Growing up i Was forced my My Sister to clean her room and Move around her stuff. She would Usually Harm me physically or Mentally By Hitting me Or Talking down on me. More recently she'd Manipulate Me By promising food If i Cleaned her room (Because yes i need to Owe Something for Her to get me food at all which is stupid because no one else has expected anything from me just to have something i need to survive.) i Legitimately Have Slowly Started Despising Her and when she left My Life I just felt Better Than i ever Had Before that point i know it's bad but how am i supposed to feel? She's always treated me terrible growing up and Even Would Make it about herself ON. MY. BIRTHDAY. She is literally part of the reason my mind is broken into shards and i hate her for it but I really want to see some good in her but i just can't. How are you Supposed to forgive Someone Who's only treated Like nothing. I can forgive so many Things And i love my Family but She broke that Line in me and went to far and Has never respected my boundaries as a human being and even called me the R-Word Without Any hint of Remorse or Feelings sorry. Anyways I'd Like to know if anyone has gone through anything Similar so that's why I'm asking.

And why does it feel SO invalidating to our whole system? We literally cringe when we hear those three letters together.

My understanding is that IFS is for singlets to explore their "multifacetedness", but we are not multifaceted, we are fractured. It's not the same to us at all, so when she brings up this or that about IFS it feels so dismissive.

We all get a bit offended when IFS is brought up. It's an overwhelming feeling of "okay, that's interesting and all but that has nothing to do with us, what are we supposed to do with that information?"

Are we misunderstanding IFS? We are ready to email our therapist asking she not bring it up again, but if we are misunderstanding and IFS is an effective method for OSDD as well, we'd rather not embarrass ourselves.

Thrilled to even see any amount of representation in a world where I've felt entirely estranged from, because people can't relate to me. There's just two of us, and we stem from an extreme lifestyle dynamic that involved psychological conditioning. It's been two years since there was a shift and split within us, and it has been absolute hell trying to navigate this. I'd say that she wants the complete opposite of me, but that's not entirely true. We do agree on some things. But not enough to coexist under current circumstances. The smallest thing can trigger her, which significantly impacts me, and I'm the one in control. She has proven that she's capable of having complete autonomy over me, though it appears very calculated and rare. I cannot see a therapist because she refuses and will 'block' my attempts to speak or manipulate me out of it. I feel like I'm losing my sanity. I live a very isolated life and very few people know about her, because let's face it, society isn't quite 'there' yet with accepting us, much less understanding. It's a more stigmatised disorder, the more particular it gets. This is not to say that OSDD is all we have. There's a lot more. I'm trying so hard to keep my job, to function, to 'pass'. My interests are very few and do not vary. I just wanted to know I'm not alone. She could care less about interacting with anyone else, because she's heavily trained to exist for only one person. Nothing else matters. But, as for me, I'm the main one here and I'm so unwell, Fam. I just want my life back and I'm never going to get it with her around. I don't think I can go back, either. I'm trying to accept this, but it's like a ticking time bomb. I'm worried what will happen to me. I can't do this forever. I can't. I don't know what I'm trying to say. I just want to feel understood by someone who knows what this is like.

This might be highly specific, so if you have anything even similar I'd still love to hear it.

It hasn't happened in a good while, but when we were younger, any media we were consuming on a hyperfixation nearly without fail would create this consuming thought of needing to be that character.

Feeling like that name was right, that should be my name, that's my personality, I need to dress like that, ect ect. I've always called it just autism mimicking or obsessive behaviors from the fixation but I wonder, now, post-system realization and also realizing just how much of our life was dissociated from (and how much of daydreaming and making our own characters to develop very in-depth with all of our attention could also be considered dissociation. Oops.)

As far as I'm aware none of those "I need to BE this guy" are actually IN the system, so I wonder if it's a sort of trauma dissociative response, to feel the need to hide or "take a break" as someone else, especially as a child. The lack of any splitting is where it confuses me, because we do have system members from childhood, but not any of those characters.

Therapist^ I spelt it wrong in the title but we move

I dont believe this to be the case but I also do not know a thing about dissociative disorders, except some buzzwords surrounding DID. I suspect I just have innatentive adhd and Im on the wait list for that but I thought I may aswell do some research into dissociations like osdd and list some systoms that may be associated and browse this subreddit as Ive never actually met anyone with this disorder.

• I often talk in terms of "we" when reffering to myself. I think I mean this in the way of the royal we ? but people actually call me out on this quite a bit.
• Constant fatigue, disorientation, losing things, letting lost on journeys, zoning out etc
• In my head Im always a character. A tv character than Im hyperfixated on for example, and view my lifes events as if I am them
• or an origional character that I have created in my head and go abouts my life as if I am them, taking on "their" characteristics. Though I wouldnt say my personality changes to people in my outside world I think I just act extra out of it
• I think the worst examples I have of this is when I was younger and I'd be so in my head about acting out one of my "characters" that Id zone out of my surroundings completely and act on zoned out impulse, like Id steal things from shops and stuff right in front of everyone while they watched me and I was unaware that I was actually stealing until my dad saw this "episode" and I got a slap in tbe face lol. Embarrassing. I managed this symptom better after that.
• I dont feel like my personality ever changes though. I feel like I always act like my own me which is withdrawn and unoutgoing.
• My internal world changes alot and is always flipped on its head which is why I cannot maintain relationships because I feel that I am so unsure of my own self and wants and identity that I cannot possibly build a relationship as there is simply not enough of me to share, and I will get distant and "bored" and feel like the connection is not real and will never be real within a matter of months
• as a young teen I would self harm as a recording of events as I was unsure that some of my memories were real (heavily gaslit by parents)
• I trust my memories moreso now but am still under the pretense of emotions and relationships not being real
• Inability to talk about feelings out loud, in the moment, and mutism
• i dont feel like a person, i dont think i have a personality, i could not list one character trait that is permentant and without condraction

I cant think of anything else .. still feel like probably adhd but yea

i (20f) didn’t even know what this was until a few weeks ago to be honest, but i went into therapy, specifically EMDR, to try and heal what i thought was my disorganized attachment issues about 6 months ago. everytime i tried doing emdr something blocked it, i could think i just would blank out and not be able to remember or think about my trauma. well, my therapist suggested i take something called the mid test because apperently ive been dissociating a lot or something. i already have a handful of diagnosis and problems i don’t even understand where they came from or anything (this includes tourette’s syndrome like what 😭?? and ocd and depression and anxiety and adhd. it never stops)

anyways she wanted me to take this test, and then we talked a little bit and decided maybe it was just me not being able to trust her or being unable to stop being embarrassed. then we kept getting literally nowhere. i couldn’t cry, could think. i have both the best and worst memory and i dont know what emotions i feel that guide my actions? especially in relationships.

eventually we were both really confused. we bought in ANOTHER, more experienced and older therapist to sit down and hear what was going on. she immediately suggested there’s a part or something blocking me from speaking about anything and suggested i take the MID test. i didn’t really want to because it was obvious they thought something was wrong, but i thought ok: i need to get better and i need to get rid of this, im sick of feeling like this, so let me see what’s going on.

well i took the test and it told me i have PTSD and OSDD. im humiliated. i honestly did not have a bad childhood i promise!!!! idk where all these diagnosis are coming from and honestly at this point, im not paying attention to them. no one needs to know, i dont care if im alone and only i know about these struggles. theres too much going on with me. i just want to be normal. i want to feel pretty and normal. idk how to feel and idk who i am.

(Not diagnosed but I was wondering if this was something that people with OSDD experienced before thinking about bringing it up or anything)

From what I know, people with OSDD often make headspaces where alters sit when they are not fronting or anything and that make them comfortable. Do you ever feel that you are drawn to places that resemble those headspaces in real life? For example, if you had an alter that lived in the wild west, do you sometimes feel drawn to plains, prairies, farms, etc. ?

Are there any systems out there with parts that blend together but yet in those temporary moments take on new identities of amalgamation of said blended main parts? I notice that when blended I prefer not to use my own name and feel like "someone else" yet still hold distinct traits of myself just with traits that the other/s would normally have.

For example, one of our protectors and I will blend together and that new identity, she/l would prefer to go by "Lumen" rather than what either he or l'd normally identify with

I have 7 different personalities and they all say that they want come out and play. Does anyone else experience this?

My therapist is having me do grounding techniques at least three times a day to remain more present in my day to day. This is because I dissociate so bad that by the time I see my therapist for our weekly session, I have completely forgotten everything I did in the past week. She gave me a list of different things to do during these three times. Not exactly an exhaustive list. Things like the Notice 5 and a journal prompt about if I think a part is present or my current emotion. Should be easy I think. At least I thought. I cried the whole time doing it. I think it’s a part that is very averse to doing any kind of therapy work but I can’t pinpoint why. I would ask the part why but I think that part is ME and I cannot think of a reason why.

Has anybody else struggled like this? Any ideas on why I become a blubbering mess when it comes to doing the work?

Hey hey!! Emily again. Was wondering if its just us or if other sys have different tastes in music, and games ect!! I personally love Kdot and Tyler, but i know haley and raine love more electronic/glitchy stuff :)) -♠️

Uuuuuuuuh so I've been questioning if I have osdd (I'm gonna talk to my psychiatrist next week) and wanted to hear if people here have had similar experiences to me.

It's only been since today that I wrote down all my 'characters' and gave them names, previously only three of them had names and 'I' the host have a name.

Okay so, I've got 7 characters in total, they all represent some part of me, they front when I feel certain emotions, most of the time at least two are fronting.

They can converse with one another. Sometimes my head feels very busy. They also all have different gender identities, 'I' myself am genderfluid. So they all use different pronouns.

Also I don't really consider myself a person, like the body has a name that I guess everyone decided was the right name for me. Like who is Alex? I dunno, I feel like Alex isn't a person.

I do have to say, I've been diagnosed with social anxiety and a sensitivity to psychosis (literal translation from dutch) also have been depressed for years and I possibly have ADHD (according to my psychiatrist). And possibly cptsd (according to another psychiatrist)

I do feel myself change when a different character is fronting, I feel like how I carry myself is different and how I feel too. My thoughts are different too.

I also have really bad memory issues. Not really related to like trauma I think, which is weird. Also I don't consider myself heavily traumatized since childhood... It's also a possibility that I don't remember but I don't think that's the case.

I dissociate here and there but only for very short periods of time.

Okay so, thoughts? Has anyone else experienced similar things?

I'm hearing about PDID and looking into it surface level it seems to fit our experience better than osdd1b might. But, you're telling me I can't ever leave front? That I'm stuck as the host forever?

I need to know more but don't know what to ask or what to look for

since i understand sources cannot be gained, i do have another question. since im autistic (and also not in touch w reality well most days), can that help make it easier for media heavily affect an alter enough to change how they act? like, one of my alters knows what character he split from but there’s other characters he used to call his sources (which we understand aren’t now, we’re trying to figure out another word we’re comfortable with) that sometimes heavily affect how he acts and presents himself. he does SEE himself as these characters in those times, and they do affect his functioning as an alter (i feel like i’ve implied that like 3 times now but.)

all of my alters go through this. is this common? also if you guys go through it, what word do you use to describe it? we have kept using source because of familiarity but we know it’s not fully accurate. kin also does not work for us due to past experiences haha

I'm working on bringing all my traits into a single personality. I think as one person completely now, I am nearly all managed now too! Though unaligned traits show I switch still, my voice can change, not as dramatic, but it does. And other traits that would show partial switches.

If anyone is willing to talk about their progress and what they did, I would love to hear. I would also love to share any of my own tips as well if you're interested : )

We’re early in system mapping with our therapist and she knows we’re a system, and we’ve talked about each alter and their roles, but things still feel a bit unclear. We tend to switch a lot during sessions, and because not all of us share memories, I (the host) often don’t know what was said before or who said it.

I usually ask her to repeat what “I” said and try to piece things together from there, but it’s hard, especially when my views are different from the others and I accidentally take the convo in a completely different direction.

I’m not sure if she notices the switches or if she thinks my alters are just speaking through me, which isn’t how it works for us. I want to bring it up next session but struggle to explain this kind of thing out loud.

Do you guys tell your therapist when you switch? How do you handle it?

Do any systems here have alters that identify as deities or goddesses and have any other parts that worship it/her/them? How does that process go? Is it healthy to have a matron/patron within the system to actually worship in order to guide us through life? Rather than just a "higher self" perception who acts as a friend or older sibling?

I see all these issues that every system goes through and while I relate so heavily to a lot of things, I wish I could relate to... Disappearing. I'm always here. I can't leave. No matter how hard I try and no matter how badly I don't want to be in front, I can't leave. I'm the host. I can't leave. I don't want to be the host. But I'm too much of a control freak not to. I've been working non stop every single day for the last year to try and communicate, to be better, to figure out if my system is truly communicating or even exist or if I'm just making everything up, I've been working tirelessly to make every part comfortable and not to ridicule or not to bring up a bad memory and revel in that memory because it makes me feel.

I don't understand why I feel so differently yet nothing at all and why some times I feel everything at once. And these flashbacks, are they real? Did they actually happen or is it a psuedommeory? Is It an alter sharing memories with me or is it just me remembering? Is it me or am I someone else? Why does none of the names fit me at the same time every name does?

I am so tired. I'm a failure of a host and I can't talk about it with anyone because I feel so fake. I accidentally pry too much and don't know how to turn off my thoughts or questions. I don't listen as well as I should even though I try really hard to. I have so many bad habits I'm trying to fix and break and make better but it's not working. I just want to be a better host / person but I hate being the host.

I want to turn it all off but not at the same time. What if I just am so messed up with sense of identity I made up every identity in my head? The questions don't end, the situations I can't explain are the only things that keep my trust that I am truly a system.

And you know what, I HATE being host. Our co-hosts get to leave, our protectors get to leave, why can't I? Why the hell do I have to stay here and handle everything? I can barely remember something someone told me to do 5 minutes prior, I can barely focus, one of our other alters has to always do my homework for us because I can't sit still or am smart enough to do it. I just feel stuck in my own head.

Has anyone had a child part/alter (trauma holder) get sick? This 10-year-old part has been lying in her nest about 5 weeks, then got sick 2 weeks ago, and now is in a coma. What does this mean? I'm giving her kind attention, and another adult part is tending her also. What else can I do? I need her to get well.

So for a little bit of context, I may have been pressured into talking a little bit about the system to someone else. It kind of really sucked and didn’t feel good but it is what it is and what happened, happened.

I talked about one alter in specific, one that I’m pretty close to. It kind of feels like they went missing now and it’s making me freak out an insane amount especially since they mean a lot to me.

It doesn’t feel like they have disappeared completely. I can still feel their protective nature trying to guard me to some degree, and I believe we have been able to communicate earlier, though it felt as if it were through heavy static, as if they’re being “washed out” or “cut off”.

From what I understand they don’t feel bad about the whole ordeal that triggered this, and it feels like there’s another reason, some sort of “lock” coming in between us causing this. This lock feels like it is also affecting all the other alters too.

I suppose the most logical conclusion I have come to is this: is “the brain” just freaking out because I unmasked a little bit and talked about the system? Or I guess in other words, is it possible that the physical stress of revealing these parts of myself causing some sort of “forced retreat”? Because whatever it is, the result is this: it feels like things have disappeared and are suddenly “fake” and it’s really really fucking with me.

For what it’s worth I / we are very used to masking. The others don’t come out and interact with the people around us directly. They may lurk during social situations but for the most part unless it really is needed they don’t “take control” or interact themselves. Sometimes it feels like they aren’t there at all or don’t even exist, other times it feels like there’s a looming presence commenting and reacting to everything. Either way, from what I can recall, it is pretty much me in the front for the most part, doing all of the talking and masking as best as I can. That isn’t to say they don’t influence the way I act. There have also been times that their influence / presence has become so intense that I feel the need to withdraw because I cannot mask them or pretend like I don’t want to act upon what they may want or desire. TL;DR: I mask what I can all the damn time when around others.

I have also read a little bit of the other posts here and it seems to me that this sort of phenomenon isn’t uncommon, and that alters may “poof” if intricate experiences are talked about in therapy. This wasn’t a therapy situation but it seems similar — I talked about something minor that I wasn’t yet ready to and now it all seems missing. I suppose I’d like some sort of input and support regarding this. Have you guys been in similar situations?

What the hell do I do? It suddenly feels like my symptoms are all fake, even though I know they’re likely not, and I feel like dogshit now.

Quick additional notes: I am stressed out about many things right now, completely unrelated to this situation. I can definitely feel the other alter’s protective instinct trying to guard me from these stressors. But I feel like I cannot talk to them nor does it feel like they can come forward. What the fuck is going on, what is this? I hate it.

Also, because of what happened earlier, I’m really terrified of talking to people. Like there’s this dreadful feeling of being judged, my every move being watched. Help!

How do you map parts when you don’t have alters? Is there a difference between “all humans have parts” and parts that are in an OSDD system? If so, how do you find them?

i’m 22 and have been struggling with severe dissociation since i was like 9 (not really sure if there was anything beforehand because uh i don’t remember lol). and the biggest time it was so much of an issue i couldn’t ignore it (aka an alter coming out and talking to people) was when i was like, around 18?

anyway, long story short i clearly have another alter (probably an existing one) who is wanting to be more present and i just don’t know how to allow it to happen. i try to suppress this so much which i know isn’t good, especially in the long run, but i’m unsure of how to begin to accept this. every time i’ve began to, a couple weeks max goes by and then i’m right back at square one.

how do i bring this up to my psychiatrist? i’ve had two appointments with her and she’s aware of my general dissociation but i’m stuck on how to open up about all of it

i ask because i’m in this predicament. i’m dealing with feeling like what if im not a system denial / worry, but it’s not.. about faking it or my symptoms being made up, it’s more so about what if i don’t get a full diagnosis and then no one takes my symptoms seriously ever again? because i KNOW my symptoms, i know sometimes they don’t act like others but they’re there even when i don’t notice. and i do worry sometimes im faking it but my main fear is that a doctor won’t fully understand me or will think it’s something else and the symptoms im dealing with will be ignored or treated like they’re unreal.

im just.. worried? and i feel like i dont have anyone who feels a certain way to me. it’s not that id be upset if i wasnt diagnosed with it (i wouldn’t fully understand but), but i just.. i dont want my symptoms and my alters and even outside my alters my dissociation my detachment to reality the brain fog the blurry disconnected memories the lack of emotion in most of my memories things like that… i dont want that ignored either :(

Hi,

I've very recently been diagnosed with osdd-1b and I'm finding it really difficult. Since going through the first stages of therapy, its been extremely loud with me getting to know my alters. As I'm 29 years old, it figures that they'd have a lot to say and have strong emotions.

The biggest issue I'm having is that to protect my youngest alter I've produced an alter that serves to scare me back into line. Unfortunately, this comes with involuntary tremors - almost like I'm having a seizure but im fulling concious and still have control.

This has resulted in my workplace saying that I will probably be let go if it continues on.

Just wondering if anyone here has experienced something similar and how you guys navigate working with physical symptoms caused by osdd-1b.

Thanks guys, the help is appreciated.

CW: discussion of "cringe" and fakedisordercringe

I'm sure this gets brought up here every now and then, but I just need to get something off of my chest and ask for help.

I was recently diagnosed with OSDD and I am scared! I am not scared of having it as much as I am scared to talk to people about it. I do not think I will be very public/social about it, but have told a few friends already.

This is the part that I hesitate to talk about, but I want to be completely honest - I went through high school and college around a lot of people who thought DID and system stuff was cringey, and I am well acquainted with the fakedisordercringe subreddit because of how many times I would be shown posts from it in the last few years (for time reference I am 27).

I am not really scared of being fakeclaimed (I've seen a therapist and psychiatrist and am fully officially diagnosed), but I can't shake the fear of people viewing me as cringe? Or viewing my accommodations (reminders, writing stuff down, setting alarms) as cringe?

Basically if anyone has any advice for me to try to get over this fear, please let me know. Cringe is dead to me in every way but I cannot shake this feeling sometimes :(