my mom killed herself 2 days ago. i’m 24f.

she was sick mentally. she’s been like that all my life. it’s bipolar. she shot herself. i called our local PD 5 times for welfare checks because i was so worried. i called a crisis line. they did nothing. i talked to judge monk in person who agreed to sign off on the warren for mental health if the cops would bring her in. they went that morning and didn’t bring her in. when they left she shot herself. i called 5 times. they failed her.

im kind of spiraling and just went to the doctor to get checked out. we shared a PCP and they know her so they wanted me to come in immediately. the upped my antidepressants and gave me some xanex for 30 days if needed. she shot herself.

i’m just so at a loss for words. i saw her the night before asking why she keeps getting on pills and doing this to me. i gave her a hug while she was in bed and told her how much i loved her and left.

i’m shattered. a piece of my soul died. i need some encouraging words, please.

I am autistic and life has no meaning for me.

EDIT: thank you everyone for your replies!

While I'm not..I'm just 16 trying hard to bear all this

Literally all we do is work to the bone to feed ourselves for decades until we die. I’m 24 and about to enter the workforce. Why do we do this? Why is working to death an end in itself? I’m not ready to just be another replaceable cog in the machine

I attempted to take my life some time ago. I was revived in the hospital and then forced into three months of psychiatric treatment. Overall it was pointless as they just medicated me until I was a yes-man. No coping techniques, no therapy, no lifestyle assistance, just pills.

Now here I am, still wishing I was dead. I was so angry when I was brought back. They took my peace away and I hope they all suffer. I still want to be dead.

IM GOING FUCKING CRAZY I FEEL LIKE IM GONNA HAVE AN EPISODE I WANNA SMASH MY HEAD THROUGH THE WALL AND SHREAD MYSELF UNTIL I CANT BLEED ANYMORE SOMEONE PLEASE FUCKING KILL ME I DONT CARE HOW ANYMORE JUST KILL ME BEFORE I DO IT MYSELF GOD FUCKING FUCK! IF GOD EXISTS HES A FUCKING BASTARD FOR PUTTING ME ON EARTH
(Im not religious but if all of this is my fault im gonna snap my fucking neck)

YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I FUCKING HATE YOU PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE

I want to join him. I just want my baby. I’ve never experienced pain like this. I don’t know what to do anymore, I can’t find another reason to stay, to live.

i realized that there's no use in fighting. some people don't have a purpose in life and that's okay. i've accepted that i'm not wanted anywhere, so this is my cue to leave this cruel world. i'm jumping out of this building tonight. i apologize to my mother for not being strong enough, but my sould is tired and hurt. i firmly believe that the world will be better off without me. farewell everyone.

i feel it deep in my heart. i have known since i was a young child that i would die by suicide. i knew it then just as much as i know it now. i can’t keep living like this. i can’t keep feeling like this. there’s no out, no happy ending, nothing that i long for or desire, there’s no joy, no love for me, and there is nothing i can do about any of it.

I don’t understand how people do this shit everyday. I can’t do it anymore. We’re all fucking miserable.

life just doesnt feel for me. i know i dont have any other choice but to go on. but god damn.

i cant socialize, im easily overwhelmed by everything, I struggle with idenity issues, family issues, i feel like im never getting out of this situation. i feel stuck. id rather just be gone.

I sit in silence day in and day out. I have a traumatic upbringing, but I have so much to offer and so much love to distribute. I don’t have family, there’s so much trauma with them and cycles that repeat, I’ve learned to keep my distance since I was 15, I’m 25 now. I really just wanted to acknowledge how lonesome it is.. There’s not enough ganja to replace the feeling.

For those who can relate- what do you do? How the hell do you find meaning?

I dont really know what it means to be one. I had suicidal thoughts for the past 4 years and it became serious last year. I attempted 2-3 times but now i have other plans for my future. It's very hard to explain.

Suicidal thoughts is just there, like happiness and other emotions. It just doesn't go away completely. I feel like you have to learn how to live with thease toughts. At the same time i feel like i can live like this, and i just cant imagine another way i would go. I feel like the odds of me killing myself is higher, than dying from a car crash or from other reasons. Anyway, now i try to find other stuff to do than actually doing it.

By the way, the thought really hit me as i re-read my text, but i'll probably drink a glass of milk and call it a day.

byee

I accidentally told my parents I attempted suicide when we were arguing and now I dint know how to face them. Luckily, right after that they went home and im in my dormitory. But what will happen if i see them again? Im afraid they’ll stay the way they’re and that makes me even depressed and kill myself but if they suddenly nice i dont like it either because its weird and i know it wont last long because thats how they are. Now im depressed and have suicide thoughts because there’s a lot in my life right now. That, final year project, start of semester.

The title. I have active suicidal ideation and this happening is not helping me at all. God i'm so tired of everything. I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up again. The friend who died was my partner for 2 years, and I still had feelings for him when he left, i'm so fucking tired

I can't stand living anymore. I've been battling suicidal thoughts since I was a teen. I left my wife and 2 kids because I thought they'd be better off without me and that was almost 2 years ago.

Every day since I've thought about how big of a peice of shit I am and have always been. I can't take the mental pain anymore. Someone please tell me how to end it.

I’m a 16 years old trans girl living in Iraq and i’ve been struggling all my life because of my identity. One year ago I was on feminizing hormones until my parents found out about them and it was one of the worst experiences I have ever been through. ever since, I have been very scared and terrified of getting on hormones again so I have decided not to, but it has drained me mentally. And either ways, I don’t have a high chance of getting out of Iraq and even if i somehow managed it, life is going to be very hard. I have realized it will always be hard and I can’t bear this life anymore

life has never been this bad...every day it gets worse. I'm tired.

All of my "friends" and "family" make up excuses to avoid me. I want to hang myself immediately. No one will miss an alien.

Why does no one seem to care that I’m in so much pain? Why does everyone expect me to continue living when I can barely function? Why does no one realize that my death will be the best thing for me?

Just a reminder I love you all and I’m praying it gets better 🙏🏻

hi friends my husband and i got into a big argument yesterday and almost ended in separation. we’re starting couples therapy bc of it but i had nightmares all night of him leaving me and im having a terrible day. i can’t stop combing over everything and ive just decided to stand by and allow him to be who he needs because it’s the least painful option rn

he was unfaithful. i forgave him. stupidly. but i don’t mean that, because unregretfully my daughter came of it :(( she turned 1 on mar 26th :(. she’s my best friend and my whole world, but i can’t be w someone who needs things and other people when that hurts me so deeply, and i can’t be alone guys :( i can’t be alone. i cant split time w my daughter w him i need her all the time i stay at home w her she’s been my daily routine for a year :(( but i can’t keep doing this :(( i know being single and alone would be best but ill never trust anyone again after all the lies and i crave being loved yall :(. i just can’t.

i dont mean it truthfully but i keep thinking about if both my daughter and i could die together right now. if we could just live forever in my car driving around our favorite rich neighborhood looking at the cacti and mountains and mansions and clouds and the music and the calmness. i just need that forever. i cant leave her snd i would NEVER hurt her EVER but i cant do this :( please i just want to be gone and free from this life and responsibility im only 23 but its too much it’s not getting any easier this world is so fucked and corrupt and :(( please

I wonder if anyone sees what I could do at this point, cause I can't.

Grew up in an isolated family with a year of homeschooling, struggled to make friends because my only socialization was weird sisters, and had never been put in sports or interests. Spent my childhood killing time. By 19, I’ve had no friends, no memories, and no growth. I was socially invisible, missed school because of ADHD or OCD over schoolwork (I still got amazing grades though somehow), and retreated into daydreaming to give me dopamine.

Now I’m still rotting away on Reddit, and my daydreams feel hollow. I can’t even imagine normal situations and conversations for a 19 year old. I've never had a real friend or life, and I’ve missed my chance. It was over years ago. It feels like checkmate.

Cause I can’t stand existing as this personality. I can’t stand that these were truly my parents. That this truly was my childhood. I can’t stand seeing happy younger kids getting real shit. I want to forget all of this.

In October, I posted and I was dead set on killing myself and had ordered some fentanyl. I deleted that account. This is a new account and since then, since the last day of October, I have been receiving nearly daily therapy have therapy about four times a week and I have Xanax prescribed 25 a month now, and they have 15 Ambien I think every two weeks for sleep as well. I successfully filed bankruptcy without a lawyer. My DUI never got filed on the statute of limitations ran its course. The misdemeanor that was from a domestic dispute with my ex-girlfriend was also never filed because she a liar. Healing has not been easy and I wouldn’t even say that I’m halfway there maybe like a fourth of the way . I’m an EMDR therapy and a couple different types of THERAPy as well . I hired a girl from a cuddle app to cuddle me once a week. I asked for help from my dad and he pays for this kind of hocus-pocus. See emotional release called NET for me every week. I made one new friend . I also got EBT and state disability. I’m in the process of applying for government disability. Who knows if I’ll get it but I’m trying my best and I’ve even called some lawyers to see if they’ll help me get government disability or mental health. I’m also in the process of trying to seal my records without a lawyer. Sometimes these legal side quests, distract me enough to move me forward. I still think about killing myself sometimes, but I’ve made enough progress to go all in on life for as long as I can .. there was definitely a honeymoon phase of THERAPy and it seems that phase is over and we’re gonna have to get really real soon and it’s hard to not have negative thoughts now. I’ve also made some very, very weak, attempts that reconnecting with some friends. I wrote some shitty poems and some OK poems and I got some books that I didn’t read.

This week was hard and the thought of suicide came up as I feel like I can’t escape the root problem of my issues, but we have an approach that in therapy at, and I’m trying to think of solutions. I still am having a very difficult time sleeping which really can drive me over the edge sometimes.

Killing myself is still on the table, but I promised myself I’d go all in until the end of the year on trying to make my life better and awesome, no matter what it took and if I still wanted to kill myself at the end of the year, then I could.

I’ve dealt with a lot of traumas and THERAPy and I feel the bigger one. That’s the cause of my CPTSD and OCD and anxiety is coming up when I’m not excited.

I’m writing this post to just let you know I was gonna kill myself for sure on the last day of October and it wasn’t even that I decided not to my dad happened to borrow my car when I was gonna go pick up fentanyl and then he asked me to watch a movie when he came back and I did.

So there’s there’s hope but no the hope is not all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a lot of fucking hard work and I hope that at the end of the year I post here and I say that I all the work I put in this year was worth it.