This is a childhood story that gets brought up...

So, when my sister was younger and I was young too (about 2 and 5) I remember she was on the potty.

I told her to eat her poo.

And she did it.

But now she is embarrassed of her actions because I told my boyfriend since we are bestfriends and he tells me stuff like that too.

so i would love to hear your takes!

Hey everyone,

I’m 20, and my girlfriend is 19. We’ve been together for a while, and we were each other’s firsts when it came to sex. Recently, she told me she’s asexual and doesn’t feel like she wants to have sex anymore. I’m someone with a high sex drive, so this has been a bit tough for me to process.

I love her a lot and don’t want to lose her, but I’m also struggling to figure out how to balance my sexual needs with her boundaries. She’s been clear that she doesn’t want to have sex anymore, but I’ve been wondering if there’s a middle ground we can find—like things that are less sexual for her but still help me feel fulfilled (e.g., quickies or things like BJs or HJs).

I don’t want to pressure her into anything she’s not comfortable with, so I’m trying to approach this respectfully. At the same time, I want to be honest about my own needs because they’re important to me too.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you navigate it? What compromises worked for you? Any advice would be appreciated.

I met my boyfriend Daniel through mutual friends. The attraction was instant and I knew he was something special. Our first dates were amazing. I travel 90% of the time for work and he was in his last semester of college at the time. He was very involved and had many friends. One group I nicknamed his herem, Keri Emma Hanna and Brian. Our school was a 1/4 ratio... that many girls in one group was wild. They went on long school road trips together and were overall very close. I tried to meet them but I had to travel and missed all their graduation parties. I finally got to meet Keri and Ryan at his graduation party, I was excited to meet his friends he always spoke of and nervous to meet his family for the first time.....until I met Keri.

He was showing us his parents house and childhood bedroom laughing and poking fun. She picks up a photo of him in his highschool football uniform and goes " Wow you were SO HOT, what happned?" A little weird but I assumed it was a joke. His sister came down and we all were hanging in the basement. I try to bond with her over books and she made a big deal about smut books and how their group needs to start book club and read them together. Hes uncomfortable about these books.... its an easy jab but weird to do. After the party we all wondered IKEA to kill time before we went to a bar. Everything is going well until we go through checkout. She picked up a candy bar and goes to Brian your my caramel chocolate and looks at Daniel and goes YOUR my milk chocolate. Tone was noticeably different between the two. That made everyone uncomfortable. We went to the bar it was a large place with games. Everything was good until the boys were facing off at ping pong. We were casually chatting and the converstion turns to how were both blonde she goes "Doesnt it suck that your children will never look like you?". (He is first generation Indian). Who brings that up, and phrases it like that??? I respond with I care about the person, not preserving genetics.

The whole night was so weird and I started paying attention. He talked about how they went on a school research trip Emma Keri and others were in the car. They knew the books made him uncomfortable Keri pushed to read the sexy parts of the smut books out loud "to be funny".

The three of them play video games on Mondays I was invited to join once. I dont want to intrude on their friend time but also I do want to get to know his friends. Keri flat out ignorned me, I felt so uncomfortable. Daniel said I was quiet but Brian could hear me just fine.....

The second time I met her she came in town New Years weekend. Brian, his cousin, Daniel, Kari and I all went to a place to watch the hockey game and catch up. I creeped on her for some conversation topics. I asked about how her family trip went she just came back from. She gave me a one liner pulls out her phone and only shows Brain and Daniel the photos and chatters about her trip. Daniel tells her to show me the phone to try to bring me back in. She flashed the phone so I could breafly see and goes back in to leaving me out. We go to Twisted Ranch cause shes always wanted to go and try all the ranch flavors. I am on one end Daniel next to me. Brian and his cousin accross and Keri is at the head of the table. We order and she makes a big deal of trying them all with Daniel to the point its awkward for Brian and I. We make a game out of it blinfold guess the flavor... she notices we're having a good time and does the same with just the two of them.

The next day or so was New Years bash at a bar. We all brought our friends and it was a huge group the entire Herem included. At the end of the night everyone was enjoying the open bar. I had a blast until I noticed Keri was hanging all over him. He did hold her back and was being respectful. I didnt love it so stepped in and asked what they were talking about to re route the situation. It was too loud (it was) and it was nothing. Later that night she turns to me dramatically fake crying asking if I liked her.... what do I say to that "hey, I think your great. I love how your always rude to me and hit on my bf in front of me!". I do say I like her back cause what else do you do. She then goes "You make him really happy and I think hes going to propose to you soon" the face was fake happy sobs. Huge smile...the tone was stress and hurt.

The three of them were planning a trip. Daniel invited me along as well. 11 nights camping in Glacier and Bamf. I am very outdoorsy I have done camping trips since I was little. Daniel was a boyscout. Brians first time camping was recent but he enjoyed it. I wasn't thrilled with 11 days with Kari but these friends were important to him. Then I found out shes never really hiked and has NEVER been camping. Daniels response is its ok I'll make her like it. Maybe your experience is different than mine. Boys suck it up when they are uncomfortable.... girls make the trip miserable when their not happy. Brian just got a girlfriend and wanted to invite her. Keri made it a big deal how she hates her to Daniel privately. She HASENT EVER MET HER!!! I push Daniel to invite his other close friends Emma and Hanna and Brians GF along with my friend Megan. Make it a big thing. Change it to Colorado so there are air BNBs and we can hike and still see national parks. Its cheaper, inclusive, and a good test run. Ill have time with the rest of his friends and the girlfriend can come along. I selfishly would also have more of a buffer from Keri.

Later, Daniel and I argued over driving logistics for the trip. Keri refused to carpool with Brian and his girlfriend to CO cause she couldn't stand her. She still had never met her. Daniel said he could drive her. I asked him why? Frontier has cheap flights we could both get in early and have some alone time before everyone arrives. Its an extra 4 hour detour to get her. SHES 25 CAN SHE NOT DRIVE 7 HOURS BY HERSELF?!?! Or have Brian drive because she's literally on his route. His response was "Shes a bad driver and would be uncomfortable driving with his girlfriend". Then f*n fly or get over yourself. He responded, "if you don't want me to do it, just tell me". I don't want to have to tell him to choose me over another girl. Spend extra time with ME. CHOOSE ME. He suggested we all carpool together.... I have been openly telling him everything that's happened during our interactions. How shes rude and makes ME uncomfortable.

The breaking point. I was driving home one day and were chatting about life and schedules. He said he wanted to go on a camping trip with just Brian and Keri to test them for the glacier trip next year. At first I thought it would be fun then my mind spun. I could imagine her pretending to be scared and try to cuddle up next to him. I gave myself an anxiety attack. I called him back and asked if I could go too. He said I'm always invited but he wanted this one to be just the three of them. The image spun in my brain, I told him Id call him back. I calmed down and gathered my thoughts and sanity checked my anxieties with Megan to make sure I was not blowing this out of proportion. I called him back and started the conversation about how caught up is he with the TwoHotTakes podcast (I make him listen). We talk about the creepy Valentine's box girl and others and get to the one with the work wife. He goes "Wow, I cant believe he didnt believe his wife after all of that!" I respond with "Right?!?! I really related to that one. You know the way Keri hits on you, but that is just who she is". I told him I can't do this if things don't change. That time he listened.

We had a long conversation going over everything. I dont ever want to be the girl that makes him not talk to his friends. I dont like it but dont mind if she comes to group things. Im uncomfortable with just the three of them hanging out. We set boundaries he needs to stop her advances. He needs to step in when shes being openly rude. If she was such a good friend she would try to get to know me. I dont know about you but I dont read smut with my guy friends. I dont lean all over them when I talk to them, call them hot under the guise of a joke. There are many more subtle things but I'm trying to make this detailed and not too long. I trust him wholeheartedly. I do believe HE views her as a friend. I do think SHE is manipulative.

I have been told I need to have more self-worth. I should be a priority. I shouldn't have to tell him what to do. My friends think I'm justified. I am anxious that maybe I'm reading the situation wrong. I have had good friends of 3+ years cut me out of their life when they get girlfirends and I know how much it sucks. I hate how fixated I get when shes around. I like all his other friends. They have all made an effort to get to know me.

Am I overreacting?

Other Details: I do call out every instance after each interaction. I am very direct with him. The herem moved to different states when they graduated they stay connected with book club. Only the 3 play games together.

Hello Morgan! (And Justin and Lauren and Alejandra—and Jerry, if he's around.) I know it’s late, but congratulations on your engagement and upcoming wedding! I got married on September 1st in 2018. Hearing you talk about wedding planning on the pod really brings me back to those days.

I’ve been a listener to THT since the beginning. I’m a fellow neurodivergent Pisces who just turned 31 on March 9 this year. Your podcast is my absolute favourite—I usually listen during my 2-hour commute to the resort I work at. I've wanted to write in forever but never felt like I had anything really good to share…

I'm currently at a work event with my mom, and she just reminded me of a childhood occurrence that I had completely forgotten about. So I've just made a reddit account so I can finally share with you.

So, for context: I am a horror girlie through and through. I feel like horror is my home. Scooby-Doo was my first brush with the genre when I was a wee kid, and despite my mom saying it gave me nightmares, I would stay up all night reading my collection of Scooby-Doo chapter books she would buy me from the Scholastic Book Fair (good times).

I was also undiagnosed autistic, and would maladaptive daydream often to cope with the fact that I didn’t fit in much with other kids. Suffice it to say, I’ve always had horror on the brain and an unkempt imagination.

So my mom and I had just finished watching Longlegs in our Airbnb, and we started talking about creepy stuff from our childhoods. She asked me, “Do you remember seeing the brown-goose-dog-with-the-wolf-face?”

Shivers broke out across my skin—but no image popped into my mind. I knew of this “creature,” but only from her bringing it up a few times over the years. We’ve had a few weird encounters at the house my parents live in now, but this was from way back when I was about 3 to 5 years old, at our old house in the same town.

Their current home is a bungalow, but that first house was three stories, the main floor, the upper floor with bedrooms, and… the basement.

So like I said earlier, I had a tendency to be a little creepy as a child. My mom said I would often come into my parents' bedroom at night and just stand at the end of the bed and stare at them. No idea for how long. Sometimes I scared my mom so badly she would scream and swear at me. Honestly? No recollection. No idea why I would do that.

I would also talk about weird things in the basement. I often said there were things down there that wanted to take my baby brother (he was about 1–2 years old at the time). Most notably: the brown-goose-dog-with-the-wolf-face.

Again, I genuinely have no memory of this, and I’ve tried really hard over the years to dredge up some kind of image or feeling—but there’s nothing. And I am very into the supernatural, the paranormal, the extraterrestrial, and the completely fucking unexplainable. So I’ve hoped I’d come across a tale of this creature that would spark something. But nothing...

No podcast, no horror story, no Creepypasta, no book, no internet search has ever led me back to this creature.

So I wonder, was it really just a product of my vivid, autistic, horror-loving kid brain? Or… is this a real creature—and the fact that I have no recollection is further proof it existed, and I’m just not allowed to remember?

How many nameless monsters roam under beds, hide in closets, and lay in wait in dark basements—only visible to sensitive, child eyes?

Has anyone else seen this creature?
Know its name?
Felt its hot breath in the night?

If it was real, and I saw it once… who's to say it’s not still watching now?

I’d love to know, what’s your hot take?

Trigger Warning: accusations of SA

This is not a throwaway. I honestly don’t care if my family finds this. Maybe I won’t be so torn over what to do if they do find it.

The players -

Me - 43F Sis - 46F Bro (T) - 49M Bro (S) - 53M Dad - 74M

Relevant back story - my and S’s dad passed away when I was 1 and he was 10. Our mom married our stepdad (74M) a few years later. I call him ‘dad’ since he’s all I’ve ever known and will do so through this post.

Dad brought two kids of his own into the family. Sis (46F) and bro (T - 49M). I don’t call them step siblings as they’ve been in my life for as long as dad has. I’ll refer to stepbrother as ‘T’ and my bio brother as ‘S’ to try and make it simple.

I’m sorry for how long this might get. A tl;dr will be at the bottom.

About 6 years ago I went completely NC with T. There is a very long list of reasons for doing so but the major one is because T accused S of SA’ing him when we were younger. T told this “story” at church in front of a congregation that, if they knew our family, they would’ve known T was talking about S. The thing is, is the story T told wasn’t his own. Our nephew was sodomized while in the locker room at school when he was a freshman. T took elements of our nephews experience and twisted them around to make it his own. S has never and would never touch someone in that manner. There is a lot of background to the lead up of why T would do something like this but for the sake of the character count I’ll leave it out. I’ll answer questions you have, if any.

I never had the heart to tell Sis the real reason I cut him off. It wasn’t just me who cut him off. Dad, my mom, and S did too. As far as Sis knows he was cut off because my mom is an “evil bitch”who convinced the rest of us to cut T off to “get back at him” for walking out on his wife of 17 years.

I’ve kept in low contact with Sis ever since this all happened. I know that she wants to talk about everything but I’ve never had the courage to tell her why I never want to see or speak to T again.

Things are changing though. Our dad was recently diagnosed with Lewy Bodies Dementia. Because of this I’ve been keeping her in the loop about what’s going on with our dad. She continues to hint at wanting me to contact T directly instead of her passing the info along to him.

I realize that with dad’s diagnosis it’s no longer about all that shit that happened. It’s about being able to rally around dad and be there for him for however long he has left. But the more sis pushes for me to talk to T, the more I want to finally tell her the real reason I and everyone else went NC with him. The reason why I hope and pray I will never have to even look at his face anymore. I know I’m going to be forced into T’s vicinity at some point. I don’t know what I’m going to do then. I don’t want to start a fight again.. not while our dad is so fragile but I just know I’m going to break at some point if sis keeps trying to push me to contact T.

So, wibta if I did break and tell her? Should I keep trying my damndest to be strong and hold it all in until dad is no longer with us? I genuinely don’t know what to do.

TL;DR: stepbrother accused bio brother of SA’ing him using our nephews SA story. Family cut off stepbrother. Stepbrother told sis he got cut off because he walked out on his family. Our dad was handed a death sentence, sis is pushing contact with stepbrother. Afraid I might break and tell sis the real reason we cut him off.

(i’m F 28) my friend (F30) tried to set me up with her friend (female 25) earlier this year, but she wasn’t available at the time and we both said we wanted to be friends either way, so we just started talking casually and became close. A few weeks later, the three of us hung out, and I found out she was single now and then that same night, she made a move. We clicked fast and I ended up catching feelings.

The tough part is she’s moving to the west coast (we’re currently east coast) and told me she’s not in a place for anything romantic because she’s leaving and can’t do distance but would still love to be friends. I genuinely want that too, because I care about her and love talking to her, but I’m struggling with how to separate the romantic feelings so I’m not just constantly pining or hoping for more.

Any advice on how to actually make that shift? How do you stay friends with someone you care about without hurting yourself in the process? I don’t want to lose her cause she genuinely was an amazing friend before any romance came into play but I also don’t want to hurt either of us because i do have feelings for her (and i did tell her i would try distance). But also am i wrong for still wanting to have hope because she did say the only reason is because she’s moving.

I (22f) got married two years ago as a spur of the moment thing with very little time to plan. All my family was helping set up for the wedding, make food, etc. which I am very grateful for because we were just planning to go to a courthouse but my mom insisted on throwing something together for us. Two days before the wedding my mom, two of my sisters, and I all went wedding dress shopping. Now, my family is very religious and my mom is very… demanding, so as soon as I started pulling dresses out to try on I could tell my mom was not very happy about them. She kept on suggesting dresses with sleeves and more coverage even after I had specifically said that I didn’t want sleeves at all. I ended up choosing a dress with a low V and mesh overtop in the shape of a normal neck line. I was still very covered and only had a hint of boobie showing in the middle. I LOVED IT! (It even had pockets!!) The issue was it was ever so slightly to big on me but my mom said that she’d be able to take it in for me that night. I was so excited! The problem came when that night my mom and oldest sister asked me to add some fabric in the neck line to add more coverage. I told them no I loved the neck line and didn’t want to change it. The insisted saying how “it’s not pretty” and “it’s distracting” and my sister even said that she wasn’t comfortable having her teenage sons seeing me in that dress. This made me feel gross, cornered, and uncomfortable. Since I was staying at my mom’s house at the time (we were visiting for Christmas) and they were helping out so much to make our day memorable, and knowing my mom she wouldn’t give up until I said yes, I felt obligated to agree. I think I even cried about it later that night. I still think I looked beautiful and the wedding was amazing! However, now everytime I look back at my wedding photos I cringe and wish that I would’ve stood up for myself more. But I was only 20 and even now I still find it hard to voice my disagreements with my mother. If anyone has advice or similar stories I would love to hear it. I feel like not a lot of people understand what it’s like to have a parent who is super kind and giving but also very demanding and makes you feel guilty, or maybe it’s more common than I know. So I would love to hear from people that I can relate to. Thank you and much love to the Two Hot Takes family!

I (30F) and my son (1 year) are getting baptized together on Easter. I’m very excited and think it will be a beautiful experience. My husband is Catholic and I started practicing with him before we were married but waited a while until I was ready, to actually be confirmed (it’s a very long process). I debated on inviting my dad to my baptism and confirmation because I feel that he might ruin the experience for me with negativity. When I did invite him anyway, he at first said “sure” and then later said “can we take that off my calendar? I don’t care to go to that”.. and that really hurt my feelings. I know he isn’t supportive but I thought he would at least support me as my dad. ALSO, not to mention his grandson.

Anyway, would you be hurt? am I being overly sensitive? or expecting too much? what would you do?

For context: my dad grew up Catholic and resented his parents for making him go to church, so now he is an atheist who thinks people who believe in religion are stupid and can’t think for themselves. My parents did not raise me with any religion. I am not becoming catholic for my husband, I truly love the church and community, want this for myself and am excited. I know you’re probably like “just don’t invite him” but I felt bad not inviting my parents since it is a big life event and my husband’s whole family will be there. My parents also complain that I do more with my husbands family so I felt that there feelings would be hurt if they weren’t even invited. I invited my mom and she is very supportive and excited for me, to which I am grateful!

So this happened two years ago, I am still not sure how to feel about it, and buckle up because this is going to be a bumpy ride. Also this is on a burner account and all names are made up (for obvious reasons). For context, Heather (F25) and I (F23) met when we were 9 and 11. From the first time met, we became the best of friends and over the course of 10 years, have spent countless hours having sleepovers, experiencing new things together, holding the other while going through a family loss or heartbreak, going to the other’s big moments like graduation. Even though Heather was older than me and we were at different points in our teenage years, we got closer as time went on. She was the big sister I never had.

Heather was going through a difficult time the year of our trip. One month before leaving for a big Europe trip with a large group of friends, she confided in me saying that after she was rejected by Owen, the guy she liked the year prior, she initially used the guy she was currently with (Liam) to get over Owen. During the trip, Owen introduced all of us to his new girlfriend (who already lives in Europe). He had just recently asked her out and was ecstatic about his relationship. A couple days later, Heather asked a some of us if we really thought Owen and his girlfriend looked good together. There was something different about her face, her eyes looked as if she could shoot someone. I pulled her aside that night and asked if she was jealous of Owen and Abigail (new girlfriend), she looked at me with disgust and said no, of course not. The rest of the trip went beautifully and everything between Heather and I seemed normal, or so I thought.

So three months go by and it’s time to celebrate Heather’s birthday. We decided to have a small get-together with just five of us (Heather, her sister Anna, Jessica, my sister Taylor, and me) to celebrate at a friend’s house because it was a weekday and we all had work/school. Then on Friday, we would go out into the city to go bar hopping and clubbing. Heather got it into her head that something bad was going to happen on Friday and that we shouldn’t do anything and avoid going into the city at all costs. The friend group thought it was weird but went along with it. Unfortunately with different work and school schedules, we were never able continue with our original plan for that Friday night. One month goes by and it was Jessica’s (another friend) birthday. Her birthday also landed on a weekday so my sister and I decided to throw Jessica a surprise party nothing crazy, basically what we did for Heather (Ordered pizza, played games, and had a couple of drinks) and we would go out the following weekend to really celebrate.

After Jessica’s birthday, Heather and her sister blow up the group chat talking about how we paid more attention to Jessica’s birthday than we did with Heather, we never have cared for Heather and that we were all fake for it. Jessica, Taylor, and I were STUNNED. We had literally no idea how the others felt nor why they felt that way. They left the group chat and had no communication with us for some days. Personally I was pissed because I thought we were all adults and that the conversation should have been said in person. Reading texts can create such a problem with miscommunication. I decided to go to Heather’s house and see wtf was going on.

This is how it went down. Heather said I have always paid attention more to Jessica since she came into our lives 3 years ago and that her birthday was proof of that. She continued by saying that we didn’t celebrate her enough on her birthday and there is way too much effort being put into Jessica. I was confused because the only difference between the two was that one was a surprise and the other wasn’t. The activities were ALL THE SAME. I told her I was sorry for my actions and that I never meant to hurt her. I rambled a little and once I was finished, she said “That’s it?”. I was confused once again and asked her what she meant. She responded by saying, “That’s all you’re sorry for? You’re not sorry for what you said to me during the trip?” “What’d I say on the trip?” I said. She said, “I don’t really remember but you looked at me with disgust and I felt judged by you. You looked at me like I was a whore going from man to man and in that moment, I decided that we weren’t friends anymore.” I was completely dumbfounded and did not know how to respond. Tears literally filled my eyes and I said, “I’m sorry but I have no idea what you’re talking about. I never once judged you about any of your relationships and I definitely did not think of you as a WHORE.” I had come to her house for a whole different reason than what the conversation had turned to. I am a yapper but this time, I was left speechless.

I ended up leaving her house apologizing, even though I feel like I shouldn’t have. She said it’s whatever now so it doesn’t matter. It has now been 2 years this happened and while we are on better terms now, it has never been the same. There is always an underlying awkwardness between us. But our lives are so intertwined, our younger siblings are all friends, her family is practically my family and vice versa. We will always be in each other’s lives but I don’t know what to do because I still feel the hurt from the situation. Why did she go four months without saying anything if I wasn’t her friend? Why did she act as normal as ever. If you didn’t want to be friends with someone, wouldn’t you distance yourself? There are so many question I still have but don’t know if I should bring it up. Friend breakups are 100000x worse than relationship breakups and no one can tell me differently.

Hi reddit, it's my first time posting, but I've read a few of these posts. I'm hoping for your perspectives on this situation. AITA for not wanting to split the referral bonus with my friend?

I have been friends with Zoe (fake name for obvious reasons) for 1.5 years. She has been a great friend to me, and I genuinely really value her friendship. We work at the same place, and I recently referred her to a position that I currently hold.

In addition to referring her, I sent her many of my interview prep materials, answered all of her questions, and helped her bypass the machine screening round (she didn't meet the GPA requirement, but I contacted the recruiter to pull her through).

She is now asking to split the referral bonus if she gets the position due to her "putting so much work in" during the interview process and "splitting the bonus being the norm where she's from". AITA for not wanting to split the referral bonus with her, given her reasoning?

————

UPDATE: sorry i dont know how these work so I just edited the post—

I reached out to HR just to purely ask what kind of referral bonus would be given IF my referral got the job. I made sure to keep everything as objective and anonymous as possible because I dont want to skew her chances. They told me because she was an internal candidate, she doesn’t even qualify for me to earn the referral bonus as they only reward you if you get an external/new candidate into the company. I didnt even know that! I never even thought about the referral bonus because I gave her a referral out of purely wanting her to have a great chance at the role.

I messaged her this and shes now doubling back and wants to talk about our friendship. I can’t help but now think she called me ‘greedy’ and a ‘shitty friend’ because she wanted the money. I rarely have these kinds of conversations with friends and it’s making me really anxious because of all this stirred up conflict.

I’ll update after we have our in person conversation tmw.

Thanks reddit, you’ve been so helpful and your comments have given me validity and comfort.

I (26 f) have been dating my boyfriend (25 m) for 3 months now. Everything has been great, but I feel like the effort is lacking from his side, and I might grow resentful for all the effort I'm putting in.

Some background: last year, I was blindsided and dumped by my ex. I was going through a hard time, and that was like the cherry on top of all the chaos. I still struggle with the effect it had on me (fear of abandonment, not truly knowing someone, etc.). With a broken heart, I tried to heal by burying my feelings via flings and wasting my time on people who didn't care, and in the end hurt me more. I took a short time to stay single and recover, before meeting my now boyfriend. He comes from a disfuncional family, not being shown a lot of love and affection growing up. He has two kids from two different women (relationships that didn't work out) and has 50/50 custody on the youngest, but the oldest he has most of the time. We live a few hours apart, and our schedules are not aligned for the most part, so visiting can be hard. We would text and FaceTime all the time, but now it's like he rarely ever responds, and I'm the only one starting the conversation usually. He doesn't call, and when I went over last time, he spent most of the time playing video games with his friends, and turned down sex because he was "too stressed." I get it, he recently lost a family member he was close to, he has the responsibility of two kids most of the time, and he just got laid off from his job, and has had trouble finding another one. Not to mention, he can barely afford gas, and has to borrow his family's car which often has lots of issues.

All I ask from him is a text every now and then, more physical affection, or affection in general. I've brought up what I need in a relationship, and what my love languages are, but it's like he doesn't even care. He has explained to me that he struggles with verbalizing his feelings, or showing he cares, and that he wants to get therapy, but I'm still at a loss.

Should I communicate how I'm feeling to him, or call it quits and move on? I really like him, and he's claimed to feel the same, but I don't believe him. I feel like he was just love bombing me, and now that he's got me, he's given up on caring or putting in the effort.

Note to add: He did say he loved me on our second date, and while I was taken aback by how soon it was, I explained I needed time to make sure I meant it. I eventually said it back, because the feelings were very strong. We both think we are moving too fast, and have tried our best to take it slow. I get attached very quickly, and have anxiety as well as trauma from past relationships. I've been to therapy, but no longer have insurance and haven't been since last year.

TLDR: My boyfriend hasn't been texting me or calling as much as he did in the beginning, and doesn't seem to be trying at all when it comes to putting in the effort it takes to have a healthy, happy relationship. Am I overreacting, or is it really just the stress of where he's at in life and his responsibilities?

TW:SA with a minor

My 48M uncle has become friends with my (43F) mom's abuser.

This all started when i got a call from my cousin a couple months ago. He called to tell me that my biological father has become friends with my uncle which is his (cousin's) dad. He knows that my biological dad and I do not have any relationship, we never had one. When I was born he was in jail. When he got out of jail my family had already moved my family and I to another state. He never sought out any type of relationship with me.

After years of wondering about who my biological dad was my mom finally sat me down and told me that their relationship was not what I thought it was. My BF (Bio Father) was in his 40's and my mom was in her teens when they met. She basically told me that he groomed her and there was SA involved. After that It completely changed the way I thought about my BF. After years of always wondering why he never searched for me and now this? I felt disgusted with myself because of who I came from. I changed my last name shortly after because I did in fact have my BF's last name.

I made peace with it until now. My family is putting together a party for my grandma and grandpa's 50th anniversary and we are supposed to host it at my uncle's house In the state where I am originally from. My cousin continues to tell me that my uncle wants to invite my BF to the party. I told him right away that I did not want him there, there is no reason for him to be there. We are celebrating my grandparents and I did not want to make this about something else. I also have a son so for the protection of me, my mom, and my son I asked my cousin to tell my uncle that I did not want him there. I thought that my uncle would have the common sense to know that he should not have him around us but that is not the case.

My mom told me that she was upset by all of it. She was upset that my uncle was not the one to tell her and more upset that he continues to be friends with him. So now we are not on speaking terms with my uncle, my uncle isn't on speaking terms with my mom and his other sister who lives in his state. I had to reach out to one of my half sisters that knows my BF more than me and she really concerned me. We are dealing with a lying, manipulative, narcissist type of man. I feel like my whole world is crumbling. Im losing my family to this abuser and they don't care.

I know what i need to do but It hurts me more than anything to give up on this relationship with my uncle. He was a father figure to me when I had none and has always loved me as if I were his own. He would do anything for me or so i thought. I can't forgive what he has done to me and my family. I have no Idea what to do or where to start. If anyone has gone through anything similar I would like some insight.

Never posted to Reddit but I need advice or opinions or maybe just some validation… sorry for a long rambling post.

Me and my fiance have been together a total of 7 years. We have 2 kids together (4 and 10months) I recently stopped working to be a SAHM with the babies. I am extremely grateful but I would be lying if I said it was “the best ever”. It is extremely hard and exhausting. Shortly after I stopped working, I started to feel depressed and just losing myself a bit. Probably some late postpartum depression creeping in. I will try to vent to my fiance and talk about how hard the days are and he doesn’t really seem to feel empathetic towards the hardships of motherhood/ parenting all day every day. When I text him on a hard day, complaining about the kids or whatever, I get “stay strong! 💪🏻” or “you got this!” Or if it’s about one of the kids having a hard time, it’s “ugh poor thing. I hope he starts to feel better” I never really feel validated in my emotions. For a long time I think I over looked a lot of behavior and more recently I’ve been sharing more with friends and their reactions have made me become a little more enlightened that maybe I am not being treated very nice…

When he comes home from work and there is clutter/ kids stuff everywhere there is a passive aggressive vibe, as he starts to clean up. He is almost huffing and puffing about cleaning up. Almost as if “I’ve been at work all day and come home to having more to do?” He has never said this out loud, but I can just feel it? Am I projecting? He also did not stay the first night in the hospital with me and our first born because he was anxious and couldn’t sleep. I also didn’t even get flowers my first Mother’s Day. He says he didn’t see the holiday as a very big deal. He also thinks I just need to go back to work for my mental health because “maybe I’m not cut out to be a caregiver” I know these may seem like silly things but to me they hurt… I recently asked for him to please try to comfort me differently when I’m having these hard times and he just got defensive. When I started to cry he looked at me from across the table stone faced, zero reaction.

I feel like my brain knows it’s over but my heart is afraid to blow up my family and make a wrong decision. I just don’t feel like he truly likes me lol

Sorry this was an all over the place post 🙂

I (23F) hooked up with my best friend (23M). Twice. And now everything is back to “normal,” but I don’t feel normal at all.

We’ve been best friends for years, since high school —tight in a way that’s deeper than most friendships. We know everything about each other. He’s been there for every breakup, every breakdown, i’ve been there for him to. We’ve always had this kind of unspoken closeness that other people definitely noticed. Friends would tease us, ask if something was going on, even try to get us to kiss at parties, but he always shut it down with a “no.” I honestly started to think I was imagining the tension.

But it was there. He’d look at me when we were alone, for just a little too long. I’d catch him watching me in a way that felt like more. I’ve felt it for months, but I always told myself not to read too much into it. He’s emotionally unavailable, and I didn’t want to ruin what we had.

Then one night, we were partying with friends, and everyone left until it was just us. I ended up talking about sexual connection and that kind of stuff. He ended up telling me that if he could, he would hook up with me.

That kind of cracked everything open.

We started talking—really talking—about the tension, how it wasn’t just one-sided, how we both felt it but kept ignoring it. After a long talk, we decided to hook up, thinking maybe it would relieve the tension and we could move on.

It was amazing. Way more emotional and intense than I expected.

But afterward, everything felt different—awkward, like we’d crossed a line we couldn’t uncross.

Months later, we got drunk again and actually talked. I told him I missed him and reassured him I didn’t like him like that (even though… I do). I said it because I didn’t want to scare him or push him away. He listened and told me it felt different for him too. We ended up hooking up again.

And now, everything’s back to “normal”—but I’m not.

We haven’t talked about it sober. It only comes up when we’re drinking. He hasn’t made any move to talk about what this means, or if it means anything at all. I think he likes me, but I’m not sure. And I know myself—I think I’m catching feelings. I think I already have.

But I’m scared. I don’t want to pressure him into anything he can’t give. I don’t even know if he can give me the kind of relationship I want or need. And I definitely don’t want to lose our friendship—he means too much to me.

I don’t know how to bring it up without ruining everything. And I don’t know how to sit with all these feelings and pretend I’m fine.

Has anyone been through something like this? What did you do?

My boyfriend (M28) and I (F28) are living with his parents and sister and ever since we moved in 3 years ago I’ve been making it a point to help and contribute as much as possible.

At first it was watching the sisters kids (6 and 3) and feeding them when I realize it’s past noon and they haven’t been fed and cleaning up after them when they cook because they don’t wash their own dishes they wait for me or his mom to. I was the only one these past 3 years to clean their bathroom we sometimes share but mainly cause I don’t want the 6 year old to touch the pee and poop they regularly leave on the toilet seat and bowl. I asked them to help me every other week and I’d clean the bathroom as long as they help out and we take turns. They asked if they would have to clean the whole bathroom for us to take turns or just wipe the counters to take turns. I stated i always clean the toilet to the shower to mop the floor and the counters so I would expect them to also, to which they agreed but never did and that was 5 months ago.

4 months ago we got into an argument because i admittedly forgetful, left a pot of beans on the stove while I was napping and my boyfriend was supposed to wake me but we both slept through the alarm and the pot ran out of water so when they got home the top layer of beans were starting to burn. She went on to berate me about being responsible and considerate and when I explained how sorry I am and I wouldn’t let it happen again we just had an alarm it just didn’t go off or we didn’t hear it she started yelling about this not being my home and I could just leave but they’re stuck here so have some more respect. That pissed me off because I do so much around the house and never get so much as a thank you and the one time I admittedly mess up I get scolded at like I’m not a grown woman. We haven’t talked to each other since but have gone to a few baseball games or two for his nephew.

Over the weekend I parked my car in the 2 car garage that now only fits one car because they refuse to organize and clean out their things. I pulled my car out of the garage (was only there less than 24 hours) and my right side mirror is broken completely. That morning was the morning of their kids baseball game so I’m assuming looking for gear they smashed it which would be completely understandable yet they didn’t say a word and I don’t want to make it even more uncomfortable than it is so I just stayed quite and let bygones be bygones but this is the straw that broke the camels back for me.

Yesterday my boyfriend had a job interview so I took him out to eat and when we got home he immediately offered his sister a sip of my drink. I was annoyed and asked him if he’s not even going to defend me don’t offer them my things especially if I paid for them. he thinks I’m being petty. I don’t want to get in between him and his family but I also don’t want to be disrespected but maybe I’m making it more than it should be. Am I blowing this out of proportion? I need advice.

So I (f22) wanna get to the point I have this coworker (F60) who any time you have good news she tries to top it or bring it down. Like for example I work with my mom in the same office and we were just talking and she was around and my mom mentioned that I was going on a trip with my fiance for my graduation to Nashville. The moment those words left our lips she started talking badly about Nashville how “it’s not all that worth it” and how she goes there often. And I told her it’s just somewhere I would like to go and she said that it’s fine I want to go it’s just not fun. Which I felt was super unnecessary. And that’s just one example so yesterday I kinda snapped due to a buildup of her constant negativity.

At work I try not to talk about my relationship or the progression of it but my mom would sometimes talk about it. While I was out of office my mom (f59) was telling her and some other people from the office (maybe not so necessary background my mom have known these people for 20 years they’ve worked together in the same place these people have known me since I was a child. So they are like office friends so my mom would share certain parts of my life with them) that she’s excited for me to get married.

They don’t know I’m engaged I don’t wear my ring to work (I work in a school I really rather not take the risk until I get fake ring) And that surprised people in the office because they didn’t think we were that serious. So the one coworker who makes everything kinda about herself took over the conversation when I walked back into the office and started saying that people my age shouldn’t be getting married that we should be sleeping around and she started talking really negatively about my fiance (he’s white I’m black) saying he’s going to call me a “black bitch” and that he will own me since I’ll be moving into his house and that I have nothing for myself. (I will say my fiance is well off than me in the sense that he’s in an established career as a blue collar worker while I’m not even out of college in my first job) and she kept belittling my decision to get married.

Usually when she goes on these tirades I just let her talk but I got so frustrated about how she talked about me and my decisions. (So background with this lady. She’s living with her long term boyfriend who steps out on her constantly left her when she was pregnant with their daughter at 21 only to come back when the daughter was 15 and her daughter still lives with her at 30 which isn’t a bad thing but she constantly complains about wanting her to leave and get married this isn’t even majority of this but this is what she’s told us ) so I asked her what’s her problem why does she feel the need to belittle my decisions as my own person. she then said she wasn’t just giving “helpful” advice then continued to go on about how at your stage of life what i shouldn’t be doing and she kept going and going and going my breaking point was when she brought up my dad (who has dementia) that if he was in the right state of mind he wouldn’t be proud of me. After that I snapped because how dare she.

So I stopped her while mid Rant and asked her why does she feel the need to do any of this just because your bitter your life didn’t turn out the way you wanted doesn’t mean you should project. Stop being a bitter old hag. I was so frustrated I left the office for the rest of the day. According to my mom the office was quiet for a bit after that then she said I was being rude and how it shows how immature I was for saying that. So am I the asshole for calling my coworker bitter.

TL;DR: My boyfriend (25M) and I (24F) earn the same salary, but I pay for all rent and bills because I receive a housing allowance, and he doesn’t. He lives at my place full-time, doesn’t drive (so I drive him everywhere), and never contributes to petrol or household expenses. He says it’s fair because we agreed on this before moving in together, but he won’t start contributing until next August. I feel like I’m being taken advantage of.

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My boyfriend (Jake, 25M) and I (Jackie, 24F) have been together for just over a year. We moved to Abu Dhabi last August, and while we both earn the same salary (9,000 AED/month), I receive a 40,000 AED yearly housing allowance, which I use to pay for our rent and all bills.

Jake gets free housing from his job, but due to cultural norms, I’m not allowed to live there. So, we agreed that I would use my housing allowance to pay for a place for us to live. However, after discussing this with my mum and a friend, I feel like Jake should contribute more than just splitting the cost of groceries 50/50.

We even chose our apartment based on its proximity to his job, making it easier for him to get to work and saving on taxis, since he doesn’t drive. As a result, I now have to drive 20 minutes each way to work, while his commute is much shorter. Recently, I’ve also been giving him lifts to and from work when I’m done with mine.

On top of rent and bills, I also pay for the hire car and petrol. He offers to chip in for petrol once a month, but that’s the extent of his contribution. When we order takeout or do a food shop, we split those costs, but I end up covering all the bills and rent. (After our first conversation, he now contributes to WiFi, which was outside of my housing allowance)

I’ve raised this with him several times, and while he agrees to contribute 2,000 AED per month, he says he won’t start until next August, when he becomes eligible for a housing allowance. Until then, he argues that it’s fair because we agreed on this setup before moving to the UAE and that since I receive the housing allowance and he doesn’t, it makes sense for me to pay for everything.

We’re planning to stay here for about three years, as after that, he’ll receive a large bonus and gratuity. On the other hand, I only receive gratuity. I was hoping to save some money while living here, especially by putting aside part of my housing allowance, but that hasn’t happened. He always says his job is “saving for him,” when his received his bonus but I’m the one paying for his living expenses, which means he’ll end up with this savings while I don’t have anything saved.

At this point, I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I’ve talked to him about it multiple times, but he’s made no effort to change things. My friend has even suggested I should break up with him over this.

Am I overreacting, or is this situation as unfair as it feels? Am I in the wrong for changing my mind? What should I do?

Edit: all bills are including the rent price, apart from WiFi.

Hi Reddit. So I ‘23F’ matched with this guy ‘26M’ on hinge that I used to see all the time at my college gym about 2 years ago. We hit it off immediately and planned a date 2 days later (Monday). When he picked me up he said he recognized me from the college gym and that “we both were probably thinking the same thing about each other.” I was one of the best first dates I had been on in a while. We had good conversations, he was a gentleman, and he was even more handsome in person. He dropped me off back at my place, we hugged goodbye, and he said he would see me again soon. Not even 30 minutes later he texted me saying he had a good time and wanted to plan something on Wednesday if I was free. I wasn’t so he asked about the upcoming weekend. I joked and told him he would think I wasn’t interested but that I was going out of town to visit family for the weekend. He was understanding and said that we would see each other the following week.

Friday rolled along and I invited him out that night drinks with me and a girlfriend. He said he already had plans but that next time he would be down. A few hours passed and he asked what time we were going out and he said “great I’ll pick you up at 10:30.” He came out and we had a good night and even shared a couple of kisses (great kisser btw). Then when he was leaving he asked if we could hit the gym and get dinner together this coming week when I got back. I said of course and we plan to go out Wednesday. However, that night when he got home after the bar he followed me on Instagram and I followed him back. He runs a fitness account so naturally I stalked his page just to find this girl ‘22F’ up in his comments for the past week or two. Obvious flirting. He has multiple gym memberships and she goes to one of them. He also comments on her fitness page.

So today he asked me which gym we should workout at and I said one of his instead of mine. He gave me options and I’m actually surprised he offered the gym him and this girl go to. But we decided on a different one. He’s clearly talking to this other girl, no? Am I delusional thinking that they clearly know each other a bit longer than he and I, and if he was really that interested in her why would he be asking me out on dates? I really like this guy and I want things to go somewhere between us but now I’m getting in my head thinking I’m the second choice. How do I play my cards right and keep my cool?

Ps he is part arab and so is she. I’m white. I feel like she has a leg up on me. Please give advice!!!

Update:

I saw some people asking about our communication and visits. I have visited him since he moved, and he is visiting me this month too. I have a trip planned to visit him next month too and he has two trips after that to visit me. For communication, we still text every day and we try to face time most nights.

For the 2-5 year thing, that is the range he gave me because he doesn’t want to commit to one year and then change it once it happens. He wanted to give full transparency. We originally planned to get married in 2 years but he said it will likely be 3. He said 5 could be possible but that’s on the longer end and he doesn’t want to hide that it could be possible.

In terms of finances, I did some thinking ( thank you for those who brought it up!) of what pressures he might be under. I realize with me working and studying my income in the future might be less stable if I decide to study full time. He is also saving to invest in his business and potentially go to school . It doesn’t help that my mom is hinting we should buy a house in VHCOL city.

I realized I have a lot to clarify still with him in terms of my expectations (I’m ok without a house lol) he might have been trying to save up money for everything before marriage.

Original:

I have been dating my bf for about 2 years, but earlier this year he moved to a new country (3 hour flight away) for work.

Before leaving he seemed very in love with me and willing to do anything to be together. To the point where he teared up multiple times before leaving, and asked if I was okay with him going multiple times. We also spoke about plans to get married at the end of 2026.

However, we just had a conversation and he shared that he was worried our future plans and timelines were different. He doesn’t know if he will be ready by end of 2026 and gave me a range of from now so beginning of 2027 to 2030) 2 to 5 years. The reason he says is because he wants to sort out his career and finances first.

He is considering starting his own start up in tech, and he said he wants to try it before getting married. The reason being is if it doesn’t work out he would go back to a corporate job, and he wants to know for certain where his career is headed before being married.

He also mentioned feeling guilty that he has been busy with work but he wants to prioritize his career. He said he knows it’s selfish but he doesn’t want to have any regrets and want to see where his career will lead.

I was shocked and confused so I asked him if he doubted being in a relationship with me. He said no, but he worries about the other aspects. Timeline, finances, career growing apart etc. He said that a few times that it’s not me.

He brought it up the convo first because he said he know we had discussed getting married but he doesn’t think it’s possible on that timeline.

Even though he said that I still have a bad feeling. Do you guys think this is him saying that he does not want to marry me?

AITAH for being angry with my fiancé for barely working? My fiancé (30 male) and I (24 female) are at risk of losing our apartment due to him barely working. For a little bit of context I have a full time job and pay for basically everything, his child support his car insurance our rent our phones and internet and our hydro. He refuses to actually go to work and works maybe 3 times in a week and never full days. I brought it up to him and we got into a huge fight where he says I’m the ass hole for pushing him to either go to work or get a better job. I don’t think I am but I’m starting to doubt myself a little bit so AITAH?

Edit because I guess I left out some context… We’ve been together 4 going on 5 years his daughter and I have become very close over that time… especially after having my son stillborn at 28 weeks less then a year ago..

Hi guys I don’t know if I did this right but hopefully the right people will see this. A lot has happened the last few days and wow… I talked to my dad and learned some interesting information. My uncle Tom who has been stealing my food is taking his anger from my mom out on me. My mom got my grandmas engagement ring when she died as per my grandmas request. Apparently Tom does not like this and is stealing food from me as a way to make my mom “pay him back”. My mom wears the ring she does not plan on selling it Tom thinks it’s valuable and wants the money from it. Also my cat who was my grandmas has been moved to my parents house due to Tom threatening to take her. I finish college this semester and will be moving out shortly because I can’t deal with this anymore.

Also to answer some questions I lived in the house year round and did college online so that I could work full time and take care of the house.

Over a week ago I (26) posted about my sister's breakup with her ex. In summary, my sister (24) and her ex (25) sat us down and told us they were breaking up. My sister did all of the talking and explained she wanted to explore relationships with women and non binary people. She made it seem like she had simply outgrown the relationship and wanted to try other things but they were still going to live together and remain friends. I could tell her ex was devastated by this and felt like she was stringing him along based on some comments she had been making. So I felt bad for him and felt like my sister was kinda doing him dirty.

Now for the update. I hung out with my sister a few days ago and she told me why they really broke up. She found a picture of someone on his phone in a locked folder. The picture was of someone we both know but wasn't inherently sexual. She refused to say who it was. My sister and her ex have had five fights similar to this over the span of their 7 year relationship. He has a porn addiction and tends to masturbate to pictures of other women and did not have interest in sex with my sister. He never changed or worked on it despite promises to do so every time. I've told my sister in the past to break up with him over this but she said it wasn't worth throwing the whole relationship away over one bad habit. Aside from his porn and sex addiction he was a really great partner. When my sister found this picture on his phone it truly was the last straw. They argued about it and broke up. This is vastly different from the story they told me where they had mutually agreed to split because they were better as friends and so my sister could explore her sexuality. This context changed everything.

I asked why my sister felt the need to lie about the reason for the breakup and she said she just didn't want me and my fiance to hate her ex. I kept asking her who the photo was and she wouldn't budge. She also told me her ex downloaded Hinge a few days after their breakup which I guess is fine but a little weird he moved on so fast after 7 years. Later that day her ex messaged me to clear his name. He was upset my sister told me he downloaded Hinge. He sent multiple mass texts about how it was a stupid mistake and it didn't mean anything and then he confessed to hurting my sister as the reason for their breakup. I asked him who the picture was of. He acted confused so I asked again and he said "oh now I remember" and told me it was ME. My sister's ex had a photo of me in a saved locked folder. It was the only photo in that folder. He swears up and down it was an accident and he doesn't know how it ended up there. He said his phone will just do random things like that. I checked and you have to hit four buttons and scroll to move pictures into those types of folders. I don't see how it could be accidental. He took the picture of me when I was over at their apartment once. I'm fully clothed in long sleeves and long pants but I'm laying on my side next to their cat. The photo kind of shows my butt (fully covered just the pants are tight in that area) but it's NOT an attractive angle at all so I don't really see how it could get someone off? Should I be weirded out? He swears it was an accident, my sister is convinced it's intentional. My sister also told me he's said odd comments about my beauty and my body before that have always put her off but it was nothing obvious enough to warrant a conversation? Not sure what that means tbh. My sister doesn't trust anything he's saying anymore but still says I shouldn't cut him out of my life? I'm getting so confused.

What would you do??? He's also the best man in my wedding and my sister is the maid of honor.