r/adhdwomen • u/No-Sign2089 • Feb 26 '25
Rant/Vent petition to replace that survey question about getting up in meetings
I'm so tired of that one question on ADHD diagnostic questionnaires that's like:
- "Do you find yourself getting up at inappropriate times in meetings?"
Absolutely not, I have social anxiety disorder, and I'm a woman, I barely speak in meetings, let alone GET UP randomly in front of my peers.
I did however have an extreme meltdown last week which was not appropriate for the situation, that passed within ten minutes, and casually said "well, at least no one overreacted."
IDK though, I just dislike the question because it's like, one of only ten questions used to diagnose a complex disorder, specifically predicated to hyperactive men, and every time I get it I have to "prove" my impairments are ADHD.
What's your favourite/least favourite ADHD diagnostic question??
EDIT: since there's some confusion - if you love this question, great, I'm glad your symptoms were reflected in a diagnostic questionnaire. Yes, I do believe girls can be hyperactive, no I don't think all hyperactivity related questions should be removed, and my point about inattentive girls/women being missed in terms of percentage of diagnoses reflects the general recent trend as referenced by Barkley et al (Taking Charge of Adult ADHD), Hallowell et al (ADHD 2.0), and Lotta Borg Skoglund (ADHD Girls to Women). My experience and frustrations should not be taken as the default for the 418,000 subscribers to this sub.
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u/Anxious_Biscuit Feb 26 '25
I wished that they included more about internal hyperactivity. Do I stand up or move around during meetings? No. Does my brain start doing parkour over like 15 different things when I should be paying attention? Yes.
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u/SparkleKittyMeowMeow Feb 26 '25
Girls are conditioned from a young age to sit still and be "lady-like", and also to be meek and quiet. So we internalize everything. No one knows what's constantly going on in my head because I've been conditioned from an extremely young age to believe that no one cares what I think, so I sit and smile and don't talk, and even when I feel comfortable enough to talk, I agonize over it afterward, convinced that everyone thought it was stupid.
The way that ADHD affects a woman's brain is often completely opposite to the way that we're told/shown our whole lives is appropriate for girls/women, so we often end up with copious amounts of shame and guilt on top of the inner chaos. Super awesome when this is combined with an abusive childhood! (No, I am not okay lol)
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u/demolitionbumblebee Feb 26 '25
Exactly why I went until my mid 20s without being diagnosed. Because I was never disruptive to anyone but myself. And even when I got the diagnosis I didn't believe them at first lol. But I relate to everything you said 100% including the abusive childhood. It makes my ADHD, bipolar, and anxiety all present very differently from the "norm." Childhood trauma: the gift that keeps on giving!
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u/bubblenuts101 Feb 27 '25
Yes! It should be a question in there, "can you get through this quiz without having a meltdown/overthinking/writing little explanations/mini essays in the margins" As soon as I talked to the dr I started ranting about the questions, I reckon that's the tell 🤣
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u/SublimeAussie Feb 27 '25
For sure! I was on the phone to my bf while doing an ADHD screening thing my Dr gave me, and he was laughing at me as I got more and more frustrated with the questions and my responses to them (he also has ADHD so he gets it, lol)
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u/SparkleKittyMeowMeow Feb 27 '25
I finally took the ADHDonline smartassessment today (after purchasing it a year ago LOL), and oh my god some of the questions were difficult to answer. I'm like, "I mean, I do this occasionally, definitely not 'never', but not on a monthly basis either, so like, I'm lying regardless of whatever answer I choose..."
Seriously, that assessment needs an additional factor where you have your camera and microphone on while you take it and they can see your reactions. And how many times you switch to a new tab because you thought of something you want to investigate, but you're in the middle of A Thing, but if you don't open a new tab to keep in the background, you're going to forget about it before you finish, and now that thing reminded you of another thing that you really gotta make sure that you remember to do, so you make a note of it, and crap, what was I doing?
Edit: Offering to let them read your regular paragraph-long Reddit comments should count too.
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u/RenRidesCycles Feb 26 '25
Yeah, I f'ing hate this question.
"Do you get up during meetings," no, ofc not. Do I fidget during them, have no idea how other people just sit in a chair normally and not move around during a meeting? Yes, well why didn't you ask that.
I swear those screener questions are basically "are you annoying to other people, bc all we really care about is can you do a capitalism job or not."
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u/PinkBubblyLife Feb 27 '25
I agree it's dumb. People used to stare when I'd bounce my leg or fidget too much so now I sit full criss cross Applesauce in the chair so I'm incapable of moving my legs... And then stare out the window because I can't focus since I can't tap my foot or bounce my leg 🙄
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u/papierrose Feb 26 '25
Absolutely. No I will not get up in the middle of a meeting. Will I spend the whole meeting thinking about how much I really need to get up and put that thing in the bin? Yes. Will I also spend the meeting surreptitiously chewing the inside of my cheek and subtly tracing complex artworks on my hand? Absolutely. Will I daydream about the book I’m writing or the dream house I might want to have one day and the pros/cons of living in this beach town vs that one…what was the question?
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u/fractiouscatburglar Feb 27 '25
I have had to start saying, out loud to myself, “STOP CHEWING ON YOUR MOUTH!” Especially when driving.
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u/Probsnotbutstill Feb 26 '25
Oh wow, I thought that was a me thing. I also can’t drive without imagining riding a horse alongside so I could slalom and jump all the road signs.
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u/lilac_roze Feb 27 '25
I have fallen asleep in meetings if I’m not “moving”. I can’t let my mind wonder cause I stop hearing the presenter. So pen/paper doodling or taking notes that I’ll never read again. In rare cases when I’m pulled into a meeting without pen/paper, I have pinch marks on my hands, arms and thighs (wearing dress).
I have always been frustrated with myself since I had my first corporate job. I have come to realize that this is most likely an ADHD thing. Ironically, taking notes made me do very well when I was in university.
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u/alanika Feb 27 '25
Do I get up in the middle of meetings? No. Do I struggle to not swing my office chair back and forth while sitting at a meeting room table or to keep from constantly readjusting my sitting posture/sitting crosslegged or with one foot under me on my chair while in meetings? Abso-freaking-lutely.
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u/geitjesdag Feb 26 '25
That must be an attempt to adultify "does this kid get up and run around in class?" Which not all of us did either. Even if it were prefaced with "do you do things like" it would make more sense. What if your job doesn't have meetings?
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u/No-Sign2089 Feb 26 '25
I did realize I do tend to do it in meetings when I’m dialled in remotely, but it also depends on how interested I am in the meeting 🤷🏼♀️
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u/RevolutionaryBig5890 Feb 26 '25
The first clue I had that there was something… unusual… was looking at the wall of faces on conference calls and realising mine was the only one moving about all the time 🙄
But that’s not “inappropriate”, it’s not disturbing the meeting, I don’t leave the frame, and no one else notices because, frankly, aren’t we all always only staring at ourselves anyway 🤣
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u/okayseriouslywhy Feb 26 '25
BRO I noticed this too 😭😭 how is everyone else not constantly taking drinks and playing with their hair and stuff
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u/taptaptippytoo Feb 27 '25
They're not? I've never noticed that everyone else is still. I can't really pay attention to them for long stretches because my videocall meetings are on my computer which means 100 tabs and 7 spreadsheets of work are right behind that wall of faces and I'm constantly either minimizing it to do one little calculation or add one more sentence to that email I meant to send an hour ago, and then remembering that I'm supposed to be paying attention to the meeting, or trying to shrink it to just the right size that I can see the meeting and also what I actually want to be working on.
Or when I'm in the office and have multiple monitors I have the meeting on one screen and my work on another and the video makes it obvious that I'm looking at something other than my computer with the embedded camera, and I catch glimpses of myself and how clear it is that I'm not paying attention and I try to focus again, over and over and over.
Or I let my mind really roam free and then I can stare mindlessly at the computer, smiling and nodding on autopilot in a way that I hope looks like I'm paying attention, when really I'm absorbing much less than when I'm multitasking and can leave part of my attention on listening while doing other work.
In none of these cases am I able to keep track of what other faces are doing in their little boxes, so I never knew my version wasn't normal. Except for the looking all around at other screens one. That one I can tell doesn't look normal even with nothing to compare to.
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u/shadow_kittencorn Feb 26 '25
I had to do a video interview which we could watch back before submitting. I am literally swinging my chair from side to side in all of them and didn’t notice.
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u/RevolutionaryBig5890 Feb 26 '25
Well, I think we have a pretty decent update for that question, at least 🤣
“How often do you notice you’re the only one moving in the frame during conference calls?”
The rest of that stupid, out dated, cis male oriented, dumb@$$ questionnaire can go hang 🙄
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u/SparkleKittyMeowMeow Feb 26 '25
I do this all the time, and only sometimes realize I'm doing it. I'll also pick up random things on my desk and play with them. I have found that it is way easier for me to sit still and look like I'm paying attention if I crochet during meetings.
Fortunately I work in a field that attracts neurodivergent individuals (at least half of my coworkers are also ADHD), so as long as I'm not doing anything TOO distracting, no one cares.
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u/PupperoniPoodle Feb 26 '25
Omg, I didn't actively notice that at the time I was in a ton of those calls, but you are so right! I can picture it now, and it was me and one other coworker moving. That coworker has told me she has ADHD.
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u/abracapickle Feb 26 '25
This is why I erase my photo from screen otherwise I look at how I look when I’m talking or listening.
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u/I_Thot_So Feb 27 '25
I have a coworker who sits on her sofa sometimes when she’s working from home. She had a background image, so you can’t tell except for the fact that her laptop is clearly on her lap and her legs are moving constantly. When her background image is perfectly still and her floating head and torso is bouncing around, I get motion sickness. It’s pretty hilarious that she has no idea she’s doing it until we point it out.
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u/Tarledsa Feb 26 '25
Oh I have this meeting once a month and I make it a game to see how little I can move.
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u/FlorenceinSummer Feb 26 '25
Lockdown I was able to WFH and I was so happy I could sit on the exercise bike or go for a walk whilst in meetings. It really helped.
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u/lilac_roze Feb 27 '25
Omg I love WFH for this very reason. I can be walking around my condo while on a call. I love stretching during a call too!! And if I don’t need to speak, I’ll do brainless chores like vacuuming and dishes.
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u/Special-Garlic1203 Feb 27 '25
Lol right. I literally don't know a single adult who would just stand up and walk around in a meeting. That just feels incoherent.
I did frequently find excuses to get up from my desk while working throughout the day and pace around the office. I can get very squirmy in long meetings. I will change my leg position a thousand different ways.
But standing up randomly when my boss is talking sound like a great way to get fired
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u/Wchijafm Feb 27 '25
For adults it would be more like having the urge to get up during a meeting. Constantly moving legs/feet/fidgeting. Realize you have no idea what has been discussed for the last 10 minutes.
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u/kittenshatchfromeggs Feb 26 '25
I’d rather pee my pants than get up during a meeting.
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u/RevolutionaryBig5890 Feb 26 '25
“Have you ever ignored the need to pee so long that you have, or nearly have, peed your pants”
I mean… yes! And I know from talking to other ADHDers that I’m not alone.
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u/poplarleaves Feb 26 '25
I had a really really embarrassing moment where I did that in seventh grade. At a friend's house. Most mortifying experience in existence.
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u/the-gaming-cat Feb 26 '25
Hold my beer lol. I did that at 12 years old, In the bus from school, one stop before I got off.
Also, why do I have the ability to forget thousands of things, yet this memory clings on ? 😭
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u/chekhovsdickpic Feb 26 '25
I once sat in my car goofing off on my phone so long (because I wasn’t ready to make the car-to-home transition) that I ended up having to emergency pee in the yard when I finally tried to go inside.
This was like 2 years ago.
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u/RevolutionaryBig5890 Feb 26 '25
I see your 12, and raise you to 15yo. In class. Mortifying.
I think you’all must be my best friends because I have never felt safe enough to admit that to anyone before. 🤣 It’s one of the most shameful things I’ve been carrying with me and I only realised it was probably an ADHD symptom in the last couple of months, after a friend admitted to me that she still, to this day (we’re both comfortably middle aged), ignores needing to pee until it’s almost too late.
I think I read somewhere it’s something to do with those signals from our body not making it through the other noise in our heads to get consciously noticed until the pressure is… significant. I think there’s a certain amount of ED for me too, I know I need to go, but I don’t want to.
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u/Hot_Establishment864 Feb 26 '25
Wait this is so interesting. I am almost daily waiting until it's too late and running to the bathroom and I am 40 years old. I have never put that together that it is an ADHD thing but it makes total sense.
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u/SublimeAussie Feb 27 '25
I think it's also a priority thing. Like, I'll stubbornly ignore my bladders' desperate cries if it means I have to walk away from a job that will just take me a minute to complete, so HOLD ON! I don't know if it's that I'm afraid I won't come back and finish it (which... is a distinct possibility) or just sheer annoyance at my body trying to interrupt me mid-activity, or something else, but I'll almost wet myself rather than walk away from my child's half-made sandwich 😆
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u/No-Sign2089 Feb 27 '25
I used to be one of those people that’s like “I NEVER ignore my body’s needs!” Then realized I played a video game for 8 hours straight without eating, drinking or using this bathroom. This was like last week. I’m in my mid-thirties. Wtf.
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u/lottery2641 Feb 27 '25
Lmao in elementary school I was taking a test and peed my pants bc I was trying to finish it before going to the bathroom (even though I was allowed to go before finishing 😭) ✨not diagnosed until 22✨
I also ran for class president or something around the same time and gave my speech with ✨one shoe✨ apparently bc somehow I lost it??? Truly don’t know how I wasn’t diagnosed sooner 😭
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u/Larry_the_scary_rex Feb 26 '25
I hate the driven by a motor question. Does my brain constantly run? Yes. Would i have ever described it in that manner? No.
I am of the full belief that the entire questionnaire needs an overhaul to be more inclusive to girls/women and take more social context into account as well
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u/demolitionbumblebee Feb 26 '25
I hate that question too! Like what does that even mean?? I always picture a little man in my head behind a steering wheel driving me around when I see that question.
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u/RenRidesCycles Feb 26 '25
It's so strangely specific. It's kinda one of the things that reminds me that the DSM is just a book written by humans trying to put words to clusters of symptoms and behaviors.
"Do you feel like you're being driven by a motor" is an unserious question!
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u/Mshunkydory Feb 27 '25 edited Feb 27 '25
“Do you get a last minute surge of “motivation” when a due date is approaching?” Is what the question should be imo
when I was getting diagnosed and read the motor question I was like ????? no??? maybe??? what does this even mean?? How fast is the motor going????
ETA: I think the follow up q should be “do you also get so overwhelmed that you can’t do anything at all… until that inevitable surge of fleeting motivation comes back?”
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u/gardentwined Feb 27 '25
There's so many questions that I feel like should have an option thats just "I don't even know wtf this means". And all questions should have a checkmark next to them that you can check that indicates you think it's a bad question.
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u/purple_phoenix_23 AuDHD Feb 27 '25
I hate that question? I have no idea what that means!! Does it mean I keep moving even when I'm exhausted because I'm driven by a motor? Or does it mean I do things without thinking because of this motor? Is it a metaphor for not feeling in control of my own actions?
Strange metaphors have no place in diagnostics.
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u/RevolutionaryBig5890 Feb 27 '25
Also men that are highly socialised and predominantly inattentive type, which is an increasing number as society is (thankfully) shifting away from toxic masculinity.
I know my Mum (75) had ADHD, but we’ll never know about my Dad (80) because he sadly now has dementia and there isn’t really enough of him left to ask. It’s pretty obvious in my Mum, but my Dad… I do wonder… 🤔 He’s basically shut down emotionally and has been since forever, he doesn’t talk much and has had severe depression forever too. It’s really hard to say, but he was smart, underachieving his potential, drummed his fingers all the time, still has really significant restless legs, binge eating disorder, very significant executive disfunction (the man rarely started anything, and it’s a running joke in our family that he never finished a DIY task he did start)… I never knew why he underperformed at work, only that he did and was first in the line to be made redundant when the 90s hit and jobs stopped being for life. He had zero self esteem, constant guilt and shame… If he was a women, I think I’d be looking at that list and thinking it looked an awful lot like someone just not coping with inattentive ADHD 🤔
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u/Ready-Wolf2325 Feb 26 '25
Yesterday I got into a heated discussion with my new therapist because of something like that. It was a German questionaire on executive functions. Two questions for each function. According to the test I'm good at realizing tasks which I'm most certainly not. But the questions were if I meet deadlines and whether I'm able to do daily routines such as tidying up and grocery shopping. I'm like: Of course I meet deadlines, that's literally the only way to get me motivated: fear. Otherwise I'll just be busy doing chores like tidying up and grocery shopping instead of realizing my actual task. The therapist just kept refering to the test and didn't even understand my issue. The same test was like "Do social situations work out for you?" I didn't even understand what they were asking! How is that a yes/no question? At this point I'm not even sure about the therapist anymore. She's a specialist for ADHD but I feel like she's not very flexibel in her way of thinking.
In general I really hated how judgy the tests were. Like they asked if I talk to much or if I'm to emotional. I do talk a lot and I can be very emotional. But who decides what's to much? They could just ask if I talk a lot and if I'm emotional.Why am I forced to judge myself if I want my personality reflected realistically?
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u/Secure-Flight-291 Feb 26 '25
This sounds infuriating. My heart rate is increasing just reading about it. I wish they asked how hard it is for us to do these things, rather than if we do them at all. Of course I go grocery shopping! But not until I’ve avoided it for several days and I’ve determined my husband can’t go instead and I have sat in the parking lot for 30 minutes, dreading it.
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u/Ready-Wolf2325 Feb 26 '25
Exactly: Like how hard is it and how much time and energy do you waste until it's done?
However, I'm more like: I don't want to do my task, it's hard. I'm bored and I want a snack. I should go grocery shopping because I know EXACTLY what I want. Opsie, I got distracted and bought way to much stuff before I even ran out. Opsie, I ran out of money after only 2 of 4 weeks but I guess my kitchen is stocked from all the grocery shopping. Luckily I won't starve and also: What an interesting challenge to cook something nice just from what I can find in my kitchen without proper planning! Life's so exciting! I love being poor! haha BTW, why do I have 10 cans of baked beans? I never eat those! Oh no how did this deadline sneak up on me? I could swear it wasn't there before! I'm gonna have to work 24/7 now - I'm super angry at everybody else now!
Those tests made me feel more crazy than I ever did before and I have been to a mental hospital multiple times...
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u/RevolutionaryBig5890 Feb 26 '25
This is such a simple and obvious fix! Not “can you do X?”, but “can you do X and, if so, how difficult/what techniques to do use to do it”.
Also, constantly having to manage all those coping mechanisms is EXHAUSTING. Where on the questionnaire does it ask about how well you sleep, and how tired you feel all day, every effing day?
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u/ptrst Feb 26 '25
I like "Do you have a strategy for doing X?" or "Does X take up a disproportionate amount of your time/effort?"
Of course I get the grocery shopping done, I have a small child who likes to eat and a husband who would not appreciate DoorDash 7 nights a week. But I have to plan ahead (like days), and then I put it off as long as possible, and I worry about it the whole time.
Or like "Are you often late for appointments?" No, that's what Waiting Mode is for. I'll be perfectly on time for my 3PM appointment because I have been staring at the clock since 10AM to make sure I don't forget.
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u/Ready-Wolf2325 Feb 26 '25
True! I actually had a questionnaire with questions about sleep etc too but it was to determine clinical depression. (Which I don't have, it's just adhd overwhelm... but the test said otherwise) Standardized tests can only get you so far, I guess...
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u/Nina_Kitten Feb 27 '25
The part about grocery shopping and 10 cans of beans that I never eat sent me, that is too real. The amount of stuff in my pantry that I have no intention of ever touching just because I was like "wow that sounds interesting let me buy 20 of them just so I won't run out in case I end up liking it"..
I don't know if I wanna laugh or cry 😭😭😭
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u/Ready-Wolf2325 Feb 27 '25
haha me too! atleast 2/3 of my pantry is stuff I don't even eat. Like I used to eat baked beans almost daily. but the moment passed. I'll probably never eat them now :D
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u/Nina_Kitten Feb 27 '25
That's exactly it 😭
I have like 30 boxes of tea that I got when I was obsessed and I'm slowly working through them at work at least, but there's also like 20 packs of soba noodles that I have no intention of ever eating but also kinda feel bad about throwing away so they are just rotting..
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u/Ready-Wolf2325 Feb 27 '25
I started trading foods with others. Also I'm way less picky when I don't eat alone. So I'd eat stuff like that with guests.
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u/DungeonsandDoofuses Feb 26 '25
I got a great tip from my psychiatrist about it before I took the assessment, which is that if you have a system or tricks to do it, or you can only do it when it’s that or disaster, answer that you can’t do it. Because neurotypical people just do this shit without systems, and having created systems that allow you to accomplish normal activities doesn’t mean you’re not impaired.
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u/SublimeAussie Feb 27 '25
... your psychiatrist is a genius and deserves an award because it's so obvious it fucking hurts 😭
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u/lilac_roze Feb 27 '25
I do not go grocery shopping. My neurotypical husband does after I came back from a grocery trip with 10 bags of chips, 2 tubs of ice cream, and some pantry staples.
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u/abracapickle Feb 26 '25
The tests must be based on tests created for young boys. This is the appropriate place to ask what questions should be made for adult women. Maybe, “Do you crash out after deadlines for a weekend or more or push yourself to exhaustion/illness for fear of being fired or guilt of disappointing colleagues?”
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u/Ready-Wolf2325 Feb 27 '25
Actually "Are you too emotional?" felt like it was targeting women :D I'm pretty sure that my results would have been interpreted differently, had they not compared me to other women only. I've been often told that I act like men at times.
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u/abracapickle Feb 27 '25
Yes. And numerous little boys are too emotional when young until they go through puberty and shift to expressing their frustration through yelling and physical outbursts.
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u/No-Sign2089 Feb 26 '25
god I am so sorry. That’s what is so nefarious about this disorder: you can do the thing, but the point is other people can do it without relying on fear to motivate them. And there’s a point where your body can’t take being a flight or fight response all the time and just gives up.
For my diagnostic assessment, I had an online questionnaire that was 100 questions or something to complete on my own time. I did half, walked away for a bit, and when I came back I answered the remaining questions so differently the results were “not clinically significant” or something. But my psychologist was like “this result is a pretty good indication of inattentive ADHD.” 🫠
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u/bsubtilis Feb 26 '25
I would have hated doing a digital questionnaire so much! I basically decided that instead of angsting too much, correctly grading me numerically would be their problem and anything that didn't feel like a straightforward yes or no (or number) I'd just add all the text in the margins and they could get to fix it themselves because I added all the necessary info and like I have no idea what normal people would consider that because being diagnosed late had shown me how incredibly wrong I was about a lot of my assumptions. Like that meme about that a normal amount of pain is actually zero.
I wasn't asked to redo anything, so it worked out great for me.
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u/RevolutionaryBig5890 Feb 26 '25
This! How can I know how I compare to “normal”?! For me, this is normal!
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u/Ready-Wolf2325 Feb 26 '25
Yes, I feel like I'm not getting anything done and burnt out at the same time...
Great that she took you seriously anyways! My results showed very strong adhd symptoms too despite many questions being stupid. The therapist said I have stronger symptoms than 95,6% of people which is way above average even for people with adhd. She said she couldn't treat me without medication (which I was already on when answering the questionaires). Well, we'll see. I'm gonna start another kind of therapy as well that focuses on stress reduction. I'm really looking forward to that
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u/benohokum Feb 26 '25
The German questionnaires are horrible!
I gave long answers to every one of them. Funny thing, my therapist, in a special centre with specialists with at least a doctorate, said I don't qualify based on what I "do". Because she followed it by word.
I thankfully had the chance to get another assessment via the hospital because I fought with them and got another diagnosis from India and kept asking for a German diagnosis "because I just want to be sure". This time a young med student was giving the questionnaire. And he said to see if I "have the urge to" or tendency to instead of actually doing them because maybe I'm just internally policing myself but then focussing entirely on the policing. And then still doing it many times anyway. That's how I qualified. Also if you're still in Germany, ask them to give you the test where they ask you to do patterns and small tasks with and without time pressure. Somehow it helped my official diagnosis.
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u/DungeonsandDoofuses Feb 26 '25
I sort of get the “too” questions, though I think they are poorly phrased. I’m not a psychologist so I could be misinterpreting this, take it with a grain of salt. The hallmark of it being a disorder, as I understand it, is that it is disruptive to your life. If you’re talkative but it’s never a problem, that symptom might not be significant enough to qualify as clinically relevant. But if you’re talkative enough that other people complain about it or it causes social difficulty or work problems, then it’s impacting your life and relevant. But “too” is still judgy there. I feel like it could be better phrased “do other people complain that you talk to much” or “have you ever gotten in trouble for being talkative”. But it’s still so subjective, like what if you just have d-bags around you who shame you for a normal amount of talking? I’m in an industry where no one has an issue with talking while you work but in other jobs I’d probably be reprimanded frequently for the same level of chattiness. A two question per category yes/no questionnaire seems vastly insufficient to tease out the particulars.
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u/Milabial Feb 26 '25
I did once get to say “no but I did once leave a sexual encounter in the middle to go get a snack, and I brought the snack back to bed. I feel like that’s much more serious of a social transgression so ¯_(ツ)_//¯”
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u/endsmeeting Feb 26 '25
I think they could just rephrase it as "do you often feel the urge to move or get up in meetings, do you have to concentrate on staying still or find excuses to move around (like serving coffee, writing on the whiteboard etc)?"
Even better would be "do you feel that you expend significant energy on controlling impulses that feel natural to you, but would appear odd in professional settings, like fidgeting, interrupting or getting up?"
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u/XxInk_BloodxX Feb 26 '25
I like the second one because it applies to more job types. I wouldn't even be able to answer a meeting question because I've never worked a job with meetings.
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u/ACtdawg Feb 26 '25
Yep when my therapist was going through the questions with me, I asked her to elaborate on it cause I didn’t understand (obviously I am a woman and have enough sense of decorum to never do that lol, nor have I ever seen anyone else do that), and your comment is pretty much how she explained it to me.
Regardless, the questions need a serious overhaul because they’re too weirdly specific and difficult to understand!
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u/RevolutionaryBig5890 Feb 26 '25
Hard agree. That question makes me angry every time I read it, it could practically have been designed to filter out women! TBH, the whole questionnaire feels outdated to me.
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u/No-Sign2089 Feb 26 '25
When I first got my job in 2017, I spoke so little at work my manager was afraid I’d quit 😭😭😭
I realized I have to stop being pedantic about questions though, because coming up with qualifications and then downplaying the severity of my impairments is shooting me in the foot.
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u/RevolutionaryBig5890 Feb 26 '25 edited Feb 26 '25
I really struggle with this, I’ve been masking for 40 years, I had no choice but to create coping mechanisms. They started out quite destructive but got healthier over time. With hindsight, you can see the path of destruction ADHD laid through my life, but “how often do you have difficulty wrapping up the final details of a project?” I don’t, not any more, because I’ve worked really hard to build habits that enable me to finish things. I don’t know where the ADHD stops and the coping mechanisms begin, how do I even begin to answer the questionnaire?
I don’t struggle to organise my tasks… because I’ve learned to use open and closed to do lists to get tasks out of my working memory and manage task overwhelm.
I (usually) don’t miss meetings … because I’m VERY careful to put everything in my calendar straight away and I now use Tiimo to help me manage my day. I still do sometimes, though, because I often forget to check my calendar 🙄
I’ve learned the power of the “just one thing” hack (where you break tasks down into just the next tiny tiny action) to get past executive disfunction, and of productive procrastination (where you fill the time you’re procrastinating a task you don’t want to do with other also valuable tasks). I now understand that there’s no point beating myself up for procrastinating as I actually have a very accurate sense of how much time I need to do something and I do always get it done before the deadline, I just need the anxiety and fear of failing to build up enough to push me into starting. I understand that open ended deadlines means a task won’t get done and insist people give me concrete ones to aim for.
I fidget all the time, big whoop? 🤷 I have a standing desk and I walk around when I need to. I quit the careers that required me to sit still for long periods of time and now I’ve found one that suits me really well.
How often do I feel driven, as by a motor? Every day, baby, I call it “motivated to do a job I love”.
I’m not great at catching mistakes because I literally cannot bring myself to read something twice (it’s too boring the second time), so I get everything important checked by people around me. That’s just a wise thing for everyone to be doing anyway!
So I do all right at work. Relationship wise, I’m a disaster zone, but after 40 years of pain, I stopped trying and literally went to live by myself halfway up a mountain because, if I didn’t have to interact with people, I wouldn’t have to hear the criticisms, or feel the RSD. But the questionnaire doesn’t ask any questions about that.
And so on, and so on.
Meditation is really difficult, but I do it when I can because it helps with mindful awareness, which helps me with a lot of other symptoms, like paying attention to what my friends and family are telling me.
I never rely on my memory, everything gets written down.
I thinks it’s pretty clear I have ADHD, but very little about that questionnaire will draw that out, or reveal how hard I have to work to manage it.
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u/Specialist-Debate136 Feb 26 '25
Your point about a lifetime of masking to get by in life is a GREAT one. I was undiagnosed until a couple years ago at 40. And it’s like, yeah I can do all this stuff because I have spent 40 years getting good at circumnavigating the hardships I’ve had doing those things, out of necessity. WHERE DOES THE ADHD STOP AND THE COPING MECHANISMS BEGIN is the best way I have ever heard ti describe this!
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u/LadyTiaBeth Feb 26 '25
I found it helpful during the diagnosis process to explain why I didn't do certain behaviors or struggle with certain things. Because my explanations usually revealed it was something I struggled with but I had developed a lot of coping mechanisms through trial and error over three decades of life.
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u/Tarledsa Feb 26 '25
When I filled out the questionnaire for my therapist I took notes on the reasons why I didn’t do those things (masking). It was eye opening for sure.
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u/RevolutionaryBig5890 Feb 26 '25
You shouldn’t need training to navigate a diagnostic questionnaire effectively. The fact that we do shows it’s a bad tool.
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u/RenRidesCycles Feb 26 '25
To be this is partly highlighting the issue that we use ADHD to mean two different things.
There's how your brain functions, and science is learning ways that neurotypical and neurodivergent work differently. [To the best of my current understanding] some people's brains work certain ways and that true whether you find that helpful, harmful, or neutral.
Then there's diagnosis / DSM / legal accomodations and disability, etc. Those are defined by difficulty.
If you have a neurodivergent brain but it's not currently negatively impacting your quality of life, you don't meet diagnostic criteria. This makes sense from a legal definition standpoint but I think it's disappointingly limiting within psychology/ therapy and helping people to live well with their own brains.
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u/RevolutionaryBig5890 Feb 26 '25
It’s absolutely negatively impacting my quality of life. The history of binge drinking, drug use, eating disorder, failed careers, and the fact that I MOVED HALFWAY UP A MOUNTAIN TO AVOID RSD ought to make that pretty clear.
I have developed good productivity coping skills that mean I am able, at the cost of a huge amount of energy and effort, to do ok in my job.
If the DSM can’t tell the difference between “has developed decent productivity coping skills” and “is not currently negatively impacting your life”, then it’s time we moved on to DSM 6 🙄
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u/Ennui-Turnip_ Feb 26 '25
During my diagnosis screening, my evaluator asked me if I pre-plan conversations in my head and I didn't know the answer. I know I have in the past, and I think I might now (for conversations/relationships I can't just flat out avoid), but it's become part of the scenery. I don't notice it. Diagnosed at 38, and as I learn more about what ADHD is, I can recognize more of my habits as coping mechanisms but that one stumped me.
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u/RenRidesCycles Feb 26 '25
Yes yes yes.
I took the screener once with Kaiser. I answered "sometimes" to a bunch of the questions.
I got re-evaluated later by another provider. As I'm going through the questions, my partner would look over and say "Sometimes? You do that almost all the time" .... because I have no idea what the "sometimes" or "frequently" baseline is supposed to be.
So many of the screeners are sooooo bad.
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u/fingers Feb 27 '25
You haven't met me. My HD makes it hard for me to sit. If I have to pee, I'm up like a lightening bolt and just gone. I don't even excuse myself. I might say out lout, "I have to pee." which is very inappropriate in a meeting.
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u/okaaneris Feb 26 '25
Oof yes.
This also reminded me of how a psychiatrist said I "don't have a problem" because my dad didn't think I struggled.
The same dad who sent me to Chinese school without telling me and then didn't pick me up? (We don't speak Chinese)
The same dad who dropped me off places without checking if the event was actually on or not? And then I'd get stranded there for hours?
... right.
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u/RevolutionaryBig5890 Feb 26 '25
The whole “problems must have been present since childhood” thing is… problematic. Not because I disagree, I get ADHD is a developmental disorder and doesn’t appear later in life. But how can I prove that? I don’t remember my childhood, which is a symptom of ADHD! Nor does my Mum, because she almost certainly also has ADHD, and my Dad wasn’t there. I remember some super indicative stuff from around age 15, and plenty from my 20s, but that’s too late 🤷
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u/Dishmastah Feb 26 '25
Not to mention we tend to do well when our time is scheduled, and at what time of your life is your life always on a schedule? When you're in school. My weekdays were get up, have breakfast, get ready, go to school, and of course by the time I got home again, that was most of the day already done!
Being at work isn't necessarily the same thing. In school we had lunch at a specific time, in a specific place, and we had whatever food was served that day. At work I have to bring my own food, or decide what to have and where to get it from, and when to have it. The day isn't generally "one hour work on emails, one hour do this, one hour do that" either. And then you go home and have to figure out what to have for dinner (which, as a child, was someone else's problem), and sort that out, and there was no homework, etc. etc.
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u/RevolutionaryBig5890 Feb 26 '25
I didn’t do a single piece of homework from age 12-16 and no one seems to have noticed?! I suppose because I was doing alright in my exams and not disruptive in class? It still confuses me, though, why did no one say anything? Was I really that invisible? It’s possible… class sizes were big at the time.
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u/Dishmastah Feb 26 '25
I never understood how to study, so if they said "read pages 10-13", I read them. Once. Isn't that what you were supposed to do? (Having a test on chapters 1+2? Okay, guess I'll read chapters 1+2 more than once? 🤷♀️)
For the most part we didn't have lots of homework, or it wasn't of the kind where we'd have to hand it in, just "read this bit of text" or "practice these words" (which, a few times in French, was "read the list of 10 words frantically while you're waiting outside the classroom before French class and hope you remember them"). I remember when I was 16 and we'd get maths homework, which I never did and was never asked about it, so I just did those bits during maths lessons.
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u/okaaneris Feb 26 '25
EXACTLY! It disadvantages people who don't have access to proof for any number of reasons.
Eg immigrants who disposed of their paper work prior to moving (like me), people whose parents don't keep good records or have poor memories (maybe because of ADHD, maybe neglect), people whose parents are for whatever reason just not there, people whose parents think nothing was wrong because "they do the same thing, and that's normal" (a lot of people on this sub whose parents ALSO have ADHD), and I'm sure there are way more people than that. It's so frustrating
Plus we know by now that a lot of the struggles experienced by girls with ADHD are internalised (manifesting as anxiety) where boys externalise (manifesting as disruptive or other) - so us girls may not be outwardly having problems, but inside we're dying a death of a thousand paper cuts, but nobody can see beneath the veneer of "please love me, I want to be your perfect child".
Or I might have examples from childhood, but I don't know what are the best examples to share? The questions don't spark memories, but people's posts and even memes do!
I'm in full rant mood lately. I'm planning to try and get my provisional diagnosis confirmed, but it's so disheartening. Ugh.
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u/lottery2641 Feb 27 '25
LITERALLY THIS like ofc my mom is like “you’re good! You had no symptoms, you were a good kid” even when i was almost kicked out of the program i was in at school bc of grades, my room was always a mess, my homework was always a mess and i often forgot about it, we started basically all of my science fair projects at 10pm the night before it was due, i broke random things like a glass table and our couch cushion, my report cards always said inattentive/missing assignments etc etc etc 😭😭😭 but she’s also def adhd so she doesn’t remember unless i explicitly am like “what about xyzabcd???”
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u/RevolutionaryBig5890 Feb 27 '25
Heh. It was only when I was thinking about this earlier that I remembered I never ever tidied my room. Instead, I would shove everything under the bed, or if that didn’t work, sweep it all into a black bag and tell Mum to just throw it away. I still prefer to get rid of my possessions than have to deal with keeping them tidy 🤣
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u/HugeTheWall Feb 27 '25 edited Feb 27 '25
I hated this. Bruh I was playing in the playground and doing crafts in school and climbing trees and learning a crazy variety of new things. Homework was dioramas and shit. Other than social anxiety school was fun as a little kid.
Now I'm 40 and my work has no gym time, I don't get up every 15 minutes to start new fun crafts, there are no Mr Sketch markers and no jungle gym wall. The environment is way different yet the normals are doing fine and I feel like I'm in jail.
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u/Aur3lia Feb 26 '25
I just said yes. Do I actually do it? No. But I am fidgety and distracted, and I figured that was close enough.
I always wonder why there aren't more questions about decision paralysis and executive dysfunction. It seems like those are the symptoms least helped by medication and therapy.
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u/Tia_is_Short ADHD-C Feb 27 '25
There is actually DSM criteria for those, no?
“1f: Often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort” would easily cover executive dysfunction at least
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u/Aur3lia Feb 27 '25
Oh yes definitely, I just felt like there weren't a lot of specific questions about that on the assessments I did and for me at least, it's the hardest symptom to manage
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u/Mshunkydory Feb 26 '25
I remember one of the questions being about when I was a kid and getting in trouble at school. Like no of course I didn’t get in trouble I had an insane fear of that so I just daydreamt instead
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u/Secure-Flight-291 Feb 26 '25
Yep. “Sorry. I was too busy people pleasing and beating myself up for every perceived shortcoming to act out.”
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u/ikoabd Feb 26 '25
Exactly! I was TERRIFIED of authority. I was the quiet, “is a pleasure to have in class” kid. 😅
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u/Mshunkydory Feb 26 '25
”is a pleasure to have in class”
The flashback I just endured to every single report card of mine 😭
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u/sberg207 Feb 26 '25
And what's the definition of "trouble"??? Did I socialize too much and have those comments on my report card? Yes. Did I refuse to do homework? No. Was I disruptive? Well, if I was talking, probably. But I didn't run around the classroom like some of the boys!
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u/ambercrayon Feb 26 '25
I got in trouble for reading instead of listening, and for passing notes. I will never stop reading instead of listening so that punishment failed utterly.
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u/Dishmastah Feb 26 '25
I got in trouble once and was MORTIFIED. (And pissed off, because *I* was the one who got caught and got in trouble when there were at least three others involved, and they were the instigators, which I told my teachers because hey, I shouldn't be the only one having to go home with a letter saying I'd had detention when others were equally - or, rather, more - guilty!)
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u/Ancient-Patient-2075 Feb 27 '25
Oh man, even as a kid I had a natural aversion towards being an informer. Teachers, parents etc hated that lol!!
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u/lottery2641 Feb 27 '25
I did get in trouble once for ✨reading✨ (after I finished the warm up????? When everyone else was talking????) and he called me out in front of everyone and I had to write an essay about respect 😭😭😭 I still absolutely despise him, that’s like the only time I got in trouble I think
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u/PBnJwithchips Feb 26 '25 edited Feb 26 '25
That question cements for me the idea that the people who create and diagnose neurodivergence are by and large, completely ignorant about neurodivergence especially in women. Most of us have had those behaviors beaten out of us, figuratively and literally. Sitting through a boring meeting is absolutely agony for me, which is what the criteria should address. Not assume that my ability to white knuckle a shred of impulse control means I don’t have ADHD.
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u/Mutant_Jedi Feb 26 '25
I literally quit choir at my church because during Covid they had us sit in chairs six feet apart on stage, but then they didn’t have us leave after the songs were over, we just sat there onstage the whole time the pastor was preaching. Not only that, but we also taped/livestreamed it, so not only was I directly behind the pastor for those in person, I was also in full view for everyone watching online as well. I was like “listen I love you guys, but this is physically painful for me to sit here and try not to move around.” Still haven’t rejoined either.
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u/Opeawesome Feb 27 '25
As someone who not only has ADHD and mild social anxiety but also FIRMLY believes church choirs should be heard and NOT seen, that sounds infuriating!
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u/Browncoat23 Feb 26 '25
There’s a Russell Barkley video where he goes over the DSM criteria and asks the diagnostic questions, but for a few of them he makes a point to substitute them with “adult” versions because he understands the questions were created with children in mind.
For one of them, I forget which (it might have been the do you have trouble waiting your turn question), he added, “Or if you’re an adult, do you tend to speed while driving because you’re impatient?” and that was a holy shit moment for me, even though I’d already been diagnosed and medicated at that point. Because one of the first things I noticed after starting meds was that I had zero desire to play speed racer on highways anymore. I hadn’t even realized my hyperactivity was showing up like that.
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u/No-Sign2089 Feb 26 '25
Yes!!! Honestly…I gotta say, I’m pretty happy I never had a car as a teenager. I think it would’ve been bad being undiagnosed.
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u/bapakeja Feb 26 '25
I feel like so much of ADHD diagnosis is aimed at how much we make things difficult for those around us and not how ADHD is making life difficult for us. It’s as if to the world it’s the, “Could you just not!” disorder to them. If we’re internally going bonkers but don’t outwardly show it, then it’s fine to them. It’s not f’ing fine though, arrgh!
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u/RenRidesCycles Feb 26 '25
100%. It's insulting. (Many) screeners are just a list of annoying characteristics and very little questions about how you actually feel and do things internally.
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u/AnkuSnoo Feb 26 '25 edited Feb 26 '25
I came to the realization a few years ago that I was conditioned in childhood to believe that the worst thing you can do is inconvenience other people. This was largely my dad’s influence - he would nag us for making “unnecessary noise”, fidgeting, “creating work”, etc. He was very bothered by that kind of thing (he was most likely autistic, but he’s gone now so we’ll never know for sure) and I really believe it shaped me. I’m a people pleaser and very anxious about anything I do that could be perceived as selfish. Even things like the fact I’m very environmentally conscious and was very into zero waste at one point - it occurred to me recently that this is essentially just another way I’m trying to minimize how much space I take up in the world. A lot of my ADHD symptoms give me this anxiety too - like having to ask people to repeat themselves because I didn’t hear them or my brain is misprocessing what they said. Even though it’s not a problem for someone to repeat or clarify, it still flares up anxiety in me because my natural instinct is to assume I’m putting them out by asking them to accommodate me.
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u/kam_lane Feb 26 '25
It’s genuinely wilddddd when I was getting assessed I literally said “no, I’m not a child, that would not fly at my job but I do fidget a lot” and that was an adequate answer. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/FionaGoodeEnough Feb 26 '25
If it is Zoom, I go make coffee, I paint my nails, I play with little blocks, I draw, I play solitaire. If it is in person I doodle.
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u/Quierta Feb 26 '25
Seriously!! No, I don't get up at inappropriate times because I am fully capable of being a professional. I do, however, retreat to my own little mental fantasies and then have to look my boss in the eyes and say, "I was not at all paying attention." when you finally realize he asked you a direct question and the whole meeting has been staring at you for 30 seconds ROFL
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u/didntwantaname Feb 26 '25
Ugh I despise that question. Also "Do you frequently interrupt others when talking" Do I want to, yes! Some people talk slow and I know what they're going to say. But I don't do that because I have social skills. That doesn't mean I don't have adhd 🙄
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u/MerryJanne Feb 26 '25
That question honestly is really valid.
Do I interrupt people?
All. The. Time.
Did if affect my jobs and social life?
Detrimentally.
When did I realize how irritating and disruptive it was?
After I was medicated and dealing with another unmedicated ADHD friend.
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u/RevolutionaryBig5890 Feb 26 '25
The problem is the present tense.
“Do I frequently interrupt others?” Absolutely not.
Have I been socially punished so hard and so often for doing it in the past that I now present as “shy” and am so anxious about speaking up that I more or less stopped doing it entirely? Yes, oh so very yes.
Do I pour all that trapped energy into giant wall-of-text-writing that my friends find annoying and can’t be bothered to read because I haven’t quite yet learned to translate my in-person masking to text comms? Definitely 😕
The questionnaire doesn’t work if you’re old enough to have learned to mask, often in very damaging ways. It needs changing, and urgently.
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u/MerryJanne Feb 26 '25 edited Feb 26 '25
I didn't though. This was my number one thing I couldn't really mask. I either didn't speak at all, or over talked everyone.
If I am unmedicated, I still do it to this day. I am better at catching myself doing it, more aware, but I still do so.
Edit: I just wanted to add, I wasn't diagnosed until I was 39. Looking back at my life pre-med... wow. I was a mess. I thought I was masking well... yeah, no. I wasn't. Not really. I know this is different for everyone, and we all have different trauma's about our life pre and post diagnosis. But this one really messed my life up.
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u/Ancient-Patient-2075 Feb 26 '25
I either didn't speak at all, or over talked everyone.
I've done the "don't speak at all" thing so many times and I couldn't even tell why I was doing it. Some professor gently referring to me as quiet and I'm like "me, LOL have you even met me??" and only now have learned that I did it because I have indeed two options: to be too talkative and impulsive to neurotypical standards, or shut up entirely.
Meds make it easier to shut up, but it's still a blunt tool and I've learned there are quite a bit of people who prefer me to not to try that. My relationships actually deteriorated when I tried to behave like someone else.
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u/LadyTiaBeth Feb 26 '25
I hate that question as well. I'm also a women with social anxiety and I never wanted to do anything to draw attention to myself.
So I never got out of my seat but I daydreamed, doodled, fiddled with my hands, jiggled my foot, picked at my skin...
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u/Iamgoaliemom Feb 26 '25
I am a woman and I have been known to get up and walk around in a meeting. I usually volunteer to be the scribe at the board if I am not facilitating because it allows me to move around and focus better on the material.
I can't speak to the diagnostic questions. I don't remember doing a questionnaire when I was diagnosed, but it was about 12 years ago. I remember having a series of conversations with the specialist. She asked me questions but they were much more conversational than yes or no. We talked a lot about why I sought out an assessment, what behaviors I would like to change, what impacts my behaviors had on me and the people around me, etc. I don't recall ever getting asked questionnaire type questions but she certainly would have gotten the answers from our conversations. 3 sessions and I received a diagnosis. 2 more to talk about managing my meds and developing coping skills that work better in my current settings than the ones I used to get through school. Then monthly sessions with the psychaistiat for about 18 months to get my meds dialed in.
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u/Rit_Zien Feb 26 '25
I feel like it should be "do you have the urge to..." cause yes, I absolutely do, and am so busy suppressing it that I miss half the meeting 🙃 But I'm an adult and I don't actually climb the walls most of the time.
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u/marissazam Feb 26 '25
I answer yes. Because my body wants to get up even though my anxiety says nope, no thanks
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u/baethan Feb 26 '25
I hate "racing thoughts". That sounds like a panicky omgomgomg kind of state to me. My thoughts are many and they are moving at a steady clip thank you very much
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u/MerryJanne Feb 26 '25
My thoughts are three ducks in trench coats, going around in circles on a carousel.
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u/sugabeetus Feb 26 '25
"At least no one overreacted." 🤣🤣🤣 I'm stealing this. Could've used it last night. It was my husband's birthday, and we've moved far away from anyone we know, so I planned a nice dinner at a restaurant we've never been to. There was only street parking, which was all full, and we found a place with regular parking but the street looked sketch, so I was nervous about leaving the car, and it was father away from the restaurant than I wanted to walk in unfamiliar shoes, and my dress was too low-cut and my special bra had mysteriously gotten smaller from the last time I wore it (also my scale is broken and says I gained 5 pounds), so every time I looked down I saw too much exposed muffin-top boobs, AND I was starting my period, and I just lost it. I was standing in the street just babbling that I wanted to go home because it wasn't worth the thousand dollars we were going to pay for the car windows getting smashed, and I wasn't even DRESSED, and I hate everything. And I was starting to cry. You know, just normal 40-something woman behavior. My husband was great and said, "Sure, let's go. We can get a steak anywhere." But I calmed myself down and we had a great evening, and the car was fine.
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u/No-Sign2089 Feb 26 '25
It just suits the emotional dysregulation so well. My other favourite is “that escalated quickly” lol. It’s pretty effective with kids (I don’t minimize their feelings, just remind them the intensity will pass).
Honestly…sometimes it feels good to fully feel the emotion in the moment, acknowledge it, then affirm it was dysregulation after it passes.
I’ve also noticed that my sister (also ADHD) and I can alternate when we have BIG FEELINGS, so it’s extra funny to repeat her words back to her when she’s dysregulated. Makes us both laugh.
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u/sugabeetus Feb 26 '25
I think my husband might also have ADHD, and I've noticed the trade-off effect as well. When one is panicking the other gets really calm and reasonable. Thank goodness lol. He also doesn't take the blow-outs personally, and that started way before we knew about my diagnosis. He doesn't like when I get quiet and mad or sad, but if I'm having a big tantrum (not in public) he's usually cheerleading. "Let me have it! What else you got?" Like he knows sometimes I have to let the pressure off. And I'm not being mean, just sort of laughing along at my own frustrations. It's a weird relationship but it works really well.
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u/Ancient-Patient-2075 Feb 26 '25
He doesn't like when I get quiet and mad or sad, but if I'm having a big tantrum (not in public) he's usually cheerleading. "Let me have it! What else you got?" Like he knows sometimes I have to let the pressure off.
Please tell him a stranger on the internet thinks he kicks such ass!
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u/DreamCrusher914 Feb 26 '25
Should be supplemented with, “or do you space out in meetings and by the time you refocus on the meeting you are completely lost and just fake your way through the rest of it?”
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u/Sudden-Expression819 Feb 26 '25
Waiiiitttt I do this. I'm like the only one who gets up to get water/coffee
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u/hamletz Feb 27 '25
This is actually the question that finally made it click for me that I needed to seek a diagnosis.
As a kid, this looked like constantly visiting the nurses office or going to the bathroom even though I didn't need to. As an undiagnosed adult, I'd find myself in the bathroom for no reason, or making up an excuse to grab water or something from my desk when I should have been in a meeting.
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u/Feisty-Cloud-1181 Feb 26 '25
This. Of course I’m bored to death in meetings, and if I’m not the one taking notes I don’t get up but my mind does escape far far away… The other questions that I had an issue with were about school. Because I was gifted so I had no trouble and did everything quickly an easily. Also because I was schooled as a French expat kid: a teacher for three pupils, every course was sent to us from France already written down, we sent our essays back to be graded: not paying attention was rare and even if I did I just had to read the material when I needed to. If something felt easy I could do it in a week instead of three months and if I struggled I had one on one help. My context is special but everyone probably has reasons why some questions are not very relevant. An open discussion seems necessary and not just yes/no questionnaires.
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u/ilovjedi ADHD-PI Feb 26 '25
I don’t get up but I bounce my foot fiddle with my pen, take detailed notes, swivel in my chair, and otherwise fidget and move around without getting out of my seat.
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u/FlorenceinSummer Feb 26 '25
This was totally a valid question for me. I have done this with meetings lasting all morning/ day and there's a refreshments table. I sometimes just, well, can't, any longer and have to get up. Drinks tables make it possible, because half the time they're all "shall we just work on" grrr.
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u/Holy_sheeeet Feb 26 '25
Hard disagree.
Surveys have multiple questions to cover a larger range - it's normal that not all will apply to your ADHD, but those questions could help someone else.
Kinda crazy that your survey was only 10 questions. I had to fill out multiple pages of questions.
In the survey I did, it was part of the hyperactivity section.
It's actually something I do. I had no idea I did it, until someone told me.
Women with ADHD can have these too - it's not only men.
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u/Tia_is_Short ADHD-C Feb 27 '25
I think people take these things a little too literally😅
Do I ever get up in the middle of a meeting and just leave? No lmao, that’s absurd. But when I was in school, I constantly left class to go to the bathroom and sit on my phone for 10 minutes because I just needed a break. I’ve hid in the bathroom to get away from things at pretty much every job I’ve ever worked at. These situations all check off that criteria
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u/Holy_sheeeet Feb 27 '25
"I think people take these things a little too literally😅"
No, I actually did this. I also have the need to move around a lot, but thankfully meds helped it.Not sure why you feel the need to invalidate my & other people's experience.
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u/meimelx ADHD-C Feb 26 '25
I mean, that question is one of the reasons i was recommended by my school to get a disgnosis as a kid because I was always just leaving my seat when I wanted. I get for adults it's probably dumb because by now we've mostly learned when not to get up. It's a solid question when diagnosing children, not so much adults.
For adults, the question should be changed to "do you struggle to sit still?" or "do you find you move around a lot in your chair?"
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u/No-Sign2089 Feb 26 '25
I get it as diagnostic criteria for kids, and I’m sure there’s some adult men for who the question is suitable, but I just think when its been well-researched that women speak less in meetings then men, it follows that we’re not likely to jump up and commandeer a meeting or leave the meeting to go the bathroom; we went before the meeting started lol.
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u/LaViElS Feb 26 '25
Yes! I think this question and a few others don't account for masking and all the ways we contort ourselves and go against our instincts to try to fit in. Maybe I do have an urge to get up during meetings, but I'd never actually do it.
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u/cocopuff333 Feb 26 '25
I fidget with my hands, feet, and brain so no need to get up as long as I’ve got distractions!
I also hate the question about feeling like a battery runs you. I have chronic fatigue so I’m never energized. But my mind is always racing like a radio playing 5 stations at once!
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u/vediii19 ADHD-PI Feb 26 '25
this is definitely my least favorite question. my favorite one is the one where it asks "do you ever feel like you're being driven by a motor and can't stop?" like, I've described myself as this for so long i felt so seen when i saw this question for the first time
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u/SublimeAussie Feb 27 '25
Um... all of them.
I really struggle with these questions because they're presented as absolutes, but life isn't like that. Sure, there are times when I struggle to sit still, but I'd never randomly get out of my seat if it was important to stay seated. Yes, I do sometimes blurt out answers or speak out of turn, but I also know to keep a lid on it when it's important to stay quiet. There are times when I can't focus on long passages of text or to start a task... but then there's times when I'm so absorbed in what I'm reading that I've completed an entire novel in one night, or I've jumped into a task with no forethought or planning so I've ended up cleaning a large portion of the house still wearing my pyjamas.
I have struggles with consistency, but I'm not a socially inept asshole.
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u/universe93 ADHD-PI Feb 27 '25
It really implies that people with ADHD cannot understand social norms, and don’t have the ability to mask their symptoms in order to fit in
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u/nelxnel Feb 27 '25
I petition to change them all!
I mean, really all they need to do is ask us what's the longest we've ever forgotten about a wet load of laundry, and that tells them everything we need to know 😂 oh and "do you immediately lose things 2 seconds after you put them down?" EVERY. DAMN. TIME 😭
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u/No-Sign2089 Feb 27 '25
I almost put my water pitcher in the coat closet the other day.
I also take three different pills in the morning. Tell me why I walked away in the middle of taking them, and forgot to take the third 😭 (which was the dreaded addictive stimulant, lol)
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u/CherryDaBomb Feb 26 '25
Yeah I'm not sure work meetings are comparable to classrooms. I can see it, but it's different.
They need to ask a question about how many heated discussions do you find yourself in per day, since we can have a habit of starting shit just to get some dopamine.
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u/LetMe_OverthinkThis Feb 26 '25
What survey is this?? Why are people having to take these surveys often enough that they know the questions by heart?
Idk if I’m fortunate or uninformed, but I know I’ve been medicated for 18 years without knowing about this survey. Where is this coming into play? I hate this for everyone.
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u/iloveswimminglaps Feb 26 '25
It should be more like have you ever. Because the cost of this mistake is clear and quickly learned.
Or it should be do you find it difficult to remain seated etc.
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u/prettyincoral Feb 26 '25
They have to factor in the coping mechanisms we've developed throughout our lifetime. 'Do you feel the urge to get up at inappropriate times during meetings?' 'Do you feel immense, soul-crushing boredom during dental checkups?' 'Do you feel like watching YouTube videos while watching a drama film?'' 'Do you stay awake until 2 am because sleep is boring?'
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u/OkShallot3873 Feb 26 '25
RIP to the hundreds of torn tissues and paper in my pockets, the pens I have fidgeted to death, the nail polish scratched off during meetings.
Sorry to all the speakers whose work and presentations I zoned out of, lost in a train of thought to keep my mind occupied.
Sorry to myself (and my bladder) for the time spent testing hacks like “balance your feet off the ground” “drink lots of water to stay engaged” “try breathing exercises” “sit near the window”.
This is one of my least favourite questions. Same with in class. My physical body never left my seat but boy did my mind!
Second with the social anxiety, knowing it was wrong to leave, not wanting to be that kid/person.
The test was not designed for girls/women/anyone who doesn’t present as Bart Simpson.
Also anything that has “as if driven by a motor”. We all have motors, that’s how people live and survive. Are the neurotypicals just getting through life with a sea sponge at the wheel?
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u/rosiedoes Feb 26 '25
I don't get up, what if people stare?!
But I do have four different drinks, fiddle with my pen, roll, fold and unroll tissues, side-eye at the second screen with my emails on, adjust my fringe, chew my lip, roll my neck, push up my sleeves, pull down my sleeves, wonder what to make for lunch, look put the window, check other Teams chats...
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u/Weird_Squirrel_8382 Feb 26 '25
I don't even have a job. I hit yes though because I had to go to court and the judge was like "ma'am are you nervous about testifying? We can take five." and I'm like "I'm not nervous I'm bored out of my skull. This could have been an email."
So do I jump around in meetings, no, but I'm so goddamn bored that it's noticeable to others.
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u/toucanbutter Feb 26 '25
Thought the same thing with that question. Like no, obviously not, WHO DOES THAT?! Like does anyone, ADHD or not, just get up in a meeting and walk out?! Of course I WANT TO, just how a lot of the time I want to just scream, but I don't because I do still have control over my motor functions.
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u/PretendOil8923 Feb 26 '25
My personal “favourite” question was “did the teacher sometimes have to call your name multiple times at school before they got your attention?”…. Like… lady…. say that did happen, how the fuck would I know?
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u/fingers Feb 27 '25
"Does your wife just get up and disappear like she just did?" my friend asked my wife.
"Yup. It's just fingers."
The questions are designed to HELP you understand your flavor of ADHD. Just because you answered NO doesn't mean that you don't have ADHD.
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u/Tia_is_Short ADHD-C Feb 27 '25
That is one of 9 criteria listed for hyperactivity. As an adult, you only need to meet 5/9 of those to be diagnosed with combined or hyperactive type.
Just because it doesn’t apply to you, doesn’t mean you don’t have hyperactive ADHD or that it’s a bad diagnostic criteria. I’m a woman and it does apply to me.
There are 18 symptoms listed in the DSM. That is 1 symptom out of 18. It’s not a checklist where the goal is to hit every single one
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u/SuzLouA ADHD Feb 27 '25 edited Feb 27 '25
So much of my assessment was explaining, like, I don’t do these things (standing up in meetings, interrupting, finishing people’s sentences) because I know they’re rude, and I put a lot of my energy into not being a rude person, because I really value manners. The issue is that it takes me a real concerted effort to not do them, like I have to physically tighten my jaw, rather than a “normal” person who doesn’t even think about them.
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u/rippedupmypromdress Feb 27 '25
This question drives me crazy! Like no I don’t, but I shift and fidget a lot while trying to stay focused but my brain keeps wandering. I can’t even tell you how much information I’ve missed over the years due to daydreaming. So no, I don’t get up often physically, but my brain does.
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u/sad_126 Feb 27 '25
Always made me laugh that one. Fidgeting or moving around in the chair yes but literally standing up in the middle of a meeting is WEIRD and EMBARRASSING, I’ve never seen anyone do that 🤣
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u/Outrageous_Zombie945 Feb 27 '25
I think asking how many different things do you have going on in your brain and do you know the actual lyrics to the song that is stuck in your head? Would be a great question to replace it with 🤷🏻♀️
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u/depthprone Feb 27 '25
How about, once you are diagnosed with ADHD (over 10 years ago) and you still have to go to your periodic re-evaluation appointment and they give the same diagnostic questionnaire every time.
I NEVER know if they’re asking me to answer when I’m off the meds or while I’m on meds. I used to change my answers every time and think too much into it, taking 20 minutes or more. But now I just answer the way I know they want me to answer to get through the appointment and on with my life.
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u/roseofjuly Feb 27 '25
I just say yes to that question because even though I don't actually do it (usually), I do want to do it, and the urge is so bad that sometimes I have to focus about 50% of my mental energy on staying in my seat and paying attention rather than actually hearing the content.
It's one of the reasons that these diagnostic questionnaires under diagnose women, because we tend to do the socially acceptable thing even if we're dying inside.
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u/wrong-dr Feb 28 '25
Do I do it in meetings? Absolutely not. But did my parents bribe me with a trip away with my dad to get me to eat my dinner without getting up and wandering around for a week when I was about 7? Definitely!
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u/DaffodilDolphin Feb 28 '25
They should replace it with "Do you often find yourself humming that one verse from Kate Bush's 'Running Up That Hill' at inappropriate times?"
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u/friggin_pippin Feb 28 '25
I also thought that question was ridiculous, because it would be wildly inappropriate to do that in a meeting at my workplace. After being diagnosed however I started to notice just how often I get up from my desk to go to the loo or to make a tea/coffee. Sometimes I get to the loo and I didn’t even need to go, I just needed to get up and move and my brain found a socially acceptable way to do it.
Pretty sure everyone at work probably thinks I have bladder issues or IBS or something by now 🤣
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u/ptrst Feb 26 '25
Get up inappropriately? I would rather shoot myself than get judged like that. I do, however, tap my feet, readjust how I'm sitting, take a drink of water, wiggle my fingers, flex my thighs... But of course, that doesn't count, because it doesn't cause a problem for the people around me.
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u/fionsichord Feb 26 '25
Do you walk as though driven by a motor? WTF. What am I, a robot?!?
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u/Calicat05 Feb 26 '25
What is that even supposed to mean? I mean, yeah, my body does what the chemicals tell it to do, much like a robot operates by doing what the program tells it do do, or the motor does what the electricity or other power source makes it do.
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u/MexicanSnowMexican Feb 26 '25
specifically predicated to hyperactive men
What if I tell you I'm a woman and I do get up in meetings?
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u/Tia_is_Short ADHD-C Feb 27 '25
Then you’re lying because women can’t have hyperactive ADHD obviously. They’re only ever inattentive type and men are only ever hyperactive!!
Obvious sarcasm. It drives me crazy when people act like combined type and hyperactive type women just don’t exist. If you don’t fit the criteria for hyperactivity, then you’re just not hyperactive! That question isn’t for you lmao
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u/MexicanSnowMexican Feb 27 '25
It's so fucking invalidating. The answer to "women are overlooked because they don't often present with stereotypical ADHD symptoms" isn't to pretend it's IMPOSSIBLE for a woman to have them.
I'm 37 years old, I'm AFAB and I identify as a woman, and I can't do meetings, sorry to burst the OP's bubble that this is a "cis make" question.
Yeah it clearly drives me crazy too 😅
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u/Tia_is_Short ADHD-C Feb 27 '25
I agree so much!! I know it’s all well-intentioned, but the whole thing about “women get overlooked because they are mostly inattentive” is honestly so invalidating, like you said.
What about all the combined and hyperactive type women out there that were also overlooked? I was overlooked for so long, and it wasn’t because I was “mostly inattentive.” I spent my whole childhood being labeled as “talkative, disruptive, impulsive, obnoxious, fidgety, and disrespectful,” and I was still overlooked for years.
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u/Ancient-Patient-2075 Feb 27 '25
This!! And people here talk like hyperactivity lands you instantly in the early diagnosis land. No, often it just gets you, as a child, punished, treated like a problem, an eyesore. It results in adults being routinely angry at you. It's so fucking traumatizing.
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u/MexicanSnowMexican Feb 27 '25
Right! Like having hyperactivity as my main symptom didn't get me treatment as a child, it just got people treating me as immature and punishing me for doing gender incorrectly
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u/PearSufficient4554 Feb 27 '25
I work with a lot of people with adhd and I’ve never had anyone get up in a meeting… if anything it’s the neurotypical folks who don’t appear to agonize over things like getting up and going to the bathroom.
We adhd folks sit there and secretly turn our hands into pretzels under the table while digging our finger nails into our skin and subtly flicking our toes like the repressed queens we are 😎
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u/Altostratus Feb 26 '25
Does every fibre of my being want to get up in a meeting? Absolutely. Do I stop myself because of the social and professional implications? Absolutely.
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u/DungeonsandDoofuses Feb 26 '25
I have never, in fifteen years of corporate work, worked with ANYONE who gets up in the middle of a meeting without a good excuse like taking an important phone call or having someone show up at the door looking for them. Absolutely no one who does it with any sort of regularity. There’s fidgeting and then there is that, it would be considered wildly disruptive and inappropriate in a corporate setting. Have I longed to get up? Fantasized about? Wanted it so badly my legs ached? Been utterly distracted from the meeting because I need to move so badly? Yes absolutely. Have I acted on it? Never. I rock in my chair, I use a fidget, I doodle, I bounce my leg, I cross and uncross my legs 600x, but standing up for no reason is a bridge too far.
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u/BoxFullOfSuggestions Feb 27 '25
I feel like that question is 100% about little boys. I have a little boy with ADHD who cannot keep his butt in a chair. I don’t know why they think it’s something adults with ADHD who have had more life experience regularly do.
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u/Spiritual-Cupcake265 Feb 27 '25
It’s actually such a patronising question too. By the time you’re an adult, you’ve got enough awareness to know that you need to stay seating at certain times.
Now I get irritable when I have to be sat for meetings/ keep my focus. My mind is reeling to do something else. At work I get up from my desk a million times a day. But if I’m in a meeting I’m very well aware that, despite how I feel, I have to stay sat and present as ‘normal’
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u/never-rise-with-Dawn Feb 27 '25
I think it definitely needs to go, but it also calls for more specialists in inattentive/socialised as women ADHD. My diagnosing clin psych was amazing - she asked me about moving a lot as a kid, and then when it came to this question as an adult, she reframed it to be about thinking/wishing to get up, or mental restlessness, or fidgeting as a distraction. She also let me rephrase questions (especially this and similar ones) into how I interpreted it, and I got to see that reflected in her notes
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u/Ginkachuuuuu Feb 26 '25
I can't even fathom getting up in a work meeting. I would rather die. I'll fidget with a pen and shift positions a thousand times but I'm quiet as death and ass in seat.
I generally like the CAARS but one question annoyed me, "Many things set me off easily." I read this along the lines of emotional sensitivity and answered pretty high. But when I was doing my own scoring later based on pictures I took I found they pair that question against "I have a short fuse/hot temper" to gage answer reliability so they actually meant set off only in anger. It takes a LOT to actually make me angry but I can cry or be swallowed up by anxiety in and instant. So I feel like the wording on that could be a lot better.
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u/PsychologicalPeak744 Feb 26 '25
Is it an American survey? Never seen or heard that before.
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