r/adhdwomen • u/meimelx ADHD-C • 8d ago
Rant/Vent "I have ADHD and I get through life just fine"
fucking good for you I guess???
and btw, before you ask, yes, this was a man.
I have screen shots, not sure if I can post them, though.
there was this tiktok where this girl decided to clean her pantry floor after procrastinating a year and she was like "and how long did that take me? 27 minutes "
and someone commented on how this was a good example of executive dysfunction. and this dude comes in all "not everything needs a term" and people explained that it's a medically used term and he proceeds to go on about how it's just an excuse for people's laziness so they can feel better about it and that he has ADHD and he gets through life just fine.
I'm ranting but idek what to say. like I guess he's the end all be all right? Adam over here doesn't know what executive dysfunction is SO IT MUST NOT BE REAL!!!
honestly fuck this guy. I hope every dog growls at him and cat hisses at him. and I hope his food always tastes just a little off for the rest of his life.
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u/campbowie ADHD 8d ago
How much do you want to bet mommy does everything for him?
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u/cheerful_cynic 8d ago
Reminds me of when I learned that Walden Pond wasn't some ultra primitive rural retreat, but a cabin 1.5 miles from home where Mommy came by with food & to clean every few days so Thoreau could write uninterrupted
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u/Prudent-Document-476 8d ago
Well, I guess deliberately avoiding responsibilities is still living deliberately, after a fashion...
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u/TheSpeakEasyGarden 8d ago
For a guy who claimed he was a hermit, he had a hopping social life.
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u/oudsword 8d ago
“I received no accommodations and did just fine!” Meanwhile daddy provided a perfect model and representation of providing no household labor or mental load, mom takes care of everything, teachers provide wiggle breaks and extensions with no 504 or IEP, friends and romantic partners expect no consideration or emotional support, employers view symptoms as unique leadership skills………..
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u/dktllama 8d ago
But if he was a girl/woman he’d be lazy/overly emotional/stupid/always chatting/daydreaming etc and be forced to push all these behaviours down 💃
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u/oudsword 8d ago
All while using 99% of her brain power trying to mask and please people, then burn out during prime adult years. NT girls and women can’t even meet the insane social expectations placed on us—we have no chance.
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u/spotless___mind 8d ago
Yeah I mean....the world was made to work for men, especially white men, so.....
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u/ProperBingtownLady 8d ago
ABSOLUTELY. Or his girlfriend/wife if he managed to find someone who tolerates him lol.
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u/ExpensiveAffect1727 7d ago
Or that he was misdiagnosed as a kid because he's a boy and so many of them keep telling me "oh im ADHD too", but they somehow get by just fine and have never needed therapy or medication, and pretty much have never been actually affected aside from having a lot of energy (as kids usually do) which is why they were diagnosed in the first place lol bffr!!
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u/jbarneswilson 8d ago
may his socks always be damp
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u/AspiringChildProdigy 8d ago
And his pillow always be warm.
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u/sadcrocodile 8d ago
Nevermind the pillow, may their entire damm bed always be just a little too warm so as to be uncomfortable. And may their home appliances always be troublesome lemons!
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u/ilovjedi ADHD-PI 8d ago
What’s wrong with warm pillows? That would be nice for half the year where I live.
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u/dktllama 8d ago
And his jokes never land
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u/Raukstar 8d ago
And his socks slide down ever so slightly in his shoes.
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u/dktllama 8d ago
Not ever so slightly. They go right into his shoes right down to his toes
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u/Raukstar 8d ago
I was thinking not so much that it makes him fix it. Just enough to be a constant source of mild irritation.
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u/dktllama 8d ago
Maybe we can have both? He has to constantly fix it because it keeps happening 😂
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u/Dandelient 8d ago
Each sock can do either when it would be most irritating. And may he never get a good parking spot ever again.
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u/spooky_upstairs 8d ago
I mean I think that's already a given. Can we just... not give him ADHD? Like, take it away from him?
He doesn't deserve ADHD. He has something else.
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u/Tuesday_Patience 8d ago
I think that's probably already true based on the crap he was spewing. I'm sure he's an absolute delight in person lol.
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u/AmbitiousFactor715 8d ago
and may he always have a hair in his mouth that he can't find.
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u/justagyrl022 8d ago
Or in his eyelash
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u/jbarneswilson 8d ago
why not both?
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u/Frosty-Ear5469 8d ago
A cat hair, like a really fine one. They get stuck in your taste buds and are impossible to grab.
Oh! And one in his eye too! I don't have eyelashes and I constantly have fine cat hair in my eyes. I hate it. 🫤
Edit: needed to be more petty!
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u/justagyrl022 8d ago
May his tags always be scratchy and even if he cuts them off there's that one little corner that's still there and he has to constantly walk the tightrope of cutting further to get rid of it and potentially putting a hole in another item of clothing or leave it and be randomly poked all day. (If this seems oddly specific it is. My shirt and I are having a day)
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u/Free-oppossums 8d ago
Whoever thought it would be a good idea to sew tags into the side seams of shirts, just above the waist line, needs to be beaten with a wet sock.
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u/Frosty-Ear5469 8d ago
FWIW, I will get in there with a seam ripper and use it delicately to remove the tag remnants. I hate that strip that gets left behind.
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u/gelladar 8d ago
My sister taught me that one after I was going to lose it from the 75 ply tag that Victoria Secret thought was a great idea to have on the side of a bra.
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u/justagyrl022 8d ago
Bless you for this information!!!
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u/Frosty-Ear5469 8d ago
You're welcome! I hate cutting the tag out of lacy things and leaving that glaring white strip behind.
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u/vpblackheart ADHD-C 8d ago
And may his shoes always be a little too tight, so they rub the back of his heel, make a blister on his pinky toe, and cause ingrown toenails.
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u/Important_Key_7220 8d ago
I felt this deep. You won the internet for me this week. I’m also saving this to put in one of the many journals that I own but never use that I will now title “Curses for the Assholes”. Can’t wait to tell my therapist that I’m now journaling. 😏
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u/katiej444 8d ago
“…Can’t wait to tell my therapist that I’m now journaling.” This….made me laugh so damn hard.😂👏
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u/youcancallmebryn 8d ago
And his tires constantly lose pressure
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u/jorwyn 8d ago
This can be accomplished with a bb glued inside the cap. Please don't ask me how I know.
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u/Frosty-Ear5469 8d ago
Would you ahem also not recommend using super glue or would something else work better...? Erm, this is something you may have heard in passing. 🤪
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u/jorwyn 7d ago
Pretty much any glue would work, I would think. Super glue would work great if you used airsoft pellets, since they're plastic. Epoxy is best for metal to plastic, but that requires advanced prep. I would never in my life have carried a pocket full of caps already prepared to swap out no matter how tempting vehicles parked in bike lanes and on sidewalks have been.
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u/queenjungles 8d ago
May his wifi be weak and always dropping, despite replacing the router. May he never have phone signal inside.
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8d ago
Reminds me of people who say “I have depression and I can shower just fine, those people are just gross”. Like, let’s have some empathy y’all.
Also it’s funny, “not everything needs a term”. Okay well you can keep floundering about refusing to use words to describe things and the rest of us will have real conversations I guess.
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u/Sad-Cat8694 8d ago
OMG yes. Real "ostrich head in the sand" levels of "it'll go away if I just avoid acknowledging it" response.
The thing that irks me about people like this who have made it into adulthood is that the reason they've made it this far is because people have been accommodating and propping them up. It's like people who say "I came from nothing and worked hard, you're just lazy!" But they had food and housing security, college education, and their car/tuition/rent was almost always subsidized by family or partners they dragged under in order to stand on their shoulders. Same for "my parents didn't hand everything to me", yet they had their "modest starter home" down payment gifted to them in an economy where owning any home at all is a fantasy for many.
Or they suffered, were miserable, and instead of saying "I'm so glad for the progress in our culture that means future generations won't have to suffer like I did", they're mad that everyone else isn't forced to struggle too. The whole "it's all in your head" crowd is so close to the point that yes, it IS in my head. There are differences in how my brain processes and responds to things, and I am working with the reality of that.
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u/Entire-Ambition1410 8d ago
I once joked to my doctor, “so it’s all in my head?” She very carefully stated that “this latest test didn’t find other underlying conditions to complicate treatment.”
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u/eat-the-cookiez 8d ago
People have difficulty putting themselves in someone else’s shoes. I though it was only ASD people who apparently have no theory of mind but it seems neurotypicals can’t understand something if they haven’t experienced it.
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u/Invisible-gecko 8d ago
It’s not that they can’t or don’t have theory of mind in the same way as in ASD, it’s that they refuse to, or they lack practice to the point where they practically can’t.
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u/toucanbutter 8d ago
Ugh, or those who say "I never have any issues when I'm on my period, you just need to harden up." Yeah cool, it's almost like we're all DIFFERENT and your experiences aren't universal!
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u/Fantastic_Owl6938 8d ago
The people who don't think everything needs a term have no empathy for those who have struggled for years and found relief finally having a name for something that has impacted their whole life. Then again, some of them are probably impacted too, but not naming the thing makes it go away, apparently.
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u/SomePerson80 8d ago
I hope both sides of his pillow are hot
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u/meimelx ADHD-C 8d ago
a truly horrible fate for a truly horrible person
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u/Entire-Ambition1410 8d ago
Remind me to never piss off Redditors, lol. You should see some of the curses the crafting subs invent.
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u/Thequiet01 8d ago
Yeah, how much support does he have that he’s discounting? What things is he not doing to make it possible to do the things he does?
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u/jbarneswilson 8d ago
his mom or wife or gf are absolutely carrying the mental load for this guy
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u/Dandelient 8d ago
I think that's the reason some people (men) supposedly grow out of ADHD. They offload it to their partners and everything is just fine in their magical world.
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u/oudsword 8d ago
By “just fine” they often mean they are a middle class male who manages to be gainfully employed, or some similar equivalent. The bar for men is basically to just have a job and go to it—that’s why they expect a parade for vacuuming on the weekend.
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u/sunspace10 8d ago
This made me chuckle for how true it is now that I think about it. Frustrates me to no end when men expect women to hold outside jobs and do the domestic work as well while they work a job and mow the lawn on the weekends and think it's equal.
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u/oudsword 8d ago
Exactly, the majority of the work force is WOMEN and absolutely NONE of them think working full time excuses them from domestic or childcare labor.
And if they have a child and she does end up quitting her career (because she’s already paid less for the same work, and it’s almost impossible to carry a pregnancy to term, recover from birth, and care for a baby while working full time, especially in the only developed country on Earth with 0 paid parental leave) so they can have a stay at home parent, full time childcare is suddenly not a full time job, and he doesn’t need to “help” before work, after work, or on weekends.
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u/sunspace10 8d ago
Adding childcare to that equation is just huge. I once tried to explain this all to a male, it did not go into his head. Most men cannot fathom the nuances and extra load, they think it's fine and not too much or it can't be that bad since everyone has been doing it like that for centuries and it was fine. I just remove myself from the situation now when I encounter people like this. Keep quiet and move on because if I start explaining, it end up getting frustrated - most men don't want to listen/understand.
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u/Pineapple_and_olives 8d ago
Oh yeah. I was able to kinda bumble along okay when I was just responsible for myself and shared duties with my husband for the house and pets. Now that I’m a mom (kiddo is almost 3) it’s so hard. Like so, so hard. At least if you give a shit and care about trying to do a good job at caring for your kid. There’s just CONSTANT mental load.
You gotta keep track of what they’re eating, peeing, pooping, sleeping, wearing. Are those clothes clean? Is that jacket too small? Should I buy sandals in his current size or the next one up? Which preschool should he go to? Do they have openings? How much does it cost? Have we been doing too much screen time? When is the deadline for swim lesson signups? Are our library books overdue? Geeze, I need to trim his toenails again. Where did the paintbrushes go? Stop chasing the cat! What should I make for dinner? Why is there a hot wheels car in the fridge? Did I leave a milk cup in my car yesterday? And so on and so forth. It. Never. Ends.
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u/Fantastic_Owl6938 8d ago
The amount of posts I've seen on Reddit from women with ADHD struggling to do all the housework on top of having a job while their partner just goes to work is unreal. They'll usually mention stuff like needing to remember all the birthdays too, even for his family. That's shitty enough to expect from a NT woman, but it always feels especially gross when it's a woman with ADHD struggling with executive dysfunction. The other thing I see a lot of is men denying this is commonplace.
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u/SeeStephSay ADHD-PI 8d ago
Most men outsource their executive functioning to a woman and never worry about it again until she leaves him “out of the blue,” and his life falls apart.
That’s why Adam over here gets along just fine. Weaponized incompetence.
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u/SuperStrangeOdd 8d ago
Omg thank you for explaining this well BECAUSE THIS IS IT, IT'S WHAT I WITNESS AND EXPERIENCE 🫠🫠🫠
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u/oudsword 8d ago
This is why patriarchy works so hard to keep women dependent on men. Hard to leave if two incomes can barely afford a home, groceries, and childcare, let alone one.
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u/diversalarums 8d ago
I worked for decades with grown men of all ages with ADHD who had wives and secretaries. They had everything done for them, their calendars were kept by women who told them where they needed to be and when, and all the things they needed for work and for social life were organized by the women. Of course they were getting thru life just fine.
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u/oudsword 8d ago
Exactly, it’s even the culture of being a “successful creative” that your underlings are taking care of the “little details” that actually run your life. They have turned this utter incompetence on its head and devalued the work to make it seem like women’s labor is low level and inconsequential and their inability to do it is actually a marker of their own importance and higher level thinking. The hypocrisy and projection is unreal.
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u/LokiLadyBlue 8d ago
Yeah the reason is he's a MAN. The world has adjusted to male ADHD, it has not to female ADHD.
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u/thetallgrl 8d ago
Came here to say exactly that. It’s generally easier for men with ADHD because there are less expectations of them in the first place. 😑
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u/hiddenvalleyoflife 8d ago
It's that he's got people to pick up the slack. "Male ADHD" doesn't really exist as a definite thing, but so many cishet men outsource most of their executive functioning.
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u/BelleMakaiHawaii 8d ago edited 8d ago
ADHD is like a hugely varied buffet of symptoms, and crazy uncle Joe is filling your plate for you
No two of us are exactly alike, and dude needs to get over himself
Edit: Crazy Uncle Joe is a real person 😂😂😂
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u/TrumpsCovidfefe 8d ago
For real, I was thinking 27 minutes would actually be an amazing use of time for me. It would probably take me days and my pantry isn’t that big. I need to see a doctor….
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u/Dry-Cat7114 8d ago
I hope his sleeves always slip down whenever he washes his hands
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u/i_am_not_a_cool_girl 8d ago
My new job is kicking my ass. They are catching on on my deficiencies and I'm surrounded by neurotypical people... even though they are impressed by my skills. They are thinking I don't apply myself enough and am careless... luckily my boyfriend is AMAZING. It makes me feel not so worthless.
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u/justagyrl022 8d ago
Just reading the I don't apply myself part made me angry. I hate them!!
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u/i_am_not_a_cool_girl 8d ago
When I do 2x what anyone is able to do, they only see the little things that pass through the cracks... I might get self employed again very soon lol but then I lose the structure I really need 🫠 what to do !!
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u/AffectionateMarch394 8d ago
May this man step on Lego everytime he gets up in the middle of the night to pee
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u/rejectedbyReddit666 8d ago
I hope he gets the shits in a 100 mile long traffic jam.
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u/justagyrl022 8d ago
The kind that start as stomach cramps then turn into farts that make you roll your windows down even though you're the only one in the car, then into- if I don't get to the bathroom this very second I'm going to shit myself! Those kind of shits specifically.
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u/Prudent-Document-476 8d ago
That is absolutely wicked! I love it. Had a very good cackle at this one.
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u/peach1313 8d ago
Unfortunately, having a disability doesn't automatically make you not be abelist. It's always the most painful when the call is coming from inside the house. And let's not even get started on the patriarchy...
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u/rakottkelkaposzta 8d ago
At the end of the day men are overdiagnosed because they can’t behave at school.
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u/oudsword 8d ago
No no don’t you know: little boys like to run, play, rough house, and be loud, and little girls naturally like to sit quietly and help clean the classroom!
It’s so natural—that’s why you never hear about women complaining we have too many household chores. It is just so natural and easy for us!!
/s
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u/SuperStrangeOdd 8d ago
Yeah, fuck Adam 🙄 I'm sick of anyone diminishing and dissmissing SCIENCE. Not US but SCIENCE.
So Adam can get my big ole middle finger held strong in his direction and may be stub his fat toe CONSTANTLY for the rest of his ignorant life.
Fucking tool.
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u/llreddit-accountll 8d ago
Ik it's probably ableist in its own way, but I always want to reply to things like that with, "Oh, you must have really mild adhd then. I'm happy you got lucky with that."
I rarely ever support trivializing someone else's disability, but he's already doing it. And he should be forced to realize that.
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u/oudsword 8d ago
I mean by definition a disability is disabling. So if someone is “just fine” they either have accommodations they should be aware of and acknowledge or are misdiagnosed.
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u/llreddit-accountll 8d ago
Yep. That or they're actually not doing as well as they say they are and are trying to get big boy points by putting others down and acting like they have it soooo under control. Don't give him big boy points.
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u/cocobodraw 8d ago
How much do we want to bet he gets through life ‘just fine’ because someone else in his life is picking up the slack in ways he doesn’t think about. Ik it’s not even really the point and it’s not good to assume, but I had to get it it out my system 💔
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u/minuteye 8d ago
What do you want to bet Adam "gets through life fine" by offloading a shitton of executive functioning onto the women around him. Not being able to remember to buy toilet paper has zero impact on your life when someone else makes the grocery list.
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u/Haiku-On-My-Tatas 8d ago
Guarantee there is at least one woman holding his life together for him and he doesn't even realize it because it's just normal to him.
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u/mastifftimetraveler 8d ago
I hate this so much. Having flashbacks to when people called me abrasive but loved the coworker who recruited me because I was 10x better than him at our old job together.
Dude had the audacity to call me after I got fired to be like, “…sorry.”
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u/PearSufficient4554 8d ago
God, I swear so many people have like internalized self loathing about having ADHD and it makes them devoid of empathy…. avoid the parenting subs if you don’t want to see this being transferred intergenerationally…
Good lord, the number of people with limited responsibilities who are like “this wouldn’t be a problem if you just set an alarm” or really basic advice that would work if you didn’t have a billion other things that need to be handled or interrupting you.
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u/Boopsie-Daisy-469 8d ago
“No, buddy, you don’t. Ask the people around you. You’re welcome and good luck.”
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u/Un_controllably 8d ago
I WISH executive dysfunction was just laziness, that way I wouldn't feel like a pathetic mess for feeling paralyzed and overwhelmed over doing the most basic tasks
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u/AppropriateSolid9124 8d ago
this man lives with his mother or a woman who does all of the actual work for him probably. or he’s lying. i hope someone pees in every drink he consumes
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u/Aiyokusama 8d ago
"just fine" REALLY needs to be defined. For a long time I thought I did. Spoiler, I absolutely didn't, but I had nothing to measure against.
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u/Whydotheydothisthrow 7d ago
This is a really good point. ADHD is so strongly genetic that it’s likely, if he has ADHD, that he was raised by at least one parent with ADHD. Meaning his standards are likely out of whack.
Growing up, my parents made a big show of how clean and superior we were and how nice our house was, but they’re both untreated neurodivergent and have no fucking clue. It’s not like the house was filthy or anything, but you’d think with how they talk about themselves, their home could be in a magazine and nothing could be further from the truth 💀
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u/Ok-Sundae-108 8d ago
I hope his sheets are always slightly damp and there is no decernable reason.
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u/Sheslikeamom 8d ago
Immediately thought of that Christian Bale meme
Oh! Good for you! clapclapclap
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u/Normal-Serve9919 8d ago
These adhd men who are just fine are missing a major adhd strength. ….. empathy.
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u/chunkeymunkeyandrunt 8d ago
I loved that video!! It really was a great example of executive dysfunction.
I also had to laugh to myself because as I was watching her clean I was like ‘wow that was definitely at least two hours!’ before she announced it was 27 minutes so honestly no wonder we put these things off 😭
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u/meimelx ADHD-C 8d ago
bro no seriously I was like, "at least an hour," and then she said 27 mins, and I was just like, "goddammit mel"
I guess my mom was right. you really can get a lot done in half n hour... guess i gotta apologize to her for all my teenage outbursts about my room taking too long to clean.
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u/snippyorca 8d ago
People can say they are whatever they want on the internet and honestly, anybody who says, “I have ADHD and I get through life just fine,” is either lying about having it, lying about getting through life just fine or has someone cleaning up behind them.
And, okay. Maybe not! But this dude sound like he fits that description.
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u/choosingmyself2020 8d ago edited 8d ago
i understand people with adhd have a heightened justice sensitivity so something i had to unlearn was fighting people online, whether i’m actually commenting or fighting them mentally. i understand your frustrations and he is definitely in the wrong, but you’d reclaim a lot of mental space if you learned to let these things go (unless they’re life-threatening them by all means, defend yourself)
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u/EmzWhite 8d ago
May he only ever be able to find one ply toilet paper!! And when he wipes his butt may his finger consistently rip through it 😒
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u/chubbiichan 8d ago
I always have to remind people that we all have different symptoms and there are levels to adhd. My doctor has me in the moderate area but only because I have developed so many strategies and I'm medicated. Many people, mostly women, adapt and develop strategies young and don't even know that they have adhd until a significant life change is introduced (ex: children). That's why these types exist - they have developed great strategiest and likely have other factors like a great support system/ mild symptoms. Good for them but I always side-eye anyone who uses their one experience to define any experience in life.
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u/justagyrl022 8d ago
And the sad part is many of us are working so hard at masking and adulting that we have little energy left for other things and our lives start atrophying more and more and more.
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u/chubbiichan 8d ago
This. After kids I didn't have energy for myself or my friendships and I became so isolated just trying to make sure my kids lives were somewhat managed. Just hanging on by a thread. I've heard the menopause years are great for us too. Yay /s
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u/EmzWhite 8d ago
If he doesn’t understand executive dysfunction then he is very clearly a person who doesn’t have ADHD or has the most mild case in the world!? 🤦🏻♀️
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u/willow_star86 8d ago
Pretty sure Adam doesn’t know what executive dysfunction is because he has at least one woman functioning for him as well.
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u/GenXMillenial 8d ago
I “survived” and some would say thrived based on several things in my life diagnosed only weeks ago, getting medication has been F-Ing life changing. Like a huge weight off my shoulders. If I had had this as a teen or even twenty something, I maybe wouldn’t be in so much debt and maybe I would have kept some of my friends.
What an a$$ that guy is.
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u/justagyrl022 8d ago
Ooof so rough. I hope you're giving yourself some grace and taking it a little at a time. Those early days after diagnosis can be filled with some very real grief. Sending hugs where we don't actually touch but know it's there lol.
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u/Mental_Guava22 8d ago
May his coffee always be slightly too cold and may he have an itch that keeps moving so he can never reach to scratch it.
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u/mrsclause2 ADHD 8d ago
I'm curious about how old he is. Also, does he still live with his parents. Also also, are mom and dad financially comfortable.
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u/Temporary_Suspect101 8d ago
I wonder if he was one of those "energetic" children and they just slapped the label on him. I mean, it does present differently in different people, but seriously, if you don't at least empathize with the struggle, are you REALLY diagnosed with it? Hmmm
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u/bonepyre 8d ago
Yeah misdiagnosis of hyperactive young boys as ADHD without broader or more long lasting executive functioning deficits is a thing. Back in my home country there's a region where something in the realm of 20% of boys under 15 have been diagnosed, when the stable average rate of ADHD in most populations is like 4-5%. Which I really hate, because it lends an air of legitimacy to overdiagnosis arguments aiming to reduce access to treatment, and underdiagnosed and overlooked people are the ones who suffer the most from that.
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u/DogsDucks 8d ago
Oh no, that guy doesn’t understand how human language works!
Yes, literally everything does need a “term” that’s how we speak to each other, that’s how we learn, that’s how we grow and that is the foundation of humanity.
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u/foralarke 8d ago
Oh my god, I saw that video and that reply. I think I sprained an eye from how hard I rolled them.
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u/Even_Raccoon_376 8d ago
I would love to hear confirmation of that from the women in his life. Would be curious if he manages things himself or leaves it to others.
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u/Svefnugr_Fugl 8d ago
I hate people like that, I doubt he has ADHD or his mum got him diagnosed as a kid for benefits as he was "hyper" (I know previous nightmare neighbours mentioning doing this)
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u/VariegatedMonstera1 8d ago
I came across someone like this on Reddit and I was really shocked.
Someone posted about their long term issues and as I could have written the post myself I commented saying perhaps they could be struggling with undiagnosed neurodivergence.
A guy replied to me saying he has ADHD and it has no effect on motivation or working and people shouldn't say that as it paints ADHD in a bad light.
It's so much worse when someone who's supposed to understand the condition dismisses your struggles.
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u/xparadiselost 7d ago
He probably was diagnosed and put on meds when he was five when most of us out here being undiagnosed into out 20s, 30s, 40s & longer. 🙄
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u/CoffeeTeaPeonies 8d ago
Dude is 1 moment away from Karma visiting him. A minor concussion, adverse reaction to a viral/bacterial infection, car wreck - any of these things (& so much more) can decimate his coping mechanisms around his ADHD.
Basically inviting Karma in.
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u/10Kfireants 8d ago
Lolllllll you could have written this post about my mom. She was never diagnosed but knew she gave both my brother and I adhd because she was a "wild child" of the 1970s. But she doesn't need meds!
Plot twist! She does not get through life just fine. Her friends get annoyed at her compulsive jokes and remarks she makes without considering others. Her and dad's house has shit everywhere. Her stories go on forever and she won't stop when you tell her she's told you this story 1,000 times before. She "just needs 5 minutes" after work which is all evening. But good that my brother and I are medicating and trying to be better in our own lives just so she can make absolutely 0 progress since she's doing just great!!
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u/Ok_Needleworker_9537 8d ago
Ughhhhh it's so obnoxious when people throw in your face how well they are doing. I hate those people. Yes, if that's you and you feel the need to one up me, I legitimately hate you.
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u/StardustInc 8d ago
Kk so I was diagnosed late. I have a friend who is a white man who is probably undiagnosed (idk if it’s autism, ADHD or both. His close relatives have both so the genetics are there. Anyhow I’m not trying to be an armchair psychiatrist and I know I’m not qualified to diagnose him. It’d just make sense if he was neurodivergent for a variety of reasons).
Anyhow the thing is I’ve always gotten way more criticism than he has for displaying symptoms of executive dysfunction. His place is a mess no one really comments. Meanwhile I received so much commentary on being messy I literally struggle to go to bed if my dishes aren’t done. I’m expected to do way more complicated emotional labour then he is and I’m criticised when I fall short. And so on.
This is not my friend’s fault. For the sake of this comparison I guess it kinda doesn’t matter if he’s neurotypical or neurodivergent. I already knew the standards were different for women before we became friends. It’s just that observing this has really driven home for me how much societal gender expectations impact managing my ADHD. Like I know there are men whose adhd is severe and it impacts their life. But that dude commenting online has A) probably never be treated like he is solely responsible for the state of a pantry B) may not even have a tidy pantry
And most importantly he is so used to centring himself and his experiences he’s not even acknowledging that ADHD is a spectrum which impacts everyone differently. Something that is hard for me may be easy for you and vice versa. Someone doing a hard thing is a victory! Regardless of whether I struggle with executive dysfunction in the same way as them. I hope that lady got plenty of supportive comments and is enjoying her organised pantry.
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u/Jaesha_MSF 8d ago
OP, I completely feel your frustration, and your rant is absolutely justified. I just saw a post where someone with autism was describing how difficult it was to get to a train station in an unfamiliar city with a dead phone. Another person replied saying they also have autism and can navigate their city just fine and the OP shouldn’t have had so much difficulty.
It really irritated me that someone with autism would compare their experience to someone else’s, as if there aren’t different spectrums and varying degrees to autism, ADHD, or neurodivergence in general. They showed the OP very little grace, which I found frustrating and said as much.
My doctor upon diagnosis told me I have high-functioning ADHD. I honestly do not know what that is. Maybe, he considered that because at that time I had been on my job for 10 plus years and most people wouldn’t readily notice that I have ADHD, but I genuinely struggle with things like cleaning, decluttering, and organizing. I also have a hard time with time blindness, time management, motivation, and task prioritization, among other things. I would never compare my experience to someone else’s in a way that minimizes what they are dealing with. That is what this person did to you.
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u/Efficient-pea777 8d ago
I’m newly diagnosed with ADHD, even though my whole entire family has been hundred percent sure that I’ve had it my whole life. They told me it was harder getting diagnosed as a female child?
Anyway, now that I have the official diagnosis, I’m really annoyed when people undermine the diagnosis or say that everybody has it. Especially men — I 100% agree with you. It honestly makes me even think if they have ADHD at all.
My son was also diagnosed with ADHD last year, September.
I’m so happy I found this group and you’re the first post that I saw and it was 100% relatable.
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u/tracebean ADHD-C 8d ago
I hope he gets stuck at all the red lights for the rest of his life. But that shouldn’t bother his ADHD, right? As he probably has no issues with waiting?
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u/Vahva_Tahto AuDHD 8d ago
'oh yeah I just raw dog it man, I was a zombie on meds, I like being creative'
'How can you consistently show up tho, like go to work etc'
'I don't, I'm unemployed/my own boss'
'okay, what about everything else in life'
'oh my partner does that. she takes on the mental load for everything else, cooks, cleans the house, never forgets groceries or doctor's appointments, takes care of pets/kids and sorts pet/childcare when we go away, AND has a full time job on top of all that. She is also ADHD but on meds, and she is a complete vegetable when she is not doing any of these things. See? told you meds are bad'
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u/samthedeity 8d ago
My father said the same thing when I was diagnosed with ‘severe adhd’ at 17. He claimed he could spin a pen or flick an elastic hair tie to focus during class and therefore I could do the same thing. I was and am living in a hoarding situation and I’ve struggled through school and life so far because of his rhetoric.
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u/sickbubble-gum 8d ago
I just want to point out that we can become addicted to these little fights in the comments. Tiktok is the absolute worst for morons pretending to be experts.
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u/meimelx ADHD-C 8d ago
oh lol I didn't fight him. I also rarely use that app. but I'm hungry and therefore I am angry and I had to let someone know, lmao.
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u/sickbubble-gum 8d ago
I get that. I just meant even reading the fights and getting emotionally involved. It was a serious problem for me until my psychologist pointed out that I was using it for dopamine. Now get some food! :P
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u/beebubeebi 8d ago
Your rant is justified! I hate adults dismissing other people’s struggles or existence, especially with the argument “I am X and I’m (or I’m not) Y”.
All though I must admit I used to be very strict to others and think a little bit similar things. Not because I was just fine or did not struggle, but because I accidentally figured out being horribly mean and strict to myself and being constantly anxious about everything and punishing myself when I failed helped me get things somewhat done. Something about the anxiety kind of short circuited the executive dysfunction.
I thought that is what people are supposed to make themselves feel like and was frustrated when someone said they can’t start something, thinking “yes yes it’s hard but you are supposed to hate yourself and punish yourself until you’re at the point anything is better than not doing the thing you need done”.
In my defense I was a very overwhelmed teenager and I don’t think I ever said it to anyone. Now I no longer think like that of course. What I was doing played a big part on my mental health collapsing as a young adult, it was not healthy and no one should do that to themselves.
Executive dysfunction is real and we do struggle with it. Some more, some less. I have been struggling a lot since I was (luckily) forced to stop using the self hate and constant anxiety. Things are getting slowly a little better though. Executive dysfunction doesn’t mean we can never get better at starting tasks, there are other, healthier things that help with going around the executive dysfunction. Routines are actually really really helpful and so is finding external motivations and using those to start tasks. They don’t take away the executive dysfunction, but they make surviving life a little less hard.
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u/MyFiteSong 8d ago
and btw, before you ask, yes, this was a man.
A man who uses his wife or mom as his executive function.
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u/Different-Speed-1508 ADHD 8d ago
i hope he steps into wet slippers with dry socks when he least expects it. men experience life differently than us, ADHD is no exception. im willing to bet he has a woman helping him out.
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u/Unidentifiedten 8d ago
I am sick of hearing shit like that. That YOUR experience person who is saying that. I am not you, I don't have your particular ADHD traits nor do I have anything else that you have experienced. It's as though if our experience isn't identical, it's invalid.
I got told at work 10 months after my dx "there's other people in the team who have ADHD that don't require x" in response to my commenting that I struggled with something.
At the time I was finding my feet as my Psychiatrist and I were focusing more on my depression (a mistake). I also was not on stimulants but it turns out I needed to be. The other people in my team all had their dx for at least a decade longer than I had, AND some were half my age! Not to mention I spoke to each of them individually about their journeys and learnt that they'd benefited greatly from intervention/accommodations historically.
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u/Electronic-Task-7421 8d ago
Mmm I’m not sexist but based on his answer he’s likely a guy with adhd who has a woman doing these tasks for him 😂
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