Is this why I’m somewhat stable?

[u/AsleepYellow3]

So I still live with my parents because I can’t afford to live comfortably in my own country. I feel like my life is somewhat structured because I do a lot of things because I’m in my parent’s house. But I can’t help but think I would be on the right side of I could live by my own means.

[u/L-u-n-e]

See, I worry about this. I've always wanted to live on my own, but I wonder if my life would be a chaotic mess? I live with parents too and do a lot for them, cooking/cleaning/fixing stuff. Would I not bother if I lived by myself? Who knows, but I simply can't afford to move out anyway

[u/kitkatcaboodle → u/L-u-n-e]

Living alone was pretty great for me - it was kind of a chaotic mess, but it was my chaotic mess, and it mostly worked until my space was once again invaded by an intruder (new partner) before I had a chance to make it look like I thought it was supposed to look. It was years before I realized everybody didn't live like that, throwing it together and shoving stuff in closets before company, etc. - they just keep up with it as they go. My ex and I sometimes talk on the phone late at night, and I will never forget, years after we had parted ways, when he told me he remembered the first time he came over to my house - I'm not even sure if I replied because I didn't know what to say . . .

I'm back with my mom now because she is starting to have problems with executive functioning, and I am falling apart - she was always the most "with it" member of the family, and I feel like I'm having to do all of the planning and executing for everyone (even adult siblings not living in the home,) and I was not prepared for this. I just walked away from my home taking only the things I needed when it became apparent that she shouldn't be alone anymore, and I can't even go back to pack up my house so that I could maybe rent it out to subsidize our living situation - it's about 70 miles or an hour and fifteen minutes by car - just thinking about driving there and back in one day is exhausting, nevermind the back breaking work involved.

more than anything, without the down time of being alone in my own home (or at least alone in my room,) the facade I present falls away and everyone can see what I really am . . . or they see something even worse when I'm constantly "on" or just around other people - I have to stay awake most of the night or get up really early to have any time by myself.

So, this is what I really wanted to say - if you want a partner, and if you are able to find a good one you can live with, it can be amazing. My ex and I worked side by side doing all the cooking and cleaning - when it was good, it was great. Though we parted ways a long time ago, he's pretty much my only friend that I'm not related to, and he knows me better than almost anyone. If you meet someone you see a future with, and if you really want a partner (not sure I ever really wanted that for life,) living together can be a great compromise between living with parents or living alone - bonus points if their work schedule allows you ample alone time in the home. Also, if you're anything like me you probably wouldn't bother with the cooking/cleaning/fixing stuff living alone until you absolutely had to do it, but that isn't the worst situation ever if you're happy (and when you're able to afford living alone without extreme financial hardship).