r/adhdwomen • u/PeriwinklePiccolo876 • 1d ago
Social Life Can you do two "events" in a day?
By events I mean like... go grocery shopping AND have a get together with friends or family later. Have a doctor appt in the afternoon AND have to go to the store later or have a concert later. Do you do this and not feel like you're on the verge of a mental breakdown? Physically and mentally exhausted?
If so.... HOW???
ETA: Well, by the response, I have to say... You get me... you really get me! š„² haha. I posted because I have a (hobby related) errand I need to get done but both Sat&Sun already have events planned and it's stressing me out. Its not like running down the street to the corner store, the errand will take like 3 hours out of my day and I just don't know that I can do it along with the other plans.
Many have stated being medicated helps them. Im genuinely happy that it helps you but it does not help me, haha. I am medicated, I can focus on work or hobby for the better part of 5 hours and be flabbergasted at the time that has passed. It does not help with introvert hangover (which, much like a regular hangover, it lasts longer and is much worse the older I get!)
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u/DramaticDisorder 1d ago
I always watch those "day in my life" vlogs where the girl is going to the gym in the morning, then work, then a cafe during lunch, then back to work, then out to run errands, back home to shower, and going out to dinner with awe. I don't think I could do that once a month let alone every day.
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u/birdyheard 1d ago
i do gym before work most days, but all my meal prep & shopping happens one day a week before work starts. i think those day in the lifeās are purposely filmed on eventful days or girls save up their trips for the sake of a good video, lol. no one is normally doing all of it in one day, but unfortunately itās a necessity as i donāt have anyone helping me and i canāt afford to eat out every day.
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u/Usualausu 1d ago
I feel these must be fake. Like I get other people can do more things but I wonder how many times theyāve actually done their supposed daily routine. And how many times will they do it after that video? They never talk about how much time they spend editing or prepping for these videos.
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u/GraphCat 22h ago
It's the type of thing I can definitely do if I haven't had a mentally exhausting week at work.Ā If it's been a hard work week, it's gym and then home to knit and watch YT all evening instead.Ā
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u/apeoples13 7h ago
Exactly this! And like I probably could force myself to do all that in one day but I would be miserable and irritated the whole time. I desperately need my recharge time or else Iām useless
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u/Avondran 20h ago
Iāve been watching Hannah Alonzo on YouTube recently and a lot of these influencers get caught lying by the time on their watch or the dates on the receipts they show. Iām sure there are people who actually do a bunch of stuff in one day but I think most of it is made up for engagement.
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u/novostained 21h ago
Theyāre straight up fascist propaganda in most cases, genuinely! Peter Thiel & co fund tons of influence campaigns meant to sell that ubermenschen aesthetic of productive, able-bodied consumers of gasoline and āluxuryā goods (which the vlogs are often advertising) and air-travel etc
Trad-wife shit too, like cāmon lady we know you arenāt milking any cows you have a professional production crew filming you stir flour
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u/UnicornOnTheJayneCob 7h ago
My (ostensibly non-ADHD) daughter does this type of thing. Okay, maybe not the two going-out-to-eat-twice thing, because she is too nutritionally and fiscally responsible. But she is amazing. I think she does a lot to set herself up in advance. Consistency and everything. Or something. I donāt really understand how she does it, but it is so cool to see.
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u/Necessary_Parsley547 1d ago
I could have a day like this but it wouldnāt be planned. If I tried to plan so many activities Iād accomplish maybe 1 or 2. Much more likely to do things on a whim
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u/hyperlight85 18h ago
I am friends with someone who has that much in their day. My friend who I will refer to as Jojo works multiple gigs as a performer and also a receptionist somewhere. She video called the group chat while she was driving home from one job, then got changed and got on a train for another one. Then she went to the gym after. The moment i am home from my 9-5 I am on the couch and barely conscious.
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u/Princess_Queen 11h ago
Since you mentioned the shower before dinner.. honestly showers and outfit changes help a lot with the transition. I hate showering and only really experience this when visiting my in-laws in a tropical climate. Their social routine during the holidays is EXHAUSTING but basically being forced to take a cold shower and change outfits every outing as I was drenched with sweat really made it more manageable. Feeling like a fresh morning for every activity.
I could never do this in Canada though. One shower a day if I'm lucky, and my outfit changes are limited to like gym/hiking clothes and what I'm wearing for the rest of the day.
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u/esphixiet ADHD-C 1d ago
I'm a task stacker. I'd rather make 4 stops to different stores than go out 4 separate times. I have a weird thing about "efficiency" that makes me behave in ways that "save time" (even if it doesn't *actually* save me any time). I operate like this in a bunch of ways, at home with chores (all chores in one room at a time) or at work (if I have to go to another section I will find more than one thing to do there).
Now, if we're talking, hang out with person A in the morning and person B in the evening, Hells No. If I go home in between tasks that's it for me.
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u/CatBird2023 >50 1d ago
I love task stacking if it's just me doing stuff by myself. If I have to coordinate with several other people, not so much.
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u/gone_coconuts 1d ago
I'd rather pull out all of my hair one-by-one than include another human in my task stacking
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u/AnotherElle 18h ago
Weirdly, I have my people that I can do this with! Usually itās because they let me steer most things and they have my back before I start to lose steam. And they donāt make me feel like itās a big deal if things get wonky. But those days are definitely exhausting and donāt happen super often.
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u/gone_coconuts 13h ago
I get that! My best friend, who is also neurodivergent, is the person I can most easily task stack with. We're able to accommodate and read one another. It's nice to have people who understand when you lose steam.
My partner is sometimes the most stressful for me, because we have different ways of doing things. Like grocery shopping, I like to wander around a little but they're very much "stick to the list" type of person... And we end up stressing out one another because I feel pressured and they feel like the time has been prolonged. Haha
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u/ReasonableCoyote1939 1d ago
I also love task stacking. I'd much rather go from my house to place A to place B to place C and back home than go out to each place on a separate day. Part of this is probably that I don't drive, so its harder to spontaneously go out. But its also easier to motivate myself to go somewhere else when I'm already out than it is to force myself to go out on days off when I'd rather stay in bed.
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u/Multigrain_Migraine 23h ago
Yeah the not driving thing is part of it for sure. Back when I had a car it was no big deal for me to run here and there and back and forth to home -- maybe because my car had all my stuff in it? Because I could just walk out the door and get in instead of having to walk three blocks to the bus stop and wait? Because I could just put my stuff down on the seat instead of carrying it?Ā
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u/RockStarNinja7 1d ago
I'll go to a dozen places in 1 day if it means I don't have to go anywhere for several days in a row.
The longer I put off going somewhere, the less likely I am to ever go there, so if I need to do it, it's got to get done all at once.
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u/daughterofpolonius 1d ago
YES. If I have to leave the house more than once during the day, I hate it. My neighbor is constantly coming and going after they get home from work, and I get secondhand ābeing out in public exhaustionā for them, lol.
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u/PenelopesCurse ADHD-C 23h ago
My husband and I make separate shopping and cooking for a number of reasons. We live within walking distance from a store and he goes to get groceries almost every day, sometimes even twice or three times a day. Iām baffled.
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u/PeriwinklePiccolo876 22h ago
Honestly, I wish I could do what your husband does. My coworker told me, years ago, that he would go to the grocery store just about every day after work to grab stuff for dinner. Never in my life had I heard of this or considered it a possibility. Once a week shopping and then MAYBE a begrudging trip if I absolutely need something (but more than likely not). It would save so many ingredients when I end up not being as gung-ho about cooking as my early in the week self was.
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u/PenelopesCurse ADHD-C 12h ago
Oh yeah same. Right now (itās 11am here) he has already loaded the washing machine, went out to grab some breakfast, and then again to buy cat food. Iām still in bed trying to decide if I want to clean the kitchen or weed the garden first, and Iām not going to lift my freaking ass from this bed until I know.
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u/UnicornOnTheJayneCob 7h ago
Omg, I am pretty much in this exact situation with my husband right now! He also made me a ridiculous frittata and brought it to me as I lay here loafing.
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u/Practical-Method8 23h ago
Iām the coming and going neighbor š itās exhausting, but I have kids and they are too young to take themselves places lol
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u/Bilingual_chihuahua 1d ago
My sisters do that! It stresses me out for them š
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u/daughterofpolonius 20h ago
It kills me!! We live within 5 miles of a Walmart, Target, Aldi, Loweās/home depot, shopping mall, all the chain restaurants, plant nursery, dollar stores, literally everything. I always see my neighbor back in to their driveway just to leave a few minutes later and Iām like Gladys Kravitz haha! āAbner! The people across the street are leaving AGAIN!ā They are an elderly couple in their 70ās so I guess they enjoy just running around, but I I would be a grumpy goat after the 3rd time I had to put my shoes back on lol!
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u/Shoo_shoo_be_doo 7h ago
Oh boy, did I truly LOL at this. My husband is the Mrs. Kravitz at our house! We frequently joke about it.
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u/Anggea 1d ago
Agreed with everything youāve said - Iām the exact same way. But that major errand running outing will mean Iām not cooking meals that day or putting most of what I got away until at least the next day (unless it needs to go in the fridge or freezer).
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u/esphixiet ADHD-C 1d ago
Yes, absolutely. Good thing my husband and I have a deal that I bring home the groceries and he puts them away š¤£
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u/Anggea 1d ago
Thatās a brilliant deal. If I could train the cats to do it for me I would!!! Lol.
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u/esphixiet ADHD-C 1d ago
Cats, they're cute, but damn are they useless š¤£ wouldn't be a home without them though š»
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u/noname1738491 1d ago
My method for ātask stackingā which I just learned the name of in reading this post, is to have fun stops planned between events and ALONG THE ROUTE to them, no backtracking as that is counterproductive I feel. I search everything in maps so I can visually plan my route. I always balance the āhave to doāsā with one or two āwant to doāsā to incentivize myself.
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u/esphixiet ADHD-C 23h ago
Oh yeah there's absolutely treats involved to keep motivation up š
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u/date-a 1d ago
They talk about this in the book Invisible Women! Apparently itās a woman thing? Or at least women are much more likely to ātrip-chainā when leaving the house aka hit multiple spots in one trip. I literally did a 2 stop uber to mail something at the post office on the way to the airport recently and the driver was BAFFLED.
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u/squirrelbus 23h ago
I read something about how buses tend to underserve women because they trip-chain midday, and the buses are oriented towards rush hour 9-5 jobs.Ā
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u/azewonder 1d ago
Yep, I do as much as I can while Iām out and thatās it. Once Iām home, Iām home till the next days chaos.
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u/Apprehensive-Desk134 1d ago
Getting motivated to get ready to leave the house is a struggle for me. So if I have something that forces me to leave, like an appointment, I will then run all my errands afterwards. But out of fear of being late, it's not typical for me to plan multiple appointments in one day.
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u/PenelopesCurse ADHD-C 1d ago
I do this too. When I was a waitress my first rule was, every time you walk to the kitchen take a look around and see if thereās anything that you could take with you to save one trip. Even now, if Iām at a restaurant and I see a waiter going towards the kitchen with empty hands I want to scream!
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u/cheesekony2012 21h ago
I relate to this so much. I love to pack my morning with all the shit that needs done or pack one day with the errands so I can just chill and not stress about it the rest of the time
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u/coco_not_chanel 23h ago
3 stops MAX on my outings š i hate the constant un and out of the car
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u/PeriwinklePiccolo876 21h ago
I'm a 2-stop max kinda gal. And even the 2nd stop is like pulling teeth, I'll try to give myself any excuse to not do it. My teen wants to go from store to store shopping and I have to shoot their dream out of the sky and force them to pick two and then maybe we'll try again next month š
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u/IndependentEggplant0 20h ago
Yes if I am doing outside tasks I am doing them all at once and then crashing for the rest of the day. This somewhat fuels my impulsivity as well because I don't want to forget something and have to make a second trip so it makes budgeting tough sometimes! I definitely do this at work and home too, I kind of mentally load all my tasks for each area and do as many as I can on blast until I run out of ability to do so. Transitions are hard and so is working memory so this is the only way I have figured out to cope. I would never see two people in day or have two events, that's wild. If I'm working I just do working, I don't do social afterwards.
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u/elsathenerdfighter 16h ago
If Iām getting dressed to go out Iām doing as much as I can. The drive to get it all done is enough to push through. Just go go go and Iāll crash later. But back in November a lot of family were in town for a funeral and we had events 4 days in a row and day 2 was essentially 12hrs of events. On day 3 I was meowing in front of everyone in attempt to get my dad and sister to leave (I rode to the event with them) the meowing is embarrassing and annoying but I hit a point where I literally donāt give a fuck. I didnāt think I was going to be able to make day 4 events but I didnāt sleep well and was awake anyway (it was early event) so I just went and made it through but I think it was very not myself.
So yeah I can stack and stack and stack as long as itās all on one day.
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u/SuspiciousReality 1d ago
Omg that's totally what I do too!! Wow so nice to hear a word for it and reflect on how this works so well for me.
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u/Weirdzillaed ADHD-C 15h ago
I'm a task stacker depending on my motivation.
I should go get groceries and get my hair cut? Not happening.
I should go get groceries and visit my friend? Yes, because my motivation to move will be to visit my friend along with the thought that I could skip groceries if I did not feel like it. Then when I'm out, "I'm outside the house anyways, might as well do groceries too". The moment I get strict with myself about getting groceries too, I will sit the day out.
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u/kjdbcfsj 10h ago
I am the exact same weird way about efficiency! I have always been this way. Iāve never heard anyone else say this. Itās blowing my mind!Ā
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u/thatBitchBool 9h ago
Fellow task stacker here who developed physical chronic illness and now must break up tasks over multiple days to avoid pain and crashes. It's rough out here
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u/Great_Seaworthiness4 7h ago
God. Couldnāt resonate more about āefficiencyā and the never-ending search for it. I wonder how much I couldāve accomplished during the times Iāve stressed about achieving PEAK efficiency haha
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u/katethegreat4 7h ago
I'm the same. I'm willing to leave the house once a day, maaaaaaaaaybe twice if it was all planned in advance and I'm prepared for it. I live in a rural town and grocery shopping is usually a 3 hour endeavor, so I try to plan my errands on grocery day since I know I'm going to be wiped out anyway.
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u/Inevitable-While-577 1d ago
N o p e
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u/SeasonPositive6771 1d ago
Many years ago, a roommate noticed this in me as well. She said something like "have you ever noticed you get really exhausted if you have to do more than two things a week?" Like, going to the grocery store is fine, but multiple social obligations during the week? Trying to do more than one thing a day? Absolutely not.
For a short, beautiful time, I was on Adderall.
The biggest difference I noticed was not only was I so much happier as a person, but I could do multiple things in one day! I could do as many things a week as I needed to!
I once went to work, had a doctor's appointment during work, came back to work, bought groceries on the way home, and then did my taxes that night. I did so many things and I didn't feel overwhelmed at all. I asked my sister if this is what it felt like to be neurotypical and she was like... Yeah duh.
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u/Pollypineapple17 20h ago
What made you stop taking Adderall?
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u/SeasonPositive6771 19h ago
Unfortunately I started going through perimenopause and developed white coat syndrome and some other health issues so my psychiatrist didn't feel comfortable with me taking it any longer.
It's heartbreaking.
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u/Pocket-Pineapple 1d ago
For me, the idea of doing 2 things or having 2 obligations in one day used to be unfathomable.
Meds have improved this, but 2 "events" are still daunting to me, especially if it's more of an obligation like an appointment where someone is relying on me/expecting me to show up on time.
I still end up doing the whole wait around anxiously feeling like I'm on standby mode until my appointment is done, despite the meds. š« But I'm slightly less dysfunctional about it (or so I think lmao).
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u/FunQuestion 23h ago
Tomorrow Iām bringing the cat to the vet, dropping my son and husband off for my sonās guitar lesson, getting a facial and then going to a school event for my 7 year old and while Iām much better at doing these things now that Iām medicated, Iām very anxious about it.
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u/Bilingual_chihuahua 1d ago
While reading this thread, it just dawned on me that my meds have been helping me with this! I didnāt even realize it.
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u/PadawanPineapple 1d ago
Actually sometimes i thrive when i have multiple things to achieve in a single day. I feel good after too! It's the small accomplishments haha.
I enjoy making lists ahead of time (usually a day or multiple days prior) and then also planning my route with Google maps. Social events change my ability to do as much though so tasks or errands would have to take place before that. And then I'm usually late to said event, with or without the errands beforehand=P
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u/other-words 1d ago
I think the difference for those of us with ADHD (compared with those who donāt have it) is exactly this - if weāre going to do all the things, we really have to take time to PLAN every little detail - and account for fluctuating energy and carefully sequence everything - and add in little rewards and excitement for ourselvesā¦. We canāt just wake up and go do it. Itās a whole process.
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u/ThunderofHipHippos 1d ago
If dinner is at 7, I have to leave at 6:15, so I have to get ready at 5:45, so shower at 5:15, nap at 4:45...
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u/dallaschickensh1t 1d ago
Wowā¦ Iām so glad other people do this! I always think I donāt have time keeping issues and donāt run late but itās because I plan on time increments to the nth degree!
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u/haveaSmiletoday 20h ago
I used to do the Google map thing all the time. Imso glad it's not just me. If was going somewhere I woild plant he most efficient route to hit as many stops as possible on my way to and from. That way I could get as many things done (mailing, grocery shopping, thrifting). I still task-task like this, but since I know all my usual stops I don't have to use Google map unless I decide to add a new stop. It's gonna suck when I move cuz I'll be back to replanting my Google maps route lol.
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u/Purlz1st ADHD-C 1d ago
When I do an āOut and aboutā day itās planned to begin early, all be in the same part of town, include caffeine, and end by 2 pm. Iāll be in bed by 3:30.
A friend once gave me the incredible gift of driving me around town to do piddly stuff Iād been putting off. It was amazing, I got a bunch of things done, and stayed awake!
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u/Nervous_Summer3206 21h ago
this is a genius idea as a way to help/maybe trade favors with fellow neurospicy friends! mentally bookmarking (iād make a note but iād lose it)
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u/PersonalPenguin28 1d ago
I can only do it if there's no lulls/going back home between. I have a really, really hard time not switching off when I've gone out and come back. So, I've no problem taking my son to karate and then a birthday party, but only if we can go straight to the party after karate. If there's even a half-hour between, my brain starts up with "It's too muuuuuuuch don't waaaaannaaaa"
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u/Ok-Tumbleweed-504 1d ago
It's like this as well for me!
On days where I have energy I can have several "events" no problem, but if I go home in-between? If I, god forbid, sit down on the couch? It's so fucking over.
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u/Hooray_a_task 13h ago
Yes! I can task stack at home and and combine venues if theyāre āon the wayā but if thereās a big time gap or, god forbid, I sit down, itās so over
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u/CardamomGoblin 1d ago
i mean, i can do it... but it's difficult and exhausting. i need at least an entire rest day afterward, if not 3
normally i can do a grocery run after work, or a gym class on my lunch break, no problem. it took a long time to develop those routines and make it feel easy. plus like 10 years and major life changes, not exaggerating. i literally moved across country to a walkable city to make my lifestyle possible, to protect my mental health and brain function. it was 1000% worth it.
but anything social, or outside my neighborhood, or generally non-routine, that's it for the day, i'm done. one thing.
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u/acceptable_lemon_89 1d ago
Only on my ovulation day. The other 27 days of the month, not a chance.
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u/amyloo212 1d ago
The fact that I donāt know what days that will be doesnāt help me. I need to understand my body/cycles better š¬
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u/acceptable_lemon_89 1d ago edited 1d ago
I track my cycle with an app on my phone that does some predictive analytics. I use "period calendar" but Clue is another popular one.
Before the app I had nonsense of my cycle at all. Every month it was like WHOA IM BLEEDING AGAIN WTF!?!?!?. Like a total surprise every month.
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u/amyloo212 1d ago
I was doing that, but with the us government being involved in our reproductive rights, Iām leery of those apps.
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u/Alpacapicnic4us 1d ago
I love the Stardust app! It's women owned and kinda witchy. And very accurate for me
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u/fckinfast4 1d ago
They have to be consecutive otherwise it feels like two different days where I didnāt sleep between them. That or I have a major come down over the next two days.
I refuse to ever try ecstasy for fear of the come down. Like I go to a concert and have a great time and then Iām just depressed and withdrawn for the next two days, Iām not trusting something that will burst open the flood gates and then shut them that hard! Sorry I know itās not truly related to what you asked but it always associates in my mind. lol
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u/PenelopesCurse ADHD-C 23h ago
otherwwise it feels like two different days where I didnāt sleep between them
This. It makes total sense.
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u/lockdownlassie 1d ago
Today I had therapy, doctor and Iām about to go to yoga. I feel hard done by and very sleepy, woe is me, what horrors must I endure despite me being the one to schedule all of these quite important and beneficial things.
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u/Justalittlenap 1d ago
I can handle 2 things as long as the earlier errand or event doesnāt require too much mental exertion.
My husband will go to the store or pop out to see a friend or run back to the storeā¦at a moments notice and it bewilders me. I do not/can not just āpop outā anywhere for any reason š
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u/abbsbadabbs 1d ago
I do feel this. What helps isā¦.Meds š¤Ŗ and intentional self care/rest. Knowing that Iāll be resting the next day or that evening helps me push through. Also making sure that my tank is fullbeforehand.
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u/teenylittlesupergal 1d ago
Yes, same. Some mental preparation and self encouragement helps me too.
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u/sparklerfish 1d ago
Yeah, no, lol. My partner and I regularly remark on how impossible it is to do more than one thing a day (partner is not diagnosed ADHD but their therapist and I both agree that they are). If I ever do have to do two things in a day, it destroys me and I have to do zero things the next day or two. I dunno how neurotypicals do it.
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u/Wild_Efficiency_4307 1d ago
For me it was all about treating chronic fatigue and various related health problems. Before I could handle one obligation/event every 4 to 10 days. Now I am routinely in 3 to 4 cities per day for multiple work/volunteer/parenting obligations or events per day
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u/miniatureaurochs 1d ago
The only way I can do this is if I do not go home at any point. NO going back to the place of distraction, the place where I might sit down, the place where I might find more things to do. If I'm doing this, I have to go DIRECTLY from A to B with no break, even if it means I have to shower at work or something. Mentally, this kind of means they are connected as 'one event' and I'm not as likely to get bogged down in doing whatever my brain gets zoned in on.
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u/broken_shadows 1d ago
This is exactly the same for me! You're right, it basically need to be 'one event'. I can get through one event easy, but two, haha, good luck!
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u/OptimisticOwl66 1d ago
I had a dentist appointment yesterday and that was enough for the week š
It depends on what it is, but I prefer not to do more than one thing in a day unless absolutely necessary
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u/EatsTheLastSlice 1d ago
Multiple social events in a day? No. Too taxing.
Hitting all the shops because I am left my house and in a particular area, yes. I will bang out Trader Joe's, Costco, and Aldi in one trip. I just put on my headphones and listen to a podcast. I enjoy my time. it makes me feel productive and efficient.
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u/designmur 1d ago
I think I can, but I cannot. Luckily I have a partner now that not only supports that, but encourages me not to overload my schedule. And if multiple things must be done, he joins me or finds a way to help me. I rejected it at first, thinking I was capable of more. But then I was diagnosed with legitimate burnout and decided to listen and itās changed my life in the last year.
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u/poodleflange 1d ago
The only way I can do it is if I stay out and make two events into one long event.
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u/CraftyTaro3718 1d ago
The only way I can is if I go straight from one to the other without sitting down. So if I have to pick something up from the store, Iāll just go straight from work. If I go home, I know I wonāt be able to get myself to do it. But when I have an event in the morning and an event in the afternoon, I just canāt get myself motivated. It helps if the event involves doing something with a friend, because then I feel kind of forced to go. Although I do still cancel quite often lol
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u/Available_Cancel5878 1d ago
This is so real because i skipped the gym this morning because i had a job interview today. At 4:30pmā¦
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u/Historical-Gap-7084 1d ago
I guess I'm different. I love the variety. It keeps my brain occupied.
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u/LifeonMIR 1d ago
So glad you said that! I'm exactly the same, I'm always at my best when I'm busy, and I love the variety of doing multiple novel activities.
I sometimes wonder if I lean much more on the hyperactivity side of ADHD than most women on this sub.
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u/broken_shadows 1d ago
I'm super hyperactive, and I struggle immensely with going out more than once a day.
I'm actually pretty fine with doing multiple things if they are all in a row and no going home in between. Like, I can do yoga, go to class/work, go to an appointment, meet a friend for coffee/lunch, grab groceries on the way home and then make dinner. I actually thrive on days like this as I love variety and keeping busy - as long as there is no waiting time in between each task.
If they are broken up into separate outings, I'm absolutely useless. Once I'm home, I am done and can't get motivated to go out again. And if they are routine things, it's not really variety and gets boring after a few weeks of repetition.
I'm also super spent for the next day or two, so can only plan those types of days knowing I've got plenty of down time afterwards. I used to keep up this kind of activity for weeks/months at a time, but I've finally worked out I burn out pretty hard if I don't give myself ample time to recharge. I am an all or nothing type of person š
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u/thefaintestidea 1d ago
Very ungracefully with lots of crying and anxiety.
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u/thefaintestidea 1d ago
Gotta add...it also depends on whether they are things I WANT to do, or not. It's still tough if they are things I want to do, but it for sure makes it easier.
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u/Thedicewoman Late diagnosis 1d ago
Nope - and itās why Mon-Fri, 9-5 work is utterly robbing me of life.
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u/LemonTeaFerret 1d ago
This thread is so validating š Sorry so many other people struggle with this as well, but I feel way less bonkers knowing Iām not alone.
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u/Sorxhasmyname 22h ago
I can do up to three as long as I can have a vegetable day immediately after. That is, a day on which I am a vegetable, not a day on which I eat vegetables
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u/Weird_Squirrel_8382 1d ago
With planning and support yes. I sit down the night before and schedule the whole thing. I think it helps that most of my family also has ADHD so we plan together.
It's a lot harder by myself, I won't lie.Ā
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u/DangDoood 1d ago
I would need a few days off afterward Iām ngl but I think I could
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u/GenXMillenial 1d ago
As a full time working parent I donāt get much choice. I am just better now with meds at handling it
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u/21ratsinatrenchcoat 1d ago
I can do it if I plan it out in advance. Most days I make a list of exactly what needs to be done and in what order, and I refer back to it when I inevitably get sidetracked. But if I've already got my list, and someone asks for a last minute hang/errand/whatever? Absolutely no way bestie that's terrifyingĀ
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u/panini_bellini 1d ago
seriously wondering what kind of jobs or lifestyles yall have that allow you to only participate in one āeventā per dayā¦ Iām on my own so if I donāt get my shit done, I donāt survive
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u/PenelopesCurse ADHD-C 23h ago
I work from home and have no kids. Work 9-6:30 mon-fri with multiple breaks, I have the chance to do small chores during the day (laudry, dishwasher etc). Then (not always like this but as an example):
Monday - do nothing because Tuesday
Tuesday - go to the office for in person appointments, then do nothing Wednesday - wash hair
Thursday - grocery shopping
Friday - hang out with friends
Saturday- bulldozer mode with cleaning spree, gaming
Sunday - sleep, doomscrolling, taking a walk or do something funny downtown, hikingā¦If I need to squeeze in some other appointment like the dentist or any kind of errand, I can still squeeze it in but mentally complain all the time like a fussy toddler.
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u/PeriwinklePiccolo876 19h ago
To be honest, it's not even one event per day for me. It's like one event per 2 weeks... If i have to get gas in my car, I have to do it on a day I don't have anywhere else to go. Not because getting gas is taxing for me but because whatever I have planned the next day when ill need to use said gas IS taxing for me and I have to leave that day free to watch the clock before I have to leave so I'm not late or for after the event to veg out and decompress.
I'm the single-est single mom, I have a mortgage, I work from home, I have a teenage child, dogs and a bazillion hobbies that keep me happy and busy at home. I order my groceries for multiple reasons. It has to be done, but I absolutely abhor it. I'm a wanderer... doesn't matter what list I made (and most likely forgot at home or in the car), I'm more likely to wander the isles and buy things I don't need because, for the moment, I'm interested in trying it and then it sits in the cupboard or fridge til I throw it away. It also saves me time.. while they're shopping, I can clean out my fridge and cupboard.
If I didn't HAVE to leave my house sometimes, I never would. I'm not agoraphobic, I just really love my space. I love the peace I have at home. I may exhaust myself sometimes but dealing with "outsiders" (š) is far more exhausting. The only time I'm even the slightest but excited to leave the house is if I'm going to visit family cause I love em to pieces, but I'm absolutely depleted by the end of it.
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u/One-Struggle-8016 1d ago
I canāt even do two events like washing my clothes and putting them away in one day.
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u/Curious_Red_Fox 1d ago
I can but I donāt really have the choice because I live in the countryside so I try as much as possible to group my appointments.
Example : I plan my physiotherapist appointment, my yoga course and collecting my food from the drive-through the same day. 12:00 to 13:00 for the physio, 13:30 to 14:30 for the yoga course and 15:00 for the shopping. I only have 5min driving between each locations but I prefer to have more time and to wait in my car because it reduces my anxiety.
My tips : time blocking in my calendar, always add 30min between the events, it is better to be early than late. As much as possible, I plan my events the afternoon because Iām more efficient and itās simply less stressful for me
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u/MundaneVillian ADHD 1d ago
I was getting better about being able to do more than one 'event' per day, but I've had quite a few physical health issues that just zap my energy constantly. Feels really shitty to cancel on people, or be late paying bills because I'm too constantly exhausted and fatigued to do much but sleep or scroll on my phone.
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u/Free-Tea-3012 1d ago
I can, but need mental prep, a break, or several, and either my meds or hella caffeine. And I will crash and burn as soon as I get home
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u/GhoeAguey 1d ago
I find itās easier to do when I schedule things close ish together and I start them before or around noon. I āwaitā until my first event to start my day so if my first event is at 4pm Iām exhausted from waiting all day. So I stack things starting at 11 and I try to layer them so reward-events break up chore-events (eg: doctor chore > donut treat > pick up groceries chore > socialize with a friend who doesnāt require high energy treat)
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u/heartshapedhoops 21h ago
no but if iām already outside and i already have the supplies i need in my car then i do try to muster up the energy do more than one thing. for example, i always try to force myself to put returns inside my car as soon as i put in the request, so that the next time i get in my car for some other less avoidable task ill be more likely to go and make the goddamn return as well. iāve lost like hundreds of dollars to missed returns at this point lol
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u/shinymagpiethings 19h ago
I want to send this thread to my dental hygienist. Every time I have a teeth cleaning she wants to chitchat about what my plans are for the rest of the day, and I can never give her an answer that comes across as normal.
It's like... I'm here aren't I? Isn't that enough for a Saturday?
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u/magicfluff 19h ago
I can if there isn't any down time between events.
Like I could not do a big, weekly, grocery shop at 9am and then do a concert at 9pm, nope. But I could meet my friends at 2pm and then scoot over and see family at 5pm, no problem!
The issue is stopping. As soon as I stop, as soon as I get home, I'm done.
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u/HungerP4ngz 1d ago
Yes, now I can do many events together. I have a baby and no choice āš¼
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u/nyxelle0209 1d ago
Anytime I have school then work, or one work shift then a break (enough time that I have to go home or fill like 2-3 hours in another way) then a different work shift, it's so brutal. I only do it because I have to -_- I'm absolutely drained and exhausted afterwards.
Although, if I'm out shopping or something I need to make the most of it and go as many places as possible before I go home and as soon as I'm home I'm done for the day and don't want to go back out.
I'm realizing that it's the break in the middle, it's the loss of flow-state, I hate going back to something after stopping for a bit
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u/randousername8675309 1d ago
Yes, Adderall. However that doesn't mean I don't want to mentally break, I hate doing multiple things in a day, but I can schedule my breakdown for after my errands with the Adderall š
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u/cloudshaper 1d ago
Yes, but I need to have a plan or it all goes cattywampus. Doc visit is easy (as long as itās not a new provider). The store run will go best if I know what store Iām going to and have a list compiled. For a concert, I try to work out with my concert buddy in advance what time weāre meeting up and what the plan for dinner is so I can set my expectations accordingly. The intent isnāt to be rigid or anal, but to have an outline of what needs to get done when so that I donāt la-dee-dah my way into being late. Plans never survive initial contact with reality, but they do provide a good foundation to riff off of when the unexpected occurs. (And my concert buddy admits that while they never plan as much as I do, we do end up with much better food plans my way!)
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u/kamaaina16 1d ago
Only if iām meeting up with people like I had a dr appointment yesterday and called my sister to see if she wanted me to bring her a bagel, if she did iād bring one over to her and ask her to come shopping with me at target, if she doesnāt then im just going to go home and probably stay there all day
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u/One_Palpitation3707 1d ago
It kind of depends on the thing. I have a doctors appointment this afternoon that I know will be short and low stress and I have plans with my partner this evening, but I likely won't get any chores done (despite having time to tackle them between the two things).
If they're all freeform things I can often get a good momentum going-for example if I have no plans in a day I might go for a run, run the dishwasher and do some light cleaning when I get back, and then hop on my bike and go get groceries and put them away because they kinda feed into each other. But a scheduled thing kills the momentum-For example, if had plans at 4pm, I might get one of those things done in the morning but would be paralyzed by waiting mode after that even if I had ample time.
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u/BarefootGA 1d ago
It's SOOOO hard!!!! It's always made me feel like there's something really wrong with me when people are like I did this, this, this and now I'm going to meet friends for dinner.... what????
I also have like reverse time blindness (or maybe there's an actual term for it lol) where I tend to overestimate how long things will take and feel very overwhelmed by that. My husband has to talk me down from the ledge. lol
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u/NemesisCalliope 1d ago
I can barely do two events in a week without feeling the bur out catching upš¬ makes making and keeping social relationships real hard. Like do I want groceries for food or keep the few friends I have
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u/areyouhavingalaugh 1d ago
What works for me is consolidating events to one full day. When Iām in motion I can stay in motion. Then Iāll schedule the following day as my ārotā day where I do nothing but recharge.
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u/ashiberries 1d ago
I genuinely donāt know how people do it. By the time I come back from the gym I feel like Iām already done for the day. Everything is so mentally and physically exhausting I want to cry. I donāt know how Iām expected to get anything done
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u/CherryCherry5 1d ago
Only if I have a ride. I don't drive, and public transit takes a lot out of me.
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u/gwyniveth 1d ago
My family always teases me about how if I have one scheduled activity, I will not be doing anything else the rest of the day. This morning I had a therapy appointment, and now I'm dreading the fact that I have to go grocery shopping as well, because I already did a thing. Now I'm supposed to do another thing?? It's absolutely exhausting. I always try to schedule things so that I only have one "event" per day, but sometimes that can't happen, and it's awful.
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u/claricaposch 1d ago
2 social events is a big day. 1 social event and 1 standard errand (like grocery shopping) is reasonable for me, as long as Iām mentally prepared. Any amount of socialization at the last minute when Iāve expected to stay home is overwhelming.
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u/smeagolandfish 1d ago
When I have an appointment, I usually try to cram in all my errands together that same day so I donāt continue to avoid it through out the week. It also helps that Iām already up, showered, and ready to be in the public, so I might as well as use that effort to get the rest of my stuff done š
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u/sleepykitten16 1d ago
I would rather have one day of outings than multiple days. Also I only do necessary tasks, like doctor appointment, drop off package at post office, and pick up groceries. If I feel too tired, I will Instacart groceries, but I usually feel ok while out and about. Once I sit down, itās game over.
Unless Iāve made plans with others, I donāt go to concerts (Iām small and they are not so fun for us tiny folk - tall people love standing right in front lol), restaurants, movies, etc. Usually I reserve things like that for when family is in town, which then itās more of an entertainment for everyone.
We stay inside for the most part haha! My husband and I are easily overstimulated with having a baby lol
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u/AdEmbarrassed9719 1d ago
I can do it if they are consecutive. LIke, if I'm out at the doctor, I can stop at the store on the way home.
If it requires two trips out of the house? Not happening unless there's other people involved making sure it happens.
I once watched a video of someone who was like "I've got an afternoon party to go to in an hour so I'm just going to plant a bunch of new flowers, repot an entire tray of seedlings, and water and fertilize the entire 3 acre garden, while recording all of it for our YouTube channel. Not much time to get things done this afternoon!" And she DID. Looking relaxed and calm and like there was all the time in the world.
An hour before an afternoon party I'd be either doomscrolling while panicking about needing to go get ready, or if I was particularly motivated I'd be in the midst of frantically trying to figure out what to wear and how to accessorize it. And I'd have gotten literally nothing else productive done the entire day. And I'd probably still be late to the party.
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u/gone_coconuts 1d ago
āØD I S S O C I A T I O NāØ ... Then crying in the shower at home, later.
Okay but really, having earbuds has helped me a lot whether it's to block/damped outside world noises or help my brain goblin focus by having a podcast/music to hyper fixate on while I do tasks. Stimulants also help a lot. Tasks don't feel as daunting, my brain doesn't break them down into a long list of never ending steps.
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u/sleepyaldehyde 1d ago
If I have to do multiple things in a day, I can typically, but Iām WIPED and dead to the world after.
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u/Previous_Project4581 1d ago
Only on my meds and when Iām not in luteal lol. And usually I need at least 30 min-2 hours to sit in between
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u/Cheesybunny 1d ago
Right now I'm pregnant and also unmedicated for ADHD. I can hardly make it to ONE event some days. If my husband is with me, I can sometimes do multiple things. So no. With support, maybe. I'm disabled and more disabled than usual with pregnancy. ADHD is a disability. I'm trying to feel less guilty about not being able to function like a "normal" person. But it's hard not to to feel bad.
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u/amandabang ADHD-C 1d ago
I have to ride the wave of momentum. I can't stop or take a break. Must stay active from the start of activity 1 until the end of activity 2, then I crash.
It also really helps if one of them is a routine, like going to the gym at 7 am MWF or always grocery shopping on Tuesdays. That allows me to "prove" to myself that it's doable, because it is. It just doesn't feel like it (by which I mean every fiber of my being is screaming at me that it's not possible).
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u/T-shizzle_izzle 1d ago
I have to be medicated and have a constant flow of caffeine, snacks and good vibes going. And then I need reassurance that I will have time to myself at the end of the night.
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u/Mysterious_Sir_1879 1d ago
When I'm more regulated and at ease, I can. But that's not very often, sadly.
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u/Cyaral 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yes, but - without meds, low chance. If pushed to I can but I need recovery after.
With meds its easier, and if Im in motion already its easier to continue (for example, my guinea pig currently needs to see the vet regularly. Coming from the vet its easier to quickly drop him off home and then go grocery shopping than if I were to put him back, do something else for an hour and THEN go grocery shopping. Tasks that dont have me accompanied by a fuzzy rodent I even chain so I pick up a package, then drop something off, then go buy groceries, only returning home when everything is done and I can just stay home for the rest of that day).
No way in hell Im doing concerts though, late in the day is when Im least social and most exhausted, a concert would just stress me the hell out. Thats definitely a personal preference, I just cant fully relax in public or around strangers (and concerts also have added sensory overload).
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u/Far-Tea-9647 1d ago
Thank you so much for posting this. I have this thing where I can only do one social "event" per weekend. That can literally be like a two hour dinner with an extended family member on Saturday. It's annoying because I want to see people more, and it means I can only really see people kinda rarely because of the "rotation". But with work and chores feeling sooo heavy, it's all I can (somewhat) comfortably manage. Forget anything social during the week, that's crazy talk! (Obviously not for everyone, we're all different. I have a friend with ADHD who never stops!) I love how I don't feel the need to curtail my tendency towards brackets in this sub š
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u/Knitforyourlife 23h ago
My accommodation to myself is not planning two in one day! Unless there is a big reason I need to. But vacations and rest days? No, I know what I can handle and I see no reason to blow past that limit.
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u/lasagnaisgreat57 23h ago
yeah i actually like to tack on multiple in one day because i hate the process of getting ready for the day, like showering and picking out an outfit and doing my hair and all that. i do it anyways every weekday for work but if itās a weekend iāll do everything on one day if i can so i can use the other day to rot lol. especially if itās something like a concert, i like to just have the time to focus on my makeup or my outfit and not have to worry about the shower too because i did that earlier
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u/Multigrain_Migraine 23h ago
No, not really. I'm so tired all the time these days that I really have to steel myself to go out, and once I'm out I don't want to come home and then leave again.Ā
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u/FeistyPreference 23h ago
I have to do all my errands in a row. If I have to go home partway through itās all over.
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u/squirrelbus 22h ago
I just did 2 weekends in a row that were packed hour-to-hour with events and chores. This weekend I stayed in my pj's and played video games all dayĀ
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u/SquidHat2006 22h ago
Yeah but i can only do ot for like one or 2 days and then im down for like a week. Its like i have to ration productivity or i run out of my allotment for the week.
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u/fleetingglances 22h ago
No lol. I scheduled two phone calls with family members the other day and it made me an anxious wreck and did nothing for a full day afterwards. I feel like thats totally par for the course for us and that helps get me through
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u/twurkle 18h ago
I could do several errands and an āeventā in one day but I could do more than one social even in one day. Also being able to shop and/or do multiple errands in one day was definitely something I had to teach myself I could do/forced myself through procrastination to have days like that, it wasnāt something I did naturally
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u/sophiethegiraffe 1d ago
I had a work lunch then my kid's practice yesterday. After she wanted to go to a store to get hair product. It nearly killed me. The only saving grace is it has 2 entrances/exits, so no left turns to pull in or head back home. Attempting a left turn into rush hour traffic and I would have simply ceased to exist.
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u/IamtheHarpy 1d ago
It really depends on the week and even the exact day for me. Sometimes itās easier to knock out a bunch of these things in a shorter time span and then have ādays offā where I donāt do muchā¦ sometimes those days off come even when I donāt plan them, and I am just unable to do more than one event, if I can even get the single event done.
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u/orangeants 1d ago
When medicated and the stars are aligned and Iāve gotten enough sleep and the tasks I have to do arenāt too taxing? Yes Unmedicated itās a lot harder, and it depends on the thing I have to do. Social events are always tough even if I love the people Iām seeing, but grocery shopping is fine by me because itās kind of a recharge. If it was doing the laundry though. No way.
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u/Amazing-Essay7028 1d ago
Very rarely. It has to be on a day where I'm feeling and looking good and have money and energy
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u/LadyLatte 1d ago
When I was married to someone with untreated ADHD and I was managing the executive functioning for us both, I actually had a rule that I could only do one event a day.
It was so hard to get both of us out the door mostly on time.
Now that Iām just managing myself 2 events is no big deal. When my non ADHD partner is involved, three things are possible.
He makes transitions look magically easy, and because Iām willing to let him dictate and manage time, it all goes smoothly.
He does laugh when I agree to an āIrish goodbyeā then hug everyone we pass by on the way out.
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u/hbomb9410 1d ago
I can, but I'm gonna be super grumpy by the end of the day, and I'll need at least a full day of doing nothing to recover.
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u/Status-Spinach9650 1d ago
Medicated: yes.
Unmedicated: maybe, but the decision paralysis/fatigue is much more prevalent and I will eventually give up either because Iām starving and didnāt feed myself properly or because my brain is short circuiting.
Regardless of medicated or unmedicated, I set a very specific agenda for myself on unstructured days where I am not working. This includes specific times I need to leave, tasks/chores I want to get done, and if Iām driving somewhere I havenāt been before I will copy and paste the maps location directly into the note on my phone.
Of note: if itās PMS week, all bets are off lol
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u/LiliTiger 1d ago
Yes, as long as I don't have to go home between them. I can stack events when I'm already out and about but the resistance to going out resets if I go home.
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u/Ordinary-Difficulty9 1d ago
I tried this last weekend.
My momās birthday lunch in the afternoon, a comedy club that night, then a baby shower the next afternoon.
I had fun at all three. Butā¦I had to push myself to still want to go to the comedy club. If we didnāt have tickets and friends going with us I probably would have changed my mind at the last minute.
And after the baby shower on Sunday I came home and climbed straight into bed and stayed there for the rest of the day. Lol.
Had a great time at all events but it wiped me.
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