I was doing some research about ADHD coming hand in hand with bipolar for my own curiosity last night - I have Bipolar type 1 and combined ADHD

This isn't for a study or anything serious, but I'm curious about how many of us Bipolar baddies have ADHD as well! I wonder if there's some kind of link. Feel free to scroll on by or share your storys 😊

I once had to stop seeing a therapist because he had a very slight lazy eye. I have ADHD and the ENTIRE time we would be in session I’d be either 1- trying to figure out which eye was a little wonky 2- trying to NOT look at his eyes Or 3- switching between looking at his left and right eye as to not raise suspicion

just stopped taking my mood stabilizer because the brain fog was getting too much. i know its almost impossible to be on meds without any side effects but where do you guys draw the line? what side effects are you willing to live with in exchange for the stability the medication provides?

If music wasn’t such a big part of my life, i would have died months ago.

What’s your go to music/band/playlist to change your mood for the better?

Here’s a few that just keeps me going: 1. Kite - nick heyward 2. Styggo - dandy warhols 3. Restless - new order

How do you guys tend to sleep while in a state of mania? For me I find it difficult to get to sleep because I end up laying in bed kinda just having conversations in my head, usually I lay in bed for 30 mins to an hour or two before I can get to sleep. When I do get to sleep, I wake up easily throughout the night, I always catch myself flopping around in bed like crazy, so much to where it wakes me up a lot throughout the night. I also get some super crazy dreams, a lot of the time intense nightmares. When I wake up, it doesnt matter how many hours of sleep I got because I wake up full of energy! Whats every elses experience? Similar or not really? :P

How do yall sleep. Because I cannot, even on meds that make me sleepy. They’re not working and I need to sleep but I can’t, it’s been a few days anyways, I need tips and tricks because I cannot sleep

This illness is so debilitating. I’m so isolated and every day is a struggle. I don’t know what to do any more. Very scared I’m going to just give up.

I think family have just had enough of me. I don’t know who I am.

Please someone give me hope.

While talking to my friend, I realized that I have a lot of ruminating thoughts and very repulsive feelings about the things I did in the past during mania.

I’ve had two manic episodes, but I think the one that affected me the most was when I exposed myself too much on the internet and involved other people. I always end up tormenting myself and not understanding how I allowed myself to be so vulnerable.

In the second episode, I exposed myself a lot less, but I ended up talking to my ex-girlfriend and telling her how much I had loved her, how important she had been in my life… And since I was dealing with hypersexuality, I started having sexual desires for her again.

Were you able to overcome it peacefully? How did you come to terms with the things you did during mania? Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t judge myself, since I wasn’t really in control, but at the same time, I still have nightmares (or dreams) about both episodes and the people involved to this day.

I've officially fried my brain. I have a pretty frequent history of mania (5 manic episodes over the past 12 years), and I had a long, severe episode last year that lasted 3 months long with psychotic symptoms. It's been 5 months since my last episode ended, and my brain is still not back to where it was. I think I have permanent brain damage, particularly in verbal declarative memory and concentration. I can't recall what people are saying in a conversation with a lot of facts or nuances, which is exactly what I need to do in my job as a software engineer. I also take 2 minutes to read a single book page of text. I lose track of information dense conversations in the middle of them.

What are some jobs people have held with this level of cognitive decline? I am a senior software engineer at a big tech company on medical leave, but I don't anticipate I can keep my job if and when I come back. I'll probably be fired and then have to find another job that my brain can handle.

Also, are there cognitive training games or activities people do for those with cognitive decline to improve their cognitive abilities?

Thank you in advance for your help.

Hey all, hope all is well. I, (21F), have been diagnosed with BP1 since 14 or 15 and things have been good, bad, and neutral.

I've been through multiple manic/depressive episodes (ranging in severity), recently turning with psychotic features as well. Been through multiple jobs changes, about to begin a new job im crossing all of my fingers on I dont lose. Its a constant struggle, truthfully. I commend anybody who is combating this disorder.

I dont think I can take the ups and downs and constant unknowing anymore. I've decided to begin taking meds again, waiting to see if they help but I feel so lost right now, almost as if I'm going to have a breakdown. I'm at a complete loss at this time and it seems to only be getting worse, I worry for myself and others around me. Its just a burden at this point.

I don't know where this is going next...

Part I is posted in a separate post ... can you relate?

"You are primed to end up in abusive or exploitive romantic, personal, or professional relationships because society as a whole already tells you that you are less than human in a plethora of different ways … as such you are eager to please and used to taking abuse. Abuse has been, in fact, in many ways the only treatment you have received for your medical problem.

Consider the pain you would feel if your diagnosis, which overshadows your existence, was one of the last things in the culture that still nobody cares about being politically correct or kind about.

Think of how it would feel to have two versions of your autobiography: the real one, with everything that has happened in your life; and the one with the dark secrets edited out that you have practiced and perfected so that the holes in your story and the missing months and years won’t be noticed.

And all of the above is just existing in society and personal and familial relationships… now consider having to fiercely guard the secret of your diagnosis with your employer and coworkers, for fear of heavy scrutiny, judgment, or even hate. To stay well, your diagnosis requires regular medical visits and you have to come up with some excuse so that nobody finds out why you are taking extra care to take care of your health.

And nobody understands except others with the same diagnosis as you. You learn to cut off medical providers before they go down the path of the “diabetes analogy”, because last time you checked diabetes didn’t do any of the above to diabetics and you have heard the analogy so many times your are going to explode if you hear it again.

What kind of medical problem could lead you to be infantilized, dehumanized, and victimized, no matter how outwardly successful you become? How could anything like this be the case? This is life with Bipolar Disorder."

I have been stable for around 7 years. In my period of stability I passed the bar exam, got a job as an attorney, was promoted to partner in 6 months, and became 40% owner of the law firm that bears my name.

I was the best attorney in the firm. I made the most money, had the happiest clients, and the best reputation.

I thought my business partner was my best friend. We went to lunch together twice a week. Stayed at each others homes, and were more than colleagues, we talked about a lot of personal stuff.

Rounding the corner of my fourth year as an attorney and second year as owner of the firm, and four years of friendship with my partner, I let my guard down. My partner had known I had the bipolar diagnosis from the beginning, he necessarily became aware of it from court records. However, I guess I let me guard down and started mentioning it more.

WELL - now that I had some experience I was voicing my opinions more and kissing my partners ass less. I was overworked and stressed and had many physical health problems and two surgeries in 6 months.

After working with an emotional abuse life coach, while I was frustrated with my partner in a situation, I stood my ground and didn't kiss his ass to smooth things over. WELL - THAT LED HIM TO BELIEVE I WAS MENTALLY UNWELL DUE TO MY BIPOLAR. I was showing absolutely zero signs of mania and having zero issues with clients or employees. But that didn't stop him from deciding I was so unwell he cut my access to my computer.

Because of what I have been through in the past, the accusation and losing access to my computer - and thus my identity as an attorney - triggered a HORRIFIC CASCADE of PTSD. The month of February is a complete blur, most of March, too. I was not manic, but I was incapacitated by my mental health crisis. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before.

My family and friends couldn't believe my partner was at fault soin the beginning I had to try to separately prove my sanity to all my family and close friends and received zero support. Eventually I told everyone to F off, packed my car and took my dog on an aimless road trip to my favorite place 1000 miles away. The PTSD made me reactive and I told A LOT of people to F off but the trip was good for me.

At times, I have been the closest to suicidal I have ever been. I would never do it because I have pets I love that need me but it was definitely the closest I have ever been.

It is so hard for me to find the right lawyer, and I am still looking, but it seems I don't really have rights as an employee because I was part owner of the firm, but I don't have rights as a partner because I am the minority partner.

As I have been pulling out of my crisis, I have made new friends and been honest with a lot of people. My next goal is to become a public figure, starting as an author, to speak out on this MEDICAL problem we have that leads us to be treated as less than human.

I may be reaching out to the group here for input and I am interested in how others' experiences have been the same or different than mine. My goal is to be a social justice leader so that we do not have to tell each other in our private groups to KEEP YOUR DIAGNOSIS A SECRET AT ALL COSTS. But for now, that is my cautionary tale.

*LL

going through a rough patch with a mixed episode, the 3rd one I’ve had this year so far and its exhausting. i don’t know if i can live like this for the rest of my life alongside my comorbidites (adhd, ocd, anxiety) and being autistic too. feel like the odds are stacked against me and recently been fearing ending up alone.

i don’t have many friends or family, my mom is my rock and i have death anxiety and constantly ruminate on her passing so when she leaves i’ll be alone essentially. i don’t see myself having a romantic relationship at any point in my life either, so what i’ll be stuck with this crippling disorder all alone? i’ve begun to develop agoraphobia and have generally always been a home body and feel most comfortable in my space so i worry I won’t find a community and will be alone forever. i wish i could be cured from this.

I don't remember when it started but I guess a few months ago I started noticing I guess you could say "voices" or I guess a Voice in my head. There's a bit of paranoia going for me too so I'm not too sure if that goes hand and hand with that as well.

I'm curious if this is something that's common for us? Or is this just another one of those things that comes and goes on its own?

i just came down from a manic episode and I swear to god I’m so cooked. At school we took a science test last week and my brain did NOT work at all, I was having psychotic symptoms and was feeling really wired so I chose random answers and I’m positive I failed. I hate this so much. I hate my brain. And I feel like this disorder is so traumatizing but people just like, joke about it or make me seem crazy. I don’t know what else to say I just have a lot on my mind.

I’ve been seeing my therapist off and on for about 5 years. He think I have borderline personality disorder and that accounts for most of my symptoms. He thinks my struggles are primarily from trauma. I agree that I have some traits and have a lot of trauma. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with bipolar 2. I was initially shocked by this but have come around to it, and I feel like my meds are helping me a ton. I do believe the diagnosis. I went back to my therapist and told him the diagnosis and he disagreed again and said it’s from trauma and I have borderline tendencies but if the meds help that’s great.

Does it matter if my therapist is supportive of my diagnosis or not?

I think I do have bipolar and possibly some borderline tendencies as well, but I do believe I have a chemical imbalance that swings me from one extreme to another. This is just a bit confusing and I’m not sure if it matters so much or I should just worry more about what helps and what doesn’t.

To be fair, my therapist has never asked me about hypomanic episodes or feelings, while my psychiatrist has. In therapy I mostly talk about my relationships and in psychiatry we mostly talk about moods.

hi friends! i’ve been off my meds and without a psychiatrist for almost a year (since July 2024) and i am finally seeing a new psychiatrist! i’ve been holding myself up with all the coping mechanisms and strategies i’ve obtained with my time in therapy and past psychiatrist and i’ve been doing pretty well.

however, i just had my first appointment with my new psychiatrist and as we were going through my history, she pointed out that what i believed were symptoms of hypomania were in fact symptoms of mania and corrected my previous diagnosis of a 2 to a 1. i’m kind of in shock and feeling a little gaslight… she’s very kind and knowledgeable and i fully trust her to do her job well. but i’m just kind of stuck and holding on to my belief that i’m a 2 and not a 1. though it really checks out… feelings of grandiose and feeling like GOD, manic episodes lasting weeks and other.

but i’m just kind of stuck because i don’t feel that i have it as bad as others and can’t grasp onto how bad it is.. have you ever felt this way or have had experience with this?

EDIT: i apologize for miscommunication and for offending anyone! i am not trying to belittle type 2, rather i relate more and feel that i am more type 2 than 1 and not to say that 1 is worse and 2 is “easier” to manage. to clarify, i didn’t think that my mania was more stronger than it is.

I have BP-2 and I am morbidly depressed atm. I work in a kindergarten and I have to be switched on all day, but it nauseates me to even think about having to get out of bed tomorrow, let alone get out of bed, then go and be energetic and joyful from 9:00-5:30. It’s even worse because I used to be on ice (I do feel an immense amount of guilt and shame for doing that in my line of work) but they didn’t see that, they only saw that I was insanely locked in and enthusiastic, not that I was wired… and so now that I’m clean, they’re so up my ass that my performance has dropped.

I used to never be late because I didn’t sleep, but now I’m depressed and overtired and oversleeping, last week I didn’t wake up until after my shift started; I used to be so energetic and pumped up for work, doing every task with crackhead precision and speed, but now I’m depressed and sluggish and on the verge of tears all day. Should I just get back on the gear? I can’t take this shit, I wanna cry so bad just thinking about having to wake up. What the hell can I do to make this easier? I got taken off my medication last year because I was using, I saw my GP on Saturday to talk about starting them again, because they were so helpful, but it’s been so long that I have to see the psychiatrist again, which I can’t get an appointment for, for at least another month.

Hey,

BP2 here, early 30s.

I've been on this sub a fair amount lately, and I've read a few posts that got me worried.

I see many people talking about how mania damaged their brain. Is this real / science based ?

It got me worried to be honest. I personally have a feeling that some of my cognitive abilities have decreased in the past few years.

Such as ability to focus (I even started considering that I may have some sort of ADHD to some extent).

I thought it could've been caused by cognitive overload / too many thoughts at the same time, all the time.

Or from too much time spend depressed

Or because of the anxiety

Or from some of the meds / drugs I've been doing over the years (even if it wasn't a lot).

I never connected it to hypomania

I would appreciate some insight on this topic

My BP seems to get worse by aging, feel like I need to up my meds again (with my dokter off ours) every time I switch from up to down it feels like my brain is getting smaller I'm getting more dumb and my cognitive and short term memory fade even more away. On the other hand I have read that the long term effects of my meds also could affect my brain, cognitive and short term memory. Do you guys have the same impression? How do you experience this?

Interested in how many of you can relate to this. It is long so broken down into two parts:

"How would you feel if you had a medical diagnosis that was necessarily your deepest darkest secret?  If daring to share your diagnosis would generally result in you being classified as an unworthy and frightening human being?

What if the only treatment for your medical problem was horrifyingly dehumanizing and barbaric, OR, if you were not lucky enough to be diverted towards those treatments, you’d most likely become a convicted criminal, leading your deep dark secret to grow.

What if this ailment you were plagued with resulted in losing most all of your close friendships that had developed throughout all the major periods of your life? And then any friends who did stick by your side, would act like they are generous for not eschewing you, like most of your other friends, and have no interest or concern in truly being a good friend, because they know you have hardly anybody else and they can get away with treating you poorly.  

Can you imagine if every time something bad or strange happened to you, if you dared to share the story or seek support, you would often end up forced to prove your sanity rather than receive support or understanding?

Imagine being so desensitized to losing most everything you own, because it has happened multiple times due to your illness, that you do not even feel bad for natural disaster victims who “lose everything” because at least they have support, while your losses have just been added to the list of your deepest darkest secret that you shove down into the black hole inside of you.

Now imagine, your disease has been in “remission” for a while and you would like to get some therapy to finally work through the black hole of your dark secrets in a safe place, however there is no formal treatment program for your disease that doesn’t assume you are, or have been, a hard drug user, or equate you with hard drug users and force you to engage in group therapy with them or forego extensive treatment.

Imagine if anyone who was aware of your diagnosis constantly scrutinized your every word, action, mood, and emotion and, as a result, if you dare to do anything out of the ordinary, or have a big emotion (even for a good cause) your sanity is once again placed into question.  This extraordinary and constant scrutiny would also forbid you from sharing anything about which you may have a passion for.  Talking about spiritual or religious matters, no matter how important to you it may be, becomes off limits in most contexts to those with whom your diagnosis is known."

Part II in next post

this steamy summer makes me too happy and angry at the same time. I'm always irritated,grumpy,and annoyed when someones talking to me. I guess I'm being rude nowadays. Any help guys??

19 M with bipolar 1

Hi all, I work at a large retail store as a cashier, just came back from a short leave of absence thanks to bipolar and anxiety. I’m already relapsing to my symptoms and left early tonight. I’m tired of not being able to work like a normal person. I used to till the bipolar got worse. I’m medicated but still taxing symptoms. I see my psychiatrist again in a week and a half. What do?

Trying on different medications for a year and a half now. Lots didn't do anything or just sedated me to the point of falling asleep. After I had my genes tested (me and my psychiatrist) realized I have lots of medications that don't work for me. I am on a newly discovered more unique one thats outside of the umbrella of mental health meds.

Recently, [at least since December] everything has been increasingly difficult. I have definitely been wondering if things could be better. After today reading [what it was like before medications] on this subreddit, I feel as though I could strive for something better. Maybe Im misdiagnosed, maybe meds are less effective, life circumstances could be letting me down.

I'm emotionally unstable, more antisocial, extremely unmotivated, often SI, skin picking episodes more frequently- lots of things getting worse and leading nowhere. I don't enjoy anything and I don't want to see anyone.

I have a new psychiatrist, I don't exactly want to be prescribed so many things it's a cocktail of side effects. I also want sonething that actually WORKS. How often do you play with dosages and different meds. Do you feel like they lose their potency after awhile, that seems natural.

Last year I felt so new, inspired, optimistic. This year I'm hopeless. I hate when people tell me happiness is a state of mind. It doesn't feel like it's even an option. I've just pulled away from everyone so they don't have to see me irritated psychotic and depressed. No one knows but me. Unless my lack of participation says anything. If anyone asks I just say I'm miserable.