I’m in my second semester of a 5-year PhD program, and due to my disabilities (Bipolar Disorder, GAD, and OCD) I recently got accommodations for a reduced course load for financial purposes (aka I can take fewer than required courses and still keep my TAship), since whenever I take the full course load it ultimately leads to me being in the hospital. However I was told today that since taking fewer courses per semester would “not be making sufficient progress towards my PhD”, I would have to drop down to the Masters program, unless I started taking a full courseload again. A representative from the Student Disability Center who sat in on the meeting had absolutely nothing to say about it, so I suppose on their end there’s nothing they can/will do about it.

It’s just so frustrating - just because I have a disability that doesn’t allow me to take on the same amount of stressors as the average person, I’m not allowed to continue in the program. That’s like someone with a prosthetic leg being told they’re not allowed to run a marathon. I feel like if it were a visible/non-mental disability the program would be more accommodating. But apparently (and I did bring up disabilities and the purpose of accommodations) they won’t accommodate my disability in this way. Maybe I’m too naive, but I’m extremely disappointed in my school and in the world we live in, in general. I thought we were making progress towards leveling the playing field so that all types of people have similar opportunities. But I guess in reality that’s just not how the world works, and it really sucks.

Edit: I did offer to self-fund after 5 years and the answer was still essentially no. The issue seems to be that part-time is just not an option, as I “signed a contract for a 5-year program”. Basically it comes down to the fact that they’re making me do a minimum number of credits a semester to stay in the program, and that’s not a number I can safely meet.

The program is super flexible so the timing of courses really shouldn’t be an issue - there are only 3 required courses and I’ve taken all but one, which is offered every year - and the rest are up to your area of focus.

And I wouldn’t be working less, I’d still work the normal full TAship hours, so I’m not being unfairly paid either.

I've been religiously taking all my medications and have held down a simple job, three days a week, four hours a day. I sold my $27000 financed car and set up with a credit counseling organization to pay off debt. It's been four years and the balances are zero, I even save money now and pay cash for things. My therapist said to celebrate so here I am.

BP 1 here. Dxed last year, still learning about this disaster of a disorder. What is your happy place? What gets you through? You have to be tough as shit for this mess! Mine is coloring, I know you can top that lol!!

For me it’s basic self-care. I do shower, but I hate it and it feels like a chore. Ive also tried hundreds of times to stick to a skin care routine and make sure to moisturize, but I hate the texture on my hands so I rarely do it.

Doing my hair? Pft I put that shit in a pony tail and call it a day. Brushing my teeth? I hate it. I do it but I hate it and feel absolutely miserable that the most difficult thing for me is just the literal basic things that normal people are able to do without any issues.

It frustrates me because I want to be able to do this stuff and actually stick to it, I know it’ll be good for me in the long run but fuck.. I hate putting lotion on most of all.

What about you guys? Are there any chores or tasks you find very difficult to do or get done because you just don’t want to?

Now that I think about it even though it took 24 years to diagnose. Depression though became unmanageable so eventually was diagnosed. It eventually shows its face. Just based on my lifestyle it’s apparent. Usually have a low tolerance of emotional distress.

I have been going through many bad things recently.

Many really unpleasant and horrible events.

I hate everything and I hear text message alarms some times.

I once heard loud humming during science class.

Do you think depression can cause auditory hallucination? I would love to hear your personal opinions.

I miss being a kid. Because being a kid, is being carefree, not having many responsabilities, and not being afraid of our own thoughts. I miss not being aware of some things. Of my father's addiction, of svicide...

It all went south at my parent's divorce. I was 9 back then. I started self harming. At 11, I did my first attempt. And now I learned I gotta learn to live with a sick mind for the rest of my life. So yeah, I miss it all.

But I'm not a kid anymore. I care alot, too much, all the time...I have countless responsabilities, some that shouldn't be mine...And a mind that never lets silence take place. I don't have a second of peace, my mind is in constant stimulation.

I wonder what the 8 year old me would think of me now, the little girl who didn't yet know how cruel the world was. Would she be grateful, for me still being alive despite it all? Would she be mad for all the lines I took? Would ahe be upset for each scars I've drawn on myself?

All those questions will stay unanswered. Because that kid doesn't exist anymore. All there is left of her, is some unconsious yet consious body.

Are there any people out there who are not on meds and don’t go to therapy like me? How are you all doing right now in life? Is this method sustainable? Any general advice?

I am pretty much graduated university now! This last year was so hard to get through, I almost dropped out multiple times, almost ended my life multiple times, I definitely dropped the ball and am passing with a much lower grade than first year me would have hoped but with everything happening I'm really proud of myself. I needed a big win and this is it!

I’ve been through 4 manic episodes and 4 depressive crashes since 2013. My first mania was violent—spiritual delusions, grandiosity, reckless behavior. I ended up crashing a motorbike and injuring four people in 2019 mania. That was the moment my life split in two: before bipolar, and after.

The trigger? A manipulative narcissist who was once my mentor and boss. He psychologically groomed me for over a decade—gaslighting, love-bombing, controlling every move I made under the guise of support. I gave him loyalty, work, and trust. He gave me trauma. When I finally broke down, he vanished without a word.

I’m now 35, married with two daughters, and the sole breadwinner in a culture that doesn’t believe bipolar is real. Where “mental illness” is just a label for madness. My own family and friends quietly distanced themselves—some out of fear, others out of shame. I’ve been called crazy, possessed, overdramatic. People don’t see the illness—they only see the chaos it causes.

Mental healthcare here is either in its infancy or brutally expensive. It took years to even find a diagnosis that fit. I’m on a cocktail of medications just to function, and each month is a tightrope walk between stability and collapse. One missed pill or a bad week at work or even a sleepless night and I feel like I’m back at square one.

Every day, I fight to show up—for my wife, for my girls, for my dignity. I work a full-time job, commute hours a day, smile when I’m dying inside, and pray that I make it to next week without unraveling.

I don’t want sympathy. I just want awareness. Narcissistic abuse is real. Bipolar disorder is not a joke. And in societies where mental illness is taboo, people like me are burning alive in silence.

If you’re going through something similar—know this: you are not weak, and you are not alone. You’re just carrying a storm no one else can see.

it was so scary, it came out of nowhere and was uncontrollable, almost as if a demon was possessing me.

thankfully i didn’t take it out on other people (and thankfully i had insight during my anger & knew how ridiculous and out of character it was for me) but now that it’s passed i feel like a fucking evil out of control monster. my worst fear is hurting others, i could care less about my own life.

why god, why did this disorder have to happen to me. i want this pain to end. i want a normal brain. i want my life back

i recently posted about how i’m seeking to start medication and i’m just so depressed rn idk if i can’t wait until my intake appointment. i’m so miserable, i can’t live like this for 3 more weeks. i don’t know how to manage for the time being. one things sets me off and i just cry and feel like the world is crashing onto me for hours, and it’s every day.

So I just got back from being on vacation for the past 6 days. I wanna stay I started becoming hypo manic around day 2. Long story short, I spent over $1,000 in that 4 day period on impulse buys. I got 3 tattoos, a sword, and a shit ton of junk food I wouldn’t normally get. I’m pretty sure I’m coming down because I’ve been sleeping 10-12h for the past few days and I feel like there’s a giant weight on my chest.

Essentially my question is: Does anyone have any advice on how to identify and then subdue a manic episode while it’s happening or are we all just relying on post-mania clarity to set out the lil fires we made after the fact?

I don’t usually post on here but I read a lot of posts and find them extremely relatable and helpful in navigating my own issues with this disorder. Recently I have had a very negative string of experiences with my treatment team that is leaving me feel like I need to take things into my own hands and I wanted to hear other’s experiences with this.

First off my therapist ghosted me and I have not heard from him in 3 weeks or so. We had been working together for over a year and had a good relationship. This left me more disappointed than worried or scared because he wasn’t that great of a therapist but he was what I got at the time due to financial and insurance limitations.

My psych provider works within the same community mental health agency and I feel like she is completely ignoring my concerns. Since upping my dosage on an antipsychotic I have been having extreme restless panic attacks where I can not sit still, can barely breathe, and have intrusive thoughts of doom right before falling asleep. No coping skill works. I have called her two times this month for a med adjustment and described the symptoms stating this state is making me suicidal because of how unbearable it is. Her solution is to up an anxiety medication that I told her many times does not work. I have since stopped that medication and have not went into that state but it has not been very long so I am still a little anxious about any withdrawal effects from stopping the antipsychotic that may come.

Overall I just feel very lost and feel like I’m being robbed of stability by being prescribed medications that make me worse and then not being heard and ignored while suffering and asking for help. I am a licensed therapist and would never ghost my client. I understand the need for medication and shouldn’t have to go rogue and try and manage this myself. The only solution I can think of is to work on finding a different provider? I am writing this just to vent I guess because it’s not like I have a therapist anymore and also to see what anyone has done in a similar situation.

Hi everyone, I’m M(23) and I was prescribed an antipsychotic in June of 2023. Around November 2023, I noticed I had started gaining weight, but nothing severe. January 2024, I gained almost 20lbs in the month, and in the following months continued gaining weight until I weighed around 40lbs more than my original weight. This past February 2025, I went off of the antipsychotic as per my psychiatrists orders. Shortly after, I noticed I was losing weight, and then 3-4 weeks later I had lost over 30 lbs. This just seems like a significant amount of weight I. Such a short period of time, not sure if anyone else has had something like that happen or not, just want to make sure I’m not overreacting.

I’ve been hyperfixated on GTA Online for a month now, and I can confidently say this is mania. Before I started playing, I had a decent body clock. I could sleep and would naturally feel tired after being awake for more than 12 hours. But right now, I sleep in the afternoon and usually only for 2 to 5 hours. There were about three days when I managed to sleep 8 hours, but that’s it. Like today, it’s 3 pm and still haven’t slept since yesterday. My relationship is starting to fall apart because of all this. I can’t even process my thoughts anymore, and I’ve been lashing out at my boyfriend whenever he tries to open up. What really confirms that I’m not okay is the fact that I don’t even feel scared at the thought of him breaking up with me even though I do love him.

I also lost 7 kg in just a month. I’m neglecting myself right now, and I keep telling myself I’m “rawdogging life” for not going back to therapy. PLEASE, please, please give me a reason to seek professional help again. I’ve been unmedicated for six months now.

I really want to go back to school. In the past year, I have just mostly visited doctors, sat at home and watched tv shows. I completed undegraduation in engineering and it was so tough for me. I was having anxiety attacks every other days. My bipolar was very visible to everyone.

I want to go back. I am afraid that medication and the study gap (for almost 3 years) has changed my brain and I will not be able to keep up.

I do not want to lose this opportunity again. Years of my life are just going by.

What do you do for exercise to stay in shape? I have been struggling to find a workout routine to get in shape and I thought I'd ask others who take meds what are your exercise routines?

What time do you workout?

It’s been over a year since I’ve last had a depressive episode. Maybe almost two.

But i can feel it. I can feel that deep drag from the pit that is never ending. I’m on that tip and at any moment i just feel like i will finally fall, and im not sure if being on the edge of a depressive episode is worse or being in one.

I promise im fine. I am not going to harm myself. I just need to express this.

I feel the heaviness of my body. I feel the pull back into bed. I just want to be alone, but I don’t.

I’m just laying here in bed right now next to my partner and i just feel like im not actually here. It’s been so long since I’ve had an episode that I’m just having all of these thoughts and emotions at once and i want to vomit.

I know I’ll be okay. I know it won’t last forever. I know I’ll be able to drag myself out… but god is it scary knowing that it’s the beginning and i don’t know when it will end.

I’m curious what other people do when manic or hypomanic unless you aren’t that impulsive like me. I feel like i have a mild form of hypomania so yeah.

i haven’t done much im not really that impulsive. I cut my hair and ended up stealing peoples bins and running off with them 😅

I know for a fact it does have an effect on your menstrual cycle if you have any mood disorder, but how do you guys feel it affects yours specifically?

For me I get really bad PMS, really bad irritability, it can most of the time trigger a depressive episode, suicidal thoughts and the lot. Very rarely does it go to the manic route but when it does it's really messy, not the deep-cleaning the house and throwing out the garbage type but the spending all my money and stealing things kind.

A "fun" added plus is the obsession I've had since I was 8 yo (I have OCD) is that I'm pregnant even though I know there's not really a chance, so the days surrounding my period are me just sitting and waiting just to be sure I'm not pregnant lol

I'm starting to lose hope. I've been diagnosed with Bipolar 1 about 4 months ago, but it has been confirmed by my psychiatrist that my first manic episode was in March 2024.

I was never a 'normal' kid. First attempt at 11, addiction at 13...I can't recall the last time I was truly happy.

The closest I got to happiness, is mania. Because yes, everytime I put myself in danger, each nights I spend up writing...I enjoy it. When I'm manic, it's a whole another me...An another me that I prefer over my everyday self.

And even then, I always get that feeling that there's a price to pay, to get joy. Because each time I have a good day, or just a good time, something ruins it. And each time I'm manic, there's the aftermath. The guilt, the embarrassement...

Bipolar 1. I went off my antipsychotic 5 days ago after weaning with the ok from my psych - the reason is that I’ve been experiencing possible med-induced tardive dyskinesia/eyelid spasms for the past 2 years. It’s truly debilitating.

I’ve been talking with my support network about contingency plans for mania/psychosis.

Here’s what I’ve done to plan in advance of any potential episode: * written a draft message to send to my psych in the event of low-level behavioral red flags * told close friends major red flags to monitor for and told them my provider office and practitioner name (still haven’t submitted release of information form for psych to talk to my friends about me if needed)

My question is: how do you take your support network’s predetermined advice seriously if you are manic/psychotic? My therapist said if I’m not in a state to actively send my psych the draft message myself when I’m low-level problematic, it should be considered an emergency and I should get taken to the ER. I can see myself dismissing or resisting that kind of advice/action. Denial is a scary possibility.

hi everyone is there any films or movies where bipolar disorder is depicted accurately? i'm not talking Ian's character arc in Shameless but more of a accurate day to day life type of thing.

After a crazy life, I finally stabilized and started my life again 2 years ago, I started in college again and a few days ago, it struck again, maniac, insomnia, fast thinking, difficulties in focus, weird thoughts…on finals week, I haven't slept or eat in days, I just don't know what to do…