r/books • u/[deleted] • Aug 21 '16

One of the most powerful descriptions of suicide I've ever read. David Foster Wallace - Infinite Jest

"The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling."

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u/[deleted] Aug 21 '16

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u/lawschoollorax Aug 21 '16

You win everyday!!

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u/[deleted] Aug 21 '16

[deleted]

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u/Skia0 Aug 22 '16

Hope things become better for you. I have been in a similar scenario before, so I know how you feel.

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u/SwervyNinja Aug 22 '16

I have not been suffering with depression and being suicidal as long as you have...mine started at age 10 and I am 20 now. I know everyone says just pm me if you need to talk, but seriously if you ever need to talk just send me a pm, or call me on Skype my name is SwervyNinja on Skype. If you decide you want to talk I will also pm you my phone number. It is nice to talk to someone that, even just a little, knows what you are going through.

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u/MackTuesday Aug 21 '16

Every day you survive is a big "fuck you" to your demons. Fuck them.

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u/[deleted] Aug 21 '16

True, but they're right there when you wake up. Sometimes they're what wake you up at 12:01 to say, "Morning fucker! You get to face yet another 24 hours of this. Fuck me?!? Fuck you."

Being in nature helps, for me at least. Far away from people, actually alone. Mountain tops are a great place to gain perspective.

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u/MackTuesday Aug 21 '16

I hear you. I know what I said didn't help much. It's just something someone said to me that helped a little. Shrug.

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u/Cpt_Tsundere_Sharks Aug 21 '16

Don't literally though. I hear that causes loss of soul. Never want to lose jazz.

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u/Zagstrug Aug 22 '16

Yeah same, like on the rare occasions where something really good happens or that I have a really good day, its always comforting to think: "Hey good thing I kept going 3 months ago, otherwise I wouldn't have been here today."

Just hard to see ahead when you're caught constantly introspecting and worrying about how shitty things currently are, but winning small battles on the daily are what keep us here, my friend.

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u/ClassySavage Aug 22 '16

I'm glad that works for you, keep it up!

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u/Zagstrug Aug 22 '16

Thank you :D you too <3

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u/ISEEYOO Aug 21 '16

You're a winner, Harry.

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u/gcbeehler5 Aug 22 '16

Bro - keep at it. Seriously, it's worth it.

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u/[deleted] Aug 22 '16

[deleted]

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u/gcbeehler5 Aug 22 '16

Good. I really hope you figure it out. Seriously. There is a lot of beauty in this world.