r/family • u/Infamous_Wish_3248 • 4d ago
Should i cut connections with aunt and grandma who have only brought me trauma and isolated me and devalued me as a person when im older (moved into my own house, own control).
Hi, Ever since year 7, I've been constantly bullied in class and shamed for being too "quiet" and it really didnt have much of an effect on me until now. Now that I'm older and my self-esteem has gotten better after nearly 6-7 years of constant abuse (from family members, literally childhood friends, classmates, and EVEN MY OWN FRIENDS), I've had the time to recover from the shitty environment because I've essentially cut off most of my friends and my abuser (aunt) stopped bullying me after I had a massive breakdown and started crying (even then she legit came up to me and was rubbing my back and smiling and laughing like it was something funny. By the way, she never apologised and my mum just let it all happen.). I've probably been abused by like 3 or 4/5ths of the people I got to know which genuinely sounds crazy but I am being so fucking honest, it probably is that number. As you read this post, you can tell my mind is all over the place. For fuck sake, i literally made a different and new account just to avoid anyone I know recognising me. Everything I say is genuine and not one of those fiction posts you get from randos. But I just want to get this off my chest, my Aunt would randomly start belittling me in academics when i was younger, probs since i was 7 years ld, (such as ask me if i read the newspaper and then quiz me on that despite having two others brothers, who she didnt ask the same question to.). Also I need to mention my Aunt is a fucking idiot and scored low in high school and tried to act like she was a top achiever when she was a child and she was legit belittling me because of her massive ego. So the aunt and my grandmother would constantly seperate me from my other two brothers in my childhood (and even now), and my dad would frequently tell me since I was like 6 years old (I'm pretty sure) that they are trying to belittle me and isolate me because I looked like him and I was a bit more quiet than the rest of the kids.
So i was dealing with all this fuckery from a young age, although my aunt and grandma didn't turn that toxic back then, the hatred was there from a young age. But anyways, I can still remember when my aunt would legit call my name randomly and start smiling and laughing out loud. This all started when I was laughing with my brother and then I think she thought i was laughing at her, so she called me "very shy", which i was a bit humiliated and embarrased by, but not offended AT THE TIME. But then right after that, the next time we met (my mum forces us to meet the aunt and grandma once a week), she would randomly come up to me and start belittling me (she wasn't keeping her messages hidden anymore, just blatant disrespect which really shocked me and genuinely caught me off guard). Anyways she would just keep belittling and disrespecting me and trying to push me down and make me feel like a failure and devalue me. Literally devalued who i was a person and was doing that via laughing and mockery. I genuinely don't understand why she even bears that type of hatred towards me when i did nothing to her. But she kept at it for like a year i think before i finally broke down (already explained it im pretty sure, so im prob not gonna repeat it again), btw i never got my apology for anything, she literally refused that it happened, but im pretty sure she told my other family members and they also talked shit about how i was "too shy" or "too quiet".
Anyways, after this, I just didn't talk to her much (we still had to go to her house or she came to ours once a week, I don't even know why when they openly try to disrespect my mum (my mum is a pushover and lets this shit happen) and yet my mum still screams at us to go there when we refuse. But however, i did my year 12 and got my grades a few years back and it was within the top 2% of the state and then i suddenly got a text from my aunt saying "congrats son", and the entire thing felt so awful and fake to me. She rejected me for so many years and now she wants to claim me as her son because I proved her wrong and I actually did well in my academics?? By the way, there is a lot of other toxic shit they did but I cant be bothered listing so many things in one post and it would take ages to write up and i also have uni assignments due soon so i should prob get to it ;-;.
Anyways, I'll get to the point, this vent sorta eases my trauma but I also want to ask a question, once I leave the house and find a gf, should I just completely cut connections with my Aunt and grandma? I won't announcement my cutting of connections but just don't talk to them. I'm just worried it will hurt my relationship with my mum (btw my grandma doesn't like my mum at all and apparently they fight a lot because my grandma wants to hurt my mum. But my mum isn't very smart and incredibly egotistical (think she is always right) and is brainwashed by her dad (who passed away a few years ago) to always do what their family says (literally scammed so much money off my mum and used her via debt, but she doesn't get it and i cbf getting into it). If I cut ties with my grandma and aunt, i think my mum will cut ties with me despite knowing what the fuck is going and being aware of it because she was literally trained to believe and support their family before ours (she literally firmly stated they were more important than anyone else and me and my brothers and dad come after them in importance).
OP; should i cut connections with aunt and grandma who have only brought me trauma and isolated me and devalued me as a person when im older (moved into my own house, own control).
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u/Born_Day381 4d ago
What kind of question is this? Yes, from what the post says, possibly yes.
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u/Infamous_Wish_3248 4d ago
idk im just having doubts man, they've known me my entire life and we would visit each other every week and shit. also my mums emotionally tie with them is rlly strong although they dont feel the same with my mum, and i don't want to lose my tie with my mum (who is very stubborn/unpredictable).
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u/Born_Day381 4d ago
Why would you lose your bond with your mother? That's literally not their problem, plus at least you've expressed your feelings to your mother, right.
I don't think your mother will pressure you if you don't want to see your aunt and grandmother.
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u/RandChick 4d ago
constant abuse (from family members, literally childhood friends, classmates, and EVEN MY OWN FRIENDS),
If everyone is the problem, you're the problem.
Too sensitive? Too weak? These are things you can continue to work on so you can present yourself in a way that demands respect.
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u/Infamous_Wish_3248 3d ago
Damn ok. I'm not sure how to present myself as less "weak". Should I start being more aggressive verbally when someone tries to mock me. They say I am quiet despite the fact that I try to talk with people a lot and idrk what to do in this situation but ty for ur opinion
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