r/findomsupportgroup • u/beeinatrenchcoat67 • 1d ago
Question/Need Advice Messaging subs? Yay or Nay?
Saw a post today mentioning how dommes should take more charge in messaging subs cuz we missing out on possible subs. Ik a lot of dommes tend to be very opposed to being the first to message since subs tend to dislike getting reached out to so this made me curious. What do yall think, as a domme how often would u say u message subs (if at all) and if not why are u opposed to the idea? Also if any subs are lurking, do yall actually mind getting messaged or ignore dommes who do and prefer to seek them out on ur own?
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u/Prudent-Arachnid-878 1d ago
Yes message them anyone who says anything otherwise either doesn’t get sent enough or doesn’t have enough subs. With the right approach you can make almost anyone fold
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1d ago
Being a sub, I find it so damn hot seeing a woman in my messages, it’s like she chose a guy to ruin and she’s after that lol. The “I want it, I got it” attitude is hot and sexy. Please approach someone if you like.
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u/paykai 1d ago
I do not message subs first ever. They reach out because they want to send to you, not the opposite.
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u/MistressGxxx 15h ago
Not always the case :) I’ve had plenty of subs that wanted to serve but were too scared to message first so instead spammed my likes and ended up taking thousands off them
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u/Gothiccc_Goddess_ 1d ago
if i see a sub posting in paypigsneedvanilla or fetishwantads or something i will reach out to them. because i know they are looking and want to be reached out to. other than that though i tend to try and let them come to me!
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u/beeinatrenchcoat67 1d ago
Ah ok makes sense!! I’ll have to look at those pages:))
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u/Gothiccc_Goddess_ 1d ago
once you have 500 karma you can respond to posts in paypigsneedvanilla just so you know. idk the amount for the other group i still haven't gotten there yet 😅
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u/beeinatrenchcoat67 1d ago
Oh i didn’t know that thanks for the heads up!!😭still a way to go then
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u/Gothiccc_Goddess_ 1d ago
just comment on everything you can!
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u/beeinatrenchcoat67 1d ago
It’s 500 karma combined or 500 comment karma specifically?
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u/Gothiccc_Goddess_ 1d ago
combined. actually it might be like 490 or something wierd, because i think i noticed i could comment when my combined was at like 497
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u/meetyournewprincess 1d ago
I don't have a problem messaging first. There's a lot of Dommes out here so all I can do is put myself out there and have them look at my profile. They can decide if they want to talk to me or not🤷🏽 But like others have said, be respectful about it. Most men don't respond well to being spoken down to right off the bat without talking about boundaries and limits first
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u/vampiiremoney Domme 1d ago
I have no problem making the first move if someone catches my interest. But if you’re just DMing everyone and trying to dom them off the bat then you’re just a clown
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u/Weird_Passion7154 1d ago
I would message a sub first in the rignt circumstance because i know what i want and i know im 1) Age Verified and 2) can prove im authentic through various different platforms.
I prefer to be approached but also know what i want. Go get em girl💙
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u/casualg0ddess 1d ago
i feel like making the first move is a good show of confidence and dominance myself 🤷♀️ assuming you're not just saying sEnD L00s3r 💸💸💸 like a fucking clown lol nothing sexier to me than someone that is straight up abt who they are and what they want!
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u/beeinatrenchcoat67 1d ago
Oh yeah I def wouldn’t be sending messages like that💀but honestly a lot of ladies are giving me a more positive perspective on messaging so I prob will!:))
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u/Positive_Emu_3856 1d ago
Speaking as a submissive, and a very shy one, I enjoy getting messages from assertive Ladies. I find it incredibly hard to send the first message, I struggle with nervousness which is increased when trying to talk to controlling Ladies. Getting a message from such a Lady fills me with fear but also an overwhelming sense of gratitude and a strong desire to please.
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u/beeinatrenchcoat67 1d ago
I appreciate u taking the time to respond on ur perspective of this! Def helps cuz I feel like I so many subs in the paypigs support group hate dommes dming but glad to know there’s still hope in finding those who are waiting for the opposite. I have heard paypigs get a lot of scam dms tho, if u have a flood of them, do u tend to avoid certain ones or like how do u decide who to respond to?
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u/Positive_Emu_3856 1d ago
I think the scammers are easy to spot, they cannot hold a conversation, are really not dominant and make unrealistic financial demands straight from the off.
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u/beeinatrenchcoat67 1d ago
Ah okok that’s good then cuz yeah I lowkey was opposed to being the first to message cuz I kinda figured all subs would just mark all dms as scams and not really bother with them since I kept hearing about it through the paypig group.
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u/iam2curious 1d ago
I think it depends on the sub and how you do it and when you approach.
Some subs definitely like to be hunted and don't mind being messaged first. Some just prefer to do the first move.
But definitely don't message with the generics, they didn't consent to that.
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u/Positive_Emu_3856 1d ago
You should do exactly as you please, if you wish to message first then do so. You are clearly not one for scams, your intelligence and natural dominance clearly shone through in your words.
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u/bossbbw Cashmistress 1d ago
I dm subs on my active findom acct. no problem With it at all. Dominance isn’t defined by others.
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u/beeinatrenchcoat67 1d ago
Is ur active acc on Reddit?
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u/bossbbw Cashmistress 1d ago
Yeah. I’m just banned on this subreddit with that acct
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u/vampiiremoney Domme 1d ago
Okay maybe don’t say that out loud in here if you dont want this acc banned too 😭
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u/beeinatrenchcoat67 1d ago
Ah okok makes sense! How often would u say u dm and how often is it successful?:)
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u/bossbbw Cashmistress 1d ago
Ive DMd maybe 5x and got a result maybe 2x. So it’s not a guarantee but its 2 more than I would’ve
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u/beeinatrenchcoat67 1d ago
The odds aren’t horrible tho so guess that’s good!:)
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u/bossbbw Cashmistress 1d ago
One became a good friend and whenever we discuss Nicki Minaj (who I got him into) he asks for song recommendations. When I give him them he pays about 10-15 now. He paid for my lunch today
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u/beeinatrenchcoat67 1d ago
Ah that’s so nice!!! I’m glad to hear good came out of that. I’ll prob start testing my odds then lol.
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u/princessxmo0nie 1d ago
I have no problem messaging subs. If anything it reinforces the idea that I always get what I want.
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u/beeinatrenchcoat67 1d ago
I like that way of thinking. How do u go about deciding which subs to message and what do u tend to say? I have yet to be the first to message so I’m debating being more open to the idea of it. Just don’t know where to start.
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u/princessxmo0nie 1d ago
Here’s a good example:
A sub posted that he was drunk and wanted to relapse. I messaged him and asked him what his drink of choice is lol.
It can really be simple and playful, it doesn’t have to be “send me money” right away. Some dommes see that as a waste of time but I’m a rational human being and I know that at the end of the day, even if nothing comes about the encounter right away, I’m networking and building connections.
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u/beeinatrenchcoat67 1d ago
That’s def a good way to see things! I think I’ve just seen so many conflicting ideas that I’ve kinda tried to stick myself in the “only findom talk” mindset but yeah I suppose seeing it as networking and getting to know through conversation beforehand might help. Do u tend to only ask AV and tribute after an agreement?
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u/princessxmo0nie 1d ago
Typically yes. I keep things very light and playful in the beginning, and once I see that the sub is dead serious, I ask AV and ask them to send something. But see, I’ll take a $10 send. I am not picky and I don’t NEED the money. It literally just makes my pussy throb when it gets sent to me, no matter the amount (though under $10 cringes me out tbh lmao). I honestly think some subs appreciate when a domme reaches out to them, too. It gives them that dopamine hit when they get attention without having to work like a dog for it. And typically it makes them just a bit more pliable for me lol.
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u/bossbbw Cashmistress 1d ago
Just approach them. Like, “hey”. If you’ve seen them in PPSG even easier. Just make it about their post
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u/beeinatrenchcoat67 1d ago
So would u say u have casual conversation then bring up the idea of them being ur sub or just go into like “I liked ur response, would u like to discuss a findom relationship together?”
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