Yesterday I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. I never said yes, but I also never said no. He took off my clothes and didn’t wait for me to say yes/no. He just did what he wanted, no condom. After maybe 4 minutes I told him to stop because I didn’t feel good, but he shook his head and said “No, let me finish.”, or something along the lines of that, most of it was a blur. After begging him to stop a few times I pushed him off of me, took my clothes from the floor and ran to my bathroom. He left while I was in the bathroom and we haven’t talked since. I now feel very uncomfortable in my own room since it happened on my bed, and in my own skin I feel gross. I just want to know, would this be considered sa/rape? Thank you to anyone who answers.

I dont know what to do. my dad keeps telling he cant wait till im 16 so he can "deflower" me. Im scared because i want to tell my mom but i know she's going to leave him BUT if she does leave him we're not going to have money anymore so i feel like im trapped. He has touched me before, in my uhm chest area, my butt, and erm you know i thought he wouldnt go that far but he touched my privates too. him touching me were from his "special tickle" he used to tickle my back when i was younger but when he does it now there's always some groping, and when i push his hand off he still does it. I keep telling myself "im gonna push him away and leave" but i end up freezing, just accepting it. during one phone call he said something along the lines of "i wanna put my big dic in ur tight pusy" so yeah weirdo alert wtf?? hes been sending me money recently and i think thats manipulation right there, he'll be like "i gave you all that money and you cant even give me this?" also I remember myself saying like "im your daugher" and he told me it doesnt matter then he said smth about adam and eve... Also might i add he's religious RAHHH i dont get it though how can you be religious and act like a creep towards ur own CHILD. I'll also add that he lives in another country, hes working there and he only comes home like once a year. PLEASE help me guys idk what to do. I think if he does rape me or whatever i might kill myself cause I wouldn't be able to handle it, i mean if i cant even handle him simply touching me HOW can i handle this? its disgusting and that will be my breaking point and im scared. Another story: me and my family were visiting him and i was lying on the bed and he came and lay down on my chest then said "so soft, like two pillows" i got up IMMEDIATELY what a fucking creep, my brother was on the bed too idk if he heard. Is it weird that he put his head down on my chest??? Anyway what can i do? is there even anything to do? He's like our provider and my mom has no work. :(( if u read this far thank u, i needed to rant aswell. this all started when i was 11-12 it was subtle at first but now im getting tired of it, i just wish i had a normal dad who i can be comfortable with.

Last weekend I was sexually assaulted by a friend who I knew for 1 year and trusted. He admitted what he did on text and the last text I sent him was how much it impacted me and what he did was wrong. I blocked him and we haven’t spoken since. I reported it to the police on Tuesday.

Throughout this week I’ve gone from hysteria, dissociation, feeling confused, feeling betrayed, panic, terror, flashbacks, anger, sorrow, hopelessness and feeling like it’s the end of my life. This is my 3rd sexual violence police report. I’m exhausted. It happened as a child, last year by a stranger and now by a friend i trusted.

Today, I’m feeling waves of sadness but also regret about reporting it because i miss the person he was before he did that. I miss the friend. I’ve lost a friend. What he did was disgusting and absolutely wrong no doubt. But now my brain is telling me I miss him and I feel sick.

Has anyone experienced this?

Hi everyone, I’m really struggling to understand what happened to me, and I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if this was actually a violation. I’d really appreciate some honest feedback.

I was with a guy I had been seeing, and before we went to sleep, we had some foreplay, but I told him I didn’t want to have sex because I was tired. He accepted it, and we just did other things before going to bed.

Then, at around 4:30 AM, I was still half-asleep when he started touching me and fingering me. I wasn’t fully awake, and I wasn’t reacting much. He took my hand and put it on him so I would masturbate him, but I wasn’t really engaged in it—I was just doing it automatically. Then he asked, “Can I f*** you?” I tried to say yes, but I was so exhausted that I just mumbled something like “mmmhm.” I remember that he looked away right after that and started looking for a condom. It felt like he had already decided and didn’t even wait for a proper answer.

Once he was inside me, I quickly realized that I was too tired to participate. I told him, “I can’t do anything, I’m too tired.” Instead of stopping, he just said, “Yeah, I can see that,” and changed my position so I wouldn’t have to move. I stopped trying to feel pleasure and just let him finish. At the end, he said, “I finished quickly because I saw you were tired,” and I actually thanked him, as if I was relieved that it was over and I could go back to sleep.

There was also a moment where he was behind me, holding my wrist so tightly that it actually hurt, but I didn’t say anything because I was too exhausted to react. When I went to the bathroom afterward and looked at myself in the mirror, I felt something was wrong—I felt empty—but I still went back to bed like nothing had happened.

The next day, I didn’t immediately feel bad about it, but when I told my friends, they said it was rape. At first, I didn’t believe them because he wasn’t violent, and I didn’t explicitly say no. But as I keep replaying the situation in my head, I realize I didn’t want it, I was exhausted, I wasn’t engaged, and he knew I was too tired to participate. Now, I feel sick thinking about it, and even remembering our consensual moments makes me feel disgusted.

I don’t see him as a bad person, and I don’t think he intended to hurt me. But does intention matter? If I didn’t actively want it and wasn’t in a state to consent properly, was it rape? I feel so lost and guilty for even questioning this. I don’t want to exaggerate or use a word that feels too strong, but I also don’t want to downplay what happened.

If anyone has experienced something similar or has thoughts on this, I would really appreciate your perspective.

A few years ago I was SA’d by someone who I thought was my friend.

Everywhere he touched is ruined. My thighs feel as though they are infected. Why am I dealing with the consequences of his actions? My experience is going to follow wherever I go in life. How am I going to break this to my future partner, friends, coworkers, colleagues? I feel like I’m being dramatic as it wasn’t rape and I know others have it worse and I don’t want to detract from other’s experiences, but he touched me over and over again in private places. I blame myself for the incident as I was the one that became friends with him. I was the one that was too shy to stand up for myself.

I hate knowing that the incident will always be a part of my past and no amount of denial will change what happened.

Hey, this happened when I was really young but spanned through basically 8 years of my life when I was still living with my older sister.

I would typically sleep in her bed sometimes because I enjoyed how the sensatioon of how she would scratch my back and rub my legs to make me fall asleep faster. The problem was that she always demanded that I do the same for her. Cuddling she called it. Keep in mind I was eight, she also mainly sleept naked, so I was in no way comfortable with it. But being eight I had no way to articulate it, I just didnt want to. So I told her as much every time, to which she would puff but typically not make a big deal out of it. The problem started when she started becoming more desperate for it, when she started to make everything about it. Like when she did me a favour she made me promise that I would cuddle with her, to which I would nod to get her off my back and always manage to weessle my way out of it because I pretended to fall asleep and or sleept on the sofa instead or with my mother. It got to the point where one time she got so mad she called me lazy and inconsiderated because she was always doing so much for me while I couldnt do this one simple thing. Its mabye important to mention that this behaviour spammed over the course of six years, even before I was eight we were cuddling. And she would also smack and sqeuzze my butt, even though I admit I sometimes laughed and joined in to the joke most of the times I expressed my clear discomfort at her doing so and she would always brush me off and laugh. Were good now but those were some weird years, years I like back on and think on how inappropriate they were actually..

It was one of my best competitions. We did so well, I was so proud. And then he had to ruin everything. He hurt me. He took my virginity. And now the best days turned into the worst. And the things he said. I am so angry or sad. Or both. I dont even know anymore. This should never have happened. I want to scream

IF YOU ARE AROUND MY AGE (MIDDLE SCHOOL-HIGH SCHOOL) AND HAVE EXPERINCED SIMILAR PLEASE DM ME I NEED SOMEONE MY AGE TO CONFIDE IN!! I got on the subway after school and it was packed hard like body to body. So ofc people are going to graze against my boobs (extremly small fully flat) and butt and thats not the assault because when it gets packed during rush hours bumping is bound to happen but after like 4-5 accident grazes by people (men and woman) who would just say "so sorry" (perfectly okay) i felt a hand graze my butt (i was like okay someone grazed me on accident again wtv) but the hand didnt move, it kept there for a second (i was like okay maybe they dont realize there hand is on my butt) so I turn around and behind me in touching distance are 3 men and 2 woman. Impossible to know who it was I just glared at them all and turned back around. The hand comes back this time its feeling around (light squeezes, gentle corresing and obviously trying to find my vag area)! At that point I was EXTREMLY frightend and didnt want to make him violent by calling him out so to try to see who it was (to report to the police at the next stop) i pretend to crack my neck so I could see behind me. The hand remained but everyone was so packed I couldnt figure out whos hand it was. At this point im freaking out than bam, he finds my vag and is pressing into it through my pants before running his finger up my crack to the waistband of my sweat pants and thats when I feel it. A tug on my underwear (this creep is pulling my panties above the waist band to see what im wearing). At that point I start disasociating and feeling like im in a really bad high. Everything feels wavy and im starting to feel sick. Then he sticks his hand down my pants ontop of my panties before quickly pulling it out and going inside of them. His hand felt so bad touching me. The doors were opening and this wasng my stop but I decided its time to get off but in the movement of people at the door i think he saw i was fixing my bag to leave and getting ready to go. So in a barbaric nature (only what I assume is to finish his wicked peversion) he shoves his finger into my butthole area (I assume trying to analy penatrate me) but I clenched causing him to be unable to enter and his finger nail dug into that area and caused bleeding). I began to move foward when he pulled both layers (pantie and sweats) down so the top of my cheeks were out Than I heard the click of a phone camera. This fucking asshole took a picture of the exosped top of my butt. I got off and still felt like I was having a bad high. I still fell that way thinking about it. I just need someone to talk to who shares similar experinces if this is you, please dm me. This whole experince feels so fake like how was it even possible the 2 ladies behind me had to have seen him expose top of my butt and take a pictur why the hell didnt they say or do anything ugh i hate living atp:(

i got assaulted as a kid for years and it wasn’t bad but sometimes now i get triggered and when im doing stuff with a guy i always feel super trapped and like im just waiting for it to be over even if it feels physically good. recently i did stuff with a guy for money and it was actually such a bad experience and i feel so disgusting and guilty. it reminded me of being sa’d as a kid bc he was being really rough. i never asked him to stop or said no so it’s not sa but i hated it. and idk how to feel better

i am so fucking depressed as i approach the day my ex raped me. i try not to give the actual day too much notice, but my mind can’t help it. plus, he’s reached out to me multiple times (one was very recently) and i think that has sent me into a spiral. it’s 2pm and im just barely getting out of bed. i don’t know how to cope. i’m trying to force myself to get out and soak in some sunshine (this is my usual routine) but im stuck on the floor writing this instead.

i think part of my depression is coming from a failed relationship attempt with a guy that i really care for. he triggered me by mistake and i went ballistic on him. ruined everything. it just feels like my assault is still ruining my life.

Yesterday I posted about the first time I got sa. The second times were my fault because I ran away from home. I was dealing with issues with my older sister. That time was awful and showed me that ppl are bad

I (14F) made a post about this a couple months ago asking if I was SA'd or was just being dramatic. I realize that I was. My "cousin" who is a couple years older touched me inappropriately. You can go read that post of you want the whole story. It happend when I was about 7 so a while ago but it still bothers me. We are very close with his family, my parents are starting a business with them. I haven't told anyone other then my two best friends. Since it's sa awareness month i've been thinking about it more and more and it just bothers me so much. Deep down I still feel like it doesn't count because it's not like I was raped or something. I have had the same bed my whole life and he did it to me on that bed. Every night I have to lay there in the same spot, thinking about what he did. It was such a long time ago I feel that no good would come out of telling my mom or counselor. My counselor might even end up telling me parents anyway. It might make them cancel there plans on the business where they have invested so much money and time. It could possibly ruin his reputation. I just don't know what to do. What if he did it to another girl? I still feel like i'm being dramatic and making a big deal out of nothing or even that it's my fault. Do I say something and possibly ruin everything for something that happened such a long time ago or do I say nothing and keep living like this? I don't know how I feel anymore.

(Posted this on r/advice but only got one response. want to get advice from people who might be able to relate. anything helps thank you!)

This happened a bit less than a week ago, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel violated. Disgusted, even. By myself, mostly.

This happened last Wednesday. I (14F) was out with one of my guy friends (13M) who I met not so long ago. Everything was fine, until we met his friends. First things first, they started asking him where did he find me, saying I’m ugly and “unfuckable”. Then, they started touching me. Not sexually, but they jokingly pushed me around and hit me (lightly), trying to intimidate me. They even insisted on showing me CP, which I found utterly disgusting, but they would insist, also thinking of and telling me porn scenarios they would do with me. Then, in a few minutes they started poking me in my pubic area with a penis-shaped keychain. That made me uncomfortable and I told him to stop, at which he poked me a few more times and asked me mockingly if it “hurt.”

At first I didn’t think of it a SA, just thinking I got harassed (not sexually). Then, when I told like 3 of my friends about it, they told me it’s SA. I can’t tell my mom. I’m too scared. I’m disgusted with the fact I didn’t walk away the second this started. Did I get SA’d…? I don’t want to believe I did.

When I was about 12 my sister (4 years older) would start suggesting sexual stuff (we also did them, on her "command") and shamed me when I said no. I was always resistant, feeling like it wasn't OK to do, disgusted by it ... She also masturbated in front of me and made me watch porn with her. She stopped when she was about 18 and got together with her boyfriend.

I'm turning 25 this year and don't know how to get over this. I have an extremely difficult family dinamic with the rest of the family. I told about the SA to my therapist but back then I didn't feel like it was SA. Now I do. I can't explain it, but I'm guessing it has to do with the complicated relationship with my sister (We recently had a huge fight including mom and I don't feel like I could ever trust them again. The fight made me realize all the complex problems we had and still have in the family and how much I don't want to be a part of the problems anymore, so I distanced myself from them, but am still working on distancing further from my sister, who calls me almost every day to "catch up".).

I have a great boyfriend now with whom I live (I'm eternally grateful for this) and it kills me that I cannot tell him avout the SA. When I told about it to the therapist, he told me that it's OK to keep some things private and I agree but I feel like it would make me feel better if I told him. Besides, idk how he'd react, but I believe he'd be supportive. I don't think he'd reject me (but who the hell knows for sure?).

Any suggestion is welcome and thanks in advance.

I reported my rapist to the police. I then learned that some of the police are rapists too. I don’t want to go through with the report because it’s re traumatizing and the woman doing the questions I don’t trust. I’m psychic and being told by my rapist I will go to prison and die a lesbian. I’m worried his prediction will in fact happen. I don’t want my rapist winning but he is backed by so many evil police women and nurses etc. I don’t believe these women will back me. I believe I’ll be imprisoned for a false “false accusation” as they call it. I’m young. I’m single. I want a future with a man and kids. I want to work. I cant because most men at my jobs sexually assault me. It’s a never ending cycle. I applied for disability allowance. The pick me women in this world would rather put me in prison after reporting his man raped me, than imprison the man who raped me. He’s a big flirt. He gets away with it. I’m Irish and this is all happened in Irish law. Any advice? Any hope? I hate how my rape experience is being handled. I’ve no protection. Nobody loves me enough to help. They’re all deluded and gaslit into normalising rape as “hook up culture” passing me around like an unpaid prostitute. It really is prostitution. My family won’t help either. My solicitor is a creep too. I’ve no faith in anyone. I might fee the country to anyone who accepts the Irish as a refuge. This country is filled with rapists walking freely. Look at Conor McGregor for example.

I’m 18F and when I was 14 the rape and sexual assault started to happen. It started when I went to a new school and didn’t know anyone and was a complete outcast, but this girl befriended me and she kept insisting that spend the night at her house. I did and in my sleep she raped me. She drugged me and raped me. This continued for 3 years. It stopped when I was 17. She groomed me into being in a relationship with her and she would touch me and grab my thighs at school and we go to a Christen highschool and I know she only did it so if I ever left her I’d be alone.

She would take pictures of me changing under the door and when I used the bathroom she would record it. She would stalk me and follow me around without me knowing. Still to this day she makes my life a living hell. But I feel the overwhelming need to be sexualized, I feel so empty without it, it’s like a drug I need something and I don’t want to SH because I’m one year clean, and IK apps where I’d be sexualized in a heart beat but I don’t know what to do. I just need somthing or I’ll go crazy

I don't like seeing myself as a rape survivor even though I am one and I just find it difficult to comprehend that it happened to me. I feel gross whenever I remember how I was sexually abused in my childhood so I like imagining myself as a rapist to cope and I've been imagining myself as one since I was 10 (only in cnc) and I've realized I've been imagining raping people (as in cnc play) more as of recent because I was raped again in February and which caused me more revulsion for my body because I was born female and I'm a trans male and when I was raped again I was reminded I had a female body because he groped my chest which I hate and I hate having to feel or see my female parts or anyone seeing me exposed (sorry this is turning into a long rant plz forgive me) and when he put it inside me it was like everything was mental torture and now I keep imaging myself more as a real man and a rapist. sorry if this comes across as super depraved i'm just mentally ill and this is my way of coping. also just being clear I don't actually want nor am I going to become a real rapist I just like cnc

Hi everyone, I (19F) need some clarity on a situation that’s been weighing heavily on me.

I recently met a guy (21M) during a trip. We had a mutual physical attraction and got along fairly well. Even though we had just met, he said “I love you,” which felt like love bombing—though he was drunk at the time, so I tried not to overthink it.

After the trip, we went back to our separate cities (he lives about 2 hours away by train). A few weeks later, he came to visit me, booked a hotel, and we planned to watch movies together in his room. The first night, we just watched movies and fell asleep. Nothing happened, which I was totally okay with.

However, I started feeling like the chemistry wasn’t really there, and I didn’t want to see him again. But I felt bad because he had traveled to see me, so I went to hang out with him again the next night.

That second night, we watched The Lover, which has a lot of explicit scenes. It was kind of awkward, but we laughed it off. Afterwards, we cuddled, and I could sense that he wanted to kiss me. I wasn’t really into it, so I avoided turning toward him, but he eventually lifted my face and kissed me. I didn’t really want it, but I kissed him back anyway because I felt awkward and pressured—so that part, I guess, is on me.

Things escalated really fast. He started kissing me intensely, grabbed my boobs (without asking), and undressed me down to my panties. He got completely naked too. I told him, clearly, “I don’t want to have sex.” He said “oh sorry,” but then a few seconds later he was on top of me, sucking my neck, touching my chest, and rubbing his genitals on me through my underwear. I told him “bro, slow down,” trying to cool things off, and again he apologized—but then tried to finger me, and I had to say no again.

After that, I just went silent. He asked why I wasn’t talking, and I said I was sleepy. He insisted I wasn’t, and when I didn’t respond much, he said, “You seem dead inside.”

The next morning we talked about it. He apologized again and said that, in his culture (chinese), sharing a bed usually means sex is expected. He also said that I seemed “so calm,” he assumed I was experienced, and he didn’t want me to find him boring for not trying anything.

Now I’m feeling incredibly confused. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if what happened was actually sexual assault. I didn’t scream or push him off—I was more frozen and trying to de-escalate—but I said no multiple times, and he kept crossing lines. I feel guilty too, because he spent money on me, took the train to see me, and paid for restaurants. But I also know that none of that entitles someone to my body.

I guess I’m just wondering… what is this situation? What should I do now? Has anyone been through something similar?

Thanks in advance for any insight or support.

I met my girlfriend last March (2024) and it's grown to be a great relationship. She mentioned early on that she was sexually assaulted at her College friend groups Christmas party(Dec2023). She didn't really know the guy personally, just fro sharing friends and being around each other at friendly gatherings. I've never pushed for specific details, I just know that she vas very drunk, taken into an upstairs room, sexually assaulted in some way I don't know specifics nor did I ask), and he left her there until her friend found her a little later. She also says she doesn't remember much which is understandable given the trauma and how drunk she was. However, just earlier this week, I found the guys Instagram and saw that she not only follows him, but has liked almost all of his posts(4 of them) after the Assault in December occurred, and the only one she didn't like was the one he made about that same Christmas Party where she was SA. I'm confused and don't really know how to approach this with her. I don't think she's lying about it, but it's such a confusing and shocking thing to find out and see. I've been holding onto this for a few days but I need answers and want some insight or help before I try to talk to her about this.

When I was 9 I was lonely, because of a difficult situation at home I was looking for someone to confide in. I met a guy who was supposed to be 14. At first everything was fine until he started sending me pictures of his he forced me to send mine body parts. One day we arranged to meet. When I went to his place I saw an older guy +-21 I felt scared but I didn't leave, he started touching me miraculously I managed to escape.