r/slatestarcodex • u/AutoModerator • 6d ago

Monthly Discussion Thread

This thread is intended to fill a function similar to that of the Open Threads on SSC proper: a collection of discussion topics, links, and questions too small to merit their own threads. While it is intended for a wide range of conversation, please follow the community guidelines. In particular, avoid culture war–adjacent topics.

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u/Winter_Essay3971 6d ago

What are this sub's thoughts on "how long should you stick with therapy"?

Saw someone from BetterHelp for a couple months; crap experience, felt like talking to an LLM. Now I've been seeing an independent therapist about some long-term personal issues and mild depression for about 4 months now. Not noticing myself feeling any better. I have been working through some suggestions with them (going to support groups etc) but it hasn't had much effect.

Other considerations:

  • It's 1 hour of my time per week, which requires me to make arrangements to be in a quiet and private place with reliable Wi-Fi, not make other social plans that night of the week, etc.
  • Most of my sessions consist of telling the therapist "Well I did this and it didn't work for [reasons], my emotional state is still bad" and "I can see how I wish my mind worked -- be self-accepting and emotionally stable -- but I can't get there without high doses of psychedelics"
  • I am paying $65/wk, which I am aware is a good deal but that's money I could be investing. (I'm 30 and pretty behind on saving for retirement, due to spending much of my career underemployed and also some time unemployed. I'm also not in a position to find a higher-paying job, and I don't want to work at Home Depot on the weekends just to save for retirement)
  • The days when I do feel good, it's because of things totally unrelated to my therapy goals like socializing or going on a road trip

But maybe the returns on therapy are usually long-term, and I would be shooting myself in the foot by ending it now?

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u/watermeloncholera 15h ago

I think these videos are an excellent reference/introduction for what good psychotherapy looks like. There is suffering that we can change and suffering that we cannot change. Much of the suffering that can be changed is rooted in how we exist as human subjects and how we relate to others. These are things that psychotherapy can change. Perhaps most important in therapy is being able to openly explore your feelings about the therapist and about the therapy in general. For example, how you are framing the therapy in terms of "being an inconvenience that takes up time," "look at how much I'm spending," "this whole thing might be useless," and "this is taking longer than I expected" are all probably reflective of the deeper issues which cause your depression and personal issues.

Therapy does take a long time, and it's also important that you work with a therapist who you click with (at least well enough--there is no perfect fit--and in any meaningful psychotherapy there will be times when you hate them and want to quit). They should also encourage curiosity about all aspects of yourself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNWy1ksxIDo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2Iin4f0sgI