I’m a 22 yr old female, high masking autistic, struggles making friends, with anxiety, depression, an eating disorder, and body dysmorphia. I’m only here because I don’t wanna kill my mom and dad’s little girl. Plss give me reasons to stay

In 2018 I tried to kill myself wich resulted in having both my lower legs amputated. I've tried to keep my chin up and make something of my life, but I just don't see the point in living anymore. I've thought about it for a long time and made my peace with the thought of dying. Im tired and i just want to rest.

But for me, it's I wish I was never born to begin with or I wish I was dead by now.

im so tired. im tired of always being afraid. ive kind of been planning something, i know i should ask for help, but i can't risk getting sent to the psych ward. our deductible is 4000$ dollars (yay usa health cate) and my family can't swing that right now. i don't know what to do. i might just do it. im planning on saying goodbye to my friends tommorow and Monday if i can't figure out how to get help. this is kinda just a vent srry

My own body feels like it’s violating me. Over and over and over and over and over. It’s so disgusting I want to chop my own limbs off. I can’t even wait for it to be over because it’ll still be here tomorrow and the day after and the day after that, always for the rest of my life.

Every night I beg for god for it to be over. Please I’ve tried to be a good person I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do.

I always mess up with my girlfriend and my parents. I try to improve. I try to learn but I just cant seem to do so. Im gonna commit tomorrow after school. I'll try to fix things tomorrow. I will be happy. But I will go. My mother would kill me herself if she could. And I know my girlfriend is so tired of my apologies. I want to love, but I just cant seem to be able to. I want to be normal. But Im not. I tried to embrace what I am, but nobody likes me this way. Everything feels so unnatural. I dont want to live like this. I guess it would be a great time because I just came out of an argument with my parents and my girlfriend. They all hate me right now. So that eliminates guilt. Im gonna listen to radiohead and some midwest emo artists for the last time. I cant see a future for myself. I dont know what I want to be. Im full of useless potential. Ive come to the conclusion that im not meant to be anything.

I have absolutely nothing left. I’ve been stuck with my verbally abusive mother with hardly any support for years, and I finally can’t fucking take it anymore. Either I somehow manage to get enough money to move out (all my money is going into schooling rn and I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world) or I fucking kill myself. I’m leaning towards the later currently, and my only option seems to be overdose, but it’ll take wayyy to long to do the job, and I just don’t feel ready.

Ngl I’ve backed out an embarrassing amount of times but this time feels different. I’m ready. Idek why I’m writing this ig just to say it. I know I need to write a note but i don’t have anything to say that’ll help or even matter . I am sorry for the pain I’ll cause but it’ll be better for everyone in the long run. I have a rope tied, hidden in my closet, I just have to wait until I have an hour or so by myself then I can be free. I’m excited tbh like i finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

If I was gone.. the world would keep spinning

8 billion people wouldn’t even know the difference

My family and friends would move on to live happier lives than I ever got to

My cat would forget about me

My room would be repurposed

My stuff would be lost

My pain would be noticed but soon forgotten

My bullies would rejoice

And I would be at peace

Is there ANYTHING else I can do? Suicide seems to be the only option. I want to end my life because I have an abusive partner and I feel as if I have no other choice because I have nowhere else to go. I feel stuck. I’ve been with my abusive partner since last April and he became abusive when I moved in with him and his mother a month later. He has threatened to beat me, grabbed me by the neck, grabbed me and restricted my movement against my will, threatens me, once drove the car recklessly during an argument and said if we crash it would be my fault, pushed and shoved me to the point I flew across the hallway, doesn’t care about my mental health or trauma and invalidates them by saying the worst, most unsupportive and mean things, threatens to kick me out regularly, threatens to take all my belongings, and threatened to kick me out and take everything when I confronted him about his abuse in one scenario. He got beaten up by two guys for putting his hands on me and blames me for it and says I put his life at risk. He lies and denies abusing me and tries to manipulate me repeatedly. I don’t know what to do. I was abused as a child and I feel as if getting abused is inevitable for me and due to this, I must take my own life. Is there anything else I can do? If not, I’m going to end it. I’ve been dealing with this for 11 months and I am giving up on fighting. I feel as if I’m a horrible person and that I deserve to get abused. I should take my own life as no one would care if I do it. Is there ANYTHING I can do AT ALL?

For the last 18 years I have felt trapped unloved unwanted and unseen. I’m tired of feeling this way. The world is shit, people are fake and nobody gives a fuck how loyal and genuine you are to them. I have never felt loved or valued, only used and kicked around. I have been hurt and screwed over by every single person I have ever cared about or trusted. Very very unlikely that anyone is actually going to ever see this and if you do, I’m most likely not here anymore and I’m sorry if you actually did give a shit about me. In my defense I honestly was not aware. If we have chatted on here and had some laughs at some point. I just want to say thank you for temporarily filling the void in my life and making me feel like I had someone even if it was only for just a brief interaction. See you, #spacecowboy✌️

hi friends my husband and i got into a big argument yesterday and almost ended in separation. we’re starting couples therapy bc of it but i had nightmares all night of him leaving me and im having a terrible day. i can’t stop combing over everything and ive just decided to stand by and allow him to be who he needs because it’s the least painful option rn

he was unfaithful. i forgave him. stupidly. but i don’t mean that, because unregretfully my daughter came of it :(( she turned 1 on mar 26th :(. she’s my best friend and my whole world, but i can’t be w someone who needs things and other people when that hurts me so deeply, and i can’t be alone guys :( i can’t be alone. i cant split time w my daughter w him i need her all the time i stay at home w her she’s been my daily routine for a year :(( but i can’t keep doing this :(( i know being single and alone would be best but ill never trust anyone again after all the lies and i crave being loved yall :(. i just can’t.

i dont mean it truthfully but i keep thinking about if both my daughter and i could die together right now. if we could just live forever in my car driving around our favorite rich neighborhood looking at the cacti and mountains and mansions and clouds and the music and the calmness. i just need that forever. i cant leave her snd i would NEVER hurt her EVER but i cant do this :( please i just want to be gone and free from this life and responsibility im only 23 but its too much it’s not getting any easier this world is so fucked and corrupt and :(( please

T

I’m tortured constantly in my mind and I can’t stop it because I know the ripple effect my death would have on the people around me that I love. It makes me feel like a selfish piece of shit knowing I have love and affection from so many but none of it helps ease the agony I’m constantly in. I neglect people around me that truly care about me because I’m so consumed with how badly I wish I wasn’t here. I just wish there were some way I could end it without traumatizing my loved ones and I wish their love was enough to heal how badly I want to die. Instead, I chose to be selfish and take their love for granted and tell them constantly about how much I want to die.

Why do I feel like this why why WHY?? I don’t know what I want I NEVER KNOW I NEVER KNOW. IM USELESS, IM NOT OKAY, I JUST WANNA GO SO FUCKING BAD I HAVE NO USE ON THIS EARTH IM JUST HERE. I NEVER ASKED TO BE BORN WHY AM I HERE why do I feel like this help me I’m crying so bad

And please don’t say “ur loved ones” or stuff like that. I’m tired of living for other people. I just need someone who really has reason why I should keep doing this.i really mean it, so if u have something that would makes me wanna stay, please let me know. Bc I really don’t see the point.

But can you remind me that I matter? I’ve been isolated due to chronic illness for a while and I feel like I’m dirt just watching the world spin by

I know why I'm alone, but hell if I can fix it. I'm a broken person who never functioned right in the first place.

This time I'm getting a hotel room so that I know nobody will find me. I do feel bad that I'll traumatize the staff, but I feel bad enough to do it anyway. I see no other option.

All I can think about is how hard it's gonna be to get out of where I am with my pills. Hopefully they will hand them over without a fight. They are mine after all.

That'll have to happen here in a couple of hours. I'll fight tooth and nail if I have to. I'm done with being here and being alive in general

I'm 16M and want to not exist. I don't really know how to describe it, I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. No pain and everybody forgets I existed and every trace of me vanishes. I'm starting to think more about actually committing but don't really know right now. The reason I feel this way is mainly because of my love life. I've had no one, no girl has ever liked me and it fucking hurts. I see every one of my friends and they're dating or dated or had someone like them. And my parents always asking me "are you dating anyone", "Are you taking someone to prom" "Do you want to take someone to prom?" It all just hurts and I want to be done with everything

I don’t like anyone except for my boyfriend and he’s on deployment until September.

All of the coworkers I did like quit and all the new people (managers too) are so cliquey and they literally hate me. They’re so mean. And I can’t get a new job because no one wants me. Even if I did like my job, they don’t pay me enough to live.

So really, I don’t think I even have a choice. I have to die. Soon.

I got all my supplies. It's coming on Monday. I feel good about this. I think it will work

Makes me feel like I'm already dead