r/wizardposting 36m ago

Foul Sorcery The True Ending (Fluffco Shitpost)

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Geralt is dead.

He was arguing with Intern Intern Intern...

Then he exploded

Intern: Wow. Okay, then.

Flufferson: Sliding into view WHAT HAPPENED?

Intern: I think I blew Geralt up with my mind! I'M FREE-

Flufferson: His ass exploded.

Intern: what?

Flufferson: He had an ass. It's gone now.

Intern: ...I have ass-explosion powers?

???: Ah, the classic "Ass explosion" spell. Reason my spellcasting license was taken away.

Intern: Shut the fuck up, ???. No one gives a shit what you did in co-

Two weeks later.

Flufferson: sobbing. He. He was a good man.

???: Made damn good coffee, too.

Intern Intern

Died April 5th, 2025

"Don't mess with a guy that knows Ass Explosion." - Triple-Question-Marks

uw/Complete shitpost. Not canon.


r/wizardposting 1h ago

Help! I’m trapped in the land of the far

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Upvotes

I walked for miles only for the ground beneath me to warp me back where I started, the stars rained down and started attacking me, I came across a talking pond trying to get me to swim in it so it can drown me, I was chased by a sentient barn, this place is insane and illogical!


r/wizardposting 1h ago

Foul Sorcery These fools have found my old living room set. Woe be to he who might sit in my old spot on a wizard couch.

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r/wizardposting 2h ago

The very basic map of Azeldun's home Plane

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3 Upvotes

r/wizardposting 2h ago

Lorepost 📜 Squad Hypatia

8 Upvotes

From the desk of The Emissary, Head Spymaster of Yulash-kor

Dear Lord Protector Maz and members of the Midnight Senate,

Part of my duty as spymaster includes staying up to date with the latest military developments across the realms. My agents work with our allies to coordinate strategy, with the goal of maintaining consistent security against our enemies. As of late, I've noticed a global trend towards using small teams of specialist operatives in lieu of open warfare- a sign of the times, perhaps. Yulash-kor is no stranger to these. They were undeniably effective against the Pyroclasts, United Mercenary Company, Corvus Cabal, Toras Val, and many others. Yet the mass adoption of strike teams across the realms has me reconsidering our current way of war.

There is another quirk I've noticed among our allies' strike teams. When a competent agent does not fit into a rigid command structure for any number of reasons, they're often reassigned to a sort of "misfit squad" with other such agents. These groups will be deployed on missions where their various eccentricities make them better-suited to achieving the objective than a standard strike team. Sometimes, their ranks will even include former enemies of the realms seeking redemption for their crimes.

My proposal is as follows: in addition to expanding our Special Operations department, I request your permission to form one of these "misfit squads" for our own use, composed of skilled individuals picked up from Yulash-kor's vanquished foes. I will lead the team (known as Squad Hypatia, after the noted astronomer and iconoclast) myself to ensure the operatives remain compliant. To assuage any fears you might have about recruiting defeated enemy agents to defend the Midnight Realm, I will list the picks I had in mind below.

Kalrai - Diplomacy

The nymph hydromancer Kalrai came into our custody after an attempt by the Paladins of the Divine Flame to infiltrate our ally Aliah Mistwalker's home base with a team of specialists and end her resistance. The so-called "Elementalists" employed by the despotic terror organization were repulsed and remain at large, but Kalrai was captured on the verge of death by Supreme Enginseer Reyes. After realizing what her god did to its own servants upon death, she became an apostate and dedicated her life to undoing the harm she and her erstwhile comrades visited upon the multiverse.

Kalrai's arcane abilities are noteworthy, but her true talent lies with the spoken word. In the service of the Paladins, she was a master manipulator with a knack for getting anything she wanted. However, her rejection of the Divine Flame has gone a long way towards improving her personality and how she applies her skills. The new Kalrai is humble and patient where she used to be sadistic and entitled, and she makes friends readily despite her checkered past.

Out of all the proposed operatives for Squad Hypatia, Kalrai's loyalties to Yulash-kor and the common good are the strongest. Even so, she possesses an implanted kill-switch that I will have control over in the highly unlikely event that she betrays us.

Merrick Tarn - Close-quarters Combat

General Merrick Tarn was once the foremost military leader of the Otherlund Fighters' Guild, high in the esteem of the noble courts and King Leothric himself. That all changed at the Battle of Ulm, when his army was crushed despite the use of anti-magic. Tarn was held in the dungeons of Apoapsis until he could be deported back to Otherlund at the war's conclusion. However, the kingdom collapsed upon Leothric's death, leaving Tarn a stateless prisoner of war. He was granted full Yulash-korian citizenship for his honorable conduct and settled into a simpler life.

As a man of low birth, Merrick Tarn was never inducted into Otherlund's elite Knights of the Iron Shield or even given formal weapons training. His skills are largely self-taught, and he is the master of a highly idiosyncratic style of sword combat. Tarn also prefers heavy armor and possesses a genetic resistance to dangerous magic, making him a prime candidate for Squad Hypatia's bruiser, since he can get in and out of harm's way largely without the risk of injury.

Though he is a Yulash-korian citizen, Tarn did not properly defect to magekind's side during the Fighter War. He may still harbor sympathies for the scattered remnants of the Fighters' Guild, though his behavior suggests otherwise. A psychomantic evaluation may be in order before his recruitment into Squad Hypatia.

Thantax Shadowborn - Stealth & Reconnaissance

Once, Thantax Shadowborn was a nondescript politician and umbramancer. That changed the day they joined a malignant conspiracy gnawing at the Wizard Council's heart known as the Corvus Cabal. Under the code name of "Rook", Thantax worked with organized crime to worsen the Council's growing corruption and keep his colleages' occult work a secret. When they were captured by Kaelis Maz and his allies in the wake of the Third Wizard War, they helped unmask the Corvus Cabal for good. To the best of anyone's knowledge, Thantax Shadowborn is the last living member of the conspiracy.

Thantax is not known for their charisma; a trait that has not improved with prison time. However, their affinity for umbramancy, underworld contacts, and general skill at staying hidden makes them an appealing member of Squad Hypatia. It's my belief that Thantax's unpleasant nature will improve with time and social interaction. Until then, I will have to encourage the others to work with them and find common ground.

It should come as no surprise that Thantax Shadowborn is the member of Squad Hypatia most likely to betray Yulash-kor. While they have cooperated with us in the past, there is little indication that they've changed their self-serving ways. I propose that Thantax be fitted with a location shackle to prevent them from fleeing until we can be sure of their compliance.

--

The operatives I've listed are just the core of the team. Should we wish to expand Squad Hypatia further, there are likely many more imprisoned enemies who wish to atone for their crimes and even outcasts within our own ranks. I exhort you to consider supporting this proposal at your next meeting.

Your humble servant,

The Emissary


r/wizardposting 3h ago

Academic Discussion/ Esoteric Secrets Found this big ass fucking ancient tome, what y’all think is in here?

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104 Upvotes

(


r/wizardposting 3h ago

Wizardpost I learned how to teleport (to mostly success)

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2 Upvotes

Salutations fellow wizards! It is I WZRD here once again with a documentation into my magical endeavors, please enjoy!


r/wizardposting 4h ago

Wizardpost I quite enjoy reading the scholarly of Sherlock Holmes

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21 Upvotes

My English teacher unintentionally got me into Sherlock Holmes because he had one of the books in his collection of books.


r/wizardposting 5h ago

Community Event 🌏☄️ Witch Hunters

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70 Upvotes

Some wizards were too powerful for the spiders to take down. Some had too many defensive meAsures. Some had ways to defend against anti-magic. But these wizards are not safe for long. Soon, shadowy figures appear in various locations. They hunt down those wizards in their own homes, using stealth tactics and powerful magic. Reports continue to come in.

Tiglv huyxbod ivza vzftfgu yc laeg xwjlbt


r/wizardposting 6h ago

Lorepost 📜 An Arsenal Not of Frost

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3 Upvotes

r/wizardposting 6h ago

Lorepost (closed interaction)📓🔒 Newbie.

10 Upvotes

/uw this is generally closed to R&A members, but if you can come up with something clever, I'll allow it. Vanio is included ;P

/rw

Vytsky had just been hired to work at R&A. Today was his first day, and he was quite nervous. He packed up whatever he felt he needed, and he went on his way to the HQ. Thankfully, he only needed to fly there once, and then he could just teleport there and back as needed. Once he arrived, he entered through the front door, unsure of where to go from there. He wandered, trembling slightly more than usual, but still not really visible unless one had a good look at him.

It'd been a few universes since he last worked somewhere that he didn't found himself. He could only hope that whatever he did today was the right thing. He could only think: 'Don't fuck up don't fuck up don't fuck up...'

Alas, still expecting perfection from himself, even if he's never done this before.


r/wizardposting 7h ago

Wizardpost I will be giving out a wand with infinite castings of 500 toads. Wish me luck

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3 Upvotes

r/wizardposting 7h ago

Community Event 🌏☄️ The Next Stage (Breachpost)

18 Upvotes

Doors once again appear at key points, leading to the Library. Inside Mindcarver is waiting, surrounded by more Beacons.

You have done well thus far. I am particularly impressed with the attempt to contain and study the creatures from the Beyond led by Livia’s team.

The dragon pauses.

Unfortunately our work has only begun. The entity behind these attacks has taken noticed, and is sending a vanguard force to strike back. I have upgraded the beacons to sabotage its attempts to target specific locations.

The dragon gestures to the additional obelisks.

As you can see I have also created more beacons for those who wish to divide their efforts. Be warned that we will no longer be facing mere flora and fauna. What comes for our world now is an organized and carefully selected military force. Local gods, major myths and legends, even nightmares. Their fury will be great and their onslaught unceasing.

He dips his head.

However your actions have also brought a reprieve, and with our new kings blessing Haven and myself will be providing additional support. Kobold sapper squads and combat engineers will be available to construct and man any required defenses. I will also be able to produce reinforcements or defenses as long as you can envision them.

He gestures to a table stacked with food and potions.

Please take this opportunity to rest and stock up. I am certain it will be needed. You may also ask me any questions you may have.

/unwiz It’s been a bit but Stage Two of the Beyond Event is now live. Newcomers are still welcome to join, and established teams are welcome to return.


r/wizardposting 7h ago

Lorepost 📜 Silver Dreams

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5 Upvotes

r/wizardposting 8h ago

Wizardpost Spell Trade!! - You give me a spell image, and I give you a spell image

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3 Upvotes

r/wizardposting 8h ago

Evil Wizardpost What’s done is done

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1.2k Upvotes

r/wizardposting 8h ago

Lorepost 📜 The lamb (Tw disturbing content) Spoiler

8 Upvotes

Marys days have somewhat returned to normal after what has happened to her. She attends classes at the Scola magica though she still has a hard time focusing. Her newfound constant need for vigilance consumes her thoughts..She must be sure she is safe especially without echo… Her mind drifts away carried by rolling waves of sadness. She still hasn't opened the envelope he left for her. She can't stop crying everytime she tries.

“Find her voice…”

She ponders The echoes last words did did they mean to heal her voice was that even possible black irons doctors and mages have tried but with no success it seemed no matter how hard others tried or no matter how hard she willed it she could not speak.

“MARY”

The professors prompting startled her, causing her to dive underneath her desk and cover her head. Before looking around and hearing no threat she takes her seat again now embarrassed and depressed.

“My apologies I did not mean to scare you”

The professor said before returning to their lecture. When school was done she took the third daily call from her father before leaving to help Analina study. After a few hours of mutual catching up. She goes to the apartment she is staying at and gets ready for bed. Mary took a deep breath before putting her head on the pillow expecting the ruins,what she got was much worse.

“Mkaldak”

Those were the words that were written on every pillar as she carried the platter of grapes over her head, the weight of a bushel and a half of grapes pressing into her arms as she was forced to carry it to the slavesmith. Any hesitation being met with the whip of a Nehemjar. Lounging on a rug made from still living greatwyrms that writhed in agony. It lounged with all of the misplaced self importance of a lower bureaucrat in it's chamber

The creature labored with a thousand arms it's form and constant shift flash reshaping itself to suit his needs as it judges and refines the viability of each slave that is brought before him. It is exhausting work but fortunately for it it has just hit lunch time. Mkaldak paused their task to feast on its favorite appetizer; it slurps down a thread of silver magic as the slaves responsible for bringing in its food arrive.

Mary trembles in fear as she is urged to bring the grapes She carries towards it towards the shifting horror that has bound her in its service her arms are getting tired. She holds the platter a steady as as her shaking arms can and tries to make herself as small as possible. But it's too heavy to her horror and the horror of her fellow slaves Mary drops the platter.

A crown of Maws that that round the main body of Mkaldak all break into a smile, a meal and entertainment how fortuitous. One of his arms grabs Mary by the throat and holds her up it's many eyes to examine her.

“A Taka that knows the …. How amusing” Mkaldak fills its hall with a fit of cackling laughter that feels like it's about to shake apart of the very universe the room is in.

Mary can only gasp for air and struggle in response. She feels her senses going dark.

“Tell me Taka how would you like this nightmare to end” the slavesmith releases it's grip on Mary's neck. Allowing her to draw in just enough air to stave off unconsciousness.Mary could have ended it at any time but Mkaldak knows this and is banking on her childish naivety. To create a new plaything.

(“Please let me go I'll do anything”)

Just what he wanted to hear.

Mkaldak reaches out a long finger and plunges it down Mary's throat down into her esophagus before piercing her heart and ripping it out through her mouth all in a fluid but slow motion. Mary could only offer choked gurgles of a black sludge-like fluid as she watched Mkaldak consume her heart before dropping her.

Mary leaps out of her bed with a startle. Her stomach, her lungs all full of something, something she needed to expel. Mary rushed out of her room dashing us quickly as she could to the bathroom and it's toilet. Mary bowed over the bowl before vomiting a black viscous sludge.

Meanwhile in a humble manger a pregnant ewe feels it's stomach begin to swell even more than you usual. As Mary vomited for the second time the lamb begins to press against the sheep's stomach causing bulges in its skin as it begins to mutate distressed the animal begins to ram itself into the walls of its pen. Another wave of vomiting and contractions begin black sludge begins leaking from the ewes eyes nose and mouth. Mary completes one more round vomiting and the lamb begins to exit the surrogate through the only way a newborn has stretching breaching ripping and tearing before finally with a horrific squelch the lamb emerges as the ewe dies.

The lamb begins to make its way into the city crawling on a misshapen combination of human and sheep limbs dragging forth an impossibly long umbilical cord as it makes its way towards it's host. Mary collapses unto the bathroom floor hitting her head on the tiles with a thund she loses consciousness for a brief moment before awaking with intense pain in her torso.she can hear a baby crying from somewhere.

It Is by now Firsts concern turns into worry as she forces open the door to check on Mary only to find her on the ground and a toilet bowl full of black sludge.

“Brick wake up! We need a medic stat!”

Brick jumps into action immediately casting healing magic upon Mary.

“This isn't a normal injury he says as he begins to work I can alleviate the pain but….Jez wake up come have a look at this!”

The bird dragon springs into action immediately trying to analyze the nature of what's going on via a variety of magic he knows.

“This is beyond me the ailment is clearly magical in nature but I do not have enough expertise to solve it”

Brick goes silent contemplating his options he was never one really for command he looks at first.

“We should get her to an apothecary or someone who knows more magic than we do” she answers the unspoken question. Brick nods before scooping Mary up into his arms

“All right everyone move out.”


r/wizardposting 8h ago

Reject the owl meta for your familiar, embrace the furry beetle!

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532 Upvotes

r/wizardposting 9h ago

Community Event 🌏☄️ A Malicious Conquest. (COMMUNITY RAID/FIGHT EVENT!)

14 Upvotes

Civilians go about their business in a rather large, but peaceful town... Chatting, buying, working...

Until a rift shatters open in the center of town. Out of it, comes a large being... Towering over the normal humans.

And along with him, flows a dark, oily substance... Malice. It spreads through the ground, up the walls... Into homes...

People barely have time to process what's happening. The Malice corrupted Talios grabs hold of one man by his head, stabbing his other hand straight through his chest. Consuming his soul in the process for something else...

And as Talios drops the body, it begins to disfigure and morph. Turning into something else entirely... A demon. It shambles aimlessly.

The Malice creeping in infects others in short order too. Turning them into demons all the same. Many turn into nothing but shambling zombies, while others become something... Stronger.

People scream, try to run... But it's useless. The demons quickly converge on those remaining, Talios himself grabbing hold of a few as well. Men, women, children... Not a soul is spared from this sudden, and absolute takeover.

And once it is all said and done... Talios returns to the center of the town... Planting his hand on the ground... Causing a massive pillar of green, sickly flames to erupt, reaching high into the sky for all to see. Along with it, he projects a message across the realm...

"Children of Man. Demihumans. Any and all inbetween. I challenge you."

His voice doesn't sound too different, besides it being a bit lower, gravelly and all around evil sounding... Regardless, it may be enough to pull the attention of those who know Talios.

"Come to the pillar of flame. Show me your strength. Your power. Everything. So I may crush it, along with everything you hold dear."

Yet it seems this was not just a calling to the people... But to something else as well. Shortly after, from the horizon, from places unknown... Even more demons would flood in in hordes, all converging upon this singular town. Guided by the Ruinous Flames. All corrupted by the same thing, many moons ago... Having finally been stirred from their slumber, by the awakening of a new power.

Now, Talios sits in the center of the town... Waiting for worthy challengers to approach. Waiting for them to show him their strength...

((Get ready to kick some ass and take names! But fair warning... Talios is anything but a pushover right now. Do not expect a win against him, and maybe have an exit plan. But hey, who knows. Just maybe somebody can beat him...))


r/wizardposting 9h ago

RP Prompt (Character Intros, Duels, and Vendors)🔔 WELCOME TO THE HUNTER'S CAFE! NO GODS ALLOWED, THEY'D BE SHOT ON SIGHT!

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44 Upvotes

YES I KNOW IT'S A BAR, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT!!!

/UwU alrighty then, since I noticed that there Hasn't been much chances to interact with Erik recently, so as a way to cash in your reasons to kill this man here's one!

You can also try to calm him down, get him back to the good side and all that, but don't expect immediate results other than being yelled at

I suggest you don't try to fight him since he's still powerful as shit rn, or that you have an escape plan if you do, I'm not out to kill your Characters, but I'm not out to be solod either so make it easier for me to manage this

If your character is a god you can just put on a fake mustache, Erik will know the truth but his chaos gremlin self would pretend he doesn't for the funsies, it's still Erik after all

Anyways, yada yada let's get this shit over with


r/wizardposting 9h ago

Community Event 🌏☄️ An Open invitation. Come play if you dare.

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35 Upvotes

The rising sun painted the city of Thyrellin in shades of amber and gold, its shimmering towers and bustling streets alive with the hum of morning activity. Merchants called out their wares, children laughed in the streets, and the citizens went about their day, blissfully unaware of the doom creeping toward them. Far on the horizon, the faintest ripple in the air heralded the approach of Null, The Void, a malevolence unmatched in power and intent.

By midday, the skies had darkened unnaturally, as if the sun itself recoiled from the advancing shadow. Null and his voidlings, sinister creatures born of the Void, descended upon Thyrellin like a plague. The voidlings ran rampant through the city streets, sowing chaos in their wake—twisting structures into grotesque shapes, pulling the very essence of life from the citizens, and leaving behind hollow husks of what once was vibrant life.

At the city's edge, Null stood, his presence bending reality itself. His power had grown beyond comprehension, the Void now a vast, unrelenting force he wielded with ease. With a casual motion, he unleashed Oblivion Pulse, sending waves of nothingness through the city's outskirts. Homes and gardens disappeared in an instant, erased as if they had never existed.

The city guard fought valiantly, but their swords and shields were as paper before the tidal wave of void energy. Spells from local wizards ricocheted harmlessly off Null's Void Aegis, the barrier shimmering ominously in the smoky air. Despair set in as the citizens fled deeper into the city, seeking safety in places that did not exist. Thyrellin was crumbling, swallowed piece by piece by the relentless void.

In the midst of the chaos, one wizard, an elder named Kael, stood atop the central tower of Thyrellin. His voice boomed across the city, amplified by a spell woven into the winds.

"Hear me, all who wield the arcane! Hear me, wizards, sorcerers, enchanters of this realm! Thyrellin faces annihilation, and the Void itself marches upon us. We cannot stand alone against this terror—aid us now or lose another city to darkness!"

Kael's plea echoed across the land, carried by winds imbued with magic, reaching the ears of mages far and wide. His staff glowed with desperate energy as he continued to cast protective spells, slowing the voidlings just enough to buy time for reinforcements.

Null, standing amidst the destruction, smiled darkly. The call for help was no accident—it was part of his plan. If he had truly desired Thyrellin's erasure, he would have obliterated it in a single stroke, as he had done to countless cities before. No, this was a trap. The city of Thyrellin was bait, a beacon of despair meant to lure the world's greatest heroes and wizards into his grasp.

"I want them to come," Null murmured to himself, his voice a chilling whisper that resonated through the void. "Let them gather their strength, their courage, their hope. Let them believe they can stand against me. And when they arrive, I will show them the futility of their efforts and drag them, one by one, into the darkness."

Thyrellin was not just a city under siege—it was the stage for Null's next conquest. The destruction was only beginning, and the Void's appetite was far from sated. The would-be heroes who answered Kael's call would soon discover that the true enemy was far more cunning and cruel than they could have imagined.


r/wizardposting 9h ago

Academic Discussion/ Esoteric Secrets Default Cube showed up at my house after i deleted it. Should i be worried?

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914 Upvotes

r/wizardposting 10h ago

Magickal Art (User Creation) 🎨 Hand Carved Wizard!

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26 Upvotes

Hand carved Wizard, with staff, satchel, and pointy hat!! Love this guy, finished painting him up last night.

Carved him out of basswood from a Floyd Rhadigan Design/roughout. I took liberties and changed the original design a good bit.

He turned out epic! 😀


r/wizardposting 10h ago

Wizardpost One Year Here.

32 Upvotes

At the time of posting, it will have been around one year since I made my first comment on wizardposting. What can I say except that this place is awesome. I am so, so, happy that I got here and found this community.

I could never have expected, any of this. And I thank you all dearly. And to celebrate, I’ll be hosting another AMA both IC and OOC about my WP experience, so ask away!


r/wizardposting 10h ago

Wizardpost Thoughts on arcane body magic? Still natural?

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91 Upvotes