Almost 4yo, minimally verbal, strongly prefers being by herself and gets upset often if her siblings are even in the same room. I was planning a bday party for her at our house in a couple of months, and had planned to invite her daycare classmates. Only the more I am thinking of it, I wonder if she will actually enjoy this or if she will runaway to the comfort of her bedroom the entire time? But at the same time it feels wrong not to plan something like this. Any thoughts?

I found this quite interesting

I feel like I've reached a brick wall. My sons pediatrician doesn't know how to fill out the forums, he legitimately signed the back of it and handed it to me and said it sounds like you know what you're talking about. He didn't even know what the JFE forums were until I nearly lost my head in his office and went to see his receptionist to print off what was on my phone. Ironically she knew exactly what she was looking at. I attempted to fill it out myself thinking I was the one who should be filling it out in the first place otherwise why would my sons pediatrician be telling me to do this? Right? Wrong. Filled it out wrong, waited this whole time and now it's been denied and I'm back at square one. I wasn't asking for unreasonable things either, they were all on the list of acceptable things. But I don't know what to put it the "Domain" and "Goal" area and quite frankly it's not even my job to know what to put in there. Do I tell his pediatrician to learn how to fil out this forum? Do I wait even longer for another refferal to another kind of dr for my son? I don't know what to do, at this point all I know how to do is just break down and cry.

I love my husband. He is my best friend. But, a lot of times he withholds emotionally from me when our son is acting out. I try to ask him what’s wrong and he says nothing. I know this is not true, because he looks absolutely miserable. It’s exhausting trying to be the one to “fix” our marriage at the end of the day when we just got done parenting a child of the spectrum. We love our kids more than anything. It has been exhausting for us lately as my child on the spectrum is in a difficult season. My husband then withholds and gets mad when I ask what’s wrong and then he says nothing and I say well I need some space please. The reason I want space is because he obviously is upset about something, but then he gets mad that I want space because I don’t enjoy being around someone who looks and acts miserable all day.

What do you do? How do you get through it? A lot of our stress comes from parenting. We love parenting, but some days are much harder than either of us can anticipate.

Perhaps a weird question but how do we tell people my son has autism. He the best guy ever and we are very proud of our 7 year old. We have been open with him and his sibling about his diagnosis and want him to be proud of his unique brain. That being said we recently when to an inclusivity event and my husband said to another mom ( after she asked), “he’s our amazing boy, he’s our autistic son” her reaction was aggressive and she told us that incredibly offensive but didn’t correct us. Our whole world is our kids and my husband is very very proud of our son. In no way do we want to be offensive but how do we say it? *it’s also important to note that my husband recently late diagnosed autism and I have ADHD.

My pre-verbal/non-verbal toddler is turning 4 four and although he goes to a special Ed program a few hours a week, I have been mostly home while my husband works and I’m quite burned out. I did some parttime teaching twice a week until our toddler’s sleep got really bad and I’m trying to get back to that now. We’re trying to get him ready to go to school more regularly but meanwhile I was wondering if anyone has managed to find some way to start or run a business while being available for the unpredictable needs of their child/children? To be honest, when sleep was/gets very bad I can barely do anything else and my sole focus is sleeping enough hours to safely drive him to places since if he sits inside all day it’s even more difficult. But now that I don’t know exactly what the future will bring, I’m starting to think that it would be nice to be able to find a way to bring some money in with some flexible hours and also just being able to focus on something on the side than just my son all day. I will say that although he has many delays, he is somewhat ‘low needs’ in the sense that he does like to play on the tablet by himself in little stretches. I was thinking maybe something like selling items on Ebay or teaching online.

When our AuDHD/Epileptic daughter encounters loud sounds like hand dryers in public restrooms, she reacts with immediate distress—covering her ears and running out. This makes us wonder: is it the sensory input itself that triggers her anxiety, or does her baseline level of anxiety make her more sensitive to these sounds? On particularly exhausting days, this reaction seems even more pronounced. I’d love to hear your thoughts on whether one factor drives the others or if they all interact in a complex loop. Thank you.

Child won't stop head banging. He's never done this behavior before except when he was literally barely 1 yrs old. He stopped doing it completely, now everytime he's told no, or to stop or wait he gets extremely mad, and starts slamming his head into things like he expects me to be okay with the behavior. The look he gives me too is not I'm frustrated it's pure rage- he's non verbal lvl 3 asd with severe adhd- how do I get this to stop he's giving his forehead large remarks and bruises. The behavior only started up 2 weeks ago- only new thing is this week I had a baby. Otherwise no change. He was doing this before bbys arrival.

I have a 4 year old with insanely good memorization skills, but he also has an insanely short attention span. He likes being on the ipad and learns new things from it the easiest, but he gets distracted by the weirdest things like settings and menus and he will skip anything that gives him the option to skip. The weird thing is that if he is forced to sit through a video or answer a question correctly to move forward he will learn it and memorize it excellently. Do you have any suggestions for favorite educational apps for the ADD type?

My son is 6 and profoundly autistic. Dentistry has been a struggle and I noticed some dark spots late last year. A few trips to the dentist to get him used to it went well and we were then referred to a paediatric dentist in Feb who used a sealant on two of his back teeth that seemed to be the solution without sedation. Tonight while brushing I noticed that they have both fallen out and a sizeable piece of both teeth have decayed away. I’m so upset and angry at myself for letting this happen. It’s been hard to brush his teeth for so long and he’s a big grinder too but I have tried my best, they don’t seem to be causing him pain and I’m calling the dentist first thing but just feeling incredibly low now and a complete failure to him.

Hey guys, first time mom here and my sweet boy was diagnosed level 2 ASD and SPD. He turned 4 in March and is doing great in all settings and he loves going to his ABA clinic and speech. My dilemma is do I pull him out to start Pre-K or should I wait until he gain some more social, imitation, functional communication skills, etc. I don't have an IEP or 504 setup for him so he will be going there without any support. I'm a wreck and I have no one to talk to or understand this. Not even his father because he is in denial and we are not on speaking terms unfortunately.

My child (12m) is very into cologne and his hair right now.

I don't mind that he's deep into hygene but the kid has hundreds of dollars in scents; makes us listen listen to him talk about the ones he has, the ones he wants. Tries to get me to buy cheap cologne from scammy sites. Sprays it where he doesn't need it (like before bed)

He drags a mirror around the house and sprays down his hair with water about 15 times/day. It's a little compulsive.

Today it's very important to get to a store to look at scents. I really don't enjoy taking him to the store. He's also doing everything he can to get money, which is annoying because it's my money. (Although he will take soccer ref training and the babysitting course; he might do mothers helper class or minecraft lessons in the summer)

Nit a big problem, just annoying

Hi everyone,
We’re a family currently living in Queens, and our 5-year-old daughter was recently diagnosed with Level 1 Autism. She’s bright, sweet, and verbal, but she definitely benefits from structure, support with social skills, and a patient learning environment.

We’re starting to look into school districts on Long Island that offer strong special education services without feeling too separate or isolating. East Williston came up as a possible option—mainly because of its size and academic reputation—but we don’t know anyone personally in the district.

💬 If anyone has a child with autism or other special needs in East Williston—or in nearby districts like Herricks, Syosset, Plainview, etc.—we’d really appreciate hearing about your experience. Things like:

• How responsive and supportive is the district with IEPs?
• Is inclusion done well (not just “on paper”)?
• Are the teachers/staff truly trained in ASD?
• Do you feel your child is thriving emotionally and academically?

Also, we’re trying to balance services with financial feasibility. So if anyone made a move from Queens to LI for similar reasons, we’d love to hear how it went—good or bad.

Thanks so much in advance 💛

To preface I am also autistic. I understand the importance of therapies. My girls go to OT and SLP one day a week. We leave the house at 8:25A. It always seems to be a rush and stressor for all of us to get out of the house. The first appointment starts at 9am (OT 30min for daughter B), 10A (OT 60min for daughter A), 10:30A (SLP 30min for daughter B), 11A (SLP 30min for daughter A). All said and done we are back home at 12:15P. Dad usually stays home with toddler brother but sometimes brother comes along with me.

Reasons to Pull:

Reason 1: I am slightly annoyed at the office due to their poor communication. They don't respond to texts or calls in a timely manner (I mean over a month to get a call/text back.) We use a state funded education fund (ESA for Arizona) to pay for their appointments. This matters because they want payment 3 months in advance, which we don't like. We agreed on 1 month and even that is pushing it because we prefer to pay for the service as we use them.

We were going to their other office 1 hour away and we were on the wait list for the closer office for almost a year for my girls to have their appointments back to back. Well daughter B needed an evaluation but their person was that was out on leave and we waited another 3 months to get that. And they gave our back to back spots away. Maybe I am still holding a grudge about how long we have to spend at the office waiting. I think that is part of why I wanting to pull them.

Reason 2: ALOT, I should say ALL of what they do my husband and I can at home with the girls. Most of the things they do there we already do. So why are we paying for this services and stressing everyone out getting out the door and waiting around for half a day every week?

Reason 3: The SLP provider is kinda flat and seems annoyed at times. She is good at her job but idk if she truly prefers working with children.

Reason 4: The waiting room is bland, very bright, and uncomfortable. (It kinda puts me on edge honestly.) The only toys they have are toys I donated to the office because it is just a room with chairs and a coffee table.

Reasons to Keep Them Going:

Reason 1: The OT is great and my girls really like going to her. They listen to her well.

Reason 2: It is good for them to interact with other adults giving them the same information as mom and dad. Shows them we aren't "bossing them around" but actually trying to help them.

My dilemma is if we pull them and it doesn't work out idk where else they will go that isn't an hour away and their appointments will definitely be spread out. But what if it does work out and they do great learning the same things from their therapies at home with mom and dad.

ADVICE?

It's Autism Awareness month but for most of us (I think?).. it's just yet another month..

We all love and adore our children. I know it can be a struggle at times.
I tend to lurk here, but I read most posts and just wanted to give a big virtual HUG to all of you.

I know for myself I tend to feel a bit like Bruce Wayne in my life (i.e. no one at works knows what goes on back at home and as you all know.. A LOT GOES ON BACK AT HOME) When the other parents are lamenting about the diaper changes of their NT 14 month old or the curse words uttered by their 3 year old we politely nod in our Bruce Wayne suits and try to empathize, merely a few hours from returning home to dawn our cape to deal with the diaper changes in our 14 YEAR old, imagining the absolute joy we might feel if they uttered even a single word, even if it were a curse word.

Anyways, we aren't alone. Take care!

My kiddo (7yo) twisted his ankle stepping off a mat in the gym at ABA. They called me and said he wanted to come home. They said he had a lot of pain at first, but they said they thought it was probably a sprain. He couldn’t really out weight on it, and woke up in so much pain in middle of the night I took him to urgent care the next morning and an xray confirmed a small fracture.

Just wanted to vent. This year has been rough. Now we get to add a pediatric ortho to his care team after dealing with pediatric gastro, endo, and a developmental pediatrician so far this year. Just a lot to deal with on top of his other challenges.

I asked if I need to sign an incident or accident report and the BCBA said she’d get me a copy, but I haven’t seen it yet.

He’s dealt with some bullying at school and now having to sit out due to the walking boot just further isolates him. And we really have been trying to get him more exercise and movement and now this sets him back. Sorry for the vent. Frustrating.

Sorry for the vent

I’m in the process of trying to get my 13 year old rising 9th grader out of public school. I know everyone uses levels and we just had another private psychoeducational evaluation done and that was frustrating to say the least. My kid’s psychologist felt it was very biased and it painted a picture of a kid that didn’t look like ours. My kid’s psychologist thinks my kid is more level 1 but the one who did the evaluation scored them level 2.

I’ll dive into that later…..

This is a bit of a long post but I’m looking to hear experiences from parents who went the private school for learning differences route.

We have just gone through a very exhausting and so far unsuccessful attempt round 1 at applying to private schools. However we are not done in the process.

We took a tiered process

1 - applied to mainstream schools that focus on small class sizes, have built in tutoring, and explicitly call out their ability to support learning differences. We didn’t get accepted to any of them.

2 - applied to 2 schools that specialize in learning differences. This was hard because our kid has always been mainstream. We are in this process right now. It’s looking very likely that at least one will be successful. These schools have full facilities , extracurricular and sports.

3 - plan 3 - a 1:1 private school that specializes in learning differences. In effect it’s private home school. They already attend as a tutoring student and the school has indicated that they would happily take our child.

I’m very sure that I want out of public school. Aside from the ability to participate in band ( they have been playing an instrument for 3 years now ), I haven’t seen anything on the public school front that gives me confidence in my child’s ability to thrive. It feels bare minimum at best.

The ability to have lots of social interaction opportunities is important to us - hence us gravitating towards mainstreaming. However, and this is where I start to struggle - we feel uncomfortable putting our child in a school where all of the students are neurodivergent. I’m wondering if anyone here has done so and felt it was ultimately a positive experience.

Extracurriculars matter to us a lot - so we want to give them a chance to experience that. A 1:1 school doesn’t have that capacity - however it’s a much lower stress environment and we think that would be a huge plus as well. Does anyone have experience doing 1:1 schools and can speak to how that went?

Finally - and I’m just shooting this question into the internet for additional perspectives -

If I have a teenager who plays an instrument , can cook meals, is comfortable traveling and managing their own delta app, walks themselves to and from school, plays team sports , maintains their daily routines, manages all of their school assignments on their own, and has about 3 close friends they socialize with daily. They also have not failed a class to date but their math and English has been hovering in the B’s and now more often C’s range. They are holding A’s in science and social studies and their extracurriculars ( including French and band ). They also don’t have behavioral issues.

Language is a challenge and they do require extra instruction / practice time - but they can solve word algebra problems correctly with plenty of practice for example - am I wrong for thinking they are more on the level 1 side of the spectrum?

Bottom line - for any parents who have gone the private school route - i would love to hear the good, the bad and the ugly.

Hello, my daughter has been diagnosed since she was three and shes always been agressive but when she was around 6 or 7 it got way worse. Shes been on several meds, abilify, risperidone, concerta, ritalin, zyprexa, latuda, seroquel. Nothing works. My house is disgusting and a wreck everything makes her mad she cant find something i am busy and she has to wait a minute for me to play she cant get her shoe on i say something she doesnt like. Shes in therapy shes been in therapy since 2 she goes to a special ed private school. She is verbal and intelligent. When shes mad i get punch kicked slapped she breaks my things calls me all kinds of names trashes the house. Shes been in inpatient three times so far. I dont know what to do anymore i love her so much but i am exhausted and so stressed out i literally live i fear. She is bigger than me already and is able to overpower me i just want to cry all the time. She is so mean most of the time too calls me stupid and bitch all the time. Nothing works discipline wise either ive taken things away tried reward bevaior charts she doesnt care. 😭

In our country you can start pre-school (not nursery) at 2 and half. And my baby just started school last week. He only goes mornings. He was with his nanny the whole day before (they stayed home, they go to the Park, and to a toddler play room multiple Times a week). But he has never been away from family or his nanny that he knows since he was 2 months old (I had to go back to work). His Teacher told my that he cried non stop for the first 3 days , and the crying subsided day 4 , and stoped completely on day 5.

The next week he cried on Day 7 and day 8. But he was getting sick, and he didn’t go to school the next days (he still has a cold).

Now, on friday , while he was not at school, I received an email from the school director saying basically that my son is not coping with school and it’s not normal that he cries.

HE IS F-ing TWO ! Like what the tell!

She then went on mom shaming, saying that it would be better if I take him to school instead of the nanny (he loves the nanny more than me, he prefers her. It’s OK. I am fun, songs, books mommy. And I research and advocate for him. And I am the breadwinner so I make sure he will be set for Life if it comes to it. So F the mom shaming). She also complained that he doesn’t unferstand when they explain things to him. Yes, he is preverbal, he understands day to day concepts (meal time, sleep, do you want water, look, go outside, take a shower… stuff like this) , school Time and other concepts are hard for him.

Now. My husband thinks we should take him out of school. They don’t have the power to expell him (public school). I think when he gets used to it, it will be great for him to socialize and have moré vocabulary and concepts in his life. But the real question is what is really best for him ? Am I sending him to hell?

Sorry about the swearing , I am really angry at them for not allowing him more time before complaining. I read it as lacking compassion.

Thank you

Curious where everyone buys diapers for our not yet potty trained kiddos? My daughter is 4.5 and not quite there yet and I fear the Costco sized 7s are getting less comfy for her.

Hiya, my three year old is struggling with brushing his teeth due to the texture (and he hates mint!), found out that he's find brushing his teeth with water, but obviously not going to be enough. Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas for this? Also would love to hear any other tips and favourites!!

Thank you

My 11yo nonverbal son is still in his toddler child seat (he's small for his age so still within weight limit), however he recently started a maladaptive behavior of ripping at his headrest when he gets upset. It's essentially destroyed at this point. We've tried the standard backless booster but he immediately removes the shoulder strap which not only is a safety concern, but also allows him to reach and grab things including his brother. We need a recommendation for a 5-point harness seat for a larger (70+ lb) kid that won't get easily destroyed.

My baby is starting aba therapy tomorrow. I am so so nervous and so sad, honestly. I know it's going to be great for her..but not being with her is killing me. I have major trust issues. 😭😭 I just pulled in here and lost it because I have to go get her lunch box and stuff for lunch..

Hey everyone,

I’ve been quietly working on something personal for a while now, and I wanted to share it with a community that might understand. I recently finished writing a book called Asperger’s and Me.

It’s a mix of personal stories—some funny, some painful—and the lessons I’ve learned navigating life on the spectrum. I talk about things like dealing with social anxiety, job interviews, misunderstandings, and trying to make sense of the world around me.

I wrote this book mostly for myself, but also for anyone else who’s ever felt different and wanted to feel seen.

If you’re interested, here’s the link: https://amzn.eu/d/2IRSmbY No pressure at all—just thought it might help someone out there.

My son is 5. We had to reschedule his official evaluation from March to April, so he will be seen in a couple of weeks.

Long story short: My son can speak, and I'm very thankful. My son communicates mainly by telling stories of his own interests. Even when talking about other things, he always brings it back around. He will answer a question (if you get his attention and he wants to), but he mainly loves to tell stories. Long stories that if you don't know what he's talking about, you won't be able to follow. He also gets VERY upset and sensitive. If you don't let him finish, don't listen or don't understand him. I'm more angry if you don't understand him. That is also a problem bc the more you don't know what he's talking about the more upset he is the more he "whines" or shuts down and scream tells you which ofc makes things worse.

I homeschool, so I'm not worried about school. However, we would love to be involved in other things. Mainly, we attend church, and I haven't been in 5 years. However, we recently found a church that offers special needs on Sunday school for children and adults. It says on their website they are there for all types of needs, including "behavioral problems." Which, I assume my autistic child falls under.

Should I just let him continue to be himself, and we all continue to accommodate him the way we are. Pretty much, we let him talk! We listen. We don't interrupt or make him wait when he feels he really needs to say something. Is this bad?? I'm sorry, but we waited so long for him to speak, and the meltdown and crying from not allowing him to do so seems to not be a good idea? Idk.

Also, his attention span is extremely short. Depending on what's going on. He would rather play with kinetic sand than color a picture. He's not the sit down and listen to this and complete your worksheet type of boy! (And I love how special he is! 🥰)

I just don't know if I'm hurting him more by allowing him (at 5) to kind of have his own time and way to communicate. I know that isn't "real life." However, I don't know what I'm doing. This is all new to me. I don't want to force my autistic baby into a head space of negative emotions bc I want him to be a certain way. You know?

Please do not comment to me about religion or church as this is not what this is about, and we all have different beliefs, etc. I am choosing to raise my children, even my autistic son, in the church. We don't need to debate that. 🙏🧡

ETA: We aren't doing ABA (I don't think), and we have a referral for other therapy, OT, SLP, and feeding, but still waiting for the appointments)