This question is for mainly for older maledom/femsub couples (I specify this for biological reasons…) who don’t do TPE, and for whom Free Use is more of a “special treat” than a permanent lifestyle.

My wife and I are in a “mostly-bedroom” dynamic, but are planning a special day where we get a hotel suite and she will basically be my slave for 24 hours.

I want to make the most of it but also want to be realistic. There are only so many times we (or at least I) can fuck in 24 hours, and my wife can’t really stay in the mindset unless she’s at least a little bit horny, which is challenging to maintain perpetually!

I do also expect to throw in some impact play (her favorite) and extended bondage scenes to fill out the day, plus a lot of “service sub” work like cooking me meals and bathing me.

Who else has done this sort of thing with a sub who is more used to being fully submissive for an hour or two?

Doms - did you plan an agenda? Did things go according to it successfully? Were you able to stay in your roles all day, or did you eventually get the giggles and/or just need to revert to doing “normal people stuff” like watching TV, at some point? And how many times did you actually have sex? And how many of those times did the guy cum?

Thanks in advance for your insights!

So I recently just downloaded Fet to meet kinky like minded people but it hasn’t gone very far. I have had a ton of Doms reaching out but it’s hard to have like an actual conversation with them. Everyone seems like they just want to talk about sex and not actually form connections. Has anyone else had any luck forming actual connections on there? Any recommendations for how I can explain to people I don’t mind sexting but I would like to get to know them first?

Feeld has been not working so well for me, and that seems to be the only socially accepted outlet. I’ve been in the actual scene itself (FL, munches, the odd party and instructional class) for close to a year now and I’d like to date someone I have some comparability with kink wise (I’m a switch in my 20s, but not necessarily looking for another switch) but anyone I’ve ever met in the community is either ENM, already in a couple or not interested.

It’s kinda souring kink as a whole for me, on top of all the other less than welcoming aspects of this community for single guys. For me I’ve always used kink as a means to connect with other people on a deeper level and the fact that I really don’t feel like I can in any way that’s emotionally satisfying is very frustrating and unfulfilling

I’m a F sub in a wonderful relationship with a M dom. Things have been going really well both in and out of the dynamic for several months. Recently his illnesses have been acting up and causing unexpected issues, frequently when we’re being physical. It has led to some sub drop, lack of physical satisfaction, and some difficulty getting into the headspace because I’m afraid I’m gonna be jarred out of it if he starts having issues and needs help. I have not had any close friends with chronic illnesses so I’m not super familiar with this stuff. We’ve been discussing everything and I don’t feel like resentment is building, it’s more of a dejected sadness. Has anyone been in a similar situation? What is life like in a long term kinky relationship with someone who deals with a chronic illness?

I posted in another sub but wanted to explore a broader perspective so posting here now

I’ve been thinking lately about the role of emotional vulnerability as a Dom, especially in softer or more emotionally intimate dynamics. There’s a lot of emphasis (understandably) on creating safety for the submissive, offering aftercare, being the emotional anchor, etc.—and I’m fully here for all of that. But I find myself wondering:

Where is the space for a Dom’s vulnerability in all this?

Is it okay for a Dom to express emotional needs, insecurities, or even just have a rough day—and still maintain that sense of authority, control, or steadiness that many submissives crave?

Does showing vulnerability make a Dom feel more human and approachable, or does it risk shaking the dynamic?

I’d love to hear from both Doms and subs on this—especially those in softer D/s or pleasure-centered relationships. Have you navigated this? What worked, what didn’t?

How do you balance emotional openness with power exchange?

I mean all around I keep my kinky side a secret. However I think that it would be horrible if people found out I am a sadist. Other kinks? I don't want them to find out. My sadism? I would be more than mortified I think.

I (F/22) have always been submissive. Meanwhile my new partner (M/26) has also always been submissive.

I want to try to make things work because it feels like we would have a lot of chemistry but it feels like one of us needs to make sacrifices. Advice please!!

there used to be a fun site like the bdsm test but not as specific and more in depth. and it vanished!

I’m 21F and just recently started experimenting with bdsm and femdom, and I know for sure that I’m definitely interested in it and prefer the dominant role, but during scenes I never know what to say and feel so awkward😭. There’s a sub that I’m meeting with once a week to scene with, and we met for the first time last week and everything went really well. I tied him up and blindfolded him and gagged him so that I didn’t get nervous with him looking at me as I worked, and I even had a whole plan for how i wanted the scene to go written out, with like things I wanted to say planned out and everything. (And I must say I think i’m an excellent creative writer because the things I had planned out and written out to say were like absolutely FILTHY lol). But when the moment came I was like too nervous to say any of it aloud? I spent most of the scene quiet and it still went great and we both enjoyed ourselves but I just can’t figure out why I couldn’t just say the things I wanted to say?? I tried practicing on my own beforehand and when I was saying it it just felt like too artificial and like acted, I didn’t even sound like myself saying it. Does anyone have any tips for how to feel more confident with domming and how to be more vocal during as well?

Also one of the things the sub i’m scheming with is interested in is body worship, and I don’t know how to go about it because i’m kind of insecure about my body?

Colarspace is alledgedly undergoing a revamp. It says is should be back in three days, but that message has been there for what seems like well over a week.

I used to think flogging wasn’t for me. Then I saw it in-person at a class and I was mesmerized. The Top's face was visibly turning red as he flogged the bottom. The rhythm, the care, the build-up… it was dope af. Total perspective shift.

Have y’all ever changed your mind about a kink just by seeing or experiencing it differently?

My domme and I have just started seeing each other on a basis regular enough to consider us in an official dynamic. It’s been great but she expects me to come up with tasks for myself or humiliating pictures/ videos. I do ok with this but honestly as someone who doesn’t watch that much porn and isn’t very creative I could use some help coming up with ideas for how I can send her something she will find “impressive” or even just entertaining.

If anyone has any stories about times you or your sub sent something that really left an impression I would love to hear about it. Limits are: blood, bathroom and anything illegal

Hey peoples, my wife and I are monogamous. She is not into BDSM very much, but she's willing to do a few light things with me. She does know I watch porn and it's consensual. We try to be open and communicate about it even though it can make us uncomfortable.

Ever since I can remember I've had a lot of various kinds of rape fantasies. This is no where close to her comfort zone for us to do together. For my needs, porn or other erotic stuff is fulfilling enough.

Whenever I find myself seeking out this kind of stuff it makes me very uncomfortable. I'm seeking, ethical consensual CNC materials and it's hard to verify that. While I have these fantasies and they're part of me I keep them just that fantasies, but a lot of material in this kink seems geared at steering men towards sexism and radicalization.

Any thoughts or resources would be appreciated? Sorry if this is a commonly asked question.

Edit: also any art or writing sites for rape play that is once again ethical and not a sexism pipeline, and not going to give my computer a virus would be appreciated. Per my wife's and my agreements it needs to be viewing/reading only, and not interacting with others so no FetLife or Reddit(discussions like this are fine).

Not sure if this is the right place to ask about this but I had a sexual encounter with a Male last night. While he was fucking me from behind he put his arm around my neck and i enjoyed it a little too much, i felt vulnerable and a little euphoric, he only did it once but it felt like a little too intense. This is the first time im involved in this type of practice and after reading the dangers i will definitely stay away from it. My question is, can I get any severe issues resulting from this one time choking? I didnt feel like i was pass out or anything like that. I’ve been reading a lot regarding brain strokes and things like that and im kinda terrified.

Any suggestions for tasks or commands would be appreciated, new sub wants me to preset some punishments. Pretty open from humiliation to cleaning, ect ect. Working with boot licking and floor scrubbing with a tooth brush so far-

Are there ethical ways to do humiliation kink? I understand consent is required but is that enough?

A few years ago I admitted to my wife that I was into BDSM. It took a while to work through it but we did for the most part. My wife experimented some and realized she's not into much more than light play. She also put together that I have a very strong humiliation kink where I want to be the one humiliating others.

She's generally been able to accept my kinks as part of me even if she's not into them but the humiliation aspect skeeves her out.

Part of her having a hard time accepting it is that in normal life, most people describe me as kind and gentle and easy going. These things feel true to me and genuine. As far as I'm aware I'm not pretending or putting on a mask. I don't like when people are rude to others and I try to follow the golden rule in life myself. Basically when others feel good it makes me feel good.

I don't know why when it comes to kink I have these desires but I do. Also while I can feel the need to humiliate others come over me in kink situations, I want it to be consensual and I don't want to actually hurt someone. Is that even possible?

This is mostly theoretical as my wife and I are monogamous, but it could apply to porn/erotica as well. I wrote a separate post about CNC going more into that.

Edit: based on some responses, I want to reframe this a bit. If you enjoy being on the receiving end of humiliation, what do you enjoy about it? Do you actually feel humiliated in the moment or does it feel like pretending? Does the fact that during play I enjoy and want my partner humiliated change the way you feel about it?

So I am a bratty sub who is now engaged to their dom who is a 100% a service top. I caught covid about 2 years ago and ended up in a coma for 6ish months. I had to take a big step back from the scene just to focus on my own recovery. Prior to this I was definitely a bit of a pain slut the more marks the better ect. I am just barely staring to dip my toes back into kink and I'm not sure if I want the same things anymore from kink. I used to relish in exhausting my tops physically before I needed to stop. I loved having tops break canes ect on me and keeping them as trophies. Now however the thought of that kind of intensity scares me and I feel myself more drawn to sensory and rope play just as a safety net. I feel scared of letting myself trust someone to that extent right now and am not sure how to go back to how I was. My dom (we are engaged) has always been more interested in making sure I have a good time at events and will help set things up for me but Im just unsure what I want in kink right now. Do you think its possible I will go back to enjoying kink like I used too? Whats the best way to ease back into things?

So lately i’ve been a bit intrested in BDSM honestly im still on the younger side but i want to learn about this topic more because its something that i feel is what i would like to do even though i haven’t done it, i dont plan to be getting into sexual relationships until im ready and know the basics and such but how can i learn more about BDSM so i can be more knowledgeable about it?

So me and my s-type have been together a little while now and I have found her type of submission is different to other s-types. That’s not a problem, though. I wish to let her know that the way she submits is truly valid, and I want her to feel appreciated and know that her efforts and way of being are ok. It’s not a one-size-fits-all dynamic, by any means, and I think sometimes she struggles with what other kinksters might perceive us as. I know the only option is communication, and I have tried that but maybe some kind of grand gesture is required. I don’t feel I am giving her what she needs in this regard. Help!

TL;DR: dom didn't come to bed when he said he would for aftercare, made me feel really bad.

Last night my dom [M32] and I [F25] had quite an intense evening of him using my throat on and off. It'd been a little while for us so I was a bit out of practice, but I perservered and really enjoyed it.

I felt the closest Ive ever felt to subspace near the end as he was using my mouth, and we began to play with face slapping and mouth stretching (consensually, and at my request).

My issue is this: afterwards, I went to bed and I told him this was the closest I've ever been to subspace before. He went out for a smoke and said he needed to hop on his computer to do something really quick, but he said repeatedly it would only be 5 minutes before he joined me for a bit of softness and aftercare, maybe even continuing as neither of us had finished yet.

Me, trusting him, went to bed and waited. I let myself doze a little, but when he finally came to bed and I came to, it was well over an hr and a half since he said he would come to bed. I felt a little betrayed, and discarded almost? I have never experienced subdrop before but I imagine what I felt was close to that.

I pointed out he was way later than he said he would be, he said I had been asleep so it didnt matter, and he didnt understand why I was making such a big deal out of it. I felt unusually sensitive and couldn't deal with lying next to him in this subby headspace whilst feeling like he was annoyed at me, so I left the room to sleep in the living room and explained why I was doing so.

I had a little cry, and he mustve heard me because after ten mins or so he asked me to please come back to bed. He then cuddled me and apologised for the timing thing, and after a few minutes he reached down and gave me an orgasm with his hands before I went to sleep, which was honestly wonderful.

I feel a bit bad now. Was I justified in feeling a little betrayed when he didnt come to bed when he said he would? Or was he right, and was I totally blowing things out of proportion? I was asleep, so maybe it didnt matter.

For background context, him following through on set times/promises has been a recurrent issue in our relationship overall.

Hi yall, my boyfriend expresed intrest in rope play. Neither of us have done it before and i wanted to suprise him for his birthday by letting him tie me up. Only problem is i know nothing about it. He said he likes the complex knots,(the full body ones that tie around the tits). I wanted to get him a book or step by step guide so he can practice on me. Im having a hard time finding resources on amazon. Does anyone have any recommendations?

Hello, I recently created a Fetlife account and I was locked out, I can’t get back in. I have tried doing all the tips it says to do but nothing has worked. How can I get back into my account or has my account been deleted?

Wife and I dabble with some kinks, but we just don't have the room in our home to set up a playroom.

Wondering if anyone here knows how to find or knows of places like this around the NE Kansas area. Am willing to travel a bit.

Google is no help. I did find one Airbnb listing that's "Spicy" that has some restraint furniture that I'm temped to check out, but it's like 3 hours away. (Not necessarily a deal breaker)

Thanks in advance!

We are looking for a specific type of mentor (D/s and brat taming) - can you guys offer advice on where we could go to find something like that? We've posted on Fetlife and in r/BDSMpersonals already but I am not sure if there is a better place online that could increase our odds. Appreciate any help with this.

My wife has had a rape fantasy for a long time and I’m not really sure how to make it happen. I work out of downtown during the week so my plan was to tell her I’m not coming home one weekend and then sneak into the house late at night and bound her, gag her, and and then use her body as I please. Would this be too realistic?