r/Damnthatsinteresting • u/OkaTeluguAbbayi • 3d ago

Image A skeleton found in Bulgaria with some of the world’s oldest gold, at over 6000 years old

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u/OkaTeluguAbbayi 3d ago edited 3d ago

Here’s an article for further reading

And yes, that is exactly what you think it is, it is a golden dong cap.

Edit: Guys, lot of folks telling all the world’s gold is the same age. You’re right, what I meant to say is the world’s oldest gold jewellery, which was indeed found here.

6.2k

u/Janhansivan 3d ago

Guy was so wealthy he had golden dick armor.

3.6k

u/ImportantPlane1767 3d ago

I have already told my family to wrap mine in aluminum foil.

1.1k

u/Trust_No_Jingu 3d ago

Dont you mean a gum wrapper 😂

360

u/TAoie83 3d ago

Minty

247

u/Charming-Flamingo307 3d ago

Use a 5 gum wrapper to bring him back to life

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u/Background_Body2696 3d ago

Asking all the people on the afterlife if they know how it feels to chew 5 gum

8

u/Lucky-Hearing4766 2d ago

I don't remember how it felt to chew 5 gum :(

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u/SupermassiveCanary 2d ago

Now I definitely believe in ancient aliens….

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u/metal_muskrat 3d ago

Clearly you mean Big Red

25

u/tadpole_the_poliwag 2d ago

Mine will be fruit stripe. Cuz like the flavor I only last 5 seconds

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u/opticaIIllusion 3d ago

5G protection

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u/changing-life-vet 3d ago

Real men use Big Red.

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u/FalseAd4246 3d ago

If you don’t chew big red then FUUUCK YOU

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u/disterb 3d ago edited 2d ago

that’s why your mom always has fresh breath 😉

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u/NOBOOTSFORYOU 3d ago

I use an M&M's mini's tube.

33

u/Volstadd 3d ago

For when the cylinder must remain intact.

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u/he-loves-me-not 3d ago

A cylinder!

2

u/bologna_pwnyy 2d ago

I use a chapstick cap

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u/WhiteUniKnight 3d ago

No... a small cylinder

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u/Pvt_Lee_Fapping 3d ago

Yes, officer. This one right here.

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u/spatialflow 2d ago

Dirty mouth? Clean it up with Orbit

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u/Puzzled-Package476 2d ago

place it just above the kneecap for good measure

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u/AllLurkNoPlay 3d ago

A dick wrapped in foil you say?

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u/he-loves-me-not 3d ago

Well, that was a risky click! But, I do agree, definitely a dick wrapped in foil!

6

u/dartie 2d ago

Another four letter word starting with C wrapped in foil.

7

u/RED_BaronJ 3d ago

Not clicking that

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u/AllLurkNoPlay 3d ago

C’mon…. Do it. The risk is the fun. If you knew what it was it wouldn’t be fun, would it?

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u/getsome75 3d ago

Agreed

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u/WhoMD85 2d ago

I’m both a little disappointed but also relieved. However that is absolutely a dick wrapped in foil. Well payed internet stranger. Well played.

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u/RichardBCummintonite 2d ago

Jesus christ that comment section is scary.

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u/Overall-Plastic-9263 3d ago

The golden chastity. Dude was the first recorded sub in human history .

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u/mashiro1496 3d ago

Don't worry about that, ubtil you die the microplastics in your pp will fuse together to a big chunk of plastic :p

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u/RealEstateDuck 3d ago

Well microplastics are stored in the balls so you might be onto something.

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u/elMurpherino 3d ago

The microplastics are suspended in the pee, which obviously is stored in the balls.

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u/RealEstateDuck 3d ago

Ah I see you're a gentleman as well as a scholar.

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u/getsome75 3d ago

I knocked a can off a railing just the other day it’s like a 3d printer now

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u/xpawn2002 3d ago

You rich bastard

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u/Jasranwhit 3d ago

A hundred years ago or something aluminum was more valuable than gold.

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u/SteakJones 3d ago

Totally,.. and then put it in the oven at 375 for 20 mins.

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u/ImaginarySeaweed7762 3d ago

“Reynolds Wrap armor plating it is.”

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u/Newbs2u 3d ago

Lost his genitalia “in an unfortunate smelting accident”

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u/PerfectWaltz8927 3d ago

”schmelting”

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u/DarthBrownBeard 3d ago

Circumschmelsion

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u/Regular_Passenger629 3d ago

It’s a movie reference friend, Austin Powers

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u/DarthBrownBeard 2d ago

Yeah. I got it. Goldmember. "Aahh. Dass a keepah." <puts skin flake in a tin to eat later> i was just trying to Mashup shmelting and circumcision.

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u/fidgeting_macro 3d ago

"I'm Dutch! Isn't that weird?"

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u/locutogram 3d ago

Khal Drogo walks menacingly towards a guy in stirrups:

"A crown for a king"

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u/ynet2k 3d ago

I love gooooooold.

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u/svinpaelz 2d ago

Can't believe I had to scroll this far.

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u/HKLifer_ 3d ago

He had a... Gold member. Goooooold 🤣

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u/TheyCallHimJimbo 2d ago

ISHN'T DAT VIERD!? I LUF GOLLLLLLLLLLLD!!!!

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u/DLowBossman 3d ago

Not a surprise, it was foretold.

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u/warthog-cartography 3d ago

Bulgaria is fuckin weird bro

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u/anon_lurk 3d ago

And pretty good dental it seems

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u/Senzafane 3d ago

That was probably worth more than some people had throughout their entire lives, and he put it on his dick to be buried with it.

Chad.

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u/Willing_Television77 3d ago

The golden helmet

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u/SRNE2save_lives 3d ago

And the golden marbles for the asses.

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u/madhattergm 3d ago

It might protect him from disease?

1

u/Little-Ad3220 3d ago

“I was in the pool!”

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u/AGENT0321 3d ago

He bought the DLC

1

u/Immaculatehombre 3d ago

I loooovvveee gooooollllllllllllddddddddd. Maybe he lost it in a smelting accident?

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u/ovensandhoes 3d ago

They’re some nasty demon wenches in Bulgarian hell

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u/Graythor5 3d ago

Just for the tip though

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u/Little-Swan4931 3d ago

I want to buried with my bong in my arms and a golden sheath over my dong

1

u/vincecarterskneecart 3d ago

this is normal in bulgaria

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u/TheCrystalDoll 3d ago

I was like is that a fkn golden pee pee cover?!?!

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u/Inevitable_School789 3d ago

I bet Elon is watching this thread intently.

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u/CelebrationFit8548 2d ago

that some 'flexing' right there, not even alive and having a 'golden dick helmet' to show how awesome you were.

1

u/Brizar-is-Evolving 2d ago

Sounds like the premise for a prehistoric spy thriller.

The man with the golden butt plug.

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u/Doom_Cokkie 2d ago

Question is was it for defense or offense?

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u/Reperdirektnoizgeta 2d ago

Bulgarians, they never change

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u/blitzkreig90 2d ago

Just the tip

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u/DrWoodstock 2d ago

When is Bethesda dropping that DLC?

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u/Few-Emergency5971 2d ago

Well here's something I never know I needed or existed. Gunna have to get it sized way the fuck down though because apparently this guy was hung. Unless he told his people, just slide it down a bit man, stop trying to make me look bad

1

u/CheekyCunt42069 2d ago

A pre-historic condom, if you will.

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u/lord_dude 2d ago

+10 Charisma

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u/MyMoneyJiggles 2d ago

This made my morning

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u/Awe3 2d ago

I love goooold

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u/justbrowsinginpeace 2d ago

Prevents criticals 

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u/Mcderp017 3d ago

Came here to ask about the golden dong cap

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u/GetReelFishingPro 3d ago

Let's take shots out of it!

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u/RED-DOT-MAN 3d ago

Why do these shots taste cheesy!!

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u/GetReelFishingPro 3d ago

Flavor profile of a 6000 year aged Gold-Slonger. Pinkys out!

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u/Defti159 2d ago

That 6000 year old umami flavor

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u/BoostInduced 3d ago

Tip in a top hat

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u/Living_Occasion_57 2d ago

Maybe it wasn’t a dong cap. What if it was a poo cup?

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u/thiswasnottaken7 3d ago

This was the first goldmember

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u/mtnbiketheworld 3d ago

This guy was the ultimate G in Bulgaria 6,000 years ago

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u/Fun_Description_385 2d ago

Buldge area

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u/Original_Read_4426 3d ago

You mean, Bulgearia

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u/No-Judgment2378 3d ago

Bulgedarea

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u/ToyrewaDokoDeska 3d ago

He should have put his dick cap down by his knee caps just to fuck with us.

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u/lime_coffee69 3d ago

It's already in a pretty impressive position considering he woulda be flaccid and you know... Dead.

Dude was packing for sure.

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u/IndividualNovel4482 2d ago

Not really. You know, the hip bone is waay above where ya dong is.

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u/lime_coffee69 2d ago

There's also girlth too... I wonder how snug that cap fit around the tip

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u/IndividualNovel4482 2d ago

My friend. That was no tip. That golden cap was going all the way to the base, covering the whole dong. If the penis base was more in the back it would be physically impossible, would be inside the body.

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u/lime_coffee69 2d ago

Ohhh nowwwww I'm seeing it.

I gotta re evaluate everything.

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u/GrumpyJenkins 3d ago

Puts the Bulg in Bulgaria, no?

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u/RipOdd9001 3d ago

Going to need to run these specs by my jeweler

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u/charlie145 3d ago

You would be disappointed if the cost was very high, but more disappointed if the cost was very low

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u/Knight_Steve_ 3d ago

Thats 10% of the world’s total gold supply at the time being used as a decoration for a dude’s dong

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u/deathtothenormies 2d ago

I see we haven’t changed

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u/Rainbow_Sea_Potato 3d ago

Lmao the way you knew all our eyes would immediately spot the golden dome piece

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u/donald-trompeta 3d ago

I actually found out in the comments, at first glance I saw a skeleton with a trumpet

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u/YJSubs 3d ago

Wow, so lucky the excavation sites didn't get looted despite they were unguarded for months, partially because no one thought the artifact were gold.

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u/Murmurmira 3d ago

If you read the article, it says 1/3rd of the cemetery where they found this hasn't been excavated yet. They stopped digging in 1991 and now it's a community garden. They can't find financing to continue archeological work. So it's been unguarded for 34 years

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u/he-loves-me-not 3d ago

Damn! They should have sold the golden dong cap!

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u/Nathan-Stubblefield 2d ago

“Indiana Jones and the Golden Dong Cap”

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u/OldRush2493 1d ago

I guarantee that would be far superior to “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”

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u/lowercase_underscore 2d ago

You made me do math and I hated the outcome.

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u/Murmurmira 2d ago

Feeling old? ;D

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u/Mehlitia 3d ago

Like dead dongs in golden jimmy hats...

So are the days of our lives...

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u/travizeno 3d ago

Anyone who feels the need to explain that all the gold is equally old should go outside. It's easy to understand what you meant

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u/Rydog_78 3d ago

Went directly to the comment section for this answer

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u/GrimmReapperrr 3d ago

Damn I am never this spot on with guessing stuff

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u/pax666 3d ago

For a long dong.

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u/Wise-OldOwl 3d ago

You need to re-edit: not all of gold on earth is of the same age. Many millions of years apart

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u/Trust_No_Jingu 3d ago

Well i dont think Mr Skeletor will need this gold anymore -

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u/sincerevibesonly 3d ago

Does anyone have a tldr for what he is holding? Looks like either a musical instrument or some kinda bong/shisha thing

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u/justincasesquirrels 3d ago

Article says axe with gold plated handle

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u/gen2600 3d ago

Came here to ask about the golden dong cap

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u/cubntD6 3d ago

If the dong cap fits do u get to keep all the gold?

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u/B4USLIPN2 3d ago

I was just thinking “is that a golden dong cap?”

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u/OkLong5120 3d ago

Why was that the very first thing I saw? Lol

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u/ImaginarySeaweed7762 3d ago

And they said “he couldn’t take it with him.” Like hell.

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u/dudegoingtoshambhala 3d ago

Silly me. I thought it was some golden booty bling.

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u/Dadittude182 3d ago

Literally, Gold Member!

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u/Dudesonaplane 3d ago

Is this considered a cod piece?

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u/MTonmyMind 3d ago

Perhaps he lost his genitalia in an unfortunate smelting accident....

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u/MechanicalTurkish 3d ago

Of course it’s a golden dong cap. What, you don’t have one? Are you even civilized?

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u/yepthisisathrowaway9 3d ago

Preserving your dick with gold cap for the afterlife is crazy loolol

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u/OzsBusmen 3d ago

It’s a cylinder

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u/garrisontweed 3d ago

"Don't worry, I brought my Goldtron Dick Defender."

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u/Synap-6 3d ago

Im so glad you foresaw the question we hesitated to ask

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u/ObvsThrowaway5120 3d ago

A sheathe for his sword, if you will lol.

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u/Usual_One_4862 3d ago

Yea I was analyzing this pic and like no kidding not only was this guy a beast judging by the bone structure but he had a gold tipped dong cap. Ballin.

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u/Joelsackman 3d ago

I love gooooooold

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u/Spotless_mind24 3d ago

I'd pay money to take a shot of fireball out of it.

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u/NicksAunt 3d ago

Dude that’s so fucking sick

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u/Disastrous-Panda5530 3d ago

Thank for answering the first thought/question in my mind

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u/Shade_Folk 3d ago

Judging by the positioning my mans here was hanging dong while being covered in ye olde drip. Sensational!

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u/backbonus 3d ago

You…you don’t have a GDC? Wow. Sorry to hear that, mate.

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u/Terribleturtleharm 3d ago

When I'm buried, make sure to add 3 more inches below the taint.

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u/notouchinggg 3d ago

lol nope. definitely was not wondering if that was a dong cap!

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u/lordtyp0 3d ago

Dammit. I thought i had the only one...

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u/husky_whisperer 3d ago

And here I was with an ancient buttplug joke all loaded up

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u/Own-Government7591 3d ago

He had a Midas touch

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u/Angry_Amish 3d ago

I guess he never got help getting his cylinder out of another cylinder.

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u/altiif 3d ago

Haha I love how the top comment read my mind exactly 😂

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u/rich97 2d ago

Makes you wonder where the statute of limitations is when grave robbing becomes archaeology.

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u/SupahBean 2d ago

Nothing more reddity than people reminding us that all gold is the same age 🙄

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u/TFT_mom 2d ago

Here we see an ages old obsession with one’s d*ck! Fascinating 🤭❤️

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u/SirAchmed 2d ago

It's infuriating that the photo is cropped at the bottom. Do you have a version that shows the feet?

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u/Few-Emergency5971 2d ago

Was the black thing there to support his massive nuts?

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u/beardedsilverfox 2d ago

It’s hilarious this is first. People are fun

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u/pantrokator-bezsens 2d ago

And yes, that is exactly what you think it is, it is a golden dong cap.

I only came here for this info

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u/Mountain-eagle-xray 2d ago

It's a called a penis lid

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u/sage1957 2d ago

That was an amazing read, many thanks for the link...

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u/BareNakedSole 2d ago

I thought it was a butt plug

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u/kwecl2 2d ago

Thank you for the golden dong cap clarification

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u/Southanstyle 2d ago

A gold dicker

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u/Will_Come_For_Food 2d ago

I think you buried the lede there with that title with the golden penis cap.

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u/JRedWolf 2d ago

Hello! That was a truly fascinating article full of very interesting information! Thank you very much for posting it. I really enjoy learning about historical finds and theories.

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u/kungfucook9000 2d ago

I'm bout to order one of those right now!

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u/arob87 2d ago

Its very generous

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u/NopePeaceOut2323 2d ago

What was the reason for the gold dick cap, anyone know? 

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u/iLuvFrootLoopz 2d ago

And yes, that is exactly what you think it is, it is a golden dong cap.

dong cap

That is exactly what I thought it was...word for word.

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u/Robo_Patton 2d ago

Cell phones, digital media, ample food supplies or no medical, deadly beasts, and golden dong caps?

Going to have think this one over…

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u/esepinchelimon 2d ago

Can't forget your dong hat when going to the afterlife lmao

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u/PS_Sullys 2d ago

I would guess, from the position of said dong cap, that we are also looking at a relatively well endowed individual

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u/Kelleyangmc 2d ago

**World's oldest gold jewelry SO FAR.

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u/dmdjjj 2d ago

Quite low down, man’s been carrying for a while

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u/fleeyevegans 1d ago

I heard ceremonial penis helmets are so in right now.

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u/Vast-Roll5937 1d ago

Damn he was well hung

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u/Puncharoo 1d ago

I KNEW IT

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u/Liam21492 1d ago

Cock sheath

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u/Domainframe 1d ago

Oof, the Reddit edit brigade… I knew what you meant lol thanks for the post. I tip my dong cap to you.

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u/Sea-of-Serenity 1d ago

No, sorry it actually isn't. It's very certainly the end piece of a belt that ended rotting so the gold is all that's left.

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u/Ancient-Web9358 1d ago

GDP has been around forever

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u/ThatPhatKid_CanDraw 17h ago

Did people actually read it that way? Oi

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