r/LinkedInLunatics • u/Drogatog • 3d ago

First.

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2.0k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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1.6k

u/Eastiegirl333 3d ago

I’m kind of a big deal.

577

u/icsnapper 3d ago

I have many leather bound books

370

u/LandoLebowski 3d ago

And my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

120

u/HighFlyingCrocodile 3d ago

Also a dead body.

36

u/NunsNunchuck 3d ago

Do you have to return some video tapes too?

6

u/MoreRamenPls 3d ago

You’re not really blonde are you?

63

u/Used_Lawfulness748 3d ago

The dead prostitute is actually in the trunk of his car.

That’s why he keeps a team of high-powered lawyers on retainer.

16

u/bananaz_to_the_moon 3d ago

lets see Paul Allen's dead trunk prostitute

14

u/Major_Section2331 3d ago

Tesla’s have two trunks on most models, right? You don’t think do you… 🤔

God how many bodies does Elon have in his trunks? 😳

9

u/Hamblerger 2d ago

It's really more of an eventual cremation service.

1

u/Bibblegead1412 2d ago

Yep. it'd be in the 'frunk'.

1

u/EnvironmentalGift257 2d ago

It’s just bodies, all the way down. And if you think that’s bad you should ask Garth Brooks where the bodies are.

1

u/CyrusOverHugeMark77 2d ago

He does look like Cyril from Archer, now that you mention it.

1

u/faerie-childe 2d ago

Let me tell you how a dead prostitute in my trunk can help with B2B sales

1

u/cammiehanako 21h ago

You killed a hooker! Cyril: Call girl! Archer: No, Cyril! When they're dead, they're just hookers.

Wait! Wrong show

1

u/mikeshamrock 2d ago

Though to be honest that might just be his natural body odor

16

u/Flowery-Twats 3d ago

I'm friends with Merlin Olsen, too.

6

u/Massive-Sun639 3d ago

DBZ Abrodged Yemma : "Mahogany"

5

u/alien4649 3d ago

And Corinthian leather…

4

u/kimchipowerup 2d ago

Rich Corinthian Leather

2

u/Radknight11 2d ago

Ricardo Montalban approves of this message.

3

u/Vitamin_J94 3d ago

And sweet contreau at hearth's edge

2

u/Doin_the_Bulldance 3d ago

I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS

2

u/Cautious-Ad2154 2d ago

YOU ATE THE WHOLE WHEEL OF CHEESE?? I'm not even mad that's impressive.

1

u/bajun65537 2d ago

I’m a god walking amongst mere mortals

1

u/Coldash27 1d ago

I WANT TO BE ON YOU!

1

u/SyrupyMolassesMMM 2d ago

Get the hell out of here if they’re not first editions…

1

u/pengalo827 2d ago

Wrapped in rich Corinthian leather, as is my furniture and the seats in my Chrysler Cordova.

1

u/el_guille980 2d ago

I have many human skin bound books

0

u/TheGREATUnstaineR 1d ago

Got me hahahaha fuckin gold!

103

u/AdLiving4714 3d ago

Nah. Just an Italian who - at the sweet young age of 53 - finally got a biz class ticket on a domestic flight. By obliterating his hard earned points balance for an upgrade. You know, one of these where you get seat 1A which is still an economy class seat, just with a free seat next to you. He's playing "rich world" manager now.

59

u/apathyzeal 3d ago

Absolutely this. If he flew first class with any sort of routine or regularity it would not be remotely special.

9

u/kategoad 3d ago

Yes. My first long haul first class I took a bunch of pictures. My second, I did not.

Mainly of my feet not quite reaching the foot rest. Eating dinner and watching a first run movie. Warm nuts. And my airplane flying over Iran (at least that's what the tv screen said).

8

u/b3ta_blocker 2d ago

Warm nuts are the reward for economy flight.

3

u/prigmutton 2d ago

First class has personal nut warmers

2

u/Tombiepoo 2d ago

Can confirm. My nuts are always too hot, in fact, because I can't move my legs much in economy.

2

u/b3ta_blocker 1d ago

EXACTLY.

1

u/EvilCodeQueen 1d ago

One first class flight I was on, they made chocolate chip cookies. The smell wafted back to economy. It wasn’t even fair.

2

u/b3ta_blocker 19h ago

That's how wars start.

1

u/EvilCodeQueen 12h ago

Seriously. How the plebes didn’t rush first class with an improvised guillotine, I’ll never know.

2

u/Jet2work 3d ago

flying anywhere isn't remotely special anymore

15

u/Arglefarb 3d ago

On a regional connection before moving back to coach for his actual long haul

7

u/Simplisticjackie 2d ago

This is the white business man’s version of renting a jet for a photo shoot for his Instagrams 300 followers. It’s so performative. Act like you’ve been there before or you just look like a goof.

1

u/a45ed6cs7s 2d ago

Why is he showing his passport if it's domestic?

1

u/AdLiving4714 2d ago edited 2d ago

You need an ID document even on domestic flights here in Europe. Maybe he's also travelling within the EU. Who knows? (And I really don't care. It's far easier and funnier to just make assumptions ;-))

28

u/prpldrank 3d ago

Nice tagline:

"On LinkedIn, anyone can be kind of a big deal."

4

u/johngreenink 2d ago

See this Cheeto? It's my First.

20

u/Electronic_Picture26 3d ago

Im the world's greatest secret agent.

9

u/slowsausages 2d ago

'And yes... it's top secret.'

Nobody asked

21

u/xtheory 3d ago

The self-importance is suffocating. I feel so sorry for his employees.

17

u/Johnny_Grubbonic 3d ago edited 3d ago

Um... I don't even know where to start with you. I mean, do you even know who you're talkin' to?

Do you have any idea - any idea - who I am?

Basically, kind of a big deal.

Ya listenin'? OK. Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brudda'? I hurt people.

I'm a force a' nature!

If you were from where I was from, you'd be f[bleep]kin' dead!

WHOOOOOO!!!

12

u/Difficult_Ad2864 3d ago

I’m something of a scientist myself

9

u/karlware 3d ago

....down at the cracker factory.

8

u/Juking_is_rude 3d ago

Its so top secret im bragging about it on linkedin

5

u/DanJW83 3d ago

People know me

4

u/jarjarclinks 2d ago

It's kind of my first deal?

6

u/Francesca_N_Furter 3d ago

He's WORLD FAMOUS....in Poland.

2

u/Crusoebear 3d ago

“I drive a Dodge Stratus!”

1

u/ScrambyEggs33 3d ago

LMAO one of my faves

1

u/martombo 3d ago

His last name is literally phallic

1

u/bartolo345 2d ago

I don't know, the project is just top secret, not first secret

1

u/NOVAbuddy 2d ago

I’M A MANAGER

1

u/dwightsrus 2d ago

He looks exactly how one would expect him to look.

0

u/pingu88 2d ago

You could be the first kind secret big deal?