r/MaliciousCompliance • u/Dertyhairy • 1d ago
S Girlfriend used to tell me to shut up. Okay
[removed] — view removed post
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u/LikeABundleOfHay 1d ago
She would hit you and you would stay? That's domestic abuse and shouldn't be tolerated.
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u/Dertyhairy 1d ago
I was a boxer at the time. People hitting me didn't bother me. I was also young
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u/Ch00m77 1d ago
Bro, that's domestic violence.
Call it what it is, assault.
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u/Dertyhairy 12h ago
Eh, maybe. She never hurt me physically so it never bothered me. In fact I think she hurt herself more trying to hurt me. I never thought about it that way though, first relationship and I was young
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u/Ch00m77 10h ago edited 10h ago
DV isn't just physical.
DV takes many shapes:
Physical, emotional, coercive control, financial, sexual, social, verbal, and many others.
Additionally, someone hitting another person is assault, and in your case, it was domestic violence as you were in an intimate relationship with her.
So you did experience physical and emotional violence as she would also emotionally blackmail you and tell you to shut up.
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u/ChaosKeeshond 5h ago
Even if you don't think you're affected, it impacts how you view what's normal. "I wasn't traumatised so it wasn't abuse."
There's a risk that this leads to "it wasn't abuse, so I can do it too."
Abuse doesn't need cause trauma to cause harm. It can harm your ability to have healthy future relationships.
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u/-Baguette_ 1d ago
Neither of you sound very mature, so I'm not surprised the relationship didn't last long.
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u/Dirty_Violator 1d ago
Came looking for this comment, how is this even a hot take? Petty passive aggression in response to something your partner does that you don't like is never the recipe for a happy relationship.
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u/paganwoman1992 1d ago
Would you act mature when someone tells you to shut up and hit you when you do exactly that?
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u/fionsichord 1d ago
Yes. I would tell them to leave and not come back. I can’t be dealing with bullshit like that.
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u/God_Bless_A_Merkin 1d ago
Exactly this. Once violence enters a relationship, I exit. And I strongly advise that for everyone.
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u/lordtyp0 1d ago
Yes. I would grow right out of that relationship.
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u/SomeCasualObserver 1d ago
Getting an erection from your girlfriend hitting you hardly seems like the correct way to end a relationship...
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u/RandomBoomer 23h ago
A mature person would never have entered a relationship with someone that unstable or stayed with them after the first hissy fit.
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u/Contrantier 1d ago edited 1d ago
She told him to shut up. She screamed and physically abused him and cried crocodile tears.
All he did was shut up.
If she was the only one being immature, the healthy thing to do is admit that. Not lie that he was immature as well. Obviously he broke it off because she was immature.
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u/sheng-fink 1d ago
Giving your partner the silent treatment is immature, for any reason. The mature thing would have been to just leave instead of playing games lol.
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u/papa_Fubini 1d ago
She asked for the silent treatment by saying "shut up"
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u/TDuncker 21h ago
She asked for immature treatment. That doesn't mean you have to be immature and do it.
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u/GlitterDoomsday 1d ago
No, both were immature - the mature thing to do would be break up rather than entertain petty games with your physically abusive partner cause "sHe ToLd Me To ShUt Up". OP is too stubborn for his own good.
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u/Contrantier 1d ago
Uhhhh
Did you miss the part where they broke up...? Obviously if the relationship didn't last long, neither did these "games" that you're so hung up on trying to insult.
Proving a point isn't playing games. He made his point and then broke up with her, from the context we're given (unless he corrects me and clarifies she dumped him instead, but it would still be a win for him, and it would still prove she couldn't handle having her words thrown in her face).
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u/spicewoman 1d ago
It lasted long enough for him to be able to give her the silent treatment several times and for her to "never learn" to stop telling him to shut up.
That's way too long.
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u/Dertyhairy 11h ago
I've replied to a lot of comments. It never started out this way. Was good for like a year, then it turned to crap. Was my first relationship. Tried to make it work, it didn't. Then I ended it
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u/Zeyn1 1d ago
Did you know that sometimes people need to learn these kinds of lessons?
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u/Contrantier 22h ago
Exactly! It's just that simple. A lesson was taught. Nothing more. Everyone needs to stop freaking out.
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u/Contrantier 1d ago
Man, you people are WAY too oversensitive about someone giving someone else a well deserved silent treatment. How is it pissing you all off THIS badly? 🤣
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u/Dertyhairy 12h ago
Started good. Turned nasty. Then I got out
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u/Contrantier 11h ago
I'm surprised people are pretending not to understand how simple this is. The amount of red flags waving carelessly in the breeze in these comments is kind of alarming. Good thing I don't have people like this cluttering up my life.
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u/Dertyhairy 11h ago
I'm still laughing at the responses lol. It was a toxic relationship. Was also my first relationship. If there are people here who never been in a toxic relationship? Nice. Good for you, honestly, no sarcasm. Sometimes you get into one and hindsight 20/20. I loved her, it went downhill, I tried to make it work, it didn't, we parted. It's as simple as that
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u/Desperate-Zebra-3855 1d ago
He's not immature, just a domestic violence victim
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u/Dertyhairy 15h ago
I don't even know how many times I gotta say this to everyone lol. We were young, it wasn't healthy, I left. Was my first relationship. I tried to make it work. It just didn't
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u/emax4 1d ago
So he doesn't shut up, then the woman realizes he never listens to her. How can he fucking win? I don't know her and I'm glad she's out.
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u/always_a_blind_man 1d ago
He wins by ending the obviously unhealthy relationship instead of sticking around for some reason
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u/chumbalumba 1d ago
You can’t ’win’ with a partner, you’re meant to discuss the issue and improve so you can stay together. If that’s not possible, or not even worth it, the only win is leaving them.
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u/Dertyhairy 12h ago
Love the name lol. But yes, when you can't discuss something you need to get out
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u/emax4 1d ago
Can't discuss it when your partner tells you to shut up. At that point it's listening and it's one-sided.
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u/Ok_Confection_10 1d ago
A healthy relationship doesn’t involved a “shut up”. If a conversation ever gets that heated, and it’s not a serious relationship and discussion about something serious, like finances or childcare, then end the relationship. It’s not your job to make that person understand or grow. If they can’t do that on their own they shouldn’t be in a relationship
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u/hdueeyd 1d ago
Surprised by the amount of people here obsessed with the guy 'winning'
These things are not about winning or losing lmao
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u/Contrantier 1d ago
The relationship was not about winning, it was about teaching her how to act by giving her a harsh lesson. It worked, just not the way he wanted.
Once he lost his dedication to the relationship, THEN he broke up, and that's why it was a win.
Because the win happened after he no longer wanted her. So there's no need to be so sensitive to people correctly claiming he won by escaping the abusive relationship. That's an unhealthy response a lot of people are giving. I'd think they'd be happy for him that he did win.
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u/Dertyhairy 15h ago
Yeah. It was a lose lose. It was good to start, then it became terrible. Tried to make it work. It just didn't. Lesson learned
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u/zomboscott 1d ago
Knew the relationship was was cooked before I was done reading the first sentence.
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u/DCaps 23h ago
The second word in the post is "had".
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u/zomboscott 23h ago
The title sentence " Girlfriend used to tell me to shut up.". There's only one reason why a Girlfriend used to tell her Boyfriend to shut up but doesn't anymore because they are the Ex Girlfriend.
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u/DCaps 20h ago
How about "she doesn't do it anymore"?
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u/zomboscott 19h ago
Lol. Really "malicious compliance" and "Girlfriend" is all you need to know that she is now Ex Girlfriend.
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u/Morrolan_V 22h ago
You both sound like absolutely wonderful people to be in a relationship with. /s
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u/_Aeir_ 1d ago
Dude, were you both 13 or something?
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u/LondonDude123 1d ago
Fucking THIS!
I love how all the comments are giving the dude shit here. You just know that if a Woman posted "Yeah so my bf used to tell me to shut up and then hit me for not talking to him" there wouldnt be a single person blaming the girl...
Reddit is a joke man!
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u/_Aeir_ 1d ago
I'm not giving him shit for being hit. that's awful, no matter the gender.
I'm giving him shit for stonewalling. Being told to shut up is obviously awful, but that's an immature choice that just makes things worse for both parties. Both of them were acting 13.
Some things aren't jokes when you think about them for more then 15 seconds.
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u/BipedSnowman 1d ago
I think that's your own biases.
Edit: checked your profile and it looks like you're pretty wildly misogynistic, so maybe chill it with the high horse dude.
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u/babythumbsup 1d ago
There's a statistic on how likely a woman is murdered when they attempt to leave their male partner
The likelihood is significantly lower if the roles are reversed
It's not sexism, it's facts
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u/Gifted_GardenSnail 1d ago
You both sound exhausting
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u/RBeck 1d ago
They sound like the pair that argues on a couples trip.
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u/FearlessVegetable30 1d ago
this is just pathetic honestly
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u/Contrantier 1d ago
I know, she really doesn't deserve anyone at all. Domestic abuse and crocodile tears? She can go jump out a window.
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u/MycothropistSquid 19h ago
responding with emotional abuse? both of them are trash
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u/Contrantier 11h ago
He responded by doing what she said. Huge red flag that you pretend to call shutting up when told to "emotional abuse" despite knowing that is not the case. Yikes.
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u/Larkiepie 1d ago
Why didn’t you dump her instead of staying in a toxic and abusive relationship?
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u/Contrantier 1d ago
It's almost as if the post spelled out in black and white that they did break up.
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u/serendipitycmt1 1d ago
Shut up is verbal abuse. Stonewalling is passive aggressive and emotional abuse. No winners here.
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u/SKSerpent 1d ago
Please put off procreation until you grow out of this phase.
Grow up, both of you.
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u/jodrellbank_pants 1d ago
Its Not Malicious compliance its immaturity, Good luck in those heated relationships
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u/delihands 1d ago
Say what you mean, mean what you say. Is it healthy? No not at all but if I got “shut up” all the time then I will. Don’t tell me to leave you alone then be mad when I do.
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u/jodrellbank_pants 1d ago
see what i mean
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u/Contrantier 1d ago
Yes, we see how easily you're misled into thinking naively about the situation rather than choosing to assess it properly.
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u/Killpop582014 22h ago
I so used to do this lol. But not in like super serious arguments or anything though.
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u/UsernameHasBeenLost 18h ago
These comments are deranged. Flip the genders and imagine calling a woman immature after being hit by their partner.
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u/Forward_Succotash_43 23h ago
This isn't malicious compliance, it's abuse. You and her were awful people. Ugh.
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u/Dertyhairy 14h ago
It is malicious compliance. She told me to do something. I did it. How is that not? Either way, I cared about her for a long time. Then the relationship turned to crap. I tried to keep it going, it didn't work out though
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u/jthsbay 1d ago
I haven't talked to my wife in 6 months. I don't wanna interrupt her.
My wife said, "...are you even listening ?".. I said, "that's an odd way to start a conversation. "
My wife always takes a breath in the middle of a sentence, so she doesn't have to pause at the end.
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u/prankerjoker 1d ago
You should post these in r/dadjokes
One at a time of course.
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u/jthsbay 1d ago
I got them from r/jokes or r/dadjokes a while ago and don't wanna be one of those guys! (Who reposts) : - D
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u/myopicmarmot 1d ago
You miight want to update your sources. These sound like outtakes from an old Borscht Belt routine, Are these from a Henny Youngman joke book? (Google him.)
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u/Mental_Cut8290 1d ago
TIL
That
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Makes
Breaks
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u/vksdann 1d ago
The --- does what now? TIL the --- actually
MAKES YOUR TEXT GIGANTIC
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u/Platypus-Man 1d ago
This hits close to home, but with my dad when I was a kid.
Recently a relative asked me why I have his number listed under his name instead of listed under Dad, and I guess this is part of the reason.
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u/_Batteries_ 1d ago
Sort of similar, I was with a girl, and I was using my fingers idly while we were watching a show. We were young.
She kept saying it was uncomfortable. Like, on the right. Now the left. Idk, too hard. Now too soft. So I stopped. Then she asked me why I stopped and said she was enjoying that
I just stared at her for a while then went back to watching the show, sans fingers.
That relationship also did not last.
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u/mothboyconnor 1d ago
You two should get back together because subjecting anyone else to either of you is a human rights violation.
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u/Akiro_Sakuragi 1d ago edited 1d ago
So many annoying comments here. If the roles were reversed, you know damn well everyone(both simps and women) would talk about how "all men are shitty these days and it was good on her to move on from that abusive bastard". Fucking haters who never take the side of the guy when the alternative is presented.
I see it as a win for OP. I don't know all the details(none of us ever do really) but at the very least, he didn't lose anything valuable, that's for sure. That said, confrontation is part of human relations and being quiet is not always the best way to work things out. It is certainly better than saying something hurtful tho.
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u/Contrantier 1d ago
There sure are a lot of naive, oversensitive people in these comments.
He shit up because she told him to. He taught her a lesson. She didn't take it well. He gave up and broke up, winning his freedom back and the chance to find a woman who actually had an ounce of maturity.
You will all chill out.
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u/ILikeBirdsQuiteALot 1d ago
-That's physical abuse (on her part)
-That's stonewalling (on your part)
Thank god neither of you are together anymore. Ridiculous.
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u/Appropriate-Sky508 18h ago
I married and had a kid with my similar situation… you know just to be sure it wasn’t destiny
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u/LongTallMatt 1d ago
Pedantic, the word you're looking for is pedantic.
You are both abusive and deserved each other.
This is why people should be required to attend classes before getting married and before being able to have children.
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u/bjizzle184957 1d ago
How’s OP abusive for doing exactly what the ex-gf told him to do? Just because she didn’t realize that she was the one that was truly burdened by the consequences of such a demand until after the fact is a her problem. When things would calm down, OP said he would reach out and explain why he ceased to engage in the argument, so 🤷🏼
Seems like the term abuse (and all of its conjugates) has really lost its definitive meaning.
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u/LongTallMatt 1d ago edited 1d ago
When someone is abusive (over multiple occasions as he seems to imply) to a person what well adjusted adults do is walk away and never look back.
He wasn't, as you say, '[taking a break to ease tensions].'. He was purposely and spitefully 'obeying' a command to the point of causing more friction. He even came here to say how he did it to be malicious. So, 🤷♂️🤷♀️🤷
eyeroll at the pedantism
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u/bjizzle184957 1d ago
I never once said he was taking a break to ease tensions. Only that he would text her once things calmed down (as things normally do after 1-2 hours) I also never said that his not talking to her wasn’t petty either, just that it isn’t abuse. I know everyone keeps saying he was stonewalling her, but stonewalling is generally due to not being able to handle the conversation at hand or used as a coping mechanism or method of shutting down a conversation one doesn’t want to engage in any longer and isn’t the result of being told to shut up.
The only reason it caused more friction is because OP’s ex didn’t know when to quit. First she tells him to shut up and not to speak to her, but then turns around and demands that he speak to her.
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u/Andylanta 1d ago
Huh. I'd like to vent too but I had one that did the same thing and get mad want I wouldn't retort.
Yeah.
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u/littleprettylove 1d ago
That’s the silent treatment and it’s always abuse. If you knew you were having an argument, then you understood why she told you to shut up. Why would you drag it out and be intentionally cruel? That’s so messed up
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u/Dertyhairy 1d ago
Apparently I started a war? This was many years ago. I tried to make it work, she tried her hardest to make it not work. We have a good time for like a year, then it just went downhill. What you want from me? Lol
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u/MycothropistSquid 19h ago
you thought this was a flex but you're finding out you're both kinda trash humans. neither of you was being decent. the fact that you don't think you did anything wrong doesn't endear anyone. hope you've matured and learned how to be a better adult. you were in a toxic af relationship, both of you abusing each other.
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u/martynic385 14h ago
“Hey now that we’ve chilled out, I wanted to tell you that I don’t appreciate you telling me to shut up” was too hard to come up with?
Not trying to excuse her behavior, but there was zero communication from either of you to avoid this
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u/Dertyhairy 14h ago
Not excusing it either. But you never asked how the relationship started or ended either, or at what point this happened. This was months after having the same pointless arguments. It gets old. You know the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result
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u/AccomplishedEye1840 1d ago
My dad always told me you only tell animals to shut up (foreigner, different beliefs). That is CRAZY.
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u/glenmarshall 1d ago
I'm surprised it lasted beyond the first "shut up".