whats next? for those that continued to stop drinking, how did your life improve for the better after 3 months?

A couple of nights ago, I almost got a DUI. I was visiting my friend in the hospital and binged before heading over. I can't even blame the drinking on them being in the hospital, because I drink daily. I've been on a relapse since last May and it has spiraled just like I knew it would.

On my way home, I hear a siren and see red and blue lights go on a couple blocks behind me. I resigned that that was it, I was getting arrested. As I start to pull over, the lights go off, and I wait for the cop to pass me. I am stunned that I didn't get arrested. Maybe they were just passing through an intersection with a red light and put their siren for just a bit, I don't know. And it doesn't matter - because it doesn't make what I did okay.

I drink daily, and I can no longer handle the amount of shame and exhaustion it brings me. I hate the decisions I've made since becoming a problem drinker. It is hell. Ironically, despite all of this, I have struggled to feel "ready" to stop (how insane is that?).

2 days seems measly and pathetic. (EDIT: I may feel measly and pathetic as a human right now, but 2 days is more than I've had in a long time. Thank you for the encouragement from a few comments). But I have 2 days (ignore my outdated badge). And this time, this is it.

If you made it this far, I thank you. I would appreciate any words about how you learned to respect yourself as a human again. Mostly, I'm just in the dread phase about letting it get this bad. It's hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Almost one week sober.

I am an alcoholic. Even one drink will kill me. It will be the kiss of death. I choose life.

Alcohol is not the problem. Alcohol is the solution. It's just a horrible, terrible, crippling, suicidal solution. Instead of running from the problem, I choose to heal myself. To face the anxiety. To face the depression. To face the shame. To face the self doubt. Once the problem is dealt with, their won't be a need for this solution, in the meantime their are better solutions.

The wound is the self doubt, the trauma, the anxiety, the self hatred. Its the blood gushing out.

Alcohol is a dirty, septic bandaid. It might stop the bleeding temporarily, but it turns the wound into a festering infection.

It's a great day to stay sober.

I posted yesterday morning that I poured my booze out and wrote a letter to myself. Well I put the letter in my wallet, so anytime I want to buy some alcohol I’m forced to look at it. Turns out it worked. It stopped me last night from buying. It doesnt sound like much but I’m no longer on day one. I’m on day two baby now and I can fucking do this! IWNDWYT

Yesterday had all the right ingredients for disaster. A beautiful Saturday, warm sunny weather, no pressing obligations, had plenty of sleep, feeling good overall... Kind of wild that such a good day can actually be a trigger for drinking.

Neighbors were blasting music having a good time, people were active outside, and it really made me take a step back and analyze my cravings. I called someone with lots of sobriety, stepped outside to walk the dogs, and played the tape forward.

Thankful for waking up on the right side today, IWNDWYT

I remember when not drinking for 1 felt like an insurmountable task. I would wake up and immediate start trying to recreate what happened the day/night before. I know we watched something on tv last night, I can’t for the life of me remember what. I know I made dinner, what did I cook. I feel awful. I really should try not to drink tonight, maybe even the entire week, yeah, that seems like a reasonable goal, oh wait, we have that work think on Thursday, I guess I really can’t not drink this week.

Day progresses. I don’t feel that bad, a gin and tonic sounds delicious, maybe I’ll have a glass of white while I’m fixing dinner, there is only a little bit left I’ll probably just finish this before opening some red to go with the dinner.

What did we watch last night?

I’m so happy I’m not in that loop anymore. If you are, I promise it is better out here. Not perfect but much closer to it.

I used to love being altered. I have learned to love being clear.

IWNDWT friends. 🙏😌

Just like the title says and my name says. I’m 10 years sober today. I honestly can’t believe it. Ten years ago I was in the hospital and my pregnant girlfriend told me she couldn’t take care of two kids at the same time. I told her to give me one last chance, and I’d get my shit together. Here’s my story. If I can do it YOU CAN TOO! It’s a long story but here it goes.

December of 2012 I proposed to my fiancé in Jamaica. I was so happy and believed I’d be with this woman forever. I had just sold my MMA gym and we were living in Jacksonville Florida. Honestly, I was depressed after losing my gym and started drinking to excess, which I had always thought was ok because I was young and was only drinking at night with my friends. However, this time it was different. I was isolated, with my new fiancé, in an area I didn’t know anyone. I drank so much that I ended up pushing away my fiancé and she asked if she could join the Navy. I was all for it, hell, in my mind I thought it would be cool traveling with her and starting a family. Honestly, looking back now, I was pretty young and dumb. Anyway, my fiancé ends up going to boot, coming out, finding some other guy, breaks up with me, and immediately shacks up with dude, paying for the hotel on a joint card.

Safe to say, I spiraled hard. Ended up going to a therapist because I was so depressed and suicidal. The moron prescribed me Xanax. There are months that I don’t remember. I would drink and take Xanax every single day. I’d wake up with new injuries, my phone would have a bunch of calls out to my ex and texts to random people. I was such a mess. I was living with my little brother at the time and my dog, Earl. He was an all white pit, but he was the sweetest dog.

Decided it’d be best if I just ended it. Took a bunch of Xanax and drank a shit ton of vodka. I ended up waking up, on the floor, vomiting everywhere, and hours had gone by. I vividly remember it took everything in my body to get off the floor on my bed. I slept all day and the rest of the night. Woke up and couldn’t believe I was such a fuck up, I couldn’t even end it correctly. Ended up getting my shot gun and saying I’m just going to do it. I’ll always remember the feeling of the gun pressed in my mouth with the little ball at the end scraping my bottom teeth. I was over it. I remember closing my eyes and trying to pull the trigger with my toe. Safety on. Gotta try again. Just as I was about to go through with it, my fucking dog burst through the door, that I had thought I shut. He wanted to go for a walk, but I think he felt my sorrow because he just came over and licked my hands. I thought about what would happen to my dog if I ended up doing it, so I didn’t.

I ended up telling myself I’d stop drinking and drugging and try to get my shit together. I went to a detox in Jax and when I got out my little brother was moving out. He was over my shit, so I knew I was not going to be able to afford rent. My fiancé had left me with this place, and my brother was helping with rent. So I knew I was going to lose the house. That week my brother took my vehicle to the gym and ends up totaling it. So, I effectively lost my girl, cat, and home and the only place I could go was to my mom’s house, in Estes Park Colorado. I ended up packing all my things in a Uhaul and headed off to Colorado.

Small hiccup. I relapse because I start feeling sorry for myself. I was two weeks sober and decided to get a huge bottle of McCormicks Vodka and I started drinking in the Uhaul. I was pulled over at a rest stop, but I started getting hammered with my dog and two cats in a Uhaul. On my second day, I hit a guardrail trying to see the Arch in St. Louis. Fuck it, I thought.

Ended up getting to Salina Kansas and start getting wasted on the side of the road in the Uhaul. It was night and I thought I’d just pass out for a few. Nope. Cops came and arrested me and I ended up getting a DUI and spending the night in jail. My pets went to a vet and I had to wait until I was arraigned and I got them out. I couldn’t believe it. I ended up not telling my parents and had to spend the weekend in jail. It was horrible. But, I got to Colorado and couldn’t get my shit together and ended up getting kicked out of my mothers after a few months. I moved into a motor lodge motel and drank myself almost to death. I ended up in the snow one night and almost froze to death. My dog was my savior once again. He has started barking and an employee came to check on him and found me passed out by the door, in the snow.

I ended up going to hospital and someone told me if i didn’t get help I’d die. So I checked myself into Salvation Army ARC in Denver and stayed for 3 months. Honesty, it saved my life, but it was a lot of work. We were yo every morning at 6, devotions, church, then we would work in their factory until 5 pm. We’d get a lunch break and a few 15 minute breaks, but it was brutal and hot/ cold depending on the weather. After work we’d have dinner, 1 hour therapy, 1 hour class, 1 hour AA, and then we’d be told lights out was at 9. It taught me how to have structure again. But it was brutal and I have a lot of crazy stories.

When I got out, I roomed with three other guys I met at Salvation, which was the biggest mistake I ever made. I signed an 18 month lease with them and they ended up relapsing on heroin. I was the only alcoholic. It was the worst, and the first day we moved in together we all relapsed. I ended up driving our Uhaul back to the distributor. Guess what. I got my second DUI, the day that I relapsed. Both DUIs in Uhauls. I am now permanently banned.

I ended up getting out and I knew I had to find a job otherwise I would be homeless again. I ended up going to Bubba Gump Shrimp Company and met a girl there. We end up falling in love, but I was relapsing every two weeks. Then on April 5, 2015, I had gone to court for a few months and was finally adjudicated to go to jail. I had just gotten out of jail for my second DUI and decided I would drink. I drank so much I went to the hospital thinking I had alcohol poisoning. My girlfriend just told me a few days before she was pregnant, so I think I was self sabotaging. She gave me the ultimatum and I knew I didn’t want to lose everything again. She was my everything.

I ended up telling myself that I would get sober no matter what. Each day I told myself I was going to work and work on myself. I read self help books and listened to self help videos. I learned new things and how to do things properly, like shine shoes and straight shave. I told myself that I needed to fill my time or I’d drink. I ended up working four jobs. Not only to fill the time, but to provide for my kid and get out of a house of heroin addicts.

I worked day times at Lucky Strike Bowling Alley, afternoon/dinner shifts at Bubba Gump, and I was a bouncer at a pool hall. When I wasn’t working one of those jobs, I worked day labor at a trash dump picking up the trash that flew off the dump to the adjacent vacant properties. I was able to work and save and after a few months, my girl and I moved out of the house and into an apartment before my baby was born. When my child was born, my boss at the pool hall lived me so he said he’d pay me double if I managed security for his bar and work every night. So that’s what I did. At night I’d bounce and during the day I took care of my kid.

One night, about two years into sobriety, the bartender at the pool hall and I started talking about Making a Murderer. She said, “man, you’ve got such a passion for this, why don’t you become an attorney.” I laughed it off, but she said she was serious and if I took it serious, she’d pay for the test and study with me. My boss agreed with giving me a high-too table at the door and a stool, and I studied for the LSAT every night I worked.

I ended up taking the test and doing really well. At the same time I proposed to my girlfriend and we got married. Two days prior to my marriage, I received a call from a lawschool and was told I was accepted, and they’d give me a 70% scholarship. My wife and I ended up moving to Florida, where the lawschool was, and she worked nights as a bartender and I worked days at lawschool and we both took care of our kid. I graduated law school Cum Lade and I was Editor in Chief of one of our Law Reviews and Board Member for our Trial Team. The bar had me jump through hoops for many years to show that I was sober, but I wasn’t going to mess this up.

I now have three children, a beautiful home, work with my Father who I didn’t think would ever talk to me ten years ago, and I have an incredible life.

Listen. If I can do it, you can too. I was drinking so much every day. I had a Nick name Black Out. I lived to drink. But I knew life would pass me by if I didn’t stop. It has been a hard ten years. But it has been incredible and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

As I was sitting on the couch reading a book I was getting cranky knowing that my quick options for dinner included butter noodles with broccoli or wasting a ton of money on delivery. Then I realized I could just get in my truck and run to get whatever I wanted because the 3 sparkling waters I had were not 3 beers.

I got myself Arby’s and my pup got a treat on the adventure too! The worst thing that will happen is an upset stomach in the morning, as I generally eat pretty healthy 😆 Happy Saturday everyone!

I’ve spent the last day or two really reflecting on my drinking career which has spanned about 20 years (14-34). It’s interesting to look at the progression from the first drink/drunk until now. Looking back there were plenty of red flags but also to be completely honest, a ton of fun with minimal consequences. I Started drinking heavy and regularly at about 17. Around this time alcohol did great things for me or at least it felt that way at the time. I’m sure most of us can relate to the confidence, the connection with friends, the ability to talk better with the opposite sex etc. Alcohol was at this time not a great foe, almost an asset. While some nights and weekends got out of hand from then through my twenties , it never affected work or relationships and still made me feel good. What almost always drank with other people with the intention of having fun.

Enter the early 30s and something changed. I started drinking more often and in higher quantities. I started drinking for different reasons other than “fun” . I stoped drinking with friends and started drinking alone. Instead of feeling confident , I felt insecure. Instead of laughing I’d be by myself drunk and pathetically crying . Lol. Also, when started I couldn’t stop, the morning drink came into play and bender were s new reality. This has been ongoing 2-3 years and I’m finally done. Hopefully. But yeah idk the point of this post really just trying to look at the arc of the progression I guess. The party is and has been over!

Not only has this community helped me stay away from booze but it has also given me hope in humanity. The internet is fucking toxic these days and I haven’t been able to find this level of love and compassion anywhere else. Being a part of this community is such a huge silver lining to my alcoholism. Come to think of it, there are a ton of silver linings to my alcoholism that I can think of. Honestly wouldn’t change it if I had the option. Thanks so much to everyone here :)

This is the first time after countless attempts at day 1s that I’ve made it this far and it ACTUALLY feels like it’s gonna stick.

I am a little bummed that I haven’t lost any weight but I also struggle with an autoimmune disease so I know my body is trying its best to protect me and I’m trying not to feel too bad about that.

What was different this time for me is that my whole immediate family knows that I’m working on my alcohol addiction and sobriety. And I’m thankful to have their support. I have also been able to have less work travel this year which is a big help.

And thank you to this sub for all the support and reminders for why this path is the absolute right one.

IWNDWYT.

And I do a lot of cool shit too! I have a simple life, but it can feel like I am living a dream. None of this would have been possible if I had kept drinking. There's a good chance I would be dead, or have some major fucking problems if I had kept drinking. I know I wouldn't be enjoying my weekends to the fullest. I wouldn't be a morning person either. I'm pretty sure every day would suck! So, yes, quitting is my favorite thing about who I am. 100%

I’ve been following and reading all the messages on this sub for the longest time and you’ve all been such an inspiration! In one hour I will be 1 month and 13 days sober after 30 years!!!

Finally made it! Just found out over the weekend that my soon to be ex wife is already seeing someone and had plans to bring him around our kids without giving me a heads up…but I’m not drinking about it. I’m a little hurt, of course, but ultimately she can do what she wants. Just wish she’d have left the kids out of it until our divorce is final…upward and onward! IWNDWYT

Looks like my counter hasn’t caught up, but I am at 69 days lol

Sipping coffee and watching the sunrise. Sore from a great days work in the yard. My doggo cuddled up next to me.

Makes me think of how much better this is than the sleepless nights and shaky mornings full of anxiety.

Feels like freedom in a way. Not tied by the open hours of the liquor store or what drinks I have leftover from the night before.

I'm writing this so I remember. The short term dopamine rush is a storm I no longer wish to be in.

I’ve always identified as a health nut and as an athlete. I did sports all my life, I work out, try to eat clean, intermittent fast (try to)… but the fact that I undermine each of these habits with binge drinking (and honestly interrupt them due to hangovers or choosing to drink instead) really has damaged my psyche. I feel sad that I can’t identify myself as that anymore.

Anyone else feel the same? Day 2.

Just checking in and patting myself on the back for making it seven weeks without alcohol! I sleep better, I wake up naturally early now. I've lost weight, I'm feeling healthier. Best of all, the anxiety caused by alcohol consumption is gone! I feel much more confident in my daily tasks now that I am sober. I travel full time in my motorhome and the anxiety had me scared to drive this big machine. Now that I'm not drinking, I am fully confident in my ability to drive this thing anywhere I need to go.

Giving up alcohol has been an incredibly positive experience, and I hope that my post encourages anyone lurking to make the leap! I stalked this sub for a year before I finally worked up the nerve to get sober. To anyone struggling with the decision, it's totally worth it!

I've gone 9 months before. Several month long breaks.

Each time I come back, I inevitably abuse it. I tell myself that I can drink in moderation.

A glass of wine at dinner one week becomes a half a bottle once a week. Then a bottle once a week. Then a bottle twice a week.

Then I'm proud of myself if I go one night without drinking.

With. Out. Fail.

I'm now at the age where I can salvage my health but I can't keep this up too much longer before I'm sure I start to see long term damages.

Today, I start from the bottom of the mountain yet again and I'm OK with that.

I hope one of these times I get addicted to how good I feel when I haven't had a drink in a month...maybe this time.

I was in a fifth a day territory for the last couple years. In the 5-8 drinks a day period for many years before that. I’m functioning. Great marriage and family, great job, etc. But I was a shell of a human, living constantly either drunk, hungover, and always level 8-10 anxiety. Blackouts were common. Suicidal ideation was common. And the writing was on the wall. Drastic health consequences, a failed marriage, and a DUI were always just around the corner. Morning drinking, long pulls of liquor, drinking in the middle of the night, the shakes, right side pain. The walls were closing in.

So I started my thousandth day 1. Days 1-4 were hell. Then I started to feel better, and anxiety turned to despondency and depression. Around day 10 I started feeling a little joyful and like things were balancing out. Yesterday I felt amazing. Had so much fun dipping back into things I used to care about. This was an important moment for me. Alcohol would not have made the day better. To see that I can have joy again and REALLY like life without booze was a life changing realization. To know I can sit in the moment instead of chugging liquor in the garage just to feel normal. God I hate alcohol.

Guys, I’ve been in and out of this sub since 2015 when there were only a fraction of the people here. When I say thousands of day 1s, I mean it. In all of that time, I’ve never done 2 weeks. It took two full weeks for my brain and body to heal enough for me to know that life can be better, truly better without alcohol. I would always go 3 days or 5 or 7 and think some variation of “life also sucks without alcohol, at least I used to get relief for an hour or two sometimes and truly have some fun.” And round and round we went. I’m so glad I hung on longer this time.

It hasn’t been easy. I’ve turned down 14 opportunities to drink in 14 days. The universe could tell I was serious this time, so it put work events, happy hours, birthday parties, and a half dozen other things in my path to tempt me. I conquered them all. My “friendships” are suffering, but my family life is thriving. I can’t believe how much better what I thought was my “happy” marriage and family life is doing. It is night and day. There is peace in my home. So much more love and cuddling and contentment. My kids are all doing insanely better. My mom life 1000% loves me more.

What’s different this time? I’m doing intense therapy with an awesome therapist. But more importantly? I was just finally ready, truly ready. I told myself that I would burn down anything in my life that got in the way of my sobriety. I believe that you will lose anything you put before your sobriety. I was willing to lose every friend, my job, whatever. Come hell or high water, I committed to live life on life’s terms. And it’s been a bitch at times. Truly. But I hung on. I waited. I spent at least 15 hours on this sub the last two weeks—reading, writing, supporting others. I can’t thank this loving community enough. Through six different Reddit accounts, you guys were ALWAYS there.

I suffered for so long. So deeply. I was dying. Inch by inch, day by day, drink by drink. All of the beautiful things that make me, me, were being poisoned into non existence.

Now I’m living.

If you’re lurking, if you’re hurting, if you want to give up, call it quits, just hang on. Hang the hell on. Life can be good and beautiful and fulfilling. Put down the thing that is leaving red gouge marks on your soul.

Hang on. Just hang on. I’ll be hanging here with you.

Never going back.

I hit 12 days today, which is awesome, but I’m feeling so stuck and bored right now.

I had surgery a few days ago, so I haven’t been able to leave the house or really get out of bed. I had been treating myself to regular walks outside, trips to the store, and daily drives as a gift to myself for not drinking because those are all things that alcohol made me unable or unwilling to do.

It was really nice, I was starting to feel like a person again.

But now I’m stuck inside, alternating between being propped up on the couch or laying in bed feeling nauseous, and I just want to drink. I’m so bored.

My addiction brain keeps telling me I’ll be bedridden anyway, so what does it matter? I can always just start over.

I’ve been making friendship bracelets and crocheting, reaching out to friends, but it’s still not fully helping. I can’t even eat comfort food because of my stomach.

I’m posting here hoping for some words of encouragement, because I feel like I don’t have a reason to not be hungover tomorrow.

That would not have happened with a hangover.

Happy Sunday!

Seems like it’s been longer to be honest. This is my 2nd time getting this far. I think last time, which was last year, I relapsed around 69 days. Never going back this time!! Never. Life is too good on this side! I WILL NOT DRINK WITH YOU TODAY!

To make a long story short, last week work kicked my ass. I made it through, until Friday afternoon. My boss was pushing me to have a discussion with a disgruntled employee. Took everything I had to maintain my composure, I went straight to the gas station and grabbed a 24 oz modelo afterward. The instant I took a sip I calmed down, it was actually quite effective in alleviating my anxiety at that moment. I finished half of it and tossed it in the dumpster when I got home. However I have fought cravings all weekend as a result. My wife was gone shopping for a couple hours yesterday and I had to battle that voice in the back of my head telling me it’s a good time to drink. I am fully aware of how quickly 1 beer can turn into 6 shots of whiskey a day for me… Damn work stress IWNDWYT!

So this is a big win for me. I can’t recall the last time I went 20 days without alcohol. I have to be honest the Athletic IPA’s (N/A) are really helping. I love the taste! The fog is finally starting to lift and it’s amazing that I can wake up and takle the world. IWNDWYT!

When I was drinking, I'd be shitfaced by now, at home alone, making bad decisions like ordering delivery I can't afford. Now I'm sitting on my couch, drinking hot cocoa and watching TV with my cat. Making good decisions.

I'm at Day 25. IWNDWYT