I posted yesterday morning that I poured my booze out and wrote a letter to myself. Well I put the letter in my wallet, so anytime I want to buy some alcohol I’m forced to look at it. Turns out it worked. It stopped me last night from buying. It doesnt sound like much but I’m no longer on day one. I’m on day two baby now and I can fucking do this! IWNDWYT

I remember when not drinking for 1 felt like an insurmountable task. I would wake up and immediate start trying to recreate what happened the day/night before. I know we watched something on tv last night, I can’t for the life of me remember what. I know I made dinner, what did I cook. I feel awful. I really should try not to drink tonight, maybe even the entire week, yeah, that seems like a reasonable goal, oh wait, we have that work think on Thursday, I guess I really can’t not drink this week.

Day progresses. I don’t feel that bad, a gin and tonic sounds delicious, maybe I’ll have a glass of white while I’m fixing dinner, there is only a little bit left I’ll probably just finish this before opening some red to go with the dinner.

What did we watch last night?

I’m so happy I’m not in that loop anymore. If you are, I promise it is better out here. Not perfect but much closer to it.

I used to love being altered. I have learned to love being clear.

IWNDWT friends. 🙏😌

Just like the title says and my name says. I’m 10 years sober today. I honestly can’t believe it. Ten years ago I was in the hospital and my pregnant girlfriend told me she couldn’t take care of two kids at the same time. I told her to give me one last chance, and I’d get my shit together. Here’s my story. If I can do it YOU CAN TOO! It’s a long story but here it goes.

December of 2012 I proposed to my fiancé in Jamaica. I was so happy and believed I’d be with this woman forever. I had just sold my MMA gym and we were living in Jacksonville Florida. Honestly, I was depressed after losing my gym and started drinking to excess, which I had always thought was ok because I was young and was only drinking at night with my friends. However, this time it was different. I was isolated, with my new fiancé, in an area I didn’t know anyone. I drank so much that I ended up pushing away my fiancé and she asked if she could join the Navy. I was all for it, hell, in my mind I thought it would be cool traveling with her and starting a family. Honestly, looking back now, I was pretty young and dumb. Anyway, my fiancé ends up going to boot, coming out, finding some other guy, breaks up with me, and immediately shacks up with dude, paying for the hotel on a joint card.

Safe to say, I spiraled hard. Ended up going to a therapist because I was so depressed and suicidal. The moron prescribed me Xanax. There are months that I don’t remember. I would drink and take Xanax every single day. I’d wake up with new injuries, my phone would have a bunch of calls out to my ex and texts to random people. I was such a mess. I was living with my little brother at the time and my dog, Earl. He was an all white pit, but he was the sweetest dog.

Decided it’d be best if I just ended it. Took a bunch of Xanax and drank a shit ton of vodka. I ended up waking up, on the floor, vomiting everywhere, and hours had gone by. I vividly remember it took everything in my body to get off the floor on my bed. I slept all day and the rest of the night. Woke up and couldn’t believe I was such a fuck up, I couldn’t even end it correctly. Ended up getting my shot gun and saying I’m just going to do it. I’ll always remember the feeling of the gun pressed in my mouth with the little ball at the end scraping my bottom teeth. I was over it. I remember closing my eyes and trying to pull the trigger with my toe. Safety on. Gotta try again. Just as I was about to go through with it, my fucking dog burst through the door, that I had thought I shut. He wanted to go for a walk, but I think he felt my sorrow because he just came over and licked my hands. I thought about what would happen to my dog if I ended up doing it, so I didn’t.

I ended up telling myself I’d stop drinking and drugging and try to get my shit together. I went to a detox in Jax and when I got out my little brother was moving out. He was over my shit, so I knew I was not going to be able to afford rent. My fiancé had left me with this place, and my brother was helping with rent. So I knew I was going to lose the house. That week my brother took my vehicle to the gym and ends up totaling it. So, I effectively lost my girl, cat, and home and the only place I could go was to my mom’s house, in Estes Park Colorado. I ended up packing all my things in a Uhaul and headed off to Colorado.

Small hiccup. I relapse because I start feeling sorry for myself. I was two weeks sober and decided to get a huge bottle of McCormicks Vodka and I started drinking in the Uhaul. I was pulled over at a rest stop, but I started getting hammered with my dog and two cats in a Uhaul. On my second day, I hit a guardrail trying to see the Arch in St. Louis. Fuck it, I thought.

Ended up getting to Salina Kansas and start getting wasted on the side of the road in the Uhaul. It was night and I thought I’d just pass out for a few. Nope. Cops came and arrested me and I ended up getting a DUI and spending the night in jail. My pets went to a vet and I had to wait until I was arraigned and I got them out. I couldn’t believe it. I ended up not telling my parents and had to spend the weekend in jail. It was horrible. But, I got to Colorado and couldn’t get my shit together and ended up getting kicked out of my mothers after a few months. I moved into a motor lodge motel and drank myself almost to death. I ended up in the snow one night and almost froze to death. My dog was my savior once again. He has started barking and an employee came to check on him and found me passed out by the door, in the snow.

I ended up going to hospital and someone told me if i didn’t get help I’d die. So I checked myself into Salvation Army ARC in Denver and stayed for 3 months. Honesty, it saved my life, but it was a lot of work. We were yo every morning at 6, devotions, church, then we would work in their factory until 5 pm. We’d get a lunch break and a few 15 minute breaks, but it was brutal and hot/ cold depending on the weather. After work we’d have dinner, 1 hour therapy, 1 hour class, 1 hour AA, and then we’d be told lights out was at 9. It taught me how to have structure again. But it was brutal and I have a lot of crazy stories.

When I got out, I roomed with three other guys I met at Salvation, which was the biggest mistake I ever made. I signed an 18 month lease with them and they ended up relapsing on heroin. I was the only alcoholic. It was the worst, and the first day we moved in together we all relapsed. I ended up driving our Uhaul back to the distributor. Guess what. I got my second DUI, the day that I relapsed. Both DUIs in Uhauls. I am now permanently banned.

I ended up getting out and I knew I had to find a job otherwise I would be homeless again. I ended up going to Bubba Gump Shrimp Company and met a girl there. We end up falling in love, but I was relapsing every two weeks. Then on April 5, 2015, I had gone to court for a few months and was finally adjudicated to go to jail. I had just gotten out of jail for my second DUI and decided I would drink. I drank so much I went to the hospital thinking I had alcohol poisoning. My girlfriend just told me a few days before she was pregnant, so I think I was self sabotaging. She gave me the ultimatum and I knew I didn’t want to lose everything again. She was my everything.

I ended up telling myself that I would get sober no matter what. Each day I told myself I was going to work and work on myself. I read self help books and listened to self help videos. I learned new things and how to do things properly, like shine shoes and straight shave. I told myself that I needed to fill my time or I’d drink. I ended up working four jobs. Not only to fill the time, but to provide for my kid and get out of a house of heroin addicts.

I worked day times at Lucky Strike Bowling Alley, afternoon/dinner shifts at Bubba Gump, and I was a bouncer at a pool hall. When I wasn’t working one of those jobs, I worked day labor at a trash dump picking up the trash that flew off the dump to the adjacent vacant properties. I was able to work and save and after a few months, my girl and I moved out of the house and into an apartment before my baby was born. When my child was born, my boss at the pool hall lived me so he said he’d pay me double if I managed security for his bar and work every night. So that’s what I did. At night I’d bounce and during the day I took care of my kid.

One night, about two years into sobriety, the bartender at the pool hall and I started talking about Making a Murderer. She said, “man, you’ve got such a passion for this, why don’t you become an attorney.” I laughed it off, but she said she was serious and if I took it serious, she’d pay for the test and study with me. My boss agreed with giving me a high-too table at the door and a stool, and I studied for the LSAT every night I worked.

I ended up taking the test and doing really well. At the same time I proposed to my girlfriend and we got married. Two days prior to my marriage, I received a call from a lawschool and was told I was accepted, and they’d give me a 70% scholarship. My wife and I ended up moving to Florida, where the lawschool was, and she worked nights as a bartender and I worked days at lawschool and we both took care of our kid. I graduated law school Cum Lade and I was Editor in Chief of one of our Law Reviews and Board Member for our Trial Team. The bar had me jump through hoops for many years to show that I was sober, but I wasn’t going to mess this up.

I now have three children, a beautiful home, work with my Father who I didn’t think would ever talk to me ten years ago, and I have an incredible life.

Listen. If I can do it, you can too. I was drinking so much every day. I had a Nick name Black Out. I lived to drink. But I knew life would pass me by if I didn’t stop. It has been a hard ten years. But it has been incredible and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

As I was sitting on the couch reading a book I was getting cranky knowing that my quick options for dinner included butter noodles with broccoli or wasting a ton of money on delivery. Then I realized I could just get in my truck and run to get whatever I wanted because the 3 sparkling waters I had were not 3 beers.

I got myself Arby’s and my pup got a treat on the adventure too! The worst thing that will happen is an upset stomach in the morning, as I generally eat pretty healthy 😆 Happy Saturday everyone!

I’ve been following and reading all the messages on this sub for the longest time and you’ve all been such an inspiration! In one hour I will be 1 month and 13 days sober after 30 years!!!

And I do a lot of cool shit too! I have a simple life, but it can feel like I am living a dream. None of this would have been possible if I had kept drinking. There's a good chance I would be dead, or have some major fucking problems if I had kept drinking. I know I wouldn't be enjoying my weekends to the fullest. I wouldn't be a morning person either. I'm pretty sure every day would suck! So, yes, quitting is my favorite thing about who I am. 100%

Yesterday had all the right ingredients for disaster. A beautiful Saturday, warm sunny weather, no pressing obligations, had plenty of sleep, feeling good overall... Kind of wild that such a good day can actually be a trigger for drinking.

Neighbors were blasting music having a good time, people were active outside, and it really made me take a step back and analyze my cravings. I called someone with lots of sobriety, stepped outside to walk the dogs, and played the tape forward.

Thankful for waking up on the right side today, IWNDWYT

When I was drinking, I'd be shitfaced by now, at home alone, making bad decisions like ordering delivery I can't afford. Now I'm sitting on my couch, drinking hot cocoa and watching TV with my cat. Making good decisions.

I'm at Day 25. IWNDWYT

I’ve spent the last day or two really reflecting on my drinking career which has spanned about 20 years (14-34). It’s interesting to look at the progression from the first drink/drunk until now. Looking back there were plenty of red flags but also to be completely honest, a ton of fun with minimal consequences. I Started drinking heavy and regularly at about 17. Around this time alcohol did great things for me or at least it felt that way at the time. I’m sure most of us can relate to the confidence, the connection with friends, the ability to talk better with the opposite sex etc. Alcohol was at this time not a great foe, almost an asset. While some nights and weekends got out of hand from then through my twenties , it never affected work or relationships and still made me feel good. What almost always drank with other people with the intention of having fun.

Enter the early 30s and something changed. I started drinking more often and in higher quantities. I started drinking for different reasons other than “fun” . I stoped drinking with friends and started drinking alone. Instead of feeling confident , I felt insecure. Instead of laughing I’d be by myself drunk and pathetically crying . Lol. Also, when started I couldn’t stop, the morning drink came into play and bender were s new reality. This has been ongoing 2-3 years and I’m finally done. Hopefully. But yeah idk the point of this post really just trying to look at the arc of the progression I guess. The party is and has been over!

Just checking in and patting myself on the back for making it seven weeks without alcohol! I sleep better, I wake up naturally early now. I've lost weight, I'm feeling healthier. Best of all, the anxiety caused by alcohol consumption is gone! I feel much more confident in my daily tasks now that I am sober. I travel full time in my motorhome and the anxiety had me scared to drive this big machine. Now that I'm not drinking, I am fully confident in my ability to drive this thing anywhere I need to go.

Giving up alcohol has been an incredibly positive experience, and I hope that my post encourages anyone lurking to make the leap! I stalked this sub for a year before I finally worked up the nerve to get sober. To anyone struggling with the decision, it's totally worth it!

I set up a date with a woman this week, and I was really looking forward to it. We seemed to get along great and she was enthusiastic when we set it up. I texted yesterday to confirm and no response. So I decided to just go to the coffee shop anyway at the time we discussed, and she didn't show. I feel so embarrassed for getting stood up, and I don't even know why. I stopped dating for years, and was finally feeling like getting back out there, now I just wanna go home and drink.

*Update: Thanks for all the kind words. I'm doing much better, having a chill night at home, and I am moving past it. IWNDWYT

Apparently 69 days is a funny checkpoint in these parts, so here I am, proud and sober.

It's been a rocky road, but I'm here and I'm happy.

Stuff I've learnt: *I have no off switch when it comes to alcohol. There's no such thing as just one drink for my brain. I always want more. *The awful roller coaster of early sobriety is slowly passing, and I'm feeling so much less anxious and stressed. PAWS is real, it sucks, but it slowly gets better. *Big milestone celebrations, e.g. my husband's birthday while we were away on holidays, might be hard to navigate without booze (he's still drinking) but even though it's hard - it's achievable. And the next morning, what a big buzz to feel happy, sober and proud. *Problems don't disappear. In fact, they say: "thank God you're finally dealing with me".

So 69 days, though small for some, is big for me.

Thanks for being here, all. I love this community. IWNDWYT 🌻

Tonight I tested my boundaries. Some friends were staying at a hotel room by the arena and told me I could stay if needed. I had my out. What I didn’t have was pressure from the group.

They knew I was taking time off from drinking, but I hadn’t had the uncomfortable talk about how bad it was for me when I was being consumed by it. Current go to explanation is “I’m taking the Year off, a late New Year’s resolution that I’m sticking to.”

And that was that. It didn’t come up ONCE the entire night. They enjoyed their drinks and I enjoyed mine. We had an amazing time at the show and saw a ton of live music, bar hopping downtown. Hell I probably had more sodas than they had drinks lol. Thank god mine were free or my tabs would’ve been ridiculous!

Currently nursing a soda ache with some soothing tea in my home.

1 month ago this would’ve been a different story and I’m proud it turned out this way.

I have been on a three month long bender, I’m down 20 lbs and I feel like shit everyday. I am a bartender, yesterday at work I experienced such severe shakes I couldn’t hold the glass, I have so ashamed and scared for my well being. I have inquired into getting help but I would need to be there for three days. I am working everyday this week, but I don’t think this can wait. I am drinking just to stop the shakes and pain.

Not even because it can be tempting to drink but it’s just fucking annoying when they pass that limit. We all know that limit from chill to annoying in a matter of minutes. I just remind myself that I don’t ever want to be that person again.

I turned 34 today and I’m feeling sorry for myself, so I thought I would reach out to the people who are likely to understand me.

This time last year I was out partying with my friends, I was with the man I’m still in love with and I was on such a high. Or maybe I was just high. Hard to say.

A lot has changed since then. I know logically that most of the changes, if not all of them, were for the best. I decided to get sober, stop the drugs and walk away from the people that would get in the way of that, which turns out was pretty much everyone in my life.

Making these decisions one at a time were the best thing I ever did. I know that. But I’m sitting here alone, in front of a birthday cake, singing Happy Birthday to myself, blowing out the candles and wishing that I had someone to share the occasion with.

Sobriety gives so much more than it takes. I know this too. But right now I’m just thinking that this time last year, I was with people. People that I love. And whether it was real or not, I felt happy and loved and that I belonged.

Can't really say why I'm writing this, except as a way of letting things out.

I've always been close to my dad, and losing him - he was old when he had me - has been a constant nagging worry, tugging at my mind from deep down. Once I was old enough to realise that he was older than many other dads, I started worrying about the fact that I would lose him at a relatively young age. That day came a month and a bit ago, and we've just buried him.

I sat by for days as his body shut down. I talked to him during the brief moments where his mind surfaced. I held his hand as he died.

My fear of losing him was made worse yet by losing first a sister, then a brother. There are those for whom death is a theory until they lose a parent, while for me it has been a reality from a young age - but nothing prepared me for what I'm going through now.

One of the things I was scared of when I quit drinking was what would happen to my sobriety when dad died, though I always thought it would be a problem for further down the line. My wife was worried too. In the midst of this all, I'm proud to say I've not touched a drop, not even from his extensive whisky collection which is now gathering dust. Unlike me, he could drink with exceptional moderation.

But there is an emptiness in me now; a cold, hard nothingness in my chest. I can feel it echoing, crumbling, rebuilding, shifting, falling apart anew, and there are times where it's calling out for the healing balm of oblivion brought on by alcohol's numbing embrace. I can't escape my mind, my hurt, my feeling of having failed my dad.

He was weeks away from his final cancer treatment, but caught an infection against which they found no antidote. He was a man who always found solutions, whether to his own problems or, more commonly, those of others. The man to whom everyone - family, friends, the local community - went when something needed sorting. I flew in not to sit with him as he died, but to speak for him when he couldn't do so himself; to make sure no treatment went untried. To find a cure. I failed him. He died.

I can't escape the thought that, had our roles been reversed, he would have found a solution where I couldn't. That I gave up on him. That I let the doctors give up on him. I let them tell me there was no cure. I let them deprive him of water. I let him die.

If I didn't have my kid, I would be entering the abyss right now. I would dive headlong into what I know is a mistake, but one that offers temporary reprieve from myself.

I wish I could. I'm glad I can't. I wish I could.

That would not have happened with a hangover.

Happy Sunday!

Just wanted to say thank you for everyone that helped me and to everyone struggling right now, you can do it and it's worth it!! I will not drink with you TODAY!

Went to the store to pick up a few bits for the kids breakfast first thing. As I rounded one isle I locked eyes with a guy pulling a four of strong lager out of the fridge. He looked fairly together but had all the telltale signs - red in the face, puffed up eyes, kinda disheveled around the edges... You all the know the look.

It was like holding up a mirror to a potential future self. One that I'm currently moving away from becoming reality, but nevertheless a future that is still possible for me if I don't keep up my guard.

It was also a reminder not to 'other' those in the struggle. He and I are on the same journey, I'm just at a different point along the road.

And remember wherever you are on that road, a change of direction is always possible.

Love to all this sunny Sunday.

Downright embarrassing to post this but it’s time for intervention.

44/male. Roughly a year ago, I began daily drinking. 2-3 sometimes 4 beers a day. Drink of choice is bluemoon as it doesn’t seem to affect my gut health like IPAs or other types of beer (I have Crohn’s disease) drinking is the last thing I should be doing right??? I’m too nervous to bring it up with my GI. Or my GO for that matter.

Why drink?

Stressful job. I work 7 days a week pretty much. I come home pop open a beer and work to a buzz for relief.

Family life isnt super great either. I love my wife, my kid, but the balance of work and keeping my family together has been challenging.

It has to stop! But I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t think I’m drunk enough for rehab. I’ve tried on my accord to cut it out to no avail.

Surely there’s plenty of others in this same boat and I just wanted to share with intentions of some advice on how I should proceed.

If I keep going at this rate, I’ll disappear entirely in 180 days. Ha! Funniest part is that I’m eating a lot more. Late night snacks have been plentiful. Guess the body doesn’t like 2000 empty calories a day plus bloat. Who knew?

Feeling strong 💪🏼

The rush and excitement of the early healing stages have faded. Life has hit back. My marriage was so broken before I quit, and fixing my drinking problem was just one of many steps required. It feels like an insurmountable come back with so much more work left to do. The struggles of parenting two kids under 4 is a lot to bear. Warm weather is a trigger.

I will try my absolute best to not drink with you tonight.

Nice