So I had this group assessment at uni where each of my team mates would present 1-2 PowerPoint slides in front of the class. When it got to my turn i obviously thought I did good but clearly I didn't. When I got feedback on my assessment I got a low mark because my voice was too monotone and I hardly made eye contact with the class. This was a year ago but I still don't know how to get over it, it's like a hard slap in the face that this is my reality and no matter how hard I want to change it's just hard. Does anyone else have random flashbacks of when they had something embarrassing happen or they 'failed' at recognising social cues in the past? Hell I still remember times I messed up when I was in high school.

I feel like full-time work is absolutely destroying my well-being. I also work remotely and feel guilty for even mentioning how hard I am struggling because I know I am very lucky to work from home.

I feel like all of my life skills including time management and social skills are regressing and I am becoming a husk of a person. I'm always tired and dissociated. I struggle so much with managing my life outside of work when I work 40 hours a week and up. I used to have a high tolerance for distress in public and now I can barely go to the grocery store without having a panic attack from the lights and sounds.

Household chores like dishes or vacuuming pile up and my apartment is a wreck by the weekend. Instead of being able to relax and recover on the weekend I am spending it panic cleaning and trying to recover from the stress of work.

I work in customer service so my nerves are shot every day. I am currently taking a college course in IT and computer programming because I am trying to get a better paying job where I don't have to deal with customers.

This week I felt so exhausted I could not bring myself to study. So now my weekend is going to be spent panic cleaning and trying to catch up on schoolwork that got neglected during the week.

On the weekends my family always wants to see me. I want to see them too, but I feel like with all of the chores and stuff that I neglected during the week piled up, I never want to leave my apartment to see anyone.

I feel like I just always want to be alone. But it doesn't seem to re-charge me because I am still constantly detached and fatigued. I don't have any friends or anyone I can go hang out with either.

I am very isolated and live 99% of my life indoors. I live in a bad neighborhood and can't drive so I am cooped up in my home pretty much every day. Time feels like it goes by so fast and I feel like I am wasting away working all day and don't have time or energy for hobbies or anything else that lightens my spirits. I feel dead inside. The idea of living this way until retirement scares me so much. This is not living.

My dad got diagnosed with depression when I was 10 years old as I had too many clashes with my classmates and for a long period of time, he kept asking me to go d*e with him. In fact I had to move to my grandma's house for half a year because he just couldn't see me or a strong sense of despair would be invoked.

My mother revealed that some insurance companies refuse to cover me as the suicide rate of people like me are too high.

Plenty of summer camps/playgroups during my childhood refused me from ever joining again due to my behavior. My little brother was bullied in school for simply being my brother and he started distancing himself from me (which I totally understand)

I'm so glad I learnt to mask more and currently isn't struggling with anything near what I had during my childhood and I don't have too much tensions with people around me anymore and my family lives much more peacefully than before.

I am in the process of making sense of life again after being emotionally cheated on and virtually abandoned by my ex-husband.

I grew up in an abusive and neglectful household and have CPTSD, but I got into Buddhism as a way to make sense of the world. In my Buddhist community I was taught that humans have basic goodness and believed it. It was easier to believe that than believe that some people are just bad and don't care about others.

I married a man who showed signs of lacking empathy and commitment early on, but I overlooked it because there was so much I liked about him, and I believed people were basically good. So I believed that as long as I communicated with him, he would do his best to meet me halfway. But it turned out that the more I communicated my needs, the more he became distant and resented me because he actually never had the level of commitment to the relationship that I had. He was never accountable for his actions and only cared about me as long as it was convenient for him.

I kept fighting for the relationship for years because I thought he couldn't really be like that and believed in his basic goodness. But he was having an emotional affair for years, took no accountability when I discovered it, and then said he wasn't sure if he could be committed anymore. So even though I didn't want to, I felt I had to divorce him to protect myself from betrayal.

After we divorced, I found out that the leaders of my Buddhist community were rapists, abusers, and the like. It made me rethink everything and notice how the belief system primed me to give people the benefit of the doubt rather than recognizing red flags and having boundaries.

My belief system, which originally helped restore my faith in humanity, ultimately wound up putting me in harm's way to have my faith destroyed. Now I am in the process of slowly rebuilding my worldview, and I think people are not basically good or bad. I think they can be anything, and there is only a small number of good people who care about others, and I need to protect myself from the rest.

I just wonder if it's an autism thing to be too naive about human nature and get slapped by reality as a result. Has anyone had a similar experience?

Anytime I point out that a sibling is being rude to me, I am shut down by everyone in the room and called overly sensitive.

I have had so many fights with my sister who has a history of getting physically violent with me, and my dad usually says it’s because I antagonized her.

If someone is going at me, I’m expected to stop engaging instead of expressing why it hurts my feelings.

I am immediately made fun of if I express any sensory discomfort. I make an effort to socialize and interact with my siblings, who refuse to hang out with me. They also feel comfortable enough to rush me or my girlfriend out of the bathroom.

My dad told me that he’s tried explaining my autism to my siblings, but they respond and say that “well she’s too dramatic” or “she’s irrational” and he said the best solution is instead of asking of more patience from them, I instead should be patient with them for not understanding. His logic is that they’ll never understand so I should be more understanding of their ignorance.

If I am in any sort of conflict with anyone in my family, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE in the house will side against me, even if it’s over something like me asking two to stop arguing or me wanting to sit in a seat I forgot someone else likes sitting in.

I personally would like to get away from my house once I’m able to. I’ve been crying every night, I just want to be treated as a human being with compassion. I hate that my autism isn’t acknowledged and that I’m low key bullied by my family the moment I stop masking. I can’t really do this anymore.

Sorry for complaining so much. I guess I just really don’t want to feel alone right now. It’s one thing to struggle at school, it’s another thing to feel scared or unsafe in my own home. This sadness will pass but unfortunately it’s real right now.

Does anyone else find it very distressing when someone talks AT you? Like when you’re just sitting there unresponsive but they keep going on about whatever and going on tangents, unbothered by your lack of interest.

Out of all (potentially autistic?) experiences, I find this one most upsetting. It leaves me feeling violated, drained, and on the verge of panicking, especially when I ask them to stop and they keep talking anyway. I don’t see many people talking about this though so I’m wondering if anyone else experiences it.

Just realized that mine was nostalgia. I’m nostalgic of pretty much everything, as if I was still a child trapped in an adult body. I often catch myself thinking of certain things from my childhood. Let’s pretend I’m going to McDonald’s : I’ll immediatly compare the architecture of the restaurant to how it looked in the past. If I go to a parc with my little brother, I’ll be sad and nostalgic of how the parc changed and how it was better when I was younger.

And sometimes I’ll experience nostalgia on such a deep level I feel a void. Yet I’m addicted to nostalgia. Doesn’t always feel good but I learn so much about it

Most cinema, celebrities, sport matches, and random gossip I just don't understand and honestly it could feel to me like what others feel about me talking about my special interests tho. It makes me feel more like the world wasn't built for people like me.

I remember when I was 8-9 years old me and my family watched a show when we were on a trip and the show required volunteers to be over 18, which the limits drove me angry and I kept booing the performers. The trip got halted and we returned home a couple of days earlier. The route back home was miserable as my parents kept confronting me. I was took to a nearby psychiatrist clinic in the day following.

I was brought to multiple support groups by my parents from my diagnosis at age 9 to when my dad got depression because of me at age 10. But my grandma kept bringing me to the same groups since.

I remember being in a class of 4, two having L3ish autism, and two with L1 autism(including me) in an autism foundation. We became pretty good friends as we had classes every week and played games together.

I was also brought around different hospitals and psychiatrists for counceling sessions and lessons. I'm really thankful for what my parents did to me.

Is anyone else just so uncoordinated and heavy handed when doing literally anything?

All crafting hobbies like crocheting or clay? 75% more difficult than it needs to be because I just can not be gentle to save my life.

I was trying to put tinsel in my hair as a bit of a treat and I ended up knocking my mirror over trying to just move my hand left.

And this isn't even mentioning the times I've accidentally punched someone

Tonight my boyfriend (also OTS) came over after we went out. My sister was at our parents’ house for a while and I didn’t realize that she wanted him to be gone by the time she came back so we could start our movie. It was almost 10:00. When she came back he was still here and the 3 of us sat at the table and talked for a while. He tends to go on and on and on about a lot of topics and I end up zoning out a lot. At one point Chuck E. Cheese’s came up and she asked him “are they still in business?” And he was like “I don’t know” and all this other stuff and eventually she was like “okay, I was just asking a question, you could have just said you don’t know.” I didn’t realize what a big thing it was going to be until later when she got mad at me for sitting there and saying nothing to him. Maybe I thought at the time she could stand up for herself, or that they have a similar sense of humor and she wouldn’t take it so hard that he was being playfully rude.

I tried apologizing, but she told me she didn’t feel like watching a movie tonight, she just wanted to go to bed, and it’s as resolved as it’s going to get between us tonight. I’m going to talk to him about it tomorrow—I love him and I don’t think it’s worth breaking up over, but we have to have this talk because it hasn’t just been this one thing—this other time before, our parents came over to watch a movie and he couldn’t handle them talking while it was on so he shushed them. I know I’ve ignored his behavior for too long. I’m not looking for a pity party. I know my sister’s feelings were hurt tonight because I didn’t do my job and stand up for her. She told me that if her boyfriend had talked to me like that she would have told him “hey, don’t talk to her like that.” She scolded me for being “in love with love” and overlooking this rude side of his personality. I know we’ll make up, we’re going to work on this, she said we can watch the movie tomorrow night, but I’ve been crying because I just don’t know how I could have let this happen.

Has anyone been through a similar situation? What did you do to make it right?

I find that 4 hours is mostly my limit. I took it pretty easy this morning, too, since it's my day off. I woke up at 8, coffee, breakfast, did some dishes. Lollygagged on my phone for a while. Measured out curry spices for my sister. Then 12 came and I'm totally zoned out and need a nap.

I never really payed attention until a few months ago when I had the gumption to get out of the house for a bit and found myself exhausted by the 4 hour mark, even though I was enjoying my time. I thought, "well, of course after 4 hours of walking around and driving, I'd be exhausted." But I'm starting to think maybe that's just my general limit, even if I'm taking it easy.

Anyway, I find it sort of exciting to learn what my limits are and ways I can work with them. I guess I'll see what a power nap does for me.

Do y'all have a similar experience? If so, how do you accommodate yourself?

My mom has always told me not to date or even befreind with people with autism as she thinks that me and the other autistic person would both be unable to understand each other's emotions and emphasize with each other, and she wanted me to be with an NT who could "understand my feelings and take care of me" LMAO

I had to force her to learn about the double empathy problem.

Like I never last in many discord servers, subreddits,group chats etc as I always get into trouble (have arguments with others/get harrased/kicked out etc). I really like the aspergirls subreddit and I hope it doesn't happen here as well. I really want to befreind all of you.

Perhaps i have to act more maturely?

Just here to say this month has been really hard. I’ve been in burnout for a while so this is related to that. (I didn’t use that flair because it gives me anxiety lol)

I’m trying adhd meds for the first time so that I can try to work after about a year of not being able to. I got a couple potential work opportunities lined up, which is exciting, but there’s no clear sign that my functioning is high enough to be able to work. I had a ptsd trigger occur recently so my sensory sensitivities are currently out of control, and I think the fact that it’s spring now and it’s so bright outside is also contributing. Spring is always really hard for me, and made more difficult because everyone else seems so thrilled about it. Lol Damn this is hard.

I had a pretty great couple of months at the beginning of the year. It was bleak and overcast all the time which was easier on my sensory system. I felt happier because the weather reflected the fallow period I am in. It felt natural to rest because that’s what we do in winter. I still wasn’t able to work but I saw friends a few times a week. I was having so much fun with my interests and they gave me such a sense of purpose and excitement. I finally got the stimming thing down and would come home after swimming feeling amazing and would stim dance in pure rapture to David Bowie. Party. I had finally gotten used to being higher support needs and felt acceptance. All the fun parts about being autistic are realllllyyyy fun. I miss being excited about my interests and losing myself in them.

I know that I’m just going through cycles that are natural in burnout and that my interests will come back. Things will get easier. It’s just really hard.

People are disappearing from my life and I don't know what to do.

A couple of people who reached out to me when they knew I wasn't OK, I opened up to them a bit about my recent struggles, because they offered to help or provide a listening ear. But then after that they've distanced themselves or ghosted, and it's the most triggering thing ever.

Another friend who provided support to me during a crisis, I've been reciprocating by asking about them, and how they're doing, and over time it now seems like I've been ghosted.

For a couple people I've opened up to, Ive even tried to go on and change the topic of conversation to something else or something lighter and the ghosting still happened.

I dont know how much of this is my autism repelling people or my trauma, or both?

It feels like the world is saying "I can't help you, go over there and deal with it, away from me". I understand that therapy is important to help people deal with intense mental health struggles, but its so hard to heal from things when you try to reach out and end up losing connections in your life. Even just having someone offer a listening ear means the world, don't have to fix my problems for me.

Maybe you're supposed to keep things to yourself and hide your struggles, maybe if people offer to help or provide a listening ear it's just a nice thing to say, maybe they're more curious than anything, maybe when you deal with stuff you're supposed to shut your mouth and take care of it yourself and not rely on people for support.

Maybe its my autism, maybe I'm being weird or coming across a certain way and don't realize it?

My fear of abandonment is triggered so much and I'm so scared, I don't know what's happening. I feel like me and the world are repelling like oil and water.

Im even scared to read the comments, like will everyone tell me I'm doing something wrong and then I feel guilty that its all my fault?

On top of a lot of trauma/stressful things I'm experiencing, I work from home and I think I'm going to lose my mind from the isolation and loneliness if I haven't already.

https://www.cnbc.com/2023/02/10/85-year-harvard-study-found-the-secret-to-a-long-happy-and-successful-life.html#:~:text=Contrary%20to%20what%20you%20might,Period. "The most consistent finding we’ve learned through 85 years of study is: Positive relationships keep us happier, healthier, and help us live longer. Period."

How do people naturally communicate with others, I've been trying so hard to but it wasn't working..? Not even in a normal way, like they don't like me because I'm different but i guess since I'm "high masking" or independent or whatever i just come off seeming like a bitch? I do have a natural rbf and I've tried just smiling but it's honestly tiring to bust your ass smiling when it's just not naturally coming out, like i do have facial expressions and i do smile it's just not my resting face. I dont know what to do because even when i grew up up and got "pretty" now people try approaching me but it's tiring because i know eventually I'll be too boring for them. I try not to let it discourage me because i have made friends before just slowly and i can again. I think? What do i do?

One of my (31F) autistic friends M (35F) has let the stress of her home life, her extreme phobia of being mocked in public, and her anxiety basically make her a hermit.

M has had these tendencies for years. She struggles to keep jobs due to getting along with management. She has extreme anxiety in most social situations. She’ll develop specific phobias at random. Like last summer, another friend and I had to walk her to a gas station bathroom because she was afraid of restaurant bathrooms for some reason.

Anyways, it’s usually on me or me and my other autistic friends to get her to come out in public again to socialize. But lately, I don’t have the energy anymore.

First, my Dad died six months ago. We had a strained relationship, but it still broke me. I have only started feeling a new normal in the last few months.

Second, I started a new job in January. I work in a restaurant. I enjoy it. It’s not full time and the pay sucks, but I have been happy to have my own way to earn money.

Third, my Mom announced that she wanted to move to Mississippi and expected me to just go with her. We were fighting about it for weeks and it drained my energy. My Mom has accepted that I am now going to move into an apartment with a roommate or with my fiancé wherever he lives. So now we’re at peace, but that fighting has been draining.

Between those three, I haven’t had a ton of energy to be there for M. Tbh, I feel betrayed by her. She hasn’t done much to show me support during everything and still relies on me to support her. I will be there for her, but I have called M out on letting stress control her. I can’t be the one doing everything. I have way too much going on. I’m just frustrated and hurt.

Has anyone ever dealt with a situation like this?

I was a very talkative kid in my early teens, but not with my classmates but with the teachers in class instead. I was always very eager to share extra knowledge to the class when teachers were talking about specific topics and my classmates wanted me out! Therefore I was oftenly asked out to the counselors office by some teachers. Anyone else had this experience during their childhood/early teens?

He is the leading autism researcher in the UK, however I have heard some controversies on his work. However this great podcast I love called the hidden 20% had him on recently.

What’s the background to his work - has he changed over time? Or is he still calling autism “extreme male brain syndrome”?

Hi everyone,

Today is the first day of my autism assessment with a psychologist, and I'm feeling extremely anxious. I had a really bad experience before with a neurologist who completely dismissed me. She told me I couldn’t be autistic just because I seemed "too normal," even though I explained I was masking a lot. That experience left me feeling hurt and like I wasn’t being taken seriously...

This time, I’m seeing a psychologist who said she understands masking and seems knowledgeable, which reassured me a bit but I can’t shake the fear that I’ll be dismissed again, or that I won’t be able to express myself properly due to stress.

I’ve taken notes, filled out online forms, and I will bring my school notes to help give her a better picture. But the anxiety is still intense, and I’m scared things will go badly...

Does anyone have advice for staying calm during the appointment? I feel like I’m spiraling a bit and could really use some kindness right now.

Thank you in advance <3

Like especially those who are doing worse socially and having a harder time. Does anyone feel the eager to help them? Like I almost always volunteer in autism foundations to help people with it. They feel like my people.

Anyone?

Like when I’m feeling a bit anxious about something that is going to happen (especially during conversations when I feel like the other person has something important to tell me but makes me wait), does your heart « jumps » ? It’s not exactly like palpitations or anything. It feels like when you’re on a ride and right before the drop, the heart feels like it goes in your brain for a sec, idk if that makes sense 😭

I’m pretty sure it’s not just autistic people that feels this but I was wondering if there was a bigger concentration of people doing this as autists

For context, my husband is ADHD. Meaning while I have really sensitive sensory overload by both noise and touching, he is the total opposite considering is ADHD + vv affectionate. He will listen to a podcast and have a YT video playing and play a video game at the same time. He also will come up and be all in my face sometimes, whether putting his cheek against mine, touching my face, or kissing my cheeks. And also will just kind try to hug or hold me at times when i’m working or focusing really hard. And even that overstimulates me. Does this happen to anyone else? I’m struggling to understand if this is an effect of ASD or rather some sort of personal issue. I’ve tried explaining it to him and he’s gotten MUCH better about the sounds aspect. But the touching aspect, when i ask that he not do it, he feels like i don’t want his love. And i understand - because most times he’s just being sweet and affectionate. I WISH i enjoyed it more. & Some times i do - yanno when im not trying to do other things. But thats hard for him to understand. :/