r/self • u/Calm-Cucumber-252 • 6d ago

I can smell when people have cancer

Believe it or not, I can smell when someone has cancer. It is the most pungent smell ever, and only gets worse the stronger it is. As a child, my grandpa started smelling funny, and after a while he was diagnosed with cancer. The smell got stronger as his cancer did, until he passed away. I thought nothing of it until my Nan on the other side started smelling the same way, and it got stronger until she eventually got diagnosed and passed away too. That’s when I started thinking wait maybe I can smell cancer (or maybe it’s just a coincidence). I started smelling the smell at varying strengths for people in public, and always kinda thought in the back of my head oh man I think they’ve got cancer. However, it wasn’t until my OTHER granddad got cancer and had to stay in hospital and at 17 I got to go visit him in a hospice specifically for cancer patients. I could hardly walk in the building. There it was again - that SMELL! Do people secrete certain chemicals when they have cancer? I have a strong sense of smell so I could possibly pick up on it. It’s definitely not when they’re going through chemo, because I can smell it on people who haven’t started chemo yet. I am genuinely going crazy trying to find an answer. This smell is horrendous and I just don’t understand why I can smell it when nobody else seemingly can??

Edit: on a long car journey rn, feeling a bit car sick so won’t be replying to any more comments for a while. This isn’t an April fools, I’ll repost it tomorrow if u really don’t believe! Will be contacting more research places too :)

52.2k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

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5.7k

u/BuffaloFart 5d ago

Can I come visit you every couple years for a sniffing… I mean screening

1.5k

u/Mundane-Sea7 5d ago

Seriously, she should charge people for appointments. I'd pay. 🤷

679

u/morcic 5d ago

$5/person. If it takes 5-10 seconds to smell a person in a drive-through setting and the waiting queue is well organized, he can smell one patient per minute: that's $300/hour, $2400/day, $12k/week, $48k/month, $312k/year.

297

u/GeneralTS 5d ago

Then the tax man commith

396

u/ornery_salt 5d ago

... And the tax man smells like cancer

178

u/Draic-Kin 5d ago

Suddenly sounds like a Stephen King novel.

89

u/Xena_Your_God 5d ago

I would read this

7

u/BigChungus876 4d ago

I am reading this..

8

u/RussianDahl 5d ago

I would listen the the audio book

8

u/skredditt 5d ago

Still counts

1

u/Lookingforleftbacks 2d ago

I would too.. and it sounds interesting enough that i might have a little chance of paying attention for more than 1 or 2 pages

4

u/Due_Ad_8045 5d ago

Then one day the smell didn’t leave…

2

u/PAUL-E-D77 5d ago

Brutal

2

u/hitman131313 5d ago

The Smelling Within

2

u/Darth_Draper 5d ago

Final Emanation.

1

u/laziestmarxist 5d ago

thinnnnnerrrrrrr

1

u/DarkAngelAz 3d ago

Or the classic faith healer scam..

1

u/Responsible_Season29 3d ago

I love reddit so much.

1

u/handstanding 3d ago

The taxman cancereth

1

u/Leptonic 2d ago

Actually there's a line in "the talisman" by Stephen King and Peter Straub that fits this post.

1

u/Hector_Smijha409 1d ago

The Smelling

5

u/---raph--- 5d ago

the tax man IS a cancer...

2

u/Xena_Your_God 5d ago

This should have more upvotes

2

u/well-it-was-rubbish 5d ago

And the microphone smells like a beer.

1

u/Jegator2 5d ago

I see what you did here 😀

2

u/GladSuccotash8508 5d ago

only two things for sure in life and that’s death and taxes.

2

u/artem1s_music 5d ago

not because he has cancer, thats just how they smell

1

u/Psychotherapist-286 5d ago

😂😂😂😂

1

u/Money_Month_3995 5d ago

He is the cancer of society 😂

1

u/shez19833 5d ago

shh.. dont tell him/her

1

u/grinch1946 5d ago

🤭🤭

1

u/irottodeath 5d ago

as he should

1

u/soultira 5d ago

This is the most hilariously dark business model ever The tax man part sent me 😂

1

u/random_noise 5d ago

Big Pharma sends hitmen...

1

u/Xena_Your_God 5d ago

Those are called drug push.. I mean doctors*

1

u/baconjeepthing 5d ago

Would you tell him??

1

u/Hot_Project6219 4d ago

I’ve smelled it on a person. No I didn’t tell him, he died shortly after

1

u/Blappytap 5d ago

Album name, dibs!

1

u/chease86 4d ago

"Now I MAY have some news you'll wanna hear but it's gonna cost you...exactly the amount I owe in taxes coincidentally..."

1

u/AlGunner 4d ago

But would you tell him?

1

u/Observer_of-Reality 4d ago

But you don't tell him.

1

u/Flair258 3d ago

but dont tell him

1

u/gumby1004 3d ago

the tax man is a cancer!

1

u/par72565 3d ago

Even if he doesn’t you’d tell him he did!

1

u/callmeadam87 2d ago

And he has to now pay for the consultation as well lol

1

u/Antique_Pomelo8977 2d ago

I like to believe that we will feel different if we felt we have a better say wat taxes were spend on, and accountability for the check and balances

-2

u/Cleetus_76 5d ago

Hopefully

3

u/The_Chief_of_Whip 5d ago

And? It does for everyone

2

u/ManyThingsLittleTime 5d ago

There's an escaping death and taxes joke somewhere to be had here but I'm not that clever at this hour.

2

u/The_Void_Reaver 5d ago

Yeah, I'll still take 180k take home over 37k take home, thank you very much. I'll happily pay the 155k extra in taxes for the 140k more in take home.

2

u/Jalapeno023 5d ago

I heard this from my grandfather: “I would rather have the dollar and pay the tax, than not have the dollar.” It sux to pay taxes.

2

u/FormalCookie430 4d ago

🎶 Tax man ahhh-ah-ahhhh🎶

2

u/killeverydog 4d ago

Net 200k still, 🤡

1

u/Adulations 5d ago

5$ cash lol

1

u/fluffyinternetcloud 5d ago

Want to bet? That’s a 25 cent tax I’ll gladly add to my irs bill

1

u/redvariation 5d ago

Not many tax men left though.

1

u/Covert_Admirer 5d ago

And the Tax Man taketh.

1

u/CreamAny1791 5d ago

Cash only

1

u/ArtisticGrape1552 5d ago

Then the pharmaceutical company comith and op logs out “accidentally “

1

u/stephsationalxxx 4d ago

Cash only. Lmao

1

u/Primary-Vehicle7079 4d ago

Charge the tax man $313k. The tax man has money and will pay appropriately for his life to be saved.

1

u/Darkwings13 4d ago

Cash only lol

1

u/b-side61 4d ago

The IRS would easily sniff out this scheme.

1

u/diya404 4d ago

Not before the cancer smell confirmed the tax man’s diagnosis!

1

u/Necessary-Annual1157 4d ago

Not necessarily. Maybe don't make so much money, word of mouth.

1

u/3rdDegeneration1 4d ago

Not if it's cash only

1

u/Leave-me-answers 3d ago

I’ll do your taxes for free - that way you can tell me how smell each year when we meet.

1

u/Flimsy_Revolution989 2d ago

And the tax man taketh away

1

u/pinayrabbitmk7 2d ago

Cash only?

1

u/External-Zucchini854 2d ago

312k a year at 39% Federal, 10% state, ss, med, etc., you get $150,000- $225,000cash:)

1

u/dunamis01 2d ago

All cash payments

1

u/tigotter 1d ago

Cash only

1

u/FiSToFurry 1d ago

And OP is faced with an ethical dilemma- inform the tax man, or stay silent?

1

u/Lurpasser 1d ago

Remake it into a 'Nose Religion' Zero taxes, problem solved