r/therapists • u/Puzzleheaded_Hat3712 • Mar 02 '25
Theory / Technique Thoughts on fidgets in session?
As a fidgety person, I have always struggled to sit still during sessions. I know in school they always cram it down your throat to be open body language and perfectly still, but I can’t do it. I’ve found that using a fidget during sessions lets me focus on what my clients are saying better as well as observing them. I also can keep the rest of my body still if my hands are busy. I haven’t had a client tell me that I can’t or that they don’t like it when I ask them if they are okay with me using one. I guess my question is, do you all feel that it’s inappropriate for me to use a fidget? Too distracting for the client?
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u/PlatypusPants2000 Mar 02 '25
It can be a positive way to model self regulation for clients. I work with a lot of neurodivergent clients as well and me being able to fidget in session shows them it’s okay to do the same
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u/Putyourselffirst Mar 03 '25
Same for me! I also find i engage better as a therapist if im allowing myself to fidget, and sometimes I'll explain that to clients, usually if they ask. It helps me give them my undivided attention.
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u/Brixabrak LCSW Mar 02 '25
If I don't have a fidget, I'm unscrewing my pen and screwing it back together. Or taking my rings off and on.
And if I'm not doing that, I'm picking my nails.
So a fidget is the more ideal tool.
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u/succsuccboi Student (Unverified) Mar 03 '25
feel seen by the taking apart the pen stuff, hope my clients don’t judge too hard when they see me lose the spring and slowly try to find it by glancing down once every 10 seconds while also attending to them
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Mar 03 '25
Same, I anxiously twist, pop, and crack my fingers and knuckles. The problem is, I'm always anxious.
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u/Izzi_Skyy Mar 03 '25
Yep, I twirl a pen between my fingers. Often drop it and pick it back up and some clients get a good chuckle and we move on.
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u/SorchasGarden Mar 03 '25
Yes to everything said here, especially about dropping anything I'm fidgeting with. 😄
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u/bakeyourfeelings Counselor Mar 02 '25
Very pro fidgets! As someone else said, a good modeling moment- it’s good to demonstrate accommodating ourselves, especially if it produces a more focused you for the client. If I don’t want to use an actual fidget I will wear lots of rings and fidget with my own jewelry or my pen.
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u/conversekid Mar 02 '25
I feel that it is okay if it doesn't distract you or the client. Maybe some moments that would be good to put it down in, but other than that.
In school, at the end of our group counselling practice, my classmate asked why I brought a pen with me to every 'group' despite us not writing. I said that it became habit after I brought it with me the first day and that it is comfortable in my hand and in a way helps me 'be' in the moment. Our prof then went on how it could look like 'distancing' and be a barrier between oneself and others.l, etc. And suggested I get a small rock or ring instead lol. Flash forward, not allowed to wear rings at work, and luckily I always have a pen in hand, and no issues have ever come from same. Sorry, mini tangant/rant lol
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u/istealsteel Mar 03 '25
Wow, I feel seen. I do this exact thing. Always grab a pen just to hold in my hand. Not note taking or anything, just require a pen to keep me grounded. No one has ever commented and I doubt they even notice
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u/conversekid Mar 03 '25
My classmate later apologized for asking, and understood, was just curious (and of course the prof ran with it). I walk around with my pen at the office, in hand or pocket. Great to fidget with in meetings too lol
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u/Ramonasotherlazyeye Social Worker (Unverified) Mar 03 '25
So weird, I feel like I'd think it was strange if my therapist wasn't holding a pen. Sometimes, I scribble a few things just so clients know I'm listening!
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u/conversekid Mar 03 '25
Hahaha very true. I'm always jotting notes, or making margins in boxes in spare time like if a client really has to use the washroom or is looking something up or replying to something quick (kids or other appointments related usually)
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u/NicoleNicole1988 Mar 02 '25
I have a whole collection of fidgets that are just for me, in addition to the ones I have for clients (of all ages) to use as they please. I fidget freely, whenever I feel so moved, but I also stay conscientious of shifts in tone and will stop as needed. There's no way in hell I would be playing with a bubble popper while someone was talking about grief. BUT...if they were fidgeting their way through sharing something very sensitive also, I might choose to match them so they remain comfortable. Or if their fidgeting was actually counterproductive I might visibly stop my own fidgeting and give more intense attention as a way of calling their attention to the gravity of the moment. Essentially inviting them to follow suit.
Basically, no it's not inappropriate to use a fidget, but also it's depends.
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u/NewFlower8505 Mar 02 '25
“Worry stones” are a great small one to use during sessions! They also have rubber ones on Amazon that are textured which I like
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u/thee_network_newb Mar 06 '25
Let me check that out. I love bubble poppers. But this os something different.
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u/Pitiful-Flan-3610 Mar 03 '25
I appreciate you asking a great question as theory and best standards are often the ideal but not the real. And, it sounds like you’re thoughtful and first and foremost worried about your client, which most remain the primary focus. My offering to you would be this—clients are in a power dynamic with a therapist by virtue of being a “patient” coming to treatment, so rather than relying on whether or not a client “is okay” with a fidget (good on you for asking!), know that many will never feel comfortable given the therapist-client dynamic of telling you otherwise. In other words, keep asking, but know many clients will never (for copious reasons) tell you exactly what they think, so a better tool is to gauge progress session by session and revisit that question, fidget and otherwise. Hope that helps!
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u/living_in_nuance Mar 02 '25
I definitely dive in my fidget basket in my room for myself. In session, I keep it to ones that are more textural versus the ones that have noise/movement. Sometimes I hold my water bottle and that can be enough, along with mindful sips of my water.
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u/jnola18 Mar 03 '25
I definitely use my water bottle as a “fidget” too and it’s a great way to get my water in for the day. A win/win
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u/alienofamerica Mar 02 '25
I am neurodivergent and my clients are all neurodivergent. I have a literal fidget bucket, for both myself and my clients to use during session. It helps me focus to use fidgets and my clients love it because it normalizes it for them.
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u/Repressedcowboy Therapist outside North America (Unverified) Mar 02 '25
Go for it - better to have you fidgeting and focussed than struggling to sit still and be unfocused.
I use fidgets all the time, but found it helpful for the therapeutic relationship to say to clients why I’m using them so there is no misunderstanding.
I think it’s also a good chance to model communication of needs :)
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u/assortedfrogs Social Worker (Unverified) Mar 02 '25
I work with kids so fidgets are always available for everyone. I have multiple team meetings where in our agreements fidgets must be available- for kids & adults! Even when I only worked with adults I always had fidgets. The only time I’ve had a client break a fidget was actually an adult
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u/miss_little_lady Mar 02 '25
I work on a college campus and have a bowl of various fidgets for my clients to use. I have my own small pile of fidgets that I use in session for myself. None of my clients have ever said anything about my use and have even noticed and said "oh that's a good one! I need a fidget!" They then will find one to play with all session.
As another commenter said, use it within reason. If someone was disclosing something significant, I'll put my fidget down to give full attention. But most days, it's not an issue to use one throughout.
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u/kiroki-chan Mar 02 '25
search for fidget rings! my fidget rings have saved me from going crazy sitting still.
when i was going to school, in practicum my professor advised me to use "silent" fidgets. like flexing and unflexing my toes (since you're likely wearing shoes) or playing with rings.
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u/QueenPooper13 Mar 02 '25
I am a big believer (and user) of fidgets during sessions, for me and the client. When I was in an office setting, I had a basket of fidgets on the end table by the client chairs, and another basket on my desk. I never had any clients have problems with it.
As an alternative to the more obvious fidgets, I also have a number of necklaces that are really long. They hang about midway down my torso, and when I sit down, the end is right about hand level for me. So, if I don't want to you an obvious fidget or if it is not an appropriate setting, I could still move my hands in a less obvious way by playing with the charm at the end of my necklace.
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u/One_Science9954 Mar 02 '25
Ask them if it would be okay for you to use and to let you know if they’re distracted by it
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u/PrismaticStardrop Art Therapist, Psychotherapist Mar 03 '25
I’m ND and see ND clients. I have a bucket of fidgets in my office and welcome folks to bring their own as well
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u/radraz26 Mar 03 '25
I have a spinner ring that I can't live without lol.
If you have a fidget. You better have enough for everyone haha
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u/HelpImOverthinking Mar 02 '25
I had a professor in grad school who was a therapist and she said she has a fidget ring but some clients are really distracted by it. I think I wouldn't really bring it up, but if they seem distracted, don't do it with those clients.
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u/omgforeal Mar 03 '25
I have a spinner ring (that actually has my daughters’ birthstones and names) that is perfect for discreet fidgeting. Maybe looking into spinner rings or jewelry that’s conducive to fidgeting.
Here’s a quick link for reference. This is similar to what have:
But truthfully if I had a therapist fidgeting w a fidget tool I wouldn’t think anything of it. I know a few who do it during their telehealth calls for sure.
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u/alwaysouroboros Mar 03 '25
I think it’s okay as long as it is not a distraction to the client. Sometimes less distracting fidgets can be writing or pressing into something soft so it doesn’t make noise.
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u/MTM2130 Mar 03 '25
As a person with misophonia (and thus misokinesia) that would drive me nuts. I fidget under the camera line in telesessions only.
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u/Far_Interaction8477 Mar 02 '25
I say go for it. It would likely make many patients feel more comfortable, if anything. Accupressure rings aren't very noticeable if you want to keep it low-key.
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u/Sweet-Fault8030 Mar 02 '25
I use fidgets in sessions. Worry stones, small squishy fidgets, etc. I think it’s great and it helps me focus.
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u/Pinkopia RP Qualifying (Unverified) Mar 03 '25
I usually don't use an actual fidget because I handwrite notes in session, but I do often tell my clients when I offer them fidgets that my pencil is basically a professional looking fidget so that they feel more at ease fidgeting when I'm not. And its true, too, half the time I'm not even writing, I just like having something in my hand LOL
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u/Wikeni Mar 03 '25
I have a container full of fidgets for whoever wants to use them. Sometimes I’ll use them in group to help normalize and help myself focus, but in individual sessions I’ve found it’s more distracting for me, personally. I encourage my clients to use them though, and most do. I’m really enthusiastic about their use.
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u/Lg666___ Mar 03 '25
Depends on how your client views it. I'll be honest, I'd find it distracting. It would be weird for me to share sensitive things about my life while someone used a fidget.
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u/Violet1982 Mar 03 '25
I think it all depends. Most people probably would not notice anything, but I have actually gotten clients who have told me they left a therapist because they couldn’t sit still in session and were using fidget spinners, and different sort of fidgets, and they felt as if they were making the therapist nervous. I suppose if you talked about it during the first session to head off possible negative reactions then it would be more relatable.
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u/True_Stretch1523 Mar 03 '25
Take off your shoes during telehealth sessions and roll a ball (like a tennis or golf ball) under your feet. It feels amazing and it’s very discreet.
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u/B_and_M_Wellness LPC (Unverified) Mar 03 '25
If it helps you listen to me, I don't mind them. Nothing noisy though.
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u/RockyClub Mar 03 '25
I bring them for my counseling support group and it makes it kind of silly. The noises they make, taking turns sharing different ones. It may be slightly distracting but we’re talking about extremely heavy topics and levity can be helpful.
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u/Hikaruichi Mar 03 '25
I am telehealth so it may be different in person. I use a fidget spinner during my sessions, but for the most part the fidget spinner is used below the camera so they don't see it for the most part. On occasion my clients can see the fidget spinner if I move my hand or sometimes I lean on the hand that has it on.. but it actually ends up as a reinforcement and a good topic about how they can utilize them as well. I also use a fidget ring that I wear which would be less noticeable both in telehealth and in person.
tl;dr: I use a fidget spinner and fidget ring. My clients haven't complained. Can be useful for modeling and conversation for coping strategies.
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u/Mama2PL Mar 03 '25
I have a huge basket of fidgets, colouring books,play-doh and kinetic sand. Clients love it.
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u/omglookawhale Mar 03 '25
Having been actually practicing post grad for about 10 years, sooooo many things they teach in grad school is great in theory, but not application.
I’ve cried in sessions with clients, let clients sleep in session, definitely fidgeted, paused session to go to the bathroom or take an emergency phone call, cussed my ass off, etc., etc., etc.
We are people.
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u/Slow-Cauliflower7667 Mar 03 '25
I always tell my clients ya I have a hard time sitting still (usually they relate) and I model self regulation. Sometimes I throw a fidget back and forth with them.
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u/Independent_Brief413 Mar 03 '25
As an ADHD therapist who sees almost exclusively ADHD/Autistic clients it is all fidgeting all the time. Like i literally make sure they know the options during the intake interview and that they are welcome to move around any way that makes them comfortable. I often fidget or doodle as well. I especially doodle if they have voiced that eye contact is uncomfortable, if I am drawing and looking down the pressure for eye contact is gone and they tend to relax.
So I don't really worry about all that formal blank slate therapist bullshit from school, and it has served me well.
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u/megatronandon Mar 03 '25
I’m pro-fidget, because otherwise I take my pen apart or pick at my cuticles. I suggest the marble mesh because it’s silent and can be used with one hand.
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u/AnnualKlutzy3718 Mar 03 '25
I be fidgeting allll session. If my client wants me to actually hear and pay attention fully then I will be fidgeting….most of my clients don’t notice or they’re also fidgeting
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Mar 03 '25
My therapist fidgets with something in his hands all the time. I barely even notice. Doesn’t distract me at all, and I have ADHD, so
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u/emshlaf Mar 03 '25
I work pretty much exclusively via Telehealth and frequently have a stress ball in my hand, out of view of the client. I also spin my pen a lot, though that has sometimes unfortunately resulted in me accidentally yeeting it across the room and having to sneakily grab another one lol
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u/Chronic_wanderlust Mar 03 '25
I have a basket of fidgets near where my clients sit and ib have a few where I sit. I have adhd so my hands always move even without a fidget, whether it's a pen, my badge, etc. Ive never had a client complain. Ive only had clients ask me directly if I had adhd. Don't think too much about it. We're human. A long as it isn't a noisy fidget that will take attention away from what it being discussed, it's not a big deal.
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u/_FeralFae_ Mar 03 '25
My clients are I have taken turns throwing the fidget back and forth using it
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u/SnooBeans5312 Mar 03 '25
I’m sure it’s fine as long as you mention to clients that it’s helpful to you to be attentive and present but also could give them the option or comfort of saying that it distracts from them getting the help they need in session. If that makes sense. And maybe if that’s the case you and the client aren’t the best fit! But they are paying, so it’s worth mentioning to them and explaining.
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u/brain_biscuit Mar 03 '25
I’ve been in pp for 5 years, I’ve never done a session without my fidgets, and I’ve never had a client say anything about it.
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u/thatgirlroo Mar 03 '25
I might be a therapist, but above all I’m a human. I can’t sit still for an entire session. Do what you need to do to work comfortably, so long as it doesn’t interfere with client care.
You’re good. 💕
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u/Ill_Radish_7891 Mar 03 '25
I usually have something in my hands or I'm doing something in the session. I don't feel like we as humans are meant to just sit down to statues and I hate a lot about public schools but one thing I really hate is that public schools focus on snuffing out our childhood energy so we can become adult robots. So in my sessions as a therapist, I usually encourage people to do something other than sit there. It's really awkward to just sit there and stare at someone and tell them about all your traumas at least if we're playing a game and makes it a little easier for me to get into your brain, it's not rude. In fact you're just modeling a behavior you want your clients to exemplify. And honestly, if it helps you that much and a client has a problem with it then maybe they aren't the client for you? I feel like if a client told me that they didn't like it then I would have to tell them that it just helps me focus and if it's that big of a problem, then they have to find another therapist. I shouldn't be severely uncomfortable just because of something one person said. There are too many people in the world who want therapy so if someone has a problem with something as little as that, then it's just not worth it.
on the other hand, though, you can sometimes use that to start up a conversation in therapy about why that may be bothering them. You can ask some questions about it, and you can use that to kind of push the balance of their emotions and that help them work through those emotions better because life is about having to do things sometimes that you don't really wanna do you know? So even if someone does have a problem with it, I still try to make it a therapeutic lesson.
at the end of the day, though there are certain things I do that aren't a discussion. If I get hungry, I have to eat or I'll pass out. If you have a problem with that, then I'll just leave the room, but I'm still going to eat something. I'm not gonna starve myself because someone thinks it's rude of me to eat in session, but I always have that discussion upfront. Same with a fidget spinners – it's hard for me to sit still so I like to do something and with that something is just depends on the comfort level of the client. Sometimes we're playing a game sometimes it's just me fidgeting with a pitch spinner and sometimes I'm coloring.
build a relationship with your client, but there's so many ways that you can use that to your advantage. But also remember what your boundaries are as a person because you can't help other people if you don't help yourself first.
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u/Weird_Road_120 Mar 03 '25
They're absolutely fine, get a big bowl of them if you want to! My therapist had them, and once I have my own therapy space, I shall have them too.
They're a tool that can make therapy more accessible for both clients and therapists, so go for it 👍
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u/Putyourselffirst Mar 03 '25
If i'm not using one, my alternative is usually absentmindedly picking my cuticles. I use a fidget so I am modeling healthy fidgeting and discuss it openly with my clients. I work with neurodivergent clients, so it also models having a safe place to unmask and meet your sensory needs. We have various kinds of fidgets all around our office for clients and staff and encourage people to use whatever one's they prefer whenever needed. We also use lights (like Christmas changing colour ones) for visual sensors seekers and do our best to incorporate scents in when possible, along with taste and weighted blankets. Really whatever someone prefers that helps them engage. As therapists in our office if we want or need them (considering our clients needs), we use them as available also.
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u/baasheepgreat Mar 03 '25
I have used a fidget every hour of every work day for the last 7-8 years and not one single client has ever even mentioned it, much less complained. I have a box of fidgets for them and a collection for me. Often at intake I say feel free to use any fidgets you want; I will always have one or else I’ll be twirling my hair or unraveling my cardigans and we don’t want that.
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u/delilapickle Mar 03 '25
I'm autistic and I just fidget discreetly. I've had to learn to. It's not a bad skill to have - I wouldn't be taken seriously if I used a fidget in a professional space.
My psychiatrist is autistic and doesn't noticeably fidget either, FWIW. For the same reasons.
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u/Infinite-View-6567 Psychologist (Unverified) Mar 03 '25
I think this is a really interesting question, one of those "it depends" ones.
If a therapist is ND and feels they need a fidget of some type and the client agrees it's not distracting, id say go for it. Sure, toss 'em around, whatever the client is comfortable with.
But you may find clients, ND or not, who find it very distracting/irritating. Some clients may find their own fidget use helpful but other people fidgeting very distracting.
So, I guess if it's out of sight, or client agrees, sure. But I would not use a fidget without some agreement from the client.
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u/Popular_Try_5075 Mar 03 '25
Like so many things it's not a hard line of either good or bad. It's varies by individual.
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u/sillygoofygirlyyy Mar 03 '25
I have ADHD and I self disclose that to my clients a lot (I work with mostly neurodivergent individuals) and I will point out that I do have fidgets, but I also address that if they become distracted by my fidgeting or agitated by it then I will stop. most of the time they’ll actually want to play with a fidget I have on hand and i’ll have another. I think as long as it’s not super disruptive and you bring attention to it initially (or not draw attention to it) it’s okay!
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u/Zombiekitten1306 Mar 03 '25
I use unobtrusive fidgets at times and also have a bowl of fidgets if a client wants one.
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u/c0conutprism LICSW (Unverified) Mar 02 '25
I have to have one. I have my faves that are kinda clicky and have a nice sound, but I also have quieter ones if a patient seems or mentions being distracted by it. I’m human!
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u/SpiritusAudinos Mar 03 '25
I use fidgets cause....what do ya know...I am neurodivergent as hell. I always ask clients if it's ok first, but it kinda shows them I have them and they can do it, too.
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u/jnola18 Mar 03 '25
I always use a fidget or one of my Aaron’s thinking putties. Like others have said, it can be a great way to model regulation to our clients. From my experience, a lot of what they teach us in school has to be unlearned in practice. Sitting perfectly still and mirroring may work for some, but it just isn’t natural for me OR my clients, (I work largely with neurodivergent folx). Being your authentic self is way more important than being a textbook perfect therapist. In my intake sessions, I ALWAYS tell them that I have a basket of fidget toys they can help themselves to and that I will also be using some sort of fidget. Just don’t forget to clean them all regularly lol
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u/Puzzleheaded_Hat3712 Mar 03 '25
Aaron’s thinking putty is my go to! Pretty discrete during sessions too depending on how you use it.
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u/justcuriouslollll Mar 03 '25
I have a little bin of fidgets on the table and started using them original to model for my clients that it was ok / encouraged and now I can’t live with out them too 😂 clients have said it made them feel more comfortable! If you want a recommendation I love Speks (they’re little magnets) and all ages seem to enjoy them too!
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u/Puzzleheaded_Hat3712 Mar 03 '25
I just bought my first thing of speks! Haven’t used them with clients yet but they are very cool.
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u/maddogg44 Mar 03 '25
It's a good way to model using fidgets effectively and appropriately. I work both child and adolescents so this is effective. I mostly use an infinity cube to fidget with and demonstrate how it can be used to help rather than be a toy or distracting to others.
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u/Sims3graphxlookgr8 Mar 03 '25
I have fidgets for everyone in my office. Clients love to fidget too. I have a beverage, a fidget, a notepad, and a laptop for quick references and brain farts. Do it how you are most effective.
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