We met online back in the 2000s and fell in love instantly — without even seeing each other. We were soulmates for 18 years, got married 3 years ago to finally start a family as adults, and moved to the US. And right after we moved, he was diagnosed with that horrible, devastating disease.

He was so brave and kept fighting until the very end — and so did I. I was his caregiver: bathing, transporting, feeding him, doing everything I could.

He passed away when he was only 36, and I was 35.

Now I’m in a country I haven’t even had a chance to explore, with no friends, no family, and no life. I spent all that time caregiving, and now it’s over — and I have no idea what’s left for me.

Most of all, I feel like I’ve lost my future. At my age, it feels like it was my last chance to have a family and children of my own. And now it’s gone. And honestly, none of it makes sense without him.

I’ve been to so many support groups, but most of the people there are much older. There’s a generational gap, and they often have strong support systems — families, children, grandchildren. They lived 30+ years with their loved ones.
Meanwhile, I would’ve given anything just to have more time with mine. I didn’t get decades. I don’t have children or even someone who shares my memories of him. Just me — alone, trying to carry it all.

I’ve read so many heartbreaking stories here on r/widowers, and I hesitated to post mine.
But if anyone out there is going through something similar — I hope this helps you feel less alone.

Thank you for reading this

I will never see him or speak to him again. We will not make any new memories. He is not there for me to call on. He is not there to reminisce with. I will not see him smile or hear him laugh again. He is forever stuck in time. I hate this for him.

Being with my husband for 18 years I began to drive less and less being that he drove most of the time. He was a street stock race car driver. So he was excellent driving in all conditions. Today I was driving my dad to the gas station he is 82 going on 83 this year and I’m 44 and today I just felt like driving a bit different. My dad said you should be a race car driver and it instantly made me smile because it brought me back to the day I was actually driving with my husband and he said are you sure you’re not a race car driver and was shocked. So today I let my hair down just for a few moments and it was well worth the smile 😉.

Hi,

It's been sometime since I posted but was wondering how to help my 2 girls. I lost my wife over 2 years ago and we all still struggle mightily at times. I wanted to specifically discuss cemetery visits. For me they are therapeutic for the girls traumatic. I was forcing them to go when I clean up the grave and put flowers out, I am now second guessing this. What are some ways you have memorialized your memories without subjecting the kids to the trauma of visiting the place we laid her to rest. In retrospect it brings them right back to the funeral moments when we carried her casket to the open grave. Love all and TY in advance for sharing.

My wife passed a week ago now, married for 15 years, 4 kids. I have a knot in my chest that makes it hard to breathe, walking seems to help but I can't shake it. After the kids are in bed there is a new silence in the house that is unlike anything I've ever felt. It's more like a void than silence, I can't explain it.

Has anyone else experienced this? Please tell me it gets better??

Since my LH passed suddenly, August of 24, I have been questioning why the pain is so unbearable vs other deaths I have experienced in my life, including pets.

While I'm not fully into Sci Fi stuff as my husband was, I do acknowledge strange happenings and think outside the box. I've always been interested in how the human body works and love learning about things that probably aren't usual for most folks. I'm just naturally curious in general.

Someone in our group here recently made mention of a book, "The Grieving Brain" by Mary-Frances O'Connor, PHD in a posting. It peaked my curiosity, so I went to YouTube and watched several of her videos. WOW, it all makes sense now. Seek and ye shall find.

The connection is our bond attachment with our spouse, unlike no other. In simple terms, our brains have been so accustomed to our lives with our spouse prior to their passing. It's amazing to finally understand why most of us feel the way we do and why it's so emotionally painful from their loss.

Some may say this is all hyped up science crap, and I'm truely sceptical of most everything, but it all made sense from a scientific viewpoint. This isn't taught in regular school, nor explained period in everyday society.

While no exact timeframe can be learned as to when one's brain gets "rewired" or "reconditioned" so to speak, after our spouse's passing, it does give a glimmer of hope things will get better. At least for my understanding anyway. The pain is still with me.

I intend to use this information to my advantage, should it occur, the next time some medical individual, tries to declare my normal grief and mourning as depression. Not discounting that some truly get depressed after the loss of their person.

I surely will be bringing up the subject next week in my support group and educating others in my life about my grief.

So what say y'all? Please share your thoughts and comments.

My fiance's birthday is the 24th April and it's his first birthday since he died 8 weeks ago. I'd just like to know what you do on birthdays. I'd like to do something special but low key that perhaps would be nice to do as his birthday tradition every year.

Weekends are exceptional brutal. Missing him so much. That’s all. 💔

I was widowed at 27, and am soon to be 34. It's been a long journey of healing, though I'm at a point now where life has moved in ways I thought it never would. I am free of the deep depression and loneliness that swallowed me whole for five years. Even so, I have so much grief for the years I lost. I spent the prime of my adult life crying, and screaming, and purely surviving, while my most of my peers had joy, and connection, and exploration, and fullness, and love.

Things now have felt fuller, though I'm still finding my feet and I can't say I'm "there" yet. I've been seeing someone for 10 months, and I've come to the point where I know it's not right and I need to let him go. Alas, it's hard - I'm soon to be 34 and alone again. It took me 5.5 years to find someone I wanted to date, and I'm not sure how long it will be until I find a connection again. I'm scared of being alone, yet again. I'm scared I'm missing my chance to have babies and a family of my own.

I'm not sure I'll ever stop grieving what could have been.

Thanks for reading. I know there are other young widows here who will "get it".

I could really do with some help interpreting this situation- I'm autistic, so struggle to know if there's "hidden messages" in things that people say

My partner died very suddenly and unexpectedly in early October 24', so it's coming up to 6 months since I lost him. We were only together for a year and a few months, but had relocated to a new city together and truly felt like we were soulmates.

In the wake of his death, his mum was really proactive in involving me- that be for planning his funeral, keeping eachother in the loop with results for his cause of death (police have had to investigate it since he was under 30), deciding what to do with a lot of his belongings and other post-death practical things. I got a share of his ashes, and have been included in memorial days they've planned for him. She has always kept her door open to me for when I'm back in our hometown (although she never really initiates a catch up herself) and she's always happy for me to pop round whenever I'm up visiting my own family.

My partners mum and siblings got back to "life" pretty quickly, returning to work and their day-to-day routines the week after his funeral. Me, on the other hand, am still struggling to have any semblance of life or routine- I'm not in work just now and had to put my degree on pause because it was too much to return to after my partner died. My whole world has been turned upside down, and my mental health has gotten really bad alongside my grief. I can tell that hurts his mum to see me like that, as she's been very motivated not to let this loss get the better of her (she's a widow too, so gone through a huge loss before her son), and has been very practical and non-emotional in her ways of dealing with this. She very much wants everyone to "get on with life" and "not let this define you", so when I tell her my life is still at a standstill, I can see her discomfort.

She's always reminding me that I'm young and I've got my life ahead of me, that this can't define me. But last time I was over, she had a different tone right as I was getting up to leave. She said something like "I don't know how else to say this, but you really have to try and move on".

I'm struggling to interpret the way she said this, I'm not sure if she's just reffering to moving on in my own life, or if she's wanting me to take a step away from keeping in contact with her and going to see her every month or so. I know that there will be a time where I have less contact with his family, and it has been getting less and less just with the natural progression of time. I'm not sure if she was trying to say she wants to see less of me, but I don't want to be the one to take this the wrong way and go quiet with her if this isn't what she meant.

Can anyone shed some light on this, or tell me their own experience in how long they kept in contact with their late partners family? When is it time to detach from their family, especially if it was just a short relationship?

Long story short, my bf lost her husband suddenly and unexpectedly. He was loved by his family and community and the outpouring of support for him has been TREMENDOUS.

My question here is what can I do or say to her that shows support to her…everything thus far is for him, because of him. Which is so great, but I want to show her that what she just went through was traumatizing and I want to know what I can say to let her know that I’m here for her primarily. Not to relish in his memory. Or is that what I am supposed to do? Please help me.

EDIT: I am not great at knowing the right words or phrases to use in a situation like this. I don’t want my anxiety or uncomfortableness with untimely death to stop me from being a good friend or partner that she needs during this.

I lost my husband recently and it is so recent that moments continue to take my breath away, where I feel like I am starting to faint. Other moments make me feel like throwing up. Once I am able, get back home or am alone, the crying is not relieving but painful. I do not feel better afterwards, I do not find it stress relieving. I've tried counting 5 things I can see. Are there any other strategies you use when you find yourself in intense emotional pain from this? Thanks, this group has helped me a lot.

Hey all— hope you’re getting along as best as you can be. Just a reminder to feel your feelings and to not let anyone put a clock on your grief.

The kids and I have been staying at my dad’s place— still haven’t gone “home.” Whatever that means. Home was a place and a time where my wife was alive.

I’m about to apply for a new apartment so that we have some space for ourselves— but it just feels like another nail in the coffin.

Every little thing that gets done feels like I’m erasing a part of her.

Closing her accounts, getting through the memorial and funeral, moving the phone plan—holding my wife’s urn.

These things have to be done, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

I still cry a bit every day, but in a healthy way. I don’t like being that way in front of the kids though. People say it’s good that they learn from me that it’s okay to cry, but all I can think about is the long-term implications of my actions and how they perceive them.

I’m thinking about joining a dating app to meet someone to keep me company. I’m not interested in a rushed, sexual relationship— I just want someone who would be willing to do things like walk in the park together or go get coffee, because I know I’m not ready for a real partner yet.

I still feel married in a lot of ways, but I also feel very alone. I’m grateful to the friends and family that have been good to me— and no one will ever take my wife’s place in my heart— but I also know that my heart can grow, the same way it did when I had my second child.

I hope you all have a good day, feel free to message me your story, because not all of you are as fortunate as I am to have the support system I do.

2 years and 4 months since he died and last night I took off my wedding and engagement rings. They're on a chain with his wedding ring and a pendant with his finger print. My hand feels weird.

Am I the only one who is experiencing bouts of terrible anger at random times? It comes and goes. I am battling today.

A recurring comment that I see that being a widow is “joining a crappy /$hitty club” I have a different opinion about that . Just putting my thoughts out there

I think widowhood is unavoidable, the moment we decided to marry / be in a long term relationship. Because everyone will die, 50% of all couples will become a widow . The rest would be the ones to go first . This could be why the traditional wedding vows were written that way.

“to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”

Of course this is an unpleasant experience for all. But not off the table for anyone. As we had all vowed in a similar manner, knowing the day of separation will come. We have always been part of this vow. It’s just that our “membership” was activated at different times

This group on Reddit is a safe space to me. Unlike the other parts of Reddit, there are no trolls. There are no users intent on harassing / belittle other users just for their satisfaction or entertainment.

All widows are welcomed. All ages , all stages, all status. We are free to share our opinion, story , experiences, tears at all times of the day. The post or comment can be of any length. It is accessible to anyone in the world . You are likely to get at least one comment within a 24 hour period . And all comments are supportive . You can join and leave as you please. You can engage or remain anonymous.

I don’t know of any support group / services in existence with this many features and flexibility —- and it’s free. The only rule is that we need to be supportive and be respectful. And I have seen that upheld as far as I can see.

I see our widow status as a necessary stage in life. It is an very unpleasant experience. I also see this space as a Virtual Safe Space. It is a good place to be

Thanks for reading . Wish you all a peaceful weekend

It’s funny because I tell the young ladies on different men’s subs that it’s 2025 and they can ask him out. Well it happened to me. I’m not looking for someone. We are both in a widowed club. I helped her out once moving some stuff around. Nothing attached to it.

Then she asked me out. I hemmed and ha’d. eventually saying yes. I’ve been wanting to ask her out. Even found the perfect place to go. It’s just…. I was at a widowed party and asked a lady to dance. She laughed at me in my face. It was humiliating. I wanted to retreat to my room. It was high school all over again.

I think this lady is pretty cool. Very smart. Definitely the polar opposite of me. Much different than my wife. She is very independent. I won’t be a nurse or a purse. I just wasn’t looking for anyone. Rather I’ve been focusing on living alone. Yeah I got blindsided. Happily though. I really wasn’t looking for anyone.

Nervously excited. Cautiously optimistic.

I knew logically that this would happen at some point. Having a rotation of people come/sleep over every single day isn’t sustainable for a long period of time. Everyone has lives, regardless of whether mine feels like it exploded or not. I haven’t been left alone yet, but I can see the strain it’s putting on my loved ones. My sister mentioned this morning that there may be a day soon where there can’t be someone to sleep over. I know this, this makes complete sense.

The thought of officially being alone in my home, however, feels so unbearable. Everything feels unbearable. It’s just easier to mask it when I have folks around to distract me.

I’m doing what I need to do- I’m in therapy, I have meds, I’m taking said meds on schedule, I got a dog that’s helping with the loneliness. I know that this feeling of never-ending dread and sadness will pass. I just….I need to put this somewhere, somewhere that I don’t have to worry about burdening my loved ones.

I wish he was still here, more than anything. I can’t believe this is my life now.

I found out yesterday that my youngest cousin has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She is is her mid-30ties, married less than 7 years with two young kids. I did not know what to say in the immediate. I wanted to be supportive and did not know what exactly to do in the immediate. I really hope her husband does not join this community with us. I know that cancer is a beast, it took my mom. This is different. I am not sure what to expect from this post, maybe because I know some of you know this as reality. What to say? What to do? How to help? What guidance to give hearing from others who have walked down this path. No need to say sorry to me, it is their pain and struggle that I want to try and help with. So far, I am making food to bring over, for them, the kids and all the people that will be coming over. I am looking into private care options. I am looking to help finance. I don't want to BS them, this will be a tough journey. They also need to have some hard conversations, I know this. I want to help them have these conversations if they need the help. Any thoughts, ideas, suggestions, useful, practical, helpful, very welcome and thank you.

Just over 4 years ago my wife suddenly passed. I am now a single dad of 3 kids 2 still at home 13 and 16 I am looking for other widowers to talk to. Especially when going through trigger moments or on the days that hit me most.

She’s been gone 13 years but is still missed every second of every day.

Be safe out there.

I joined some random dating site for a free trial. Met someone, and we jumped off the dating site to avoid paying money. Some concerns here and there. After 3 weeks, it hits - asking me for money for some financial transaction in Germany as she was visiting there supposedly. (I live in the US and her original profile said the US too). Obviously a big red flag and I didn't give her any money. Then she posts a picture of her "mother" in the hospital. Did a reverse image search and found the photo was some lady in 2024. I should have just blocked her then but was trying to argue with her. She was amazingly good at her scam. She just didn't give up. I reported her and blocked her. Such a f%#*ing messed up world.

Has anyone talked to a medium and what was your experience like? How were you able to find a reputable medium? Does anyone have any recommendations for mediums I could speak with online?

Mercifully there was only 1 person unaware of my late wife's passing so only one very awkward reply to "hey abc, great to see you how you doing?"

Edgar Cayce on life beyond

https://youtu.be/JMk7gKBjUG0?si=blfsYVUaKBRd-JhC