Depression isn't a matter of love or lovelessness - sure, a lack of love can accelerate your depression, but depression is a state of mind. You can love yourself but still constantly feel like there's you're being sucked towards a void with nothing but hell screaming in the depths of your mind.

I also find people who preach for "self-love" often are individuals who have healthy backgrounds, loving parents, are financially stable or have been raised in a financially stable home, and have been dependent on healthy relationships for the entirety of their lives.

It's so frustrating and honestly, it makes me feel so alone how others don't understand that no matter how much self-improvement you invest you are still going to feel like there's no tomorrow.

My wife told me this on Thursday and I've been gutted ever since. She's staying with her parents, and I'm left here alone in this house covered in pictures of when we were happy, a monument to my failure. This is the worst hurt I've ever felt and I don't know how to make it stop.

Like do people actually enjoy their existence? It just feels like a foreign concept to me.

I am so depressed these past few weeks and I am starting to have suicidal thoughts.

I feel like a shell of a person. No joy. Low quality of life.

I've just destroyed my life beyond repair. I became such an intolerable reclusive loser that I lost all my friends, what personality I had has just completely rotted and fallen away. I've built no skills, no real knowledge, in fact i've done nothing but lose parts of myself for almost a decade.

At this point depression might actually be the only thing keeping me alive: if I suddenly became a normal person and had to look at my life unanesthetized I would be flying off a building in the time it'd take me to run to the top :o)

After some time I finally said I only look forward to sleep because it’s the only time I’m unconscious.

I’m realising I don’t really have anything I look forward to. Just living day to day waiting for it all to end. I don’t have any particular goals. I’ve never imagined myself making it this far (I’m 28), so now that I’m here I don’t know what to do. What even is the point anymore?

My therapist randomly ghosted me and when I tried to reach out to her office they told me she had dropped me as a client and gave no reason. Ever since, everything has gotten much worse. My family is driving me insane. No matter what I say, do or help, I’m still a burden. I’m constantly getting screamed at for anything and everything. I’ve felt so bad lately and have just been laying in bed rotting for over a week now. I feel like I have nobody to talk to and nothing that matters anymore. Everything feels so fake. Like I’m living in a fantasy that doesn’t matter. Yet somehow it’s still a nightmare. Idk what to do. I feel crazy.

I have no friends, everyone at School treats me like shit and i am being made fun of constantly. My dream Job is being an Actor since Childhood but i never told because of fear of being made fun of even more. I have nobody to talk to

I’m in the US and having a crisis. I’ve been sobbing in my car for 2 hours. & hyperventilating. Called the local mental health hotline and no one picked up. Should I go to a hospital? What would they do there? I need a way to stop feeling so hopeless. Can any quick medication do that? I want to feel better but don’t know how and it’s urgent. I’m afraid of what will happen if I don’t get help immediately. I want to disappear.

Everyone is always so shocked when somebody commits sui**** .. theyll be like ‘why didn’t they reach out’ ‘ they seemed so happy’ ‘ they didn’t look depressed’ .. we hide it well bc we know nobody really cares. & I can promise we tried to reach out & you told us it could always be worse.

Life is exhausting. I’m so tired, I don’t know if I should endure and be patient or give up. I’m tired of my life, and I feel disgusted by it. How long will this suffering last? 🤢🤮

I have finally been able to start my great aunt back, paying my phone bill, paying for medication/ labs. Now for the negatives I still need to be able to afford therapy and meds for that, i still need to move on from my ex, i need to make freinds, and I need to move out of my smaller town

My life seems to be an endless flucuation between contentment and mental breakdown mode.

Like clockwork, I know trauma mode will always come back, and here it is again.

I moved out of state to a place I'd never been for a temp job opportunity 2 years ago. I never liked the town or job but had a sense of general contentment. When the contract announced it was ending last October, reality set it. I never had a plan b. I have no close friends or family so there's no place to just run back to. Without other options, I signed on with the company even though I said I never would because I loathe the town & workplace environment. The toxicity of the place poisons my body & mind but the overtime opportunities make me a slave to it and I have no idea what else to do.

Without close friends or family, I've always found myself browsing Google maps endlessly thinking of where to go. It's all so overwhelming. Everything is so expensive and I'm an uneducated peasant so job options aren't good anywhere. Everyone everywhere seems so content and right in their place in this world, and Im this family-less drop out who is totally lost.

This endlessly reoccurring trauma mode really makes me wish I wasn't born. I wish I had a close friend or relative to run away to and just admit my total weakness and drop down on their floor with a sense of belonging until I can rebound. But there's noone anywhere. I'm just totally stuck and my mind is crushed & exhausted.

It makes me all the more empathetic to the downtrodden of this world, and all the more intolerant of wicked people. Unfortunately my workplace has so many of them, alot of whom are in power positions. I really just want to run from it all but I know it's a big chaotic overpriced world out there and there is no welcome committee waiting for me.

I'm at a point where I hope Armageddon or WWII starts, or another major pandemic. At least then everyone else will have their content lives disturbed and I'll feel less alone in it.

But I don't want to be like this... Help

I’ve been holding it together for a while or at least trying to. On the outside I say I’m fine, smile when I’m supposed to, do what I need to, but inside I just feel tired. Not the kind of tired sleep fixes, just worn down. I don’t really talk about it with anyone and most people wouldn’t even guess. I guess I’m just tired of acting like everything’s okay when it’s not. Felt like I needed to say that somewhere

I have no sociaI Iife, I am 21 and live a loneIy existence. I disIike Iooking at myself and often feeI like a faiIure. I have no famiIy or friends at all. I have never had a Girłfrienďl, and it feeIs Iike l'm mereIy existing around others without being noticed. My sociaI anxiety and autism contribute to this IoneIiness, making me feeI really aIone among peopIe. LoneIiness has taken over my Iife. For the past year, I've made efforts to change things by attending sociaI events Iike gatherings and bars, but I've had no success. l thought l could even try to find onIine friends but usually ghosting happens though. When I do PeopIe don't even bother to engage when I try to get to know them. it's just me taiIking and trying. So Just My routine consists of going to coIIege and work then returning home to repeat the cycIe. l feeI as though I’m not Iiving just existing. It doesn't heIp that my famiIy doesn't seem to want me around, and Iack reIatives to spend time with.

I told my mom that I felt alone, empty, that I felt like I was just a body without a soul, with a mask covering reality, and she just said, "Oh my God! Do you know how I feel as a mom hearing that? Just pray to God and everything will be okay." Is praying to God really the solution to the emptiness and agony I feel for being a bad person to those who love me?

I genuinely do not know what I want. (Also trigger warning? I will be talking about people’s stereotypical views on depression and people with depression). But I like to think I’m not the crazy one.

I tried to sh today for the first time after my brain telling me to do it many times for months. There has been couple previous attempts that didn’t follow through because I am coward, but this time, I thought I was really gonna do it.

Sure I technically did it (or not; I feel like it’s really not SH based on the result). But nothing close to serious or anything. Nothing. I think I was too scared to actually put force into it. So that was basically pretending to sh. And I feel strange and stupid.

Now the urge is gone after I did that (I am completely fine, basically no harm has been done!).

I feel so, so bad that I cannot stop thinking about suicide and sh and I can’t even bring myself to do a small damage. Maybe I’m not that depressed. So why do I feel miserable? Do I just want to do it because that is something depressed people do? Do I want attention by doing so? I don’t think I do. Then why can’t I actually do it? Am I not depressed enough?

I keep thinking about suicide. And I want to. I think I would be happy if I were to die today, tomorrow, an hour later. But it’s not like I’m going to put effort into making it happen. I do my everyday work, come back, sleep and repeat. I know I’m scared to actually do it. There are so many ways one could theoretically do it. Why can’t I even attempt it? I just constantly think about it but I can’t do it. That has to mean that I secretly don’t want to die? But I hate myself and my life.

It’s so confusing. Honestly I feel like two persons; I can’t really remember what and how I felt when I am better and when I am depressed, I can’t relate to what I was feeling when I was good. Probably after some time passes, I probably would think I was crazy for trying to sh. I feel fine now. How? Why? Where did my urge go?

I just feel… stupid. I am ruining my own life. I wish I can actually do something or just stop thinking about it. Sorry, my writing is all over the place. I just needed to get this off my chest.

I lost both of my parents by the age of 23, I'm an only child. I live alone, I eat alone, I do most of the things alone. My "friends" aren't there for me, all my relationships and interactions are superficial. I can't connect with anyone in a meaningful way. I hate where I'm at and I try my hardest to change my living situation. I'm going through extreme mood swings but the moment I'm honest about any of it, I'm told to be positive, by people who haven't experienced half of the things I've went through. Or they just tell me that's life and I have to accept it the way it is. I know that life is unfair, I'm the one living it, I have a better idea of how unfair and fucked up it is than them but it's just so funny how people are capable of normalizing or dismissing it when it's not their life. Most of the people saying these things to me break down and act as if the world has ended over such miniscule things.

I don't want to pity myself, I would kill to be positive. I try my best to improve my life and try to keep my head up but I'm scared, I'm scared of the history possibly repeating itself because yeah, not everything is under my control and I'm scared shitless of things not working out. I always assume the worst and panic like crazy, not because I want to but because it's what I'm used to, and these people just dismiss all my struggles and tell me to be positive. They still have their parents, none of them went through what I went through but they keep talking, they never listen, they never care. If they were in my shoes and I told them to be positive, they would throw a fit and tell me to fuck off but I'm just expected to smile and do as they say.

I feel like I have no one who genuinely enjoys spending time with me. I hang out in groups of friends and get this feeling like if I wasn’t there everything would be the exact same if not better. no one reaches out or wants to hang out with me or texts me first. I genuinely just feel so alone.

Hello to all who see this. Truth be told I never thought it would type this but here goes nothing.

So let me start off by saying I’m m24, and I’ve been struggling for quite some time now, I’m going to try my best to explain my situation.

I’ve been unemployed for quite some time, an unhealthy time. But when I was younger 16-19 I was doing cover art for mainly rappers some of which are well known. Money was good for a 16-19 year old but realistically not for basic living. I stopped doing it because in the end stages of it (18 at the time) I went through my first real heart break and looking back now I developed unhealthy habits and outlooks on life, mainly no will to live and feeling like even my artwork meant nothing.

By this point dropped out of college as well. So went to work at Wholefoods I worked a regular job for 2 years, made similar money (little less) than what I was getting already doing that. At this point I feel like I let down a great opportunity, a great girl and overall my life, in short I went from talking to Billboard charting musicians to working as a dishwasher, humiliated I guess is the word for it. Instinctively I consulted my dad about what I should do with myself considering I dropped out of college. So he suggested a trade, hvac

At this point things are turning around, my dad tells me about how (falsely) hvac guys make a lot starting out. (A lot being 26-27 hr starting his words not mine) with the certifications etc

I get excited at the idea, being handy already it seemed right.

I get into a school During Covid we didn’t do much handy work due to distancing, so we didn’t way more book work still passed and got my universal cert (HVAC guys know) Life is looking good, at this point in my life I’m healed from the past, and I even start taking up art again, as well as creating a fantasy novel.

I finish hvac school, get a job with a friend of my dad’s whom we will refer to as the boss.

The boss was from what I saw, an older humble gentlemen with his own business ran right outside his house with several vans and a warehouse. I feel good because I liked the idea of building up something so I figured my time spent here will be improving the boss’ company, getting 1 on 1 experience from a master as well.

At this point things are looking good, got a new legit career path, I’m working and working hard. Things are looking good I enjoyed it a lot in the beginning.

My first paycheck was shocking, working full time (40 hours) for minimum wage, when I made even more working less hours at Wholefoods

At first I didn’t mind it, I figured ehh, it’ll be better soon. Cost of being a rookie. Gotta cut back no problem.

Fast forward a little bit, like 2 weeks into working. Im still getting the hang of the niche tools done for certain jobs etc and my boss complained I took too long looking for and gathering stuff. Which looking back I didn’t at all. We will get there later.

Boss tells me to reorganize the main truck we use.

He had a lot of clutter in the truck, and we had no calls, no problem, you never know what you need and we have down time. I put everything neat and in the same general area while telling him how I organized it. He liked it all went well.

Lo and behold the next day he told me how he had to do a job after and got held up looking for stuff, and got angry with me over the phone. I apologized and promised to reorganize according to his liking.

Did just that, only for each day for stuff to be changed and I can tell by that he just threw shit around.

Fast forward some time, to sum up how he was as a boss.

Wouldn’t get paid for sometimes a month on end, he would just write me all of the weekly checks 1 shot. On days there was no work, I would just be told to stay home, no pay or he would make me do yard work in his yard or for his neighbors etc not hvac work at all. Also when I would try to do more in terms of working he would get frustrated and say “there’s no time this is an in an out job when we have a longer term install I’ll have you do _____” So at this point I’m waking up placing a bet with myself that he will be fuming angry about something with me or with a job or his family, or happy and easy going as can be.

And at this point those old feelings came back. I woke up miserable everyday, drained miserable and not myself. Feeling like nothing mattered.

I eventually quit after a year after all of the bs that came with it. Left on good terms but i vowed im not doing hvac ever again.

Fast forward here i am. I dont know what i want to do with my life,

I am applying for an electrical union in a few days. My friend who’s in it loves it, and if you knew the guy, he kind of has a silver spoon life, no adversity ever. So figured maybe if he can do it I can too. But his dad is retired and vouched for him, which he said u pretty much need to know someone. Which I don’t.

Also the friends I have who are in trades have told me that my experience was unanimously unheard of amongst them, and at the same time after all of it, I feel like my dad walked me to into doom and gaslit me with promises of great starting pay.

But deep down I don’t want to take the risk of being in the same situation I was years ago.

I want to have a legitimate career but after this situation with hvac I genuinely don’t want to commit to a trade.

But even then, that’s why I’m here. What else is there? I genuinely feel like school isn’t for me because I feel it’s far too late and even then I wouldn’t know what I want to do.

I feel trapped not only that being unemployed but because I have to live with the fact that I’m almost half way to 30 and I have nothing to show for it, as well as living off the good grace of my dad. I don’t go out I don’t play video games much I don’t do drugs All I really do to pass the time is read books or work on my fantasy novel or try to figure out what I’m doing career wise. I am a hard worker but I don’t want to take a step back and get a job I had when I was 18, but at the same time I need to produce for myself somehow.

Those same feelings are coming back, I feel like worse than ever considering my age and situation.

I can’t see a way out, and I genuinely feel stuck in mud.

Thank you for listening if you got to this point. I can elaborate on certain parts of the story

And to those going through the same you’re not alone.

(EDIT) I don’t have depression clinically, I don’t know what I have but I know my mental state isn’t the best.

Hey y'all. For reference, I'm clinically diagnosed with depression. I'm struggling a lot here recently. My fiancé and I recently moved into a new house and, with her working almost every day and me only working once a week, it's mostly up to me to get the house in order. After a month here, it's almost the exact same. I try so hard (or maybe not? That's the imposter syndrome....) but I can't seem to get it done. I procrastate and tell myself i'm 'planning', I play video games but that just makes me feel worse, and anytime anyone needs anythimg, I get out of the house as soon as possible. I don't know why it's gotten so bad suddenly. I have friends and family whom I can depend on, I have very supportive, loving, and far too patient and understanding fiancé; I, by all standards, should be better off than I am. Yet, here I sit. Idk if I'm just rambling or using this 'reaching out for advice' as another means of procrastination and tricking myself; I just don't know what to do. Thank you in advance for any responses.