Found it at an antique store of $2. Different original owners, but all PanAm. Had to get the one owned by Oppenheimer.

“Worse, humans” - Sephiroth

Decided to channel my frustration and have some fun with 9 of 12 forms of irony.

The Reciprocal American Tariff (RAT) is designed to protect jobs, crush allies, and wrap it all in a patriotic acronym no one wants to question.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a turn of events so baffling it has left fashion icons and political analysts alike reaching for the TUMS, Emperor Ming the Merciless of Flash Gordon fame and rocker-turned-human-Marlboro-advertisement Kid Rock descended upon the White House Friday afternoon in full ceremonial garb to announce a joint initiative that aims to obliterate male fashion — by executive order.

President Vague Enthusiasm (whose approval rating hovers somewhere between lukewarm tap water and unsweetened oatmeal) welcomed the pair with confused but strangely enthusiastic handshakes, later describing the duo as “true visionaries of anti-style.”

Emperor Ming arrived draped in his usual crimson and gold space cape, adorned with more jewels than an off-brand rapper’s Pinterest board. His eyeliner was applied with such brutal force it reportedly scared off three Secret Service agents and made a portrait of George Washington cry. Kid Rock, on the other hand, wore a bedazzled American flag poncho over a sleeveless tuxedo T-shirt, snakeskin Crocs, and what appeared to be leather pants airbrushed with scenes from the Fast & Furious franchise.

The press conference, held on the Rose Garden stage inexplicably converted into a rotating platform with fog machines, featured a triumphant announcement: the “Masculine Monotony Act of 2025.” Under this executive order, the only acceptable male outfits will be: • Robes with unnecessarily large shoulder pads • Sleeveless shirts made from the American flag or discarded motocross jerseys • Pants that look either medieval or like they were stolen from Bret Michaels’ closet • Aviator sunglasses indoors, preferably at night • Facial hair that screams “unlicensed bass pro shop manager”

Emperor Ming declared, “For too long, Earth men have wallowed in the tyranny of tailored blazers and ‘neutrals.’ No more! We shall usher in an era of intergalactic absurdity and beer-soaked patriotism!”

Kid Rock chimed in, shotgun in one hand and an unidentifiable liquor in the other, “Look, if I can’t wear a fur trench coat to a state dinner while quoting Smokey and the Bandit, what the hell are we even doing here?”

Despite bipartisan confusion, several House Republicans voiced early support for the proposal, citing “a bold return to chaotic masculinity.” Senate Democrats declined to comment, though one aide was overheard whispering, “We’re gonna need a bigger bourbon budget.”

Meanwhile, the National Association of Stylists (NAS) has issued a Code Mauve emergency and is currently barricading itself inside the Brooklyn Museum with copies of GQ and tailor’s chalk.

At press time, Emperor Ming and Kid Rock were spotted riding a golf cart through the West Wing blaring “Bawitdaba” and handing out silk sashes that read “YOU’VE BEEN DE-FASHIONED.” The cart was later found crashed into the Lincoln Bust, which now sports a handlebar mustache and wraparound shades.

Fashion may never recover.