I'm a 36 year old female dating a 37 year old male. We've been together for over 5 years. Over the course of our time together my boyfriend has woken me up at night occasionally but in the last year or so it just keeps getting worse.

It's gotten to the point where he wakes me up in the middle of my sleep 2-3 times a week. It's usually for what I consider selfish reasons like last night he tried to wake me up 3 times after I'd been asleep for about 4 hours to go with him to the store to get him cigarettes.

As he tried to wake me up all I could think about was how angry I was. I put a pillow on top of my head to drown him out and tried to go back to bed. I ended up getting about 5-6 hours of sleep total because the sleep disruption caused me to not be able to go back to sleep consistently and I had to get up to go to my 2nd job.

This morning I told him for probably the 10th time he was not to wake me up in the middle of my sleep unless it was an emergency. He seemed somewhat irritated by this and didn't really respond.

Would you just break up in this situation? I'm honestly thinking of giving him one more chance, but I"m not sure what to do. I'm working two jobs, I've not had a day off in two weeks and I feel like he's not respecting my boundaries.

Me (F28) and my partner Kade (M27) have been together for a few years and have a young son together. Two years ago, Kade suffered a spinal injury — a compressed disc — that’s had a huge impact on our lives. He recently had surgery, and while we’re hopeful, it’s been a long, hard road full of triumphs followed by setbacks.

Throughout the last two years, we’ve worked really hard on our communication because I genuinely empathise with what he’s going through. I know he’s in pain and that this situation is incredibly tough on him. But lately, it feels like I’m drowning, and no one even sees it.

Kade has become incredibly moody and emotionally unpredictable. I never know what version of him I’ll come home to, and honestly, it’s exhausting. I feel like a single mum who also has to manage someone else’s emotions every day. I do everything for our son—daycare drop-offs, outings, shopping, bedtime—and I do it all alone. If I get a “break,” our son doesn’t even leave the house. I carry all the parenting, all the mental load, all the logistics.

I never wanted to work full time as a mum, but we couldn’t afford daycare unless I did. And Kade couldn’t care for our son because of his injury. I didn’t want to have children after 28, and now I’m almost 29 with no second pregnancy in sight, and zero capacity to even consider it.

We do have family who are supportive, but they all have their own children and responsibilities. So it’s not like we can just drop our son off when things are overwhelming—it always has to be planned in advance.

The other day, Kade said something really kind and supportive, and I felt hopeful for the first time in a while… but then he acted like a complete jerk for the next four days. I snapped. I told him to get over himself. That he’s not the only one suffering. That his injury affects all of us. That I’ve sacrificed so much—my career goals, my body, my time, my freedom—and I don’t even think he sees it.

Now he’s upset, and I feel guilty for how I said it… but also so angry that no one ever asks if I’m okay. I’m not. I’m tired. I’m burnt out. And I feel like I’m doing this alone.

So… is it bad that I finally blew up?

So I’m in an awkward position, my best friend has admittedly a drinking problem. He’s aware of it and so is everyone else in our orbit. Unfortunately, he’s made no moves to fix it and that has caused a few problems that I wasn’t even aware of until this past holiday season. Over time, I’ve become friends with his friends and I can tell he isn’t thrilled that we get along so well. It’s only natural to feel that way. His friends and I are outdoorsy and so it was natural that we vibed.

With Memorial Day coming up, they invited me to go camping and specifically told me not to invite my best friend. They have already spoken to him about his drinking last Christmas when he got kicked out of their holiday party. I’m conflicted because I’m going regardless of how he feels about it. The diplomat in me wants to soften the blow so he doesn’t feel like I’m replacing him in their group. That’s not the case, we’ve established our own relationship over the years. How can I address that the reason he’s not going is because he can’t control his drinking and they don’t want to deal with the drama like last time they went on a trip with him? I love him and would very much like him to be there, but it’s not my trip and I cant extend an invitation.

We have been together for 10 years. She is the love of my life.

For the past year to year and a half, she's been dealing with severe depression. She's spoken with many therapists and psychiatrists and has tried a few different medications. She has asked for a divorce a couple of times but has always retracted it and said she's just not happy and isn't sure what will make her happy.

A couple of weeks ago she went to a work party and got drunk. The next time I saw her she was very depressed and basically inconsolable. Then last week she started telling me how bad of a person she is and how she did something terrible. She was going to tell me when she felt ready because "it would tear us apart" and how i am the love of her life and she made a mistake.

In the back of my head I'm thinking she got drunk at this work party and kissed someone.

Well, no, that's not what happened. She tells me she's been cheating with this coworker since November of this past year. They were work husband/wife and she told me about him. They kissed after a gathering they were at together.

They had already been texting and snap chatting back and forth. I trusted her fully and never really thought anything could have been going on. Never thought she would do it to me.

But turns out, after that night they were snap chatting back and forth and formed a more emotional connection. My wife described it as "an addiction." From there, in January they met up and she gave him a blowjob and he fingered her in a car.

After that they met up twice in our home. They did foreplay on each other and had sex. Unprotected the first time and they used a condom the second time (but just for PIV...).

After more digging, it turns out this guy (who is also married) disappeared "for about an hour" with another woman at the work party that took place a couple of weeks ago. My wife apparently confronted him and called him a piece of shit and they argued.

After that party is when my wife opened up.

I'm so conflicted. She is the absolute love of my life. I literally have no one else. Nothing to look forward to. Before I met her I was in a bad place and have had my own struggles since we've been together but never really opened about it to her.

She tells me that the reason she fessed up had nothing to do with him being alone with yet another woman. That she was in a bad place and it was an addiction talking to him. That after the first kiss they both talked about how wrong it was but kept going further and further.

She wants me to stay with her. I don't know what to do. Like I said, I don't have much for me here anymore. I told her she has to quit her job and that I will tell his wife. She tells me she can't quit without notice (which is true as it will burn so many bridges) and that I can't tell his wife because she is in a more senior role and also will veto any job possibilities in the vicinity. She also doesn't want her friends at work knowing because "then they'll know how shitty of a person I am."

But they work together. She states they work in different departments but I've seen multiple texts referencing that they see each other on a regular basis.

Part of me just wants to go scorched earth and tell everyone. Tell her boss, his wife, her work friends, her family (she already told her mom).

Part of me wants to work it out. I know she's been going through a hard time with depression. She would cry and cry all day sometimes. She definitely does seem regretful.

But I don't know if I can. She willingly did this over the course of 5 months multiple times. But if I don't then I just have nothing. Nothing to look forward to. I was the one who was beside her worst moments attempting to help her and she did this to me. Multiple times. In my house.

I'm just at a loss. Do I just nip it in the bud and get divorced? Do I try to work it out? My first thoughts when I wake up are about her. She is quite literally my other half and the only thing that makes me happy.

TL;DR: wife cheated over 5 months, had sex with her coworker twice. She's been battling depression and I don't know if I should try working it out or just leaving.

I 28F am married to 30M.

I’ll probably delete this is the morning but I need to scream into the void. I’ve been married for under a year but with my husband for 6. We have a 3 month old little girl who’s fantastic. I’m a first time mom who’s a SAHM. My husband WFH.

My husband’s not dumb just emotionally inept sometimes. I’ve had a lot of resentment building since I was pregnant. His mom tormented me through my pregnancy by talking about miscarriages, still births, and saying ‘dead baby’ to me every time my husband wasn’t around. She denied, he sympathized with me, but nothing was truly ever done.

Since I gave birth my husband’s just been clueless. When I was there recovering he would go home and sleep and leave me all alone because the couch was uncomfortable. I had to call him 20 times to get him to wake up and come back to the hospital because I was lonely. Then when we left he was asking me to carry things to the car with him. The nurse had to tell him I shouldn’t carrying anything, I’d just given birth.

When we got home he complained about his lack of sleep. I was struggling learning how to nurse. He was my cheerleader through nursing, I have to give him credit there. As the first two months went by I was consistently bawling about how sleep deprived I was while he was getting 8-10 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night. It caused a lot of fights because I couldn’t hear him tell me he was ‘exhausted’ without having a meltdown. Then his mom would come over and they’d leave a huge mess for me to clean on more than one occasion. He complained about the basement being messy so I helped him lift things and clean it up. It caused me to start bleeding heavily and my doctor told me I shouldn’t be lifting anything heavy. This is a point of contention because my husband continuously asked me to help him lift heavy things and I couldn’t; so he’d get annoyed. Then he’d complain about it all day.

Now we’re at month 3 and I think my marriage is over. We’ve been distant ever since baby arrived and I haven’t wanted to have sex or be affectionate. Husband has been asking if I’m alright a lot and I say I’m fine. I don’t know what else to say. But I feel miserable and tense up every time he walks in the same room as me. Today he was on my case about walking our dog. I’m so exhausted from exclusively breast feeding and I don’t have the energy to walk her. I had been up since 2:30am with my baby and just couldn’t handle anything else on my plate. So he whined and moaned about doing it but promised me I could nap. I snapped and reminded him that I haven’t slept a full 8 hours in months. He got pissy and stormed off.

He avoided me the entire day and locked himself in his office. I spent the rest of the day randomly breaking down in full blown sobs because I was so tired. 11pm hits and he hasn’t come out of his office so I finally break and go get him. He gives me the cold shoulder and I just break down. All the lack of support just broke me. I told him I hated him, I wish I could go home, and I even mentioned divorce. He calmed me down and apologized for being selfish. When I asked what he did all day he said he napped.

He napped the whole day.

While I was struggling to keep myself standing he was napping. I broke down. I cried and cried. He was apologetic and showering me in sorry’s and I love you’s. For the first time ever I couldn’t tell him I loved him too. Now it’s 2am and I can’t sleep because I’m so distraught. He’s snoring next to me and I just hate him right now. I want to take my baby and run away. I don’t want to live here anymore. Being a single mom seems easier than dealing with all this emotional stress and neglect.

What am I suppose to do? I just can’t believe I’m ready to leave him all because he took a nap.

Update:

I fixed the FTM - it means first time mom not female to male.

So we talked. Well, I talked he listened. I told him I couldn’t do this anymore and something needed to change immediately or I was going to go back home and take my baby with me. He stared at me confused but then he realized I had two bags packed by my dresser and ready to leave.

I finally was able to articulate all the resentment that had been building. His mom’s cruel and careless behavior, feeling abandoned at the hospital and now at home, how it feels that everything falls on to me so he can bring a paycheck home. I realized after saying all this I hadn’t really told him how I was feeling but just continued to bottle it up.

He was defensive at first and I gave him one warning that if this conversation was filled with excuses, I’m walking out. So he stopped and truly listened. He was genuinely remorseful. He only said sorry once at the end, and he meant it. Then he started asking me what I needed him to do.

We made a plan and I finally feel like I can breathe a little easier. He has dog walks handled indefinitely. MIL is banned from the house and to have no contact with me or my baby. Once husband’s off work I’m off duty for the day. I’ll still breast feed because I want to do that. I get a lot of fulfillment out of it and if you saw the way my baby pats my boob when she nurses you would too. Her big hazel eyes are like a drug.

I’m typing this while soaking in a warm bath. I’ve been promised the weekend to decompress and sleep until my hearts content. I’ll pump instead of nurse this weekend and we have a stash of frozen milk he is planning on using. He knows what needs to be done, her routine, how much to feed her, so I know he’s capable. I can actually hear him unloading the dishwasher right now. We are planning on doing something as a couple one day out of each weekend so I don’t feel like just a mom. I can be a person too. We are going to go to couples counseling and I’m going to start individual therapy. (He’s already in therapy)

He didn’t have a dad who showed him what love looked like. He had an adult toddler as a father who threw tantrums and verbally abused him and his mother. My husband often comments on how my dad drops everything in a nano second for me and how he wants to be like that. But he’s not. He’s failing me and his daughter. That was really tough for him to hear.

So, now we take it day by day. If he’s actually capable of change, I’ll have to wait and see. My bags are still packed and by the door. I guess I have them there as a reminder to myself that leaving is an option at any moment I please. That makes me feel a little better. I’m hopeful but not delusional. I know we might not be able to come back from this, and that’s okay. I have to take care of myself so my little girl has a mama who smiles at things besides her. I have an appointment scheduled for a PPD screening and my mom’s planning on visiting the start of next month. My family is ready with their door wide open when I choose to come home. Made me cry to hear my dad tell me he’ll be on the first flight when I’m ready so I don’t have to fly home alone.

Thank you all for letting me spill my guts.

Part one here explaining why I left my husband almost 4 months ago. https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/Q7IzkAX0WY

TLDR; His behavior was emotionally abusive and he refused any accountability.

We are both married and living in Taiwan. Mutual consent divorce is very easy here. One sided divorce is not, one party must prove fault of the other and it can take a while and get messy.

Originally I moved here and we got married to start on his US visa after he had was denied entry in 2022 and given a 5 year ban. He had lived in the U.S. for 15 years which is where we met. In December of last year upon attending his visa interview he was given an additional lifetime ban for misrepresentation. The only path for him to ever go the the U.S. again is for an immediate relative to prove extreme hardship.

We separated four months ago. He denied my one attempt to reconcile with the condition he actually take accountability and work on his stuff.

This week I texted him and we both agreed we do not wish to be together and have moved on. I politely asked for a divorce and he said he still wanted to remain married so he can get his US visa. There are still multiple years left in processing times for his various forms.

Now, I understand his situation is difficult for him but it is no longer my responsibility. If this was that important to him he should’ve been a better husband.

He is not letting this go. I believe I have enough evidence to divorce him under the law here and spoke to some attorneys. It would take at least 12 months for the process.

How can I frame a conversation with him to get him to come to his senses that he is not getting a green card and allow for a mutual consent divorce?

EDIT: Thank you everyone for your very clear advice and support. I have decided to move forward with divorce and meet my attorney this week to get the process started. He was not a good partner, it is just completely absurd and unreasonable of him to ask anything of me, especially this. I am so over it and will be moving on with my life.

I (F, 165cm / 5’5”, 56kg / ~123lbs) had a really upsetting experience with my boyfriend (of 4 months, 6 months dated) and I can’t seem to shake it off.

Some background first: I used to struggle with body image due to an abusive ex who constantly called me fat. At one point, I stopped eating for nearly a week and lost 6kg. I’ve since done a lot of healing and, for the most part, feel confident in my body. I’ve been open with my current boyfriend about this history — he knows how sensitive this topic is for me.

I have a decently healthy diet and workout sometimes (1-2 a week weightlifting) but I do enjoy to snack and dislike cardio.

Before this argument, he used to occasionally joke about me being “fat” or “lazy.” I told him I didn’t find it funny and that it triggered old insecurities. I communicated with him and he stopped saying it for a while.

Fast forward to yesterday — we had a heated argument where I felt like he was brushing off my emotions. It escalated, and he ended up shouting that he was “fed up” and then blurted out: “You know what? I think you’re fat and overweight.”

I was stunned. It felt like such a low blow — and especially cruel knowing my past. Afterwards, instead of apologising, he doubled down, saying there’s “some truth” in those comments, and tried to justify it.

He’s extremely strict with his own diet and barely has any body fat. I think he’s projecting that same standard onto me, and it’s making me feel suffocated. I said I have a self standard I won’t actually let myself to be fat. Then he kept pushing me to define what I consider “fat,” so I told him honestly: I personally wouldn’t want my weight to go over 60kg or my body fat percentage above 28%. I told him that’s just my own standard for myself — not because I think that’s “fat” for everyone, but it’s what I’m comfortable with. He even asked me, “You’ll never go over 60kg, right?”

Then he said he can “somewhat accept how I am now,” but he’s concerned because I’m 28 — “the peak of metabolism” in his words — and he’s worried that if I keep my current lifestyle, I’ll gain weight as I age. He also claimed he couldn’t control nagging me down the line as he wants to see me to be the “best version of myself”.

Since then, I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel so much pressure and anxiety around food. I used to be confident in my eating habits and my body, but now I feel constantly judged — like I need to maintain some strict weight just to be acceptable to him.

And honestly, it’s made me scared: what if one day I get pregnant? Would he be disgusted if my body changed? Would he shame me for gaining weight?

I’ve dated athletes and bodybuilders before and never felt this judged. I thought being in a relationship meant having a safe, supportive space — not one where you feel scrutinised for your appearance.

I’m starting to think this is a red flag I shouldn’t ignore. I’m not sure I want to be with someone who’s so judgemental about something as personal as my body. Am I being too sensitive?

I don’t know how to move past this. I don’t know if I should move past this.

Has anyone experienced something similar? How do you know when someone’s behaviour crosses the line from “concern” into emotional damage?

Trigger warning: This post will contain talk about sexual abuse

I (20f) freaked out on my boyfriend (24m) during intercourse. little backstory: When I was 14 I had gotten raped by a little boyfriend that I had at the time. I was able to overcome that. When I was 16 it happened again but with someone I had just met. Flash forward to today. My bf and I were having intercourse and I completely freaked out on him today. He took offense to this event and his POV is that he feels like I don’t feel safe around him and that it’s not fair to him. I understand his POV I tried to reassure him that it wasn’t him at all and that he did everything right. I ended up having a full blown panic attack and my boyfriend stated he does not feel comfortable around me anymore because of that. Is there anything that I can do to reassure him that it is not him? How can I show him that he is not the problem? How can I also show him my POV? Also this rape memory comes at very random times it’s only ever happened (3x). For some reason I always have panic attacks around this time of year. last year my panic attacks were about my dead friend. The year before that was because i was in an emotional abusive relationship. The year before that was because of graduation pressures. Very random factors to my panic attacks!

Edit: i have freaked out in the past but never led to panic attacks. This is the first panic attack i’ve had since we started dating. Please be kind we are BOTH human. I do sympathize with him because i can see where he’s coming from. I know that must’ve freaked him out too.

I've been together with my boyfriend for about 5 years, but we only moved in about 4 months ago. I've now realised that my boyfriend does not wash his hands after using the bathroom - I can never hear any water running. We have two bathrooms, one of which I don't use at all but he uses almost exclusively, and whilst cleaning this weekend I noticed there's not even any soap in 'his' bathroom! I used to suffer from frequent, painful UTIs (still do sometimes), and now I can't get past the thought that he caused them with his unwashed hands, and even after seeing me in pain multiple times he didn't care enough to change hus habits. I have no idea how I only noticed this now.

I frankly feel very disgusted by this. I'm not sure how to bring it up to him because I never thought I'd need to teach a full-grown man about personal hygiene. I don't want him to touch me and I don't even want to sleep in the same bed with him. How do I approach this?

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a few months, so our relationship is still fresh. He’s on a trip to the other side of the world right now—gone for two weeks with one of his female friends. I’ve heard a lot about her, but she has not heard about me (per my partner), and his friends don’t know he’s in a relationship at all. It feels strange to know so much about another woman in his life without her knowing about me, since I’ve tried to integrate him into my life as well. I want him to be part of my day to day. I want my friends to experience him.

He knew that I wasn’t comfortable with him going on vacation with this friend as I have a long history of unfaithful partners. This situation brings up some past experiences. He’s staying in a hotel room with her, not separate rooms but separate beds. Before he left, he said he didn’t want to have to think about his responsibilities at home and that I was among them. I asked if there was a possibility for us to chat on the phone fo 5 minutes here and there, like a once a day check-in before he goes to bed or like whenever he had a free minute. Even if it wasn’t every day, it would just be nice to hear his voice. His response was that he didn’t want to have to make plans with me. I understood that a loose routine was what he needed, so I just asked that we maybe talk if he has a free few minutes whenever.

His response was “well, what if I don’t want to talk?” And I was just kind of surprised. I can’t imagine being away for weeks and not missing your partner at all, or wanting to hear their voice. We’ve texted a few times to each other. Maybe two or three text messages a day. He was in the hotel room a few days ago, and he had been badly sunburnt. It felt like the perfect time to talk instead of text back and forth, but his response was “I’m tired” and then proceeded to text with me back and forth.

Where we had been speaking every day at least, now, I’m lucky if I get a single message from him at all. If I do, it’s usually when he’s drunk or about to get drunk. I just miss my partner and want to hear his voice.

What can I do in this situation? This has my self-worth at an all time low right now. I’m feeling rejected by my partner. Do I let him know how I feel? Do I break things off? Do I just take a break from this relationship? It seems like he has.

TLDR: my boyfriend is neglecting me while on vacation with another woman. What can I do?

EDIT: I’m sorry for the use of “partner” in my post. It’s just the word I’ve chosen to use over boyfriend since this originally felt more like an equal partnership since I’ve known him for longer than we’ve been dating. I have always felt like the terms “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” didn’t really fit in my romantic relationships. Please don’t tear me apart for that. I didn’t mean anything negative by calling him my partner, I use it interchangeably with “boyfriend” and won’t do this in the future.

I also have Borderline Personality Disorder. This makes it much harder for me to leave. I have looked into every illogical reason as to how this could be my fault or how I’m wrong for expecting a phone call or basic human decency. I’m trying. That’s why I asked for advice. I didn’t ask to create a spectacle of myself to be laughed at. For those of you giving genuine advice, thank you so much. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it right now. For those of you being cruel, I hope you receive the kindness you can’t seem to extend right now. I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done to upset you or make myself a target.

He was married for 8 years and with his ex for 10. They built an amazing life together with lots of adventure, with shared niche hobbies, pets, and a beautiful home.

On our first date he had been divorced for 8 months. He explained to me a bit about his past and how much he loved his wife despite their difficulties. She cheated on him, and he was instantly like “that’s okay, it doesn’t matter, I still want to make it work!”

Except she didn’t want to. She told him to leave, and listed a whole bunch of reasons why she wasn’t happy. ( he told me a few of her reasons).

He came onto me super strong in the beginning of our relationship and wanted to be bf/gf on the second date. I made him wait. I really vibed with him so 7 1/2 months later and we are still together, and now living together🥲 things have moved so fast.

I constantly circle back to the fact that if he went back in time he would have loved to stay with her. It just makes me feel like a #2.

He IS really good at trying to make me feel loved. He recently told me he has never had a winter without a terrible bout of depression, until this year, being with me.

He tells me how amazing I am all the time ect.

HOWEVER, those early days of dating I can’t forget what he let slip about his ex. Ive stalked her socials a lot and came to the conclusion that she and I are quite different, so it makes me feel even more insecure. Idk it’s hard to explain.

He also went through about a week phase early on where he was venting all his frustrations about her. He said she was hateful, had public screaming meltdowns, and constantly criticizing everyone. Along with many other negative personality traits. SURPRISINGLY, this made me feel WORSE. Why would he choose to be with someone who had these qualities unless her good qualities were so amazing and irresistible??

What do ya’ll think? Those who know men better than I, am I simply a consolation prize?

so my boyfriend has recently become really needy when it comes to head. I never really enjoyed it that much but occasionally will do it because I know how much he loves it. but recently it’s been a very long time since he has done it back to me, months. so I expressed this to him and said it doesn’t rly feel fair that I would have to do it to you all the time when u never do it back. so I haven’t done it. in general I haven’t rly been coming from sex as he seemed to stop putting in effort towards it. he is getting help with money from his parents and I am not so he has been lending me money or occasionally buying me food or coffee. he suggests that head is a way to pay him back which kinda icks me out as I feel like he’s paying me for sex. last night he said he wanted to go out for drinks, which I’ve been asking to do for months. he kept telling me to pour us shots and drink more before we left. when we went out we had two drinks and by the time I was finishing the last one I felt rly drunk. I told him I wanted to go home and maybe grab food first. we get in the car and he points at his penis as he drives, and says this is how you get your food. he pulls up in front of the taco bell and asks me for head again. at this point I was very drunk. I did it. and afterwards I felt really gross about it and felt like he took advantage of me. I felt sick on the way back. is it weird to be so upset by this?

Not a throw away cause I just dont care anymore I'm desperate for help. There will probably be typos because im quite frantic, sorry! :(

Together 7 years Married almost 3 Pregnant with our first child (8 months) Homeowners Both drive, both work, both good social groups and family relationships

My husband became distant over the last few months, and when asked about it he explained to me he was unsure about having the baby. Scared, anxious, worried about our lived and relationship etc. We talked this out, he was confident in it being a natural process of becoming a new dad and life changing drastically. He also said id nit been very emotionally available, id been cold myself and not made him feel loved as of late - i apologised and made some big changes to which he said the last month "has been great"

Then, yesterday morning he says I dont make him happy anynore, havent done for years. He says he still loves me, doesnt hate me, wanted to kiss, be intimate, cuddle and look after me when we were in bed. I asked if there wad anything I could do, he said no. I asked if he still loved me, he said yes that he would always love me, always be here for me and i was the number one thing in his life righr now aside from maybe our child when they are born.

I'm at a loss, what am I to do? Hes talked about resenting me a bit since the pregnancy started and being unsure and angry about his life, unsure if this is what he wants etc. Last night he left at about 5pm and didnt return til nearly 11pm (he drove out to a nature spot and did a 8mile hike or sorts to "clear his head". Today is no different, hes left fora scheduled sports event and says he doesnt know when he'll be home, because he doesnt want to be in the house or near me. I ask again if he still loves me, he says he dies and that things would be easier if he hated me instead but he cares for me deeply and wants to see me loved and well.

His parents tried contacting him to offer support and check in, he says its all of us vs him - that his parents are only talking to him for their own gain of keeping our family together for their grandchild. He says theyre "against him". He wont talk to anyone, he doesnt want to see me, he declined therapy and becomes incrediblt uoset when asked questions about our future. Are we getting divorced? "I dont know". Are we going to sell the house? "I dont know".

Has anyone ever dealt with this, or had a friend/family member deal with this? Ive run out of ideas and I cant tell if I should be keeping his affections at arms length and preoaring for a proper split, or if I need to double down and find a way to fix this.

Thanks in advance.

We have been together for 4.5 years, living together for 2.5 years. At first, our sex life was amazing. We had sex daily, if not multiple times a day - he couldn’t get enough. Suddenly, around 2 years ago, he became quite disinterested in sex. Our sex life really dwindled - now, we basically have sex about once a month, if that. This has been weighing super hard on me and I tried again and again to talk to him about it, to find a solution, to figure out what’s going on - anything. But he always just said he is “stressed and tired” because of life stuff. I never quite believed that, because we weren’t less stressed before - and also, life has stressful phases but we don’t even have children yet, so will his libido completely die when that stress is added?

Furthermore, I never quite understood what he was so tired from. When we met, he had just quit college without receiving his degree, and has been unemployed ever since. He wakes up every day around 12 or 1PM. (He does most of our cooking though, contributes to chores and pays his share in rent). Still, I have tried to be supportive and encouraged him to get a blood panel done, to see if he has any decificiencies or imbalances. That came out ok (except for his red blood count(?) which was a bit low, so I got him iron supplements). I still got him all kinds of supplements and healthy stuff I had researched - Zinc, Ginseng, B-Vitamins, Ashwaghanda, etc - to help him feel more rested and energised. I also encouraged him to work out regularly, which he started doing on and off. None of that has helped our issue though, unfortunately. So I bought sex toys - lots of them, expensive ones, everything he could desire. I bought fancy lingerie. I am always showered, flawlessly shaved, perfumed, lotioned. My hair and nails are always taken care of. I take my supplements and eat healthily, too. I wear cute and clean clothes. However, here is the thing: I have gained about 15lbs since we first met. This is mainly hormonal (I am diagnosed with PCOS that I have even been hospitalised for), but I have been very down about it and hating my body. I now weigh about 132lbs (5’4 height). It got noticeably worse when I started to take the pill a few years ago because he struggled with using condoms. I have since stopped taking it, but I feel it really messed up my hormones further.

I’m working on it, though - I am figuring out a protocol to combat the PCOS and hopefully lose some weight. He had never complained about it, though - actually, whenever I would say I looked fat on a photo or something, he would vehemently deny it and tell me I’m being ridiculous, I am the most beautiful woman and not fat at all, etc…. So I never thought this could be the secret reason for our sexual problems.

I will admit that I struggle with working out regularly (I go through phases where I’ll be super disciplined - but often life gets in the way and I’ll be slacking again, especially because I work super long hours in a very demanding job. I love exercise though and know it’s good for my mental and physical health. However, it has never helped me with weight loss at all - only radically cutting calories does.

So, the past year or so has been extremely depressing for me. I have felt so neglected by my boyfriend - no romance, no passion - and often cried myself to sleep at night, yearning for his touch. We have gotten to a point where I now am usually sleeping on the sofa in the living room, because I can’t handle the rejection anymore.

Last night things came to a head. We went to a concert together, which was beautiful. We had a little bit to drink, having a fun time, and I was hopeful it would lead to something. At home, he did actually initiate a bit and we started making out, taking our clothes off, kissing, touching …

Maybe it was the alcohol, but this time I really wanted an answer. I have been suffering for so long! I do feel I deserve to be loved passionately and desired. I am not an ugly monster. So at first he again gave his “I’m just tired! Leave me alone! What do you want me to say” excuse, when I asked him why this had been going on for so long. But I pressed on - asking him why he is suddenly tired all the time when he wasn’t in the first couple of years, despite his life not being any more taxing or stressful. Then finally, after me asking three times more, he told me the truth - the started by saying “well, that part of me died. Or rather, I killed it”. I was shocked and frozen - but asked why it had died / been killed. He said, verbatim: “When we met, you had the most gorgeous body I could ever have dreamed of. You were the most beautiful woman ever to me. But now things have changed.” - I asked him if he meant the weight gain. He said “Yeah, kinda.” When he saw the shock on my face, he tried back-pedalling and said “Well, only because it’s because you don’t exercise! I feel disrespected as a partner by you, because you completely let yourself go, don’t take care of your body and try to look good and in shape for me.”. This shocked me even more. I certainly did not let myself go - I do take good care of myself! He tried painting me as this depressed, messy, fat slob - despite me being a successful woman, working all the time, always dressed up and perfumed, while he has been sitting at home unemployed for years. Also, I had to teach him to wear deodorant and how to properly wash his downstairs compartment if he wanted me to enjoy giving BJs more. But I never let any of that affect my attraction to him!

I was quite distraught and said this way I cannot see a future together - which he didn’t understand, he was like “well, but it’s something that can be changed! You just need to exercise more!”. We have actually been trying for a baby (which is difficult when you have so little sex…) and I told him that I cannot imagine going through with that now, because pregnancy inevitably leads to a certain amount of weight gain and physical changes. He said he “would be okay” with that though, because he knows “it would be because of the baby”. However, this doesn’t feel good for me - I know he is entitled to his preferences, but I do think there are men out there who would still find me just as a attractive with the body I have now. I am not disfigured or morbidly obese or anything.

I am also so offended by him saying he feels “disrespected” by my weight gain - when I have done everything for him! I buy him expensive gifts, write him thoughtful letters, help him with his job search ceaselessly, cater to all his wishes… but he doesn’t seem to appreciate.

I also feel so ashamed … we were on holiday last week, where I asked him to shower together and we went to a private sauna together, and now knowing what he truly thinks of my naked body… I just want to cry and hide forever.

I need help understanding his perspective - and maybe also how to communicate mine to him, to make him understand how hurtful what he said was to me. Thank you!

TL;DR: After years of dead bedroom and me begging for answers, boyfriend has admitted it‘s because of my weight gain. I am asking how to communicate with him further to gain mutual understanding.

TLDR: He told me to go out while he was home sick, but felt let down when I did. I shared my side and he shut down. How do I fix this?

We’ve been together a year and this is the healthiest relationship I’ve had. He’s emotionally honest in a philosophical way (follows Krishnamurti, journals, reflects a lot) and carries a deep wound around not being prioritized. He often feels like an outsider in his close relationships.

This weekend he wasn’t feeling well. I had a standing karaoke plan with my friends (he usually joins). He mentioned having FOMO and needing me, but also said I should go and have fun. I offered to skip it, or come see him before or after. He declined both and said “no pressure,” even acknowledging it was the only thing I do for fun all week. He gently suggested I could leave early and call him, but said it was up to me.

So I went, stayed late, and had a great night. The next day, he said he felt hurt and left out. He admitted he’d hoped I’d come home early, and that the expectation was selfish and unfair. I appreciated his honesty, but also felt like I’d failed a test I didn’t know I was taking.

I told him I needed time to process. A few hours later, I reached out to talk. I clarified I hadn’t prioritized karaoke over him—I’d offered to see him multiple times and he’d said no. That’s when he said “everyone is selfish” and “people are wired to put themselves first.”

He meant it philosophically, but it hurt. I felt lumped in with the people who’ve let him down, even though I’ve consistently shown up. I’ve rearranged plans, driven long distances just for 30 mins with him, helped him reconnect with hobbies, and held space for his emotional growth.

So I said it didn’t feel fair to be put in that category. That “no pressure” feels like pressure when disappointment follows. I just wanted to be seen for who I am.

He got defensive. Said I was making it all about myself, reminded me he had a bad day while I was partying, and said I was backing him into a corner. When I said I just wanted to feel seen too, he shut the conversation down.

Now I feel like I made things worse. Maybe I should’ve waited longer before sharing how I felt. I want to repair this and make it work.

Please don’t suggest breaking up. He’s a beautiful human and in many ways, perfect for me. I just need help figuring out how to reconnect without pushing him further away.

Update 1: He reached out after hoirs of radio silence. He apologized for making me feel like I was being tested. He clarified that he genuinely wanted me to go, because he knew I was really looking forward to it and didn't want to pressure me. But he was disappointed by my choice, and with himself for feeling disappointed. He was judging himself and not me. He wants me to be completely honest, even if it means disapponting him. How he feels about my actions is his problem to solve.

I apologized for not giving him enough time to process his guilt and making it about myself, while also gently reminding him that my feelings are valid regardless. But I see how the timing might have made him feel like his needs were getting overshadowed. And I thanked him for staying in the conversation with me even when it’s been hard. To those that commented, thank you for all of your help and support with this. I needed to hear everything you said, even if I didn't agree with some of you. ❤️

Update 2 We had a long, layered conversation this morning. Here's what I took away from it.

What he was doing - genuinely trying to reflect on his disappointment with zero intention of hjrting or blaming me. He was turning inward and trying to figure out why he was feeling that way. He was trying to move towards awareness, not attack.

What happened on my end - his words triggered me. I've had a history of being measured against unspoken expectations and not being emotionally acknowledged for how hard I try. I felt invalidated not because he said I was wrong but bevause he didn't see how his language landed.

I needed acknowledgement of my efforts in general before his philosophical reflection. He needed reflection before he could even see the emotional layer. This is just a mismatch in how we process. He wasn't wrong for reflecting, and I wasn't wrong to be triggered.

We just need to make space for both and I know we will grow from this.

Now I'm 36 years old, I've never loved anyone again. I lost her because her father took her away and made her enter into an arranged marriage. I never felt love again and I have been out of place in the world ever since. I have lived all my days in this life wanting a new love or to get her back (which is impossible now), however, I don't feel anything for anyone else. Before she was taken from me, she made me promise to move on: but remembering an old song she sang to me about us being destined for each other in all the realities makes me sad. I remember her saying that maybe in another universe we could be happy together...

I hate all of this, the hatred I feel for her father and his culture is as great as I can bear. Even after all these years, I don't know what I would do if I saw this man again. Love for me was a poison that, in a single sip, soured my life.

How do I proceed?

About three years ago my husband and I (mid 30s) moved to a new neighborhood quite far away from most of our friends. A few months into living here we met a local couple that seemed cool and a good friend match for us. The husband has a job in the same field as my husband and the wife and I have a couple of similar interests. They introduced us to their larger friend group and we’ve gotten close with another couple who happen to be godparents to their children and also live close by.

My husband and I have slowly started to find this first couple exhausting and we don’t know how to end this friendship with them. We tried slowly backing away but they are very persistent about scheduling a hang with us. I don’t want to end this friendship over text message but I’m not sure trying to schedule a coffee date with the wife and I is the right move either… I was hoping I would run into them at the local coffee shop and I could spontaneously tell them how we feel but that has yet to happen.

Ok so here are our issues. The husband is a dick…he just is. He’s pretty funny and often makes jokes at the expense of others but he’s the kind of person that is very insecure and puts other people down to make himself feel better. We don’t mind most of the time when he’s making fun of us if it seems in good fun and we’re all taking the piss out of each other but often it feels malicious. He’s said some rude ass shit that’s in no way funny to both of us at different times and each time I’ve been really speechless because the only thing I can think to say back is something equally mean and that’s not me. His wife multiple times has brought up in front of all of us that her husband has lost friends because he’s a “bully” and some people can’t handle it. She’s definitely said this to smooth things over after he’s been extra rude.

Secondly, these people want to hang out with us ALL of the time. They’ve organized a weekly hang with us and the other couple that we like. We have a lot of friends that we love and have been close with a long time and I only see those people one or two times a month, a weekly hang with people you don’t love is too much. I don’t think this would have escalated to the point of us not wanting them in our lives at all if we only saw them once a month or less. Every time I’ve tried to get out of this weekly hang they offer to move the date for us and I’m like “please no stop just leave me alone.” On top of this my husband and I have been dealing with some pretty gnarly medical issues the past two years and I just don’t want to be around people I don’t feel comfortable with and I don’t want to have to explain that to them every week.

Lastly, they’re RFK Jr kinda people which means they’re MAGA light at this point. I can be friends with people with differing political beliefs but hanging out with a Joe Rogan/Jordan Peterson bro is just so annoying. He’s constantly confidently spreading misinformation and they’re definitely anti-vaxxers. I’m honestly just exhausted thinking about it and I have no idea why they want to be friends with us so badly.

That brings us to now. We started hanging a small amount on the side alone with the couple we like but, again, they’re very close with the other couple we can’t stand. I don’t want to put them in the middle of this and we haven’t brought it up to them but it’s pretty clear we’re not very responsive on the group chat for scheduling the next hang. The group chat has been very quiet the last month so we thought maybe they understood we were very upset the last time we hung out but this week the wife has texted multiple times trying to schedule a game night with all of us. Last night she even hit me on the side directly and I was nice but short with her. I don’t want to be a dick. I don’t want to be fake. I don’t want to do it over text message. We have so many regrets of not saying enough in the moment we were upset but we can’t change that now.

How do you break up with a friend?? Please help.

My boyfriend told me a story today about how he saw a girl who looks exactly like me and he said I looked like her twin. and then he proceeded to tell me that he thought she was really ugly and his best friend called her the chopped version of me. What is he insinuating by telling me this? How would you handle this situation?

I feel hurt by what he said to me and I started crying and he was apologizing and telling me he didn’t mean it in that way and I was taking it out of context.

Maybe i’m not conventionally attractive i’m not sure. I’ll send a picture if anyone asks. I have great body, big eyes, and a big nose so maybe it’s the nose… but it really hurts coming from him.

Update: things I forgot to mention

He told me that he said that because he didn’t want me to get insecure if he called the girl who looked like me pretty. Is he insane? Does that even make sense?

He hugged me and reassured me for like an hour and kept apologizing and he looked like he was going to cry when he told me that he was sorry and didn’t mean to hurt me. I think he was being genuine. And he looked really sad that he hurt me and he apologized over 20 times and even got on his knees to be on eye level with me when I wouldn’t look at him.

He usually tells me how cute and pretty I am so this was kind of shocking. 🫢

Update: I broke up with him and blocked him on everything. I hope I don’t go back :(

I 27M was in a one-year relationship with my ex 24F. She’s a sensitive, emotional, and extroverted person. Throughout the relationship, I made mistakes—mainly emotional unavailability and inconsistency. She gave me multiple chances to fix things, but I kept repeating toxic patterns and taking her for granted.

Eventually, she reached her breaking point and ended things. During the breakup, she said she was deleting my number and most pictures—but there was one picture she said she would never delete even for a million dollars.

We then went through 5–6 months of complete no contact. I didn’t chase, text, or reach out. Out of nowhere, she broke no contact by calling me after a bad dream about me. Her voice was shaky and emotional. That call ended our silence.

Post-No Contact (Reconnection Phase):

After reconnecting:

She resaved my number (she had deleted it after the breakup).

She said things like:

“Just because we’re not in a relationship doesn’t mean we have to act distant.”

“Let me be selfish this time.”

“Talking to you feels good, but it also hurts.”

“I hope you find someone who’s compatible with you.”

“If you get married someday, I’ll be happy for you.”

“Whatever the situation now, I still loved you once, and that will never change as a fact.”

“Don’t be surprised if I get engaged soon.”

“Sometimes things just don’t work out the way we want.”

“Are you okay being my friend especially now that marriage is on the line?”

“We don’t have to text every day.”

She framed the reconnection as just friendship and mentioned she’s moving ahead with arranged marriage because her parents are pushing for it and she’s come to accept the idea. She claimed she has moved on, and when I asked her if she’d ever give me another chance, she said “No.”

But despite all that, she:

Reinitiated playful banter

Shared a selfie

Played Uno (a game we used to enjoy)

Sent nostalgic pictures (e.g., of Timezone arcade we visited)

Said she won’t get rid of the gifts I gave her—including my hoodie, bracelets, and shirt—and instead would keep them stored safely in a box because “getting rid of them isn’t even a question.”

Recent Events:

After some light engagement, we went 16 full days without contact.

Then, on Day 16, she broke the silence by sending:

1. A birthday-themed reel (even though my birthday is still weeks away)

2. A meme related to my mother tongue

3. Engaged in playful banter again for the rest of the evening

I kept the tone light and confident. My last message was humorous and playful, and after she replied with a few emojis (nothing that required a response), I chose to leave her on seen at 4:30 PM on March 31.

Where We Stand Now (Day 23):

She hasn’t messaged me since.

I haven’t broken silence either.

We are only connected on WhatsApp—we don’t follow each other on Instagram or any other platform.

It’s been 5.5 days of silence since I left her on seen.

She still has my number saved.

She has never told me to stop texting her, cut ties, or block me.

Lately, I’ve noticed she’s been expanding her social circle—more active socially, meeting new people, etc.

What I Want to Understand:

1. Why would she come back after 6 months, keep this connection alive, and then go silent again?

2. Are her actions really about “just friendship,” or is there unresolved emotion here?

3. If she truly moved on, why keep me around at all?

4. Could I be an emotional backup or safety net?

5. Is my silence working—or is this really the end?

6. Has anyone been in a similar situation and seen it lead to reconciliation, or closure?

I’m not chasing anymore. I’ve grown a lot. But this mix of silence, heavy emotional statements, and hot-and-cold energy has left me confused—and I’d really appreciate any real, grounded perspective.

Context: we only have one car at the moment, I paid 7k towards it and my husband financed the rest, 4k in 24 months. Sorry, long post!!

Yesterday I (39F) needed to go to the pharmacy in the afternoon but my husband (42M) “needed” the car since he coaches an adult sport 10min from our house, you could walk to the place without even needing to cross the street.

Here’s where our issues come from, he wanted to pick two of his friends, one from the train station and another one from his house, drop them there, then come back here, get me to drive him down and then keep the car for the rest of the afternoon.

These two guys are adults and could have made other arrangements, uber, bus, walked. But my husband has a helper complex and he’d rather inconvenience me and let me keep the car and just drop him and go do my errands. We obviously had a fight, I asked him why I’m the one doing concessions for two adult men when they could figure it out themselves? Bear in mind that this is not an isolated incident, my husband is always giving lifts to people and I’m usually at home stuck without a car all week. I asked him yesterday, does this people actually give you gas money? He said, “do you give me gas money when I have to drive you around? I’m friends with these guys for 20years”. It obviously pissed me off since we pay for everything 50/50 but in the past year I’ve been contributing to thousands more to pay for house refurbishments and IVF treatments, oh yeah, I’m almost 6 months pregnant. I said I should take priority, I should be his ride or die. That if he needed a kidney who did he think would be the first to volunteer?

Anyway, we got nowhere and he took the car, then at 5pm messaged me that he was picking me up to take me to the pharmacy then would drop me back home and go back to help clean the sport stuff and drop the guys home.

When he got back at around 7pm I said I wanted to talk about the car, that I’ve been nice so far and that since it’s a shared asset now I want to be able to share it, the car will stay home twice a week and he could figure it out how to get to and from work. And every time I use it I’ll put gas on it. If he didn’t agree he could buy my share of the car from me or I could buy his share from him. He got upset and said that I’m making more of a big deal than I should since I could have kept the car if we could have gotten his friends and I’m being difficult. I’m tired of explaining priority to my husband, he’s a great guy but in some ways he lacks emotional maturity. He’s still firm that he did nothing wrong. I need an unbiased opinion to figure this out, please!

I F 27 have been with my partner M 30 for 8 years, and I’ve always really struggled with communicating my feelings about certain topics, situations or disagreement, when we’re speaking out loud. I tend to get overwhelmed and end up a crying, blubbery mess. It’s not just with him—iv been like that my whole life, even with friends and family.

Not for every convo obviously (I’m not suggesting speaking through unwritten notes that we pass under the table for every conversation we have in the relationship lol), but more so when it comes to emotional stuff or serious discussions. I really struggle to express myself properly when I’m talking—I always have a million things I want to say but then I get overwhelmed, forget half of it, and usually end up crying or shutting down before I can get it all out.

But when I write things out, I can actually explain myself. I can think it through, make sure I’m saying everything I need to say, and it doesn’t come out all messy and emotional. I usually write it in my phone notes or a letter.

Is it okay to communicate sometimes like this and give them the letter or send them what I wrote whilst I’m with them in person to read? Even for serious discussions and topics, which are probably suggested to be disgusting person talking face-to-face usually?

My partner (M 42)and I (F 38) broke up for 4 months a couple of years ago. We’ve since gotten back together and had a daughter. Our relationship is great now and we are together for 5 years. But recently, I’ve been really bothered by the fact that he dated someone while we were broken up. It makes me feel really jealous and sad. The girl lives in our locally area and I come across her a bit. I’ve started making little comments to him about her and it makes him really annoyed / upset.

I’m finding it really hard just to forget about it. It didn’t really bother me before but now I’m obsessing over it. What can I do to not feel upset over something that happened in the past when we weren’t even together?