Literally this. On the kitchen floor. Husband asked me to clean the attic for the billionth time. He’s outside doing yard work. I’m doom scrolling and feeling hopeless. I was diagnosed when I was 33 and we were dating. I’m 40 now. I didn’t tell him about my diagnosis until a couple years ago because I was so ashamed and maybe because I knew he wouldn’t take it seriously. He’s a middle school teacher and sees kids with IEPs for ADHD all the time. Whatever, I can’t speak to his experience with ADHD kids or our fucked up education system, but it hurts that he’s never bothered to try to understand my ADHD or how we could adapt to make it easier for me to do the things that, when I don’t do them —like cleaning the FUCKING ATTIC— drive him insane. I haven’t bothered to push him on this issue because 1. When I’ve sent him resources to read or brought it up, he’s dismissive and 2. I’m tired and for the most part I mask well. I have a demanding job and am a high performer. He gets into the, “but you’re good at XYZ, why can’t you be good at cleaning?” And he does 80% of the cleaning and organizing, which isn’t fair… I want to be a better partner in that regard. I feel like I could be with a little help! A while back I was reading “How to Keep House While Drowning” which I actually found very uplifting and empowering. I told him about some of the suggestions from the book and he literally made fun of the author and the book’s presumed audience. Said that it was just something the author wrote to feel better about herself and it gave the readers and excuses to be “slobs”. He was ~just joking~ of course. One of the most hurtful things he’s said to me. Since then I really don’t bother sharing my struggles or my attempts to do better with him. Don’t worry, I know what a massive red flag that is. We’re in couples therapy and I’m weighing my options. It’s just so fucking sad, you know? It doesn’t have to be this hard. We could be a team. I don’t understand his unwillingness to have empathy or sympathy or do some basic reading. Like, why?

I feel like I can tackle the attic now so thanks for listening.

Me: I will be more organised with listing my tasks this year Also me: ???? (What email? To whom? About what? Who knows?)

It's not an embarrassment. It's not a sign of depression, burnout, or uncontrolled ADHD.

It's a piece of our home decor. It's a fun conversation piece. It's our CHOICE.

Four baskets - I have four baskets of dirty laundry, three that needed to be folded and put away. And one in the dryer to fold and put away.

And then, I’ll try and get caught up - for which I will then get almost through, but not, and the whole thing starts all over.

And SOCKS! They go in the basket together? Why don’t they come out together? Why do my toddler’s and husband socks never have mates? I hate socks - I tend to not wear them unless I’m wearing sneakers because I don’t want to have to deal with them.

I feel like a crazy person.

I'm 43, was diagnosed in February and started Vyvanse, have lived in a 1300 sq foot house with my husband (and later son) for 20 years. Over the past few weeks, I started purging and cleaning. These bags are filled with books, clothes, kitchen stuff, and toys which were picked up for donation this morning! (Plus there's been a lot of garbage and recycling too.)

Judging from some of the stuff in my nightstand and under my bed it had been a solid decade since I last cleaned my room and it was not thoroughly done then. My husband has been patient and tolerant of this, but I know it's been getting to him the more things accumulated.

I'm a little emotional that I'm getting all this stuff done. I can get into my bed without climbing over piles of clothes. I see FLOOR.

First of all, I love this sub and I've talked to some wonderful women here. I've found so much comfort since I joined this sub.

Resently I've noticed some people here making it their business online to tell people that some of their traits or problems ARE not ADHD specific AT ALL. I have to rant about this because I think we can all agree (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong about this one tho lol) that being a woman and having ADHD (diagnosed or not) you're constantly all your life met people who doubt you or you're used to feel like a fucking fraud or imposter whatever you do, or you think you come across as dumb and people treat you like that (I hate that and its one of my fears to be misunderstood).
Some people come across like just because they have gone thru the assessment and got the diagnosis, they are the key answer of what ADHD is. We all have our own personalities and background of who we are or have become. The little "crazy" girl I was as a kid, I no longer am.

I am a 38 year old woman who have tons and tons of trauma and stuff that have made me the person I am today, and I fucking loathe when people try to prove a point in who I am without knowing me. Please please be kind. I know people probably think they are educating others and do it out of good will but please think about it before telling other people stuff they didnt ask for

If you live in the United States, your taxes are due in 11 days on April 15th! This is your reminder!

I bought the supplies to make this beanie months ago and procrastinated...I finally finish this just now!! I made this for my parents for their trip today ( which they are leaving for in 3 hours....) Better late than never I guess...

I've fallen into the the trap of having a 'safe space' for items, which basically means I then forget where I've put stuff, or I can't find anything right in front of me.

I need immigration paperwork for US taxes, had the house upside down earlier, with no joy. However, I did find two boxes of meds which I couldn't locate earlier in the week, and thought I must either have taken them or thrown them out.

The meds were in the linen cupboard (so nowhere near my paperwork) and my immigration paperwork was cunningly disguised in a filing cabinet folder clearly marked 'immigration'

FML. The fact I couldn't find anything earlier and I hadn't taken my daily meds, is a shining example of why I need them!

I know the "have you JUST tried a new journal" type advice is (rightly) maligned here, but I am also one of the people for whom a bullet journal has become a very important tool. I usually keep the most recent journal on hand for a while after I've finished it, and I decided to number it and it's previous buddy and shelve them both with the collection because that's a non-urgent job that's been hanging around for the last two to six months. And I realized that I'm up to 30! For those who can't read my handwriting, the oldest goes back to November 2017, and I usually get about 3 months out of a journal.

(There's a gap on the shelf from where I pulled out my campaign notes from a D&D game that went on hiatus over a year ago and is maybe coming back now that the DM's baby is bigger. Being able to look stuff up from multiple years ago is very rarely useful but is incredible whenever it does come up)

Earlier this year I read a comment here in this sub saying “anything worth doing is worth doing half ass” & whoever commented that thank you! I been having a hard year & my executive function has not been great. I’ve started back working out & have been consistent-ish for about a month. Yesterday I skipped the gym & wanted to today but told myself you have to do SOMETHING. So I did a bare minimum workout & when I did my daily walk I had a long average time but I got it over with so it’s a win in my book

I’ve been applying this to a lot of aspects of my life because typically if something doesn’t go as planned or I can’t make it perfect I just give up all together but lately I just tell my self even the barest amount is better than nothing & give it (whatever it is at the time) my least lol

TW: probably ableism, quite a bit of shouting at children

OK, ladies. I'm not sure you'll be able to help me with this, but you are by far the best ADHD community on the internet so I feel comfortable asking here.

My son and my husband both have severe ADHD and are most likely on the spectrum. My husband (38M, I'm going to call him Mark) grew up in a authoritarian dad / permissive mom household and was untreated until he was in his mid-thirties. He's trying to do better than his parents, and he's doing a really good job. But there are some things he has trouble reacting to calmly.

My son (10.5M, I'll call him Luke) was diagnosed with ADHD at 5 when his kindergarten teacher noticed that he needed to be in a completely quiet room by himself in order to do anything. In his Montessori classroom, he would sit in the middle of the room and stare, either at the work packet they gave him or at the other students. After several years I've come to realize that his version of a meltdown is to "check out." He is only internally motivated, and has a difficult time expressing what the problem is. I'm also pretty sure he's in PDA burnout, but I think that's a different issue.

I also have ADHD and GAD, but I have the role of NT in our house. That usually means reminding everyone not to be an a*hole and trying to set us all up for success.

OK. Now to the problem. Mark likes to keep candy, treats, ice cream, and snacks on hand, and seems to have an internal limit on "acceptable daily consumption." Luke "steals" these things by not only eating "more than his share," but by taking them without asking. Mark then loses his temper, and will shout (usually along the lines of "This is unacceptable! I've told you this is unacceptable and I am livid!") It can be especially bad when Mark has "saved the best for last" on a personal treat and Luke takes it and eats it anyway.

I have tried SO MANY THINGS to set Luke up for success here. We've tried pre-portioning to make sure everyone knows what their share is. We keep Mark-only treats in our bedroom. When Luke showed a pattern of going into our bedroom and taking them anyway, we got a lock for our door (it's an electric fingerprint lock so we don't have to worry about a key because ADHD). I have reminder labels on shelves and on the freezer saying "ask first." I have a snack bin on the outside of the pantry that I do my best to keep full of approved snacks. I may not do these things perfectly, but I am trying SO HARD.

Nothing seems to work. NT people will often say, "Just don't keep those things in your house" but then all of us suffer. I have talked to Luke several times about it. I have tried to have him empathize, even reminding him of when he's been upset about something of his being taken by a friend or sibling. He says all the right things; he apologizes. Then two weeks later it happens all over again.

I read a post a while back from an ADHDer traumatized by always being called a thief in his own home. I hate the thought that Mark is doing that to Luke! But I legitimately don't know what I can do to fix this!

TL;DR: Son seems to lack self control and eats dad's snacks. Dad flips out and treats him like a thief. Son acknowledges "the rules." Cycle repeats. Mom dies a little inside each time.

Have any of you gone through anything similar? Do you have any recommendations?

Only getting $2 back. But hey, at least I filed them on time! & I used a program that doesn’t charge me this year 💪

In particular, my dad doesn't even want to try to figure out how I get my house so messy.

My dad chose to dump almost anything he thought was inappropriate in the trash today during a surprise visit that ended up them "helping" clean while I was out at work.

This includes the two days' worth of filthy clothes. Almost every week, I wore these clothes to work. And he thought it was justified since he wouldn't have had to do it at all if I had just gotten my act together.

It’s been a week from hell. Humor me by sharing how you know your dopamine is depleted. I’ll start:

When I find myself avoiding a to-do list with a meaningless deep dive in the Bureau of Labor Statistics reports to answer a random thought that I can’t even remember anymore.

When I back out of my garage before the garage door is all the way up.

When I get infuriated with the sound of a fruit snack bag.

When I have to lay down for two hours and cry because I’m so overwhelmed with life.

By events I mean like... go grocery shopping AND have a get together with friends or family later. Have a doctor appt in the afternoon AND have to go to the store later or have a concert later. Do you do this and not feel like you're on the verge of a mental breakdown? Physically and mentally exhausted?

If so.... HOW???

ETA: Well, by the response, I have to say... You get me... you really get me! 🥲 haha. I posted because I have a (hobby related) errand I need to get done but both Sat&Sun already have events planned and it's stressing me out. Its not like running down the street to the corner store, the errand will take like 3 hours out of my day and I just don't know that I can do it along with the other plans.

Many have stated being medicated helps them. Im genuinely happy that it helps you but it does not help me, haha. I am medicated, I can focus on work or hobby for the better part of 5 hours and be flabbergasted at the time that has passed. It does not help with introvert hangover (which, much like a regular hangover, it lasts longer and is much worse the older I get!)

Took my meds yesterday and they didnt work at all. I just so happened to have skipped my antacid too so i thought “aw poo, that must be why” took my dose again today with the antacid and still no dice. Then I realized I am on my cycle. So basically a waste of two doses 😩

Have yall found any way to keep your meds working during your period? Taking extras during this time is not an option, I did that last time to accommodate the higher dose needed during my period and got in trouble with my provider when I ran out early (I get it, even though I did it for a logical reason it still wasnt pre approved and something I shouldve talked to my doctor about first).

Starting to wish I was back on birth control despite the horrific side effects. Atleast then my meds would work. My periods are super irregular, sometimes theyre monthly, sometimes theyre every 2 weeks, sometimes 4 months can go by without one. So tracking and planning for them is basically impossible.

My boss was like "I think the weather is making everyone sick" after I took a half day on Thursday for an upset stomach.

And I was like "suuuure we'll go with that and not me living off bacon, lucky charms, coffee and OJ for four weeks straight"

It's something I don't understand because I feel like I’m just contributing to the conversation and showing that I agree with what they're saying. Are we supposed to just take turns like its a pokemon battle? That doesn't feel natural to me.

So I still live with my parents because I can’t afford to live comfortably in my own country. I feel like my life is somewhat structured because I do a lot of things because I’m in my parent’s house. But I can’t help but think I would be on the right side of I could live by my own means.

I don’t want to make everything and every experience of mine as something to do with ADHD, but it gets difficult because things in the past start to make sense once I got officially diagnosed.

As a child (even now as an adult), I have always had difficulty making friends or have any sort of relationship. It just seems so hard for me and all along and I thought maybe it’s just my life to always feel left out.

But I got diagnosed with adhd a few months ago and I started thinking could it be that I had trouble making friends due to me acting differently from “normal” people but I don’t realise since well, I’m not “normal”?

I’m not flexing or tooting my own horn, but I actually think I’m a decent person, and I can be a very good friend. I just have difficulty making or maintaining relationships…

Anyone here have similar experiences?