Preface: forgive me for scattered thoughts. This literally just happened and I don't know how to feel.

I would be lying if I said I didn't fantasize about this day. The day they finally reached out.

8 months of heartbreak. 8 months of deep depression. 8 months of pulling myself out from these depths of hell to become the better person I am now.

To finally feel a little joy with my own self. The hobbies I've picked up. The friends I have made. I've turned into such an incredible version of me. The me I've always wanted to become.

I started to make big plans and doors started opening up for me. For once in my life I feel powerful. I feel magnetic.

Over the course of these 8 months I wanted nothing more than to hear from them. But now, I'm not sure if I want to respond. All that I've worked for I would have to sacrifice to be back with them. Also, there is a lot that happened that I'm not interested in sharing with them. Moments that I want just for me. I'm also not sure if I want to hear about all they have been up to these 8 months.

I just don't care anymore.

I don't know if I want them in my life anymore.

Through these 8 months I have read countless times about this energy shift. Right after the break up your ex goes out into the world (sometimes right into a new relationship) and their life seems better than ever. Traveling and enjoying life. We are left with our hearts torn from our chest. Crying night after night, deeply depressed, trying to find our self worth again. Trying to find our life direction again.

Then one day there is a light switch moment. You wake up and you no longer feel the same way you did. Your body feels a little bit lighter. The colors seem a bit brighter. You just wake up different. Like someone flipping a light switch.

Believe people on this forum when they say as soon as you are thriving and living your best life, your ex reaches out.

For once in my life I am so proud of me. I love this version of myself. I'm fearless and started saying yes to things I never would have in my past. I'm starting to laugh again. Have fun again. I'm planning big trips and meeting extraordinary people that in return think I'm fascinating as well. I found a way to live my life with me. Just me. I discovered I don't have to rely on anyone to make dreams a reality. I can just make them happen with my own hard work and determination.

And then they reach out.

When the energy shifted, they reached out. When that new relationship didn't turn out the way they wanted, they reach out. When things don't go as planned for them, they reach out. To something familiar. Something they know they can control.

But I'm not the same person that they left. They are reaching out to someone strong and resilient. Someone who has gone through so much pain and suffering that they have become unbreakable. Untamable. Unapologetically their genuine self.

Believe me when I say this, if you can go through the pain of heart break, you can do anything. Nothing in life compares to the pain of a broken heart.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I don't know if I want to respond. I never thought this was going to happen to me.

For once I am more afraid of losing the progress I have worked so hard for. I'm afraid of losing my freedom that I've grown to cherish so much. I don't want to throw away all of my efforts just for getting back together with my ex.

When you want something, it evades you. When you begin focusing on other things it presents itself to you when you least desire it.

This doesn't feel as good as I had imagined. It actually is a terrible feeling.

I know my worth now. And so do they.

It sounds counterintuitive, but it’s true. Whether you want to move on or get them back, the first step is the same: go no contact and focus entirely on becoming the best version of yourself.

Because one of two things will happen: a) You grow so much that you no longer want them back. b) Your growth and absence make them question everything, and they come back.

Either way—you win. Like people here have said before: it’s the best of both worlds.

You were together for so long, made promise after promise. Laughed together, felt their presence even if they were in another room and everything was "fine". Now you are just two strangers?

It has been 2 years and I'm most of the time doing fine and have fun in life.

But just yesteray a good friend of mine was like: "Hey, I've met this wonderful woman and I really think she is your type, would you like to know her? Who knows, maybe she'll be the mother of your children." As a joke.

I found it amusing but just seconds after that, something again hit me like a truck. I never wanted it to be anybody else, I always wanted her. And just thinking about being in the same dynamic with another person, doesn't sit well with me. It's not genuine. I'm not sure if I ever could give her what I was ready to give to my ex.

I'm sure there are people here that know that exact feeling of realization, that it will in fact be another person. If you will ever be ready to meet another person.

Hello everyone, I’ve shared this story before, but I thought I would do it again, since there’s a fairly frequent change in the sub’s demographic. I hope it can help someone see a silver lining, as it’s the story of how and when my parents met.

My dad, 41, worked nights for a newspaper. During one (well, probably several) of those nights, his girlfriend cheated on him. He had to break up with her and it was a whole thing: screaming, crying, furniture in the garden, locks changed, the works. He was devastated.

My mother, 32, had a boyfriend who went on a work trip in Colombia. It turned out that he had found a nice Colombian girlfriend and my mother was broken up with on the phone. She was also devastated. She was a working student at the time, and this will be relevant.

By chance, trying to change his habits after the break up, my father started going to a cafe in the city center at the end of his night shifts. Coincidentally, that is were my mother always went to have her breakfast.

She was determined to leave her ex in the past. “I will not drop one tear for that loser” kind of mindset. That is when she saw my father, on a random Tuesday. He was minding his business and having coffee, still sad (it had been a month-ish), but kind of intrigued by the woman that kept glancing in his direction. That girl was on a mission.

A couple of days later, she striked and “forgot” her books at the cafe, and he jumped at the opportunity. The next day they started talking and got to know each other better. Two months later they started dating and they were together ever since. Six years later, I was born in a house full of love when they were 38 and 47.

They were married for 28 years, until my father passed away, and even in death, he still holds her heart.

They were both done dirty by their exes, but it was fine, because they found each other. If my dad had stayed with his shitty ex, they wouldn’t have. If my mom had listened to her shitty ex who obviously came back crying, they wouldn’t have.

When he was about to die, he said to my mother that his only regret was not meeting her sooner and wasting his time on shitty relationships.

The moral of the story is that your person is out there, no matter your age. You have time. Breakups are devastating, but they will lead you to your forever home.

I hope this story brings some of you comfort. I wish you the best on your journey.

A messy breakup. I still have feelings for him even though I shouldn’t.

It’s been 40 days without knowing anything about her since she dumped me. It was all over text and really cold, and I didn’t expect any of that since we were about to move in together.

I’ve been trying to maintain no contact, but everyday I fought the urge of texting her. Today, after meditating for hours and talking to my friends, I have made the decision to send her a long message where I have poured my soul.

Don’t know what answer to expect, or if she will even give one.

What I know, is that I have broken no contact FOR ME. Everybody talks about how it is the best option, but I couldn’t turn the page without expressing before how I’m feeling, so I did.

My point is, keep strong if no contact is what you want, but sometimes we need to express ourselves once some time has passed and our mind is clearer.

Much love.

i haven’t moved on but doing life without the person i was building with, and thought would be my first and last love, is strange. i sleep in a new bed they haven’t touched, in a room that now looks different to what they had last seen. i go out with friends they haven’t met, i bought and wear clothes they haven’t seen on me, i changed my hair colour. we frequent the same local places but our schedules are different and we never run into each other. i don’t know how their day is going anymore, and they don’t know about mine. we thought we would be moving into the future together, that we would overcome everything we went through and i thought we would make it out strong. i thought my love would change their mind about not being committed or making our relationship official again, i was wrong. it sucks that in the end i was wrong about someone i had put in so much time, energy, my interest and soul into.

I was discarded like a trash. He left without saying anything, as if I wasn't worthy of a proper ending. I gave him my heart yet he chose to break it. I've cried my heart out every night, but I'm done being sad and miserable. It's hard but I know I'm strong and unbreakable.

I hope that one day I find someone who loves me the way I love.

"Your next chapter is going to make some people wish they had treated you better. How people treat you is not a reflection of your worth or what you deserve." Remember that 💛

I haven't posted in here before, I've just been reading, empathising and trying to make my way through. It's been hell a lot of the time. But last week she reached out and asked me if I would go away with her for a week so we could reconnect. She said she can't get her head around the thought of her future without me, and thankfully, we're both feeling that way. Things seem absolutely wonderful now, and we've had some really insightful conversations about how we can move forward. We're both extremely grateful to have each other again. I hope the same for those of you here who want it. Just show them that you can be the person they always wanted you to be, and hope that they'll do the same.

For those of you who have that gut feeling that you want to reach out, but are stopping yourself because you'd feel like a fool or are being stubborn, just listen to your gut and do it, don't deny yourself something that you know deep down you truly want. For the ones waiting in hope, just focus on yourself and being the best person you can be, and hope that they're doing the same. There's every chance that could lead to them reaching out.

For us, we just know that we're each other's person, and we had something incredibly special but let our fear of losing each other dictate how we acted sometimes. We're both committed now to putting that right and meeting each other's needs. Self-reflection is a wonderful tool. If you're blaming everything on your ex in your head and that's preventing you from reconnecting, just ask yourself, Is there anything I could have done differently? Could I have been more understanding? If the answer is yes, admit that to yourself and to them, and try to make things work.

I wish you all love and happiness! <3

I wish you missed me for a second, a minute , an hour , I wish you missed me at all. It sucks that I miss you every minute, every second and every hour. You’re thinking of another girl , hearing her laugh , her voice , creating new memories with her while forgetting all about mine.

Like the title says, I dated a therapist last year.

I'm going to be careful not to identify that person or make any disparaging comments, as I don't want to impact her professional career in anyway.

However:

There's one hell of a story here and I'm going to share it.

Since my divorce, I've been on the dating app several times. I've had some incredibly great relationships come from that, and some very poor ones. Needless to say during that time I learned a lot about myself, what I need, and how to conduct myself.

Before I go further, let me preface that I have childhood trauma due to neglect, and a whole host of other anxieties as a result of growing up extremely neurodivergent in the 80s.

So let's just acknowledge those things upfront : I have abandonment wounds, and I have a mixed anxious-avoidant attachment style. Luckily, I'm aware of these things which gives me the ability to intervene when they begin to play out, but it's not always perfect.

That said, while on the apps, I matched with a particular woman several times on different applications. It happened frequently enough that it had become sort of comical, and we would joke to one another in chat, but we never managed to actually go on a date.

Then last year, when I was on the apps again, I matched with her yet again. She sent me a very warm message and a joke that we had matched once again. It was genuinely pretty funny in retrospect, and one of the sweetest moments I've had interacting on those apps.

She quickly asked me out, we met at a local bar in Des Moines, and we hit it off. Like we really hit it off. It was stellar. There was an instant connection there.

Over the course of the next year we bonded super fucking hard. Very close, very tight, we spent a ton of time together, we traveled together, we said the sweetest words to one another. She helped me through a lot of my trauma and taught me mechanisms for healing. She was patient with my wounding and was extremely careful during triggers and incidents. She held an enormous amount of space for me in her heart and in her world so that I could continue to grow.

In return, I gave her the most beautiful and loyal love imaginable. I was by her side constantly, communicating constant, sending reassurance and kind words, and gifts, and so on. It an absolute romantic dream.

We took it a little slow at first, but it ramped up very quickly, and we both realized that we wanted to be with each other forever. I'm not sure if I genuinely believe this now, but I want to pretend that I do to shield my heart.

It was really that good.

Now we had conflict like any other couple, mind you, and sometimes it was hard to manage. I had a lot of abandonment anxiety, so I was occasionally worried that she was upset with me or wanted to leave me. She on the other hand has some narcissistic trauma, so she was worried that I would cheat or I would cold shoulder and ignore her.

We did a ton of work to move through those things. I'm talking shit loads of work. Real work. The brass tax. We had discussions, we put plans in place, we used applications to share and open up to one another.

It was like being in a year-long therapy session with somebody who I was deeply in love with and willing to fight for. I get my best to always acknowledge my failures and listen to her wisdom when possible.

I took her advice, I followed through when she asked me to do things, and I was absolutely the most loving and caring man she has ever had, and I say that with absolute confidence.

I poured my everything into that relationship. I sacrifice parts of myself to be the best person that I possibly could.

And in many ways, she did the same for me.

This is where I stop and say that, although the relationship itself felt amazing and virtually everything was clicking, I had been slowly building up a weird paranoia and feeling that something wasn't quite right with either her or our relationship, but I just couldn't put my finger on it.

And this wasn't your standard anxiety paranoia, my pattern recognition was picking up on something real. I wish I had trusted my instinct at that time but I chose to trust her instead because that's what a good partner does.

For clarity, she had been dating since her divorce, and she had dated quite a few people. She knew what she wanted, and she wasn't able to find it, so she kept looking, but during that time she burned through a lot of humans... many of them she stayed in contact with because she was a good person and emotionally resilient.

So she had lots of former lovers and partners within her circle, some of them being so close that they came to regular weekly meetings at her house for therapy sessions.

I'm not a terribly insecure person, but I do have abandonment and cheating wounds, so I brought this up a few times, and she was very kind and very graceful in disarming my anxieties and making me feel safe.

But even though I felt safe, it was still awkward for me to know that she had so many former partners that were regular contacts, because that's just not my style. However, I chose to accept it at face value because I believed she had integrity.

Over the course of the relationship, she was in contact with some of these folks from time to time, sometimes I knew, sometimes I didn't. On more than one occasion, I got mixed feedback from Herr regarding contact with former lovers, and it was confusing, but I always gave her the benefit of the doubt. There were a few yellow flag moments in there where she wouldn't completely answer the question or she would claim not to remember, which again is perfectly fine and reasonable, nobody is a perfect narrator of their own experience.

But this all culminated one day after we took a trip to Texas with the family.

As we, we're in bed one night, she mentioned to me that she was texting her old boyfriend from college, who is also in Texas. She then also mentioned that he's a six foot five black guy (I heard "big black guy").

That definitely caught me off guard, but I didn't think anything of it immediately. I thought why the hell did she throw that detail in, but I didn't ruminate on it.

At least not until the next day. I started thinking about all the other times where she had talked to ex boyfriends, but had been a little shallow, explaining it to me, or inconsistent, explaining it to me, or outright not remembering and I started to get paranoid.

For context, she's never had a relationship that lasted longer than six months. I was literally the first one and we were at a year at that point.

So I was already worried that perhaps her old patterns were going to re-emerge and she was going to need to find another partner. I assumed she was addicted to dating or something, but I just didn't want to end the relationship.

As my paranoia grew (after our her comment) I decided to try and employ some of the things she had taught me.

Instead of sitting around and freaking out internally and just bottling it up, I wrote out a very intentional and direct email with gentle language. I laid out my concern, asked why she had said that, and told her how it made me feel.

Incredibly, she responded with kindness and respect, giving me a nice long response, describing why she had accidentally said that and what it meant, and then she went on to apologize for hurting me.

That would've been perfect EXCEPT that during the message she sent me, she reframed the comment as "I said 6 foot five black guy, not big black guy"

That one statement right there was the problem. She wasn't taking full accountability. She was implying that I had misheard her, and I was hurting myself by misunderstanding.

I don't think it matters if she said big black guy or 6 foot five black guy, the implication alone is ridiculous, especially when you're saying something like that to your current partner in bed.

Like what the fuck, why would anybody even say that? Furthermore, if you did say it, why wouldn't you just own it and move on instead of trying to reframe it?

So anyway, she chose to reframe it more than once. I didn't accept her apology initially because I was upset that she was still trying to slice off accountability and pretend that I had somehow misheard her and it's my fault for being upset.

So we cold-shoulder one another on the ride home. It was a ridiculously long drive back from Texas so it was very tense at some moments.

We stopped halfway along our drive to get a hotel in Missouri, and when we got there, she said she was gonna get three rooms instead of two so she could stay by herself.

This was a massive trigger for me. I'm talking fucking huge. I can't stand to be away from my partner like that, especially not when we're angry.

Her parents noticed that we were having a tough time and they said, "we're gonna go inside and you too can continue your conversation out here," to which I looked at her (she wouldn't make eye contact) and said back to her parents, "not needed, I think we're done here,"

She decided to roll with that statement and claim that I broke up with her in that moment, in heat of that issue, even though we both had agreed upon safeguards that wouldn't allow us to break up in a fight. Not me, not her, neither of us. We had just been through one of those incidents a month or two ago and we had laid that down as a firm action plan.

We had to do that because my abandonment wound makes me want to run sometimes, and I'm aware of it, and it's a temporary trigger that is actually manageable but you've gotta have some plans in place.

Anyway, so we went and stayed in our separate rooms, and then the next morning when we came out, she wouldn't talk to me. She just kept mumbling that I had broken up with her.

I repeated back several times no, that's not what I'm trying to do here, but I was very upset. You want to stay in your own room last night.

She refused that, and then during the drive home I watched her progressively get more and more angry while sitting there in silence. I tried to hold her hand, I tried to reassure her, I tried everything I could to bring her back to Center but she chose anger instead.

She literally chose anger at that moment and I'll never really know why. It was very unlike her. Totally out of character.

So by the time we got home, it was only the two of us sitting in the vehicle, I had already taken her house key out and put it in the center console because I expect that she was going to ask for it, so she picked it up and said I guess we're done.

I looked directly at her and said no I don't want this, this is not how we're supposed to end. We're not supposed to do this way.

She said she didn't care, that I had triggered her in the worst way, and that she couldn't be with me anymore.

The woman who was just telling me that we are soulmates, partners, making travel plans, making future plans, talking about how stable we are whispering in my ear, how much she loves me and reassuring me that we are good.... proceeded to dump me during a heated exchange that was about a simple miscommunication.

She then told me that she was going to have men as friends and that I needed to learn how to deal with it, and if I couldn't, then I would have to live with that consequence.

But the problem wasn't that she had male friends. It was this pattern of strange dishonesty, or if it wasn't dishonesty, circumstance. I'm willing to believe that circumstance just made it look weird.

But ultimately, she put it on me, calling me, insecure, turning around on me, making it my problem for being vulnerable and having wounding.

So instead of taking care of my heart and holding my wounding with care, she chose to enjoy a brief moment of power. She looked right at me and told me I'm going to have to go on my own path, I'm gonna have to sit with my choice to break up with her (which I told her I didn't want).

The woman, I loved, the woman with the most emotional maturity I have ever seen forced it on me like a punishment. The words she used in the way she used them were so devastating and so out of character. I'll never forget them.

She didn't have the audacity to tell me that maybe in 6 to 8 months after I've worked on myself we could get back together. As if she's some sort of prize at the end of the wheel of therapy, just waiting to be snatched up once I've fixed all of my broken pieces so that I can be lovable again.

The application she made right there was that she can't love me in my current form which she had been doing for an entire year without question. Suddenly, every safeguard we had, every talk we had, every reassurance we made was null and void in an instant.

She told me she doesn't do break ups like this, but that I had ruined her somehow. All of that emotional maturity that I had come to rely on melted away, and I saw somebody I don't even know for the first time.

I'm not sure if I was dealing with a covert narcissist, or just somebody with severe trauma that they've been hiding the whole time.

My more angry side wants to say that it's just a selfish woman who has been wrapping her trauma in the tapestry of being a professional therapist, but again I don't want to speak ill about her because I genuinely do think she's a good human.

We haven't spoken since then. Not a peep. We went from being the deepest lovers known to man to apparently the biggest strangers.

I don't know how she was able to do that because I have been an absolute wreck. I am pining so hard, I am going through serious motions, physical and mental. Things that I thought I had established we're all ripped out of underneath me and seriously struggling, but I'm getting professional help.

She had brought me to a safe place, finally, after all those years of trauma and abuse by my parents. She had finally taught me to trust again, she had taught me how to love again, and she had given me the space to grow and learn how to address my problems in a healthy way.

And then one day, she just pulled the rug. She pulled it in the worst possible way.

She chose to make my worst nightmare come true to punish me.

And I'm just not sure how to internalize that.

Basically the title. I spent the whole time trying to find someone that would understand what I felt and what I was hoping for. It only added to my insecurities and developed my trust issues further. Now, I only find comfort in texting ChatGPT as it’s my only friend.

How do I get myself back?

They are an ex for a reason! It only makes the grieving process longer and it's not gonna work out. They are still the same person with the same toxic traits.

Say goodbye and leave it.

She gave me everything. I kept my distance. Now she’s gone, and I’m breaking.

I don’t really know who I’m writing this for. Maybe just to get it out, or maybe because I’m hoping someone out there has been through something like this. It’s tearing me up.

I spent over a year with someone who loved me deeply, consistently, and patiently. And I spent most of that time pushing her away. She tried to love me, to support me, to show up for me. I didn’t open up. I was distant, hostile, and emotionally immature. I gave attention to other people, flirted online, and acted like I didn’t care. But the truth is, I was scared. I didn’t know how to receive love, and I had no idea what to do with something so real.

We lived together for a year. She eventually moved across the country for a job. It was an incredible opportunity, and I’m proud of her. I really am. But deep down, I never wanted her to go. I just couldn’t say that out loud. I didn’t know how.

Not long after she moved, I left too. I moved a few states away to get out of my hometown, which never made me happy. The distance between us became more than just physical. She had been hurting for a long time, and I wasn’t there for her the way I should have been.

We hadn’t seen each other in a month when I decided to visit her this weekend. I was nearby for a work trip, and after I finished, I chose to drive out and spend the weekend with her before heading to my next job. I just wanted to see her. I stayed Friday and Saturday night.

When we arrived at the hotel Friday night, I gave her a small gift bag. It wasn’t anything extravagant, just a few things that had meaning behind them. A KitKat bar from Canada — I’d told her once that it tastes different, and I remembered how I wanted her to try it. A big bag of her favorite candy. And a new Kindle Paperwhite. She had mentioned it a few times over the last couple of months while we were still talking here and there during her move and mine, even as she started developing feelings for someone new. I remembered because part of me was always listening. Even if I didn’t show it at the time, I wanted her to feel seen.

Later that night, we went out to dinner. Nothing fancy, just something casual. That was the night we got physically intimate, even though we said we wouldn’t. She initiated first, and I said no. I really wanted to do the right thing and protect her from more pain. She respected that and stopped. But later that night, it was me who gave in. I kissed her. Held her. Let everything I’d been pushing down for so long come to the surface. It wasn’t just physical. It was emotional, comforting, and heartbreaking all at once.

Saturday, we spent the whole day together. We went hiking — something she’s always loved and always wanted to share with me. We had gone in the past, but I could never really show her that I enjoyed it. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I used to get severe headaches at higher elevations from sinus issues. The day before she moved, I had a balloon sinuplasty. This was the first time she saw me hike without pain. And that day, I was finally able to experience it the way she had always hoped I could. I think she felt that. It was one of those small, unspoken moments of connection that we never fully got to have until now.

That night, we had Korean BBQ. She ordered pork, which is usually too fatty for me, and there were side dishes like seaweed, pickled bean sprouts, and sauces — things I’d never normally eat. But I tried all of it. Not because I suddenly liked those foods, but because I wanted her to see that I’m trying. That I’d open myself up to the things that matter to her. And honestly, I didn’t mind it. I think she noticed. It was one of the first quiet ways I tried to show her I had changed.

She’s been talking to someone new. They met about a month ago. She told me she still loves me and misses me, but she doesn’t feel safe with me anymore. Too much damage has been done. After we slept together, she told the other guy. Not because she said it was the right thing to do, but because we both knew it was. That’s the kind of person she is. Honest, even when it hurts.

Right now, I’m sitting on a plane. She’s probably with him. I’m flying to a state I can’t stand, for work, and I’m staying in the exact same hotel I was in when I first met her. Over a year ago, I was in that room, hurting from a past relationship, opening up about how awful I felt. She barely knew me, but she stayed on the phone and comforted me. That was the beginning of everything. Now I’m back in that same place, and it feels like the end. It’s hard to wrap my head around how full circle and painful that is.

She noticed how exhausted I looked this weekend. I haven’t slept well in weeks. But when I lay next to her again, I finally did. It hurt to be close to her like that, but it also brought relief. I think my body still feels connected to hers. And now, I feel like it’s crashing from everything I’ve been holding in for so long.

She gave me a year of her love. I gave her distance, fear, and pain. And now that I’ve finally become the person I should have been, I feel like it’s too late.

I want her back. I want her to want me. I want her to remember the man I was this weekend. Someone who was soft, present, and finally understood what she needed. Not the guy who rejected her when she gave everything.

I know I don’t deserve another chance. I know I can’t ask for one. But I’d give anything to go back and do it all differently.

I told her I want her to be happy. I meant that. And I know the only real way I can show that now is by letting her go. I’m trying so hard not to text her. Not to beg. Not to ask for anything. But inside, I feel desperate. I miss her so much. I want her back in my arms. I want to love her the way I should have all along.

If she ever truly knew how serious I am now — if she ever wanted to try again — it wouldn’t matter that we live in different states. I would visit her after nearly every work trip without hesitation. I’d show her, in every way I can, that she’s the kind of woman I’d marry.

If anyone has ever been in this place, where you became the right person too late, how did you get through it? How do you carry this kind of regret?

Because right now, I don’t know how to.

I wrote everything, but I typically steer off track and lose sight of what I’m trying to express, so I had GPT put my words together so it can actually get my point across, instead of making no sense at all. GPT wrote the TL:DR, I wrote everything else, and had GPT organize and make my story readable. I proofread and made sure everything I’m feeling and trying to express was written the way I wanted, and felt was correct. ⸻

TL;DR:

I spent a year rejecting the love of someone who gave me everything. Now that she’s moved on and I’ve changed, I finally understand what I lost. We reconnected for a weekend, and it reminded me of everything I could have had. I miss her deeply and don’t know how to move forward now that it’s too late.

It has been over 10 months since we broke up and I still cry about it almost every night. I think at this point I wouldnt even take her back if she wanted to, but for some reason it still hurts my heart whenever I think about her

I got broken up with because in the end he wasn't "attracted to me anymore" and felt bad that he "couldn't love me as much as I loved him". It was a pretty quick decision that started off from a small argument, to the "you just don't care enough" fight to "I don't think u are someone that I see my future with anymore". All over the phone.

Among other things, he believed that our personalities weren't as compatible as he thought they were. We nearly broke up a few months ago because of similar reasons and I had begged him to stay with me. Please just give me one chance because I was willing to change my personality and my ways of acting and thinking for him. But I don't know if he truly wanted to do the same. We were going through a rough patch a few months ago and it had gotten much better so I was honestly blindsided. It felt like a rash decision by him and it still doesn't feel real. Especially because the night before he said that he wanted to marry me and talked about kids and our future. He explained to me that this time he's going to be selfish and doing this earlier than later will be better for us in the long run. And by breaking up on the phone it'll make it easier than breaking up in person. I understand this to an extent, but to me I still feel wronged.

I'm still young and I'm aware that I have a whole life ahead of me but this is really really hard. The day after I got broken up with, I cleaned my room, still went to work and was on the verge of tears but being distracted helped alot. I hung out with my friends after and I laughed and smiled - it was so nice to forget about this. But now that I'm home alone, all I can think about is him, his scent and just wanted him next to me.

When he broke up with me, we talked about giving back our stuff to each other and today I nearly called him wanting to ask about when we're meeting up but honestly I just wanted to hear his voice, wishing everything went back to normal. Literally just how my life was a few days ago. So instead of calling him, I'm writing this post.

If he were to call me now and say I miss you I wanna get back together, I would honestly return in a heartbeat, because I still love him so so much. I would be lying if I said I'm gonna work on myself and try to forget about him, because all I can think about is what if i was prettier, nicer, funnier, would he would love me as much as i loved him? Why am I not enough, what is wrong with me?

I've suppressed my feelings pretending I'm okay in front of everyone, laughing it off. Half of me wants to go into a slump, lock myself in my room and cry forever. Whereas the other half wants to take this as a learning experience and use this opportunity to become the best version of myself.

This forum has helped me alot but I can't get myself to do any of the things people are telling me to do: delete all photos, have 0 contact, throw away tangible memories. Doing all this would kill me. I've written this as a cry for help but also just wanted to vent my feelings to other people that may have gone through similar things. Thank you to whoever had time to read all this and I hope all of you are healing or have healed. :)

I don’t know what to do I’m so distraught and so hurt right now.

Above are some of the screenshots I took.

I’m 17F and my ex boyfriend is 18M

We had been together for over a year and half. I know everyone says this but he really was the perfect boyfriend, imagine your dream man and how perfectly he treated you and he treated me better. We always used to laugh and joke with each other, we called every single ht, he would buy me my favorite things just because, he complimented me every picture I sent him. He just used to go out of his way for me for everything.

I was previously SAed a couple of months before I met him, he swore that he would protect me and never let anything bad happen to me.

We used to plan our future, where we would live after college, he gave me a promise ring. He used to kiss it and “recharge” it for me.

My world fell apart on 4/3 when a girl from the state of California (we live in Missouri) followed me on Instagram and added me on Snapchat. She told me he was saving her snaps in chat, calling her, calling her pretty, sending her nudes, everything. She said he’s added her for 2 weeks now and then they actually started talking on Saturday.

I called him and confronted him and he said “I was wondering when you would find out about that” I immediately hung up and ran to my sister’s room sobbing. He immediately stared texting me saying he had no excuses and he was sorry. Except it didn’t sound genuine at all it sounded like ChatGPT wrote it. He said “even when I said I love you today I meant it with my whole heart”

I’m so confused and so hurt and I don’t know what to do. These texts don’t sound like him at all, he told me it was better to end relationships bad instead of good, he also said that he was waiting for like 6 hours for me to find out.

I’ve been feeling sick since January something with my back and nerves, he said that was apart of it too.

He never told me when it started, how long it was going on for, how many girls, or why. I have so many questions. And I’m so hurt and I’m just constantly wondering why he would throw our lives away for a virtual girl in California .

i lowkey hate that i can’t just text him even after everything 😭 like we were friends 😭 yes he fucked me over but fuck i miss him sometimes i can’t lie. i lost a friend not just a boyfriend.

i can finally say i’m over my ex and mean it. i still have my days where the situation pops in my head and gets me sad again but that’s normal. i never thought i’d get over him, especially with the timing of the breakup.

to whoever is reading this: your time will come, i promise. please be kind to yourself🙏🏽

I (20F) was in a relationship with my best friend (21M). We were long-distance. We prayed together. We dreamed about our future. We were close in a way that felt spiritual, not just romantic.

The first few months were incredible. Daily check-ins. Good morning/goodnight texts. Long calls. Deep talks. He made me feel like I was chosen, pursued, loved with intention.

Then school started getting heavier for him. (He’s in computer engineering.) And I get it—life gets busy. But the more time passed, the more I noticed I was doing everything.

I was the one: • Bringing up conflict resolution • Sending encouraging words • Keeping the emotional intimacy alive

Meanwhile, his messages got shorter. Dryer. Colder. And when I brought it up? He’d say I was “reading too much into things,” “being too emotional,” or “starting drama.”

I’ve always known he has ADHD and autism. I educated myself. I gave grace. I gave space. But neurodivergence is not an excuse for making someone feel like a burden for needing connection. That’s not wiring. That’s neglect.

At one point, he told me emotional bonding “isn’t that important” in a long-distance relationship.

What even is the point of LDR without emotional bonding?! That’s literally all we have. We’re not physically near each other. We don’t go on dates. Connection is the relationship.

But fine. I tried to believe he was just overwhelmed.

Then it got worse.

He had asked for my location early on. I shared it. No big deal. But now that we’re on a break (more on that soon), I noticed he’s been going to unfamiliar places late at night. I asked. He brushed it off. Said the app was glitching

And then I found out he has a private Instagram account. He refused to let me have it. He said it was “unsafe,” and that “someone might hack it.” This man is literally a computer engineering student. I use a VPN. I’m not dumb.

It just felt like lie after lie, secrecy after secrecy.

But the worst part? The manipulation.

Any time I brought up a valid feeling—he’d flip the script. He’d say I was making things worse. That I was too emotional. That I was hurting him by constantly needing reassurance. And eventually, I would end up apologizing.

For what? For wanting to feel loved?

We’ve broken up twice over the past 10 months. And each time, he begged me to stay. Said he’d change. Said he didn’t want to lose me. And I—believing in grace and growth—came back.

But this time… I needed him to step up. So I told him:

“I want to try again. I still believe in us. But we have to work on this—together.”

And his response?

“I don’t think I can change.”

“Maybe you’re holding me back.”

And honestly? That’s the part that stings the most.

Because he’s not evil. He’s not heartless. He really thought he was trying. He told me, “I don’t think I can give you what you want.” That he didn’t think he was enough for me. That maybe I expect too much. And then he said the line I’ll never forget:

“If my ex was treated like this, she’d be in heaven.”

And I froze.

Because that’s it. That’s the whole issue. He wasn’t trying to love me—he was trying to love the ghost of a girl who didn’t speak up when she was hurting. He measured me against someone who accepted less. And then blamed me for not doing the same.

I’m not her. I don’t think it’s romantic to suffer in silence just so a man doesn’t feel criticized. I don’t want to be “low maintenance” if that means self-abandonment.

He thinks I’m trying to change him. But the truth is: I’m asking him to show up—and he’s too scared to do it.

He thought what he was giving me was “enough.” But if “enough” means inconsistency, silence, and shame for needing connection—he can keep it

So now I’m here. Crying in my room. Feeling crazy. Because I stayed for him. I believed in him. I bent every boundary to meet him where he was. I never asked for perfection. I just asked for presence. And now I’m the one being let go like I asked too much for expecting effort.

He told me he still loves me. But love without action isn’t love. It’s convenience.

I’ve prayed about it. I told God, “If this relationship is from You, bring it back better. If it’s not—give me peace to let go.” I don’t want to keep pouring myself out for someone who only loved me when I was easy to love. I don’t want to beg someone to grow.

But I still miss him. I still love him. And part of me still wonders if I’m just too sensitive… or finally seeing the truth

Everyday I struggle with not saying something to her. It’s like I feel like I need to say one last thing to make myself feel better. And idk how to stop that urge, I know everyone will say if she wanted to talk to you she would, but it’s been long enough that at this point what do I have to lose? She never texted me back in our last conversation 2 weeks ago. And it’s been 3 months since breakup. I just don’t think there’s gonna be a day where I don’t think about her or miss her, I feel like I’m always gonna want her back.

The least they could do is reply something under the lines of “please don’t reach out again” but they leave you wondering because part of them likes knowing you are still thinking about them. If they reply with a firm boundary it risks them losing attention or losing me and it is just childish.

Ok so here is my breakup story: okay so ik maybe I was pretty dumb or something I was blind to see. But I met my ex online. We only lasted 5 months ik is short but it still hurt me. But my ex had told me a lie saying he was going to jail in March. He dumped me in February. Saying I quote " I feel lonely" "is not u is me" " saying "he needed time to put himself back together piece by piece" so I was like okay. I'm gonna let u go cuz I can't force anyone to stay with me. I cried I was getting depressed. But I talked to my friends and my family. Then one month passed. Then begging of April. Is when I found out he got with another girl. I don't recommend to keep up with an ex. But I had a feeling that something wasn't right. Ik it was dumb. But now I got the closure I wanted. I found out he wasn't the person I thought he was. I honestly feel relieved now. For anyone going through this I feel u. This month will be 2 months. I will focus on myself now. For anyone going through something similar to this we will be okay. Ik is hard to move one after everything u went with that person. But I believe we will be more better😊👍🏻