I have good parents good education and looks good on paper everything but physically and mentally I am almost disabled I feel like. First of all I have both a lisp and rhotacism and can make my wouth wide to speak properly which destroys my first impressions. I used to work out but have gynocomastia and incredibly slow thyroid which makes it impossible to lose weight and gain muscle when everyon doing half of what I do looks better. I am 19 so theres some hope for the future but I cannot do most things mentally. I have been raised weak as hell and feel weak, a people pleaser maybe. I dont know if all this is that bas sometimes I think it couldve been worse but most days it feels like I am drowning in what everyone would call a good life. I had some romantic relationships which just ended in the girls losing interest due to one or all of the things I said. It feels like I started 2-0 down. Is this all in my head?

I (19f) am suffering from depression, anxiety and panic disorder. I’m really struggling atm. Any advice/tips that you can offer?

I'm always socially anxious and have dealt with depression for years but something I just don't understand about my behavior and my mind really is that for some time I'm a hundred times worse and I don't seem to care about it at all during those times?

I isolate myself from my family, friends and try to have as little as possible contact with everyone else and I'm not sad during those times. At least not sadder than normal. I even get more optimistic about life and about myself. I figure this is because my being isolated I don't have to deal with my social anxiety and my life just becomes studying and working out (which normally takes less of an effort doing during those times).

But then I kind of remind myself that I'm absolutely isolated and I shouldn't be. I like being around people most of the time, I just don't know how to properly be around them (if that makes sense). I like making someone laugh and having a good time with a group of friends, and when I can feel my social anxiety going away (it happens when I'm with like my sister and my 2 closest friends) it's when I'm happiest.

The long time friends I have today are really really patient because I gave them EVERY reason ever to just step away and be like just acquainted to me. I have ghosted them for months (I don't do this anymore) and then came back like nothing happened saying that I was just protecting them from my negativity. Most of the times it was true, but some not. Some of the times I just CHOSE not to talk to my friends and stay alone and mind my business and wasn't in a bad state at all. I know that was wrong and have apologized.

I have lost uncountable friends due to these ghosting phases and it just sucks but I feel like I can't help it. When I try to rekindle my relationship with people I didn't respond to for months, it's never the same again and it almost always ends in them just giving up on me (I totally understand and have nothing against them). Nobody needs to deal with this kind of things and I can just imagine how stressful this could be to my friends even right now.

What I wrote sounded confusing to me as I wrote it but if anyone understands what I mean or even have been through this, it would be nice to hear how it's been and how you manage this. I've been treated for depression and anxiety for years and I feel like I'm better but still suffer a lot with it.

I told my mom that I felt alone, empty, that I felt like I was just a body without a soul, with a mask covering reality, and she just said, "Oh my God! Do you know how I feel as a mom hearing that? Just pray to God and everything will be okay." Is praying to God really the solution to the emptiness and agony I feel for being a bad person to those who love me?

Please I need help please I need someone to talk to please

I am looking for a post I read several years ago on either Tumblr or Twitter I think? Maybe it was even re-sharing a screenshot from Facebook or something.

Instead of the usual advice for the reader who is depressed, it's aimed at friends of a depressed person on how to take care of that friend.

I remember it specifically mentioned washing their hair for them and taking them for a drive. I think it also mentioned things like making them food and cleaning and picking up trash.

Does anyone have it saved? Usually I'm great at finding ultra-specific things with Google but no luck.

(I seem to be the only friend who feels comfortable engaging with someone in crisis, so when I'm struggling and reaching out to everyone I can think of for just, like, someone to come change my sheets or give me a ride on 1 errand, it's radio silence)

Every morning feels heavy, like I’m dragging myself through mud. But I keep getting up, even when my brain screams ‘what’s the point?’ I’m not sure if that’s strength or just numb survival, but I’m here. If you’re here too, I see you.

I’m basically spiraling rn and I just want my brain to leave me the f alone. Why can it ever shut up ? Like give me a fucking break. My chest feels heavy, i want to scream to make this feeling go away. Why can’t i be "normal" ? The worst thing is that sometimes i do feel normal and in these moments i feel good, happy like as if my bad days never really mattered and but deep down i know it never last. The shitty feeling will come back. But you never know when or why. Your brain just shifts and it doesn’t matter what you’re telling yourself, if it decided to be sad, or whatever other shitty feeling, then it’s gonna be like that. Do i want to be sad and anxious rn ? The fuck not. And i’m trying as hard as i can to counter that feeling but it’s too damn hard. I’m tired man. So fucking tired. I want to live without this constant threat above my head. I do see a psychologist since last fall but i feel like it’s not going anywhere. I’m just exhausted.

i’ve just been reflecting on the kind’s of people i’ve fallen for in the past however many years i’ve been on this god forsaken earth

There has really only been 3 people i actually loved,one was someone i knew in secondary school was never really on a talking basis with so got over after a few years,then there was my 1st real love someone i considered to be my best friend who one day left with no real explanation and then there is my more current best friend who i lost after many years who i loved dearly

The one common trait among the 3 is the fact that my love for all 3 was purely one sided and something that cost me dearly

Took me serveal years to get over 2 and i’m talking 6ish years after not speaking to them and its only been a year since 3 and regardless of however long it takes to get over them i’m just not sure i ever really want to love anyone ever again

Weirdly Ive had many people love me over the years for various reasons to my surprise but like my deep rooted feelings they were ever only one sided.

I often tried to make alot of relationships work wether it was down to be pressured into them or even believing i had some sort of feelings for them which in reality weren’t ever really there

I find it extremely difficult to truly fall in love with someone but as soon as i do,it’s extremely difficult for me to ever let those feelings go

There is part of me that yearns for a form of love but i just don’t want it to be one sided for the person or for me to fall for someone again in which it would never work out thus repeating the cycle

the problem goes back to the phrase used in the title of this post “i sure know how to pick em” because it seems based on my previous records I always end up falling for the wrong people and as i previously stated once those feels develop it’s next to impossible to ever get rid of them

Of course i yearn for a deep long and meaningful relationship but in actuality it just feels impossible and that taking that risk again in actuality falling for someone after the many years it will take me to move past the previous person i loved would be wasted effort

People may say you may find the one and this and that but what’s the old saying? “3rd time’s the charm” we’ve gone past that now i just don’t want to waste more of my life griefing over yet another “what could’ve been”

I’m new to Reddit but I feel like this is the only way I can get everything out while also not knowing anyone. I had a really tough childhood, grew up POOR, my dad left to get the milk when I was very very young, and my ex-stepdad wasn’t the nicest if you catch my drift. I graduated highschool a few years ago and ever since ive just not had motivation. I missed out on my free years of college and now I feel like I’ll never get that chance to go back between the cost of it, having a baby, and everything else going on. Me and my bf lost our apartment a while back because we couldn’t keep up with groceries, rent, and all the other bills. My car also broke down the same time and it’s still not even back up. I feel like I’ve just been mentally declining and idk what to do. I’m so upset at myself because it feels like the past few years I should’ve gotten a handle on things, went to school, and saved up better but now it’s too late. Idk maybe I just need a slap in the face

Everything about life is a nightmare. I feel like even if I killed myself I will be somehow be stuck with the same problems. I just want to get away from it all. I just want to be happy and normal but I can't. Why can't I just have peace? Everything feels like hell and I can't escape. Every moment of every day, there has not been a moment of happiness or peace. I'm so tired of life like genuinely. I'm so tired of my mind. I'm so tired of not feeling normal and happy. I just want to wake up from this nightmare. I've lost all my friends and can't make new ones and I can't be happy. I get that life is a gift and a miracle but I can't keep living when I feel like hell. I don't want to die but I just feel like dying in my sleep peacefully. I've tried everything to make life feel better but literally nothing works and I'm getting close to losing my shit.

In the daytime, I’m giving fucking effort to seem happy but in the nights I feel like a shit Why this is happening

I genuinely do not know what I want. (Also trigger warning? I will be talking about people’s stereotypical views on depression and people with depression). But I like to think I’m not the crazy one.

I tried to sh today for the first time after my brain telling me to do it many times for months. There has been couple previous attempts that didn’t follow through because I am coward, but this time, I thought I was really gonna do it.

Sure I technically did it (or not; I feel like it’s really not SH based on the result). But nothing close to serious or anything. Nothing. I think I was too scared to actually put force into it. So that was basically pretending to sh. And I feel strange and stupid.

Now the urge is gone after I did that (I am completely fine, basically no harm has been done!).

I feel so, so bad that I cannot stop thinking about suicide and sh and I can’t even bring myself to do a small damage. Maybe I’m not that depressed. So why do I feel miserable? Do I just want to do it because that is something depressed people do? Do I want attention by doing so? I don’t think I do. Then why can’t I actually do it? Am I not depressed enough?

I keep thinking about suicide. And I want to. I think I would be happy if I were to die today, tomorrow, an hour later. But it’s not like I’m going to put effort into making it happen. I do my everyday work, come back, sleep and repeat. I know I’m scared to actually do it. There are so many ways one could theoretically do it. Why can’t I even attempt it? I just constantly think about it but I can’t do it. That has to mean that I secretly don’t want to die? But I hate myself and my life.

It’s so confusing. Honestly I feel like two persons; I can’t really remember what and how I felt when I am better and when I am depressed, I can’t relate to what I was feeling when I was good. Probably after some time passes, I probably would think I was crazy for trying to sh. I feel fine now. How? Why? Where did my urge go?

I just feel… stupid. I am ruining my own life. I wish I can actually do something or just stop thinking about it. Sorry, my writing is all over the place. I just needed to get this off my chest.

I’m not satisfied with where I am in life – I once became a shut-in and let three years of education slip me by, and I’m now paying the price. I can’t get a summer job, I’m just an average student with average intelligence, barely passing some subjects. I’ve been alive for 20 years and have nothing to show for it. My ambitions amount to nothing and remain mere distractions. I want to break free from my drab life, but it seems like I don’t have what it takes, despite trying. Pushing myself to go the extra mile feels unrealistic. I’ve tried “locking in,” but it quickly leaves me overwhelmed, disappointed, and burned out.

On the other hand, there are things to appreciate. For instance, I’m physically healthy (as far as I’m concerned), I have my basic needs met, with some leeway for things here and there sometimes. But I’m still socially inept, average, directionless, and often lazy.

Irresponsibly, I’ve used self-harm, nicotine, and alcohol to deal with my ruminative self-hatred — to the point where I’ve spent part of my free time alone in my apartment, smoking, bleeding, puking, and getting blackout drunk. I recently went to psychiatry to find out what the hell was wrong with me. I was transparent with my struggles, but it turns out nothing is “wrong” with me — except for my pre-existing ASD and sleep disorder diagnoses. Which has led me to think that it’s all in my head.

My future looks bleak. Knowing my capabilities, the best I can hope for is to land some boring, run-of-the-mill job in the distant future (if even that), and spend my free time as a mindless consumer. I know I can improve my mental health by practicing good habits — mindfulness, exercise, sleep hygiene, eating well, and spending time with people. Yet all it takes is one bad day for me to start spiraling again, leading to more self-destructive behaviors.

It’s so exhausting — I could be bedrotting, questioning my existence, and wanting to do absolutely jackshit all in one day. And then, the very next day, be up and running, getting tasks done, and seeming completely fine to everyone and myself. In hindsight, most people don’t have it figured out, which is fine — but successful people make me envious and reflective. Seeing their accomplishments makes me yearn for something more. I accordingly attempt to make a change, and come out the other side empty-handed.

My life’s absurd.

Maybe in another world I’m mentally healthy and live a happy life that I envy others have. Maybe in another life I’m not bitter about the past. Maybe in another universe no one treats me like shit. Maybe in another world I’m not haunted by the last of severe bullying.

Hey anyone know the trick of not caring ahout things not loving way too much actually none . Is there anyone who can help me to teach how not to get attach with people not take care of them ..treat them how they deserve.

I have lost myself in order to love too much , care too much . I'm on my suicidal pahase . Already tried 6 times . Don't know how long and how much i can handel.

It's getting heavier day by day and lonely 🙁. Hope to die soon .

I feel like I have no one who genuinely enjoys spending time with me. I hang out in groups of friends and get this feeling like if I wasn’t there everything would be the exact same if not better. no one reaches out or wants to hang out with me or texts me first. I genuinely just feel so alone.

Life really feels like a sick joke. Everyone goes through hard times. Fine. Normal. Whatever. But I am at the lowest I've ever ever been in my 32 years and it couldn't be at a worse time. A medicine caused me to become extremely sleep deprived and suicidal for the first time in my life. My family can't afford this. I can't afford this. Missed my best friend's wedding from this. Missed my sister's wedding from this. My sister is now pregnant. We are each other's only sibling. Only a year apart. She needs me now more than ever. My father is paralyzed. Im suppose to help him move out of state to be near more family support.I'm no longer available for him. Everything around me is thriving and I'm wasting the day away fixated on ending my life. A life I don't want to end. Life is beautiful. Hard as shit but beautiful. I wish I never took that medication. I'm just so traumatized and broken now. Went from family matriarch to family failure in the blink of an eye. My family is so hurt behind my situation. I've been their rock for all of these years just to end up crushing everyone beyond repair. I'm so needed which is alot of pressure but I handled it. Just to break and have everyone feeling helpless. What a horrible legacy to leave. What a short life to live. I still have so much to see and do but I really don't think I can come back from this. Everything feels like a chore or aimless wandering. I could go back to normal just for something else to come knocking me off my feet. I'm tired. Physically fine. No cancer or horrible illness. Just a mind altering medication and my whole has been completely turned upside down. I hate myself.

I've been avoiding responsibilities such as homework for about 6 months but it feels longer than that. I know my responsibilities but I don't want to do them. I can even force myself to get out of bed most days. I dread the future. I have big deadlines coming up but I haven't worked on them yet. I feel like a loser and failure. There's no point in trying to do better at this point because I know I'll fail in the future. I've been given so many opportunities to do better but I waste them and procrastinate. Can somebody please tell me what's wrong with me?

I always struggled finding friends that I really like and that care about me (I did the classic thing of putting myself back into the place of getting abused because it was what I was used to and felt comfortable), and I would always isolate myself and it would just make the depression worse. But now I have friends that I love! Yay!

Buuuut the bad thing is that every time I get home after hanging out with them I just start feeling like I’m sinking into sadness and darkness because I don’t want the good feelings to go away. And now I’m actually scared to meet my friends or make new ones because I’m anxious to feel the depression, or trigger the depression to come back for years again. But I know it’s impossible to constantly have plans 24/7 and I have to deal with it at some point.

Does anyone have any advice? I love my friends and I love being around people, I don’t want to isolate myself again. I’m terrified to become the black hole I used to be again.

Any tips to deal with the after socialization depression?

is this associated with intense episodes of anxiety/depression? It has been gradually getting worse for me the longer my depressive episodes are. it gets to the point where I feel light headed, cold and weak. feels like I exhaust my whole brain power.

After a while in remisssion actually years I’m feeling suicidally low again how can I survive please help me

I have diagnosed Major Depressive Disorder and Right now I am smack dab in a depressive episode. First one in two and a half years. I have my tools and tricks from CBT to help some but I realized today my apartment in and of itself is very depressing.

Does anyone have any thoughts, ideas, or suggestions on things I could do to try to make it less so. No paint, permanent changes, holes or damage to the walls. I have physical disabilities so large objects would be tricky but I have a vehicle, access to a shopping cart, and an elevator to move things in or around the building and apartment.

I have been in this apartment just over 4 years and it has never felt like home.