Hi there! You described me, for the most part. Just a few months ago, my therapist informed me that I'm a perfectionist, and a whole lot of stuff clicked into place.
I can plan for things, and I can do stuff when I'm not in my head fussing about it--but when I overplan or overthink any situation I get paralyzed by wanting it to go EXACTLY RIGHT. And knowing that it probably won't, I have a really hard time taking that first simple step, even it if would be pretty easy.
my therapist informed me that I'm a perfectionist, and a whole lot of stuff clicked into place. I can plan for things, and I can do stuff when I'm not in my head fussing about it--but when I overplan or overthink any situation I get paralyzed by wanting it to go EXACTLY RIGHT. And knowing that it probably won't, I have a really hard time taking that first simple step, even it if would be pretty easy.
This is exactly my problem in a nutshell. Every job I've had for the last 10 years I have had this issue come up over and over and over again and I cannot seem to find a way out of the death spiral.
I actually just got a write-up from my manager yesterday and during his "counseling" session, he informed me that the "best," as I've called myself, doesn't end up in his office all the time.
I go to my job with the intent of being the best. I want to do everything right and be the most amazing thing since sliced bread, but then I see all these people who fuck everything up. They do it wrong, take shortcuts, and just don't give a shit. I do my best to fix it and make it right, then inform them about the proper way I think things should be done according to basic common logic and I get in trouble.
It's happened for years and I have no idea how to deal with the problem. I don't know how to just "shut off" my desire to do things correctly. It's an obsession. I feel like if I just stop caring then I drop down to their level and I just cannot bring myself to do that. But if I don't, I am caught up in this desire to make everything and everyone around me better - an impossible task.
Do you have any advise on dealing with something like this?
I don't know your job or your total situation, but it sounds like you're trying to do managerial work in addition to your own duties.
There's nothing at all wrong with a desire to do things correctly, but it sounds like you have a strong desire to have things done correctly too, and that's what's getting you in trouble. If you're not in a position of authority over the people you're advising, that can create a lot of friction.
You can't fix everything and everybody, and by trying to expand your scope to deal with other people's problems you're reducing your ability to excel at what you're supposed to be doing by splitting your focus. Try to put on some metaphorical blinders. Let other people do their own thing their own way. If they're wrong, let the managers tell them as much and try to fix things in their own way.
Think of it like taking a test in school. Focus on your own paper. It doesn't matter if the kid next to you is fucking up an equation--you shouldn't even be looking at their paper. It's the teacher's job to teach, and it's your job to get an A on that test.
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u/[deleted] May 30 '17
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