Whoever you are, you are as worthy of experiencing nature’s beauty as anyone, and in ways that work for you.

I have had a complicated relationship with nature, which I am turning into a beautiful one.

Being autistic, I prefer a predictable, cozy indoor environment with technology to focus me. I often have felt as if I ought to be outside more, but travel and elements of nature can be overstimulating. Being around birds and other wild animals can be hard, too. I empathize with them and, although I do not really know what they are going through, I know that they live nuanced lives like I do and they often suffer. Their sounds and movements can feel like a lot of confusing, mysterious energy to be around.

As for being transgender, I grew up feeling like I must be "unnatural." But over time, I developed my rebuttal to that. My brain is as much a part of nature as my body is. It's not about denying either one, but finding a harmony.

Disabled people are just as worthy and real as the most wilderness-fit among us. Humans as a species are designed to redesign. "Mother Nature" does not "love" everyone equally in terms of equipping us with what we need. We all need human-made accommodations. I remind myself of these things because I sometimes fall into feeling as if I my chronic illness and on-and-off mobility challenges mean I don't belong on Earth, but I do belong here.

And I celebrate the little things, like stepping outside for just 5 minutes to touch a plant and smile at the sun.

Recently, I reflected on how inequality could cause many different types of humans to feel disconnected from nature, and perhaps to seek some self-love around this theme:

• Who belongs on a natural beach with their bare skin loving the sunlight? Any body who wants that!
• You don't have to be a young, able-bodied hiker in a stock photo to savor connecting with nature.
• With wealth, it's easier to experience nature as a restorative space you can buy. That may not be the case if you are surviving outside or living around pollution.
• Nature time can be promoted for its mental health benefits, but everyone is different and backpacking can be stressful for many of us.
• I really want to learn from how BIPOC and diverse marginalized individuals reclaim their relationships with nature.

What is your relationship with nature like? Any self-love that you like to give yourself around this topic? I would love to learn from your experience.

After a long day of masking (which is most days), I’ve found a glass or two of wine highly effective in helping me to relax and unwind. After a few years of using wine in this way though, it’s become an almost EVERY night ritual, which I know isn’t healthy. The problem is that I can’t find an adequate substitute for (1) the mouthfeel of a rich red wine and (2) the slow sipping experience it provides.

I tried nonalcoholic wine and it was AWFUL. I’ve tried nonalcoholic spritzers and beers, but they don’t feel rich enough in my mouth, if that makes sense.

The closest substitute I’ve found to get to that level of chill is soaking in a hot bath for an hour or so, but I don’t have time for that most nights.

Has anyone found any brilliant substitutes?

Im 16 and ive worked towards the idea of getting real mental health help for years (as CAMHS isnt compatible with most autistics and ive had no support other than them. All they do is discharge me for being unresponsive to their treatment and then my gp just refers me back to them. It's been happening since i was 6). And now i have my diagnosis i dont really know where to go or what to do and i have no idea how this impacts my life now.

Hey I (28F) recently had been using chat GPT for some inquiries about patterns and the flow of time. When it eventually asked me if I’ve ever done a self assessment test or been diagnosed with Autism. This was kind of a shock. I’ve been dealing with burnout and jaw clenching. My husband and I have been distant because I get to overwhelmed in loud public spaces. I guess I do have one question does getting diagnosed make things better or should I just keep masking?

Does anybody else feel like they have absolutely no real personality like they only have their masking ones ??

Hi everyone,

I (F, 22) am really new to the community, online and IRL.

I have recently discovered I am autistic, and things are beginning to make sense. I am finding this all very overwhelming, and especially with being told my referral for my diagnosis might get knocked back (my health provider doesn’t have the correct capacity of psychologists right now).

My parents are being really accommodating and understand my certain behaviours now, and I feel really supported. My job can be really stressful, and as I say, I understand why I get more overwhelmed than others etc, but I’m not sure what support I can ask for, from my employer? As this has happened in my adulthood, im still learning slowly each day, what my comforts are etc.

If anyone could be so kind, and let me know what helps them work wise, id really appreciate it so I can start to really understand myself.

I really want to find out what works for me, so I can start living my life the best I need.

There’s no scientific evidence to support this claim. It’s infantilizing and ableist. I’m not claiming that there’s any truth to the statement above.

Backstory of this post: I’m in dialogue with a job consultant lady, who specializes in people with diagnoses, especially autism. She’s super nice and lovely. She has an adult son who’s autistic too, so she knows more about autism than an ordinary consultant would’ve.

She told me a bit about her son and how he struggled with his education, because he was “younger” (mentally) than his peers.
He wasn’t stupid by any means, he was just “younger”. When all the 18 year old peers were out drinking and partying, he was, allegedly, mentally 14 and didn’t have any interest in socializing in that way with them.

She told me that people with autism were roughly 2/3 their actual age. Which is obviously wrong as all hell. I’m 21, not 14. And I won’t be 40 in my 60s. I’m more mature than a 14 year old. I have been since I was like 9.

I still live at home. My mom makes me food, washes my clothes, everything. She’s a saint. I could never have the energy to do those things. I can easily go weeks without a meal because cooking is entirely too much for me. Everything is overwhelming, and I struggle to see myself move out independently, maintain a liveable environment, eat, make phone calls and talk with all the different professionals a person would need throughout their life. I’m considered level 1, but that’s only because my mom is doing so much for me.

Here’s my issue: I really resonated with the “autistic people are mentally younger”, because I know I can’t compare myself to my peers, because we just aren’t the same. Just because my peers are going to university, doesn’t mean I have to too. I have my own pace. I can’t hold myself to their standards.
So the idea that I was 14 - rather than a 21 year old who should be moving out, having an adult relationship, pursuing higher education, or have a full time job - was really comforting. No 14 year old is moving out, so why should I, right?

Is this some internalized ableism? Delusions? Normal? Am I purposely (subconsciously) infantilizing myself?

Please be honest but also kind. Constructive feedback is appreciated.

We are late 40s. We met at the end of December—started as friends, but she pursued me for more. Things felt strong and mutual at first. Then her schedule got intense (she works long days, 6:30 AM to 7:30 PM, and has a lot of caregiving responsibilities at home), and our dynamic shifted.

We’re both neurodivergent—autistic and ADHD—which definitely plays a role in how we communicate and process emotions. She’s said she has strong feelings for me, that she doesn’t want to let me go, and that things will be better once her schedule slows down... but that might not be for another 3 months. We live 3.5 hours apart and haven’t seen each other since mid-January.

She came out later in life and hasn’t dated much, especially not in same-sex relationships. Her last relationship—also with a woman—was very difficult, and she’s still carrying some emotional scars from it. I came from a 22-year abusive marriage and have done a lot of therapy and healing work, so I tend to be more emotionally available and grounded.

Sometimes there’s warmth and a clear bond. Other times, she seems distant or inconsistent. She says she’s overwhelmed, but I’m trying to figure out if I’m being understanding… or just being strung along. I’m not asking her for a relationship right now, just for clarity and some kind of consistency.

I’d love thoughts—especially from other neurodivergent folks or anyone who’s navigated something like this in later-in-life lesbian relationships.

I work as a crossing guard for an elementary school, I worry about getting hit by a car.

I started parking at an abandoned church because there is no parking for the school.

I went back to my car Thursday, and my boyfriend managed to be behind me while we were leaving work and he called me. Asked me if I was ok. I was confused and when we got to his apartment, I pulled into an area and looked. The passenger back side of the car was dented, huge!

I called my parents and let them know, I called my boss (she works for the police station), and I reported it. But they said there were no cameras so, not much can be done.

I always worry someone will run me over, I never thought someone would smash up my car. And in a church parking lot no less.

hey everybody, i’ve been struggling with telling some of my family members about being autistic and wanted to hear some of your guys’ experiences!

i’ll start with my experience. i was diagnosed with “mild to moderate” asd in october and feel very comfortable and affirmed with this. before i was diagnosed, i told my mom i suspected asd but she isn’t very educated on the subject. i went through all the criteria with her and she agreed to every individual point, but at the end she was like “i just don’t see it!” like she can agree to the small details but not what they ultimately point to. i’m guessing because how “loaded” being autistic might sound to someone who doesn’t understand. because of how this conversation went i’ve been very hesitant to share my diagnosis with her and the rest of my family. i’m also nervous about sharing in case she asks to see what the psychiatrist wrote about me. not that there’s anything super bad on there but i don’t want her to worry about me because he wrote some personal things i’d rather not get into or have anybody else see. the only people i’ve told are my partner, my friends, and my sister. they’ve all been pretty chill about it and treat me exactly the same as before, but i just can’t build up the courage to share it with my other family members.

so i’m wondering, have you guys told your family about your diagnosis/suspicion? how did they react? do you wish you hadn’t? thanks :)

I feel like this has become the single greatest struggle of my adult life - how to have time to pursue my interests while also keeping my responsibilities afloat.

For context, I live with my elderly parents and their needs have varied quite a bit over the last several years between accidents and surgeries. I pretty much take care of their dog now, and also have three guinea pigs of my own. I work full time M-F, thank goodness no overtime. And almost zero social life.

It seems like to keep up on my responsibilities and have a clean enough house that I'm not stressed out, it requires most of my time and energy. I've tried so many different ways to balance - switching between the two every hour, having a day centered around housekeeping and the next centered around my interests. If I try to split things evenly, I end up behind on basic tasks like laundry and keeping my bedroom tidy, and that causes me a lot of distress and anxiety. If I spend most of my time doing housework, I feel tired and deprived of the only things that soothe my mind and bring me happiness. I'm so cranky and miserable without pursuing them on a regular basis.

I'm not overly strict about cleanliness. Just stuff like vacuuming and cleaning my bathroom once a week, keeping up on dishes and trash daily, etc. There's still a lot, though. I'm so slow with work, too. Rushing and being super efficient don't appeal to me; I like to be careful and thorough.

If anyone out there has a system, even if it's imperfect, please - how do you do it?

For context I'm not a touchy person at all but overtime I have been able to learn to kind of swallow the discomfort when someone for say hugs me.

I have gotten better with people touching me but I have this friend which I haven't told about my dislike of touch and I usually wouldn't, but unfortunately he's a really touchy person like he pats my head rubs my knee and pokes me and I just keep the feeling it gives me bottled up and cry about it when I get home.

So I do need to tell him that I don't like people touching me and have little tolerance for it without hurting his feelings and making him upset.

If anyone knows how I should tell him that would be awesome.

I thought I didn’t struggle too much with relationships but lately I have been reflecting on the term “best friend”. I’ve never felt someone to be my best friend despite any obvious closeness but I run into this dilemma where multiple people refer to me as their best friend! And it feels awkward, because I have trouble labeling them this back. Almost feels like the notorious not saying “I love you” back to someone who says it first lol.

I feel pretty lonely with my diagnosis and I’ve been trying to understand if better. So I’ve been seeking out series and movies with characters who are on the spectrum. The only problem, I’ve never felt too close with any of them. The only one that I’ve found actually great is “atypical” although the character’s symptoms are still quite different from mine. Often it’s presented as something great, that makes the person special and attracts either success or other people. But for me it’s been quite the opposite. I struggle a lot in both social and academical/professional matters. I’m no genius who succeeds in life and I don’t have any friends, although I’d love to have them and struggle a lot because I don’t have them. Also, I’m what people call “lighter impacted”, with less obvious symptoms (especially since I mask a lot) and I feel like most representation is on the “stronger part” of the spectrum (I’m very sorry if I use the wrong terms or offend anyone with it, I’m still trying to figure everything out) So, I’m wondering whether there are any series or movies that you can recommend me where you found a character relatable, they don’t necessarily have to officially have autism but should be what people call “autistic-coded”. Thank you in advance!

Hey ya'll, I just want to vent about that I don't have the guts to tell men how I feel about them and how much I loved them. It's sad that I distance myself from them without even knowing them first as an autistic. I need advice on how to flirt, do small talk and ask a man out without fear of rejection. I'm so lonely.

A colleague at work ledt today and I'm seriously sad over it. Ive only been at this place about a year and a half and we really only started to speak over the last 7 months really and even then it wasn't on many days. But she left today and I feel super sad over it.

She was one of few nice people she didn't judge me or anyone she was very open minded and kind hearted and it's just weird that we won't see each other on Tuesday like normal.

But I know she probably wasn't that bothered like me. I def build things up to be more than they are. And it's weird a very weird feeling because I'm pretty devastated over it cried yesterday cried saying bye she did give me her snap but idk I feel like this is something I do in many different situations.

I fear that it's basically with anyone who gives me time of day🙃 which is pathetic.

Hi,

I have moved out of my parents house about 2 years ago. Before that I had an autistic burnout from constant masking... I am friendly with loads of people from university, from work, from church, etc. Before I started unmasking I had several close friends and also regularly hung out with them (at least once every 2 weeks) and as far as I remember I also enjoyed that. Now though? I really don't want to. I feel like I could with some effort become better or even close friends with any of the people that I am friendly with. And society seems to tell me that I am supposed to want that. That I should want a good friend that I can tell everything to. But I don't. I know there is some past hurt from many of the close friends I had backstabbing/mobbing me while I was high-masking. But I constantly get back to the question what would it help me? What would I get out of any of it? From my side it would cost an enormous amout of effort and energy to organize meetups, make time for them, etc. I know this sounds mean and I am not supposed to see it as a transaction, I don't think. But I do. Also I don't really want a romantic relationship either but I think thats more cause I am aroace...

So, what are your reasons to put effort in a friendship? And where do you make your friends? Are you specifically looking for ND people?

I'm way to old to be just figuring this out now, but.... for NTs, if they don't agree with you do they just stay quiet? I've always taken silence to be agreement because it means they don't have anything to add. And because it is not physically possible for me do disagree in silence lol.

So I went to Disney last year for the first time. My fiancé grew up going multiple times a year and we have plans to go again in little less than two months time. His entire family has season passes and I know I’m incredibly lucky to be included. Here is the problem: during the fireworks show this past year I almost had a meltdown. I ended up rooting around my purse, filling my ears with saliva wet tissues and pressing my hands over my ears. It was… an issue I suppose. I’m looking for something small enough to not make me look ridiculous within his family who are unaware of my diagnosis but also to keep me from having a freaking panic attack slash meltdown while watching Mickey Mouse dance.

I live with my elderly parents and am getting no time to unmask anymore. They haven't left the house for even a minute all weekend and I'm out of my mind. I CAN'T unmask while they're around. I'm stuck in their world every damn day, taking care of their house and their dog while they stare on, or I'm back in my bedroom with earbuds in, trying to block their noise to pretend I'm in any sort of space that's just for me. Any time they leave for an extended period of time, it's like the only time I can just BREATHE and freely exist. Not their live-in maid, not their entertainment. Just me, being my natural self. No hiding behind closed doors. It's so rare these days. Most of the time they ever leave the house is while I'm at work or running my own errands.

My life is slipping away every day it's like this. A couple months ago I didn't go to a small get-together with friends and missed the opportunity to see one in the last few hours she was alive before being in a fatal car accident - all because my mom insisted I go with her on an errand that morning. That incident really hammered in how life is passing by and I'm losing time and chances I will NEVER get back.

I’m only in highschool, but I’m almost a senior and I’m the only one who hasn’t had any romantic experiences. Doesn’t help that I’m a lesbian, and the lesbians in my school…long story short they don’t like me because they don’t understand my “weird personality”. I have nobody at my school to potentially date. NOBODY. I’m still technically a minor so no dating apps for me. I won’t have a date for senior prom most likely, and that breaks my heart. No cute teenage love that I watch all my peers experience. Even friendships are so hard because I have a very specific personality and very specific way of interacting with people that most others find off putting. I know I’m difficult and different. I just want the special high school experience. I’m so lonely I could cry.

I'm going into the first session of my autism assessment next week and have been searching through old pictures, school work, journal entries etc. to provide some objective evidence in my early developmental period and beyond. The problem is, there's just so little material that stands out as being definitive, without-a-doubt "proof" of my autism that isn't anecdotal. This worries me the most with my social communication "deficits" because the diagnostic criteria requires you check the most boxes for that. I didn't have any apparent developmental delays, although I was quite a gifted, avid reader/writer early on. I was always described as very sensitive, very quiet, and very shy towards anyone but my immediate family. However, my parents still "missed" me for various reasons, not the least being that I was a good student, kind, funny, likable, a little quirky, and got by despite some age normative struggles with social anxiety. On the outside, there really was no obvious reason to suspect I was struggling as much as I was. Even after I became suicidal at 15 and was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and ADHD at 17, the few people who found out were surprised. Many have seemingly forgotten the seriousness of my mental health conditions since then because I've presented as so "functional."

I'm not gonna keep going with this list because there's so much. My point ultimately is that I'm going through all this childhood stuff and while I'm personally seeing all these clues and nuances that are so indicative to me of my autism, I still have to measure what their validity would be from the point of view of an assessor. I'd appreciate hearing what other high-maskers (or otherwise -- all input is welcome) have had on hand in an official assessment that might have been used in supporting their "case"? A couple of random examples from me that I'm considering:

- Frowning or looking inexplicably angry in photos, "curling" in on myself in group photos or holding my hands near my face or chest, or otherwise placing my hands in odd positions. These types of photos start from when I was a baby and gradually get rarer and rarer.

- School work that is explicitly morbid; I wrote a story in the 1st grade about people getting trapped in a haunted house and disappearing one by one. The story abruptly ends with the last person (a girl) committing suicide. I was not suicidal myself at that age, I just thought about death a lot.

- From a fill-in-the-blank "I am" poem in the 3rd grade: Following the prompt "I pretend..." I wrote in, "to be happy when I'm sad."

- Journal entries from adolescence describing feeling constantly "left out," and excluded from my friends (especially girls).

Edit: I’m actually not sure why I included being morbid and thinking about death a lot as a symptom of autism in my early school years. If anyone relates to like, thinking about really abstract big concepts when they were younger though, I’d still love to hear about it!

I am running into a similar dynamic with potential romantic interests, they ask an endless stream of questions. The questions seem thoughtless and put a constant demand/pressure on me or an expectation that I respond. This feels worse than a job interview for me!

Where is the line? How much do we educate people on our Autism or other things like a PDA or RSD profile?

As a little kid I had exactly 2 friends— “Jon” and “Amy”. I was an extremely reserved kid. Jon was also extremely withdrawn, and spoke in a way that was sort of stereotypical for autistic boys. Amy was the complete opposite— she loved talking to people, was always energetic and excited, sociable and talkative to the point of being called “annoying”, and genuinely the nicest person I’ve ever known. Me and Jon got on well because neither of us expected the other to talk much. We could sort of just exist together. And we both got along with Amy because she didn’t expect anything from us. Like, she was super talkative but didn’t care that we weren’t.

I knew Jon was autistic, but found out recently that Amy is too— apparently she was diagnosed as a toddler, but her parents swear she “grew out of it”. I had no idea I was autistic back then, and Amy probably didn’t either. It’s kind of funny to realize the whole squad had autism. Even without knowing what it was, we understood that we had something in common. It’s kind of a nice thought that we’re just naturally adept at finding each other. :)