I have yet to find another person who accepts their Level 1 diagnosis (those I meet in person I mean.) They all swear they’re actually a Level 2, even if they have their own place, can drive, have a kid, and have a job they got all on their own. Heck, I really shouldn’t live alone because I lack street smarts and I’m still a Level 1.

Level 1’s still need support. We often need more support than is available yet. We’re going to struggle day in and day out. That does not mean we’re secretly a Level 2.

We’re still autistic. Being “only” Level 1 does not undermine your struggles.

I know it can be difficult to understand levels. I figure for some people it can feel like if you’re a Level 1, they think it means they’re not even that autistic.

Also, if you’re autistic level 1 and adhd, or level 1 and another condition, it might be more of a struggle than if you were only autistic level 1 and nothing else

NO IM NOT INNOCENT, IM AN ADULT, YOU ARE JUST INFANTILIZING ME BECAUSE OF MY AUTISM BUT IM NOT GONNA TELL YOU I HAVE AUTISM

Can anyone relate to this? I’m honestly a bit jealous when I read about autistic people who turned their special interest into a career and can now work remotely and choose their own working hours.

I can do a whole workout on a bad-anxiety day and feel super anxious the entire time. I can go for an hour long walk and feel super anxious the entire time.

I do exercise for the other health benefits but I have to find other techniques for relieving the bad feelings in my body, ie stimming or therapy techniques

This is a rant.

I have CPTSD due to being emotionally neglected by my parents, and it has gotten much worse after my ex-husband with ADHD emotionally cheated on and abandoned me. I would never cheat or abandon my commitment to someone, so I still can't come to grips with being treated like that even though we divorced two years ago. I still cry about it and don't understand it.

I have been doing online dating, and everyone lies by using pictures from 10 years ago. I waste all day getting ready and feeling nervous, all for nothing. I would never ever lie. It seems so obvious to me that it's important to be honest and use recent pictures that I get surprised every time when someone lies. I will request Zoom calls every time from now on, but the point is that I am so upset about people's unethical behavior.

The world is being destroyed by selfish billionaires, and in my personal life people I try to be close to just abandon and lie to me. I hate people and I am upset that people have no sense of morality. I used to believe that people had inherent goodness, but I don't believe it anymore. I don't trust anyone.

I (45f) tend to side towards the introvert side of things and just find that more and more spaces tend to be noisy. There doesn’t seem to be any quiet spaces that are out there. I remember back in the day when I was in my 20’s that things weren’t as loud. Why can’t there be be a space where someone isn’t on FaceTime or a call on speaker without a person wearing earbuds (I really don’t want to hear another’s phone conversation; quite frankly, it should be only the two people involved in that phone conversation, not everyone else listening in on that conversation and no you don’t need to bloody shout when on the phone!!).

I came to my aunt's house just to visit and all of a sudden her daughter and her boyfriend showed up and they keep baby talking the baby with a very high pitched tone so I came to my aunt's room to hang out with her cats and recharge fr

It's too much noise with the baby and it just makes me tired and uncomfortable since her daughter being here wasn't something I was aware.

But I feel like a Grinch.

This article is a long read (3000+ words), but a great discussion of where the understanding that we now have of the "spotlight" on male autism and the "camouflaging" of female autism can take us. It says that new research is revolutionizing our understanding of autism. Some excerpts below:

There is now a move to identify camouflaging behaviour, to spot a possible disconnect between someone’s outward appearance of coping and their inner signs of struggle – or even, in a break with traditional autism assessments, of actually asking the people concerned if and how they struggled with social situations. Did they consciously try to maintain eye contact for a certain amount of time? Did they make a note of social gestures and other non-verbal cues and then practise them in front of a mirror? Camouflaging, by definition, is hard to spot, but at least now practitioners and researchers who might help are looking.

The new insights have triggered a reset in autism neuroscience research. In the early part of this century, there was an understandable focus on investigating atypical activity in the so-called social brain. This is a network of brain structures underpinning those skills needed to connect with other people, such as understanding what they might be thinking, getting pleasure from successful social interchanges or finding ways to avoid situations that might lead to social rejection. The early conclusions from such research, when applied to autism, was that it was associated with atypically low levels of activity in the social brain showing, for example, reduced coding of social cues, or an underactive social reward system, with limited signs of affective responsivity to social experiences, negative or positive. This fitted neatly with the accepted view of autistic individuals as asocial loners. But, as we know, these conclusions were based on an era of ‘men-only’ studies. What happened when you started testing women too? Evidence of an over-active social brain emerged, indicating high levels of anxious self-monitoring in social situations and powerful affective responses to social rejection. A very different picture.

This raises the idea that autistic women have been missed not because they generally show milder versions of the fundamental signs of autism, as found in males, or because they are better at hiding such signs, but because their autism presents in a different way. Far from avoiding social interaction, it appears they are powerfully driven to seek it. However, in common with the traditional view of autism, they appear to lack the necessary skill-set to successfully achieve such interaction. They have the motivation, but not the means...

The arrival of Spring brings cheaper in-season fruit prices. I find it to be the best time for snack trays.

There’s no scientific evidence to support this claim. It’s infantilizing and ableist. I’m not claiming that there’s any truth to the statement above.

Backstory of this post: I’m in dialogue with a job consultant lady, who specializes in people with diagnoses, especially autism. She’s super nice and lovely. She has an adult son who’s autistic too, so she knows more about autism than an ordinary consultant would’ve.

She told me a bit about her son and how he struggled with his education, because he was “younger” (mentally) than his peers.
He wasn’t stupid by any means, he was just “younger”. When all the 18 year old peers were out drinking and partying, he was, allegedly, mentally 14 and didn’t have any interest in socializing in that way with them.

She told me that people with autism were roughly 2/3 their actual age. Which is obviously wrong as all hell. I’m 21, not 14. And I won’t be 40 in my 60s. I’m more mature than a 14 year old. I have been since I was like 9.

I still live at home. My mom makes me food, washes my clothes, everything. She’s a saint. I could never have the energy to do those things. I can easily go weeks without a meal because cooking is entirely too much for me. Everything is overwhelming, and I struggle to see myself move out independently, maintain a liveable environment, eat, make phone calls and talk with all the different professionals a person would need throughout their life. I’m considered level 1, but that’s only because my mom is doing so much for me.

Here’s my issue: I really resonated with the “autistic people are mentally younger”, because I know I can’t compare myself to my peers, because we just aren’t the same. Just because my peers are going to university, doesn’t mean I have to too. I have my own pace. I can’t hold myself to their standards.
So the idea that I was 14 - rather than a 21 year old who should be moving out, having an adult relationship, pursuing higher education, or have a full time job - was really comforting. No 14 year old is moving out, so why should I, right?

Is this some internalized ableism? Delusions? Normal? Am I purposely (subconsciously) infantilizing myself?

Please be honest but also kind. Constructive feedback is appreciated.

The main thing that bothers me about my autism is that I cannot make myself go anywhere other than work and home. I want to get out and see the world and explore, but I get such intense anxiety about it. I'm not even sure why. I suspect it's a combination of unfamiliarity and uncontrollable sensory input when it comes to exploring new environments. Every weekend without fail, I think "hmm, maybe I should get out and do something," and whenever I do force myself to, I end up hating it. I get this tension in my chest and this weird dissociative feeling (which I guess is because I'm masking), and I lose touch with how I feel because all I can think about is how I'm coming across to others. The second I get home, that's when I realize I was actively having a terrible time.

I went to the bar this weekend because I felt like I should do something social, and I couldn't make myself speak to anyone. I had one drink and tried to read but couldn't focus because of how much I was masking and how much sensory input there was.

I literally can't even make myself go to the grocery store because I'll forget everything I need due to the anxiety. Even if I make a list, the anxiety will reach a point where I decide certain items aren't "worth it" and bail prematurely. I have my groceries delivered.

I tried to get a prescription for benzodiazepines because this facet of my autism is controlling my entire life, but no psychiatrist would prescribe them to me because all of them thought I was misdiagnosed or drug-seeking.

The only time I'm comfortable going out and doing stuff is when I'm with my boyfriend, because then I can focus on him rather than my environment. I can just follow him around and let him handle the mental load of navigating and deciding what we do (which I'm perfectly happy with). But that's the only exposure I get to the outside world other than at work, and I'm an accountant, so even then, my exposure is incredibly limited.

I really want to feel comfortable out in public, but exposure therapy is not working.

Is this common? Does anyone have any advice?

Anyone else sick of it. I know I'm an honest person, sometimes too honest. And I'm not even sure I'm even capable of intentionally manipulating anyone.

But my whole life I've been questioned about things by neurotypicals, even the most random trivial things. The questioned more when my honest explanation evidently wasn't good enough.

Example from today: TV remote decided to randomly stop working which I noticed when I went to turn off the TV and it wouldn't turn off. Mentioned it to my housemate/live in landlord. Next day accused me of damaging it, albeit accidentally even though I'd already told her it just stopped and nothing had happened to it. Reiterated that no, I didn't do anything to it but I still didn't feel at all believed.

Also I have ADHD and the emotional dysregulation to go along with it, although I've been working really hard lately to work on that. I've been accused by several people over the years, since childhood of 'getting overly emotional on purpose to avoid accountability'. Or 'crying to manipulate a situation'.

Ughhhhh. It's exhausting not being able to prove I'm a genuine and honest person. Because I am.

As a little kid I had exactly 2 friends— “Jon” and “Amy”. I was an extremely reserved kid. Jon was also extremely withdrawn, and spoke in a way that was sort of stereotypical for autistic boys. Amy was the complete opposite— she loved talking to people, was always energetic and excited, sociable and talkative to the point of being called “annoying”, and genuinely the nicest person I’ve ever known. Me and Jon got on well because neither of us expected the other to talk much. We could sort of just exist together. And we both got along with Amy because she didn’t expect anything from us. Like, she was super talkative but didn’t care that we weren’t.

I knew Jon was autistic, but found out recently that Amy is too— apparently she was diagnosed as a toddler, but her parents swear she “grew out of it”. I had no idea I was autistic back then, and Amy probably didn’t either. It’s kind of funny to realize the whole squad had autism. Even without knowing what it was, we understood that we had something in common. It’s kind of a nice thought that we’re just naturally adept at finding each other. :)

I’ve been on lexapro for 2 weeks and i’m loving it so far, Just want to hear how other peoples experiences are with it. It feels so strange that my mind finally went quiet and my fear of being perceived has improved so much i feel so free lately for the first time in my life 😭😭 (only taking half a tablet btw)

A lot of time when telling about your problems, people just jump to the most "basic" solution without even considering your situation. For example, you say you have trouble finding friends despite looking all the time and they will say "people won't come out of nowhere, you need to put yourself out there!" even though I literally said I do look everywhere. Same with finding jobs. You can mention the fact that you sit all day answering job announcements and people will still tell you "you need to look for the job yourself, it won't just come to you"

I constantly see comments like ‘well I have autism/know someone with autism and they don’t act this way’

Okay great - you know one person with autism! Why do you think that gives you the right to disregard other people’s lived experience? It’s called a spectrum for a reason.

I also find that people tend to comment this when someone isn’t high masking or isn’t acting in the ‘socially acceptable way.’

E.g an autistic person is having a meltdown and someone will comment ‘my child struggles with overstimulation but they actually know how to self regulate.’ Okay but why do you feel so superior because of that?

It comes down to the expectation that all autistic people should be able to appear neurotypical at all times. If they don’t, it’s seen as some kind of moral failing or that they’re not trying hard enough. It’s called a disability for a reason.

It just reeks of ableism. I know I should probably ignore these comments, as I can’t control someone else’s ignorance. But I am so sick of these know it alls thinking they have some deep understanding of autism and can speak for all autistic people. When they actually have an incredibly narrow-minded, harmful view of autism that lacks any nuance or compassion.

Whoever you are, you are as worthy of experiencing nature’s beauty as anyone, and in ways that work for you.

I have had a complicated relationship with nature, which I am turning into a beautiful one.

Being autistic, I prefer a predictable, cozy indoor environment with technology to focus me. I often have felt as if I ought to be outside more, but travel and elements of nature can be overstimulating. Being around birds and other wild animals can be hard, too. I empathize with them and, although I do not really know what they are going through, I know that they live nuanced lives like I do and they often suffer. Their sounds and movements can feel like a lot of confusing, mysterious energy to be around.

As for being transgender, I grew up feeling like I must be "unnatural." But over time, I developed my rebuttal to that. My brain is as much a part of nature as my body is. It's not about denying either one, but finding a harmony.

Disabled people are just as worthy and real as the most wilderness-fit among us. Humans as a species are designed to redesign. "Mother Nature" does not "love" everyone equally in terms of equipping us with what we need. We all need human-made accommodations. I remind myself of these things because I sometimes fall into feeling as if I my chronic illness and on-and-off mobility challenges mean I don't belong on Earth, but I do belong here.

And I celebrate the little things, like stepping outside for just 5 minutes to touch a plant and smile at the sun.

Recently, I reflected on how inequality could cause many different types of humans to feel disconnected from nature, and perhaps to seek some self-love around this theme:

• Who belongs on a natural beach with their bare skin loving the sunlight? Any body who wants that!
• You don't have to be a young, able-bodied hiker in a stock photo to savor connecting with nature.
• With wealth, it's easier to experience nature as a restorative space you can buy. That may not be the case if you are surviving outside or living around pollution.
• Nature time can be promoted for its mental health benefits, but everyone is different and backpacking can be stressful for many of us.
• I really want to learn from how BIPOC and diverse marginalized individuals reclaim their relationships with nature.

What is your relationship with nature like? Any self-love that you like to give yourself around this topic? I would love to learn from your experience.

After nearly 15 years, I've come to a profound realization: as a neurodivergent woman, I thrive in friendships with fellow autistic individuals. My past experiences with neurotypical women often left me feeling like an outsider, unable to truly be myself. These friendships would inevitably fizzle out, leaving me feeling drained and disconnected.

However, I've been fortunate to find solace in friendships with fellow neurodivergent women. My closest friend, who is also autistic, and I instantly connected. Our first encounter sparked a deep sense of understanding, and we've navigated life's ups and downs together for seven years. Last year, I met another like-minded woman, and our connection was effortless. When I'm with these friends, I feel rejuvenated and accepted.

In contrast, my attempts to connect with neurotypical women have left me feeling like I'm fighting an uphill battle. A recent experience at the pool reinforced this feeling, as I struggled to connect with some women and felt judged.

But what's even more challenging is finding these like-minded individuals in the first place. In my community, there's still a stigma surrounding mental health and neurodivergence. Many people view mental disorders as a myth, and others have successfully masked their struggles to fit societal norms. This makes it even harder for me to find people who truly understand me.

To make matters worse, I'm constantly judged for not having a large circle of female friends. I'm often met with skepticism and concern, with people whispering, "If she has no female friends, she's the problem". It's exhausting and invalidating, especially when I'm just trying to find people who accept me for who I am.

I've reached a point where I'm choosing to focus on nurturing friendships with people who understand and accept me for who I am. I'm no longer investing time and energy into trying to fit in with neurotypical people. Instead, I'm prioritizing connections with like-minded individuals who share my experiences and perspectives, even if it's a harder road to take."

I’m in college and EVERY single time I go over to my friends place, I’m never ever to actually hang out with her because her roommates come into her room and tell her a story about their own personal lives, making it impossible for me to speak for hours. Right now I am currently at her place, her roommate came in and is on the phone with another one of their friends so them three are chatting while I’m just sitting. And this happens every single time. Like I’m actually pissed the fuck off bc why would you invite me over just to hear you talk on the phone while I’m sitting by myself.

I want to open up with the people in my life about my ASD diagnosis via Facebook, because it's a medium of communication where I feel comfortable doing do, and I could cover telling everyone nearly everyone all at once. But I don't want to offend someone who has a completely nonverbal son who can't do much of anything else for themselves, or my friend whose autistic brother used to smear their own feces around the house.

Does anyone have any helpful thoughts for me regarding anything I've shared here?

I'm hoping for more specific help beyond the phrase, "If you've met one person with autism, you've met one person with autism."

I keep getting scared and thinking "what if its something else?" I'm highly likely wrong but it almost doesn't feel right but at the same time it does? I don't know why this scares me but it just does.

I keep thinking "what if its bipolar/BPD?" "What if its adhd/add?" "What if its nothing?" and I hate it.

I feel like I don't fit in anywhere, not with the "normal" people, not with people with autism or on other levels of autism, not with people with adhd/add, not with anyone. There's just some things I can relate to but I feel like I don't fit in.

I just want to feel like I have somewhere I belong, somewhere I fit in and stuff. I want to find "my people" if that makes sense?

What if it's just anxiety? What if I don't even have anxiety? What if its depression? What if I don't have depression? I mean I doubt I do, I'm probably just lazy.

I hate it, I hate it so much

Hi all. This evening I was relaxing by myself scrolling online in a dark room, and I suddenly heard an unidentified noise which I now believe was probably my new phone's low battery sound, which I hadn't heard before. The sound itself was like part of a descending minor scale, so it had a very definite 'bad alert' sound to it. My body immediately froze in panic and I couldnt move for like a good 15 seconds, all I could do was shout for help. Once I did get help I was shaking and on the verge of tears, all from a noise I didn't recognise when i was in an unprepared state.

This experience got me thinking about sounds as a trigger. I know loud noises are upsetting for a lot of autistic people (including myself), but I think this is slightly different. It's always been one of my 'weird things', since i was little. My parents had to put some of my Leapfrog toys deep in cupboards where I wouldn't be afraid of them because they would go 'my batteries are low!' or something along those lines, and that would send me into pretty severe distress. But even now, any unidentified sounds, especially ones that signify that something bad is happening, often send me into a state of panic. Low battery sounds, any kind of alarm, those emergency alert systems on phones, etc. They don't have to be loud or annoying, they just need to be something my brain identifies as 'bad sound' to send me into fight or flight. I basically have to have all my devices on silent, which means I often miss calls and texts from friends, and I can't sleep with anything that could make a noise in my room at night, even if I know rationally it's not going to :(

Has anyone else got experience dealing 'irrational' panic triggers that don't seem to come from anywhere? It can be hard to explain to others who don't understand why you find it distressing, because they don't. I think it's easy to internalise the mindset of 'it's just a sound, why do I have to be like this, no one else finds it upsetting, why do i have to be so sensitive and irrational', and being embarrassed by it. I wondered all of you lovely people's thoughts on this 🫶

not sure how to tag this so sorry if it's wrong!

basically the title. i was clocking out for my break and an elder co-worker (that i've never spoken to) was eating. as i'm clocking out, he says the typical pleasantries and as i start to leave he says, "y'know, i've seen you around a few times and you always look frustrated"

i had no clue how to respond so i said "really?" and laughed (a nervous tick of mine). he asks, "do you think a lot?" and i just agree and leave

and now i'm trying not to spiral in my car!! i work as a cashier so it's very customer facing. i thought my face was fine but i guess it's more rbf than i thought 😅

i'm no stranger to zoning out but frustrated? idk I'm trying not to take it personally but i've been putting more effort into interacting with my co-workers to some degree of success; but theres always that "gap" or missed step i can feel

anyway, i wanted to ask if anyone else has gone though something similar? i already feel like people get the wrong idea of me and this didn't help aha