The title says it all. I (25M, autistic) have been corresponding with this guy (late 20s-early 30sM, neurodivergent but I don't know his specific diagnosis) on Telegram. We met at a party two years back. We've been talking on and off and our correspondence came to a head recently. Is it just me or is this person super frustrating?

I don't know and I kinda don't care. But I wanna post the screencaps of our convo here for posterity because I just deleted the conversation on the app. I wanna move on from this person and I just need to capital-v VENT!

But also while I'm at it, have other autistic or neurodivergent adults had odd or frustrating interactions like this with others on the spectrum? I wanna know because I'm just so frustrated.

Being an autistic person and referring to yourself as hot-tistic (or is it spelled hotistic) doesn't seem like it should be an issue right? Cause who said that we can't be/feel hot!!! Not to mention, the infantilization and desexualization of autistic people, while certainly not the exact same subject, are pretty long discussions with plenty of overlap

The reason I'm asking this mainly has to do with my tendency to overthink about how I come across to others (which yes is very much a response to social trauma from being autistic) 😭

P.S. I guess maybe referring to it as Hot-ism Acceptance Month could be a thing then? 😅

Hi! I am a proud type B :) I can be type A in some ways (ex: I can get annoyed if things aren’t done or organized a certain way, I’m passionate about certain things, I’m prone to stress, etc) but I’m more type B overall (I work at a slower pace, not super competitive, laid-back, flexible, sensitive, creative)

Over the years in my personal and professional life, I’ve noticed that I naturally gravitate towards and vibe with other people who are type B and sometimes I straight up don’t get along with type A. My question is, what personality type do you all tend to identify with? Maybe you’re neither and you’re more type C or D? I’m curious! :)

Cognitive issues associated with level 1 autism

Cognitive issues associated with level 1 Autism

Cognitive issues associated with high functioning level 1 autism

I was diagnosed with level 1 autism 7 months ago almost 32 years old and I definitely have issues with processing speed transitions attention switching and a couple other things if anyone has any similar issues or experiences

Hi, 31M, self diagnosed AuDHD here- a month into unmasking.

Would be immensely grateful if anyone can help me tackle this issue. It's taking life out of me at this point.

TLDR- Solution for binge eating. An autism friendly resource, book, advice etc Anything that can help.

I have been struggling with Binge Eating my whole life being obese when I started to lose weight by starving and that's when anorexia started setting in with guilt around food and eating, overexercising, binging -exercising cycles to the point that i missed many important milestones in my life including possible valuable time with family and even stayed in a dysfunctional relationship/friendships because of the same. All because of self image/eating based issues growing up.

I also have CPTSD and have been working on it for around 5 years now, but i haven't been able to figure out the solution for my eating patterns. I have done most things on the list- - Keto - Calories counting (what im currently doing) - Variety of food groups in a meal - Eliminating dairy + Gluten - Eating Plenty of Fibre - Yogic diet, Ayurvedic Diet - Fasting ( recently fasted for 11 days - no food ) - Checked for diabetes (have a family history)

Consulted over 5 dieticians and nutritionists, exhausted trying all food types and styles, timings.

My current diet is eating Variety of food groups. But i am not satisfied because i keep counting calories and organising food groups in my head, exhausts my brain energy.

This is what i eat - flatbread made of sorghum/finger millet, yogurt 100ml, plate of salad - 🥒 🥕, 5-7 almonds 1 walnut, a fruit/ a cup of cooked lentils or beans.

I am in India, so finding help (FOR ANYTHING ) is difficult here, because the culture is largely unaware of Adult Autism , let alone Cptsd.

I am hungry even when I 'eat enough ' and Yes when i have things to do, im engrossed in, it becomes easier to focus elsewhere. But I get exhausted doing it and am back into 'thinking about food'. It is impractical to Distract yourself to distract yourself from food, it doesn't sit well with me. I cannot keep 'running away' from the kitchen or to practice a hobby JUST BECAUSE my brain can think about food.

Moreover, the common solutions like 'switch to nuts, seeds, fruits' has already been done and It doesn't help because you CAN have excess/ nuts are HIGH in calories. It's like i walk on eggshells and eat with hyper vigilance self assuring each bite that i am safe.

For example, Today for lunch i was so pulled to eating almonds that i crunched around 80 of them today. My usual is around 15 because I calorie count which makes me very unhappy but I DREAD, ABSOLUTELY DREAD, being overweight again, the whole childhood experience was very paralysing and agonizing. Plus the feeling of being heavy and 'not light ' is downright depressing.

I am working on healing Cptsd associated with body dysmorphia but I don't want my brain to constantly want food.

Exercise levels are Zero at the moment because of Burnout - thus leading to more dread around eating and satiety, more calories calculation and so on.

I have very restricted circumstances wrt money, guidance, awareness and support in my environment and am constantly in my head putting pieces of my life together the whole day, watching videos, or reading articles for now.

I need help in anyway i can. Would be grateful if you can share resources, advice, what worked for you etc.

Thank you for reading this far. 🙏🏼

Hi!
I would like to ask for help! I am doing a group presentation on the language acquisition of people on the autism spectrum. My task is to support the data my mates collect on the topic with examples from the media (movies, TV shows, etc).

Could you recommend TV shows, characters, scenes, or anything that is considered an accurate representation of the lives of people with autism, and the way they communicate and connect with others? I am also looking for bad, disrespectful portrayals too!

Thank you in advance! Have a nice weekend!

Lots of similarities between vampires and autistic people

Hello, I am autistic and in my thirties. It is painfully obvious by now that if I do not look for a girlfriend a relationship is never going to happen for me.

This is mostly a question for other autistic people, and I really am looking for some practical advice here. I have a hard time dealing with people both in real life and online after awhile. I get burnt out very quickly with both.

I am very fortunate in life that I am able to lead a very quiet and private life. Needless to say this lifestyle does not help with dating. I thought I would be alright if I confined my search for dates to the internet and to dating apps but even online, I am realizing how quickly I can get frustrated and burnt out reading and chatting online.

Maybe someday I will have to try more in person things to trying to get dates. But that scares me even more because in person I am often a wreck and have had panic attacks talking with new people.

So, like I said I really am looking for practical advice with how to keep up the mental strength of looking for dates when you get burnt out with people so very quickly.

Thank you.

I always hear about people “loving deeply” and having a lot of love to give and it eludes me. I’m quite self conscious about it. I’ve loved a few people in my life before and, aside from my first one or two relationships when I was a teenager, I just don’t do the whole head-over-heels earth-shattering love thing everyone seems to talk about. I’m not diagnosed but there is certainly autism in my family.

I want to get into a new relationship soon and I’m worried the guy will not get enough love from me, whatever that even means. I don’t tend to do positive emotions with much intensity in general. I’m just kind of content, wavering around the middle and occasionally dipping low. I’d say I’m pretty content and I do grow fond and connect with people but that’s kind of it. I have some relationship trauma though.

Is this an autism thing or an attachment issue or just the way I am?

As an adult, I am exploring some potential links from my past to the present, from childhood to the present. I have done some reading and self-exploration, as well as some professional counselor exploration, and reviewed with an extremely close friend. I am in no way attempting to self-diagnose; however, what I will say from what I have read, heard, and researched the pieces are fitting. This has been going on since the lockdowns from COVID-19 were lifted. So I have spent quite a bit of time on this.

I have many questions, but will just keep it down to 3.

1: If you are on the Autism Spectrum and diagnosed late, was receiving that diagnosis helpful in any way?

2: What did it feel like to you once you received confirmation?

3: If you are working, did you or are you considering informing your employer? If you did inform your
Employer, what was that like, and was there a change, no matter how small, that improved your job?

I'm (31M as of today) a 5th year PhD student in Experimental Psychology. I'm posting with a fairly unique question since I feel like I can some insight on this sub. In addition to my level 1 ASD, I also have ADHD-I, dysgraphia, and 3rd percentile processing speed (this is all relevant trust me). When I speak, I'm often super deliberate and speak slowly to the point others will notice that I talk slow. This is because I'm super deliberate when I speak almost all of the time. I only talk fast when I'm anxious. I also have an extremely monotone voice that goes flat when I present. In addition, I have the unique neurodivergent challenge of not being able to balance the performance aspect of lecturing (e.g., modulating my voice) at the same time as I'm talking. If I put effort into acting/masking during the lecture, I lose my train of thought and eventually stop speaking altogether. Even when I was open to students about my autism, it didn't stop them from complaining about my style anyway.

I realize this question might be a bad one given that it involves me masking as I lecture, which I know is frowned upon big time in this sub. At the same time though, I understand that I'm not going to fundamentally change what audiences want any time soon either and need to find that balance. Is there some way I can modulate my voice while still maintaining my train of thought? If there isn't at all, I can accept that. I'm looking to hear from those who are autistic PhD students, those who have a PhD in hand themselves, or do public speaking in their job in some capacity.

Hello, although any and all answers are greatly appreciated, and I would love to hear the opinions and thoughts of anyone kind enough to read and share. I will admit this post is primarily a question to men with autism (although I imagine for women with autism this might apply just as much).

I am in my late thirties now and have still never been in a relationship before, not even a super short one. Not overly surprising for an autistic guy. But a tad bit frustrating, nevertheless. I have always had a hard time fitting in and connecting with people. It basically just does not happen to me.

Which is ok. I do pretty good on my own. But I would like a relationship. And I worry my inability to click with someone is forever going to keep me single. It just seems no matter who I am talking to we never really 'click' or make a connection.

What is hard for me to understand is I like and click with women all the time. It is not hard for me to click with someone I like. I even fall in love wonderfully easily. So, it is hard for me to understand what another person is looking for. I seem to find what I am looking for in another so easily and yet no one ever seems to find in me what they are looking for.

I guess this question is mostly for men with autism who after a long time finally got into a relationship. What finally made you click with someone? What did they see in you that they liked?

Like I said it is tough for me because I find so many women I like. Yet they never seem to like me in return. What does it feel like for someone to like you or click with you.

Or am I way off base here. I obviously have zero clue what women are looking for.

Thank you so very much :)

On one hand...I will always be happy to see an uptick in fellow autistic people posting about their autistic selves, whether it's being open about the ableism they have faced personally, the general ableism our community experiences, the ways in which it can present a challenge functioning in society, special interests, etc.

Being diagnosed near the end of middle school (worst years of my life) was so important to me because it finally put the pieces together as to why I've struggled the way I've struggled academically, socially, etc. my entire life. Once things got slightly better entering high school, I started to be more open about being autistic in class (when it was relevant of course), when with my peers, and on social media. This was admittedly in an effort to garner more understanding and hopefully acceptance of not just myself but other people who, whether they were autistic or not, struggled socially and/or displayed traits that are often associated with autistic people. I would also try to be more vocal about issues like anti-vaxxers, Autism Speaks, miscellaneous dumbfounded means of "curing" us, etc.

On the other hand...even as an autistic person who (mostly is able to) loves myself, this month also serves as a reminder for how much our society, whether they admit it or not, just hates autistic people. Or if not "hate," has no issue at all treating us less than - to our faces or behind our backs. Not every day so far has sucked in this way, but after graduating college a few years ago, I've stopped looking forward to Autism Acceptance Month because of how much I've come to realize that (pardon my pessimism) nothing will ever change that substantially and our society will always hate (or at least not care enough about) us.

Though there are other factors that probably don't help with the above.

• It was during my last year of college that I realized this program I attended (outside of school) for several years in middle/high school, while introducing me to some amazing friends, wasn't actually helpful for autistic/neurodivergent kids like us but rather, constantly taught us that we have to live up to neurotypical norms and that it's an 'us' issue if we're feeling mistreated. The program wasn't ABA, but it's definitely a program that ABA would agree with...
• I realized it was this program, plus the many adults (even peers) in my life who were regularly on me about my not-harmful-but-inviting-ridicule-and-judgment behavior, that taught me that I should always care about what other people think and that it's a me issue if I'm not 'succeeding socially.' The reason(s) I was an introvert with an extroverted personality who always wanted to be more socially active and 'out there' but always shied away because I thought I wasn't good or "socially acceptable" enough. These realizations occurring during my last year of college, while putting pieces together, wasn't the type of realization that suddenly fixed my problems. Even to this day it's been hard to unlearn the, dare I say, psychological trauma I've experienced all my life.
• It really also made me wonder if any of the acceptance/understanding from others of myself and other autistic people I sensed among my peers (and general society/environment) was really as genuine as I thought it was, or if the reason I felt that way was just because I had to learn how to mask in accordance with neurotypical standards.

While I do try to be online less (lol) for the sake of my mental health, any amount of time I'm online I'll see interactions occurring that show me how much people in our world still actually hate us. The biggest thing lately would have to be the way people love calling harmless mannerisms, behaviors, word choices/phrasings, hobbies, etc., "cringe." This to me makes it clear that anyone who doesn't exactly meet (neuro)typical social standards are just unlikable and horrible as hell in the eyes of neurotypical people (and maybe other autistic/ND people who haven't unpacked their internalized ableism).

Whether you're an autistic person who loves this month or hates this month, I hope you remember to prioritize you and your wellbeing as much as possible. <3

I'm 30 and I'm pretty sure I'm Autistic (although not formally diagnosed). I'm also introverted, severely depressed and very sensitive to noise. I'm also prone to migraines. I've worked customer service since I was 17 and every job I've ever had has made me miserable. Talking to people all day is exhausting and I've never been able to work more than part time. I've been unemployed for a few months now but I really need to earn a living, I just can't imagine doing another retail job or something like that where I have to pretend to be happy and peppy and social all day - or deal with customers, their children, music or noise. Please help? I'm at my wits end.

I got hired as a barista for a brand new coffee shop, I've been working in customer service for 4 years now and I love coffee so I was very very excited about it!

Before the inauguration we (me + 2 other employees + the 2 owners + 4 of their friends, so a lot of people) got together for a "training day" with a professional barista instructing us. Everyone else was talking to each other very loudly and hardly paying attention to the instructor, who I noticed was very frustrated about it so I paid extra attention to her because I know how awful that feels.

I thought I did well, I learned everything very quickly and prepared like 10 lattes while my coworkers prepared just 2 each! But two days later I was checking one of my coworker's ig stories and she was posting about a "tasting session", everyone was there trying out the menu and I was just finding out about that. I got bummed but oh well guess they just forgot about me.

All that happened a week ago. Yesterday I got a message from my "boss" saying, basically, "you're not communicative enough for a barista, we can try and give you an administrative position we think would suit you better but no promises".

How was I supposed to know I should've ignored the training part??? I've never been more excited for a job so being left out and then fired before the inauguration made me really sad :(

Also, truth is I am VERY talkative (clearly)! I love having conversations with customers and that's why I choose to work with the public. But, y'know, I didn't think I should be talking while someone was trying to teach me something I was very interesting in learning AND was essential for what my job was. It was just a reminder that the neurotypical world doesn't make sense so it will always be harder for me to navigate it.

Ooohhh my god it's so bad. Spring just started and I had to be out in sunny 73°f weather today and I was so frustrated and upset.

The sensation of sweating is one of the worst things on this planet, not to mention the feeling of being hot also being nearly just as horrendous. I can deal with sunscreen decently fine, surprisingly enough. The US doesn't have nearly enough trees to provide shade for people going about doing normal errands.

But I can't magically put full grown trees wherever I want. So what can I do to manage a little better? I've been thinking about bringing cold packs with me wherever I go, so I can put it on my wrists, neck, and back whenever I need so I can cool myself down before I start sweating too much. And bringing baby wipes with me to wipe off any sweat that I do produce.

I know all about wearing specific clothing to help stay cool. It's just rarely enough for me, I need all I can get. It's sooo bad it kills my mood because I can't relax or have fun when I feel sweaty, oily or hot.

I need literally any advice you can give me. Even your craziest solutions. THANK YOU!!!!

im trying to piece together all my "why wasnt i diagnosed in elementary school " moments, one example is how i wanted everyone to follow rules and would have a meltdown if they didnt. I saw that its common for autistic kids to be in speech therapy and started to think, is that another thing to add to my list? I was in speech therapy my entire time in elementary school(i had a hard time with the "th" sound but do not remember the rest. I still have a lisp and a hard time pronouncing words). Semi related i was also in the special spelling group where we got easier words, along with a kid who im pretty sure was also undiagnosed lmao

Basically wondering how common of an experience this is :o

Edit: wow! Im suprised to see how common of a thing this was! Very validating thank you all c:

I have a job interview on Monday for a lead position, with having previous experience in this role. I haven’t worked in 3 months or so.

Knowing things like the findings of this research worries me, as do the feelings I’ve been left with after experiencing workplace discrimination. How do you get over feelings of being wrongly judged and feeling inadequate or incompetent as a result of this judgement?

Reference:

Whelpley, C.E., May, C.P. Seeing is Disliking: Evidence of Bias Against Individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder in Traditional Job Interviews. J Autism Dev Disord 53, 1363–1374 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-022-05432-2

Hey!

It might be a long post and since I'm not diagnosed with this particular thing I kinda feel bad to ask help here as an outsider but I really don't know what the hell should I do.

I'm a 25 year old guy from Eastern Europe (for context). I was always awkwardly quiet and never had many friends. I was lucky in my childhood and teenage years, people kinda just adopted me to their group and I was always quiet and even if I said something they usually found that funny in some way, so they kept me. (Now, I don't have any friends, nothing and it's been like that for the past 4 years.)

I had a suicide attempt at age 18, I was in therapy for years. They diagnosed me with a mixed personality disorder, depression and a psychotic episode. I was on meds for years, went to doctors etc. Now I'm not in therapy anymore since I can't afford it and I'm not on any meds since the doctors always screwed me over so I just gave up on them. Last few years I've been looking into my issues on my own and I figured I'm in many way relate to people with schizoid personality disorder and to autistic people.

Lately (last few months) I became really suicidal again and I feel the loneliness. It's scary, since I feel I can't really ask for help because a) there's noone to ask and the bigger issue b) I hate talking/communicating and I basically can't do it, I'd rather suffer and kill myself than talk. I look emotionless and blunt, don't say a word all day so people probably will never come to me like "what's wrong" and I can't talk to them with words. Talking feels weird most of the time, I wish I could somehow live my life without that.

I have a BA in library and information science, I'm a school librarian at an elementary school. And in my country the boundaries are not clear, I basically do everything besides proper library work. I'm with kids all the time and honestly I love being with them even tho I'm not teacher-like in any way but as the years go they (the school, the system) more and more forces me into the teacher role and I honestly have no idea what to do and how I got here. This last 2 semester I got especially tiring and exhausting responsibilities and after work I just come home and don't, CAN'T talk to anybody or do anything because I'm so mentally drained and at the same time I'm so fucking lonely. I somehow ended up on the university again, soon getting my MA in social pedagogy. But I don't think I'm fit for this???? I see no way out now.

I literally have no idea what's my issue and what's going on, I feel scared all the time because I have no idea how anything works. I can't even write what is it that I'm feeling because this post is not what I wanted to write, but I have no idea what to write. And this feeling makes me so desperate, like I want to ask or tell something but I just can't because I can't. It's just not happening. I could ask for help but for what??? I can't do this anymore

Hej!

Jag är en medelålders man och står i en jättelång kö för utredning efter min första kartläggande träff med vården. Det är åtminstone 4 år till innan jag blir kallad (jag har väntat i 2.5 år) och jag undrar därför om det finns tips från andra svenskar om privata utredningar som inte gör mig ruinerad eller regioner man kan köa till.

Alla tips mottages, men ja, jag vill ha en utredning och jag är 85% säker att den leder till en diagnos.

Jag kommer posta samma inlägg på fler subreddits.

I’m an 18 year old autistic girl, and like all autistic people, I struggle with my diagnosis in different ways every day. Recently, I’ve been trying to understand more about what being autistic means for me, how it impacts my life, what my specific symptoms are, and how I can better support myself in my daily life. As part of this process, I’ve been asking my mom if she noticed any signs of me being different when I was younger, but she always says she didn’t notice anything unusual.

However, she has told other family members that I was “strange” and “not like everyone else” even before I was diagnosed. This contradiction led to an argument between us where she accused me of bullying her just because I wanted answers to this.

When I got diagnosed, my mom was (mildly) dismissive about it. She said things like, “I don’t notice anything,” and “Everyone gets diagnosed with ADHD or autism today.” This continued today, where she told me she’s tired of “society” pushing labels on everyone. She said things like, “Maybe everyone’s just a little autistic,” and that I shouldn’t feel bad for myself just because I got a diagnosis. She also said that if I lived in another society, I wouldn’t have been diagnosed because I wouldn’t have these issues if society wasn’t “so messed up.” To top it off, she mentioned that many people in her generation would’ve probably received a diagnosis if things were like they are now, but they didn’t.

But when I do something she doesn’t like, she’s quick to blame it on my autism. It’s hard to explain, but sometimes I get frustrated when she doesn’t give me a clear answer to something, and she’ll just say, “This is probably because of your autism.” But when it comes to situations like this: when I’m trying to explain my struggles or express how something is affecting me, she never acknowledges how autism impacts my life. It’s as if my autism only becomes relevant when I do something wrong or when it’s convenient for her, but when I need her to understand it in a more supportive way, it’s like it doesn’t even exist.

This whole situation really hurts me. She makes me feel invalidated, and I don’t know how to make her understand. I understand that people of her generation are less educated when it comes to neurodiversity, but I’ve tried to educate her for about 4 years now and she still says things like this, even tho I’ve told her that it makes me sad. She said “People didn’t get diagnosed with autism when I was a kid and now it’s happening all the time” as if the lack of diagnoses in her generation somehow disproves that autism exists, and it really upset me, not just for myself, but for all autistic people from past generations who grew up feeling lost and misunderstood, just like I did. It’s frustrating to feel like she doesn’t understand the real pain that comes with that. Right now it feels like I’ll be better off cutting her off completely.

So im making this post to ask: Is it okay to feel this way? What can I do? I guess I just need other people’s opinions/advice.

Hi. Don't usually completely dislike someone... and rn around someone i really don't like. Dont want to be fake and don't want to ignore/make this person uncomfortable. I'm around them a lot and they're an okay person kwim. Social suggestions?

I want to go out and meet people, expand my friend group and meet a romantic partner. I have terrible approach anxiety and don’t always feel confident and at times I feel super akward. How would I go about meeting people at say a bar for example? Or are there other places I should try? How do I go about building my confidence?

It’s like a dagger in the heart every time I hear people talking about “catching” autism like it’s some sort of plague. My therapist tells me I shouldn’t see it as a disability, and that it should just been seen as different, not less than, and I really want to believe that. I do believe that most of the time, and I appreciate many of my autistic traits. I like the way my brain processes things, even if it can be exhausting to feel misunderstood and misconstrued. I have plenty of ND friends that have expressed how much they love the way my brain works, and I really love them too. So anyway, it hurts every time I hear people talking about vaccines “causing” autism. It feels like the general public see’s it as a disease, and although the perception is slowly changing, I just needed to express the sadness it makes me feel every time I hear it being casually brought up in conversation.

Disclaimer: this is not intended to be a political debate about vaccines, I just needed to express how it feels when people talk about it like it’s a terrible thing, not considering who it might affect.