I got hired as a barista for a brand new coffee shop, I've been working in customer service for 4 years now and I love coffee so I was very very excited about it!

Before the inauguration we (me + 2 other employees + the 2 owners + 4 of their friends, so a lot of people) got together for a "training day" with a professional barista instructing us. Everyone else was talking to each other very loudly and hardly paying attention to the instructor, who I noticed was very frustrated about it so I paid extra attention to her because I know how awful that feels.

I thought I did well, I learned everything very quickly and prepared like 10 lattes while my coworkers prepared just 2 each! But two days later I was checking one of my coworker's ig stories and she was posting about a "tasting session", everyone was there trying out the menu and I was just finding out about that. I got bummed but oh well guess they just forgot about me.

All that happened a week ago. Yesterday I got a message from my "boss" saying, basically, "you're not communicative enough for a barista, we can try and give you an administrative position we think would suit you better but no promises".

How was I supposed to know I should've ignored the training part??? I've never been more excited for a job so being left out and then fired before the inauguration made me really sad :(

Also, truth is I am VERY talkative (clearly)! I love having conversations with customers and that's why I choose to work with the public. But, y'know, I didn't think I should be talking while someone was trying to teach me something I was very interesting in learning AND was essential for what my job was. It was just a reminder that the neurotypical world doesn't make sense so it will always be harder for me to navigate it.

As a child, I was always very reserved. I had trouble (and didn't know why) with doing certain things like answering the phone interacting with checkout people in the store etc. I didn't make friends until the last year of junior school (age 10 for those non UK people here). Was bullied for 5 years non stop in senior school (age 11 - 16) as well as being neglected at home from the age of 8. From 18 - 23 I was almost a completely different person. Was very outgoing and sociable, loved my job and thought I had a big friend circle. Then, at 23, the illnesses began. It first began with a backache and I thought "ok, I've moved a patient the wrong way or I've twisted the wrong way during manual handling". Then, the migraines began. I remember walking down the hospital ward on an evening shift and could literally feel my brain pounding in my head. Then something happened, to this day I don't know what. The Insomnia began and a change in my brain occurred. I went from loving my job and looking forward to putting my uniform on each day to being filled with...not wanting to be there. I would make any excuse I could find to go home. The insomnia had me awake for 48 hours at a time. I was filled with trepidation and didn't know why. I ended up using all of my sick time, all of my holiday time and eventually I had to resign. To this day I still don't know what happened. Nothing happened at work, there were no incidents in my personal life that occurred at this time. I don't know if this was the autism (which I didn't know i had at the time) or whether this was a response from the undiagnosed C-PTSD (it was first labelled as "just depression" and then later to "dysthymic disorder" both of which were incorrect diagnoses). Some of you here are much more... "experienced" with autism than I am so I wonder if there are any insights? It still bothers me to this day what happened because I don't understand it

I’m 23 and have been diagnosed since I was around 12. I only really regularly interact with my parents, brother and a few friends. I find social interaction to be exhausting, and often annoying. I hate “small talk,” I hate when people misinterpret my words. I used to desperately crave a partner when I was a teen, thinking that if I had a romantic partner they would totally understand every aspect of me and it would be a flawless connection, but when I go on dates I just find the conversation and even affection like kissing, cute nicknames, compliments, etc irritating. When I was younger I would have loved it but now it just irks me. I hate working with other people. I prefer to just be left alone to do my job. People always say they can’t tell I’m autistic, that I’m very high functioning, etc. I’m very good at keeping up appearances. Even though I hate socializing I’m a good enough actor that I can pretend like I don’t hate it. I know how I feel internally but I’ve gotten VERY good at hiding it with other people, especially those I don’t know well, like coworkers or strangers who just want to exchange a few perfunctory words.

I really don’t know how I’m supposed to get through life like this. I literally just want to be left ALONE. I’m comfortable with my family, pets, and my small circle of friends and it’s all I really need. Does anyone else feel this way?

I’m an 18 year old autistic girl, and like all autistic people, I struggle with my diagnosis in different ways every day. Recently, I’ve been trying to understand more about what being autistic means for me, how it impacts my life, what my specific symptoms are, and how I can better support myself in my daily life. As part of this process, I’ve been asking my mom if she noticed any signs of me being different when I was younger, but she always says she didn’t notice anything unusual.

However, she has told other family members that I was “strange” and “not like everyone else” even before I was diagnosed. This contradiction led to an argument between us where she accused me of bullying her just because I wanted answers to this.

When I got diagnosed, my mom was (mildly) dismissive about it. She said things like, “I don’t notice anything,” and “Everyone gets diagnosed with ADHD or autism today.” This continued today, where she told me she’s tired of “society” pushing labels on everyone. She said things like, “Maybe everyone’s just a little autistic,” and that I shouldn’t feel bad for myself just because I got a diagnosis. She also said that if I lived in another society, I wouldn’t have been diagnosed because I wouldn’t have these issues if society wasn’t “so messed up.” To top it off, she mentioned that many people in her generation would’ve probably received a diagnosis if things were like they are now, but they didn’t.

But when I do something she doesn’t like, she’s quick to blame it on my autism. It’s hard to explain, but sometimes I get frustrated when she doesn’t give me a clear answer to something, and she’ll just say, “This is probably because of your autism.” But when it comes to situations like this: when I’m trying to explain my struggles or express how something is affecting me, she never acknowledges how autism impacts my life. It’s as if my autism only becomes relevant when I do something wrong or when it’s convenient for her, but when I need her to understand it in a more supportive way, it’s like it doesn’t even exist.

This whole situation really hurts me. She makes me feel invalidated, and I don’t know how to make her understand. I understand that people of her generation are less educated when it comes to neurodiversity, but I’ve tried to educate her for about 4 years now and she still says things like this, even tho I’ve told her that it makes me sad. She said “People didn’t get diagnosed with autism when I was a kid and now it’s happening all the time” as if the lack of diagnoses in her generation somehow disproves that autism exists, and it really upset me, not just for myself, but for all autistic people from past generations who grew up feeling lost and misunderstood, just like I did. It’s frustrating to feel like she doesn’t understand the real pain that comes with that. Right now it feels like I’ll be better off cutting her off completely.

So im making this post to ask: Is it okay to feel this way? What can I do? I guess I just need other people’s opinions/advice.

Hi. Don't usually completely dislike someone... and rn around someone i really don't like. Dont want to be fake and don't want to ignore/make this person uncomfortable. I'm around them a lot and they're an okay person kwim. Social suggestions?

im trying to piece together all my "why wasnt i diagnosed in elementary school " moments, one example is how i wanted everyone to follow rules and would have a meltdown if they didnt. I saw that its common for autistic kids to be in speech therapy and started to think, is that another thing to add to my list? I was in speech therapy my entire time in elementary school(i had a hard time with the "th" sound but do not remember the rest. I still have a lisp and a hard time pronouncing words). Semi related i was also in the special spelling group where we got easier words, along with a kid who im pretty sure was also undiagnosed lmao

Basically wondering how common of an experience this is :o

Edit: wow! Im suprised to see how common of a thing this was! Very validating thank you all c:

I am 28.

I spent all my life in the wrong way. I fixated on school and academia, but got a useless degree. I had all the opportunities in the world. Financially I was very lucky. Yet I wasted my parents' money on a degree that I got just because I was trying to make sense of the world, and that I struggled with anyway. I did not feel able to work. I don't think I was. My brain turned a (financially) lucky life into a terrible one.

My work experience is scarce, scattered, and entry level. I struggled all my life, suffered immensely. Constantly suicidal. Most of all, I felt disconnected, an extreme sense of alienation, confusion. I kept a nomadic life to deal with it. I had a complete breakdown at 26 and unemployed since then.

I have nothing to show for my 28 years of life. Somehow, I have an amazing talent to end up being a big pile of nothing. I feel so fucking incapable that at this point even boiling eggs feels like I'll fuck it up.

I tried to learn many instruments and failed. Now I can't play anything. I read a million books and I can't remember them, or make proper connections in my mind, or apply them. I did a woodwork course and did not learn one thing from it. I did relatively many experiences but I don't remember them. It's like I am stuck in this void. When I think of myself I can't feel anything.

I have watched my friends one by one build families, careers, and just live while I was stuck falling apart on my own.

I don't know why god made me this way, I feel like shit. I was supposedly "impressively smart" as a kid but in reality I was just hyperlexic and extremely abstract and logical. Now I can't read anymore so that's gone too.

It's crazy to think about all the fun I could have had all those years, but my brain turned all the fun into suffering: into anxiety, confusion, shutdowns, embarassment, forced masking.

I have done such ungodly efforts to build a life for myself, and yet the result is: nothing. It's like building an endless sandcastle that gets washed away by waves.

I am not giving up just yet because I want to wait for some medical stuff, meds, and until I am 30 or my grandma goes.

But I feel like even if I manage to get my brain working, I will be late anyway. I feel like I was just born wrong. I don't feel human. I don't feel alive.

I try to keep it positive as much as I can but this is how I feel all the time. I feel like a kid, a nutcase, and a cosplay of a person. I can't with this brain

Ooohhh my god it's so bad. Spring just started and I had to be out in sunny 73°f weather today and I was so frustrated and upset.

The sensation of sweating is one of the worst things on this planet, not to mention the feeling of being hot also being nearly just as horrendous. I can deal with sunscreen decently fine, surprisingly enough. The US doesn't have nearly enough trees to provide shade for people going about doing normal errands.

But I can't magically put full grown trees wherever I want. So what can I do to manage a little better? I've been thinking about bringing cold packs with me wherever I go, so I can put it on my wrists, neck, and back whenever I need so I can cool myself down before I start sweating too much. And bringing baby wipes with me to wipe off any sweat that I do produce.

I know all about wearing specific clothing to help stay cool. It's just rarely enough for me, I need all I can get. It's sooo bad it kills my mood because I can't relax or have fun when I feel sweaty, oily or hot.

I need literally any advice you can give me. Even your craziest solutions. THANK YOU!!!!

I am looking for advice on how to keep my floor clean in the most efficient and less overwhelming way. I HATE vacuum cleaning because noise sends me into instant meltdown. I sweep now, but my place is kind of too large for it so it takes about an hour. And afterwards I never have the time/energy to mop. Are there any autistic friendly (and budget friendly, I dont have 500 euro's to spend on a robot to do it for me) ways to keep floors clean? I would love to hear what products you use in your house to vacuum and mop. Preferably things avaiable in the Netherlands as thats where Im based.

I want to go out and meet people, expand my friend group and meet a romantic partner. I have terrible approach anxiety and don’t always feel confident and at times I feel super akward. How would I go about meeting people at say a bar for example? Or are there other places I should try? How do I go about building my confidence?

Hey!

It might be a long post and since I'm not diagnosed with this particular thing I kinda feel bad to ask help here as an outsider but I really don't know what the hell should I do.

I'm a 25 year old guy from Eastern Europe (for context). I was always awkwardly quiet and never had many friends. I was lucky in my childhood and teenage years, people kinda just adopted me to their group and I was always quiet and even if I said something they usually found that funny in some way, so they kept me. (Now, I don't have any friends, nothing and it's been like that for the past 4 years.)

I had a suicide attempt at age 18, I was in therapy for years. They diagnosed me with a mixed personality disorder, depression and a psychotic episode. I was on meds for years, went to doctors etc. Now I'm not in therapy anymore since I can't afford it and I'm not on any meds since the doctors always screwed me over so I just gave up on them. Last few years I've been looking into my issues on my own and I figured I'm in many way relate to people with schizoid personality disorder and to autistic people.

Lately (last few months) I became really suicidal again and I feel the loneliness. It's scary, since I feel I can't really ask for help because a) there's noone to ask and the bigger issue b) I hate talking/communicating and I basically can't do it, I'd rather suffer and kill myself than talk. I look emotionless and blunt, don't say a word all day so people probably will never come to me like "what's wrong" and I can't talk to them with words. Talking feels weird most of the time, I wish I could somehow live my life without that.

I have a BA in library and information science, I'm a school librarian at an elementary school. And in my country the boundaries are not clear, I basically do everything besides proper library work. I'm with kids all the time and honestly I love being with them even tho I'm not teacher-like in any way but as the years go they (the school, the system) more and more forces me into the teacher role and I honestly have no idea what to do and how I got here. This last 2 semester I got especially tiring and exhausting responsibilities and after work I just come home and don't, CAN'T talk to anybody or do anything because I'm so mentally drained and at the same time I'm so fucking lonely. I somehow ended up on the university again, soon getting my MA in social pedagogy. But I don't think I'm fit for this???? I see no way out now.

I literally have no idea what's my issue and what's going on, I feel scared all the time because I have no idea how anything works. I can't even write what is it that I'm feeling because this post is not what I wanted to write, but I have no idea what to write. And this feeling makes me so desperate, like I want to ask or tell something but I just can't because I can't. It's just not happening. I could ask for help but for what??? I can't do this anymore

It’s like a dagger in the heart every time I hear people talking about “catching” autism like it’s some sort of plague. My therapist tells me I shouldn’t see it as a disability, and that it should just been seen as different, not less than, and I really want to believe that. I do believe that most of the time, and I appreciate many of my autistic traits. I like the way my brain processes things, even if it can be exhausting to feel misunderstood and misconstrued. I have plenty of ND friends that have expressed how much they love the way my brain works, and I really love them too. So anyway, it hurts every time I hear people talking about vaccines “causing” autism. It feels like the general public see’s it as a disease, and although the perception is slowly changing, I just needed to express the sadness it makes me feel every time I hear it being casually brought up in conversation.

Disclaimer: this is not intended to be a political debate about vaccines, I just needed to express how it feels when people talk about it like it’s a terrible thing, not considering who it might affect.

Hej!

Jag är en medelålders man och står i en jättelång kö för utredning efter min första kartläggande träff med vården. Det är åtminstone 4 år till innan jag blir kallad (jag har väntat i 2.5 år) och jag undrar därför om det finns tips från andra svenskar om privata utredningar som inte gör mig ruinerad eller regioner man kan köa till.

Alla tips mottages, men ja, jag vill ha en utredning och jag är 85% säker att den leder till en diagnos.

Jag kommer posta samma inlägg på fler subreddits.

I'm 61 years old, male. Never been diagnosed with Autism but I know I'm somewhere on the spectrum. I have pretty serious ADHD, OCD, Depression for sure. I've always had sensory issues like stimming, which I've tried to deny for as long as I know. My wife has very gently mentioned my stimming in the past. Some of my stimming is; running/clicking my fingers together in both hands at the same time, with a goal of an even amount of times in each direction, or giving each motion some type of value and each side must do the same thing, the same amount of times, with my fingers. I've had an annoying obsession with counting syllables in sentences, sometimes intense, other times not as much. It has taken quite a bit of effort to "shut that off at times." I can be intensely social, and intensely anti social. I can be pretty coarse in my communication, but I am educated and have learned how to be professional when I need to be. Ok, so finally the grandkids. I have 2 sons. Son A: This son likely has autism, has some of the symptomology. His 4 year old son is non lingual, currently in ABA and showing signs of much progress with communication. One of his 5 year old twin girls hasn't been diagnosed, but I believe this sweet child has autism as well. She's smart, sweet, and has som latent language skills.

Son B: His 3 year old son has a more severe form, heavy stimming after he throws items, usually balls, on the floor. He'll be starting ABA and Soecial Ed classes following that in the afternoon soon. This child's older sister is almost 6, smart as a whip, social, with a fiery temper at times. She stims by holding items at arms length, like her barbie dolls, and shakes and twists them around while talking, it's pretty darn cute actually.

So, that's a lot of autism in my children's families. I wonder if they got it from me? I don't wonder so that I can beat myself up or anything silly like that. I just wonder. I have no idea about my family lineage because I was adopted at 6 weeks old. I'm not even sure why I posted this other that I'm just thinking about these things and want to go get myself an assessment. *Interestingly, my wife worked with the school system for 20 years as a parapro, and her specialty? Working with Autistic children.

I have a job interview on Monday for a lead position, with having previous experience in this role. I haven’t worked in 3 months or so.

Knowing things like the findings of this research worries me, as do the feelings I’ve been left with after experiencing workplace discrimination. How do you get over feelings of being wrongly judged and feeling inadequate or incompetent as a result of this judgement?

Reference:

Whelpley, C.E., May, C.P. Seeing is Disliking: Evidence of Bias Against Individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder in Traditional Job Interviews. J Autism Dev Disord 53, 1363–1374 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-022-05432-2

So I've needed glasses for like 13 years and I literally only use them when working. I cannot wear them while walking around and I don't wear them driving, playing PC or watching TV etc. I feel sick and my vision feels distorted.

I've had several eye tests, even 3 last year and had to have my prescriptions changed. My partner cannot understand why I find the optician tests difficult but I do, and maybe my prescriptions are just wrong and it's because of my brain not being able to process the test properly.

Just wondering if anyone can relate before I go to my GP about this

This is my third month working as a Customer service rep in a vet clinic. First time working in a vet clinic, it’s been a learning curve. Manager gave me a verbal warning that I have to improve communication between clients and doctors, since he received concerns from doctors that I’m not delivering communication accurately to clients or vice versa. He asked me what tools they can provide me with to help. I also wanted to tell him that im in the process of getting diagnosed for a disability I’m fully 100 % aware I have-autism which affects my ability to process information. While I do understand, that having a disability shouldn’t deter me from doing my work duties efficiently, I think it would help for them to understand me better and the reasons why i am the way I am. I thought about telling them but held back since I don’t have a formal diagnosis. I googled if doing that would be a good decision to make and I got mixed answers. Not sure on what to do, I feel very stressed and worried.

The title says it all. I (25M, autistic) have been corresponding with this guy (late 20s-early 30sM, neurodivergent but I don't know his specific diagnosis) on Telegram. We met at a party two years back. We've been talking on and off and our correspondence came to a head recently. Is it just me or is this person super frustrating?

I don't know and I kinda don't care. But I wanna post the screencaps of our convo here for posterity because I just deleted the conversation on the app. I wanna move on from this person and I just need to capital-v VENT!

But also while I'm at it, have other autistic or neurodivergent adults had odd or frustrating interactions like this with others on the spectrum? I wanna know because I'm just so frustrated.

On one hand...I will always be happy to see an uptick in fellow autistic people posting about their autistic selves, whether it's being open about the ableism they have faced personally, the general ableism our community experiences, the ways in which it can present a challenge functioning in society, special interests, etc.

Being diagnosed near the end of middle school (worst years of my life) was so important to me because it finally put the pieces together as to why I've struggled the way I've struggled academically, socially, etc. my entire life. Once things got slightly better entering high school, I started to be more open about being autistic in class (when it was relevant of course), when with my peers, and on social media. This was admittedly in an effort to garner more understanding and hopefully acceptance of not just myself but other people who, whether they were autistic or not, struggled socially and/or displayed traits that are often associated with autistic people. I would also try to be more vocal about issues like anti-vaxxers, Autism Speaks, miscellaneous dumbfounded means of "curing" us, etc.

On the other hand...even as an autistic person who (mostly is able to) loves myself, this month also serves as a reminder for how much our society, whether they admit it or not, just hates autistic people. Or if not "hate," has no issue at all treating us less than - to our faces or behind our backs. Not every day so far has sucked in this way, but after graduating college a few years ago, I've stopped looking forward to Autism Acceptance Month because of how much I've come to realize that (pardon my pessimism) nothing will ever change that substantially and our society will always hate (or at least not care enough about) us.

Though there are other factors that probably don't help with the above.

• It was during my last year of college that I realized this program I attended (outside of school) for several years in middle/high school, while introducing me to some amazing friends, wasn't actually helpful for autistic/neurodivergent kids like us but rather, constantly taught us that we have to live up to neurotypical norms and that it's an 'us' issue if we're feeling mistreated. The program wasn't ABA, but it's definitely a program that ABA would agree with...
• I realized it was this program, plus the many adults (even peers) in my life who were regularly on me about my not-harmful-but-inviting-ridicule-and-judgment behavior, that taught me that I should always care about what other people think and that it's a me issue if I'm not 'succeeding socially.' The reason(s) I was an introvert with an extroverted personality who always wanted to be more socially active and 'out there' but always shied away because I thought I wasn't good or "socially acceptable" enough. These realizations occurring during my last year of college, while putting pieces together, wasn't the type of realization that suddenly fixed my problems. Even to this day it's been hard to unlearn the, dare I say, psychological trauma I've experienced all my life.
• It really also made me wonder if any of the acceptance/understanding from others of myself and other autistic people I sensed among my peers (and general society/environment) was really as genuine as I thought it was, or if the reason I felt that way was just because I had to learn how to mask in accordance with neurotypical standards.

While I do try to be online less (lol) for the sake of my mental health, any amount of time I'm online I'll see interactions occurring that show me how much people in our world still actually hate us. The biggest thing lately would have to be the way people love calling harmless mannerisms, behaviors, word choices/phrasings, hobbies, etc., "cringe." This to me makes it clear that anyone who doesn't exactly meet (neuro)typical social standards are just unlikable and horrible as hell in the eyes of neurotypical people (and maybe other autistic/ND people who haven't unpacked their internalized ableism).

Whether you're an autistic person who loves this month or hates this month, I hope you remember to prioritize you and your wellbeing as much as possible. <3

My adult brother was diagnosed with autism at a very young age, but my parents tried to “shield” him from it, my guess is in an effort to keep him from feeling different. As good as my parent’s intentions were, I truly believe they failed him in their parenting. He’s so smart but struggles with regulating emotions and I’m worried about his future as my parents get older.

The biggest failure I think is my parents not being involved in some sort of community where they could learn more about autism (they have almost no real idea of what it is), where my brother could connect with other people that have autism and people that won’t judge him for who he is.

What kind of resources are available that I could share with him? I’d love to be able to help him find some sort of life coach to help prepare him for living independently if possible, and maybe some sort of group or community that can help him understand more about his own autism.

The reason I am posting this here is because I think it has to do with my autism. I am not good at processing emotions and am hoping to get advice on what to do. This is something I never never thought I would have to experience and it has unlocked really unusual emotions.

My husband attempted suicide on Wednesday. They called me an hour after they left from work and told me they had the materials to do so and were going to do it. I'd known they were depressed but they had never said to this degree. I had to stay with them on the phone to get them to drive to the hospital and immediately got there. We spent six hours in the waiting room before they were admitted. It was a very brutal size hours.

Since then I have been at home alone. I visit them every day. They are getting better. I guess they had a ketamine treatment or something that kind of reset their brain so like significantly better. Which is good. I want them to be happy again.

But I also feel this deep and strange rage. Like I want them to be home and I want to never see them again simultaneously. I think part of it is that there have been many times in my life where I should have been admitted to the psychiatric ward and we could not afford it so I had to recover at home with family watching me. The one time I tried medical cannabis it unlocked a panic disorder that I did have to go to the ER twice for but again we could not afford psychiatric inpatient care. And now when they are in crisis it is suddenly fine for us to spend that amount AND all they have to do is take ketamine and they feel better? And they put me through almost destroying both of our lives? It would have utterly destroyed me if they died.

I just feel so hurt. I am hurt for the level of pain they have been in and hurt that they did this and hurt that they seem to have found a treatment that works for them that I have never found and probably will never find because you cant get rid of being autistic. I feel so selfish and hate myself too. There is a part of me that just wants to get the house ready for them and leave them to recover or whatever because clearly I wouldn't help them and frankly I don't want to be around them right now. I want them to get better but I don't want to be around them. I don't know if this is normal at all. It doesn't feel normal.

I've become a lot more confident in my social skills, I feel a lot less awkward when talking to people and have become more outgoing. I'm pretty good at taking hints atleast I think so. I got along really well with a coworker from my old job several months ago, we'd hit it off everytime, shared interests hobbies and same humor, we were practically finishing each other's sentences. My final day there, he was the one who initiated asking to hang out sometime. I try not to initiate that question myself unless I know it's a 100% yes just to avoid rejection, so I was relieved when he asked to hang out.

We texted each other memes and I would end up asking a question like "how's it been?" And he give back a dry response and nothing else. I did this every once or two weeks before I finally accepted the hint. I really thought things were going well.

I have a new job now and there's another Coworker I've been getting along with, same humor, some same hobbies, I would initiate conversation often and he'd be into it. But I now realize he never initiated conversation with me once and so I went through a shift where I tested that out and he never spoke a word to me. So I took the hint and stopped talking to him anymore.

I am desperate for some sort of connection but I'm pretty sure I'm good at hiding that. I feel like I've mastered my social skills and awareness but I'm still at square one? Do you guys have advice for me or has anything helped you socially in your life?

Hi, 31M, self diagnosed AuDHD here- a month into unmasking.

Would be immensely grateful if anyone can help me tackle this issue. It's taking life out of me at this point.

TLDR- Solution for binge eating. An autism friendly resource, book, advice etc Anything that can help.

I have been struggling with Binge Eating my whole life being obese when I started to lose weight by starving and that's when anorexia started setting in with guilt around food and eating, overexercising, binging -exercising cycles to the point that i missed many important milestones in my life including possible valuable time with family and even stayed in a dysfunctional relationship/friendships because of the same. All because of self image/eating based issues growing up.

I also have CPTSD and have been working on it for around 5 years now, but i haven't been able to figure out the solution for my eating patterns. I have done most things on the list- - Keto - Calories counting (what im currently doing) - Variety of food groups in a meal - Eliminating dairy + Gluten - Eating Plenty of Fibre - Yogic diet, Ayurvedic Diet - Fasting ( recently fasted for 11 days - no food ) - Checked for diabetes (have a family history)

Consulted over 5 dieticians and nutritionists, exhausted trying all food types and styles, timings.

My current diet is eating Variety of food groups. But i am not satisfied because i keep counting calories and organising food groups in my head, exhausts my brain energy.

This is what i eat - flatbread made of sorghum/finger millet, yogurt 100ml, plate of salad - 🥒 🥕, 5-7 almonds 1 walnut, a fruit/ a cup of cooked lentils or beans.

I am in India, so finding help (FOR ANYTHING ) is difficult here, because the culture is largely unaware of Adult Autism , let alone Cptsd.

I am hungry even when I 'eat enough ' and Yes when i have things to do, im engrossed in, it becomes easier to focus elsewhere. But I get exhausted doing it and am back into 'thinking about food'. It is impractical to Distract yourself to distract yourself from food, it doesn't sit well with me. I cannot keep 'running away' from the kitchen or to practice a hobby JUST BECAUSE my brain can think about food.

Moreover, the common solutions like 'switch to nuts, seeds, fruits' has already been done and It doesn't help because you CAN have excess/ nuts are HIGH in calories. It's like i walk on eggshells and eat with hyper vigilance self assuring each bite that i am safe.

For example, Today for lunch i was so pulled to eating almonds that i crunched around 80 of them today. My usual is around 15 because I calorie count which makes me very unhappy but I DREAD, ABSOLUTELY DREAD, being overweight again, the whole childhood experience was very paralysing and agonizing. Plus the feeling of being heavy and 'not light ' is downright depressing.

I am working on healing Cptsd associated with body dysmorphia but I don't want my brain to constantly want food.

Exercise levels are Zero at the moment because of Burnout - thus leading to more dread around eating and satiety, more calories calculation and so on.

I have very restricted circumstances wrt money, guidance, awareness and support in my environment and am constantly in my head putting pieces of my life together the whole day, watching videos, or reading articles for now.

I need help in anyway i can. Would be grateful if you can share resources, advice, what worked for you etc.

Thank you for reading this far. 🙏🏼

Hello, although any and all answers are greatly appreciated, and I would love to hear the opinions and thoughts of anyone kind enough to read and share. I will admit this post is primarily a question to men with autism (although I imagine for women with autism this might apply just as much).

I am in my late thirties now and have still never been in a relationship before, not even a super short one. Not overly surprising for an autistic guy. But a tad bit frustrating, nevertheless. I have always had a hard time fitting in and connecting with people. It basically just does not happen to me.

Which is ok. I do pretty good on my own. But I would like a relationship. And I worry my inability to click with someone is forever going to keep me single. It just seems no matter who I am talking to we never really 'click' or make a connection.

What is hard for me to understand is I like and click with women all the time. It is not hard for me to click with someone I like. I even fall in love wonderfully easily. So, it is hard for me to understand what another person is looking for. I seem to find what I am looking for in another so easily and yet no one ever seems to find in me what they are looking for.

I guess this question is mostly for men with autism who after a long time finally got into a relationship. What finally made you click with someone? What did they see in you that they liked?

Like I said it is tough for me because I find so many women I like. Yet they never seem to like me in return. What does it feel like for someone to like you or click with you.

Or am I way off base here. I obviously have zero clue what women are looking for.

Thank you so very much :)