I got hired as a barista for a brand new coffee shop, I've been working in customer service for 4 years now and I love coffee so I was very very excited about it!

Before the inauguration we (me + 2 other employees + the 2 owners + 4 of their friends, so a lot of people) got together for a "training day" with a professional barista instructing us. Everyone else was talking to each other very loudly and hardly paying attention to the instructor, who I noticed was very frustrated about it so I paid extra attention to her because I know how awful that feels.

I thought I did well, I learned everything very quickly and prepared like 10 lattes while my coworkers prepared just 2 each! But two days later I was checking one of my coworker's ig stories and she was posting about a "tasting session", everyone was there trying out the menu and I was just finding out about that. I got bummed but oh well guess they just forgot about me.

All that happened a week ago. Yesterday I got a message from my "boss" saying, basically, "you're not communicative enough for a barista, we can try and give you an administrative position we think would suit you better but no promises".

How was I supposed to know I should've ignored the training part??? I've never been more excited for a job so being left out and then fired before the inauguration made me really sad :(

Also, truth is I am VERY talkative (clearly)! I love having conversations with customers and that's why I choose to work with the public. But, y'know, I didn't think I should be talking while someone was trying to teach me something I was very interesting in learning AND was essential for what my job was. It was just a reminder that the neurotypical world doesn't make sense so it will always be harder for me to navigate it.

I have a job interview on Monday for a lead position, with having previous experience in this role. I haven’t worked in 3 months or so.

Knowing things like the findings of this research worries me, as do the feelings I’ve been left with after experiencing workplace discrimination. How do you get over feelings of being wrongly judged and feeling inadequate or incompetent as a result of this judgement?

Reference:

Whelpley, C.E., May, C.P. Seeing is Disliking: Evidence of Bias Against Individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder in Traditional Job Interviews. J Autism Dev Disord 53, 1363–1374 (2023). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-022-05432-2

im trying to piece together all my "why wasnt i diagnosed in elementary school " moments, one example is how i wanted everyone to follow rules and would have a meltdown if they didnt. I saw that its common for autistic kids to be in speech therapy and started to think, is that another thing to add to my list? I was in speech therapy my entire time in elementary school(i had a hard time with the "th" sound but do not remember the rest. I still have a lisp and a hard time pronouncing words). Semi related i was also in the special spelling group where we got easier words, along with a kid who im pretty sure was also undiagnosed lmao

Basically wondering how common of an experience this is :o

Edit: wow! Im suprised to see how common of a thing this was! Very validating thank you all c:

Ooohhh my god it's so bad. Spring just started and I had to be out in sunny 73°f weather today and I was so frustrated and upset.

The sensation of sweating is one of the worst things on this planet, not to mention the feeling of being hot also being nearly just as horrendous. I can deal with sunscreen decently fine, surprisingly enough. The US doesn't have nearly enough trees to provide shade for people going about doing normal errands.

But I can't magically put full grown trees wherever I want. So what can I do to manage a little better? I've been thinking about bringing cold packs with me wherever I go, so I can put it on my wrists, neck, and back whenever I need so I can cool myself down before I start sweating too much. And bringing baby wipes with me to wipe off any sweat that I do produce.

I know all about wearing specific clothing to help stay cool. It's just rarely enough for me, I need all I can get. It's sooo bad it kills my mood because I can't relax or have fun when I feel sweaty, oily or hot.

I need literally any advice you can give me. Even your craziest solutions. THANK YOU!!!!

As a child, I was always very reserved. I had trouble (and didn't know why) with doing certain things like answering the phone interacting with checkout people in the store etc. I didn't make friends until the last year of junior school (age 10 for those non UK people here). Was bullied for 5 years non stop in senior school (age 11 - 16) as well as being neglected at home from the age of 8. From 18 - 23 I was almost a completely different person. Was very outgoing and sociable, loved my job and thought I had a big friend circle. Then, at 23, the illnesses began. It first began with a backache and I thought "ok, I've moved a patient the wrong way or I've twisted the wrong way during manual handling". Then, the migraines began. I remember walking down the hospital ward on an evening shift and could literally feel my brain pounding in my head. Then something happened, to this day I don't know what. The Insomnia began and a change in my brain occurred. I went from loving my job and looking forward to putting my uniform on each day to being filled with...not wanting to be there. I would make any excuse I could find to go home. The insomnia had me awake for 48 hours at a time. I was filled with trepidation and didn't know why. I ended up using all of my sick time, all of my holiday time and eventually I had to resign. To this day I still don't know what happened. Nothing happened at work, there were no incidents in my personal life that occurred at this time. I don't know if this was the autism (which I didn't know i had at the time) or whether this was a response from the undiagnosed C-PTSD (it was first labelled as "just depression" and then later to "dysthymic disorder" both of which were incorrect diagnoses). Some of you here are much more... "experienced" with autism than I am so I wonder if there are any insights? It still bothers me to this day what happened because I don't understand it

The title says it all. I (25M, autistic) have been corresponding with this guy (late 20s-early 30sM, neurodivergent but I don't know his specific diagnosis) on Telegram. We met at a party two years back. We've been talking on and off and our correspondence came to a head recently. Is it just me or is this person super frustrating?

I don't know and I kinda don't care. But I wanna post the screencaps of our convo here for posterity because I just deleted the conversation on the app. I wanna move on from this person and I just need to capital-v VENT!

But also while I'm at it, have other autistic or neurodivergent adults had odd or frustrating interactions like this with others on the spectrum? I wanna know because I'm just so frustrated.

Hello, although any and all answers are greatly appreciated, and I would love to hear the opinions and thoughts of anyone kind enough to read and share. I will admit this post is primarily a question to men with autism (although I imagine for women with autism this might apply just as much).

I am in my late thirties now and have still never been in a relationship before, not even a super short one. Not overly surprising for an autistic guy. But a tad bit frustrating, nevertheless. I have always had a hard time fitting in and connecting with people. It basically just does not happen to me.

Which is ok. I do pretty good on my own. But I would like a relationship. And I worry my inability to click with someone is forever going to keep me single. It just seems no matter who I am talking to we never really 'click' or make a connection.

What is hard for me to understand is I like and click with women all the time. It is not hard for me to click with someone I like. I even fall in love wonderfully easily. So, it is hard for me to understand what another person is looking for. I seem to find what I am looking for in another so easily and yet no one ever seems to find in me what they are looking for.

I guess this question is mostly for men with autism who after a long time finally got into a relationship. What finally made you click with someone? What did they see in you that they liked?

Like I said it is tough for me because I find so many women I like. Yet they never seem to like me in return. What does it feel like for someone to like you or click with you.

Or am I way off base here. I obviously have zero clue what women are looking for.

Thank you so very much :)

I am 28.

I spent all my life in the wrong way. I fixated on school and academia, but got a useless degree. I had all the opportunities in the world. Financially I was very lucky. Yet I wasted my parents' money on a degree that I got just because I was trying to make sense of the world, and that I struggled with anyway. I did not feel able to work. I don't think I was. My brain turned a (financially) lucky life into a terrible one.

My work experience is scarce, scattered, and entry level. I struggled all my life, suffered immensely. Constantly suicidal. Most of all, I felt disconnected, an extreme sense of alienation, confusion. I kept a nomadic life to deal with it. I had a complete breakdown at 26 and unemployed since then.

I have nothing to show for my 28 years of life. Somehow, I have an amazing talent to end up being a big pile of nothing. I feel so fucking incapable that at this point even boiling eggs feels like I'll fuck it up.

I tried to learn many instruments and failed. Now I can't play anything. I read a million books and I can't remember them, or make proper connections in my mind, or apply them. I did a woodwork course and did not learn one thing from it. I did relatively many experiences but I don't remember them. It's like I am stuck in this void. When I think of myself I can't feel anything.

I have watched my friends one by one build families, careers, and just live while I was stuck falling apart on my own.

I don't know why god made me this way, I feel like shit. I was supposedly "impressively smart" as a kid but in reality I was just hyperlexic and extremely abstract and logical. Now I can't read anymore so that's gone too.

It's crazy to think about all the fun I could have had all those years, but my brain turned all the fun into suffering: into anxiety, confusion, shutdowns, embarassment, forced masking.

I have done such ungodly efforts to build a life for myself, and yet the result is: nothing. It's like building an endless sandcastle that gets washed away by waves.

I am not giving up just yet because I want to wait for some medical stuff, meds, and until I am 30 or my grandma goes.

But I feel like even if I manage to get my brain working, I will be late anyway. I feel like I was just born wrong. I don't feel human. I don't feel alive.

I try to keep it positive as much as I can but this is how I feel all the time. I feel like a kid, a nutcase, and a cosplay of a person. I can't with this brain

Hi. Don't usually completely dislike someone... and rn around someone i really don't like. Dont want to be fake and don't want to ignore/make this person uncomfortable. I'm around them a lot and they're an okay person kwim. Social suggestions?

This is my third month working as a Customer service rep in a vet clinic. First time working in a vet clinic, it’s been a learning curve. Manager gave me a verbal warning that I have to improve communication between clients and doctors, since he received concerns from doctors that I’m not delivering communication accurately to clients or vice versa. He asked me what tools they can provide me with to help. I also wanted to tell him that im in the process of getting diagnosed for a disability I’m fully 100 % aware I have-autism which affects my ability to process information. While I do understand, that having a disability shouldn’t deter me from doing my work duties efficiently, I think it would help for them to understand me better and the reasons why i am the way I am. I thought about telling them but held back since I don’t have a formal diagnosis. I googled if doing that would be a good decision to make and I got mixed answers. Not sure on what to do, I feel very stressed and worried.

I always hear about people “loving deeply” and having a lot of love to give and it eludes me. I’m quite self conscious about it. I’ve loved a few people in my life before and, aside from my first one or two relationships when I was a teenager, I just don’t do the whole head-over-heels earth-shattering love thing everyone seems to talk about. I’m not diagnosed but there is certainly autism in my family.

I want to get into a new relationship soon and I’m worried the guy will not get enough love from me, whatever that even means. I don’t tend to do positive emotions with much intensity in general. I’m just kind of content, wavering around the middle and occasionally dipping low. I’d say I’m pretty content and I do grow fond and connect with people but that’s kind of it. I have some relationship trauma though.

Is this an autism thing or an attachment issue or just the way I am?

Hello, I am autistic and in my thirties. It is painfully obvious by now that if I do not look for a girlfriend a relationship is never going to happen for me.

This is mostly a question for other autistic people, and I really am looking for some practical advice here. I have a hard time dealing with people both in real life and online after awhile. I get burnt out very quickly with both.

I am very fortunate in life that I am able to lead a very quiet and private life. Needless to say this lifestyle does not help with dating. I thought I would be alright if I confined my search for dates to the internet and to dating apps but even online, I am realizing how quickly I can get frustrated and burnt out reading and chatting online.

Maybe someday I will have to try more in person things to trying to get dates. But that scares me even more because in person I am often a wreck and have had panic attacks talking with new people.

So, like I said I really am looking for practical advice with how to keep up the mental strength of looking for dates when you get burnt out with people so very quickly.

Thank you.

I’m an 18 year old autistic girl, and like all autistic people, I struggle with my diagnosis in different ways every day. Recently, I’ve been trying to understand more about what being autistic means for me, how it impacts my life, what my specific symptoms are, and how I can better support myself in my daily life. As part of this process, I’ve been asking my mom if she noticed any signs of me being different when I was younger, but she always says she didn’t notice anything unusual.

However, she has told other family members that I was “strange” and “not like everyone else” even before I was diagnosed. This contradiction led to an argument between us where she accused me of bullying her just because I wanted answers to this.

When I got diagnosed, my mom was (mildly) dismissive about it. She said things like, “I don’t notice anything,” and “Everyone gets diagnosed with ADHD or autism today.” This continued today, where she told me she’s tired of “society” pushing labels on everyone. She said things like, “Maybe everyone’s just a little autistic,” and that I shouldn’t feel bad for myself just because I got a diagnosis. She also said that if I lived in another society, I wouldn’t have been diagnosed because I wouldn’t have these issues if society wasn’t “so messed up.” To top it off, she mentioned that many people in her generation would’ve probably received a diagnosis if things were like they are now, but they didn’t.

But when I do something she doesn’t like, she’s quick to blame it on my autism. It’s hard to explain, but sometimes I get frustrated when she doesn’t give me a clear answer to something, and she’ll just say, “This is probably because of your autism.” But when it comes to situations like this: when I’m trying to explain my struggles or express how something is affecting me, she never acknowledges how autism impacts my life. It’s as if my autism only becomes relevant when I do something wrong or when it’s convenient for her, but when I need her to understand it in a more supportive way, it’s like it doesn’t even exist.

This whole situation really hurts me. She makes me feel invalidated, and I don’t know how to make her understand. I understand that people of her generation are less educated when it comes to neurodiversity, but I’ve tried to educate her for about 4 years now and she still says things like this, even tho I’ve told her that it makes me sad. She said “People didn’t get diagnosed with autism when I was a kid and now it’s happening all the time” as if the lack of diagnoses in her generation somehow disproves that autism exists, and it really upset me, not just for myself, but for all autistic people from past generations who grew up feeling lost and misunderstood, just like I did. It’s frustrating to feel like she doesn’t understand the real pain that comes with that. Right now it feels like I’ll be better off cutting her off completely.

So im making this post to ask: Is it okay to feel this way? What can I do? I guess I just need other people’s opinions/advice.

I've become a lot more confident in my social skills, I feel a lot less awkward when talking to people and have become more outgoing. I'm pretty good at taking hints atleast I think so. I got along really well with a coworker from my old job several months ago, we'd hit it off everytime, shared interests hobbies and same humor, we were practically finishing each other's sentences. My final day there, he was the one who initiated asking to hang out sometime. I try not to initiate that question myself unless I know it's a 100% yes just to avoid rejection, so I was relieved when he asked to hang out.

We texted each other memes and I would end up asking a question like "how's it been?" And he give back a dry response and nothing else. I did this every once or two weeks before I finally accepted the hint. I really thought things were going well.

I have a new job now and there's another Coworker I've been getting along with, same humor, some same hobbies, I would initiate conversation often and he'd be into it. But I now realize he never initiated conversation with me once and so I went through a shift where I tested that out and he never spoke a word to me. So I took the hint and stopped talking to him anymore.

I am desperate for some sort of connection but I'm pretty sure I'm good at hiding that. I feel like I've mastered my social skills and awareness but I'm still at square one? Do you guys have advice for me or has anything helped you socially in your life?

I don't think I even feel lonely? Like, I get why it seems sad on the outside, I guess, but truly this is the first bday where I've been able to have 0 expectations and just do my own thing.

I do have a dinner with friends tonight. We're supposed to go out afterwards but I'm going to tell them I can't make it to the club. I went out by myself last night because my fav comedian (also autistic) was in town and it was amazing.

The more and more I unmask the more I realize how much of my life, stuff I didn't even think about before, has been people pleasing. I love people, I love my friends, but I also love just hanging out with my dog. I don't want to do anything performative ever again.

My autism onion is somehow still unraveling after getting diagnosed a couple years ago, but I think I'm finally in the true-to-myself, chaotic good, nearly self realized autist phase. Thank god.

Because you know what? While I love people, I do not understand them! I don't care about social hierarchy whatsoever. I'm sick of pretending. I'm sick of feeling apologetic and shameful for my differences.

I sometimes see people in autistic communities talking about how much WE are the ones who accommodate neurotypicals and you know what? Amen. I will be unapologetically autistic. It's a gift, it's also a disability, but yes, it's a gift.

Sorry for this disjointed post but I'm somewhat hungover and feeling all of the things lol.

Happy bday to me and all other Aries this year <3

I'm 61 years old, male. Never been diagnosed with Autism but I know I'm somewhere on the spectrum. I have pretty serious ADHD, OCD, Depression for sure. I've always had sensory issues like stimming, which I've tried to deny for as long as I know. My wife has very gently mentioned my stimming in the past. Some of my stimming is; running/clicking my fingers together in both hands at the same time, with a goal of an even amount of times in each direction, or giving each motion some type of value and each side must do the same thing, the same amount of times, with my fingers. I've had an annoying obsession with counting syllables in sentences, sometimes intense, other times not as much. It has taken quite a bit of effort to "shut that off at times." I can be intensely social, and intensely anti social. I can be pretty coarse in my communication, but I am educated and have learned how to be professional when I need to be. Ok, so finally the grandkids. I have 2 sons. Son A: This son likely has autism, has some of the symptomology. His 4 year old son is non lingual, currently in ABA and showing signs of much progress with communication. One of his 5 year old twin girls hasn't been diagnosed, but I believe this sweet child has autism as well. She's smart, sweet, and has som latent language skills.

Son B: His 3 year old son has a more severe form, heavy stimming after he throws items, usually balls, on the floor. He'll be starting ABA and Soecial Ed classes following that in the afternoon soon. This child's older sister is almost 6, smart as a whip, social, with a fiery temper at times. She stims by holding items at arms length, like her barbie dolls, and shakes and twists them around while talking, it's pretty darn cute actually.

So, that's a lot of autism in my children's families. I wonder if they got it from me? I don't wonder so that I can beat myself up or anything silly like that. I just wonder. I have no idea about my family lineage because I was adopted at 6 weeks old. I'm not even sure why I posted this other that I'm just thinking about these things and want to go get myself an assessment. *Interestingly, my wife worked with the school system for 20 years as a parapro, and her specialty? Working with Autistic children.

My adult brother was diagnosed with autism at a very young age, but my parents tried to “shield” him from it, my guess is in an effort to keep him from feeling different. As good as my parent’s intentions were, I truly believe they failed him in their parenting. He’s so smart but struggles with regulating emotions and I’m worried about his future as my parents get older.

The biggest failure I think is my parents not being involved in some sort of community where they could learn more about autism (they have almost no real idea of what it is), where my brother could connect with other people that have autism and people that won’t judge him for who he is.

What kind of resources are available that I could share with him? I’d love to be able to help him find some sort of life coach to help prepare him for living independently if possible, and maybe some sort of group or community that can help him understand more about his own autism.

On one hand...I will always be happy to see an uptick in fellow autistic people posting about their autistic selves, whether it's being open about the ableism they have faced personally, the general ableism our community experiences, the ways in which it can present a challenge functioning in society, special interests, etc.

Being diagnosed near the end of middle school (worst years of my life) was so important to me because it finally put the pieces together as to why I've struggled the way I've struggled academically, socially, etc. my entire life. Once things got slightly better entering high school, I started to be more open about being autistic in class (when it was relevant of course), when with my peers, and on social media. This was admittedly in an effort to garner more understanding and hopefully acceptance of not just myself but other people who, whether they were autistic or not, struggled socially and/or displayed traits that are often associated with autistic people. I would also try to be more vocal about issues like anti-vaxxers, Autism Speaks, miscellaneous dumbfounded means of "curing" us, etc.

On the other hand...even as an autistic person who (mostly is able to) loves myself, this month also serves as a reminder for how much our society, whether they admit it or not, just hates autistic people. Or if not "hate," has no issue at all treating us less than - to our faces or behind our backs. Not every day so far has sucked in this way, but after graduating college a few years ago, I've stopped looking forward to Autism Acceptance Month because of how much I've come to realize that (pardon my pessimism) nothing will ever change that substantially and our society will always hate (or at least not care enough about) us.

Though there are other factors that probably don't help with the above.

• It was during my last year of college that I realized this program I attended (outside of school) for several years in middle/high school, while introducing me to some amazing friends, wasn't actually helpful for autistic/neurodivergent kids like us but rather, constantly taught us that we have to live up to neurotypical norms and that it's an 'us' issue if we're feeling mistreated. The program wasn't ABA, but it's definitely a program that ABA would agree with...
• I realized it was this program, plus the many adults (even peers) in my life who were regularly on me about my not-harmful-but-inviting-ridicule-and-judgment behavior, that taught me that I should always care about what other people think and that it's a me issue if I'm not 'succeeding socially.' The reason(s) I was an introvert with an extroverted personality who always wanted to be more socially active and 'out there' but always shied away because I thought I wasn't good or "socially acceptable" enough. These realizations occurring during my last year of college, while putting pieces together, wasn't the type of realization that suddenly fixed my problems. Even to this day it's been hard to unlearn the, dare I say, psychological trauma I've experienced all my life.
• It really also made me wonder if any of the acceptance/understanding from others of myself and other autistic people I sensed among my peers (and general society/environment) was really as genuine as I thought it was, or if the reason I felt that way was just because I had to learn how to mask in accordance with neurotypical standards.

While I do try to be online less (lol) for the sake of my mental health, any amount of time I'm online I'll see interactions occurring that show me how much people in our world still actually hate us. The biggest thing lately would have to be the way people love calling harmless mannerisms, behaviors, word choices/phrasings, hobbies, etc., "cringe." This to me makes it clear that anyone who doesn't exactly meet (neuro)typical social standards are just unlikable and horrible as hell in the eyes of neurotypical people (and maybe other autistic/ND people who haven't unpacked their internalized ableism).

Whether you're an autistic person who loves this month or hates this month, I hope you remember to prioritize you and your wellbeing as much as possible. <3

I'm 30 and I'm pretty sure I'm Autistic (although not formally diagnosed). I'm also introverted, severely depressed and very sensitive to noise. I'm also prone to migraines. I've worked customer service since I was 17 and every job I've ever had has made me miserable. Talking to people all day is exhausting and I've never been able to work more than part time. I've been unemployed for a few months now but I really need to earn a living, I just can't imagine doing another retail job or something like that where I have to pretend to be happy and peppy and social all day - or deal with customers, their children, music or noise. Please help? I'm at my wits end.

I am looking for advice on how to keep my floor clean in the most efficient and less overwhelming way. I HATE vacuum cleaning because noise sends me into instant meltdown. I sweep now, but my place is kind of too large for it so it takes about an hour. And afterwards I never have the time/energy to mop. Are there any autistic friendly (and budget friendly, I dont have 500 euro's to spend on a robot to do it for me) ways to keep floors clean? I would love to hear what products you use in your house to vacuum and mop. Preferably things avaiable in the Netherlands as thats where Im based.

Hi! I am a proud type B :) I can be type A in some ways (ex: I can get annoyed if things aren’t done or organized a certain way, I’m passionate about certain things, I’m prone to stress, etc) but I’m more type B overall (I work at a slower pace, not super competitive, laid-back, flexible, sensitive, creative)

Over the years in my personal and professional life, I’ve noticed that I naturally gravitate towards and vibe with other people who are type B and sometimes I straight up don’t get along with type A. My question is, what personality type do you all tend to identify with? Maybe you’re neither and you’re more type C or D? I’m curious! :)

I want to go out and meet people, expand my friend group and meet a romantic partner. I have terrible approach anxiety and don’t always feel confident and at times I feel super akward. How would I go about meeting people at say a bar for example? Or are there other places I should try? How do I go about building my confidence?

It’s like a dagger in the heart every time I hear people talking about “catching” autism like it’s some sort of plague. My therapist tells me I shouldn’t see it as a disability, and that it should just been seen as different, not less than, and I really want to believe that. I do believe that most of the time, and I appreciate many of my autistic traits. I like the way my brain processes things, even if it can be exhausting to feel misunderstood and misconstrued. I have plenty of ND friends that have expressed how much they love the way my brain works, and I really love them too. So anyway, it hurts every time I hear people talking about vaccines “causing” autism. It feels like the general public see’s it as a disease, and although the perception is slowly changing, I just needed to express the sadness it makes me feel every time I hear it being casually brought up in conversation.

Disclaimer: this is not intended to be a political debate about vaccines, I just needed to express how it feels when people talk about it like it’s a terrible thing, not considering who it might affect.

I have several questions about getting diagnosed: 1) when it comes to just understanding my self better does getting a formal diagnosis more helpful than self-diagnosing and trying to learn from there? 2) would my autistic diagnosis be 100% private or could it show up in background check for jobs? For example I have an ADHD diagnosis and that disqualifies me from being able to get a pilot license. As an adult I've already learned how to navigate this world but I have multiple close friends that have separately asked me if I've ever been diagnosed. It makes me wonder if there's stuff that I don't understand about my behavior that is apparently projecting that out there. I just don't want to get a diagnosis and have more stigmas against me that I have to deal with. For anyone that's been through the process was it worth it?