Edit: I don’t have the capability to answer everyone. Thank you for the replies. I feel really seen and it’s so nice with a community that can understand and relate. I have the loops earplugs and use them a lot, but they don’t help. Someone suggested that I might have misophonia, and I think that’s pretty bang on. The construction headphones might be the way to go.

I’m at my whits end, please don’t judge me. My three and a half year old had undiagnosed ADHD. I was diagnosed when she was 1.5. My dh and I also have a 2 month old, so I’m super sleep deprived and even more sensitive than usual. My wonderfull little girl has started a new, what I’m assuming is a stim. where she’s constantly singing or making noise. It’s a constant repetition of sounds, and it feels like torture. I can’t get her to stop, and I feel bad for even trying to make her stop, because she’s not hurting anyone (well except for me, but you get my point). I feel like I can’t accommodate my own child. I miss her so much after the baby has arrived, and I just want to play with her and have a good time like we used to. She also misses spending time with me. We were just doing craft, and my husband was in the bedroom relaxing (he deserved it. We do 50/50 of everything on the weekends and I got to sleep a bit this morning). After 45 minutes of constant noise from my daughter, I had to go to the bedroom and had a bit of a breakdown. I feel like I’m being tortured. I am so overstimulated and I feel like booking a hotel with the baby to get away. And I feel awful for feeling this way, because there’s no ill intent. She’s just a happy girl, and happy to spend time with her mum, which she doesn’t get to do nearly as much as she used to. It used to be her and me. She was my little buddy and we loved spending time together. I love her so so much. I don’t know what to do. She goes to daycare during the week and I’m on maternity leave, so I’m home with baby, so it’s mostly the weekends that are a struggle. I feel like a terrible mum for not being able to just suck it up. I have loop earplugs to help with some of the noise, but it doesn’t help at all. Sorry for the rant and I know it’s a bit all over the place. Any advice would be appreciated.

One of my worst, & most embarrassing, executive dysfunctions is how long it takes me to change my sheets. I always have multiple sets so I don’t have to have a sheetless bed, but I always find myself only doing it once every 2-3 months. I finally did it today tho!

I honestly feel like a weight has been lifted now that I know I am capable of doing well, it just hasn't been in the right format for me before this. Essays make me freeze up and they give me so much anxiety, this solution is so amazing!! So simple. One question at a time.

My friends were comforting me the other day and I revealed something about myself, and I already told them in exact detail. Like I think that’s so funny but also sad. My mom (she is undiagnosed but man she would be a great case study) has done this too. Like she will say “okay I’m going to tell you something I’ve never said before” me “oh is it xyz” her “WHO TOLD YOU THAT” me “YOU”

I need to stop hyperfixating on the news, and I doubt I'm the only one. I need something novel to think about so I actually do something with my time other than stare at my phone on the couch like a lump all day. I would love to hear what's giving you joy right now - hobbies, books, media, fun facts, anything. Infodump away. What's giving you that emotional regulation juice?

I’m spending 8 hours a day on my phone and I need to stop. It makes me feel shitty and anxious but it’s like a quick dopamine hit to open Facebook or Instagram or Reddit. What other quick dopamine hit have you replaced it with that has worked?

I (30F) have a crush on my coworker (31M). We both have long term partners, so i really don’t want this to get out of hand.

It started with him being noticeably nicer to/more nervous around me than other people. i thought he might have a crush on me too, but i can never be sure because he’s hard to read. he is constantly trying to talk to me, remembering things i said long ago, and going out of his way for me, but he’s also kind of a strange guy.

Also, and I hate this about myself, but im sooo prone to developing crushes. I have never cheated on my partner, but I know im addicted to the dopamine i get when i know someone likes me. I both really want to stop it (for the sake of my future happiness and relationship) and keeping it going (because it makes me feel good). ive been like this since puberty and it has never gone away.

Most times i have a crush on someone, once i take the time to actually get to know them i usually realize that i don’t have real feelings for the person and it goes away. however, the more i get to know this person at work, the more this crush grows.

The others times that ive had a crush (before this relationship) on someone that wont go away, the only solution i have found has been to tell the person and get it off my chest. let the chips fall where they may, basically. if they reciprocate, awesome, but if not, the rejection leads to some sort of catharsis. But I cannot tell if this is a good idea in this situation where we both have partners i want to be respectful of.

If I do that this conversation with my coworker, I would want to make it clear to him that i dont want to fuck with his relationship nor mine, i just want to address my feelings so that i can get over him and stop feeling guilty that im thinking about someone i shouldn’t be.

Does anyone have experience with this? does this sound like a bad idea? if so, what would you do? i can’t just “stop interacting with him” nor can i turn off my brain. we work in retail so our workplace is extremely informal. there’s no “keeping it professional” because everyone is truly casual. i can’t control the urge for the dopamine hit, as much as i wish i could.

I’m so frustrated by this and feel guilty, so please be empathetic. i have seen a lot of other posts about this topic (on other subs) where OP will get chewed out for emotional cheating or being a bad partner. that kind of thing doesn’t help me get over it, unfortunately. i also don’t think i should be having these feelings i promise!! i just want to be responsible. thanks in advance for any help.

TLDR: I am addicted to the dopamine hit i feel when i have a crush or think someone could like me; i have a crush on my coworker (we both are in LT relationships); i want to know what the best course of action is

I'm 28 with combined type ADHD and I've never lasted more than 8 months in a job except my last one which I left after a year due to severe burnout.

I lost 20 lbs, have bald spots from hair loss due to stress, and I was constantly in flight mode. I am pretty sure I have PTSD. The environment was extremely toxic and high pressure but honestly burnout has followed me everywhere…

I am trying to figure out my next steps and I'm realizing that I need work that aligns with my values/interests and lets me be creative and not masks as much, otherwise I spiral. But even when I find work I care about I still end up burnt out from giving too much or from systems that aren't built for neurodivergent folks….

I've worked in non profits, student services and public service. I loved supporting people one on one but the environments, emails, meetings, corporate etiquette, people micromanaging me and telling me what to do AND cubicles drained me.

Career quizzes always tell me I need to be in a helper role, and also need to be in a place that welcomes creativity and allows me autonomy but I don't know what that actually looks like in practice.

I'm doing my best to figure it out but I cry every day. I feel behind and frustrated and like I'm failing at being an adult.

I want to find a job that works with my ADHD not against it.

If you have similar experience as me and you’re happy, what do you do?

How have you made it work?

What careers or roles have actually felt sustainable for you?

Do you work in a field that you’re passionate about or that aligns with your values/interests?

I know.. lots of questions. Just looking for validation or any form of advice.

Sending love xx

I’m trying to be better for my kids and not turn into my parents (specifically my mother, my father was emotionally unavailable for the most part). I love them to death but in hindsight, I realized that I was raised in a shame-filled childhood and still have the same dynamic with my parents today. Everything is met with criticism, even if they don’t mean any malice.

TW: probably ableism, quite a bit of shouting at children

OK, ladies. I'm not sure you'll be able to help me with this, but you are by far the best ADHD community on the internet so I feel comfortable asking here.

My son and my husband both have severe ADHD and are most likely on the spectrum. My husband (38M, I'm going to call him Mark) grew up in a authoritarian dad / permissive mom household and was untreated until he was in his mid-thirties. He's trying to do better than his parents, and he's doing a really good job. But there are some things he has trouble reacting to calmly.

My son (10.5M, I'll call him Luke) was diagnosed with ADHD at 5 when his kindergarten teacher noticed that he needed to be in a completely quiet room by himself in order to do anything. In his Montessori classroom, he would sit in the middle of the room and stare, either at the work packet they gave him or at the other students. After several years I've come to realize that his version of a meltdown is to "check out." He is only internally motivated, and has a difficult time expressing what the problem is. I'm also pretty sure he's in PDA burnout, but I think that's a different issue.

I also have ADHD and GAD, but I have the role of NT in our house. That usually means reminding everyone not to be an a*hole and trying to set us all up for success.

OK. Now to the problem. Mark likes to keep candy, treats, ice cream, and snacks on hand, and seems to have an internal limit on "acceptable daily consumption." Luke "steals" these things by not only eating "more than his share," but by taking them without asking. Mark then loses his temper, and will shout (usually along the lines of "This is unacceptable! I've told you this is unacceptable and I am livid!") It can be especially bad when Mark has "saved the best for last" on a personal treat and Luke takes it and eats it anyway.

I have tried SO MANY THINGS to set Luke up for success here. We've tried pre-portioning to make sure everyone knows what their share is. We keep Mark-only treats in our bedroom. When Luke showed a pattern of going into our bedroom and taking them anyway, we got a lock for our door (it's an electric fingerprint lock so we don't have to worry about a key because ADHD). I have reminder labels on shelves and on the freezer saying "ask first." I have a snack bin on the outside of the pantry that I do my best to keep full of approved snacks. I may not do these things perfectly, but I am trying SO HARD.

Nothing seems to work. NT people will often say, "Just don't keep those things in your house" but then all of us suffer. I have talked to Luke several times about it. I have tried to have him empathize, even reminding him of when he's been upset about something of his being taken by a friend or sibling. He says all the right things; he apologizes. Then two weeks later it happens all over again.

I read a post a while back from an ADHDer traumatized by always being called a thief in his own home. I hate the thought that Mark is doing that to Luke! But I legitimately don't know what I can do to fix this!

TL;DR: Son seems to lack self control and eats dad's snacks. Dad flips out and treats him like a thief. Son acknowledges "the rules." Cycle repeats. Mom dies a little inside each time.

Have any of you gone through anything similar? Do you have any recommendations?

Edit to answer some of the questions:

*Luke does not eat himself sick, and it's not even always "unhealthy" things. Today's installment was a Costco-sized bag of frozen raspberries.

*The locked doorknob is working well, but I don't have a full freezer or fridge in my room, so it's hard to get everything

*Luke doesn't respond consistently to "punishment" (taking away privileges, etc) or rewards. Unlike his sister, who thrives in a token economy, he doesn't seem to have any external motivators at all. At least none that stick around more than a one-time thing.

*speaking of his sister, if it was just me, Mark, and Luke I would agree with just keeping the "special" stuff out of the house, but with "Leia" around it seems unfair

Based on the responses, I feel like I'm on the right track. Mark is already working on not having so many "rules" to get upset over. I'll probably facilitate a conversation between the two of them about expectations (for both of them) and buy a locking freezer. 🙄

Edit 2: I remembered a key point that I neglected in my original post. Every time Mark shouts, there is a "repair" between him and Luke. Mark apologizes because he knows that his response was inappropriate. I believe that a relationship is only as strong as the repair, and so Mark and I have always owned our bad behavior and told the kids that we're learning and doing our best, too. It's not perfect and we still deal with a lot of stuff, but we're (all four) doing the best we can with the skills and capacity we have at the time.

25F, and feeling taken aback. I started attending talk therapy about a month ago for generalized anxiety. Our first session she mentioned I should get tested for ADHD as many of my symptoms fit, so I scheduled an appt which was yesterday. My doctor was so incredibly nice and the conversation was about 45 min of me talking about my concerns/struggles/symptoms, and her affirming that it was in fact a very common symptom of ADHD. She described the story of my childhood without even knowing me. By the end of our appointment (telemedicine), I had a prescription for adderall. This all just seemed so fast and simple? I envisioned months of appts and tests, and am left doubting my diagnosis as a result. Has this been anyone else’s experience?

I'm 43, was diagnosed in February and started Vyvanse, have lived in a 1300 sq foot house with my husband (and later son) for 20 years. Over the past few weeks, I started purging and cleaning. These bags are filled with books, clothes, kitchen stuff, and toys which were picked up for donation this morning! (Plus there's been a lot of garbage and recycling too.)

Judging from some of the stuff in my nightstand and under my bed it had been a solid decade since I last cleaned my room and it was not thoroughly done then. My husband has been patient and tolerant of this, but I know it's been getting to him the more things accumulated.

I'm a little emotional that I'm getting all this stuff done. I can get into my bed without climbing over piles of clothes. I see FLOOR.

I am 42, I have to watch my lipid panels and my sugar levels. I got diagnosed two months ago and had my refill on Friday. The pharmacy said they won’t fill it until Monday, I am too nervous and new to this to question it so I just let it be but that also meant I went without my meds for two days.. I was doing okay I guess besides feeling like total crap and all over the place but my hunger hit me like a ton of bricks.

I went to an all you can eat Chinese buffet and got take out and I filled up that take out box to its limit. I cut my eating down a lot and was losing weight while medicated but I couldn’t stop myself, I felt the hunger of a 1000 dead souls.

I feel absolutely ashamed and grossed out over myself. I haven’t eaten like that in over a year. I’ve maintained a good diet and everything since I got my blood work back that said my lipid panels were high.

Why do they make you wait until 32 days to refill it?

So I have two problems:

1) I have a lot of sensory overload and I only feel comfortable with certain textures / PJs I have. I either get too smothered by certain fabrics and I go to my overworn, breathable, cotton soft, light PJs and they are begging to be retired, multiple holes in them, stains that will never come out, lost shape years ago, but only texture I feel comfortable in OR I feel too cold and go to my fleece PJ pants, wool socks I wear half way on my feet (my ankles get too hot?), pull my pants all the way up to my belly, with wear a weird second layer on my tshirt.

Combine it with a messy bun, and now I realize I have been showing complete disregard on how I look at home and it’s not really eye candy for anyone.

Does anyone have tips for staying comfortable while looking like they have a little bit of self respect?

2) Let’s say I ditch my good old comfy clothes that are stained or imperfections. That is not just my PJs and tshirts, that is 90% of my closet. No matter what I wear, there appears to be a new stain on the first, or second wear. I either spill a drink (poor hand eye coordination), get oil splashes while cooking, have my cats paw leave a mark… There is no clothing I can keep in mint condition. Am I supposed to just get rid of them and keep buying new? I have been saving tshirts like that for home wear or for walks or for wearing under a sweatshirt or something.

I think it would be irresponsible to ditch all my stained clothes especially because I WFH but it does impact my mood and self esteem.

My brain jumps from hyper fixations and it's so hard for me to actually settle down in a community. People don't like my changing interests, or other ADHD issues. I've gotten so lonely as a result, because of this.

So how do I find a community? I need a social life, but this is very difficult and I've always had issues making friends

It's not an embarrassment. It's not a sign of depression, burnout, or uncontrolled ADHD.

It's a piece of our home decor. It's a fun conversation piece. It's our CHOICE.

Literally this. On the kitchen floor. Husband asked me to clean the attic for the billionth time. He’s outside doing yard work. I’m doom scrolling and feeling hopeless. I was diagnosed when I was 33 and we were dating. I’m 40 now. I didn’t tell him about my diagnosis until a couple years ago because I was so ashamed and maybe because I knew he wouldn’t take it seriously. He’s a middle school teacher and sees kids with IEPs for ADHD all the time. Whatever, I can’t speak to his experience with ADHD kids or our fucked up education system, but it hurts that he’s never bothered to try to understand my ADHD or how we could adapt to make it easier for me to do the things that, when I don’t do them —like cleaning the FUCKING ATTIC— drive him insane. I haven’t bothered to push him on this issue because 1. When I’ve sent him resources to read or brought it up, he’s dismissive and 2. I’m tired and for the most part I mask well. I have a demanding job and am a high performer. He gets into the, “but you’re good at XYZ, why can’t you be good at cleaning?” And he does 80% of the cleaning and organizing, which isn’t fair… I want to be a better partner in that regard. I feel like I could be with a little help! A while back I was reading “How to Keep House While Drowning” which I actually found very uplifting and empowering. I told him about some of the suggestions from the book and he literally made fun of the author and the book’s presumed audience. Said that it was just something the author wrote to feel better about herself and it gave the readers and excuses to be “slobs”. He was ~just joking~ of course. One of the most hurtful things he’s said to me. Since then I really don’t bother sharing my struggles or my attempts to do better with him. Don’t worry, I know what a massive red flag that is. We’re in couples therapy and I’m weighing my options. It’s just so fucking sad, you know? It doesn’t have to be this hard. We could be a team. I don’t understand his unwillingness to have empathy or sympathy or do some basic reading. Like, why?

I feel like I can tackle the attic now so thanks for listening.

I’m having a problem where I start a cool new hobby and I’m loving it for a couple days, but once I tell someone I started the hobby, I lose interest immediately. It's happened with multiple crafty projects, like trying sewing. I'm trying to figure out why it's happening - maybe there's subconscious "too much pressure" once I share it? But I want to be able to share my joy without being worried I’m gonna give that hobby up right after. I know there's positive benefits to keeping little goals to yourself, and maybe this is something I just need to not share. It feels so weird that it happens at all though! Has anyone else struggled with this?

i've never really understood how to handle it or how to overcome it. how/what do you do to help yourself during these moments? how do you overcome it?

I’ve been wondering if other people with ADHd also struggle with chronic pain? I’ve had this problem my whole life and I’m currently medicated for a few things. But one thing I’ve noticed is that it feels significantly worse when I don’t take my medications. Like the pain intensifies. Can anyone else relate?

I've been trying to use more kind words and generally put people at ease, but thanking artists for their work has been one of my favorite things to do recently 😅

I'm not asking for anything, and I'm not really trying to be friends or chat, but I just let them know I've been enjoying a thing they made! (So also no need to feel awkward about asking for shit or stress about following up)

I finished an audiobook a while back and it made me cry bc it was phenomenal, so I contacted the author/narrator to share my appreciation! Earlier this week, I sent an IG message to an artist I've been playing on repeat lately. She only has 2k followers on IG (which shocked tf outta me), and she actually responded to let me know she appreciated it!

Letting artists know you're just enjoying their work can absolutely go unnoticed in all the noise, but you never know! There's not really a downside in just saying thanks 🤷‍♀️🖤 it doesn't cost anything, either. Sometimes it makes all the difference in the world to them though, and the thought of that gives me warm fuzzies ☺️

I know the "have you JUST tried a new journal" type advice is (rightly) maligned here, but I am also one of the people for whom a bullet journal has become a very important tool. I usually keep the most recent journal on hand for a while after I've finished it, and I decided to number it and it's previous buddy and shelve them both with the collection because that's a non-urgent job that's been hanging around for the last two to six months. And I realized that I'm up to 30! For those who can't read my handwriting, the oldest goes back to November 2017, and I usually get about 3 months out of a journal.

(There's a gap on the shelf from where I pulled out my campaign notes from a D&D game that went on hiatus over a year ago and is maybe coming back now that the DM's baby is bigger. Being able to look stuff up from multiple years ago is very rarely useful but is incredible whenever it does come up)

Four baskets - I have four baskets of dirty laundry, three that needed to be folded and put away. And one in the dryer to fold and put away.

And then, I’ll try and get caught up - for which I will then get almost through, but not, and the whole thing starts all over.

And SOCKS! They go in the basket together? Why don’t they come out together? Why do my toddler’s and husband socks never have mates? I hate socks - I tend to not wear them unless I’m wearing sneakers because I don’t want to have to deal with them.

I feel like a crazy person.