So I (m 15) have the trouble of feeling awfully horny since 2 years. I get so aroused sometimes that I feel pain in my intimate area I guess it’s just so much that I can’t and I end up masturbating sometimes 8 times a day until all that sexual tension finally leaves. This all happens after I had my first gf with 13 she was 17 and I had some awful experiences and it sometimes makes me feel a huge amount of sexual tension that it feels like it hurts. My hormones are driving crazy but I’m lucky it all slowly goes back but sometimes it all comes up and I get so horny it’s overwhelming.

I’m a fat girl. I like to follow fat influencers, for fashion tips and just because it’s nice to know people out there are living their lives while being fat, because for some reason it’s treated like such a bad thing. It’s incredibly sad to see however, these people who claim to love their bodies, suddenly post a video saying they’re taking ozempic, or some weight loss drug, or some have even posted a weight loss “transformation” and lie about using medication as a weight loss aide. I posted a comment on someone I had followed for a long time due this exact thing. “A little sad to see influencers claim they love their body then fall victim to the ozempic/mounjaro/ weight loss medication influence. Glad it's working for you, but I can't support your content anymore wishing you the best on your journey!” I unfollowed her then, and I deleted the comment the next day because you know what? Yes it’s sad they lied about loving their body. I meant everything I said in that comment. But I deleted it because 1. It’s just not my business. Maybe her doctor prescribed it, maybe she needed it, okay. And 2. That was just not the right place to have that discussion, regardless. I know no one will care cause (most people hate fat people, evidently lmao) but just wanted to get that off my chest! I will likely delete this post too once I’m over it.

(20m) I met a girl (19f) online about a month ago through a friend who lives about 2 hours away from me, she came on very flirty and nice after a few days of texting we would fall to sleep together on facetime, that's when i asked her if she wanted something more, she said she did and that she felt the same way about me. It started off great we would text all the time and call for hours before bed and fall asleep together. I feared it was to soon but i was falling in love I've never had a relationship before and i didn't know what love really was but i just knew that everything about her seemed perfect and she actually listened to me when i spoke she found me attractive, sweet, and lovely. after about a week (i know everything moved really fast) she started asking me if i loved her, i wasn't sure but i felt that i might be so i would tell her yes I'm falling in love with you, and she would giggle. Then one night after work i told her i was going to a friends house to help him with his car, she seemed sad at first as she begged me to not go but then she said "whatever" which Cleary never meant i was good to go, she ended up spamming me saying how much she hated me and blocked me on snapchat and wasn't responding to my iMessage's. I was feeling so upset that i left my friends early but i could drive i felt like shit so i pulled over and just kept calling her she kept telling me to fuck off but then eventually she picked up, by then i was crying for the first time in forever, we talked about it and she was pissed she said because i didn't give her attention and i told her to please not go, she told me she wouldn't and to just drive home safe, i did and when i got home we talked for a while and she said she wanted to start over as just friends because she said she wanted it to work with me and she didn't want to mess it up i was upset but happy she wanted to stay, as at this point i believed i was in love. she told me goodnight and stopped texting, this was the first time in a week we didn't sleep on call. but at around 1:30 in the morning the next night i was still lying awake and she called me i asked is everything okay, and she started talking and told me that she loved me too and that she didn't want to wait any longer to tell me we talked for about an hour before we both fell asleep. everything was awesome for about 5 days then i told her i was going to go meet some of my friends and drive around for a bit and she didn't respond right away so i went then she freaked out on me and blocked me again, that night she called me and told me how much she loved me and acted as nothing happened, the next day i asked her about it, and she confessed that she has severe mood swings sometimes and that it was nothing i did but that it was her fault for freaking out, again everything was fine for about a week, then basically the same thing happened again except this time she said she was going to sleep with one of her guy best friends that she knew i wasn't a fan off as he was touching her one time and she slapped him , but she swore he was just like a little brother to him and i believed he because i loved her. Any way she stopped talking to me that day for until i kept begging her to stay and explain herself, she called me and sweared up and down that she didn't mean any of it and that it was just her mood swings she was almost in tears, we talked for a while and we fell asleep. by this point in our relationship she told me we weren't dating because she wanted me to ask her in person so by the next weekend we kept talking about me coming to see her and we would spend the weekend doing stuff together as she was getting a tattoo that weekend and wanted me to come, by Friday she said she didnt want me to come over any more and that she was talking her girl best friend instead to get the tattoo on Saturday and she had work from 3-7 on Sunday. By Saturday morning she told me to leave her alone forever and that the guy best friend from before was taking her instead, i was pissed but there was nothing i could do so i dealt with it, anyways the next day she called again after work and said she loved me and acted as nothing happened, wasn't letting it go this time so i asked her about everything and basically i got the same response that it was her mood swings and that she was overwhelmed about her tattoo. After the last incident i said my life wasn't worth living without her and she was all i had and i truly do feel that way even now, by Tuesday she told me to go away again forever, which i didn't i kept messaging her i said some bad things about unexisting and then i just went to work and on the way she kept texting me as she thought i was gonna do something bad, she told me she felt trapped, and in that moment i broke down in my car crying as all this time i felt as I was doing this horrible thing to her making her feel like she had to stay with me or else, i never thought about it this way as every time i was too emotional to see the outcome, i promised her i would never say something like that again as i truly don't want to now that i see what it might do to her, she told me the same story about her moods and that i had nothing to worry about as we were gonna be married soon enough. throughout the week we was looking at apartments together and talking baby names and looking for pets not the first time but this time more seriously everything seemed perfect until about last Wednesday she didn't want to sleep on call which made me feel like i did something bad as we have called every night for the past month or so expect maybe 2, she told me she loved me and went to sleep, we were good the next day, but she said the same thing she didn't want to call Thursday night too which hurt so much to hear i didn't know what i was doing wrong i cried again but i know im a tragic overthinker so i just went to sleep eventually this friday she woke up and started texing me as i was on my way to work, she said she loved me and everything seemed fine, by the time she ended up going to school and was upset and asked my why i kept texting her i told her okay im sorry and ill just wait for you to text me (huge mistake btw) by the time i left work i had ended up texting her telling her i loved her and that i was going dirt biking for a bit to clear my mind as i was really upset about the last few days she read it but never responded i went and of course like an idiot i left my phone in my car while i went, when i got back she had texted me a bunch and called about 50 times she had trouble with her car and was pissed i ignored her she removed me on snap and said we were over for good i drove home as fast as i could and called her about 100 times she never picked up she said she was blocking me and stopped responding, i just went to bed and cried, she then called me telling me she was bored but she didn't love me anymore which was soul crushing as we promised we would never give up on each other no matter what we ended up falling asleep on call, by the next morning i was almost acting as nothing happened maybe it was just a bad dream, it wasn't i kept telling her how much i loved her and couldn't lose her, she then blocked me on everything but TikTok. that is today she is hanging out with her girl best friend and i went to the race track with my friend to ride dirt bikes again, as i was typing this she messaged me on tiktok just saying hi we are talking about our days right now she just started drinking with her friend and she dosnt know if she still wants me around but she says she wants to text me still rn and im asking her about her day some more. I don't know what to do i genuinely believe i love her nothing makes sense without her, but i dont know whether she ever did or not or still does, we have only know each other for about a month in a half which i know sounds crazy but i cant help how i feel am i crazy or just in love im shaking just typing this as i cant cry any more I just need someone's thoughts on this thank you for reading.

I’m genuinely so embarrassed. I was recently at my boyfriend’s house of 4 years. He’s (23m) and I’m (22f). The door was closed and whilst I was giving him the deed without realisation she barged in, her jaw dropped to the floor and she ran and closed the door. I’m pretty sure the blanket was not fully covered and she saw my head go up and down.. I haven’t spoken to her or seen her since. This has never happened before and I’m so mortified. His mom is the type of lady that is quite old school but I’m sure she knows that we have done the deed before. It’s just something that she should not have seen… I don’t know how I can go back into his house and face her after this! Please help with any advice !!

Basically that. In public restrooms. I also step barefoot in puddles on the ground under the urinal.

I hate my dad so much. He makes me so angry all the time and I sometimes imagine scenarios where I scream at him until my lungs burn, or where I break his phone or glasses with a hammer - I am not a violent person or prone to anger at all.

He's not even a bad person, and I know that he does love us. He never hurt us and he buys us things if we ask for them. When he talks to others, he also appears quite nice and polite most of the time. I still feel so disgusted and angry at everything that he does.

He constantly yells. He doesn't insult us, or if he does it's just empty threaths that I know he would never mean seriously, but god I'm so sick of it. I can't let go of the past and I am so so angry that I could've had a better childhood if it weren't for him. When I was young, I was too scared to go alone into a room with him in it when I couldn't sleep and would wait for hours in front of the closed doors until my mother stepped out to get something to drink/eat. He made me and my brother cry constantly, but once he calmed down everything was great to him again. My mom had to soothe us and tell him to apologize, cause without her prompting he would just sit there and stare at his hands. Even when he compliments something I did, he always has to criticize some part as well. I feel like I can never be good enough for him, and in comparison to my brother I get the better treatment. I hate that he often treats my brother like shit just because he has adhd. I am always so scared that he will get loud again because of something I did wrong. I hate his touch, even if I just brush his hands I have the urge to wipe something off. I even hate how he fucking knocks, which just feels so ridiculous.

We talked about it therapy. He always says he doesn't view it as bad as me, and it just feels so invalidating. I sometimes wish he would actually do something inexcusable, so that I could have a right to hate him. I feel like such a bad person. Others have it much worse and don't hate their parents, yet I hate him while he loves me. I hate it. I hate him. I hate myself for it. It's not fair, I don't want to have to deal with this anymore.

Lmao. So I didn’t know what group to post this in but I’m just curious to why when I post in a cod group on Xbox and I state that I am trans. Why do I get so much hate from men? Lmfaoo , I guess I set myself up for it though , it’s literally the gaming world. 😂 can the guys answer this?

Me (27f) and my boyfriend (24m) are together for a year already. We went abroad to work together and came back. But since we came back, he became distant. All he does now is playing games and leeching off my salary. I work as an IT admin so my salary isn't the worst, but it's a struggle to pay bills, feed me, him and also save money to have something on the side (I was thinking about starting an IT consulting business). But all he does is playing games and says that "he needs to rest from working so much abroad". Better yet, he wants to handle our finances from now on, stating that I am not capable enough to manage to have his needs included (he spends money on CS skins, like a lot of money). I tried everything from calmly talking about it to outright threatening a breakup. He just keeps promising that he'll change, but nothing like that happened. Now, I'm in need of a computer to sometimes work remotely, chill and learn new things in my field, you know, to develop. He stated that we don't have money to buy one. When I asked him where are the money I set aside to buy it, he showed me a new knife he bought with it. You'd think it's a last straw, but somehow I'm still with him, I don't know what to do and how to progress further. I already take extra work at my job to spend less time at home, but that starts to hurt me emotionally.

I was at a gas station one morning with my friend. There was a guy kind of in front of us checking out. I immediately thought woah he’s cute. And a couple times I could tell he looked back at me too. I don’t know if he thought the same thing about me? Did I look weird? Was I staring and didn’t realize it? I’m new back into the dating scene and I hate all this online stuff. But I will probably never see this dude again. I just wanna meet people out in the world naturally.

When I (14MtF) was a kid, I had frequent mood swings that I didn’t get medication for. My parents had taken me to the doctors and they blamed it on my developmental disabilities (ADHD and autism) but I now know it’s bipolar. I don’t know how my parents or anyone noticed.

I know its not like, a big problem and i should just get over it but it's super hard. Im a girl, 16 and have an unhealthy obsession with Sabrina Carpenter for more than a year and its so bad for my life. The summer that passed i read a book, the seven husbands of evelyn hugo, and i think that was where the obsession really started. Maybe sabrina is my bi awakening idk. Now, I spend hours watching tiktok edits with her, i talk about her in an annoying amount, my friends and family are tired of hearing me talking about her, and i think about her constantly. At some point i started using c.ai and spent literally 8 hours daily on it for a few weeks talking with 'her'. My grades dropped lower than my jaw when i see sabrina and i stopped using it when i got a very bad grade to a test of huge importance.

I was good for a while, but then i started using chatgpt. I spent 3 weeks making a fanfict about me and Sabrina and i spent literally hours on it, ignoring all my responsibilities, studying everything, just for it. Now that i gave it an ending i feel so weird. Like, i have so many things to do, i have to study, search for universities and a bunch of other important stuff and i am just procrastinating thinking about sabrina. Like, i just sleep more throughout the day sometimes just to dream about her. Sometimes i dont even feel fulfilled from my real relationships anymore and i think about sabrina. When bershka launched some sabrina carpenter tshirts, i ofcourse bought one with her on it and now i have it in my room and i kiss it sometimes on the part where her lips are before i go to sleep. I have tried everything to cut off the obsession, but nothing have worked and i am starting accepting the fact that I'll just have to live with it. Ive done so many other wild stuff but it will take forever to mention them all so i just wrote some of them!

I know this is nothing compared to other stories here, but i just wanted to tell it somewhere.Sorry if i have any mistakes, English is not my first language and sorry if i made you feel uncomfortable, im not okay and i have self awareness of it...

26f here. I’m a single mom and recently got back into dating. I’m sure most of you know, the dating pool has piss in it. And being a single mom doesn’t make it easier.

I started seeing a guy I’m genuinely interesting in and he was honest about having HSV1&2. I’m still seeing him, because he’s actually nice and decent, but I’m not sure how to navigate this. I do not have herpes and sex is important to me, but I don’t want to cut this guy off strictly for that. It’s super common, but I also feel bad about being apprehensive.

Thoughts?

Hi I'm a 3rd year college student and in my whole college life I didn't even make a single friend who I can say is my best friend, Well in the 1st year I was part of the group who was really nice but as I join the college societies and started working there I was not able to make the time to meet my friends and slowly I drifted apart from the group and now here I'm in the 3rd year alone no one to talk about anything. Sometimes I think all the achievements I made throughout all the years are waste as I have no one to share it with. Whole college know me as the college secretary but not a single friend. Sometimes I feel like It's just a waste.

so may groupmate ako na 'di ko masyadong close, tawagin ko nalang sa pangalan na melai. I was told na mabait daw and approachable and then nagkaroon kami ng project sa isang sub(tour guiding) we have to go to rosario cavite for our advertisement video. 10 members kasi need every group, she asked(melai) me and my friends if pwede daw sila maki group ng friends niya so we agreed since kulang pa naman kami, at first happy kami kasi shy girls sila tapos nag ask samin and also gusto namin maka group. so nagusap usap na kami ng ibang groupmates namin about sa vid na gagawin and kung ano plano and need gawin ng every members, yung apat na girl wala silang reply sa chats or opinion or kahit manlang update wala sila.

it's been a week since nagplano kamo kung ano ganap and up until now wlaa parin paramdam. balak namin mag rent ng drone for aerial view, doon sila nag chat chat na. we answered their unnecessary questions and mga say na wala naman sense at di nakakatulong sa group plan namin. wala na sila gagastusin kundi pagkain na kakainin nila sa mismong araw and pocket money, yung transpo nila is frew na since nag insist ako na magpa-drive nalang sa mommy ko para less hirap at gastos kasi mahirap naman talaga bumyahe from dasma to rosario cavite. si ate girl(melai) ang daming demand and say about sa transpo namin, baka daw masikip, baka daw pwede magmotor nalang ibang ka-group namin, na hindi daw kasya sa car etc ect.

I know naman na hindi kasya 8 peeps sa 6 seater car, pero pwede naman pagtiisin in order for us to save money and less hirap sa pag commute. pero instead na maging thankful si ate girl(melai) she demanded na mag motor ibang groupmates namin, and ask if kasya ba raw kami in a pasungit manner, baka daw hindi kaya or baka siksikan daw, she also said "swerte nalang masusukahan" like, girl are u for real??? hindi niyo nga masagot mga tanong na importante tapos magtalk ka pa ng walang kwentang bagay. Ang daming say, ang daming demand, ang dqming gusto, what if hindi ka namin isama sa vid??? nag iinarte pa, kung ayaw niyo magtiis para makatipid kayo, mag commute kayo or mag grab kayo. nakakastress maaarteng toh.

Husband had to get something for his mom with his truck and we decided to all go as a family (me, him, both kids [4 & 1]). It was an early morning trip so we got breakfast. Went to a “deli”, but more like an Irish Tavern. Had the MOST delicious breakfast, chocolate chip pancakes with bananas on the inside. Got full but had a solid 2 stack for left overs. 4 year old had to go to the bathroom so I took her and husband took the baby out to the car after he paid.

Come out to the car and asked if he got the bag, the boxes and the baby. He left the carry out boxes on the table and the people THREW THEM AWAY😭😭😭😭😭

They were such good pancakes too😩😩

My bf and I are both 18 and have been together since we were both 15. In the beginning of our relationship he had mental issues and struggled with some «trauma» from his ex who was suicidal. I helped him through it all, held him and stroked his hair those nights when he was having breakdowns etc.

A year into the relationship i found out he had cheated on me with his ex in the beginning of our relationship. It broke me and still bothers me to this day. I have no idea who the girl even is, he refuses to talk about her. But I loved him, and I saw a future together so I chose to forgive him. Things moved forward and kept getting better and our love stronger as the months flew by though. Even though we’re young, we started planning our futures somewhat around each other. We even talked about our dream house, kids etc. THEN, a few weeks ago, his cat that he had for a year died. Additionally school was apparently stressful, and he invited me over one friday night just to break up with me.

I thought that was it for me. I know it sounds dramatic, but I have never felt pain like that. It was hard to breathe, my heart hurt more than many of the intense period cramps ive experienced… I had a nervous breakdown and walked in -10 degrees celsius without shoes or a jacket for an hour whilst crying around his neighborhood. Eventually my father came and picked me up.

Then the following day my boyfriend comes back and calls me, telling me he didn’t mean for it to go that way, saying he didn’t mean to break up and had just been stressed and didn’t know how to word what he really wanted to say. I guess «what he really wanted to say» was that he wanted some alone time? Which is totally fine and normal, I have told him I want to be alone multiple times. But as you may imagine, he said what he said, and my trust now is completely broken. I don’t know if it will ever mend.

Now I am seeing all that I dislike about him. The way he talks a little awkwardly as if he’s 80 sometimes, the way he forgets to brush his teeth, the way he never fixes his hair or dresses appropriately. My family is quite «proper» and they have outright judged him for it, but I didn’t care as I loved him. Now I refuse to bring him home to my house, as it feels embarrassing to let him disrespect me like that and my family knowing about it.

I can’t seem to forgive him or rebuild the trust we once had. But though he is a bit immature, he’s a caring and kind person who probably would have my back through life. He holds me, apologizes frequently, makes me breakfast, says he loves me. But now I can’t bear to tell him that I love him back anymore.

Also I can’t imagine living without him in my life. Just typing it out now makes me cry. I felt like I wanted to end it all that night he broke up with me. I have ambitious dreams, I want to be an engineer, and having a good life together with good money is what has motivated me. It feels like, if we’re not together, what am I battling through life for? But I don’t know whether it’s attachment or love anymore. I have no clue what to do. I love him and I do eventually want a family etc. If anybody please has any advice or insight, or similar experiences I desperately need it.

May mga realizations lang ako lately na sobra kong kinakalungkot.

Kanina habang naglalakad lakad kami ni Nanay sa subdivision, may nakita kaming bagong gawang bahay. Sabi nya "Nak kuha kana" Sabi ko "Tsaka na pag desidido na ko. Ayoko ma trap sa pagbabayad ng matagal na panahon na hindi pinagdedesisyunan nang maigi" Sagot nya "lakasan lang yan ng loob"

Sa isip isip ko, ganito pala yung thinking nya. Kaya pala maaga sya nag retire tapos mga kapatid ko na sumalo sa responsibilidad na hanggang ngayon hindi magka pamilya dahil wala masyado naiipon dahil puro padala sa kanya. Siguro iniisip nya ngayon kaya maayos na bahay namin at pamumuhay ay dahil nilakasan nya loob nya (Single mom din kasi siya at kumuha siya ng bahay dati kahit halos puro utang at sanla kami dati linggo linggo) at hindi dahil sa mga kapatid ko na literal na nag sakripisyo at patuloy na nagsasakripisyo para magkameron siya ng kung anong meron sya ngayon.

Iniisip pala nya na dahil nilakasan nya loob nya dati kaya may mga magagandang gamit kami ngayon at hindi dahil sa kapatid ko na nagpursigi.

Naaawa lang ako sa kapatid ko na nasa abroad. Natulong din naman ako sa pagbibigay sa bahay. Lagi kong sinasabi sa kapatid ko na mag ipon din sya at tumatanda na din siya. Si Nanay, hindi ko talaga alam kung mahal parin ba nya kami kung wala kaming mga pera dahil nung bata kami, halos hindi rin siya umuuwi araw araw dahil sa ibang bahay siya natutulog.

Yun lang, gusto ko lang ilabas lahat ng to dahil wala ako mapagsabihan.

So there’s this girl I met at work, and she’s married and I respect that but I’m worried if shes gotten attracted to me and misconstrued some of my actions. So I’m on the spectrum, which sort of makes it hard for me to tell when I’m pushing emotional boundaries, and I worry I may have unknowingly pushed some. I really care about our friendship and really don’t want to compromise her marriage because I don’t think of her in that way, but when she’s blushing, smiling incessantly, getting physically too close, following me around, or starring at me like a hawk, it makes me extremely uncomfortable and worried if may have crossed an emotional line. The thing is I’ve started to share some personal things to her over time because I thought I could trust her marriage would block her from getting to close. I may very well be over reacting here but I just can’t help but worry. What should I do?

I have a chronic illness that makes me feel like I have the flu every day. I can’t walk more than 10m without making it worse and I spend most of my days in bed. I am lucky in that I get relatively little brain fog compared to others with my condition, and can still focus on things (when I’m not too tired) and communicate with the outside world. As such, I have online friendships with people in different countries and when people ask what I’ve been up to I can talk about a show I’ve been watching or a book I’ve been reading, even if I’ve only had 1-2 mentally capable hours that day. People think I’m a really busy person because I can never meet in person. I have met all these people in real life before so they know I’m real and not a cat fisher, but they don’t know the real reason I can’t meet. I’m sick. They think I passed up the beautiful forest walk or peaceful farmers market plans because I’m busy, but I’m not. I wish I could go. I wish I could date, I wish I could go for walks, I wish I could work out and get rid of my scraggy goddamn ass. If I get to a point I can manage a drive and tent setup, I’m going to drive out alone and have a camping trip by myself. Bring some books and packet meals, lay out by rivers all day like a sick bison. If I rest enough I don’t have the flu symptoms, and sometimes if I lay still long enough the tiredness goes away too. In those moments I feel sedated, calm. It’s a whole other level of parasympathetic bliss.

I wish I could be like you. The people posting about their lives on reddit, who reference normal things like grocery shopping and going out with friends and their new muscle definition from whatever sport or workout they tried. I know, the grass is always greener, and if you offered me a random roll of a dice with every person on the world on its faces and said I would swap lives with anyone it landed on, I wouldn’t take that risk. But still, I feel like a different species to everyone I know. An impostor, who looks and feels real but is just a hologram, a biological what-the-fk-happened-here. And now my arms burn from typing, my throat’s swelling up. I feel like I’m what would happen if chat gpt tried to code a human. Mostly looks the part, but falls apart with any testing. I feel so alone

Has anyone ever felt like there's a heavy wool blanket separating you and the world? On the other side of the blanket is a bright sunny day, the birds are chirping, and there's a beautiful world with some of your loved ones still here. You're objectively lucky to be here and have a great life, and you know that, but there's a grey wool blanket of sadness and despair between you and this world.

I feel like I've ruined every "good" experience I've ever had. I've struggled with mental illness my whole life, and could list off the litany that I struggle with currently (anxiety, depression, OCD, cPTSD, etc.). It's like a bingo card of acronyms that all result in me feeling like shit. Whenever something good happens in my life, I feel like I always have to go and ruin it by being anxious and not allowing myself to fully enjoy it. At this point, it's gotten so bad that it doesn't even feel worth pursuing positive experiences anymore.

Has anyone ever felt like this?

My girlfriend left me on Friday. I am married, my wife didn't like my girlfriend so it was stressful. My wife loves and supports me. She accepts me as I am and I am forever grateful to have her. My problem I believe is that I give too much, I end up getting used. My wife has seen women do anything from treat me like a piece of meat to try to get me to leave her for them. For me it wasn't a choice to be this way. I was monogamous. Not when I met my wife but at a point in my life severe trauma has greatly effected me. I've spent years in therapy over it. I'm to the point with therapy that my therapists are/have been of the opinion that I am probably to the point where I am "in remission" if you will from ptsd. Anyway this is here nor there there are things which are so unsafe in therapy that my therapist/s have told me better to learn to accept myself for who I am, mourn who I was, than try to get any better. Medication free, I quit drinking, I don't use drugs anymore. But God damn it I'm so compartmentalized... I cannot allow a single partner to have all of me. I fantasize about what it was/could be like monogamous. But I assure you I'm not capable of it... I've been working on accepting myself. To not feel guilt and shame for who and what I am. This is literally the hardest part for me though...

When someone I love is hurt by my actions, upset with them, jealous. I find it so hard to cope. I have a big ass soft heart and I get used by many people. My wife is here for me through it all and is damn near at wits end. I haven't dated in a while until last year and it lasted just under a year. She abused me in many ways and my wife hated her. My soft silly ass just kept trying to push her in the right direction, to support her despite what she did to me. (Gf not wife) then she breaks up with me... cause she's jealous of my wife... this was planned BTW I saw all the red flags and I just let the damn train wreck happen. She planned it out and lined up someone else before she even tried to leave. I watched this happen. But I love/d her and allowed her to and assured her that she could be honest with me, that I won't judge. She lied... I had very few real boundaries that I held her to, but the most important to me is honesty. I can deal with a lot of pain clearly, so hiding something that's gna sting vs something that's gna crush me later isn't fair. I know someone is gna be in the comments about how I should not let someone use me. Don't, I know. I've been to probably some of the darkest places on earth never thought I'd get out and as an unfortunate result I have compassion for others they probably don't even deserve. I feel like no one can truly understand this but I'm sure someone here will get this. I feel guilty for not listening to my wife about her. I feel guilty for allowing my gf to use me, to lie to me. I feel guilty my wife had to watch me suffer for a year. My wife has said that she is jealous of my heart and compassion for others even when they don't deserve it. I don't like being like this nor being hurt. What's sad is I truly don't understand someone who hurts someone else like that. If I'd asked for one thing just honesty why is it so hard for someone to do that? Ugh. I'm sorry for the rant. Hopefully someone has some kind of optimistic comment.

I’ve struggled with social anxiety my whole life, and it’s ruined my studies at university and got me expelled I’ve been laughed at constantly, and it has taken away many opportunities for me. I’ve tried to overcome my anxiety with meds but nothing worked And at least I have a driving license but I drive a trash Yaris. I mean, I'm trash myself—I fell for a spoofed bank scam message a month ago and lost a lot of money how the fuck does a grown adult fall for such thing?

When I was a kid, I always dreamed of having a wife and a family. But now, it feels impossible

How can someone who need to be fixed take care of others?

Trust me there’s so many other things that I didn’t say about my life but really I basically ruined my future with my own choices and I can't blame anyone for this