r/wallstreetbets • u/s1n0d3utscht3k • Mar 03 '25

News Trump Officially Signs 20% Tariffs on China

https://www.barrons.com/news/trump-signs-order-for-20-tariff-on-china-w-house-d6fec57f
23.3k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

1.9k comments sorted by

View all comments

8.8k

u/Ninjamuh Mar 03 '25

Are we just putting stocks on a wheel and spinning to see where we’re throwing our puts now?

1.6k

u/JoeyMaconha Mar 03 '25

313

u/_meltchya__ Mar 03 '25

Bailout!!

Most prudent move is a bailout!!

46

u/Revelati123 Mar 04 '25

Give 10k in assorted random shitcoins provided to every man woman and child and backed by the full faith and credit of the US and the new Federal Shitcoin Reserve.

2

u/Ok_Condition5837 Mar 04 '25

Can he unilaterally do this without Congress? (I'm not sure what is genuine & what's just them hyping up some crypto)

2

u/Dozekar Mar 04 '25

Give 10k in assorted random shitcoins provided to every man woman and child and backed by the full faith and credit of the US and the new Federal Shitcoin Reserve.

Probably just 10k of the coins themselves not 10k IN the coins. so more like 3.50

2

u/sealpox Mar 04 '25

Give me one gorillion fartcoin!!!!!!

1

u/Key-Banana-8242 Mar 05 '25

Sans shutdown would be good, pretty good amount, savings/invesmtbe

But issues with it intenrtaiobal supply

9

u/tonski12 GME deez nutz Mar 03 '25

Thank you lol. My head was starting to hurt trying to remember where I’ve seen this

7

u/JoeyMaconha Mar 03 '25

Too bad GIFs are not allowed. The headless chicken is the cherry on top

1

u/ARatOnPC Mar 04 '25

With the kazoo audio lol

4

u/Desperate_Concern977 Mar 04 '25

The Go To War option should've been way better.

3

u/ManBearPig_1983 Mar 04 '25

Indian Casinos!!! 🤣

3

u/cjamesflet Mar 04 '25

wacky kazoo tune

3

u/EjaculatingAracnids Mar 04 '25

Too unrealistic. The "print money" section is too small and "tax the rich" is too big, while "socialize" shouldnt even be on the board at all.

2

u/Many-Manufacturer-72 Mar 04 '25

The square for tax the rich is much smaller on the real one.

1.6k

u/Patient-Mulberry-659 Mar 03 '25

They behead a chicken and see where it lands 

636

u/553l8008 Mar 03 '25

Chicken died of bird flu mate

255

u/Outis7379 Mar 03 '25

Bird flu and measles will be deported and tariffs will be applied.

24

u/I_Hate_Traffic Mar 03 '25

Not enough we should build a wall to block birds from coming

10

u/Revelati123 Mar 04 '25

Don said America is getting Iron Dome.

Who knew he meant literaly a dome made of Iron?

4

u/mollila Mar 04 '25

Damn those immigrant rapist birds. I hear they eat our dogs also.

1

u/Outis7379 Mar 04 '25

We should eat those birds.

Mr. President, reactivate Colonel Sanders now!

6

u/weisumyungho Mar 03 '25

I love this fucking comment lmao

2

u/PizzaWhole9323 Mar 04 '25

Tariffs will be deported and bird flu and measles will be applied.

2

u/SlopTartWaffles Mar 04 '25

This is why I live in NJ and not Trumps US

3

u/GloryToAzov Mar 03 '25

and mangoführer will make Zelenskiy pay for that

2

u/Outis7379 Mar 04 '25

And Dreamy Trudeau.

1

u/[deleted] Mar 04 '25

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

5

u/rule-low Mar 03 '25

You mean "died with bird flu", right?

6

u/Trabi_rider Mar 03 '25

Maybe you can read something in a scrambled egg ... Oh wait fuck

1

u/FernandoMM1220 Mar 03 '25

that makes it easier to see where it landed

1

u/VoidOmatic Mar 03 '25

This got me good.

Just like it got the chicken.

1

u/Sea_Inevitable_3882 Mar 04 '25

Well that explains the lack of direction I suppose

1

u/ExileEden Mar 04 '25

You consult the bones bro. You always consult the bones.

1

u/CelticSith Mar 04 '25

At least you can still roll the bones for advice

1

u/Still-WFPB Mar 04 '25

Yes but did the bird flu reach a contagion level and hit the swine, so bullish on pork bellies my friend.

1

u/DefinitelyNotShazbot Mar 04 '25

Birds aren’t real, dawg.

1

u/ReasonablyBadass Mar 04 '25

Ah, pre-landed chicken. Very effective.

104

u/AbleEmphasis1518 Mar 03 '25

Arise Chicken! Chicken Arise!

39

u/Gold_Ticket_1970 Mar 03 '25

Totally not working Frylock

69

u/binglelemon Mar 03 '25 edited Mar 04 '25

Move over here...better reception.

ARISE CHICKEN ARISE!

7

u/Tevinter86 Mar 04 '25

YES! Sometimes I will randomly say this and Noone gets the reference!

6

u/BobbyFe Mar 04 '25

Don’t worry brother I also say this and no one understands Aths was fire sometimes

5

u/Ragnarok314159 Mar 04 '25

Finance is about the only place a necromancer could work without suspicion. Or being the most evil one in the building.

1

u/Ol_stinkler Mar 04 '25

Stick is... Upside down

26

u/tajrashae Mar 03 '25

oh, stick upside down. sorry. try, again.

arise chicken! arise !

8

u/TopSeaworthiness8066 Mar 03 '25

You guys never let me down.

24

u/Hockeythree_0 Mar 04 '25

Billywitchdoctor.com makes no guarantees 

7

u/Septopuss7 Mar 03 '25

"tonight...you..."

5

u/bigj8705 Mar 04 '25

Look I’m just trying to get chicken pot pie out of this.

3

u/ajmcwhirk Mar 04 '25

Mega chicken!!! Arise!

3

u/thecloudcities Mar 04 '25

No! He is legend!

3

u/-burgers Mar 04 '25

One convenient locations: Africa

2

u/sklountdraxxer Mar 04 '25

ri- rise chicken

2

u/New-Sky-9867 Mar 04 '25

It don't matter. None of this matters

1

u/ascarymoviereview Mar 04 '25

:) suddenly athf

57

u/SpaldingSmails Mar 03 '25

Due to eggflation, chicken will be blindfolded and spun on waxed wood floor and sent immediately back to laying chamber after prognosticating.

1

u/SayNoToBrooms Mar 04 '25

Well that’s progress at least, right??

79

u/OkInterest3109 Mar 03 '25

What if my chicken entrails says calls?

2

u/British_Rover Mar 03 '25

Believe it or not puts on calls inverse leverages 20x through BTC.

2

u/oinkyboinky Mar 04 '25

Go with your guts.

9

u/553l8008 Mar 03 '25

Get the kazoo

4

u/Maibor_Alzamy Mar 03 '25

if gifs were allowed i'd post the south park headless chicken fed joke

3

u/jollierumsha Mar 03 '25

The market is like that famous chicken that survived the beheading and was taken on a grotesque tour around America making that one dude money. Then it just suffocated one night in a hotel room after he fed it by putting some liquid food down its throat with an eye dropper

2

u/krell_154 Mar 04 '25

Mike the Headless Chicken

2

u/Rymundo88 Mar 03 '25

Laughs in Mike The Headless Chicken

1

u/Lexsteel11 Mar 03 '25

Don’t forget the kazoo- it is instrumental to the system.

1

u/SergeantThreat Mar 03 '25

starts playing a kazoo

1

u/TorchIt Mar 03 '25

BAILOUT! BAILOUT!

1

u/desertstar714 Mar 03 '25

South Park called it lol

1

u/More-Income-3753 Mar 03 '25

Bail out, the most prudent move is a bail out

1

u/Enzo_Gorlomi225 Mar 03 '25

Don’t be ridiculous, you have to sacrifice a goat not a chicken.

1

u/climbinguy Mar 04 '25

BAILOUT! The most prudent move is a bailout!

1

u/Amonamission Mar 04 '25

I understood that reference

1

u/HurricaneRon Mar 04 '25

Bailout!! Bailout the insurance companies!

1

u/Luckreigns Mar 04 '25

Will this also help me figure out how to get my money back cause my dad financed a margarita machine that he didn’t need?

1

u/Sullinator07 Mar 04 '25

Wasn’t there a great episode on South Park about this? Maybe it was just about debt but still shits crazy

1

u/Campfireandhotcocoa Mar 04 '25

Who is bringing the kazoo?

1

u/BurntWaffle303 Mar 04 '25

Nah Robert Kennedy throws them in the blender.

171

u/Konjo888 Mar 03 '25

Meat is back off the menu boys

8

u/NeedsToShutUp Mar 03 '25

Soybeans and corn gonna be our entire diet.

8

u/QwertyPolka Mar 03 '25

rice and beans and potatoes, living the high life

6

u/xmrcache Mar 04 '25

”Trump said American farmers should prepare to start making more agricultural products to be sold within the U.S.”

Good thing the Trump Admin just shafted a shitload of farmers and loads of them are taking hits from his recent EO’s ….

4

u/Timely-Maximum-5987 Mar 03 '25

You need teeth to chew that stuff

3

u/NextTrillion Mar 03 '25

Was it ever really on the menu?

2

u/QwertyPolka Mar 03 '25

jokes on you I'm a gangly vegan

2

u/Sorry_Squash5174 Mar 04 '25

Not behind Wendy's, it's not 

58

u/TurielD 🦍 Mar 03 '25

Just SPY, it's easier.

22

u/sprucenoose Mar 03 '25

Good thing only we know this will make the market go down so we can get cheap puts before SURPRISE, the rest of the market finds out and our puts start to print!

3

u/ModernMandalorian Mar 03 '25

What is this QQQ you speak of?

1

u/BlackBobbyAxelrod Team Rhodes Mar 04 '25

NO

52

u/lostredditorlurking Mar 03 '25

There are a bunch of US stocks that haven't feel any pain yet like NFLX, AAPL and SBUX. Puts for those should be cheap

16

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '25

[deleted]

10

u/Lousk Mar 03 '25

On its face, I would assume not since they provide digital services and most if not all of the infrastructure is with AWS.

6

u/Crystalas Mar 04 '25 edited Mar 04 '25

Bread & Circus, streaming services being a major factor in that. As long as Bread & Circus remains people tend to tolerate most anything.

Of course the current idiots in charge are threatening even that, one of the few ways they COULD actually make people "wake up". One of main reasons I do truly think a good chunk of them ARE that stupid, at least the ones at the front being lightningrods.

It isn't til people are hungry and see their loved ones hungry that most hit the "nothing to lose" point and start "eating the rich". History has proven that many times over. There the well known phrase "No society is more than three meals away from revolution"

Keep them the absolute bare minimum fed, preferably exhausted to achieve that, and constant flow of distraction and they will put up with and ignore just about anything to maintain that status quo.

Take their food and distractions though and they start getting IDEAS and have the desperation to make them happen.

No amount of security or bunkers can protect against that if widespread enough. Every town has their local "lord" that seems to own everything and everyone hates.

Propaganda and class/race divisions are much less effective when things boil down to "I have nothing, my child hungry, your mansion has everything. I NEED IT I TAKE IT.". It doesn't take much to knock modern human back to cavemen when survival at stake.

Disease, economy, various scapegoat boogeymen, ect are all scary big "invisible" concepts that go right over their head but to most they aren't as "real" as hunger pains for days and your child begging for help.

Welfare programs are not simply "because it right thing to do" or anything else "woke". If don't implement them not even the rich are safe from the fallout. There a reason even the worst "third world shitholes" tend to have welfare programs and healthcare.

1

u/HugMyHedgehog Mar 04 '25

Unfortunately things are different now thanks to drones.

If its You or Me, that's one thing. The risk may be worth the reward. If its me or a robot, 1 i probably already lost , and 2 even if i win they just send another robot that still isn't afraid of me. And that first loss is actually much cheaper than another human soldier, even if driven by another human soldier.

This first time a little silly gyrocopter with a cheap .22 pops a civilian probably right between the eyes with 99% accuracy, revolution is actually over. only their mistakes save us then, its full on V for Vendetta dystopia at that point.

5

u/waavysnake Mar 03 '25

Watching tv or buying food. We hope noone has to make that decision but some people mah have to

3

u/Fit-Remove-6597 Mar 03 '25

It’s too late to get the main benefits of investing in grocery and grocery distributors who have been seeing gains the last year. People will be cutting out subscriptions to pay for needs.

We’ll Q1 GDP has already shown this to be the case. It’s going to get more harsh

4

u/TanTanWok Mar 03 '25

It's sentiment for US stocks. I cancelled Netflix

1

u/PunishedMedlock Mar 03 '25

Streaming the first frivolity you cut right?

7

u/caishaurianne Mar 04 '25

I would say the last. Netflix and a home cooked meal might be the only entertainment people can afford.

But I would still expect people to cut down on the number of streaming platforms, just not eliminate them entirely.

1

u/Jasonrj Mar 04 '25

No. I recently invested and figured once everything else collapses and no one can afford anything they will just stay home and watch Netflix waiting for their death.

2

u/Fetuscake69 Mar 03 '25

Sbux gets propped up like a MF

1

u/SlopTartWaffles Mar 04 '25

NFLX? Is that new? Cmon man lol

7

u/michaelt2223 Mar 03 '25

Don’t worry he’ll cancel these tomorrow and the stocks will pump back up

1

u/NoResist2796 Mar 03 '25

lol pure market manipulation. shit show to see who put option

6

u/AgitatedStranger9698 Mar 03 '25

Just puts on indexes...they're going down....HARD.

Bottom will be in ~4 years from now....maybe 2 depending on midterms.

10

u/[deleted] Mar 03 '25

[deleted]

2

u/_toodamnparanoid_ Mar 03 '25

Always have been.

5

u/Doughnutpower Mar 03 '25

Wait, you don’t do that already?

4

u/MassiveBoner911_3 Mar 03 '25

Naw thats boring. Let’s play spin the bottle! The stock that it lands on you put puts on!

3

u/Fit-Boomer Mar 03 '25

I sold some puts on sARK because I have no idea what will happen. I am not even sure if I should hope the market goes up or down with that buy. Kinda like a coin flip but worse.

2

u/Pearse_Borty Mar 03 '25

"Ekko and Jayce, my boys, I put it all on BLACK!"

2

u/Visinvictus Mar 03 '25

I just invested in calls on volatility on Friday, let's see how it pans out.

2

u/ekemp Mar 03 '25

What do you mean, "now"?

2

u/TehSillyKitteh Pees sitting down 🚽 Mar 03 '25

Whatever happened to the dog that would shit and tell me which direction the market was going. 

Or the lizard

2

u/NoImplement3588 Mar 03 '25

we’re using the two manatees in a tank with a ball option

2

u/LongliveTCGs Mar 04 '25

Honestly, might be the best Financial Advice I’ve heard this year

4

u/Lord_Despair Mar 03 '25

Maybe we will go back to the shrimp!

1

u/Objective-Muffin6842 Mar 03 '25

Just buy spy puts

1

u/stoopidrotary Mar 03 '25

I thought that was SOP?

1

u/OperationSuch5054 Mar 03 '25

whatever happens in this shitshow, you can gurantee that crusty old twat pelosi will come up smelling of roses.

1

u/mxlun Mar 03 '25

Always has been

1

u/unclefire Mar 03 '25

Puts on indexes.
Puts on agriculture Puts on auto.
Calls on oil. That will go up.

1

u/96919 Mar 03 '25

No need for a wheel. Theyre all tanking.

1

u/ServoFFXI Mar 03 '25

They expect us to do puts now. Stocks will fly tomorrow. 

1

u/Ambitious_Big_1879 Mar 04 '25

What’s the move tomorrow? Short TSLA

1

u/brollotropical Mar 04 '25

Consult the chart

1

u/Mental-ish Mar 04 '25

Puts on SPY

1

u/sparky_burner Mar 04 '25

Everything. Growth stocks will be hit the hardest

1

u/A_Light_Spark Mar 04 '25

What's wrong with that, I thought this is a casino???

1

u/iWolfeeelol Mar 04 '25

i can’t wait to buy puts on amd. they fucked me and many of us several times. (they’re about to rip)

1

u/SnowballWasRight Mar 04 '25

Wait that’s not how you did it before either??

1

u/Gustomaximus Mar 04 '25

Huh, is there any another way?

1

u/BlackBobbyAxelrod Team Rhodes Mar 04 '25

YES

1

u/gjr23 Mar 04 '25

I thought that’s what we have been doing from the start? There are other ways?

1

u/Mikemtb09 Mar 04 '25

Puts on everything

1

u/Jimisdegimis89 Mar 04 '25

Ha…have…have you guys been doing something else!?

1

u/Seagoingnote Mar 04 '25

Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised if this worked

1

u/eje0100 Mar 04 '25

Nah just qqq and spy 0dte puts. Covers everything going to hell.

1

u/Bonnskij Mar 04 '25

Puts on the U.S

1

u/Smrtihara Mar 04 '25

Nah, man. All the rich people are insider trading. They know where the arrow will land, and they’ve already acted on it.

1

u/KGBFriedChicken02 Mar 04 '25

Welcome back to the trump show. Stock markets don't handle international instability well.

1

u/_Deloused_ Mar 04 '25

Foreign military arms investments I reckon. Wars a comin’

1

u/BreakfastTacos4lyfe3 Mar 04 '25

It was a JUMP to CONCLUSIONS map. There would be this map, that you put on the floor, and would have different CONCLUSIONS written on it that you could JUMP to.

0

u/BeingRightAmbassador Mar 03 '25

That would be a better and more useful leadership system that the current children throwing tantrums in the oval office.