r/Unexpected • u/A_MASSIVE_PERVERT • 1d ago

Toxic Relationship

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77.8k Upvotes

88% Upvoted

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3.0k

u/SuumCuique1011 1d ago

Would you rather that or he put his bare ass on your face?

517

u/No-Poem-9846 1d ago

Idk but is it teabagging if they are neutered and have no sack? What if they are neutered and have an empty - nvm 🤣

389

u/SuumCuique1011 1d ago

Neutered or not, a cat asshole on the face while you're sleeping is never a welcome surprise.

134

u/Lilswingingdick212 1d ago

I think it’s cute how proud they are of their assholes but I still don’t want them on my face

35

u/Important_Newt5727 1d ago

I think it's toxoplasma controlling them, trying to spread to humans 

58

u/CoolVictory04 1d ago

Fr, once my cat was about to put her asshole on my mouth, thankfully I woke up just in time before she did it, why they do that omg

61

u/BobknobSA 1d ago

I have had 8 cats during my lifetime. Most of them would sleep in my bed. None have ever put their asshole on my face. What the hell?

38

u/CoolVictory04 1d ago

Why? Do you want it?

24

u/BobknobSA 1d ago

No thanks. I am good. I just didn't know it was common.

20

u/CoolVictory04 1d ago

You might've got one, while you were sleeping, who knows, they might even be freaky with you...

11

u/nrfx 1d ago

You should try the lipstick experiment to see if they're getting you in your sleep.

17

u/LuxNocte 1d ago

I thought you meant wear lipstick to bed, to see if it's covered in cat fur when you wake up. And through the power of delusion and reality denial, I still think that.

5

u/MsSupa 1d ago

Thank you for this, I love you!

3

u/_-_p 1d ago

Holy shit, what year is it?

4

u/nrfx 1d ago

2004

I'm honestly impressed I remembered and found the exact post I had in mind when I started typing it.

2

u/_-_p 21h ago

that takes me back. My favorite Fark memory is Scott Adams making fake accounts to call himself a genius

2

u/RedditEqualsBubble 1d ago

That you know of. Sneaky little bastards.

2

u/Unlucky-Tie8574 1d ago

That's what you think...

1

u/mazarax 1d ago

You probably have toxoplasmosis by now. They didn’t need to infect you again.

8

u/mddesigner 1d ago

Your cat put it on your mouth, you just noticed it the third time

4

u/CoolVictory04 1d ago

No, don't, I'm fine as is, not knowing about that...

5

u/crooked_cat 1d ago

It’s the moment you can show your love .. I don’t like it either though hhh Cats…

2

u/cyrusthemarginal 1d ago

they want us to clean it for em

2

u/MikeDchy 20h ago

At least they're not like dogs, who jump on the bed, then on top of you and star liking the crap out of your face and don't stop no matter how much you tell them to FO. When we had a dog, in the mornings, if she would trot into another room, 🐕 I would hear immediately after "aaaah STOP. I said stop yah "bloody" Dog. Go away now. That's a good dog. Aaah, get off me. Let me sleep. OK, OK, stooooop." 😂 10 mins later, moves on to the next victim in another room... aaaaand so on.

4

u/OpenSourcePenguin 1d ago

Or asshole belonging to any species

3

u/telerabbit9000 1d ago

Speak for yourself!

2

u/mcmelon2461 1d ago

Agree. You open you eyea in morning and first thing you see is hell.

1

u/Geckland 12h ago

Speak for yourself.

7

u/Jean-LucBacardi 1d ago edited 1d ago

That's just bagging. All bag no (T)estosterone

1

u/Iwillnevercomeback 1d ago

Eunuch squatting

1

u/Flimsy_Touch_8383 1d ago

That’s just herbal caffeine free tea

1

u/turb42o 1d ago

it would be baggin… no tea, just baggin

or dingleberrying

1

u/One_shot_Willy 19h ago

I think if it's neutered, you might call it brown bagging

1

u/otter_boom 17h ago

That's called a Boston Tea Party.

1

u/louisa1925 15h ago

Cat's into scat games.