My (31f) partner (59m) has me nervous. He’s gone from telling me he doesn’t like a lot of makeup and that I should dress down more to assuming that I’m doing it for attention. I appreciate that he likes me for me. Unfortunately I’m a perfectionist who somewhat obsesses about my appearance. He recently berated me on and off for hours about this. There have been other subtle incidents when he wasn’t violent but I felt somewhat intimidated. In bed I was maneuvered into a compromising and uncomfortable position. I felt degraded but didn’t want to come across as a prude. It just didn’t feel right. Another time he incorporated a little roughness like light smacking, slapping my face and choking. I told him I didn’t want that and declined to do something else he requested and he kinda made fun of me. I don’t mind dressing less sexy and I can be adventurous in bed but yelling and laughing at me comes off as insensitive to my feelings. I know I can be a bit neurotic and overthink things. He thinks I’m OC and wants me to stop drinking because we had a huge fight while I was intoxicated after being triggered all day. We’re on better terms now. We’re talking about moving in together, getting married, and me quitting my job. He is wonderful most of the time and no one is perfect. His positive characteristics far exceed the questionable observations I’ve shared. I just don’t want to uproot my life and make a huge mistake. It would be helpful to hear some objective feedback.

I have been dating this man for 6 months now. On and off all of February we argued because, we got into a physical altercation and he said it wasn’t abusive and justified that it wasn’t abusive because his parents are abusive and he knows what abuse is. I told him that I was right and there was no need to pry and grasp for straws that weren’t there and that I wasn’t going to tell anyone if he got help. Well after that he seemed to be doing better for a week or so. Then valentines comes around and I was expecting to do something with him and what do I get? 6 hours no response his location is on he’s at the gym with his friend. We had agreed to do something for valentine’s day all month and we were really excited for it. However he can’t just stay true to his word. So then after he was done screwing around with his friend I get a text saying “Do you want to get ice cream” I fucking hate ice cream and he knows it i’m already pissed off so I agree hoping to get an answer out of him. Even my mom was confused as to why he was behaving like this and I would’ve much rather spent the day with her than him. Anyways so then we argue again on Valentine’s day and he’s yelling at me in the car laughing in my face to everything i’m saying and just saying “i don’t know man”. He knows i hate when he does that. His mom drinks and both parents do and I’ve let him come over before when they’re arguing and he just goes to tell me “my mom is jealous of you”. Oh Golly. My mom does not want me to go over to his house at all because she day drinks yes i’m 19 but i live under my moms roof so i have to listen to her. So fast forward to now after a bunch of other arguments. I like to call his issues each week “This weeks issue” because it’s so stupid and ignorant everytime. This week it was because I posted the lyrics to overseas and put the 🗣️ emoji next to the lyric which was “that boy repeat everything he hear like a parrot yea he a bitch” Mind you i’ve done this before and he’s never gotten mad. I told him it wasn’t about him and then he was like “it is about me you opened my reels and didn’t respond” Yeah I don’t have much to say to you sending me posts being homophobic and such. Then I called him the day we were supposed to hangout and he’s with the friend i hate the most. This friend tells him lies about me and i haven’t even met him. “She’s cheating on you bro” “She’s having pool sex with that guy” His friend is disgusting and cheats all the time I have never ever cheated in my life. Anyways i’m calling him he starts gaslighting me about the physical altercation incident and tells me everything i do is so annoying. Like I haven’t been there and bent over backwards for him. Made excuses to friends after he did the physical thing. I told my psychiatrist and she wanted me to break up with him because she was afraid he was going to kill me. He constantly keeps me in the loop of “i’ll change i’ll do better” and he never does and i feel like I can’t leave him because he always cons me into not leaving him because he’s trying to be better but I don’t know maybe i’m overreacting but then he sent me this yesterday

“Okay, so last night I looked into it a lot and I think I know what it might be now, I don’t know the name or term, but I have an idea of who I’d like to be in the future, this like embodiment of perfection in my eyes, all of my interests, the best traits from anything I’ve ever liked, a perfect version of myself that doesn’t seem that far out of reach, I could get there I would just have to really work at it, I think about it all day, every day, when I listen to music, what I do, every part of my life for the last couple of years has contributed in some way to become that ideal self, this is obviously toxic and is called an incongruence and rather than being inspired and motivated, I am driven entirely and obsessed over becoming that, you know I have other things and passions that I want to do so this isn’t like an end all be all thing where I think I’d finally be happy when I reach that point, no there would be things after that that I want to do, but it’s like my purpose, I’ve been in love with it, why I’ve been very self centered and always trying to do better (then draining myself in the end) is to reach that point, like I said I’ve had three of these, like characters almost that I wish I could be, first was this warrior guy back years ago, second this idea of living in my grandmas old house, with this one car, and looking like this guy Ryan Harris on instagram, then third I have a drawing of, but it’s like perfect to me, or was, uhh I think it has something to do with like low self esteem and fear of things so I shield myself with said avatar which helps and gives me purpose though also blocks me from human connection “

“Anyways though, last night I was up really late finding ways to fix it

I think I did but now that it’s gone, it’s like the purpose I’ve been living on is gone, there’s nothing, not that I like hate myself but there’s not much to work towards, I want to believe that me and you will work but I don’t know if you are going to stay, which it’s okay if you don’t, right now it’s just like both you and that whole purpose thing I’ve had are going away, i don’t know, I was a bit okay earlier, it’s been a weird day and I’m not really too sure what to do”

With a fucking drawing of “who he wants to be” Which was really unsettling. Anyways we were going to take a break until august but then he decided he wanted to actually do better and so i was going to give him one last chance until I get this message

“Complete honesty, I love you and want to have a future with you, but I think realistically I’m not fully ready for a relationship as I don’t know how to handle things like mood swings and that idealization I was talking about, it’s like I’m different every week, I don’t believe I am going to change this fast and trying to keep you with me while failing then asking to be forgiven is pathetic and only drains you, I want you to be happy and I think we should break like we were talking about”

after sending me this the night prior

“Please just give me one more chance, you can leave me if I do any of it again, you are right about it all and I see it completely, please let me be yours, I love you so much, I wish I could go back and change how I’ve treated you in the past, I know it’s cliche and all but I can change, I can fix it all, you are right, it’s about now, not waiting until graduation or this fall, it’s about us, me and you experiencing life together, and I won’t let anything get in the way of that anymore, I promise you, I will fix it, I’ve been blind to how awful I’ve been, the cycle I’ve had us in, this isn’t a character or just me telling you this, please leave me if I ever treat you how I have again, if I ever disrespect you, you are my world, I’m so sorry I’ve been this way, I’m looking into therapy and ways to get rid of my habits that I’ve had, I’ve cut off a lot of people and I am going to stop being with everyone that has been a bad influence, please give me one more chance, one more time that is all, I promise this is the end of our problems, I don’t want to break, I can’t live without you, every second of the day I spend thinking of you, nothing I can say will make up for the things I’ve done to you, how I’ve treated you, but I will do better now, I want to start over with you, do better for you, for us, I love you bella and that won’t ever change, no more excuses we won’t have to have this talk ever again, I love you so much”

Then after telling him it was fucked up to do the night of my birthday and i’m trying to text him because he’s triggering me a lot with the push and pull here which he knows is wrong by the way. He decided not to respond for 2 hours and just look at every text after i sent it. Then I say “hello?” He says he was playing his annoying guitar and fucking watching TV. Who fucking does that ? Then he says.

“Nono Im here, i dont want to break or anything tonight i dont know why i started that, I was feeling like dead all day but then i cried and now i feel normal again i dont know what’s wrong with me that was so fucked up”

What the fuck am i living in am i going insane I have never been so upset in my life or at least in a relationship obviously that isn’t the only text after but he just kept trying to shove it under the rug and it was annoying because he always gets to dictate everything. I know i sound crazy but please believe me when i say this i have never felt so alone in a relationship or where ive felt like i had to beg for reassurance or love. I think hes a narcissist I don’t know what to do. I know I sound pathetic because it seems like there is only one right way but i don’t understand whats wrong with him and why he hates me so much to ruin my birthday. Anyways I uploaded the drawing he’s obsessed with being asian btw and has some kind of weird fetish for it and has said stuff about me being asian before just weird stuff. Thanks for reading i don’t know what to do

im on a medical leave SIGNED BY DOCTOR and my fucking mother is acting like it's getting her in trouble and I'm not allowed to stay home she even talked about sending me to a fucking program. For the record I'm on a medical leave so I can stay home what the fuck is this bullshit.

i made a post last night about an incident with my partner and his reaction to me playing a video game with my brother. should i send him this message? or could it be used against me? do i even try to say anything? i always just let it go because when he decides he’s no longer upset the subject is supposed to be dropped but i don’t know that i can do that anymore. but i also fear if i bring up how badly it bothers me he’ll continue trying to mask his controlling behavior so i have nothing to “complain” about.

i just want to waste her time if im being honest, i dont think she understands how much pain shes caused me. the abuse was emotional, psychological, verbal, things i never thought i would let myself endure. i know its petty but who cares its my time. any thoughts would be appreciated. unrelated but has anyone ever been told by past partners that you've been the person they've treated the worst in their lives? its happened twice to me. fool me once shame on you, twice though...

I (27F) got into an argument with my husband (28m) and once we went to bed he started calling me names. These names consisted of stupid, inadequate, selfish, and horrible etc. I asked him to stop when he started getting meaner with his words and advanced to calling me a bad wife, the b word, and even the c u next Tuesday. He kept going so I swatted him on the arm and said that’s enough now stop it before you say something you won’t be able to take back. This swat was equal to the swatting a child’s hand. He SNAPPED. He began telling me he was going to call the cops on me and get me arrested for assault and called me a stupid B word for think I could ever think I would get away with this. I froze… deer in the headlights type freeze. While he kept going with the yelling and screaming I just sat there. Fast forward he keeps calling me names, and telling me how I don’t do enough or how I don’t touch him enough. He won’t stop “making jokes” at my expense, and keeps poking at me until I yell that’s enough or walk away. He guilts me into sex when that’s the last thing on my mind. A few days ago he starts telling me how I need to help him pay his credit cards off when I get my (possible) promotion. I’m talking 10-13k worth of debt I was not aware of. I don’t know what to do or think. Am I seeing red flags and just blowing past them? Am I actually the problem or just reacting to what he does?

Help me…

I don’t know what to do really. I love and care about him and I feel he should know what a low blow this is. He said previously he thought of it more Iike how they use it in Australia… but I don’t know. I think he probably should know or does know how wrong it is..?

Thanks so much <3

I hate getting to the point of needing to take legal action but I don't know what choice I have. I don't want to talk to him anymore now but have been willing to I. The past. The most he goes is a month without talking to me. He'll be the one to block me on accounts and then unblock me suddenly and start verbally abusing me if I don't answer. I really need to heal the anxiety he caused me and can't go through even 1/10% of what stress he caused me anymore. Life is fucking stressful enough. If I block him he finds another way then accuses me of being with other men and I'm not in a relationship with him. I don't want to talk to him because he has not treated me good enough and he's a narcissist so having that conversation is like going in circles then he gets verbally abusive and harasses me. I don't want to worry about him beating and killing me. I don't want someone who gets verbally abusive at the snap of a finger anymore. He's always upsetting g me when I need to focus at work. It's not even verbally abusive in the occasional fight either. It's the second I don't do something he wants or just frequently for no reason. I cannot take this shit anymore

I’ve been married to my husband for 4 years and we have separate finances basically. I never really saw it as an issue until recently. We have an almost 2 year old who is in daycare. I really thought I was paying way less than 50/50 until I made him talk about how much the bills he covers are every month. I make half of what he does and have discovered that I actually pay more in bills per month than he does. I am very much struggling, I can barely afford to put gas in my car. When I tell him I’m struggling and need help he just says he’s sorry and changes the subject. He’s not taking money from me or trying to get access to my accounts but this doesn’t seem right. Is this financial abuse?

I (21f) recently left my ex (36m). over a year into the relationship, december 2024, he became physically abusive and emotionally abusive.

it started with slight shoves when id want to leave his house during an argument and when i brought up how uncomfortable it made me, he broke down in tears. told me how he would never hurt me. then it progressed to throwing drinks at me in the car on the way to outings, once it was a slurpee and a separate occasion it was an alcoholic drink. then one morning i looked through his phone and found a dating app where he messaged a girl, i had to go to work that day so he waited until i finished and argued with me in my car before grabbing my neck and pushing my head against the window. he’s smashed my phone, thrown a plastic box full of tools at my head, raised his fist at me as if he was going to punch me.

then i found more evidence of disloyalty with another girl on his phone. confronted him about it. and it got heated so he grabbed my neck and slammed me on the bed, asking me if i want to die. he kicked me and then grabbed my hair and took me from the bed to the floor, slamming my cheekbone on the ground. leaving a bruise.

i thought i was done at this point. but that night he went to k*ll himself and i came running to his rescue, apologising to him and telling him ill never leave him. and so it was forgiven and he treated me like a princess..

until it didnt stop. he smashed my phone completely unusable, slammed on the breaks in an 80km/hr zone asking if i wanted to die again, lured me into his car to ‘talk’ during arguments so that he could drive around and keep me from leaving, until he would pull over tell me to get out and then when id try to leave he’d grab my neck and pull me back slamming my head on the middle compartment. he’d speed up and head straight for a car telling me we are both going to die before swerving last minute as i covered my eyes and screamed. once he dropped me on the side of the highway at night. he also drove me out to the woods after keeping me in the car for hours and told me he will leave me there so i get raped and killed.

then the suicide threats became more frequent. he would get out of the car and begin to walk on the highway. he’s grabbed a knife and put it to his wrist but didnt cut. hes tried to tie a rope in front of me whilst telling me he is done living. he has tried multiple times to walk into oncoming traffic.

some of these instances are recent but most happened in december/january. and yes i had forgiven him for everything at the time. but recently, on a very random day, i just thought “i dont want this anymore”. he hadnt laid a hand on me in recent times but it was kind of like we were out of the ‘high’ in a trauma bond. things were stagnant and i was coming back to reality.

tonight, we have been talking and everytime i bring up the abuse he brings up my wrong doings. which are breaking up with him, leaving during arguments, downloading dating apps when id break up with him. which arent great, i know. but i keep saying that our trauma is different. he doesnt agree.

i said to him “imagine your sisters came to you and said their boyfriend had done this stuff, what would you say?” he replied, “id say thats terrible, but why is he acting that way.” i broke down after hearing that.

he always tells me “no one will ever love you as much as i do” and its made me think, well if this is the most i can be loved and i get treated like this then maybe in some messed up way i do deserve it. maybe this is my fate and a pure love that i want wont find me.

anyways.. how do you guys deal with not getting validation from your abuser? why do i feel like i need him to tell me he was abusive for it to be real. and why am i questioning whether or not i deserved it…

Never told this anyone

So I’ve been thinking about this for a long time and never told anyone. Not even my family because of how traumatising this experience was. And I feel like my mind has pushed this really far down until now. And about two weeks ago , it all came up when I started hooking up w someone for the first time after 3 yrs. I was in a 3 yr relationship before those 3 yrs.

This is just to get this out of my system.

During that 3 yr relationship I was with a narcissist and I didn’t know it until the relationship ended. Things were up and down all the time and I always pushed his anger issues down until one day, it simply exploded. I just came home from being overseas for 9 months. I was stuck overseas due to the pandemic and couldn’t come home to Australia. When I told my ex that I wasn’t going to home for an extra two weeks (because I got covid just before my flight home) he lost it and punched holes in the wall. And and sent me pictures , saying I’m lucky it wasn’t me and blamed me. I was upset and we had an argument and then he said sorry and said it’s fine. Boy did I wish that I ended things because I just saw the good in him. What good in him you may ask? Idk either.

I came home finally and we met up the same day. In the evening. Things were ok. Then a week later met again and that weekend my parents were away. So he wanted to take me “out”. He picked me up and drove to some long ass location, I thought it was some surprise. We got there , near a beach or something, we got out and he started yelling. Like out of no where calling me all kinds of names , that I’m a mistake and that I’d regret getting “COVID”. Like wtf. He grabbed me by the throat and then punched my left breast 5 times. And I’m not even saying just a punch , these were such hard punches I almost fainted. And mind you, he was wearing rings. Next things I know I’m on the ground and he kicked me, on the same breast and spit on me and left. I was laying there alone on a beach at night. He grabbed my wallet and disappeared.

I couldn’t get up for about an hour and with all my strength i slowly got up. It felt like I’ve been stabbed 10000 times. Thankfully I had my phone on me. It dropped in the sand which he didn’t see and I was able to call an uber home. Otherwise idk what I would’ve done. I got home and simply crashed. I didn’t get up for two days. I couldn’t move nothing. At this point my parents weren’t back yet. They were away. Once I finally had the strength to get up, I lifted my top and I have never been so scared in my life. My left breast was black. Dark dark black/ blue , bleeding out of my nipple and I honestly thought I’d have to cut it off and it’ll be just dead. I went to see the doctor and I had to make up some stupid story - which he didn’t believe btw - but said it’ll take a long time to heal. It took about 1 month for the bruising to be mostly gone but the pain stayed for months and I didn’t get my sensation back for 4 months. It’s completely back to normal but I do get pangs of pain in that area at times.

And about my ex , I stayed with him for a few months after - pls don’t judge me about this. There were other occasions etc. he dumped me over text and then came back begging but I rejected him. It was the hardest time in my life. I never went to the police or reported this. Because I was scared. He had so much power over me and his family is loaded. They would’ve destroyed my family.

I’m sharing this because it had to get out of my system. Idk how I have been able to keep this in for so long. But all I can say is , abusive relationships are so fucking traumatising. And you’re left w so much trauma.

I had a bothersome physical incident a couple of years ago and it keeps coming back to me now..

I got in a physical relationship with one of my colleagues. It was my first time ever being physical with anyone. I was very nervous and cautious about it. Our first night together now when I think of it gives me chills. I was a virgin and he knew that. He was very rough with me. We did things other than sex, but it was really painful. He kissed me or rarher sucked the life out of my lips until the upper one was completely swollen and turned purple. He kept fingering me and licking me down there despite of me asking him stop because everything was going to fast for ne and I felt weird because I had never felt that way before. But he didn't stop the whole night. My boobs, my lips were all swollen, I had bad contractions in my lower abdomen and my head started aching. So much so that I had to take the next day off of work. I never realised this at that time, that he was rough and this is not how its supposed to be. I remember that he was trying to make me fall asleep and I thought to myself how sweet he is! After that night, we slept a couple of more times. I remember how I used to be wet around him all the time at work. But soon after all this I left my job and broke off with him because he was a very toxic person.

After a while I met my current boyfriend. He's a great guy, very gentle with me. But he's sexually much more active than me. But I feel like I have lost a major chunk of my sex drive after the above incident. But I'm confused, I'm sure it has made an impact on me but is it possible that that traumatic incident from past can affect me now?

My mother 56F is about to be homeless within the next few days. Her and I never really had the best relationship. We often fought and I really dislike how she went about the decisions of her life. I was molested at 9 by her then boyfriend. She didn’t report him to the authorities and eventually got back with him. She told me not to speak to anyone about it though I didn’t listen. I eventually told my dad who called acs but my mom convinced me that I was better off with her and actually beat me once I told her that I informed my dad. During the process of being observed by acs my mom told me to act as if I’m lying so she wouldn’t get in any trouble and lose her job. Eventually the case got dropped. She always had difficulty making decisions for herself and would often look to others to decide for her. Mainly her older sister who had a lot of resentment towards and usually exploited us every chance she got. In my opinion she was never ready to be a mother. She actually confirmed that when she admitted that if it wasn’t for my father begging her not to abort me I would’ve never been born. Id admit that i wasn’t an easy child to raise. I got myself in a lot of trouble. I got pregnant at 13 having to give the child up for adoption. I was very sexually active mostly with guys older than me. I had major anger issues. I was and still am very much horrible with relationships. Have a hard time making decisions for myself. Don’t have any goals dreams or aspirations. I recently attempted to take my life because I couldn’t bare the load of my life. Currently in therapy. It helps in the sense of that I have someone to vent to and seek guidance but everyday living is hell for me because I have so much fear and anxiety. Decided to give my life to Christ after my attempt. This is all new for me but I fear my future will be doomed. Now with my mother facing homelessness I’m having a hard time deciding if I should let her live with me. I’m trying to heal and get my life on track but because my mom has her mental health issues and refuses to seek help. This is too much for me….

Sorry that my post is so unorganized. I have a hard time with coordinating .

He wasn't abusive in the beginning. Hell, he wasn't even abusive in the first 15 years. At some point, things started to change. I was 24 when we met. He was 43 and still married. I had my whole life ahead of me, but he managed to charm me even though my first impression was that this man was way too old and not what I was interested in. He became my protector. He took care of me and life was just easy. It was good for a long time. I worked and had friends and hobbies. I could spend money on what I wanted to. But as the years passed, the lopsided nature of the relationship began to show up. When we didn't agree on little things, I would just let him have the final say. It was easier. Choose your battles, right? Stay in or dine out? Whatever he wanted. Buying a new appliance? He has so much more life experience, so let him choose.

There were so many little changes in his behavior. And of course, I was the problem. I didn't want to have sex enough. Guess what doesn't make me want to have sex? Getting bitched at for not initiating sex enough. At the end, I was too anxious to make any plans with anyone besides him. 8 times out of 10, I would get hassled for where I was and why I took the amount of time that I took. Having to stay over at work; spending 3 hours at WalMart; spending 5 hours with my mom. I was accused of cheating. I gladly showed him my GPS data but he still was convinced that somehow I had done something. Last week when he angrily said, what do you want a divorce?, I didn't say no. And for the next five days after that, it got easier and easier to admit that, yes, I want a divorce. He spent five days begging for me to stay and trying to get me to cave, but I held strong. I will soon see the ugly side and I am okay with that. I will be under a different roof tonight. My cell phone is off his account now. And my bank is aware of what is going on and won't let him make any major changes. I earn a good income and now, he is 66 years old and retired. I will finally have the freedom to make my own choices. My birthday is on Friday and it will be one of the best birthdays ever!

Maybe I am stupid. I am not sure. Idk what I am anymore. My partner or I guess soon to be ex is a nightmare to be with. Every single day all I get from him is verbal abuse. He'll call me names. He'll call me fat, ugly, a bïtch, a whøre, manipulative. I am so tired all the time. We live together with 2 young children. He even verbally abuses me at them. "You're mother is stupid. Don't grow up and be like her. She's the reason our life is shifty. Don't worry Daddy will take you away from mommy and we never have to deal with her again." He's violent. Aggressive. Drinks so heavily and says it's because of me. He calls me a leech. "I've lost everything because of you." He blames me for the fact that I got pregnant. I wasn't even supposed to have kids. I was told that in my last marriage. He knows this but continues to say things like I trapped him. He never touches me except to fůck me. All the time he says to me that he will take my children from him. He has beaten me. Thrown things at me. Strangled me. Even when I was pregnant. I found out he cheated 12 different times in 4 yrs. I don't know what to do. Abuse shelters arn't an option. I barely have money. I don't have transport. I work but I can only so work much. I can't do anything I feel so stuck. I can't even speak my mind. I do everything I can to calm him. I just can't do this anymore. I don't want to lose my babies. Please help.

Is verbal abuse really abuse, even if the person days that it doesn't mean anything and that, that is his way of expressing his emotions. Is it wrong that when we argue I bring that up and expect him to stop cussing. Is it wrong on my part that I feel it's disrespectful even after having known him for years.

I feel worthless and belittled. Is it wrong that I feel that way?

My extremely delusional and narcissistic ex boyfriend works as a therapist for those experiencing religious abuse and ptsd from childhood trauma. I, F21, was groomed by him, M26, at the age of 17 (I just turned 17 while he was 22), and often told me not to tell anyone about us because “we both will get in a lot of trouble.” Being with him for 4 years, he used extreme reactive abuse to twist the abuse he was doing to label me as not only crazy but as the one abusing him in the relationship.

He always told me to go to therapy to “get better”, I was struggling with severe depression and trauma from what he was doing to me, and when I didn’t show much improvement after a few months of therapy, he got in my face and told me that I wasn’t trying hard enough. When we fought, he demanded sex afterwards as an apology and if I said no, he would say I didn’t love him. His delusions made it even worse, he genuinely believed he was possessed by a serial killer from the creepypasta fandom as well as a few famous super villains from various movies, using the characters as excuses to either beat me or cheat.

Now he works as a therapist, I’m so worried he’ll prey on his clients like he did to me but hide behind the “I’m a professional.” Excuse. I’m worried that if I don’t say something, someone will get hurt by him again and I could have done something to stop it. Then again, I’m terrified that if I do say something, somehow I’ll be the one who gets into trouble for trying ruin his career. I don’t care about his career, I care about him “helping people” in turn continuing the cycle of abuse.

I’ve been wondering if I should report him for what he did to me or if I should just leave it be and focus on healing the damage he did to me.

When we get into our fights and yelling matches. I am someone that needs time to cool off and I have to physically leave to another room. He hates it so much that he will follow me wherever I go and insist because he pays rent that it is his right to keep the door open. I don’t even think I can relax because even if the door closed he will burst through the door when he has another point to prove. If I try to remind him that I pay majority of the bills he denies it and insists his electricity bill costs more, even when I offered to pay for it but he is on social assistance so he gets cheaper hydro. I feel like I shouldn’t have to fight so hard for the right to keep a door closed he took off the locks even form the washroom. He says I cause him distress because he never knows how long I need but even when I try to talk to him calmly there’s like a point of no return for him. Tonight was that point where I should have physically removed myself form the entire house. Can someone just tell me this isn’t fair. I legit just bought a ton of groceries and I felt like I deserved to have some food I bought before I go sleep at my aunts cockroach infest floor 😭

After years of emotional and physical abuse, I’ve finally managed to escape. Yay! But now the storm has calmed, a new sinking feeling is setting in. Everything is looking…. kinda bleak. I’m homeless, I have no job, and only some savings to get me through the next few months. I wake up deeply anxious. I had to leave without my cat. I’m sure I’ll get her back at some point but it feels terrible to leave her behind while I’m sofa surfing. I could be doing this for weeks and weeks, at this rate, since there’s no end in sight. My prospects feel pretty grim right now, to be honest. I feel like a total failure! Adding to that, there are all these feelings of missing my ex, even though he did unforgivable things.

With all the uncertainty, I’m a nervous wreck right now. Does anyone have advice to get me through this dark moment?

I know I'm patently insane. I don't even really live at home anymore, I live at school during the school year and am unlikely to be going back with immediately family over the summer. But I have this feeling that I deserved everything that ever happened, that I'm just crazy, that everything is fine yet somehow I'm not because I'm oversensitive or dramatic. I could list out everything I feel like they'd done wrong again from the worst incidents off the top of my head, but that's never saved me.

I feel like an absolutely terrible person, and I want to be clear that I understand physical abuse is awful, but I find myself constantly wishing that it was physical. If I was physically hurt I'd have proof that what happened wasn't okay. But they'd never so much as lay a finger on me so I get to be crazy, knowing that no matter what my therapist claims, I'll probably always be crazy. Its awful but (SI? death? idk how to even tw this one properly) >! I'm finding myself fantasizing about my mother killing me right now because then I could be free of this all and there'd never be any question about what happened is okay and I hate life anyway !< and have convinced myself that if I die under certain circumstances (>! certain forms of suicide, death as a result of family generally, etc !<) I'll have some loving and stable mother in some sort of afterlife.

I'm sorry, I know I'm crazy, I know this is all absolute insanity. But how do I make it go away. How do I stop feeling even envy sometimes when I hear people talking about awful things because at least they aren't crazy like I am and they're actually allowed to be angry/upset/not crazy about what happened?

I'm truly sorry if this came of disrespectful, I understand physical abuse still frequently is accompanied by gaslighting that makes it feel deserved or not a clear cut violation but I just feel completely insane and my entire mental state is collapsing.

How do I deal with this? I'm sorry

I don't know who else to turn to. It's only been 3 days since he got booked and they released him on a simple assault charge pending the state finalizing aggravated assault charges. I watched the detention hearing and it gave me so much anxiety seeing him and hearing him talk to the judge. He showed no remorse whatsoever and brought up getting a lawyer multiple times. He has slapped me, hit me, thrown me off the staircase, pushed me, and strangled me many times. An altercation back in late October led to me breaking my ankle. This most recent incident, he was slapping me in the face and trying to block my way to the staircase. He kept trying to take stuff like my phone and my bag to keep me from leaving and I was fighting hard at this point to get out. I was trying to get around him and he started throwing me off the stairs onto the concrete floor. I got up and tried to leave again and he slapped me hard again, resulting in a ruptured eardrum. As soon as he hit me that time, I saw stars and I felt so much pain in my ear and since I just hear constant ringing and can't hear out of my left ear. I decided to finally get police involved when I went to the ER Sunday morning and they diagnosed the perforated/ ruptured eardrum. Since the most recent incident, as caption says I can't sleep and I can't stop crying. I alternate between numb and full on sobs and panic. I have a history of really bad, vivid nightmares, and now he's made an appearance in them, which I don't think will change anytime soon. I don't know why it's hitting me all at once when it's been going on for 6+ months, but I feel like I can't function right now. I don't know what else I can say to friends and family for support because nobody understands what I'm going through right now.

I moved in and everything has actually been better than it was just days prior to it happening. He really is trying and changing, and now I feel guilty for ever even questioning him. He can't believe it either and I kind of see why. He does have temper issues and can Struggle with patience, however he has really been making an effort to do better. Of course with a lot of reminders from me, but that was the deal I made when I decided to give him another chance. But this is all so confusing I thought I had to fear living with him, but he actually wants to do better. Just months ago he caught me genuinley questioning if he was an abuser on here on a different account, and looking back it really did seem like it was heading down an abusive path, but he's actually proving me entirely wrong and now I feel so confused. Because it was getting bad at a point but it never got to bad, and is now only getting better. I feel so guilty for ever posting in this forum.

it’s been a while since i’ve posted here. my ex and i have been split up for 2 months, but i just found out maybe a week or two ago that he has a new girlfriend. i didnt care at all at first, but today i found out that she has a 3 year old daughter that he is now taking care of. i’m not sure if they are living together but it sounds like it.

i feel sick to my stomach knowing that they are unsafe and there is nothing i can do about it. im sure many people here have experienced this feeling. it sucks

The highs are so high and the lows are so low. On the days that he feels love for me I feel on top of the world. But when he is angry or upset with me, he is so incredibly mean it makes me genuinely not want to live anymore. I can’t mentally write anything else right now but i feel so sick. I want out but i know I can’t survive without him. I just don’t want to be here anymore

i (f20) was in an emotionally abusive relationship when i was 14 and i feel like i never properly dealt with it. i feel like i’ve been set back so many years and have lost so much time and i’m so mad. i also feel like nobody has ever taken the situation seriously because i was so young. i got diagnosed with PTSD when i was 16 but i feel like i never did anything about it. i kept thinking i would eventually get over it but i just never did. there’s so much pain and i don’t know what to do with all of it. i want to get help but every time i even have to slightly confront it i get so freaked out. every day i wish so badly that it had never happened because it has hindered my ability to be in relationships or date normally and in comparison to my peers i feel stagnant. anyways just needed to get that off my chest #lol