Imagine a woman who grew up in an abusive household. She was demeaned and ridiculed, constantly questioned and attacked. She was beaten and punished for small things, trapped in a world of unstable, irrational rules. By the time she reached maturity, her personality disorder had crystallized. She never developed complexity—there were no stable foundations to build on. Her sense of people, herself, and morality reduced into good or bad, with nothing in between.

She feared for herself constantly. Because of her simple and absolute worldviews, small moments felt like threats to her identity—or dangers to her reputation. Each confrontation overwhelmed her with fear, panic, or rage. Instead of integrating new experiences, she rejected them. She pushed them away, defended against them, or tried to destroy them.

Every time she entered a new environment, she didn’t adapt—she became someone else entirely. Not just to fit in, but because her internal model was too fragile to adjust. It couldn’t be reshaped—it could only be replaced.

She tried to change. Every time, she hoped it would be the last time—this time, she’d get it right. But time moved on, and the world offered more demands, less tolerance. She couldn’t keep changing. She needed people to stay in her life and they would notice. She couldn’t risk her reputation again. So she dug in—protected what she had, defended it fiercely.

She’d rather turn the world around before admitting the truth: that inside was contradiction, incoherence, shallowness, and struggle. And so the lies piled up. The distance between her and the world widened, hardened. She felt like a cheat. A mimic. A liar. And still she pushed on.

She has criticized herself for her failings, scolded herself for emotional chaos, for poor reactions, for not being strong enough. But there was no way out. No change brought stability. No version of herself could hold.

One night, she was talking to a friend at a bar. She told her she wanted her to meet her friend. “There’s something about him,” he said. “Kind of reminds me of you. Can’t quite explain it.” Anger surged. What did she mean? Did she know what was happening inside her? Which version of her was she talking about? Still—she was curious. Maybe she’d finally see what she really thought of her.

She met the guy. Spoke to him. And felt terror. The way he looked at her—it was like he knew. Saw through the whole façade. Saw what she was. She had never felt so exposed. Panic turned into rage. Did her friend know, too? Had they been talking? Laughing behind her back? Why did this man get to carry the same flaws but move through the world like he was whole? Why did he seem fine while she had to tear herself apart just to hold it together?

She met him and they spoke. She felt cornered, watched. He recognized her. But he didn’t say anything. He just smiled and offered her a drink. They danced and talked. She was used to using her past as a shield—an excuse, a quiet boast. She dropped hints, hoping he’d tell her how strong she was, how impressive it was that she managed to seem even a little normal. But instead, she found herself drawn in by his questions. He asked how she managed, and in return, shared some of his own experiences. Occasionally, he’d say things like, “It must have been hard to even settle on who you are,” or, “I think I would’ve struggled to even pretend to be normal in your shoes.”

He nodded when she hinted at the lies and the shifting identities, but he also raised an eyebrow. He didn’t do more. He seemed to understand that no one was harder on her than she was. And in that silence, she felt understood—more than she had in years.

But she still felt angry. If he was like her, how was he so composed? How did he escape his chaos?

Eventually, she said it out loud: “No matter what I do in my life, I think I’m destined to become like my parents. I don’t see a way out.”

He looked at her—steady, quiet—then said, “I have hope. I think there’s a way. I’ve been trying to follow it, and things started to click. I feel more honest. Less like a cheat. My relationships are steadier. People seem more relaxed around me.”

She asked, “What is it?”

He answered, “I think we had it the wrong way around. We acted like we already had it figured out, hoping our minds would catch up. But it’s not about becoming good. It’s about holding yourself to something good. You don’t need to pretend to be moral. Just recognize that it’s the best way to be. Show people that’s what you’re trying to do.”

A rush came over her. What was this? Was he moralizing? Patronizing her?

“I am already doing that,” she snapped. “I try to be moral every day. I don’t need to worship it. You think I need to join a cult? You think I don’t know I’m supposed to be good? I thought this was going to be better than some lecture on morality. After all I told you—you just see me as evil?”

He didn’t flinch. “I don’t want you to be good,” he said calmly. “I’m trying to tell you to stop chasing after a personality. Don’t be a standard to others. Just hold yourself to one. I promise you—it helps.”

Something inside her cracked. The rush turned to rage.

“Chasing after a personality? “You think I’m shallow?” she hissed. I don’t deserve this, she thought. “You’re just using me to feel wise. This is a power trip. You have no idea who I am!”

She stood up, voice shaking. “Go. Away.”

He looked at her calmly. “That’s not what I meant. It’s not about morals. I know I might be wrong, but I’m hopeful. I’ll be here the whole evening. There’s more I could tell you, if you ever want to hear it.”

“GO AWAY!”

And away he went.

Clara rushed to the bathroom—crying, shaking, barely able to breathe. Who the hell was he? How could he hurt her like that and stay so composed? He didn’t care. Not about her. Not about anything he said. He just wanted to feel superior.

Half a minute later, her friend rushed in. “What happened?” she asked.

She couldn’t tell the truth. Couldn’t admit what really cracked open. She thought about her options for a second and then said: “He came on to me. He tried to kiss me! I pushed him away, but he wouldn’t stop.”

“Jesus Christ... are you fucking serious? I—” she stared at the ground, shaking her head. “No. I mean, yes, of course I believe you, I just... this doesn't make sense. Are you sure?”

Clara saw the disbelief. The lie was in danger. But she couldn’t retreat now—the cost was too high.

“He did it,” she insisted. “I couldn’t believe it either. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t move.”

“God… How could he…? This is terrible. I need to talk to him—will you be alright?” her friend asked, still in shock.

Panic rose. She couldn’t let that happen. It was too risky.

“No! I’m so scared. I’ve never been through something like that. Are you leaving me?”

She looked at her with concern. “Of course not! I’ll stay. Just tell me what happened.”

“I liked him at first. It really felt like we had a lot in common. We started talking about our childhoods… and then suddenly he tried to kiss me.”

Her friend looked at her carefully. “He talked about his upbringing? And then he tried to kiss you? That’s really weird.”

“Are you saying I made that up?” she shouted. “Are you taking his side?”

Clara stood up and turned away, crying.

“That’s not what I’m doing! It’s just… I know about his childhood. And… To see him use it like that—to get you—I  don’t get it.”

Things were falling apart too quickly. She needed to shift.

“You told me to talk to him. You said he was like me. What the hell did you mean by that?”

“I… I’m not sure. It seemed you both had to go through similar things and were dealing with it.” She paused, and looked at the door - still unsure. “I’m sorry but I really have to talk to him.”

Her voice cracked. “Well some of us did it a bit better obviously! You were wrong about him. You put me in that situation. Where are you going?” she almost shouted.

Her friend shuddered. “I’ve known him for ten years. I can’t imagine him doing this.” She paused, took a breath and said: “Will you just tell me what happened please?”

Clara saw the shift—her friend had pushed through the shock and was now working too quickly. She was panicking, losing control.

“I am telling you!” Her voice rose. “You’re taking his side—after what he did to me?”

Her friend looked at her in disbelief. She didn’t understand how fast this had turned on her.

“What… what exactly are you saying, Clara?”

Clara stared back, eyes wide. “What do you think I’m saying?”

Her friend looked at her, now visibly scared. “You’re… you’re flipping this on me, Clara! I’ve known him for ten fucking years! What the fuck am I supposed to do?”

Something snapped. Her chest tightened. This wasn’t going away.

“You bitch! I’ve never met someone so dense—so fucking blind and idiotic!”

She didn’t wait for a response. She shoved past, stormed out of the bathroom, through the bar, and into the night—running all the way home.

In her home, she sat at the edge of her bed, writing furiously to her friends. About how she was assaulted, how she was mistreated by her company. Victim blaming, rape apologists — her “friend’s” reputation was over. Better than hers.

She tried to fall asleep, but her mind was still racing. He had no right to say those things. He had no idea what it took for her to survive. And now he was gone. Good. She didn’t need some patronizing ideologist to control her life. Nobody can understand who she was. She had to do this alone.

I need to find one workbook ( not the same copy just if we work on the same book no more I can read or don't understand bull cause I can explain it to him.) for both my husband and I to work on. I have been diagnosed with BPD, bipolar (might be misdiagnosis) and PTSD. My husband schizoaffective, intermittent explosive, social anxiety, and PTSD. He also appears to have DiD undiagnosed (might be a 24+ yr long con to not sure anymore) and after I've done some research and got some insight into my issues I would bet my life that he is aspd . I need to find something to help stabilize both of us because I'm seeking help and he refuses various excuses from embarrassment to he doesn't have any issues. But I got him to agree to workbooks. This is my last effort before finding a way to be thrown in prison so I can't stay with him.

This person refuses to get checked out for any form of personality disorder, schizophrenia, or etc.

This isn't normal because the "voices" in their head are "puppeting" or "controlling" them. Its not tulpas or some form of other person-made plurrality, so what would you recommend?

They said they came back after thry were overthinking about me

I don’t like being around people.

I mask but most people give me anxiety because they’re unpredictable. And I get irritated extremely easily around people because to be blunt i see most people as incompetent, stupid, complacent, and sometimes worthless to me.

The only thing stopping me from being more reclusive im not self sufficient because honestly im not that smart and that’s not insecurity i’m being sincere and honest.

And when I say all this can work for me, but I have this loneliness.. people tell me I don’t like being alone. But in fact i wish i could be alone all the time. In fact sometimes I feel like I’ve everybody else on earth died I would be alot more happier.

Loneliness void feels like an annoying headache, not something that I wanna have to fill.

And I’ve tried doing what normal people do but people leave me disappointed. And it kind of validates everything else I just said.

To fill this void I usually just talk to ai or just work on conceptualizing my tulpa further. Because I just see those things as extensions of me.

The most stable i felt is when i stuck to myself 99% & saw people as something they could give me then I acted accordingly.

Why? I mean, I also don’t feel like anyone understands me. I don’t feel like anyone cares enough to try anyways. Most people don’t have that capacity or open-mindedness or intelligence to.

It hurts to be misunderstood. But also people aren’t worth it. They aren’t worth of vulnerability for me simply to get hurt and get nothing out of it. Or feel like there’s an uneven exchange.

Ideally, I could just have a job that has minimal to no social interaction and do everything alone.

18m All my life I’ve felt a need for others attention for validation and not too sound to up myself but I’m not the ugliest screw in the shed so I’ve also been inclined to using my physical attractiveness for attention. I have also been more self aware of when I’m manipulating others and realising I do it a lot more often then I realise. For example when I was a younger teen i literally committed acts of self harm for people to see purposefully not because I was depressed and made up heinous untrue stories about my past purely for other people’s attention. I had trouble maintaining friends in high school due to constantly lying for attention and gossiping so I was labeled a pathological liar which at the time I was. I’ve often said shocking and inappropriate things to insight reactions out of others that more often than not have lead to negative consequences. And ontop of that I also have a generous amount of grandiosity that I try to combat with logic as I know I’m not any better or special than other people but still feel a burning sense of injustice when I feel like I’m overlooked. But yeah what do yall think NPD, HPD , or am I lowkey just a wack person who needs to get some therapy and stop thinking about themselves

hi, im 20M and i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder when i was 18, and i was in DBT from age 16 for what they called "early onset borderline personality disorder". this is gonna be a long post with a history of a lot of what i went through as a child and teenager. some personal details have been changed for privacy.

i was born as a female (i'm transgender, important for later) in eastern europe and moved to western europe at a young age, maybe 6? i didnt communicate with my father who only spoke english for that whole time. he lost his job and thats when we moved back to his home country, he became wn alcoholic who would viciously abuse my mother and i in all ways he could. he was also chronically getting ill, lung issues and diabetes and knee issues, severe allergies, i watched him suffer a lot and it scared me. i was very manipulated when he was alive. he would pin me against my mother and play mental games, sayings included stuff like "in a world where people are either a glass half full and a glass half empty, your mother is empty", and straight up saying she was a liar, telling me about when she was cheating on him and with who. my mother used me as a therapist, she taught me self harm methods as well. i was also very emotionally neglected and when i grew up my mother outright told me that and apologised, which i did not accept. anyways, my dad did things such as find my mothers weed and report her to the police and make me watch her get arrested, he also did very bad things to her and would make me watch. i wont get too graphic but as ive gotten older more memories have flooded back. my dad died because of his alcoholism when i was 10, i found his dead body and had to assist in the cleanup after it was taken away. my mother kicked me out and i lived on the street and with my best friends mither for a while. not even three months later my mother got with an american man and they decided to get married and move to florida, and i had to uproot my entire life freshly aged 12 and move there after my father had passed away and i was also horribly bullied in school for having a dead dad amongst other things out of my control.

*note, in this phase of my life before i moved to america and my dad was alive, i was also blamed for everything. my parents issues, random shit around the house, whatever they coukd so they could take out their anger on me. i was also in poverty as a child, once i even got a grapefruit for christmas. lol.

at 13, 8th grade, i came out as transgender. it was a huge mistake to do it so soon. not because im not transgender, ive been on hormones for years and im getting surgery soon, but because until age 18 i was put through so much rejection and emotional neglect and abuse in general that it damaged me more than my actual childhood. i cannot begin to describe how horrible it was in that home for me, there wasnt a single day i didnt cry myself to sleep. i developed eating disorders and self harmed and i had sex at a young age with older peoppe for attention and money, as well as developed a dependency on drugs and alcohol. good time to mention my mother also drank a lot, but not as much as my dad did. to this day she still drinks that amount. i was a chronic liar. i wanted attention, i wanted love, but i couldnt handle when people gave it to me for i would push them away so ungodly fast if they tried to actually get to know me. i wanted to be attractive i wanted to be funny i wanted to be likeable but i was so strange and offputting in a way i couldnt control that i couldnt make any lasting connections. i got sexually assaulted by multiple people too. my mother has a tendancy to agree with the men she dates. this one happened to be the ben shapiro type... except a big brain athiest too. insufferable, basically. he would scream at me and threaten me on occasion but nothing like my biological father who stood at 6'5 and was a heavy set dude. i did a lot of crazy things as a teen like running into highways and punching the shit out of my stepdad so bad when he'd try catch me trhat hed have to hold me down in the middle of the road as people called the cops, running away to my sisters boyfriends to camp in his backyard with him and her, jumping out of moving cars when my mother pissed me off, and of course, so many suicide attempts. the one thing i had going for me was being the drummer of a band, and then the singer sexually assaulted me at 17. i then left the band quietly and i lost my entire support system when i came out about the situation, everyone claimed i lied except the singers girlfriend at the time, who broke up with him because he had been pushy with her a lot and it made sense because she was there the night of the party. i also managed to maintain great grades whilst skipping class and being a druggie and sexworker at school somehow. i even graduated a year early. anyways.

at 18, i moved states, i went to new jersey where i had some step family who were supportive, a couple months later i moved into my own apartment and then had an abusive roommate with very very untreated bpd who was a horrible person and deeply infatuated with me. i eventually kicked them out after a long time of extreme poverty and 12 hour shifts and no mode of transportation and heavy weed and alcohol dependencey.

now im alone again, i mean i have a partner and that relationship is going well but, im alone.

ive been told by others i am very sensitive to rejection, very sensitive of being shamed, very reactive. exes who i dropped when things got too serious say i push everybody away the second they try and learn about me, and i play therapist too much. ive never told anyone this much about my lifestory.

my therapist suggested i may have schizotypal disorder and avoidant personality disorder. i dont know, in the past ive also been diagnosed with ADHD, BPD gender dysphoria, C-PTSD, autism, and i have pretty severe bipolar on top of that thanks to my father. adding on two more fucking personality disorders feels a bit much, i dont know if its watranted. i think i just have a severe case of ptsd personally. but i have been sucked into such a deep pit of depression recently, if i have these too, i fear the cycle can never end. any help? advice? anything?

I never talked in here or to anyone about this, but it have been bothering me lately. At my diagnostic answer my psychiatrist said I was developing a personality disorders they didn't mention which, but I myself know which I may have, since I knew I was developing one already.

For the context, I just turned 18 in December. So I am very young still. But I really don't want to develop one, and I feel extremely helpless.

They told me I needed urgent help to prevent it if still possible, which was low because both my parents also have a personality disorder, which of my father's is also unknown which exactly., but they said there was still a low possible change to avoid it. But I can't get help due my C-PTSD. Because they said I need to be at a stable place first, but due that other diagnosis I won't ever really be at a stable place...

So I feel such helpless due that, I don't wanna develop one at all, and don't know what to do, neither do I know what exact type they're suspecting so I can't ask direct help to anyone as well. And the Mental health here denied me for Mental Hospitals as well, I am trying to find ways to get help... But I just keep getting denied.

Hi so over the last year or so I've done alot of research into Cluster B disorders, in particular BPD and ASPD as I heavily relate to the symptoms. I'm nearly 16, and am aware that it's common for teenagers to relate to these disorders but the severity of my symptoms mean that I've spent time in the physch ward, been to multiple mental health services, struggled with substance abuse, self harm and suicidal ideation etc. I really believe that I have these disorders, in particular borderline, but whenever I try to bring it up to therapists or physchiatrists or any other kind of official they immediately dismiss me. I can barely eat and sleep and I'm consistently getting worse in most areas and losing weight rapidly, but the best they'll do is tell me to "take 10 deep breaths" or stuff of the like. There is also a massive waiting list for more serious physchiatrists , and because I'm undiagnosed they won't give me meds for fear it'll trigger an intense episode (aside from sleep meds which don't really work on me) I don't know what to do someone please help.

Allora mi chiamo nyx ed ho un disturbo di personalità di tipo anti-sociale nonché vari impulsi e pensieri di omicidio, tortura o fare del male il generale. Al momento mia sorella sta facendo da matti, urlando sbattendo e comportandosi come una bambina di 5 anni e io non ne posso più, ho il costante pensiero di soffocarla a mani nude e di sbatterle la faccia sul tavolo...ripetutamente. Voi cosa fareste al posto mio per zittirla?

can someone PLEASE tell how is it like to have both bpd and aspd? i kind of relate to aspd but i dont get how these two can work, and can't really find anything that explains how these two work together. i know its common having both of them, but i still can't find anything about it and im starting to get annoyed

Im turning 18 in a couple months im an adolescent who’s been diagnosed as intellectually gifted I graduated at 16 and want to continue my studies . I’ve also been diagnosed with conduct disorder at 14 for the first time and again at 16 . I’m also suspected of bpd (emergent bpd).I know that my brain is still in development and the possibility of my behaviours and way of thinking being chronic is not a certainty. But I still don’t care about most things and especially social norms Im smart enough not to act out but I also mostly only care abt myself and think I’m the greatest but at the same time I have a deep self hatred for myself because of physical and mental health issues , I have trouble feeling emotions and understanding why I feel how I feel because most of the time I live my life as 2 opposites in my mind not necessarily like black and white thinking that I also have but more at the same time and I can’t function like this it’s like my brains fighting against myself literally as if my mighty ego was fighting my broken conscious . I’m scared it might deeply affect my goals and future because I can barely function anymore I am deeply unhappy and can’t find meaning or reasoning to do anything . I would like to know what the best options that can possibly help my behaviours/toughts and could lower the risk of not reaching my goals once again because of my mental health . I know there are no miracles for these types of things and understand most options are therapy I would just like insight on different treatments and personal experience with them. Thank you in advance

For those of you with unspecified personaltiy disorders, trait-specified personality disorders, ect. like those personality disorder diagnoses where they're not diangosing you with a specific one, do they specify your diagnosis with you, or just give you the label and make you figure it out on your own?

I have schizotypal personality disorder, and I've always wondered what it was like to have those "unspecified personality disorders" and "mixed personality disorders." Like, do your therapists actaully describe it to you?

Do they tell you which personality disorders you have traits of?

Mi hanno diagnosticato tra le varie cose un "disturbo di personalità di tipo anti-sociale" ma cosa significa?

I’ve read things on here that do not sound like me at all but some things I’ve read on websites sound sort of like me. I’m not clingy, I’m a bit reclusive and don’t want to “bother” people. When I go out, my appearance is very important and dress very stylish, not over the top, but am very well put together. When I hang around people I want to be friends with, I am very friendly and try to be a little more “exciting” in terms of my expressions and wanting to be bubbly. I never and have no desire to lie about myself or things at all. I’m very honest. Basically, I become more bubbly than I actually am around people and dress nicely.

TLDR: I think I have HPD, I’m diagnosed with other stuff and struggle with an addiction but I believe I have something else. Should i go back to a psychiatrist?

I have always struggled with my diagnosis of severe general anxiety disorder because I have other symptoms that are glaringly an issue. I was in therapy ever since I was 12 so that may be why I’m truly convinced I have something else. I used to think I had BPD because I get in relationships and act very similarly to someone with BPD. But my close friendships don’t bring me that type of emotions. I then thought (and my social worker told me that) I probably had attachment issues/abandonment issues with intimate relationships. I’m someone who usually find myself in the sotloght in some way. I do get weird feelings if I’m thinking I have the attention and it’s positive but someone gets the attention off of me. I think I may have HPD. I can’t be diagnosed because I’ve been an alcoholic since I was 16 and I’m now 20 + my original psychiatrist only followed up with me for 1 1/2 years before “retiring”. I have used social media for attention but it’s like a cycle. I know I can’t get diagnosed since I’m on and off alcohol and the substance disorder (I also used to SH a lot but now it’s once in a while, I can be clean for a year and then relapse) makes diagnosis complicated, but it has gotten worse as I got older. I have social anxiety as well but now I’m super good with people (or maybe I think I am?) and oral presentations. I’m extremely talkative and never STFU anymore. It has always been bad but now? I just can’t stop blabbing. In my relationships I’m obsessive. I do everything so that I “control” my partners love due to childhood trauma. It’s not something I do consciously though, it’s from a fear of abandonment + a need to be worshipped in a relationship. I may be 100% off when writing this, i know Reddit isn’t diagnosis ok but I do believe if some of you think I should go forward and try to seek a psychiatrist again, I would. I need validation for it though😭 I do use weird pity techniques also sometimes to keep people around as in “wooooo is meeeeeeeee” stuff. Be absolutely comfy dissing me but please don’t be too rude because I might not be able to take it😅

What I mean is-- I've noticed certain personality types (probably NPD) will accept favors, and they might even say thank you, but they end up saying or implying something disparaging about the favor in some way. Like, if I send over dinner from Grub Hub, it'll be like "oh that was so nice of you! Thank you, you didn't have to do that...... I just wish they could get a system down so the food stays hot." Or, if I bring specific requested items over to my MIL when she's sick and leave them in her mailbox because I have to run to work and also don't want to encounter her when she's sick, it's an issue that I dropped and ran. I even bought someone a milkshake once only for them to let me know they spilled it before enjoying most of it. Where I come from, this is called unspeakably rude and ungrateful behavior. I was raised to never complain about a gift or a favor. Either decline it or appreciate it. But since living in the NY metropolitan area, the number of people I've encountered who complain, either subtly or overtly, about a favor or gift is staggering. I'd say it's most. I'd like to really get to the bottom of the why they do it. I don't want to dismiss it as "just rude" (which it is). I feel there's a reason beyond "they're complainers" (which they are.) It seems they do it to try to either fenegal more out of me, or to make it clear the favor won't be reciprocated because it was faulty. Is there a specific name for this phenomenon?

While often confused for being a masochist, I've always wanted injury for attention and condolences. This has followed me since I was a kid. I would do things I would know would hurt me so people would pay attention. If it helps, I was often neglected. I have presented with this for as long as I can remember.

I am a very compulsive lair. For no reason. Most of this time it's to make people feel more interested or make them feel pity. Sometimes I don't even know I'm doing it. I do things to make myself feel more sad or pity-worthy, I suppose.

I have this need to like... control... everything? All of the time? Like I need everyone to depend and trust me in the situation or I panic and can't do anything. I need to be able to predict every small thing that’s about to happen so I can prepare for it. It's weird. I know.

Attention is always something I've needed. Although I've got social anxiety, I need everyone to like me or I'm useless and deserve death or smth. I measure success in a conversation by how often I can make the other person laugh. If you’re not laughing or smiling, I’m doing something wrong and you hate me. I kinda have a point system so I know how I need to act with someone. I genuinely don't know who I am. I don’t have a personality. It simply depends on who you are.

I'm just wondering if anyone can relate at all? I know there's something wrong but I don't know what. I'm not looking for a diagnosis or anything, just a starting point for research and to eventually get diagnosed by a professional. Thanks to anyone who responds!

This happened around 6 months ago, in the moment I was so flabbergasted and caught off guard I was unsure exactly how to respond. I told my dad that shes just projecting and that neither one of them hardly even know me, have spent significant time with me, and considering the fact that both my intent and externalized communications at he time were extremely things that a "narcissist" would rather die before doing.

To give a little background I live on the opposite side of the country(USA) from my Father, moved here with my alcoholic(with Personality Disorder Traits) mother during my pre-adolescent years. My Step mom has never admitted to being borderline directly, but has repeatedly stated that she is "EXTREMELY familiar with BPD" and I know she's been in therapy regularly throughout most of her adult life. So I assumed she would be more tolerant and understanding

She stated that she without a doubt believes that me being diagnosed with PDNOS at 16 years old is code wording-secret dr lingo for me being a narcissist. And my dad hopped right on the wagon without a second thought, he seen it as his lifetime pass, his "get out of jail free card" to never being an actual father.

It took much self control not to immediately react, a lot of time has passed. And I still think about it everyday...write letters I'll never send and cry about it on the daily. Ive been thinking about actually sending them a letter. Does anyone think it's a good idea? A bad one ? Please help me, I'm so conflicted

I keep having impulsive urge to sarcastically send her a bouquet of fresh flowers along with a card saying "Congratulations on the psychology degree!! Had I known you went back to school, I would have sent a gift much sooner!" And then mailing a letter basically saying look all jokes aside, I need to clarify that I am not a person who has narcissistic personality disorder. That if I even had mild traits of it, than my psychiatrist would have included "with narcissistic traits" in my diagnosis. Not BPD. And that I'm sorry if she feels she noticed a narcissistic tendency of mine in that hen moment. I am mature enough and self aware enough to admit that I might have such ways of interacting with other people, infact every human on this planet has at least a few of them."

Followed by explaining the facts that back in 2013 when I was given such a diagnoses it was the first year that diagnosing someone under 18 was even acceptable according to the DSM diagnosistic manual..and that the I had only been seeing that psychiatrist for 3 months. Diagnosing minors is still to this day highly controversial and that the most likely conclusion was him saying "since this person's young, and currently dealing with trauma I dont want to give her a precise label because some symptoms could wither a way and or new ones may arise but I need to mark that there is an issue going on here"

Am I wrong for wanting to do such a thing ? I'm perfectly okay if I send it and never ever receive a response because at least I know I defended myself.

I think my view is very biased since the only person ik who has aspd ended up sa'ing me and I don't want my view to remain that way, so what is it like? what's the common misconceptions you hear? and is it as bad as people make it out to be?

My husband and I had a dozen family members over for dinner.
The dinner was a request by my MIL, who wanted to see my kids who are home from college for just a few days. She asked if she could invite other family members.

My husband and I agreed and also extended the invitation to my own mother and an aunt who lives nearby.

MIL asked what she could bring and I said a simple dessert.

She brought the dessert but also a side dish that she hadn't discussed with us and didn't at all go with the meal.

Imagine something like bringing french fries if the meal was sushi.

The dish wasn't hot and she has given it to us on other occasions so I put it aside to eat on another day.

Dinner was great. Everyone seemed happy. There were many appreciative comments. All was lovely.

Then MIL walks into the kitchen as my husband and I were clearing dishes and says, You didn't serve my dish. My husband answered, Well, it doesn't really go with the menu we planned so we will eat it another time. She said, But everyone should taste what I made.

So then my husband heated the dish up and served it -- this is long after dessert -- and MIL basically coerced the guests who were still there to eat her dish.

I totally get that this is stupid incident and easy to just move on from and forget. She did not make a good impression on anyone present, I'm sure. But I keep thinking about it -- Is this narcissism? And what could have set her off? Was there something that she didn't get psychologically from this dinner -- that she requested!! and we agreed to host! -- to make her behave so oddly? I want to understand so I can head off this and other behavior that often puts me in uncomfortable situations. Don't get me started on how she criticizes my mother and keeps demanding I agree with her!

hi, there! will already say that this will be a long ahh post

i am currently diagnosed with autism, adhd, depression and anxiety

so, for context, my mom has NPD, even tho she refuses to believe and hides it. she is was first diagnosed after she ended her first marriage. she didn't tell anyone and stopped with therapy. later, she was diagnosed by a forensic psychiatrist. her mom, my grandma and her grandma are/were likely narcissists. my dad is a son of a narcissist too, which made him hyperreactive.

my mother has always been controlling and manipulative. we lived in a close condominium with a playground, but she never let me and my sister play. i have never been in a sleepover in my whole life, and rarely went to a friend's house, going for the first time at the age of 8. she never let me or my sister have contact with my father's family because, according to her, she wanted us to be close to her family, and my father's family would be a distraction. we had no autonomy, with my mom never letting me and my sister do any chores. i took a bath alone for the first time at the age of 10, even tho i wanted to bathe myself since i was 5, but she said i would be uncapable of doing so. i was bullied in middle school, suffering physical, emotional, verbal and sexual violence from my classmates, and when i told her i wanted to switch schools, and she told me i was being ungrateful (this was a private school) and that she would send me to a public school for me to see what i deserved. she crafted situations to make my dad look like this super violent man, that he never were, by touching triggers in him. he also had multiple arguments with her about my school and well being, but she made him believe he was uncapable of participating in this sort of decision. note that she was talking about having children with my dad when they were 1 month in a relationship. she was uncapable of getting pregnant due to medical conditions, so she made my dad spend tens of thousands of dollars in treatnents to get pregnant, this was 3 months after they first sarted the relationship, 4 months after they starter dating. until the day me and my sister were born, she lived with her parents. she spent all of his emergency and retiring savings with expensive trips and other luxuries. she called him a vagabond when he was working over 100 hours a week, 7 days a week while she was lying about her workshaft so she could cheat on my dad, 5 days a week, while there was no sex in their marriage after we were born.

after 15 years in this toxic relationship, she left my dad with me and my sister and didn't let us talk to my dad for 1 month. i eventually sneaked out to eat with my dad in a restaurant and spend a night with him. he told me his side of the story and i connected the points, and chose to live with him. he tried to put me into action, but he was unsucessful. i'm lazy, messy and i can't finish tasks. i don't like a lot of suff, but when i find something i like, i get absolutely obcessed. my nails must all look the same. if they're uneven, i file them down until they are, even if it means that it will hurt. same with my eyebrows. i have troubles socializing and reading the room. the few friends i make, i quickly get really attached, haunted by the idea of losing them. for some reason i don't know, i can't keep a relationship for more than a year, i always just found my friends gone, and i blame myself for it, i try to find reasons on why they suddenly stopped talking to me, sometimes i believe they were doing me a favor by talking to me, that they are too good for me, and that they are just tired of making an efford to make me feel less lonely. sometimes i feel like i'm a leech and i isolate myself, at the same time i'm terrified of being left by people. i catch myself being emotionally manipulative when i'm under pressure, and guilt fills me and i have a meltdown, crying, screaming, punching and scratching myself and without any control over myself, like a toddler. i'm completely unable to keep responsabilities and a routine, even tho i cognitively know i have to. my mood swings drastically. sometimes i'm laughing with my friends and suddenly i'm quiet and feeling as an outsider, other times i'm bored in class, thinking about my pets but a few minutes later they hace to call 2 or 3 people to push me to the nursing room bc i'm having a panic attack. i feel things a bit too intensively. i often feel like i'm being judged by everyone. my actions are often times impulsive and stupid. everytime i mess up and i ask for forgiveness inend up trauma dumping and everyone thinks i'm playing victim, when i'm not. i am both well informed and naive. i forgive everyone for every single mistake, sometimes blaming myself, even tho i cognitively know i'm not in the wrong, i just have this tendency in me to think i'm always the root of all problems and any type of harm i may face is just karma, so i'm prone to be taken advantage of. my actions are often oppositive to what i think and believe, and even tho i'm aware of that, i just can't stop this, and that's super fucked up. i always just end up punishing myself in cruel ways that i know that are wrong but they feel adequate, even tho i advocate and believe in non-punitive behavioral corrections. i never managed to keep a relationship for more than a month, because i care about my parter so much that i end things before i hurt them in any way. i like my treatment, but once in a while i start to convince myself that my meds are unnecessary bc i still have problems and thst i should stop to take them. i have a ton of empathy, but my actions are selfish. almost everything i do is impulsive, so i never stop and think, and when i notice that i might have harmed another in any way i feel guilty and often times hurt myself as a form of punishment. i have trouble with my sexuality, being repulsed by sex even tho i do get turned on, having unusual (but not perverted) sexual interests also doesn't help. i tend to not understand and respect hierarchy, making me compulsively opposing and ignoring orders. i hate being in the center of attention, but i feel the need of being heard. compliments embarass me, but being ignored makes me anxious. it's like i'm in a war with myself, the loss is unavoidable.

i don't know what the hell is going on. i'm confused as hell. i live in hell, i live in threshold. i also start to tell myself that i'm just being a bitch and i should grow up. i'm not asking for validation or sympathy, just want to know what the hell is wrong with me if there is something.

To start, I have been suspecting that I have Boarderline Personality Disorder for a few years now. Every time I would bring it up with a therapist, they’d automatically tell me that it couldn’t be possible for me for whatever reason they could come up with. I’ve been diagnosed differently with each therapist and they’ve all never listened to me or cared to listen to me and just shooed me off instead of listening to my reasoning or evaluation requests.

Last year, in December, I went to Grand Lake and got situated with my 4th therapist. I like her, she’s cool and she’s great.

Last time we talked, she left a note to herself about BPD. She and I had an hour long session today and she read off the criteria and I checked a lot of the boxes and gave examples from my life and behavior (enough for an official diagnosis.) She told me that she didn’t have a problem doing the paperwork to list it as my diagnosis but she seemed like she was being passive aggressive about it and trying to keep me away from having that paperwork done because personality disorders are something she “rarely diagnoses.”

She’s just naturally like this, though. She’s been blunt and honest with me and challenges me to think about things and that’s what I like and expect from her. I don’t want to play mind games or word puzzles with anyone just to have a conversation.

She did end up telling me that back then, (she’s a bit older) when they had things written down on paper, they became “real.” (AKA, people would have a “paper trail” to link those things back to you.) She said something else about trying to keep the diagnosis as minimal as possible back then because mental health was and is still very stigmatized. I get that to some extent but I understand how severe personality disorders are and I’ve already accepted it and have had first-hand experience with the way that people treat you when you have personality disorders or are even remotely different than someone else. I’ve been treated differently my whole life.

We danced around the official diagnosis question for 20 minutes until the end of the session. I knew if I didn’t tell her before our session ended, I’d be out of luck and would be too anxious to bring it up again. I let her know that I did want to start paperwork.

I asked her if it was stupid that a label would help me feel better about it and she asked me if I really needed a label. She asked me if it really was going to help me feel better. I told her that it would but I feel really bad about the fact that it would make me feel better. I felt embarrassed about it. She paused for a few seconds and told me that it didn’t matter if she thought it was stupid because it only matters how I felt about it. She told me that it wasn’t stupid afterwards.

Our next session, we will be doing paperwork for an official Boarderline Personality Disorder diagnosis but why do I feel so upset? This is what I’ve been begging to get someone to listen to me about for a few years now. I thought that I would feel so much better knowing that this is what I need to move forward and feel better about myself while we work on treatment but it’s just so real now. I feel nervous and upset and embarrassed that this is what I wanted.