TL;DR: I 26(m) have been having great problems with my girlfriend(25f) due to her being anxious if she is pregnant or not and im seriously tired of having to comfort her again and again when shes overthinking.

Weve been together since i was 23, weve constantly discussed about family planning and the future, but she says she isnt ready to be pregnant yet and so of course we try to stay out of having sex, when are in the mood though the most we have done is bj, fingering and handjob. We dont do that anymore though because of this problem. She always overthinks whether shes pregnant or not (She doesnt want to be pregnant because of possible financial issues). I have had to tell her every single detail about sperm cells their survivability and the probability of her being pregnant. Even when she had a period shes still overthinking and now i had told her every single thing about periods and how they work, I feel like what im saying doesnt even matter anymore.

How should i deal with this? I am seriously tired, i have been depressed because of this and its ruining our relationship.

My (24F) boyfriend (30M) asked me to delete pictures with my ex since they make him uncomfortable, especially if they pop up on my phone and he happens to see them.

For context, I dated my ex 5 years ago. We were friends for a year in college, dated for a year and a half, then broke up but stayed friends. Then, we were sort of on and off for the next 4 years. Whatever we had was never strong enough to turn into something real.

I started dating my current boyfriend around 4 months ago. This was a totally unexpected, organic relationship. I love him a lot and this is the happiest I've been.

He is very understandably uncomfortable with pictures of my and my ex (not that it matters, but I don't have any risque pictures with him. just regular selfies etc). I hate us fighting about it but I am seriously having a hard time deleting photos for various reasons. 1. I am huge memory hoarder and do not want to/like to delete a single thing from my past (unless it is especially painful or traumatic to me of course) 2. I don't want to keep the photos because of my ex, but because those photos are memories from an important time of my life - the first time I lived away from home, college life, etc. 3. I actually sat down to delete them one day - hadn't looked at them in ages - but I felt so uncomfortable looking at those old photos, I just couldn't sit for half an hour to delete them.

I know there is nothing lingering that is stopping me from deleting them - it is just my discomfort with losing my past/important parts of my life. I am also feeling this more strongly I guess because this relationship got very serious very soon - we talk about marriage already - I don't mind because I love him, just get nervous sometimes. So maybe it feels even more strange to just delete huge parts of my life. Don't get me wrong, his request is completely reasonable and he has never forced me. But we always end up in a cold war or a fight and I'm tired of that. Have tried to explain these reasons to him but it doesn't work. What to do?

TIA

TL;DR: Boyfriend (very reasonably) wants me to delete pictures with my ex (1.5 yr relationship that was on&off for 3-4 years) who is still a friend. I feel uncomfortable doing it because I don't want to delete important parts of my life/my past (the first time I lived away from home for college). Not sure how to deal with this.

Maybe this is an obvious answer, but I’d like to hear some takes. My girlfriend has chronic pelvic pain that she believes is due to endometriosis. Unfortunately, the only way to diagnose and cure endometriosis is surgery. I’ll spare you the details of the insurance battle she’s going through, but just know this surgery is not covered and an appeal could take months. It’s not helping that her pain is worsening by the week and she can hardly walk without pain.

We found a very good surgeon in the next state over that is taking on her case and got her on the schedule for surgery. The issue is that they charge out of network patients $2k upfront, and the rest of the bill could be upwards of $20k.

And it’s not guaranteed to be successful in eliminating her pain. The endo could still come back within a few years if the surgeon misses anything.

My parents are wealthy and retired early. They’re no mega millionaires, but their house is about to sell for a million and they came into a lot of money when a family member passed a few years ago.

We’ve been together for 3 years and plan to get married in the next few. My parents love her like their own kid. Hearing about her issues, they offered to pay for the surgery. I haven’t told my girlfriend, but I know she would be uncomfortable accepting that much money from them, even as a gift. I can’t blame her, it does seem like a lot of money. I worry that they are only doing this to improve their relationship with me, which is somewhat strained.

Should we take the gift and be incredibly grateful?? Or will this end in us being in their debt forever? Or is it just weird in general?

TLDR: My wealthy parents want to pay for my girlfriend’s out of network surgery and we both feel guilty about it.

So over the course of the past year and a half I have had some concerning thoughts about experiences with other women.

Background: I have been with my partner since we were in our late teens, we are two very different people but we seem to balance one another, I'm more of the fun, outgoing one and she is much more reserved, I have experienced and done a lot over the last 7 years with her and I love her very dearly, she is also my best friend. I wasn't initially wanting a relationship when we first met as I had just come out of another long term relationship, my ex cheated on me.

Anyhow over the past year and a half I've had some strange inner feelings of wanting to experience more before I settle down and commit the rest of my life or having kids and getting engaged. I thought they would go away but they haven't and Im truly concerned that I'm going to hurt her if these feelings don't go away. It is very important to me that I don't hurt her, because I know that pain.

Last night I went out to a club with friends and ended up dancing with a french girl all night (I was rolling), I remained very careful of not crossing any lines that I personally consider cheating and just enjoyed the music on the love drug dancing with this girl. She left a bit earlier then me and I continued by myself for a bit before I left the club, as I walked out I noticed she was outside ordering an Uber and it was her first and only day in the city I live in (flying out that day), she asked if I could take her to a sunrise spot and I reluctantly said yes, as we walked she flooded me with compliments in broken English with a french accent, I took her to a park and we sat together watching the sun rise over the harbour, holding each other as it was cold. She grabbed my hand and held it and at this moment as I looked at this beautiful girl something sparked inside of me, I realized I have never felt this feeling before, It felt adventurous and like nothing mattered at that exact moment and these are experiences I truly believe I need to have before I can commit myself to one person forever. Nothing further happened with the French girl, she called an Uber and I said my goodbyes although she did ask to come back to my place, I declined.

I have only ever been in long term commited relationships since I was 17 years old, but it's always been important to me that I experience as much as I can when I'm young, so I don't regret missing out when I'm old, these include having experiences with women as I haven't had many due to being in committed relationships. My partner and I are getting to an age now where it's time to get serious.

Additionally my family adore her and her family adore me, my family seem to think she has changed me for the better and id be a mess without her - which isn't without cause as i do tend to have self destructive habits if you cannot already tell by the post.

I don't know what to do.. Do we have a break, so I can grow up and realize how silly my thoughts are but possibly lose the best thing that has happened to me, do I tell her about these feelings im having, all I know is I cannot keep doing this as it'll only get worse.

I feel like such a horrible human and never thought I'd have these thoughts, let alone put myself in a situation where I could possibly cheat.

TDLR: Constant thoughts that I have not experienced enough with other women to commit myself completely to my current partner.

TLDR: My boyfriend doesn't make any effort and if I cry he is laughing at me.

My boyfriend (M24) and I (F27) have been in a relationship for three years now, and while we’ve shared many beautiful moments, the relationship has also been filled with ups and downs.

About two months ago, I made the difficult decision to move out of his apartment. We had been living together, and although we split the costs equally, he constantly reminded me that it was his apartment. Whenever we had an argument, he would tell me to leave and go stay at my parents’ house—which is an hour and a half away. I repeatedly told him how hurtful and dismissive that felt, how it made me feel like I had no place in what was supposed to be our shared home. But he never really listened or changed his behavior.

One of the biggest ongoing issues in our relationship is the lack of effort he puts into spending quality time with me. He rarely initiates plans to see me or suggests doing anything together. He never takes the lead in planning vacations or even small dates. Meanwhile, he’s always making time to travel abroad with his friends to watch football games, goes out drinking with his colleagues, and spends hours playing video games.

When we talk, the conversations often revolve around him—his achievements at work, how great he is doing, what he wants. I listen and support him, but when I express my own needs—especially how neglected and unimportant I feel—he becomes defensive. He argues, mocks me for getting emotional, and even laughs at me when I cry and doesn't comfort me. He accuses me of not putting in effort, which is incredibly frustrating and hurtful because I do try—constantly.

I suggest spending time together, ask if I can come over, propose trips, plan small surprises or gifts for him, tell him I love him, and try to connect in meaningful ways. But it’s as if none of it registers. Even when I make the effort to come to his apartment, there are times when he won’t even look up from his phone or stop playing games to greet me. It makes me feel invisible.

I’m emotionally exhausted and deeply confused. I love him, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m holding onto someone who simply isn’t willing—or maybe even capable—of meeting me halfway. I’ve tried to communicate clearly, kindly, and consistently. But nothing seems to get through.

How can I express to him, in a way he might finally understand, that relationships require mutual effort, and that I can’t keep carrying this on my own?

My boyfriend (18m) and I (18f) have been dating for around 5 years now. His family and my relatives are very close friends. Anytime something was going on at my house, he and his family would be there to join. We grew up together and went to the same schools. When I turned 13, he asked me out. I didn’t like him romantically, but because of our families, I said yes.

Now, we do a lot of things couples do. We go out, spend time with each other, and etc. He has always done everything he could to make me happy. I am thankful for it, and I tell him how appreciative I am. He always smiles when I thank him, and then we go on with our day. However, things have changed. He is still very nice towards me, but just a little distant.

On Friday we planned on going out. We went to the mall, ate and shop, and then I suggested we go home since it was raining hard (I don’t like it when we drive home when it’s raining). He didn’t say much but just took my hand as we got to his car.

Inside, he started the car and then turned it off. He then started to talk. He said that he loves me so much and he was always happy to ‘brag’ about our relationship to his friends. But he then talked about the issues he sees in our relationship.

1. He plans most of the dates and I don’t contribute to it (I have but it’s not as frequent)
2. His friends convinced him that I’m not interested in him/he likes me more than I supposedly do (they think my calmness is an indicator that I don’t like him)
3. He tells me he loves me a lot, but I’ve never said it back

I just kept looking at him when he said it all. I’m guessing he wanted me to say something back, but I didn’t know what to say. He then said that he knows I don’t love him. He sighed, started the car again, and drove me home. Usually, he texts/calls me when we finish our dates. But he hasn’t called me. Should I call him? It’s been two days (the longest we’ve not communicated).

Edit - I really care for boyfriend. I know I love him. It’s just hard to say it verbally. I wasn’t raised in a family that said ‘I love you’ often (more of a show your love by your actions type family). He’s the only one in my life I feel the most comfortable with.

tl;dr - Boyfriend (18m) said that I (18f) don’t love him and hasn’t called/texted me in a while.

Hi everyone, i have been in relationships for almost 3 years (25/M and 22/F). These are (or were) my first relationships. For 2,5 years everything was very good, we had some arguing from time to time but we resolved everything within max 3-4 hours. In December 2024 the girl told me that she wants to break up cuz “she doesn’t feel being loved”. I felt that it was said straight out from nothing because 5 minutes before we were talking about a completely different thing. At that point I didn’t think that there was a specific reason for a break up. So i told her that after some time in relationships in can become boring for partners or they may feel that they dont love each other anymore. I told her that i can be just a difficult period that we need to overcome. So we talked until the morning but decided that its just a shitty period and it will become better.

So in January 2025 everything felt good again, we had all this relationships loving stuff and blah blah blah. At the end of January she went home to her country for a month. The first two weeks we talked on the phone every day, chatted on tg a lot, she was telling how she misses me etc. Then in the middle of February she suddenly became colder, we started having less phone conversations because she was telling that she spends time with parents (which she did), even during our phone calls I noticed that suddenly i became the one who talks more (which never happened before😂). So it was these two strange weeks but I thought that i need to wait until she comes back and i will see everyone in real life.

So when she finally came, she had to take medicines for a month and she couldn’t have sex so we didnt have anything. Her behavior still remained cold, she stopped writing and saying some cute stuff and she looked like she doesn’t wannt hugs or kisses. So in the 5 or smth of March we had a conversation about some stuff (not related) and she said again that she wants to break up cuz she doesn’t want to have relationships now. A asked her what happened and why is that and she responded that since that December she still wants to break up. Again i said that it can be a difficult period and we need to overcome it together and everything will be good. She told me about some stuff that she doesn’t like in relationships, i understood that and said that i will work on these moments. We agreed that we both will continue and see what comes in the future. Also in the end of march she finished taking her medicine and we continued having sex after a long time. During and after that in didn’t seem to be that cold and I started thinking that its now all good. Also during March after i bought her some gifts without any reason (just cuz of love), started being more attentive with her, more supportive. She noticed i became how she said “almost ideal”. But when i did all these things, her reaction was still kinda cold. I kept doing it but she still was cold.

On friday we had another conversation about why is she still cold. She said again that since december she still wants to break up. That she feels like she don’t care anymore and that she doesn’t need these gifts from me and all this attention and other good stuff. She said that she feels that she doesn’t love me anymore and wants to break up. I said that i still love her (which is really true) and still want to be with her.

She finally told me that she had this feelings since october 2024. There was an episode, when she was ill and asked me to buy pills for her. I bought all that stuff. Soon we had an argument on some stuff and i told her that i bought her the pills with my last money and I didn’t ask any money from her. At that time i wanted to buy myself a new phone, so i had my money divided: some for living and the rest for the phone. So when i bought the phone she felt angry that i told her i had no money but after that i bought a phone. She felt i lied to her. So this basically was the reason for all this shit. Now back to April 2025.

She said that she needs time to figure out whats going on with herself. So we decided to take a pause in relationships for a week until the next friday. During that time we dont contact each other and dont go into different relationships. Next week we meet each other and finally decide what to do. I wanted to ask you how do you think: is there still a chance that we will continue the relationship? How to behave during that meet after the pause and where can we go?

*TL;DR;: The girl wanted a break up for 3 times, we took a pause for a week and after that we will decide what to do. How do you think will the relationship continue? *.

I

TL;DR My relationship started about a year and a half ago as ended a 7 year relationship with a woman I had two kids with. I met my now girlfriend online and we because to talk every single day and it developed very quickly into promising marriage as we both wanted to settle down and start lives. She is from Algeria and I am from America so we both have completely different cultures and had a lot of learning and understanding to do in order for this to work. There were fights because of my previous relationship and certain challenges we had with learning how to deal with me having an ex and two children and her not even having more than one boyfriend, as well as being a virgin. We were on opposite sides of the spectrum when it came to experience. With this came people surrounding me having concerns about the decisions that I was making, and me being a weak man at the time started to overthink my choices of being with her and allowed them to influence me to broaden my horizons. The stress of dealing with being out of a long relationship, dealing with children, working a full time job, challenges with my new relationship, and everyone having an opinion on everything I do led to us being rocky, so we decided to take a break after dating for about 8 months. During this break I listened to my one friend and created a hinge profile, met a woman in America and had a very surface level relationship with her for two months. I kept in contact with the Algerian girl during this relationship with the American girl on and off, because I really felt a deep connection with her. Then I finally came to the realization that she was the only one I wanted and ended the relationship with the American girl and went back to my long distance relationship despite what everyone else was thinking. With this there was a lot of mistrust for me from her part because she felt like I played with her feelings and trust because I had a physical relationship with this other girl which unfortunately included having sex. I have continuously tried to make it up over a course of 6 months or so, but we still keep getting stuck on the same issues, but we both want to try and make this work.

Another thing that leads to issues with my long distance relationship and I is the people surrounding me, especially because they were part of the influence that led me to the point of questioning my decisions. My mom is a very narcissistic woman who isn’t understanding of anyone but herself and refuses to establish a relationship with her at all. She has refused to as much as acknowledge her publicly, add her as a friend on Facebook, or even talk to her in a normal manner. My old best friend refused to even look at this girl or even have a conversations with her because she was Muslim. He even went as far as calling her obscene words the one time he spoke with her on the phone which completely destroyed me and his friendship. He said I had to choose between her and him, I chose her. It seems like everyone in my life has a problem with me being with her, if I remember anything else I will add it in.

Is there any hope in actually saving this relationship?

I (19F) have been dating my boyfriend (18M) for over two months now. we have started talking in november 2024 and he has shown strong interest in me ever since we met. however, i was scared of trusting him in beginning because of my previous relationship and i’ve told him about it and he said he will be nothing like it and its unfair to just reject him straight away for a mistake some other man did. we got along so well, everything was great and i was actually happy that i gave him a chance, we went on so many dates, in the beginning we were quiet and awkward but as days went by, we both got to see our weird sides and always had fun together, he proposed to me with a bouquet on our first date (we knew each other for a month then)but i told him i needed time to know about him and i can’t accept now and he said he would wait for me until i trust him enough and he just wanted to say how he felt about me that he wasn’t playing any games and its real (i told his friend to only talk to me if he has real intentions and i dont have time for no situationships, we knew each other by her), he proposed again in january with a ring and a bouquet but i still didn’t accept but we shared our first kiss then, he still was okay with waiting for me, i knew i wanted to be with him but i was just scared to get my heart broken again so till february, i didnt accept his proposals to be my boyfriend, on one of our dates, i confessed that i also love him and we’ve been together ever since.

since then, i feel like we are not going out on dates as much and hes not asking to meet me as much as he did in the beginning, i understand the lesser dates because he says hes broke for a while and i understand because he wants to compete for bodybuilding and he has to spend a lot on supplements and stuff so i let that go, but he knows my love language is spending quality time and he knows the main reason i broke up with my ex was because he didn’t spend time with me and he never changed.

he knows all this and its been more than a week since we last saw each other, we study in the same college and i went to my hometown for the weekend and came back and its been 4 days since we even saw each other from distance, until i accepted his proposal, he used to want to see me in college during breaks from distance and texts me why i didnt come to the canteen if we didnt, my parents are in town so i have been visiting them after college for the past 3 days but if he had asked to see me before i go or asked me to go a bit later, i would have but he didn’t even acknowledge that we haven’t seen each other in a week and never even said he missed me, we have never been like this, we see each other once everyday atleast from a distance if we’re both staying in town. i recently told him i wanted him to call me more often because thats what i prefer, i used to have communication issues and believed “if he wanted to, he would”, he has expressed that if i just told him what i wanted, he would do it anyhow. so i changed it for him and mentioned things that i want.

but i never mentioned anything to him this time, because this is something so basic that every partner in love would want, if he missed or cared about me, he would’ve atleast called me or told that he miss seeing me or going out with me. i’ve been crying for two days and i think i should start distancing myself from this relationship. because we have had a few arguments about the same issue in the past and it has always been me telling him to spend more time with me, and everytime he swore he would change but he goes back to his past self after a few days, it’s draining me, constantly telling him how i want to be loved, i know its not something as serious as cheating or something but still i feel so distant and unloved, i know he loves me but i don’t understand how he could go more than a week without even seeing my face knowing we’re staying in a 200 meter radius close to each other when its haunting me here. so i’m thinking about acting fine to him and emotionally check out because i’m tired of staying in a relationship where i’m not seen.

TL;DR: my boyfriend and i haven’t seen each other in a week even though we study in the same college and it didn’t even bother him a little bit when it’s haunting me, i never brought this up or communicated with him either and i’m thinking about emotionally checking out and leave him eventually, any advice?

TL;DR Wondering if my relationship is toxic or not.

I (M22) have been thinking for a while now whether or not to end things with my partner (F22). Been together for 7 months., So basically things started out very well at the start as they always tend to do however about 4 months in things started to take a turn. Like she would constantly just snap or flip her mood instantly and would constantly be just having a go at me for literally zero reason. I could be sat in playing games and she would just snap and start going off at how l've done nothing all day bear in mind I clean the house and do the washing near enough all the time. We moved in together within like 3 months of being together. Some might be against that some might not but family issues caused it to be that way weather I liked it or not didnt wanna leave her stranded. Anyways beside the point. I mentioned at the start of the relationship that sex was a big thing for me. For Me it's more intimacy and the like bond that you form with someone if that makes sense? For her it's more of a chore to be done and over with as quick as possible so l'm always left feeling unsatisfied, I've brought this up many of times along with her always snapping and that but she says I'm sorry l'm sorry over and over again and promises to change but nothing ever changes. I'm I the asshole for thinking that maybe leaving is going to be the best option here? She always told me that she's never been treated right in any of her past relationships and from what her friends have told me she doesn't seem to be lying about that. However for me Ive just never had any luck so have always been cheated on in past relationships lol so l'm kinda used to toxic. But I feel like I do deserve to be happy and to not have to deal with someone who save there sorry but never changes anything? I'm just wondering what people's thoughts are on this? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading

hi, i haven’t posted on reddit before, so my apologies if there’s issues with formatting. i’m just looking for some advice because i no longer know what to do, and ive lost all hope with this situation.

i (f20) met my now boyfriend (m20) in July. we sort of met for a second time, as we both talked when we were kids and then moved away to separate cities, and then found ourselves back in our hometown after about five years had passed. I was really excited to look into this relationship and get to know him once again, and it was really nice having somebody else who understood the feeling of being out of place after moving and coming back from a town right as high school had wrapped up.

When we first met, everything was good. I was excited to meet and get to know his friends, because I was trying to reconnect with those I hadn’t spoken to in a while, as well as meet new people in the town that I didn’t go to the same high school as (for the two years of high school that I still lived here, I went to a Catholic high school and my boyfriend and the majority of his friends went to public. Of all of his friend group, I was already friends with two of them and didn’t know the rest of them.)

The issue started after we’ve been talking for about a month. We had decided we weren’t gonna make things official until a month or so of talking had passed because we just wanted to take the time to make sure we were both ready to be in a long-term relationship. He would be invited to go to the bar with his friend group, and when the topic of me coming along came up, everybody would either make an excuse of why they could no longer go or would cancel out right. Because of this, the situation would often end with me saying I could just stay home and his entire friend group going out together without me (all of his friends and all of their girlfriends). those that had cancelled or made excuses would suddenly be able to come, and if I brought back up that I would come along now, they would go back to no longer wanting to go. I didn’t understand why I wasn’t invited and why there was an issue with me coming, but just assumed that maybe it was because we weren’t dating yet and they wanted to wait and see if we were gonna be in a relationship. Come to find out, the girls that my boyfriend had talked to or been hooking up with before me were able to come to hangouts regardless of how long they’ve been talking, some of them coming within three days of meeting him.

We made things official in late August, and he decided to have a fire with his friends, and then be the designated driver for the bar and when he told them that I wanted to come, the same issue repeated itself. The old excuses of not having room in the car didn’t really work because he was the one driving, so now they said that if I tagged along, it would take up a spot for one of his friends girlfriend’s friends that she wanted to bring with her to meet everyone (which was apparently fine and allowed) which wouldn’t be fair to her. This frustrated me because this wasn’t even a friend of the group or a girlfriend, and I had to once again give up my spot and stay home so they could go out even though it was my boyfriend driving. I didn’t understand why they were so weary about getting to know me, but tried to just keep my issues to myself because I still wanted the opportunity to maybe connect with these people in the future.

The first issue arose in about October. After a few months of this continuous cycle, I’d stopped trying to come along in general, and just decided to do my own thing going out and possibly see him and spend a bit of time with him if we ended up at the same bar. One night, my best friend (f20) and I went out on the same night him and his friends were out. For context, the main area for bars for people my age is one long block, and everybody goes between the bars there so people are often walking or outside for a smoke. We passed my boyfriend and his friend multiple times, and every single time my boyfriend wouldn’t even look at me or acknowledge me, which started to really upset me. I wasn’t assuming that I would be able to just follow him and his friends around and cling onto their group, but I thought I would at least get a hello from my boyfriend. we ended up inside the same bar as them by pure coincidence later on in the night, and the same thing happened. At this point, I was feeling pretty defeated as well as a little bit drunk and excused myself to go into the bathroom because I felt like I was going to cry and didn’t wanna cause a scene. During this time, my best friend approached my boyfriend, and told him that she thought he was being really rude, and that he was hurting my feelings and being unfair. This set him off, and I received a bunch of texts from him, saying, I was embarrassing him, and his friends. I was mortified, and texted both him and his friends, an apology, stating that I had no idea she’d say anything and that I didn’t wanna cause an issue. I do feel as though it was a bit of an overreaction from him, because my friend simply approached him on his own and pulled him to the side. after the situation had subsided, he revealed to me a couple weeks later that his friend’s (m19) girlfriend (f19) had pulled him aside before they left the bar and told him that he could confide in her with anything, or that if he wanted to send me a text, he could give her his phone and she could write up a good one to “humble me”. I found this extremely disrespectful, as I didn’t even know this girl and I wasn’t understanding why she felt the need to be involved or try to get my boyfriend to confide in her in things negative about me. another thing that makes me weary about this girl is my boyfriend and our mutual friend (m20) got fairly close over the winter and started hanging out as a trio often, even going on a trip together. On this trip, our friend confided in me that this girl had at one point, said that she found my boyfriend attractive when he first moved back, and I’m wondering if that has anything to do with her specific issue with me. she also has a constant habit of “accidentally“ leaving her phone in my boyfriend‘s car after the bar and needing him to drop it off to her house in the morning, insisting that it just be him that comes and if it is me, she comes out with a very dirty look or sends her boyfriend out to get it.

after this situation, I was completely disinterested in, trying to get to know his friends, and feeling very discouraged. The same cycle repeated itself in which they would make plans to go out and the second my name was mentioned. Nobody wanted to come anymore, so I stopped taking it to heart and stopped asking if I could come altogether, accepting that I’ve done something at some point to rub his friends the wrong way and there was clearly nothing I could do about it.

The second situation came in December. I had scored last minute tickets to a concert. I’ve been wanting to go to for a while that was out of province, so I went with my friend (f20) and my boyfriend offered to watch my cats while I was gone. He asked if he could have the two friends that I knew over, and I said that they were more than welcome to be there. Later on in the night, one of the friends had sent me a snap and his friend and the girlfriend that had mentioned weird things to him before we’re also at my house. I texted my boyfriend and said that I would appreciate if he let me know who was all coming into my house while i as away next time, but that they were more than welcome.

The next weekend, I was invited out with the entire group, including the friend from before and his girlfriend. Quite a few ended up cancelling last minute, which was expected, however those two did show up. The entire night, I tried to make conversation, even offering to buy a round of drinks for the table, but was completely ignored. I would try to say something directly to either one of them to break the ice or strike up a conversation, and instead of responding or acknowledging what I said, they would just stare blankly and then go back to their conversation or start a conversation with somebody else. I was very confused and hurt, so I just focussed on another friend I bumped into at the bar for the rest of the night and didn’t mention anything going home.

I once again stop being invited, and at this point I finally asked my boyfriend if Id done something wrong. he told me that the reason his friends felt uncomfortable around me was because of two people I had hung out with when I first moved back because they didn’t like them. This confused me, because I hadn’t been friends with these people in months and was very vocal about the fact that I no longer hung out with them. Another thing that made the situation even more confusing is that the girlfriend (f20) used to be friends with these people as well. I assumed because of this, she would understand my position and understand that I didn’t know what these people were like when I first started hanging out with them and had immediately cut them off the second any weird drama began.

fast-forward to now. We’ve been dating for nearly 8 months, and the same issue just continues to repeat itself. I’m not invited, when I ask if I’ve done anything wrong instead of getting that excuse, I now get random answers or just told that he doesn’t know, but he doesn’t wanna bring it up and cause problems with his friends. I’m very hurt because all I was ever trying to do was get to know his friends, and I have no idea if I’ve done something to rub them the wrong way. As I’m writing this post, there are plans to go out tonight that I am once again not invited to. This time around, my boyfriend blatantly said to my face that he was going out and that I shouldn’t bother asking to come because I’m not invited. I confided in a close friend about this situation, and he offered up a solution that he said I wouldn’t want to hear but needed to consider. he said that maybe there was a chance that my boyfriend was saying negative things about me to his friends, or he was the one saying that he didn’t want me to come or that I wasn’t invited and just flipping the story to me so that I wouldn’t tag along. This upset me because if it’s true, I don’t know why he would be doing this or how to even salvage the situation at all.

i’m at my wits end, and I don’t know what to do. I really wish that I could find a solution to this, because it would be nice to be able to put myself out there with new people as well as be able to attend the various fires, get-togethers, and hang outs that they often throw.

another reason this is a concern for me is because my boyfriend is about to go back to work. In the summer, he works for up to 12 hours a day, and has only one day off per week. Last summer, he would often use that one day off to see his friends when I wouldn’t be invited and because of it, I often only got to see him on long days after 12 hour shift and he would simply drop in and go home, which I understood. I just really don’t want the same issues to repeat itself this summer where I’m only seeing my boyfriend once or twice per week for less than an hour and he’s continually using his one day off to go to the bar with his friends and make it very clear that I’m not welcome.

for a small amount of additional back up information, my boyfriend has never really stood up for me in these conversations, and simply takes their discomfort as an immediate note. I haven’t seen him ask them what the issue is, and when they ask to go to the bar and he brings my name up and they immediately get weird about it, he doesn’t ask why and doesn’t just bring me along anyways.

Does anybody have any advice or any idea ideas as to what I could’ve done or how to solve this situation?

thanks for reading, eager to hear advice :)

TL;DR: my boyfriend‘s friends hate me for no reason and I don’t understand why. I don’t know what to do anymore. I need help knowing if this situation is worth salvaging or if something is happening that I’m not considering.

what should i do? i love my girlfriend she is lovely and she loves me sm that she doesn't mean to hurt me, in the very beggining she asked me if i'm not okay with how close she is to her guy friends, i said that it bothers me but i am willing to take it for her and i will bear it for her, she meant one of her friends not all of them though, i know who is she talking about but i wanted to be with her so i was willing to bear it for her but i feel that it's affecting me negativally as i keep getting upset but i try to hide it for her i try to hide it to keep my promise as i promised her to never affect her relationship with him specially, but she is too close to him that i started to get hurt a lot becausec of him and tbh i really hate this guy we go study together usually and after finishing i walk her home, i thought like thats our thing i do it just with her and no one else i keep it exclusively to her but yesterday she was studying with him and another friend of them and after studying she walked home with them as usual i kept it inside me i took all the damage and shut my mouth but i was hurt, it is not like we do much together so i thought this is maybe our thing its just us me and her but she does it with other friends, i feel jealous tbh but this is not the only thing as this guy did hurt me before, he didn't mean to but i really hate him and now as she keeps getting closer to him it hurts i promissed her that i will never ask her to keep some distance or anything but i think i do a lot for her but she wouldn't respect how i feel so i try to keep everything inside and it really hurts me.

TL;DR; : what should i do in this situation? i am not happy or comfortable at a relationship but i love my girlfriend

Hey my (24m) girlfriend (23f) have been going out for just over a year we are going through a tough patch and I need advice on how to help

I will start off and say I have not been perfect in the relationship and a couple of time if ever I thought she was going to be mad at me I have lied that being said I have tried to fix this and be completely honest with her from now on

The problem we are having constantly is about me and my ability to not recognise situations like I have a female co worker and house mate (22f) I work in a cinema and after we close it's not uncommon for us to stay and watch movies however in this case it was just myself and my co worker and my girlfriend had a problem with it just being us . We talked and I accepted that I was wrong

A few months later I watch basketball late at night with my co worker and housemate I decided to do this is my room to which my gf had a problem again once again I admitted I was wrong and should be alone with this girl in my room

Next time I asked my gf if it was ok for me to watch this match with her my gf said it's no problem so I decided to watch once again in my room I figured since I told my gf she would bhave no problem with it She still had a problem with this

So I realised a general theme here my gf just doesn't like me hanging out with this girl but she is adamant that is not the case and I can have my own friends

Now none of these problems were communicated effectively to me she would bget angry ignore me for a few hours and then she would get angry having to explain what I did wrong . I have really bad anxiety so sitting there to stew drives me crazy

Another issue is with my Instagram account I have cheated in the past with a different person completely different relationship than with my girlfriend right now I told her this

So I created a new account when I got with my girlfriend so anyone I have added has been while I have been with my gf a couple months ago she went through my followers and got mad at me for following a few girls she deemed easy now the small issue I had with this was that I actually knew these ppl in real life since then I have unfollowed anyone I think my gf would be uncomfortable with me following

Up until recently there has not been any more issues I went out with my co workers a few days ago and a girl I kissed over a year ago before I met my gf was there note I was following this girl on Instagram after my night I stayed with my gf and told her that girl was there to which she seemed to not have a problem

However when we woke up in the morning after a couple hours she asked to see the girl I obliged and showed her via Instagram and then my gf got angry because I was following her

We tried to resolve the issue but this was after she left the room and left me there knowing she was angry

It's important to note after every argument I have compromised and moved and rolled over and apologized understanding her point however this has affected me all weekend and it's now seems to be leading to deeper problems

So my question is help please have I done something wrong? And what can I do to fix it I will do anything I can

Tldr I need advice on how to approach this to make sure my side is understood and how do I make her more comfortable with trusting me and how I can help any advice is helpful

My BF 25M and I 22F have been together for 4 years. We're at the point where we're both starting serious jobs and we want to move in together. But one thing is holding me back. For the entirety of our relationship there's been the same hurdle to overcome again and again. I need reassurance, and my BF struggles to give me that. I guess reassurance is a love language of mine that he doesn't speak. Literally.

The first time I brought it up, it was in regards to him never complimenting me. I would spend hours getting ready, doing my hair a different way, putting on a nice new dress. He wouldn't say anything. So one time I told him it made me a little insecure. He said I get enough compliments from other people, he didn't think it mattered if he gave them too. He wasn't wrong, I often get compliments, but I don't care about other people's opinions, I want to hear it from him. And after that, I started noticing it in other things.

We usually call once a day but he never lets me hear from him otherwise. No good morning texts, no goodnight texts. When I go on a trip, no safe flight texts nor does he tell me he misses me or anything. For celebrations I usually make him a card. He's not very artistic so I wouldn't expect the same, but he doesn't even buy new cards, he uses old ones he has from museums or holidays or whatever. One time for valentine's day he literally gave me a card from a postcard book I had gifted him one time. He'll give me flowers for valentine's day but not throughout the rest of the year.

I've brought all this up many times but we always come to the same point. I tell him I feel neglected in this way and I'd like a little more reassurance, a little more intention. Then I console him because he tells me he's trying very hard and he doesn't know what else to do. He'll say he does think of me but it doesn't come up in him to tell me.

I love him so much and I hate to keep hurting him by bringing this up, but his lack of thoughtfulness also hurts me. I want to build a future with him but it's hard when I'm the only one who thinks about that future. In every other way I feel very connected to him, he understands me and sometimes he will say or do something that makes me think he really is listening, or I'll start to question how important these small things really are that I put so much pressure on.

It's like I get stuck in this disappointment because when I dress up, or I go away, or I drop a hint that tulips are back in season, I build up anticipation even though I know that my expectations are too high.

Sorry for the rambling. How can I find a middle ground with him? How can we break this cycle? Is there a way that I can remind him without it feeling like I'm the only one putting in the work and thus it feeling ingenuine? Or do I need to work toward letting this need go?

TLDR: My bf doesn't give me the reassurance I ask of him and we're stuck in a cycle of disappointment.

I (39M)want to start by saying that I absolutely love this woman (28F)We’ve only been together about 2 months. The vast majority of the time we are together is amazing. We are currently a week into a trip together in Costa Rica and for the most part it has been magical.

Until it isn't.

She lets little things that I do build up until she get soooo frustrated with me. And then all the things she's been frustrated about come out at once. Some of the things are so small too, which to her credit she does acknowledge.

But it feels like she has a sort of internal piggy bank that gets full and cracks open and it's only then that I realize what I could have been doing differently. I don't know if I'm making mistakes until the bank breaks.

And the bigger problem is that when she gets this frustrated it becomes much harder to have an egalitarian conversation about these things. She has a way of shutting me down when I speak on my behalf, and this is when she can get mean. It's not so much her words, it's the totality of her energy. It's her eyes, her tone of voice, etc.

And honestly, even when she does get mean these conversations are usually ok. She's not mean for the whole time and I'm usually able to get her to put her stinger away. But she's mean enough to where I'm really hurting right now. I try so hard to be an amazing partner for this wor I love her so much. But my god l'm at a loss right.

What should I do here? Any advice is appreciated. This is not a moral issue and I don’t think either of us is right or wrong here. I just want to get in a better alignment with her.

TL;DR: things are great overall but some communication issues can create tense situations and outright meanness.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. I don’t know if I’m being controlling or I’m just establishing boundaries in our relationship? Where do I draw the line?

I have voiced out to him multiple times in the past few months that I am bothered by the type of content that some of the people he follows posts, particularly, thirst traps/bikini pictures. But he never does anything about it.

Last night, I’ve asked him if he could stop following them for my peace of mind but he insisted that they were his friends before and that he can’t control what they post.

It bothers me so much because if you look at his instagram account, you wouldn’t even think he has a girlfriend. He would occasionally post me on his ig stories but there has been two instances where he has posted me and I’ve caught him, hide the post from those women.

It has come to a point where I’m questioning just how important it is for him to follow these women (who, at this point, are no longer his friends bc it has been that long) that it mattered more to him than our relationship?

It has put a lot of things into perspective for me. I’ve realised that if he can’t sacrifice this little thing for my peace of mind now, then what kind of future will we have together when things will only get harder as we grow older?

Because of this realisation, I have decided that I wanted to break up with him and now all of a sudden it’s so easy to unfollow them.

TL;DR: It bothers me that my boyfriend is following women who posts thirst traps/bikini pictures. I’ve asked him if he can maybe remove them but he insists that they are his old friends and can’t control what they post.

TL;DR: I was disowned by my father after years of abuse and have since rebuilt my life. He’s now 91M, very ill, and I’m being pressured to visit — but I’m conflicted.

I’m 28F, one of 7 siblings. I had a traumatic upbringing filled with emotional and physical abuse. I was always the scapegoat despite being quiet and reserved. At 20, my mum kicked me out while I was unwell. At 25, after being assaulted and mentally struggling, I returned home, but my dad kicked me out again. I was briefly homeless, but I rebuilt my life — I now have a good job and rent out my home to two lovely women.

My dad, who disowned me, is now 91 and very unwell — confused, unable to care for himself, possibly near the end. I’ve been asked to visit him before it’s too late. But I feel nothing. Just numbness. I was deeply hurt by him and never got closure. Now I’m being pressured to go, but I’m torn. Any advice?

I have been seeing a guy for about a month who I really like -- so far, we share similar values and seem to be compatible emotionally and sexually. We met completely by chance when I wasn't looking for any sort of romantic connection but we immediately clicked.

We've gone on 6-7 dates and they've all been great - so fun and we have a ton in common. We both expressed we wanted to take things slowly and get to know each other.

But the thing is - right now, my life is kind of a dumpster fire. I have A LOT happening and not a lot of free time. I'm working a lot and have a ton of after hours work events coming up and a ton of deadlines, need to find a new place to live within a month, and haven't been taking the best care of myself / dealing with depression. I also recently got in trouble at work for my issues with lateness because I have been sleeping terribly.

I really like spending time with this guy - he's been understanding of everything and we always have a great time together. So far, I could see him as a potential long term partner.

Anyway - despite how much I like him, I realized this week that I am overwhelmed and really need to take some time to focus solely on finding a new place and moving and fixing my sleep schedule and routine so I don't lose my job. My priorities are out of whack and I need to reset.

I think it will probably take me about 4-5 weeks to get my shit sorted out.

How do I communicate this to him in a way where it doesn't sound like I'm making up an excuse? I fully intend to see him again once my life calms down.

TL;DR: My life is in absolute chaos right now and I'm extremely stressed out and not myself. Spending time with a guy I am really into is like an escape from the stress of real life but it distracts me from pressing issues I need to address asap. I need to put my own oxygen mask on over the next 4-5 weeks. How do I communicate this to him in a way where it doesn't sound like I'm making up an excuse?

So, I (20F) have been dating a guy (26M) for 5 months. We met on a Discord server and I really enjoyed talking to him, and he felt the same. We started chatting there and slowly fell in love with each other. But we decided to take things slow and not rush anything. We used to chat all day and night, frequently calling each other on Discord. The more we talked, the more attached I became.

After a month of talking, we decided to share our Instagram handles. We started sending each other reels constantly, and everything felt so good. At first, he used to ask me for my pictures daily, saying he wanted to start his day with my face and that he liked looking at me. So, I used to send him pictures regularly.

In the beginning, I was a bit immature, and we did get into a lot of arguments. They weren’t major, but I still hated arguing with him. He was so sweet, kind, caring, and very loving. He made me laugh, flirted with me daily, and always made me blush. ‎

‎But I was hiding a secret from him. I was really falling deeply in love with him, and since I wanted to marry him someday, I felt I needed to tell him the truth before things got too serious. So at the end of December, I asked him if he could call me because I had something serious to tell him. He said okay and called me at 8 PM. That’s when I told him that I was divorced. ‎

‎He was really shocked—which was totally understandable. I told him it was okay if he wanted to leave me, but he said he loved me and that it didn’t matter whether I was divorced or not. He also opened up about his past relationship and how his ex hurt him a lot and gave him trauma. I promised him that no matter what, I’d treat him right and never leave him. ‎

‎I asked him if he was really serious about this relationship, because I wanted to let my family know about him. I was seriously in love and wanted to marry only him. He said he was serious too and wanted to marry me someday, but said we should first get to know each other more, and then involve our families—which I agreed to, we exchange our number's and started talking in WhatsApp and started to do normal call. ‎

‎But after that call that day, he started becoming a lot busier. Now, it’s hard to even talk to him through texts, and our calls have also started to lessen. He would text me early in the morning, but when I replied, he wouldn’t even read my texts for hours. I understood that he was really busy and didn’t have time, and I didn’t point it out because I knew he didn’t do it intentionally. ‎

‎But still, I had to literally beg him to call me. Most of the time, he’d say no, saying he hardly had any time to talk. He started changing a lot over these past 3 months. He stopped asking for my pictures, he stopped giving me time. I know he was really busy, but couldn't he at least send me a single text saying he’d be busy all day, and maybe only available at night? That would’ve been enough for me. But he never did that. ‎

‎He also stopped telling me where he was going or who he was with. He would go out with friends or family and I’d only find out after I asked him. He became really moody and started talking harshly and rudely, which hurt me a lot. I would cry at night sometimes after reading his messages because of how much he had changed. ‎

‎I tried many times to communicate with him, but he always avoided the conversation. He hardly ever opened up about what he was feeling, and it started becoming harder and harder for me to deal with. I never wanted to accuse or blame him—I just wanted him to understand me and my feelings. I just wanted to tell him how his behavior was hurting me, but he always took it personally and would stop texting me until I messaged him first. ‎

‎And since you know he was so busy, it was hard to talk to him during the day. So whenever he did message me, I’d instantly reply—no matter what I was doing or how busy I was. Just one minute of talking to him was enough for me. I never asked much from him—just love, loyalty, reassurance, and honesty. ‎

‎Some of his behavior felt really double-standard and hypocritical. Whenever he didn’t see my messages for 5–6 hours, it was because he was busy. But if I did the same, he’d accuse me of intentionally ignoring him. He even said I’m immature and overly sensitive. And I agree—I used to be immature, maybe I still am, but I’ve really been trying to change for him. ‎

‎Whatever he asked me to do—whether it was sending nudes, videos, or voice notes—I tried to do it. But sometimes I just couldn’t, because of privacy reasons. I live with my family, so it’s hard to take intimate pictures of myself. Still, I tried my best. But he’d still say I don’t value him enough or don’t give him priority, and that really hurts… because I was doing everything I could to please him. ‎

‎I’m not saying I’m perfect or that I’ve never made mistakes. I’ve made plenty—maybe they weren’t big, but whenever I did mess up, I instantly apologized. But he never, ever accepted his own faults. He always tried to make himself look like a saint, constantly saying he never does anything wrong. ‎

‎Everything was going well and we were both happy. Then one day, while we were teasing and joking around, he said he wanted 3 more wives (we are both Muslim, and in Islam, men are allowed to marry up to 4 women). It did hurt me, but I didn’t take it seriously because I thought he was just teasing me. I thought he’d drop the topic eventually, but he kept bringing it up again and again. ‎

‎Sometimes I got mad and asked him to stop saying that or I wouldn’t talk to him. He said he was just joking to tease me, so I let it go and didn’t say much more. Over the five months, we’ve had arguments and misunderstandings, but we always ended up coming back to each other and starting fresh. ‎

‎Fast forward to a few days ago—he brought up the topic of having four wives again while we were talking. This time I had enough. I finally confronted him and asked directly if he truly wanted multiple wives. I told him if the answer was yes, then he could leave right now because I’m not okay with sharing my man, and I’ll never accept him marrying other women. ‎

‎That led to an argument. He didn’t text me the whole day until I sent him a good night message, which he replied to at 4 AM. I texted again asking if he’d had lunch, and he mockingly replied, “Main lunch nahi karta, ayasi karta hoon.” Then he said he was going out of state for a vacation and that he’d tell me his decision—whether he wants multiple marriages or not—after 10 days. ‎

TL;DR: I (20F) have been dating a guy (26M) for 5 months. Things were amazing at first, but he slowly became distant and hurtful. I’m feeling confused and hurt, trying to figure out if this relationship is still worth it.

‎ps: we are both in long distance relationship , he was from udaipur ( rajasthan) I'm from Kolkata ( west bengal)

TL;DR! My girlfriend had a fight with my friend at work and wants me to text her to suggest she changes jobs.

I’ve been in my (29M) current relationship for 9 months. I love my girlfriend (23F), things are going well despite the occasional argument, nothing special. I also have a female best friend (29F) who I've known longer than my partner, but there has never been any desire for something more between us

At the beginning of the relationship, I introduced my girlfriend to my friend, they got along, and sometimes my girlfriend kept in more frequent contact with my friend than I did. I work at the same company as my girlfriend. She’s been there longer than me, recommended me during recruitment, and that's how I started working there. The same thing happened in March with my friend. My GF recommended her during recruitment, and now the three of us work at the same company, though in different positions.

Last week, I was off work because I was on sick leave, and something happened that I had considered might happen one day, but I didn’t think it would be now. My girlfriend and my friend had such a huge falling out at work that my girlfriend no longer sees any possibility of continuing a relationship with my friend. After hearing both sides, reading screenshots of messages sent after the argument at work, I believe my girlfriend is more to blame for the situation, and I feel bad about it. I know I should be loyal to the person I call my partner, but some toxic things that came from her during their argument make it hard for me to look at the situation differently.

Three days after their argument, I returned to work, and my friend went on sick leave, which we didn’t know about. My girlfriend was stressed at the thought of possibly running into my friend at work, but as I mentioned earlier, she was on sick leave and didn’t come in. My girlfriend cannot imagine working with my friend any longer. She says that either one of them has to change jobs.

My girlfriend accuses me of being blinded and always defending my friend, while I accuse her of thinking that anything other than agreeing with her is defending my friend. What's the truth? I don’t know.

And now, to the point. Yesterday, my girlfriend asked me to suggest to my friend that she should change jobs, which seems like a completely out of touch to me, but that’s what she suggested. What should I do?

tldr: arrested development parents in abusive relationships that force them to be self centered, absent people.

is there anyway to help my relationship with my parents or theirs? both have been divorced since the mid 2000s and are currently in abusive relationships going on 10+ years (& therefore are abusive in their own way). they come to me (22 f) for support and to vent about their relationship issues but disregard how it could possibly affect me. my dad is pretty much out of the picture, I talk to him every 3-6 months when he wants to guilt me about not contacting him (his gf terrorized me from 11-18). my mom (who l have a lot more contact with) has parentified me to the extreme - I am her emergency fund, house cleaner, insurance agent, therapist and the person to take her anger out at whenever she's upset. I know my parents don't consider me but I feel like I am always considering them -their actions and how theyve made me feel my entire life, if they're okay or something terrible is going happen to them etc. I know these are things I can't control but im kinda going crazy just because at my age im having a lot of i need my parent moments.

Tldr: Boyfriend 25m almost broke up with me 22f over me checking his Instagram followers

My partner and I have been together for around 1.5 years. I caught him sexting a large number of other women in November last year. He claimed that this was not cheating as no physical contact was involved. He emphasized this point again and again: he did not recognise that he did anything wrong as what he did didn't fit his definition of cheating.. He was also upset that I had invaded his privacy and checked his messages: he said that if I invaded his privacy in the future the relationship would be over . I chose to stay and work it out. That incident has made me extra paranoid about his online interactions. I respect his privacy and do not go through his messages (despite there being a strong precedent to do so). I occasionally check if he has followed anyone new on Instagram (this information is available freely on his Instagram profile so it is public information and looking at the following list cannot qualify as an invasion of privacy).

This morning I looked at a profile of a female friend of his. It was listed in his following list which is publically available. I sent her a follow request on Instagram. She messaged him and asked who I was. This prompted him to blow up my phone about invading his privacy again. He then deleted all his social media profiles. I went home from work early to talk to him. He had binge drunk half a bottle of Jagermeister and was extremely upset. He tried to send me away, but when I gave up and decided to leave to chased after me and told me to stay. We then had a prolonged discussion about what happened. He again and again told me that if violated his privacy by looking at his following list. He was upset that I did not trust him and that my paranoia towards his female friends is unfounded and inappropriate. I explained that his past actions have caused this paranoia. I told him I was sorry if what I did made him uncomfortable, but my actions were barely an invasion of his privacy.

He told me the relationship was over, but then went back on this decision and told me he forgives me. He was extremely drunk during the entire interaction.

I understand that these two incidents mirror each other. In the first incident I was upset because I consider what he did to be cheating. He did not agree with my definition of cheating. In the second incident, he was upset because he considered what I did to be an invasion of privacy. I disagree with his definition of privacy.

I'm not really sure what to make of all this. It has been a very long day today and it's difficult to think clearly.

Me (late 20sF) and my wife (late 20sF) have a friend (early 30sM, I’ll call Greg) who we met through our other friend (20sF, I’ll call Sarah). Sarah and Greg live together in a houseshare.

We originally were only friends with Sarah, but started hanging out with her housemates over the past year, and became fairly good friends with Greg, and we’ve since hung out with him a number of times separately from Sarah and their other housemates.

The other day we hung out with Sarah and her boyfriend (20sM, I’ll call Sam), and then Greg texted us and asked if we wanted to hang out. We asked Sarah and Sam if it was ok if Greg came and joined, and they said it was, but then Sam said he was going to leave. He’s a super laid back guy (and very nice, we don’t know him super well but we love him), so my wife jokingly was like “Oh, do you not like Greg?”

It turns out that a couple months ago, Greg was drunk and said something racially motivated to Sam (for context everyone is white except Sam, who’s Indian). As Greg was just about to come over, Sarah didn’t want to talk shit about him, so wouldn’t let Sam tell us what was said. It turns out that they have never discussed the incident with Greg — Sarah wanted to bring it up with him when it happened, but Sam didn’t want to make a fuss. Apparently Greg also said or did something not nice to another of the housemates, but it wasn’t to do with race and we also don’t know what was said in that case.

So the dilemma is that obviously making a racist comment to Sam is a hard line for us, but we’re not sure how to fizzle out the friendship without overstepping our place and saying what we heard. We don’t know what was said, and we know that it was never discussed, so it doesn’t feel like our place to break it to Greg, but he’ll obviously be confused if we just stop hanging out with him with no real explanation, as we’ve just been getting closer recently and have been hanging out more and more.

We wouldn’t care about upsetting someone who’s said something racist, but Sarah and Greg have to live together for a few more months, so if we’re the ones to tell him that he said something not okay when Sarah/Sam haven’t spoken to him about it, I think it’ll make Sarah’s living situation with him really awkward and uncomfortable, and Sam was adamant that she not bring it up with Greg.

Is the solution to just let it fizzle, and then if Greg asks why, we just make something up?

TL;DR Friend said something racially motivated to our other friend, but we don’t know what was said and it has never been spoken about to the friend who said it. We don’t know how to end the friendship without saying what we know and potentially making their living situation uncomfortable

My boyfriend M24 hasn’t slept with me F25 in almost 2 months and I don’t know what to do. For context, my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 11 months. He moved in with me about 3 months ago. We both had 6 year long relationships prior to meeting each other. Mine was more so as an adult and was a very serious healthy relationship, with an engagement at one point. His was during his teenage years, it was an abusive relationship. In the beginning, we had really great sex. It was exactly what I was wanting. About a month in this began to change and it would be less and less. He would say that he was tired or it was too late so I respected this and would not say anything. It started to lower to maybe 2 times a month over time and now it has been about 2 months since anything has happened.

We have talked about this and he has gotten very emotional about it. Sometimes yelling or crying. He has said that he feels really insecure about it. He says that his body physically doesn’t want to but his mind does. He said that it tears him a part that he can’t do this and that it breaks his heart. During a heated argument, he said that he doesn’t enjoy it (later he came back and said that this wasn’t true at all) and that he has never made love to me because he doesn’t know how to do that “emotional stuff.” This problem has been going on outside of me/before he even met me for years where he has said he doesn’t want to have sex with anyone. He personally thinks that perhaps a medical issue is going on. His brother has low testosterone and is being treated for this, so my BF wants to get this checked on too. He also said there is a lot on his mind, understandably, so that has been weighing on him. He said that he loves having sex with me. There is nothing to do with us not exploring enough in the bedroom and doing the right things to satisfy each other. I’ve opened up that conversation to ask if there is anything he wants to do, is there anything he doesn’t like, or should we try other things. He always says no that what we do is perfect and he loves it. We are intimate outside of sexual activities so there is that connection and love there.

I struggle with this a lot. I value have sexual intimacy in a relationship. This is starting to really tear me down- making me feel insecure about my body and not being good enough. Feeling low overall. Somewhat detached from him too. I am trying so hard to be compassionate and understanding. It is just so frustrating at the same time and I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to leave him. I would never consider cheating on him/ being with anyone else. Also, I trust him immensely. I have not gotten the impression that he is cheating on me in any way. He values his word, and has never done anything to make me doubt him. He has given me full access to his phone and doesn’t even have a password on it. I mainly struggle because I do want to have sex. It really matters to me. This is bringing up so many insecurities for me.

So what should I do? What would you do? How can I be more supportive but also honoring what I want (a relationship that includes sexual intimacy)? I want to be the best partner I can be. It is his body and I respect his choices. Just feel at a loss about how to handle this- I do not want to pressure him at all. I love him so much. I will always work through it with him. Sorry this is so long, this is my first post ever.

TL;DR: Boyfriend hasn’t slept with me in almost 2 months. How should I handle this?

(30F) was in a group chat Allison (31F), Megan (31F), and Jen (32F).

We have been friends since high school and have used the chat as a place to talk and vent. Allison and Jen have gone through severe depression, relationship/family issues, and more.

My father passed away in November. His birthday was April 1.

I have ongoing issues with my live in mother in law. Megan lived with her boyfriend’s parents for a long time and it severely impacted her mental health. Allison has issues with her MIL. We have used the group chat to vent.

A couple months ago, Megan left the chat for issues not related to me. She and I were the most active in the chat. The dynamic in the chat shifted after she left, and I was more active than others, but still asking the others about their lives.

This Thursday I had an argument with my MIL and then my husband. I was in crisis and decided to visit my hometown and for 4 days. From Thursday-Tuesday, I vented to the group about both my issues at home and feelings about my dad

On Wednesday, Allison sent a long message to the group saying I had turned it into a “crisis hotline” and am not taking steps to change or my situation. She said I have been in crisis for 6 months, which I don’t feel is true (6 months is close in date to when my dad passed).

I would have no issue if she said she needs a break for her mental health and cannot hold space for friends. I felt her message was cruel.

When Allison left the chat, she said “I hope you both feel like you can directly reach out/message me to keep in touch”. I sent her a message the same length as the final message in group chat, and did not hear back. I felt hurt and sent another message today.

She replied, and in the message said that my dad lived a full life (he had me at 59 and my mom was 40, so I will lose both parents at a much earlier age than most of my peers. She said I “completely dismissed” her very cherished dog passing less than a year ago. When her dog passed, I offered support and condolences in the chat. She says I had “rich parents” (based on my mom’s current financial situation, it is very likely that I will get no inheritance at all). My parents weren’t wealthy, just older and retired with more disposable income. She said I had a college fund. Her parents paid for her college education.

She and her husband are very well off and he has generational wealth. They are currently living abroad for a year and she has had difficulty adjusting and experienced depression.

She says I am making “everyone’s struggle a competition” and I don’t think that’s true. I think there is a sense of scale, and not all problems have the same sense of severity, particularly problems that can be solved with money.

TL;DR: my friend felt I was monopolizing our group chat while in crisis and sent a message I felt was cruel. She thinks I am making my suffering a competition and that I have been insensitive to her problems.