if you don’t have have anyone to talk or don’t want to talk to anyone you know, talking to chat gp t can really help. i was feeling incredibly anxious, so for the first time i decided to talk to it. it was such a validating experience and i felt surprisingly better. this may not be the same for everyone but i just wanted to share how i felt. sometimes all you want is a little validation to help you feel better. it also gave me some great advice.

As my title says, I'm a trans woman. Part of the trans experience once you realize you're trans is memories flooding back. I remember my parents frequently hitting me, especially in my high school years. The worst one was when I was in the middle of a manic episode and yelling and cursing and my dad grabbed me by the neck and slammed me against the wall.

I brought it up to my mom the other day and she said "We did that because we love you.".

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I was also gonna put a religious abuse flair but I could only put one. My mother (my dad's an agnostic protestant) forced me and my siblings into Catholicism. I'd BEG and BEG not to go, and she'd just say "It's what you need to do, once you're confirmed then you can make your own decisions". I tried diving out of my self hating lesbian aunt's car on the way. Then in like 7th grade it was ALL "adam and eve not adam and steve" and "masturbating makes you have hairy hands and can cause blindness". I'd draw pictures of my gravestone with rainbows and priests laughing at me and she STILL made me fucking go.

The other day she was like "Oh I don't believe in all the strict stuff anymore". WELL GOOD FOR FUCKING YOU! I was embarrassed as a kid cause "r's mommy won't let him watch or read harry potter" or anything that wasn't approved by the Vatican (which is hilarious since they're murderous pederasts).

I'll NEVER forget- I was walking out of church with her as a kid, and this guy on the front steps was holding a big sign with the beautiful and book-of-peace line about how queer people deserve death and my mom said "Well, that's just his first amendment right" when I was rightfully upset. She told me not to associate with gay kids.

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I wanna ask her, since I was the only one who got beat, "do you not love my siblings as much?". Like my existence got all their abusive tendencies out for them to really try to be good parents to my siblings. I still live at home, I'm not working. I just feel like I'm stuck in fucking concrete. I don't hate my parents. I love them- they've done so much for me and moved mountains- and they're at least trying to call me Rainn now. I just can't square downplaying the abuse.

Funny that my mom was so gung-ho about premarital sex and fornication when she was pregnant with me at her wedding lmao.

My aunty had friends sitting outside the hospital (androids have been able to detect AirTags for a while) room to watch if I was actually watching my mum, it ended up freaking me out so badly I had to leave early one day. Idk how to reconcile with the fact that my mum might have died falsely thinking that I'm a drug dealer, and that my family decided to perpetuate our culture's gossipy nature and stress her out in her final days.

We all deserved better

I legit feel like everyone is trying to get me locked up in drugs cause I get people saying sometimes like go see a therapist or hospital and in my experience all they have done is just get me arrested make a big scene and take me to hospital and people attack me to for hating meds it just feels like people want me drugged up with traumatic side effects or in hospital or bankrupt from therapy that's why I get so furious of people telling me to seek help like I feel like I'm putting my life and sanity on the line and get help and people don't line how I see shit for how it really is like I don't even know what to do I really wish I could get treatment like mc or psychedelic assisted therapy but regulations where I'm at are so high I just dunno what to do I'm tired of being like this but no one is giving me a fucking chance seems like people just give cloche advice and im sick of it I got no family to support me I have no job I'm like this 24/7 just flashbacks everyone I know just ends up betraying me or calls welfare checks and people sit there saying they want me to live well I'm in so much pain I feel like sometimes people want me in pain either that or they are ignorant seems like all the help people peddled and the town I live in with all the tight as regulations is just set up to hurt me

The fact that I have lived at least 30 years past the time that I, at 19, figured I’d be dead by, is kind of freaking me out.

I cringe at the “only the good die young” trope.

I’m just wondering if my anger at Michael Hutchence is legit.

I would love advice on dealing with this. I still have to live with these people!

Messages with my sperm donor today.

So, I am gonna try to keep this short but about my hair. I , I’ll just go with J , am 20F dad is 43?M grandma/ well my mom is 65F

My hair has always been an issue. Starting with camp when I was 13/14? The summer before 8th grade getting it cut. I always wanted short hair since I was little since my family and alcoholic uncle who used to live with me and my mom when I was 3-6 and abuse me (her son) would use it to yank me around and hold me down when drunk. After being bullied and jumped by bullies tormented in middle school using my hair to hold me down it had been finalized I wanted the sh it gone. I went for it and cut it at camp which was yes an event where we went to a salon day and parents had signed off on it. They even told me they called my parents and lied that they said it was ok when I started getting anxious about it. Long story short my mother/grandmother lost it harrasing the camp so bad I got banned and cried trying to hide it from me the entire 5 hour plane ride and the whole way home. My dad lost it shouting and hitting stuff and yelling at us the next day when he saw it after we went in the morning to get it fixed. He then said to me in private “you need extentions or something” and “congratulations you’ve made yourself look even bigger now” and “I could say look for the girl with long hair before but now I’ll have to say look for the fat kid” if he ever lost me. Saying since I was 10 they made me keep it long to hide me. I didn’t cut it til prom. I was F18 he was M40? And I texted him after saying don’t freak out it’s short. I thought a heads up would help so I didn’t have to see what he did. He then messaged back angrily as I was getting my shoes inside and slammed the garage open rushing over to find us. I turned around to grab something on the staircase and he lost it on me screaming what the f! Why would you let her! To my mom and went slamming the door as he ran out to the garage and we just heard stuff shattering of his artwork and rv cars he works on. Wouldn’t look at me that night and refused to see me. Not even my graduation about a month ish later did he see me that night either. Now today , after he was in the same room not paying attention when I made the hair appointment is mad again today. This is our convo while I was at the salon. After I got home he just said “what the f” and “Noo!” Repeating it going to his room in my grandmas house. My bf who now lives with us since 2023 saying after him “she looks good!” Trying to help. He then went downstairs and I went asking him at least what he thought of the new color and he wouldn’t look at me saying you know it’s not about the color dismissive. My grandma mom’s only reaction was just a text saying ok to the photo and for her that seems angry. Very long story aside.

TLDR: my family is obsessed with my hair and have been for a long time. I went to change it completely today and is this a normal convo for a dad and daughter to have when she is an adult about her changing her hair? I need to know I am not alone or that I’m not crazy, pls Reddit. I will say I cut a lot. About lower back butt to shoulder. So I understand it’s a change.

I am having an extremely difficult time just moving on from a lot of emotional and mental pain my mother has caused me.

I used to think I was just overly sensitive to some of her behavior. She has many strengths and positives and she can be helpful, so it's hard to go no contact especially when my son and newly born daughter love and need their grandma.

She tells me to I just have to forgive her but doesn't take true accountability and really understand what she's done. It brings out a mean side of me and she's been forcing this inauthentic relationship with me, that I'm so uncomfortable with. She's really pushing to come over or buy stuff, etc. which don't get me wrong I am grateful.

There's been recent things that just keep happening and hurting me, she did apologize. But I think it's like kinda too late, I've had enough, kinda thing. I pardon my mom a lot bc she had a bad childhood and grew up crappy, but I know when my kids were born I had to work on myself a great deal to be the mom they deserve. I am 31 I do not want that relationship w her I wanted when I was young. And I honestly don't know if I want one at all, but she is family and my only baby sitter that I very rarely need and I trust her completely w my children.

Final straws for me included -me having to yell at her for not being involved in any of my wedding planning whatsoever and being extremely negative about anything I wanted to do for it.

-making excuses for her golden child when he failed to acknowledge the birth of his niece but was repeatedly posting on Facebook

-screaming at me when I was pregnant that I needed to get up and clean my house and take care of stuff, but I was actually very sick in and out of the hospital w some terrible virus and not able to eat for days. I really needed her help

-telling my son she'll be there to get him and then cancelling on him more than once. For valid reasons but still I'm left to deal w his hurt from that.

• knowing we were going through the newborn phase with a toddler, and not taking any time to help or come over. Now I know it's not an obligation but it's her grandchildren I figured she'd want to.

-watching my son and bc I didn't give her diapers she put a dirty pee filled one back on him bc she "was babysitting" and couldn't get diapers even though my father is retired at home and she has a car seat...

-coming to my house and criticizing my husband for not taking out a bunch of cardboard we had downstairs that we were waiting to take bc it was the holidays and we had a lot more coming.

On top of this she was never maternal and I had complete emotional negligence. My mother was very cold towards me most of my life.

Im sad. I am in therapy and I am just not feeling some of her advice on the subject. My inner child is hurting and I'm having immense guilt that I feel this way about my mother.

Please help me. Am I being too sensitive?

I've always been a very rational and analytical person. It's something I was proud of because it made me feel intelligent and in control. What I've recently realized though is that I have no idea what I actually want. I have very strong emotions but every time they get to the surface I rationalize them away. I'm incapable of real intimacy or of showing my emotions authentically. My girlfriend told me that she doesn't feel loved and I don't know how to change that. I actually talk about my feelings but usually in a very detached way (I don't know how else you're supposed to talk about them). I think I'm afraid of letting go of my self control because my childhood made me associate intense emotions with danger. I don't even feel human when I feel strongly. Anger makes me feel dangerous and like I'm losing my identity. It's the emotion that I suppress the most I think (my therapist agrees). Now I can't stop thinking about it but there is no way to let it out. I want to destroy something that isn't myself but the destructiveness of anger is what makes me afraid of it in the first place. I feel like nothing "normal" would work for me because there is no much that I've held back. Maybe I can't get rid of it anymore because it stayed with me for so many years. I actually have this constant pressure in my chest (for years now) that I was never able to identify. I think it's anger. I don't really know what to do.

No matter what I do I end up waking up after only sleeping 3-5 hours ever since I started trying to heal.

How do I fix this problem?

I had no idea that the nervous system can affect sleep patterns to this extent.

I'm overseas with family on business and we've finished up. I started talking with our landlord that owned our AirBnB and and I was more interested in talking about his investments and future properties than doing anything else with our remaining time here. Has anyone else just been stripped down of the ability to enjoy anything else?

"The Justice You Hold"

I wait for a sign,
some proof that I mattered—
but the silence echoes back
in the spaces I wanted answers.

The world doesn’t always see us,
doesn’t always honor the hurt,
doesn’t always speak the truth
when we stand in our rawness.

The voices that put us down,
the hands that pushed us aside,
the cold indifference
from the ones who should have cared—
they carve their marks on our skin,
but they cannot write the story
of who we are.

In the quiet,
I find the courage to say:
You will not define me.
Your cruelty is not my reflection.
Your silence is not my shame.

I claim my worth,
not in your hands,
but in my own.
Not in the words I hoped you’d speak,
but in the truth I already know.

The justice I hold
is not a loud, public vindication—
it is the quiet, steady flame
that rises inside me,
even when the world pretends to look away.

It is in the moments of stillness,
when I breathe and know,
without needing the world to agree:
I am worthy of respect.
I am worthy of love.
I am worthy of peace.

You may try to diminish me,
but you cannot take what I’ve learned—
the strength of my soul,
the depth of my voice,
the warmth of my heart.

I am not defined by your rejection.
I am not destroyed by your disregard.
I am more than the silences,
the insults,
the moments I was unseen.

In the places where I was overlooked,
I plant the seeds of my own justice—
and with every step I take,
I grow.

I no longer need your approval
to feel whole.
I do not need your apology
to know I am worthy.
The justice I hold
is a quiet revolution,
a steady, unshakable truth
that lives in me,
whether you see it or not.

Hi, I’ve had this super toxic situationship, and I’m so lost. It’s messed with my mind so badly. I think I crave the toxicity of being with him. But I'm not sure if I want the relationship. I am addicted, I think, to the chase and never knowing if I have him or not, but when I do have him, I lose all interest. (Toxicity as in him yelling at me, telling me everything he hates about me, implying I should have sex with him but that it should be my choice then getting mad when I don’t want to). I don’t know why I keep going back to him.

I don’t know. For further context, I grew up watching my mother stay in an abusive relationship that she is still tied into because of financial and cultural issues. And I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD from some of the things my dad did to me as a child.

I'm honestly feeling lost and scared. This is a consistent theme in my life, and I haven't been in a relationship because I noticed that when we enter relationship territory, I lose all interest completely and get the “ick” over thinking about them. I'm exhausted of feeling like this, and I do have therapists and doctors, but I have never felt comfortable explaining this to them.

Hi all. This will probably sound nuts but I'm going to post it anyway and see if anyone relates. I always feel like the universe, God, the cosmos, whatever you like to call it, is trying to sabotage me. I get really afraid when something good happens because I always feel like the universe is trying to catch me off guard for when the inevitable bad thing happens. I've been trying to figure out where this comes from. I don't know whether it's just I don't feel like I deserve good things or if it's from going to Catholic school for a few years. My parents didn't really enforce religion when I was growing up but my grandmother who lived with us was a holy roller who would constantly tell me I was a heathen and going to hell. And neither of my parents ever really stepped in or said anything. My grandmother always just projected negativity and I always felt I was different than everyone else or there was something wrong with me. I still feel like that today. And I'm always waiting for bad stuff to happen. I just feel like I'm crazy and hoping someone relates. Thanks

I used to beable to process emotions and pain, not fully but enough, since a huge life event and a following betrayal going anywhere near pain or emotions now is a HUGE trigger, I am the most dysregulated I have ever been and the only thing that regulates me now is self harm which is scary, I feel like I am losing control,

I cannot even do the bare minimum anymore to get the help I need, I don't have the energy to not be believed and not get help the same way has happened many times before when I have been in crisis, I feel helpless and that is scary as the last time this happend I started making plans to end things, I don't want to go back there.

I have not been hospitalised before but I feel like I am heading that way.

Has anyone else had similar experiences regressing after life events and if so what helped apart from therapy to stabilise (no money and no access to therapy?

Just putting this post out as I know there are more of us out there but does anyone else who immigrated at a young age - I was 5 - feel a profound sense of shame that you can't seem to shake? For me, this doesn't seem to come from my parents neccessarily, although growing up with young struggling parents does make you feel guilty for existing. I feel like I don't truly belong anywhere, and also feel shame for living on land that does not belong to me or my ancestors. I think this immigration experience definitely contributed to various eating disorders growing up. I just don't seem to relate to anyone fully in either country and my vocabulary and general knowledge of history and pop culture is pretty bad in both languages/countries. I also feel like I am less that everyone I ever meet and I can't connect to people. Just sharing in case anyone else out there has had the same experience.

Am I crazy? Is my trauma invalid? Is my cptsd not real? My psychologist said it is. But my parents said I’m a spoiled ungrateful stubborn brat. My parents said I’m the ungrateful one. I don’t have a single normal memory of them from my childhood - I actually don’t remember a lot. I always remember getting screamed at by my dad in some way or getting in trouble for something. I remember strict rules. I remember not being able to do normal things like wear shorts or go to school dances. They always talked shit about me to their friends. Always put words in my mouth. Never regulated their emotions around me. Had crazy emotional enmeshment. Always made me feel guilty when I wouldn’t call them everyday or come visit them in college (mind you I went home at least once a month if not every other weekend). Till this day I still call them everyday - even when I don’t want to. And if I miss a call or call one over the other they emotionally guilt me. Every act of my rebellion (in their eyes - I was just trying to be me) was like I had just killed someone. My independence was too much - it made me not listen as a girl and I “betrayed” them. They Screamed at me at the top of their lungs and then said it was ok. That I should take it and respect them in the process. That these things are normal and okay bc at least they sent me to private school put a roof over my head let me use their money took us on vacations (which ended with us all fighting anyways - my dad screaming at us in public). It should all be ok bc at least I wasn’t hungry and at least they “gave me my independence”. Bc I wasn’t graped. Things have reached a boiling point - they are upset bc I am marrying someone outside of my culture and religion and “social status” and somehow I’ve disappointed them and “their dreams” somehow I’m the ungrateful and rude one bc I “talk back.” I didn’t try hard enough to meet men they approved of and wanted me to marry. They called me names, they called him names. Said they r disappointed. I’m exhausted. I have had unbelievable fatigue my entire life. Some days I just cannot move. No matter how much I sleep it’s too little. My nervous system is constantly on overdrive. I get triggered so easily - especially by yelling and conflict. I always feel tense I can never relax I’m always on edge. I feel crazy. I wish this would just end and that they would be normal. I’m going through the hardest obstacle in my career and they used it as ammunition of why I shouldn’t be with who I am with right now instead of listening to them. please I want it to end

Hi all, as i’m on my way to bed, i’m keeping this a bit short. I’m a 19F trans girl navigating extreme gaslighting and abuse by my parents and health worker flying monkeys they’ve enlisted to play parts in a grand illusion. They’ve used various means of coercive control to simply abuse me. Not *for* anything, not because of anything, but simply as an external effect of their own constant inner turmoil, disabling them from finding any happiness within.

I can’t help them with that, though i’m not helpless, because they are not me, and whether they change or not doesn’t dictate the effectiveness of my efforts in life—and here, my efforts to get myself out.

I’ve been navigating maintaining my authenticity in this environment, struggling with letting go of people who don’t feel alligned and like i could express my full self to them. I’m still picking apart and piecing this together, trying to understand how the pieces fit, i wrote a bit after this put on some pondering deleted it for now, still pondering, but i will ask: what are some of the best ways you’ve all found to rely on yourself for reality confirmation more? that’s what i’m doing, and after doing better.

For r/InternalFamilySystems folk, this is loosely related in the sense of freeing parts from burdens and honouring their trust expression.

Listening to Threadtalk (super recommend) a Reddit review podcast, a story came on from a 13 year old who got taken in by her friends parents after they called child services for an incident & the kid is wondering if they were an asshole so went on Reddit -

The thought of a 13 year old on Reddit makes me cringe for them …& I’m so happy that girl had someone who cared & could provide and her best friend is about to be her sister (hopefully)

but I had a flashback of how I wished that would happen even after I was out of my v abusive scary neglectful home into my grandparents and adopted by them @ the same age as the girl, 13. I had some underlying expectation that compliments meant people cared enough to be invested in my life.

After awhile I would resent my friend and push them away unknowingly by getting mad at the things they would complain about. I didn’t have many friends I would say around 5-6 from pre-k to graduating high school. To myself, i would get mad at their parents for complimenting me & thought everyone was cruel, careless, & lying. I carried around that hate for the world that made me cut off emotions seeing them as worthless pains & as an adult I’m dealing with not only the same feelings about the world, but difficulties healing from anything bc how I established my relationship with emotions back then.

I truly perplexed me, why would people say things if they were not fully behind and invested?

I’ve learned social cues, obviously, & understand all of it now thankfully bc it’s so much worse now but I still don’t forgive any of them. There are so many ways you can help a family, a child, offer emotional support or just do a few small kind things out of decency for other humans struggling. Like bringing over a meal knowing I was the only one cooking cleaning going to school and helping take care of my grandma & started working at 15 so I could afford college - a simple sandwich for lunch for them while I was gone would have made a world of difference in our lives.

& for family I felt stabbed in the heart that they knew everything and still did nothing to help me, my brother, or their own parents. I was too much of a push over and should’ve been angry back then.

Now your turn - What resonated with you? How young were you when you started getting resentment and hate towards the world? Do you still have those feelings? Did you get over them?

I feel like a lot of abused children have difficulties with being overly strong as an adult and can’t process them healthily.

Feel free to comment or take the space to share a related experience, recent flashback, etc. ❤️ someone cares. I’m not much but I see you

Someone close to me is talking about willingly going back into a situation with people who’ve harmed them in the past. They believe it’s beneficial, but I see so many red flags. I feel powerless and afraid to push them away by voicing all my fears.

Looking For– Advice or experiences from anyone who’s watched a loved one re-enter a potentially abusive or controlling dynamic.– Tips on coping with the worry, guilt, or helplessness.– How to maintain some line of communication without enabling the situation.

I’m keeping details very vague for privacy. If you relate and want more context, feel free to DM me. Thank you in advance for any insights.