I’d meant all I’d said and it feels nice to express myself. I’d ended it in a very decisive way. He was an avoidant and someone that didn’t want to make the bare minimum effort. But I still love to look back and reminisce on the sweet times we’d had. He’s also someone that is very guarded and rarely lets people in so I thought he deserves to know he is missed

8 years together and one month later he posts photo in the car with another girl holding a matcha drink we used to always have and share that same drink together…he never tagged her but it’s clear it’s female nails… is he trying to make me jealous? He is still dodging questions about getting my stuff back from his place and threw away a tile that i asked for back after saying he would give it back to me? I still have my motorcycles in his garage and he is taking his time getting my motorcycles out when all he has to do is pull them forward….he is dodging questions about my motorcycles and all my mail is still there, he’s a narcissist and this is a sample of how he talks to me…in reference to the sister we took care of her after his parents died when she was 13 and he blamed me for our arguments because i told him she wasn’t going anywhere and he wanted to throw her in foster care….im the blue he’s the white

I know what some of you might say is that im a scum of the earth for cheating. i emotinally cheated on her by making a dating profile and texted other women, without any serious intention on my part to persue. i know what i did was wrong and i accept that. i am taking steps to better myself with lots of therapy, lots of research about my flaws and how to get rid of them for a lasting change. ive also tallked to lots off friends and family about the situation and was open to the fact that i cheated to understand where i am and what i can do to get her back.

the reason for going no contact is because i got to obsessed and desperate for her that i lost myself. im hoping that during this time apart from one another, im able to be better and happier with myself while trying to get her out of my mind for these changes.

i know for myself that i will always love her and would only want to be with her. i gave her a promise ring stating ill be back for the future more mature and renewed.

when we broke up she did say we can still be friends and that the doors will stay open for the future, but wont accept getting back together now as everything is so fresh and that she wants me to go and learn to become a better person first.

i wanna start at friends again and rebuild a new relationship wit her as ive had my time to look around already and realize and am confident that se is the one. just wondering if anyone else that went no contact ever got back together and have stayed together. because i am willing and making these changes, learning so i can find some hope of winning her back again. i wanna change because i know im a terrible person when we were together. i wanna be better for myself and in turn better for us.

just looking for advice, bc i know she still cares for me and i still care for her.

also if you are a female, how do you view this and would i be someone you would take back after knowing and reading all this

Hey guys, would really appreciate your thoughts on the matter and if I should go NC forever.

I, 28 M began dating another 28 M last year. We dated in total for about 3 months. We met on Hinge and spent the better part of a month getting to know each other before having sex. Now on the app it said he was looking for someone with experience with long term monogamous relationships. He reached out to me first. For me I did not state anything of the sort. Just that I was open to a short term relationship that could evolve into something more. BIG MISTAKE! I should mention that I am not monogamous and made that very clear on the 3rd or 4th date.

The first night we had sex was after a month of slow dating. I topped as I always do and have done my entire life. I have never bottomed in my life, do not bottom and will not because I have never wanted to. Somehow every man I have every dated has tried to force or coerce me to do so even though I have been very clear that this is a no-go for me. The same for this guy. After we got done, he said he cannot wait for next time so he can take a turn. I said oh I am afraid that is not gonna happen and explained to him that I was not versatile. He said it was fine. I asked him if it was okay and if he was sure, he reassured me it was. I also suggested to him that he was free to go hookup with other guys if he felt he needed to top. This was about some days later. He seemed really upset and I could not figure out why cos If I remember correctly, on his profile he said he was open. Anyways, he told me about his dating history; he was engaged to a guy and they had been together for 5 years. Apparently, his ex had cheated on him for more than half of that period and he had only found out over the summer. So, the ended things, he went soul searching for 3 months and felt ready to try again. This gave me pause as I felt it was too soon. At times, I felt I was the rebound. About 2 months in he said „te quiero“ which means I love you more or less. I also said it back but in the literal sense that I was choosing him out of want and not out of need. But the way he explained it, why waste his life and miss out on a good opportunity simply cos someone he loved chose to hurt him. Hesitantly, I kept seeing him. I genuinely liked this guy. This was hard for me as the guy I was dating before him had kinda messed me up and triggered a lot of trust issues but I was slowly warming up to him and could see he was a good guy. So, I was allowing myself to be vulnerable. Bit of backstory, I am from a homophobic country and have had a very different life to this person. We have very different cultural and communication styles and general expectations of life. No offence but I do not think he could relate at all to where I was coming from and even though I could not relate to what most would term his privilege as a white gay dude in a developed country, I still accepted him for him and was always eager to learn about his life and experiences.

Anyway, an old lover of mine was coming into town and I immediately told this guy about it. He seemed sad but I told him that it had no effect on what we were building and he should realise that I am here with him on a weekend even though I lived hours away. I would commute almost every weekend for 3 months to see him. He only came to visit once. He seemed upset but then regained his composure then thanked me for my honesty. Where most would have hidden that info, he appreciated how easily I shared that with him. nOw for me I don't know any other way than being honest. So, I did not see It as a big deal. I just told the truth. The next weeks were filled with daily ups and downs but we were very happy and always doing things. About a week later we had a talk for about 3 hours where I had to reassure him yet again that although I cared for this friend, there was nothing romantic going on and that I don't know what else to say. I was also confused. If he was having an issue with this why wasn't he breaking up with me?

Anyway, He introduced me to his friends and started talking about me meeting his family. I said sure. I did not think of it as anything more. Just a chance to see the people who gave birth to this beautiful smart man and see where he grew up. But on occasion. he would ask me questions trying to get me to show how ready I was to meet his family. I started to feel pressured and would tell him that of course I was ready. he just should not expect me to behave any differently than I am to impress them. This old lover came by and on the wy to pick him up from the airport, the guy I was seeing flipped and started yelling at me. Asking me what he was supposed to do whiles I spent the night with another man. Of course, I was confused as we had discussed this weeks before and he said did not seem to have issues with me. I also could not stay to have yet another convo. So, I silently left, picked the guy from the airport and started to feel bad. I told my old lover who was already aware of the situation that I wanted to split my time between the 2 of them. At first he was okay with it and then later got angry with me and said to be careful as the guy was manipulating me and the relationship would not last very long. I was now really furious. at the same time the guy I was dating was becoming increasingly clingy and was trying to know my every single move. This started to piss me off as he would ask me a question, I would answer honestly, he would say it was all good, then he would ask me the same question again. I started to get really furious. There were other people I was speaking to at the time. For some reason, they either left the country or I realised they were super pushy on just the first date. So, I did not feel bad reducing my time with them and increasing my time with him. I also had a lot on my plate and could not juggle as much. So, it was fine for me. Big mistake.

So much happened. I will cut things out to save time. One day, we had a longgg talk where he said he was willing to adjust himself to me because I had so many positive qualities. if I did not he would have ended things long ago but he appreciated me. He said I was not to use Grindr to search for people cos that would crush him. His ex used to go seek guys on there. I said of course I would not do that . I would never want to hurt him like that but if I went to clubbing and met someone for sex, I would be honest and tell him. I would not lie. He seemed Hurt and like he was about to cry but I did not understand. I already told him I was not monogamous so why was he having difficulty understanding this. Over the holidays, he went back to visit his family and I too went somewhere for vacation. On Christmas Day, I went clubbing and indeed met someone and had sex with them. I called him about 2 hours later to inform him as I promised. He said he was not feeling well, things at home were not good and he would prefer we spoke the next day. I was so worried and said I was there for him. he could tell me anything. he said the next day would be better. So, the next evening I told him everything and he said he suspected, thanked me for my honesty and that he feels incredibly safe and secure with me and that I made him happy. At the time, I did not think much of it. We talked everyday for 2 weeks until the new year. He had also sent me a Christmas card highlighting how generous and kindhearted I was. The day I met him in person, he confessed me to me he had downloaded grindr, went to a gay sauna and that he did not do anything that would put my health at risk. I was FLOORED. He asked if I trusted him, I shouted no of course not. How could he do that when he got me to promise him to never do that. Why would he do that? He said he did not know. Why did he take so long to tell me? Cos he knew I appreciated honesty and especially talking things out in person. Also, He was horny, and I told him he could hookup with other and grindr was the fastest option he could think of. I felt really sick but I calmed down as the night went on. He asked If I wanted to keep seeing him. I said I needed a week to think. He asked why? Angrily, I said hey I just need a week to think. Now, I must mention that I am international student in a foreign country. I have a lot of issues relating to money, visa, jobs, uni etc. So, I did not really get time to process it all. I also spoke with friends who convinced me to just not be too angry with him. At least he confessed. I also thought about the good times. So, I thought I forgave him. When we saw each other in person after that week he seemed so sad and I just could not bear the pain in his eyes. I said it was fine and to a large degree it was but what happened later made me rethink things.

We returned to our usual routine. Then one morning as we were getting sexual he started touching my hole as he was giving me head. This turned me off and I started to lose my erection. I politely asked him to stop as it was negatively distracting me. He got sad and started to Sulk. Confused, I asked what his issue was. He asked me why I did not like it. Flabbergasted, I simply said uhhh cos I just don'T? I already told you I don't like anything related to me bottoming. He asked why, he had done that with many people who liked it and even asked for more and even straight guys got pleasure from it. maybe I just needed to try and I would like it. At this point, I got pissed and said I needed water. I got out of the bedroom feeling very weird and unsafe. Why was he trying to get me to do something I said I did not want and he said he understood. For 30 mins I was lost in my thoughts. When I went back into the room, he tried to be sweet and I asked him why did he not simply change topics, why was he trying to get me to do something I was uncomfortable with. I don't remember what happened but he said something that put me in a very foul mood. I said maybe it is best we break up. Cos my nervous system was feeling very disregulated and I started to feel ill and lightheaded. Here I was having forgiven him for what he did and yet he was trying to push my boundaries. The entire day I was just numb. he tried to make me laugh and I just could not muster up the joy.

As time went one, this bottoming thing kept on coming up over and over and I was getting really angry and frustrated. Then he would accuse me of hurting him with my lovers and talking to people. And I would not understand. I was honest so what was he angry about now. I was not hiding anything and most of my lovers are people I am genuinely friendly with and we talk about almost everything with sex hardly coming into play. That lover even stopped talking to me. All the other people I was texting with I stoped talking with cos of him. Also before I had told him I did not want kids and he said neither did he. however after this last incident, he said he wanted that, that he was starting to resent me for always topping and also that he did not see a long term future esp cos whenever he would ask me what my idea of a relationship I seemed not to have a clue what to say.

So, feeling sad and more or less that the relationship was over, I left his place and some days later went on grindr myself. At the same time, he called me on the phone but I lied and did not tell him what I was doing. I just did not see the point. I met up with a grindr date and when that person started to touch me, I could not go through with it. I apologised and left. I called him back and he said he knew I was lying and I said why does it matter. now he knows how it feels. He said he never did that to me. I then texted him that I was sorry, he was right, I should not have lied and I did not want him to go to bed feeling bad.

I tried calling him the next day and he said he was not ready to speak to me. Now, this entire time I knew it was wrong I lied but I also did not get what he was upset about as I thought we were over. 2 days later, he called me and said he accepted my apology of course but we should be careful about the risks we take with each other and that we were not supposed to have sex with people without condoms. I asked myself why he was saying this. it was obvious. I would never put his health at risk. Then he said he had something to confess. He was on grindr the night before and fucked someone without a condom. Angrily, I said we were done. He tried to explain and I said I did not want to hear it. He then asked me if all our plans were canceled. Seeing his family, trips we planned. I had to think and was actually in shock. I blurted out yes, I think so and he said ok. This time he is not going to try to pull me back when I go into this state of saying we should break up. For his side, it was over as well.

So much happened after that and it is as if I am now feeling the full effect of what he did all at once. Is this normal? He keeps trying to be friendly with me but I feel I never want to see him again. I cannot concentrate at work, I feel sick to my stomach almost every single day, I feel restless and not like my usual self, my self esteem is really low and even my friends don't understand what is wrong with me. Neither do i. Does anyone understand and can help? I would be most grateful. Cos I do not get it. Did he betray me or not? Was I a bad partner? I feel like I communicated very well and if he wanted monogamy, he could have ended things a long time ago. Shockingly, now he admits we are incompatible. Yet in the past, he would try to convince me otherwise. He says he envisions us having a healthy relationship or friendship in future and how he sees it we were 2 people who were good to each other and that he is ready to move. If I want to stay stuck in the past, that is my choice. But why do I feel now he was and is manipulating me? Am I going crazy? Should I go NC forever?

TL;DR: I, a 28-year-old non monogamous bi-guy, dated another 28-year-old gay guy for 3 months, but we had issues with boundaries, communication, and trust. I’m non-monogamous, and he initially seemed okay with it but later struggled with my openness and honesty, especially when I spent time with other people. I also expressed my limits regarding sexual activities (not bottoming), but he kept pushing my boundaries. He admitted to using Grindr over the holidays whiles acting like nothing was up and hooking up with someone without condoms. Eventually, things ended, but now I'm feeling lost, anxious, and unsure if he betrayed me or if I was a bad partner. I communicated openly and honestly, and he seemed to ignore my boundaries. I’m struggling with emotional fallout and confusion. Was I being manipulated? Was I manipulating him?Help, please

Has anyone else been in no contact for several months and all of a sudden they subscribe to your patreon, spicy site etc?

How did you handle it?

So it is as the title says. I was going through a divorce when my coworker and I became close friends, and quickly, lovers. He was very hot and heavy very quickly, and honestly was everything I ever wanted in a man. We both expressed that we wanted time to heal before getting into a new relationship, but we wanted to see where we could go, because of our chemistry, and what we wanted out of life was so compatible. Maybe a month in, he started pulling away seemingly out of nowhere, but said I was imagining things when I questioned it. Then he started "needing space." This meant I wasn't allowed to contact him at all, for as long as he was gone, and he kept being gone longer and longer periods of time. Then, he would start arguments if I said something wrong, but would claim he was never angry with me. Most of the time I had no clue I had done anything wrong till he pointed it out. It got worse and worse, till suddenly this man had a whole list of my faults and wrongdoings. Then, after an argument and three days of silence he said he wanted to break it off because he couldn't see a future together because he is too damaged. He freely admits that he is in love with me, this is real, and breaking it off is not what he wants. But...he wants to be friends. I can't see how that can possibly work because literally every day since we have admitted how much we miss each other, and how much we love each other. But he is adamant that he will not change his mind. I am thinking I need to put my foot down and go no contact, but I am so bad at it, and I admit, I still have hope he will come to his senses and change his mind. Help, lovely people! This community has already given me so much encouragement and understanding reading through posts, but I need to figure out how to handle my own situation in a healthy way.

I'm in a place now where I don't feel the need to message them, but if they reached out, I'd probably get reeled back in. So, not fully out of danger, but a lot safer Alhamdulillah.

Things that helped me get here in a relatively short amount of time:

1. Prayer, prayer, prayer.
2. Getting back to a healthy lifestyle.
3. Processing my emotions instead of looking for instant distractions.
4. Taking care of myself.
5. Reddit/ This sub especially.
6. Sappy motivational quotes online.
7. Holding myself accountable.
8. Prayer.

What's something that personally helped you the most?

It’s been five months since we broke up.

Just yesterday, I told my friends I thought I had finally moved on. I felt lighter. I was doing better. I actually believed I was healing.

But life — or the algorithm — had other plans.

Last night, I accidentally came across my ex’s private Instagram. The same man who, during our entire relationship, never posted a single thing about me. Not a photo, not a story, not even a meal we shared. There was absolutely nothing. I wasn’t visible in his social world.

Out of pure curiosity, I asked a friend (who told me she had unfollowed him) to check his recent post. She said it included a pic of a girl and some food. I don’t know who she is — I never saw the photo — but deep down, I suspect it’s someone new. His new girlfriend. Just like that.

What hurts the most is that I was better. I really thought I had let him go. And now I feel like I’m back at square one.

We lived together. I met his family. I knew his friends. I was the one comforting him through breakdowns, through money issues, through emotional spirals. I was the one paying when he couldn’t. I bent myself to fit his world. I stayed through things I should’ve left for. I even found out months later that he had broken up with his ex only three weeks before we got together. I didn’t know I was the rebound. But looking back, maybe I was.

And even worse — I was hurt physically and emotionally. He’d bite and pinch me until I cried and say it was “just playing.” When I asked for love, he gave me pain. He’d yell instead of talk. Slam doors instead of listen. He made me feel like I was always the problem. But I kept holding on, thinking maybe that’s just how love is.

And now someone else might be getting the soft version of him. The version that heals after the storm. And I’m here, broken, invisible, and ashamed of still caring.

Was I replaceable? How do people move on so easily? Why do some of us get stuck in the grief while others move forward like it was nothing?

Please be kind — I’m just trying to make sense of the wreckage.

Whenever you search my username on here to see what I’ve been posting, come here first to use as a reminder to kindly

fuck off

I don’t want to talk to you, and I don’t have to use my other account to make sure you don’t get your feelings hurt

xx

for those who broke up or got broken up with their avoidant ex, did they reach back out after no contact? how long after no contact did they reach out? what were their intentions of reaching back out? how long were you guys together?

hearing these words sets a rage inside of me like no other, because my ex dumped me for another girl 10 months ago and not once looked back. (they only lasted 3 months) he never breadcrumbed me, i reached out to him 2 months into no contact he never answered, blocked me on social media, and didn’t reach out for birthday or anything, nothing at all.

i havent said a single word to him and have him blocked on all social media platforms for about 4 months now.

it just irritates me how he is making me feel like i was the problem in the relationship, when all i did was work on myself to be the best version of myself for him. i would NEVER entertain another guy because he was the guy i loved, i had no interest in ever looking at someone else.

it hurts that he did exactly what i told him i was worried about and never thought to apologize even after all of this time

After four very toxic relationships (from someone breadcrumbing me, to one controlling me, to another one cheating, to one wanting me to become someone else entirely). I thought I was finally in the RIGHT one. He cherished me for how I was, wanted communication, was honest, and was lovely. It took some time to go past my trust issues, but then I was 100% in.

I was in a relationship I truly was happy with, I worked on the issues he mentioned, I invested myself happily, I put effort happily, I "did everything right" , as I accepted his limits and loved him UNCONDITIONALLY.

And what is the reward? 3 years later, I got "My feelings for you changed, I have affection, not love anymore".

I was happily in love, and he was thinking this stuff for months. FEELINGS CHANGE. So what is the sense? Yes, there might be good people outside but NOTHING, NOTHING assures me that the next person will not look at me X years down the line to tell me his feelings changed, even if nothing in our dynamic changed or there was no fight. I am four months into this hell I call reality, where I was punished for making him happy?? (his words after BU have been only positive?? WTF)).

So. To those that do have hope ....what is the sense of love? it seems a stupid construct that does not last, even if you do everything right. And I refuse to be in a relationship where I am used/abused again or unsatisfied, as I see so many of my friends fighting but sticking together because they fear being alone

Hey everyone, I just wanted to leave a small message here for anyone going through a breakup right now. I broke up with my ex 10 months ago after being together for almost 3 years. At the time, it felt like my entire world fell apart. I cried every day, I lost 10 kilograms, and I truly believed I’d never feel normal again. I kept looking for closure, overthinking every word, every moment. It was pure emotional survival. Six months after the breakup, I found out he had cheated on me. That crushed me even more, but it also helped me stop idealizing someone who never truly respected me. It was like a final slap from the universe that actually woke me up. Now, almost a year later, I’m here to tell you that everything absolutely everything is temporary. Pain fades. Obsession ends. Sleep comes back. You smile again. One day, you’ll stop counting how many days it’s been. One day, it simply won’t hurt anymore.

And most importantly: this breakup had to happen. Not because you weren’t enough but because you were always too much for the wrong person. Sometimes the universe removes what you thought you needed, just to make space for what you truly deserve. Since the breakup, my life has slowly opened up in ways I never expected. I’ve met so many new people kind, inspiring, genuine souls who reminded me that the world is full of connection. I traveled to places I had only dreamed of, felt freedom again, laughed without guilt, and started discovering who I really am outside of that relationship. If you’re still in the dark part, please trust me: your life is not over it’s just beginning in a new way. Healing isn’t linear, but joy always finds its way back.

Stay strong. Keep breathing. You will be okay and more than that, you will thrive.🫶🏼

I’m (25F) not an avid reddit user, but funny enough my ex (26M) sent me a link to this page. I was so pissed off. And still am if I’m gonna be honest. I felt like it was such a slap in the face to refer me to a “support group” and tell me what he thought would help me get through a break up he orchestrated. Especially since it just further highlighted our biggest issue. Instead of talking to me about his feelings and issues, he would seek guidance online. I think this is an amazing tool to get support you may need from time to time, but it was so heartbreaking to hear that he’d rather do that than talk to his partner you know?

Now I’m here. Because it’s been months and I’m struggling to keep it together. And I’m ashamed to bring it up to my friends because it feels like I’m just saying the same things over and over again. I just feel like such an idiot. I genuinely thought they were it for me. Now I’m just blocked. Crazy how easy it could be for some people. Wishing it was that easy for me.

In few days it will be a month since break up. We were together for 9 months and when we broke up I said you can text me (stupid me). After that for few days we texted then i finally grew a pair to just leave them on seen and not text back. I don't miss her anymore just a vague sense of nostalgia and then i remind myself of the all the horrible stuff she did and that makes it pass. But at times i get this really hateful urge to send them a big paragraph just cussing them out and saying all the bad things i didn't say just to end it in "good" terms. (it was a messy break up.) Then i learned that she was appearntly a dismissive avoidant.

I've recently been broken up with by a girl I was dating for 3 months, she keeps telling me I'm amazing and we get on really well but then broke up with me anyway?

For some context I know she's been off work quite a bit recently with stress and was off for a month with burnout when we first met

First she told me she didn't feel a spark even though she wants to and was blaming it on her not feeling 100 and other things going on

She keeps talking to me for a week and is just talking like nothing happend, sending kisses hearts, asking about my day, remembering small details etc

Then she tells me she genuinely thinks she can only offer friendship right now and telling me that she's not in the right place mentally, her head is elsewhere and she is just not feeling it with everything going on and she isn't being fair to me

Aren't these different things? The spark would be she didn't feel a real connection and the other thing would be that she's not in a good place mentally and wants to build from friendship?

Even recently I told her I was taking a break from messaging and she thanked me and said she appreciates me saying I'll be back once ive had time ?

A two month timeline up till today:

Didn't have contact for two months.

She accidentally called me last week, when she was looking at our pictures on WhatsApp, she said. A mistake by me was made - I answered.

She told me that she's being thinking of me a lot. She didn't knew what our call meant. Afterwards she sent a heart emoji.

At a second talk, she was colder than the first talk. I felt that something was odd so l asked her some things and she admitted she was seeing someone during our time a part. Naturally I got mad and we had a small argument.

I clearly told her to let me go from heart, soul and mind. And that was the end. Now my no contact period started again.

After a couple of days, she texts me in a non-affectionate way that she hated the the way things ended at our first talk. I didn't answer.

Then she texted me again about a total random thing. I didn't answer.

So, what's her intention here? I mean, after I clearly pointed out where I stood, she still texts. She mad in love or mad mad?

Was I wrong? He did something wrong on his birthday, he forced me to open up, and then claimed I ruined his birthday? I want to move on, I'm spiralling

At 12am, 8th April, his birthday, I sent him a very huge paragraph wishing him on his birthday, a sketch of him, a personalized playlist, an E-boquet and was so excited to talk to him.

After 2 hours of the conversation, he told me he helped his female friend write a breakup text to her toxic ex. He never told her about me.

Her message to him: "Happy birthday 🎂 You’ve been a great friend for me since the beginning.. Till now you stood for me and I’m glad i had a friend like you .. Have a great birthday and i wish you the best in life 💕. I might not be a good friend for you I’m sorry if i was . I’ve realised you are the friend that i need in my life .. thanks you so much"

I am totally okay with him having friends and advising them, but there's a line. How is he so involved to the point where he types a breakup text for her? And he never told her about me, and she said "he's a friend she NEEDS in her life". This crossed a line. I bottled up my discomfort and then he forced me to open up, so

So I told him, "I never doubted your intentions. I know you were trying to help, and I respect that. Truth is, it did make me uncomfortabe, not because I think you’re cheating or lying, but because it crossed a line emotionally. Helping someone is great. But helping her write a breakup text? Being the friend she 'needs'? That’s not "neutral" support anymore. That’s deep emotional involvement. That’s the kind of closeness that should be reserved for the person you’re dating. And that person is supposed to be ME. I didn’t leave the conversation yesterday to hurt you, you crossed a line. That’s what made me step back. If we’re going to be in a relationship, I need emotional safety and boundaries, not just loyalty in the romantic sense, but in the emotional space too. I can’t be okay with being sidelined while another girl depends on you so heavily. I can't trust you. Okay you said you'll step back, but I don’t want you to 'act busy'. I want you to be honest with me and with her. You don’t need to cut her off, but the way she talks to you and depends on you has to change, she doesn't respect me. Because I’m not going to be in a relationship where I feel like the third wheel to another girl’s emotional needs. If you can give me that clarity and that boundary with a screenshot proof of you setting boundaries, I’m here. If not, I respect you, but I’ll choose peace over confusion, I'll never be happy with you. When everyone were posting their Ghibli style couple picture you didn't even post that, I felt bad, every couple did it."

And he replied "You ruined my birthday. Damage is done to you, now you will leave. I was hoping you will be nice to me, this is my worst birthday. You don't care about my special day. We can end this, I will have grudges that you ruined my birthday. I'll tell my friends, they'll tell you're overreacting, they will laugh at you. Don't ruin my birthday anymore, block me and leave me. If you have any sense go ask a human if what I did is too much. You could have have let everything go for today atleast. I feel so pissed and sad at the same time. My intentions are good, yes I didn't tell her about you, I assumed she knew. Let me enjoy rest of my birthday in peace. Your ex has made you like this. You're leaving on my birthday, don’t dare to come back. Your boundaries? You're overdoing it. You lost me today after what you did on my birthday i swear on my mom. Yes I emotionally cheated on you with my ex girl bestfriend last year but I won't cheat on my next. At least she'll love me right. Don't ruin my day even more, I'll start hating you. You're the most selfish girl I've seen. I'll never look back, no peace seriously. Thanks for showing me who you are. I will be so loyal to the next girl. You are the female version of your cheater ex. You're controlling me. Go marry chatgpt, I swear don't text me again. Wtf you say you love me? What if I did this to you on your birthday? Maybe people like you forces good people to be bad. Let someone ruin your birthday u will know. Last year I confessed about emotionally cheating on you with ex girl bestfriend on April 6th 2024, still you were sweet to me on my birthday last year on April 8th 2024. This year on April 8th, you ruined it. You're not the girl I loved."

This was so harsh I did not respond, instead I reached out to the girl who texted him, with this

"Hey, I just wanted to be direct before things get misinterpreted. I saw your message to my man, especially the “I need you” part, and I’ll be honest, that crossed an emotional boundary for me. I was totally okay with him being friends, advising etc, but there's a limit, and now he's portraying me as the one who hurt him on his birthday when I simply voiced my discomfort. I've nothing against you or him. I never doubted his intentions, but when you emotionally rely on someone who’s dating another girl, it creates confusion and disrespect. I communicated this to him calmly and with clarity, but he chose to walk away instead of setting boundaries.I’m not reaching out to fight or blame. I just want you to know the truth before anything gets twisted. Take care"

And she didn't respond. I've unfollowed him

The below screenshots are for reference.

For context she ended our relationship last Saturday. She mentioned that this wasn’t right for her. Once I heard that I didn’t argue, beg or plead. I sat and waited for her to back her stuff. Helped her carry her bags and hugged each other goodbye.

We had our issues mostly being that I felt like I wasn’t being supported, respected or loved in the relationship and she felt like she couldn’t be responsible for my reassurance although most of my insecurities came from her. The final straw was on the Saturday. A torn out page of my journal had “Fallen” out of my laptop bag. It was an untitled list of names that I need to work on forgiving or forgiving myself for. It’s my journal I don’t need to provide more context to that.

She in turn read the list, took photos of the list and sent photos of it to her best friend and sister which told her it was definitely a list of women I’ve slept with.

Did I handle the situation on the texts correctly ? What do you think she is feeling? Also the plants seem so important that I will be giving her all of them.

Someone replied with this under a comment on a TikTok and I just thought of it. Made me realize if they dump you, it's time to only show up for yourself. Don't think about doing things for them. Focus on yourself. Focus on yourself and let yourself heal. Trust me. I know it's hard. I kept reaching out to my ex 7 months after our breakup and only stopped last month. But contacting him never gave me closure. He was never the answer. It just drove me crazy when I knew I deserved better already. We all deserve happiness. Instead of reaching out, hit the flipping gym to think about them less or do things for others. Anything stimulating. Eventually, you will stop paying too much attention to the ex. like I've found enjoyment in lifting recently. Seek things that lift you up. Ppl who actually fuck with you now. A part of closure is accepting that ppl will come and go no matter how much you truly cared for them.

I am 27F (she/her), and my ex is the first person I have ever fallen in love with despite knowing that he is no good for me and that we are incompatible. He's damaged me and my trust in a way I didn't expect or want especially given that we didn't even make it to 6months.

If anything he broke up with me, which at the time I was relieved because he also owed me money but when I set the boundary for him to leave my workspace and I was able to separate the business from the personal--he flipped out on me and the next thing I know:

He called me alluding that he was going to unalive himself, then when I removed access from him from the space, he left a note of his "last goodbye" which caused me to go on a wild goose chase around town, contact his friends, family, and ex (who they all didn't know of me) and to stop him from harming himself of a span of 4-5 days.

In the aftermath, he did say it was really close and that he was sorry and said that he broke up with me because he sensed that I was going to initiate the breakup. Which he wasn't wrong. After some closure via phone call but also unresolved emotional feelings I let him know that I wanted no contact for at least 6-7months and he repeatedly wrote that he would respect the boundary--yet kept pushing it *which I was kinda into* but it didn't lead into any in-person reconciliation, then I stood firm for 4 months.

4 months in he broke no contact, wanting to talk in regards to us being creatives and how some of our communities overlap-- and tbh I was in a fragile and financially broke place in my life trying to heal and let go of the situation and I couldn't.

I asked him to make out with me and we did, then I regretted it. And voiced my regret.

Then it happened 2 more times.

We had what was the worst sex I've ever had with him, let him know that things feel misaligned, then he made it up to me the next link.

------

Sorry to be so long winded but what ended up happening was 4 months of us resuming contact with confusing mixed signals on what we wanted from each other and the last convo we had, infuriated me because he said that I was making myself more of a victim than him around that period he wanted to unalive himself.

It hurt me but it was the lack of self-awareness. The following day I blew up his phone, and then he said wanted to stick to the boundaries of us being colleagues. I gave him a courtesy text on how I said I needed to resume no contact and would block him for 2-3months and as I am writing this it's been 7.5 months of no contact, however, I've been unblocking then reblocking him on socials just to lurk and I am sick of it.

Unfortunately, he will find his way through my feed through other mutuals which will prompt the unblock and then swift reblock.

I would like tips on how to properly heal and cut off ties/energy with this person. To where I am not checking on his socials every other week :/

Thanks in advance!

Hey everyone, I could really use some advice.

My ex and I broke up about two months ago. It was a mutual breakup at the time, but the truth is, I didn’t want things to end. I told her shortly after that I still wanted to work on the relationship. We texted a bit on and off, but then it went cold for a while.

About a week ago, we reconnected and went on what I’d call a really great date. We laughed, held hands, cuddled during the movie, and even talked for a while after. We also had a good phone call where we talked about future outings (like hanging with her kid, going to a mall, etc).

I thought it was a step in the right direction. But now? She’s gone quiet again. She still sends a snap here and there or reacts to something, but there’s no consistency, no meaningful communication.

I feel like I’m being breadcrumbed. And while I still love her and want her back, this hot-and-cold stuff is messing with my head. I’ve been working on myself (therapy, journaling, self-improvement, learning about attachment styles — I lean anxious), but I’m starting to feel disrespected by the lack of clarity.

I’ve decided to give her space, and I’ve set a boundary for myself: if we don’t have a real conversation by Thursday, I’m going to send a final message and move on.

TL;DR:
Ex and I reconnected after a breakup, had a great date and a solid call, but now she’s distant again. I still want her back, but I’m tired of being breadcrumbed. Should I hold out hope or walk away?

Any advice or perspective is welcome — especially from people who’ve dealt with something similar.

It wasn't planned. Like so many mornings lately, I woke up earlier than usual, not from rest, but from her thoughts pulling me out of sleep. It's been happening often now. A quiet ache, showing up with the sunrise. Today, I gave in. I got dressed like I had someplace to be, laptop bag on my back, sunglasses on, trying to look like I had a purpose. But my only plan was this to see her, just once. I reached near her office, but I was late. I was riding my bike when I saw her walking from the opposite direction. Our eyes may or may not have met, she looked at me, and there was a brief, soft, confused smile on her face. Just for 2-3 seconds, our worlds overlapped again. She probably wasn't even sure it was me because of the sunglasses. I didn't look back. I don't know if she did. In those few seconds, I saw her fully. And I felt everything again. And now... I'm here. Sitting with the feeling, unsure if I did the right thing. Unsure what this means. But one thing I know, I didn't do it to change anything. I just wanted a glimpse of the person I still care about, even in silence. But I also know... I can't keep chasing shadows. I can't keep showing up in moments hoping they' bring peace.

And 100 days of blocking all their d-list celebrity social media accounts from the “mUsIc cApITaL oF tHe wOrLd.” 😆 I should have done it sooner. That town and state sucks, glad I don’t live there anymore. Cheers to me! 🥃 🍺