First.

[u/Drogatog]

[u/Eastiegirl333]

I’m kind of a big deal.

[u/icsnapper → u/Eastiegirl333]

I have many leather bound books

[u/LandoLebowski → u/icsnapper]

And my apartment smells of rich mahogany.

[u/HighFlyingCrocodile → u/LandoLebowski]

Also a dead body.

[u/NunsNunchuck → u/HighFlyingCrocodile]

Do you have to return some video tapes too?

[u/MoreRamenPls → u/NunsNunchuck]

You’re not really blonde are you?

[u/Used_Lawfulness748 → u/HighFlyingCrocodile]

The dead prostitute is actually in the trunk of his car.

That’s why he keeps a team of high-powered lawyers on retainer.

[u/bananaz_to_the_moon → u/Used_Lawfulness748]

lets see Paul Allen's dead trunk prostitute

[u/Major_Section2331 → u/bananaz_to_the_moon]

Tesla’s have two trunks on most models, right? You don’t think do you… 🤔

God how many bodies does Elon have in his trunks? 😳

[u/Hamblerger → u/Major_Section2331]

It's really more of an eventual cremation service.

[u/thejudgehoss → u/LandoLebowski]

[u/otter_boom → u/LandoLebowski]

[u/Flowery-Twats → u/LandoLebowski]

I'm friends with Merlin Olsen, too.

[u/Massive-Sun639 → u/LandoLebowski]

DBZ Abrodged Yemma : "Mahogany"

[u/alien4649 → u/LandoLebowski]

And Corinthian leather…

[u/kimchipowerup → u/LandoLebowski]

Rich Corinthian Leather

[u/Vitamin_J94 → u/LandoLebowski]

And sweet contreau at hearth's edge

[u/AdLiving4714 → u/Eastiegirl333]

Nah. Just an Italian who - at the sweet young age of 53 - finally got a biz class ticket on a domestic flight. By obliterating his hard earned points balance for an upgrade. You know, one of these where you get seat 1A which is still an economy class seat, just with a free seat next to you. He's playing "rich world" manager now.

[u/apathyzeal → u/AdLiving4714]

Absolutely this. If he flew first class with any sort of routine or regularity it would not be remotely special.

[u/kategoad → u/apathyzeal]

Yes. My first long haul first class I took a bunch of pictures. My second, I did not.

Mainly of my feet not quite reaching the foot rest. Eating dinner and watching a first run movie. Warm nuts. And my airplane flying over Iran (at least that's what the tv screen said).

[u/b3ta_blocker → u/kategoad]

Warm nuts are the reward for economy flight.

[u/Arglefarb → u/AdLiving4714]

On a regional connection before moving back to coach for his actual long haul

[u/Simplisticjackie → u/AdLiving4714]

This is the white business man’s version of renting a jet for a photo shoot for his Instagrams 300 followers. It’s so performative. Act like you’ve been there before or you just look like a goof.

[u/prpldrank → u/Eastiegirl333]

Nice tagline:

"On LinkedIn, anyone can be kind of a big deal."

[u/johngreenink → u/prpldrank]

See this Cheeto? It's my First.

[u/Electronic_Picture26 → u/Eastiegirl333]

Im the world's greatest secret agent.

[u/slowsausages → u/Electronic_Picture26]

'And yes... it's top secret.'

Nobody asked

[u/xtheory → u/Eastiegirl333]

The self-importance is suffocating. I feel so sorry for his employees.

[u/Johnny_Grubbonic → u/Eastiegirl333]

Um... I don't even know where to start with you. I mean, do you even know who you're talkin' to?

Do you have any idea - any idea - who I am?

Basically, kind of a big deal.

Ya listenin'? OK. Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines, and brudda'? I hurt people.

I'm a force a' nature!

If you were from where I was from, you'd be f[bleep]kin' dead!

WHOOOOOO!!!

[u/Difficult_Ad2864 → u/Eastiegirl333]

I’m something of a scientist myself

[u/karlware → u/Eastiegirl333]

....down at the cracker factory.

[u/Juking_is_rude → u/Eastiegirl333]

Its so top secret im bragging about it on linkedin

[u/DanJW83 → u/Eastiegirl333]

People know me

[u/jarjarclinks → u/Eastiegirl333]

It's kind of my first deal?

[u/Francesca_N_Furter → u/Eastiegirl333]

He's WORLD FAMOUS....in Poland.

[u/LeeShadow2]

Salvo Self-Fellatio

[u/mick_the_raven → u/LeeShadow2]

LinkedIn lunatics spokesperson and mascot!

[u/i-FF0000dit → u/LeeShadow2]

Omg, you just made me spit out my coffee

[u/n9neinchn8 → u/i-FF0000dit]

It's a lot less messy when you swallow

[u/Footpainguy → u/n9neinchn8]

First seat. First swallow.

[u/Hamblerger → u/Footpainguy]

First serve. First come.

[u/jake_2998e8 → u/LeeShadow2]

Damn you, its still morning, but you win today’s Reddit prize and i gotta get outta here!

[u/TarquinusSuperbus000]

Dude... you're taking a 30 minute flight on Ryanair and they let you sit in the front. Chill.

[u/Drogatog → u/TarquinusSuperbus000]

It's still first class if there's only one class

[u/morrighaan → u/Drogatog]

greetings my proletariat comrade

[u/TarquinusSuperbus000 → u/morrighaan]

What traveling in coach taught me about class struggle.

[u/aardvark_army → u/TarquinusSuperbus000]

And what class struggle taught me about b2b sales

[u/Usual_Growth8873 → u/Drogatog]

[u/Leet_Noob → u/Drogatog]

If I do business (post on linkedin) while on the flight, that counts as business class

[u/ironic-hat → u/TarquinusSuperbus000]

Shit, on Ryanair they’ll let him fly the plane if it saves them a few euro.

[u/TarquinusSuperbus000 → u/ironic-hat]

...

...

Don't give them any ideas...

[u/KittyGrewAMoustache → u/TarquinusSuperbus000]

I could totally see this as an option when booking your ticket: window seat: 54, aisle seat: 37, cockpit: 11.99 (if you click here to take our free one hour flight simulator training).

[u/rhinofinger → u/ironic-hat]

“You played Starfox once or twice? Eh, good enough. You’re up.”

[u/lzwzli → u/ironic-hat]

It's like those pick your own berries farms. People will pay a premium to do it yourself.

[u/Doubleoh_11 → u/TarquinusSuperbus000]

Enjoy smelling my armpit while I just "scuse me just gunna scoot on by" you

[u/Resident-Cattle9427 → u/Doubleoh_11]

Now the question of etiquette. As I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?

[u/Doubleoh_11 → u/Resident-Cattle9427]

Great question, not one I’m qualified to answer. Might I suggest a LinkedIn post?

[u/Lupus76]

Some pretty good opsec on his top secret project there.

[u/14ktgoldscw → u/Lupus76]

Yeah, there’s that saying about how the different between a million and a billion is roughly a billion. The exact same could be said about the difference between telling a friend “man, this has been a stressful week but I can’t really talk about it” and “posting about a top secret project on LinkedIn.”

[u/Lupus76 → u/14ktgoldscw]

"Hmm, we suspect Mr. Fallica is working on a top secret project, but he slipped our surveillance team. If only we could narrow down where he might be, where he's heading, what flight he's taking, and what passport our superspy is traveling on."

[u/olivegardengambler → u/Lupus76]

Ngl with a name like that, it would be more surprising if he's not from Italy.

[u/Wineguy33 → u/Lupus76]

Straight up the ladder to Presidential Cabinet member for this one.

[u/thecrazysloth → u/Lupus76]

He added you to the signal chat too?

[u/lzwzli → u/thecrazysloth]

Everybody's on the signal chat

[u/thecrazysloth → u/lzwzli]

It’s like that U2 album that everyone got in their iTunes library whether they wanted it or not. When you download Signal now you just get automatically added to some top secret US government war planning group

[u/man_gomer_lot → u/Lupus76]

He's playing 5d chess and trying to test his security against cyber attacks.

[u/DrSFalken → u/Lupus76]

Someone hasn't sat thru their online training this year....

[u/BlackCatTelevision]

I had to make myself not reflexively downvote this

[u/Big_Beaverr_ → u/BlackCatTelevision]

You have greater restraint. I downvoted then had to un-downvote it.

[u/icsnapper]

Add me to the Signal group pls, Salvo. Thx 🙏🏼

[u/BIGAL0720]

And anyone who has ever worked on anything with a security rating, knew to shut up about it.

[u/DuctTapeSanity → u/BIGAL0720]

I never worked on anything with any level of clearance and I know from watching TV that you neither even confirm or deny working on something secret because even that much would be providing information.

[u/chobi83 → u/BIGAL0720]

If that were the case, I wouldn't have had a job when I was in the military

[u/LegitimateGift1792 → u/BIGAL0720]

Search the company name, he does CGI work. Not really secret more like non-disclosure.

[u/escapeshark → u/BIGAL0720]

I'm an FBI agent, ask me anything

[u/Dull_Investigator358]

His position is not COO. It's C Double O Seven...

[u/yavinmoon → u/Dull_Investigator358]

He pushes the wrong button, and he is ejected from first class through the roof.

[u/Resident-Cattle9427 → u/Dull_Investigator358]

• C Double O Salvatore

[u/jonometal666 → u/Dull_Investigator358]

Jason Bourne it's Jesus Christ

[u/GJohnJournalism]

V Sauce here… I’m kinda a douche.

[u/KookyChapter3208]

All of these Linkedin CEBros and their go get it bullshit. I don't need a 7 figure portfolio guys, I just wanna be able to support my family and maybe go on one vacation a year without taking out a personal loan...I guess I don't have that dog in me 😒

[u/Resident-Cattle9427 → u/KookyChapter3208]

You don’t got that hustle in you. You gotta grind

[u/DuctTapeSanity → u/Resident-Cattle9427]

Not enough ambiguous buzzword terms in there. Do you even C(E/I/O/T)O bro?

Here is what Gemini wrote for me: "You need to hustle and put in the work, no shortcuts. It's about stacking wins and leveling up, day in and day out. You're building an empire from the ground up, brick by brick. Forget the excuses, it's time to put your head down and execute. You're chasing that bag, and only the strong survive. Stay focused, stay hungry, and outwork everyone".

[u/TelenorTheGNP]

If it's top secret, MAYBE DONT TALK ABOUT IT THEN!

[u/oyok2112 → u/TelenorTheGNP]

But, the PowerPoint project plan has a footer that says, "Confidential - not for external distribution". Bro is in the inner circle here.

[u/Eastern_Statement416]

they make CGI for amusement parks..........not exactly big spy stuff?

[u/BetterNova → u/Eastern_Statement416]

Dude is excited he got promoted to Roman’s intern at Waystar Royco

[u/michiel11069]

COO at red raion.

“We help amusement and theme parks, museums, and FECs choose the perfect CGI content for their media based attractions, without any middleman or distributor upfront.”

yeah.. good luck with your top secret first of its kind project.

[u/Gerbil-coach]

So top secret it was posted on linkedin.

Better than "Stealth Start-Up" I suppose which generally just means contracting between jobs

[u/Silverdodger]

His hair was first to leave

[u/Drogatog → u/Silverdodger]

Nah, his wife for sure before

[u/Resident-Cattle9427 → u/Drogatog]

Took the cabana boy and everything

[u/zrice03 → u/Resident-Cattle9427]

But don't worry, he hired his own cabana boy later.

[u/denys5555]

If something was actually top secret, you wouldn’t acknowledge it existed at all

[u/AuthorKindly9960]

Cheap suit energy. Same for the frames.

[u/MC_Fap_Commander → u/AuthorKindly9960]

I wear cheap crap. But I also don't post on LI that I'm on some billionaire top secret mission either, so I guess it evens out.

[u/ML_120]

"I'm working on a top secret project."

Opsec is green, I guess.

[u/maringue]

People who normally take first class flights don't post about taking a first class flight.

[u/Acceptable_Feed7004]

First cunt in line for the plane.

[u/ClickIta → u/Acceptable_Feed7004]

Yep, the one that has the opportunity to stand and wait longer than anybody else while the gate is still closed anyway.

[u/cficare → u/Acceptable_Feed7004]

Do YOU know who I AM?!?

[u/ChowSaidWhat]

oh I thought it's Stanley Tucci and the post made absolutely perfect sense to me.

[u/Personal-Soft-2770]

Remember, whenever starting a top secret project, always start with a LinkedIn post and selfie mentioning this fact. We're watching 4D chess in action.

[u/Alec_Berg]

95% of social media is "hey look at me! Over here, me, I'm great, look!"

This shit ain't healthy for society.

[u/cficare → u/Alec_Berg]

Hey! Look at me, Im doing so much business, I have time to post about how much business I am doing!  Oh, you want to do business with me because of my post?!  I dont have the - sure, please tell me what you need, rent is due in 2 weeks!

[u/Only-Reach-3938]

Amazing. A self-milking cow.

[u/No-East-956]

It's a top secret mission for Mens Warehouse

[u/Lieutenant_0bvious]

This is what LinkedIn has become- a bunch of wannabes flexing their specialness.

[u/Resident-Cattle9427 → u/Lieutenant_0bvious]

What do you mean, “has” become?

[u/MrDrone234]

Why the compo face?

[u/yavinmoon → u/MrDrone234]

He is travelling to his first ever date. He saw her only on pictures, but based on her text messages that Siberian supermodel is really into him.

[u/Flowery-Twats]

Pretentious? MOI?!?!?

[u/teambob]

I hate people who make a big deal out of an NDA. Tell me what you can tell me. I think I involuntarily roll my eyes whenever someone does this

[u/XanderWrites]

You know, you aren't supposed to talk about Top Secret things. Ever. I'm not saying people might brag about their security clearance, but really, you aren't supposed to be talking about it. At. All.

(This means whatever he's talking about isn't actually Top Secret)

[u/Ok-Development1494]

Nothing says "first day at big boy job" for a middle aged man who's butthole is quivering as he's on the edge of a midlife crisis seeking validation quite like this does

[u/TarquinusSuperbus000]

Dude... you're taking a 30 minute flight on Ryanair and they let you sit in the front. Chill.

[u/Bill92677]

It's so secret, I don't even know where I'm going. But wherever I go, there I'll be.

[u/Jacques_Racekak]

A pound of shit in an ounce bag, that's what I call guys like him.

[u/Expensive_Finger_973]

Is the first of its kind project pilot testing TSA rectal inspection AI. He has that "I would let the TSA stick a robots rubber finger in my poop cave for the company" look.

[u/Objective-Start-9707]

You know what the government loves, when you advertise that you have a top secret clearance on the internet with a very recent picture of your face. 😂😂😂

We need to stop giving away top secret clearances to people who can buy their way out of trouble. If we're not going to fix the justice system and the inequity caused by having a lot of money, we can at least stop trusting these idiots with national security.

[u/DmtTraveler]

Trying out that new airport glory hole?

[u/reluctant_lifeguard]

You see, he didn’t reserve the first seat, he reserved the last seat.

Everything in life is a negotiation, and he made them realize it was a bad investment to stick him in the back, and they balked.

This is how B2B transactions are handled by though leaders, every day.

Never stop the grind, or the grind will stop you!

[u/BootsyTheWallaby]

If this dumb duck were actually involved in anything requiring a security clearance...

nm, scratch that. He'd just invite the editor of The Atlantic and hold a public Zoom meeting.

[u/SoothsayerSurveyor]

So top secret I’m going to make a LinkedIn post about it.

Now I have to kill all my LinkedIn contacts.

LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO

[u/thebarbarain]

The first seat is the worst seat in first class.

[u/Detroit-1337]

And dressed in a suit hoping against hope someone asks him about b2b sales. What a douche.

[u/Ok-Yak-3384]

you know. I have no assistant to hold my bag, jacket and shit. But still I am huge

[u/TreeCrime]

Why on earth would this Ahole say he’s working on something top secret? That violates so many laws of opsec.

[u/bootlicker1970]

Only an uninformed flyer would take 1A domestically

[u/anapunas]

The first rule of Top Secret club is, no one mentions Top Secret!

So this dude is a lying sack of____. Or needs to be fired to prevent leakage. Either way i would never hire this turd.

[u/Zoltaroth]

"Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first"

[u/maddog2271]

I fly business class all the time and my middling little civil engineering work is also subject to an NDA. I have never thought this was worthy of a LinkedIn post. I love these lunatics though. It helps me keep things in perspective.

[u/fingersarnie]

A post that says nothing. I’ve read washing up liquid labels that are more interesting.

[u/viktorklima]

First flight? Like, the guy has no hair left and he finally gets to fly? Good for him!

[u/the_frgtn_drgn]

Opsec, tell everyone enough to figure out what your top secret stuff is

[u/radioref]

Look at me while I gaze longingly at my navel. Oh look, the first piece of lint. First.

[u/Big_Celery2725]

I fly lots and lots and usually get upgraded to first class but that’s something that you try to hide from people who aren’t in first class.  You certainly don’t flaunt it on LinkedIn.

[u/Many_Landscape_3046]

The names Bond. James Bond.

[u/Chewnard]

"And yes.. it's top secret"

Good then shut up about it.

[u/rhinestone_waterboy]

First. Nope. Let's try again, shall we?

Douche. Ahhh, yes. There it is. I fixed his typo.

[u/kranitoko]

"It's so top secret, I'm going to brag that it's top secret so that you know something exists with me involved."

[u/johnatsea12]

Damn COO first class…I wonder how the CFO feels about the price difference between first and business class? Was it worth the costs just to brag eeek

[u/penguigeddon]

Bet he hates that '2nd' next to his name

[u/KevlarUK]

Clearly never heard the concept of first not necessarily being the primary outcome and, instead, second being apex.

He’d shit it if he knew he were behind, even, a dirty princess or a ghost eating breakfast at height.

What a loser. The worst.

[u/mball88]

Can someone explain to me why the posts from these people all seem to be in the same style and cadence?

[u/Open_Bait]

Wow first of its kind top Secret?? I cant wait to see that!

"hi guys listen up my idea is: facebook but better AND we gonna introduce blockchain to it"

[u/New_Writer_484]

[u/BetterNova]

First Italian to wear brooks brothers

[u/Zealousideal-Dig5182]

Just like fashion. The real successful people dress comfortably and without regard for impressing others. I guess the same now applies to LinkedIn posts.

[u/Tuskerslite]

He’s using Linkedin the way I used Facebook when I was 11 - the constant unnecessary updates and posts

[u/DmtTraveler]

Hey there, Vsauce!

[u/MulayamChaddi]

He's a single ply guy

[u/yaoguai_fungi]

Fuck, I misread his job title and thought he was the CEO of Red Robin in Italy

[u/JEWCEY]

Interesting. First rule of top secret is to not talk about top secret. What a maroon.

[u/slowclapcitizenkane]

This guy desperately wants someone to mistake him for a younger Stanley Tucci.

[u/Rogue_Alchemist13]

Jesus Christ, anyone that does work for the military automatically think they are special and higher on the totem. It’s not that serious. I was in the military and you would see these contractors name dropping officers or clearance levels, I guess it makes them feel special and important

[u/retrofibrillator → u/Rogue_Alchemist13]

What military, that’s what Red Raion does:

„We help amusement and theme parks, museums, and FECs choose the perfect CGI content for their media based attractions, without any middleman or distributor upfront.”

[u/prostipope]

This guy definitely farts into jars and saves them

[u/Bagel_lust]

First of its kind? What another chatgpt wrapper?

[u/sds3387]

This guy’s name sounds like something you avoid by fully cooking your food.

[u/F4Flyer]

Seeking attention is a real sickness in America.

[u/BootsyTheWallaby → u/F4Flyer]

He's Italian but yes.

[u/ReputationLeading126]

This guys italian, bro ain't inventing shit but a new type of pasta

[u/Rexxbravo]

"If you ain't first, you're last!" 

[u/Mushie_Peas]

You can tell the real rich people in business / first class as they show up in a tracksuit for comfort with a suit bag (only if they need a suit at the far end).

This screams I don't normally fly first and want to look the part.

[u/Worried-Ebb-1699]

Big flex flying first class from London to Dublin, pal.

[u/elvisizer2]

it truly amazes me the amount of effort people put into presenting facades to the world.
i really don't know how they find the time/mental space for it lolololol

[u/batman180411]

First secret.

[u/1822Landwood]

He’s so humble. You can’t help but admire him.

[u/BlynxInx]

Bitch been standing his whole life and just got his first seat at 50. Praise be to his work ethic.

[u/Worldly-Card-394]

His surname is Fallica (a.f. fallic), it check out

[u/Strategy_pan]

Is he the CEO of Phallic Solutions? I love what they're doing in the private space.

[u/kyotomat]

I suck my own cock, because my saliva is premium.

[u/noboday009]

Don't bother me until you have your own fleet of private jets you peasant..

Now scram..

[u/GoldenGirlsOrgy]

This clown jacks off in front of a mirror while watching videos of himself jacking off in front of a mirror.

[u/TheMightySurtur]

I read first flight as first fight and I'm like, "Hell Yeah! Let's go boyz!"

[u/SECURITY_SLAV]

If it’s top secret shut the fuck up and don’t say anything, but then how else will he stroke his own ego?

[u/Ok_Golf_760]

Is it secret if you tell the world on the social media ?

[u/KWeatherwalks]

Shouldn't it be First Secret to follow the pattern?

Or wait. I've got it.
Top flight. Top class. Top seat. Top Gun. Top Secret

[u/ByrsaOxhide]

And btw, my dad owns the company

[u/Darwin1809851]

Theres a running joke among Green Berets and their wives that the women who live around Southern Pines, North Carolina never have to ask operators if we’re GB’s or CAG or Seals etc, they’ll tell you exactly how secretive we are and wont shut up about how much they “cant talk about it.” The toxic desire to peacock is so real 😂

[u/misticpoetry]

He laying! He is actually traveling to get a hair transplant.

[u/jimmybanana]

LinkedIn just creates a different type of narcissism. A corporate white collar kind where every self acclaimed C Suite bozo thinks they’re the one.

[u/Kysman95]

He's the tester for the first ever 1:1 Elephant cock dildo.

[u/perringaiden]

Either it's not top secret, or he's literally breaking laws by posting this. Either way he's a numpty.

[u/ElPadre2020]

He looks like he scratches his balls and sniffs his fingers for pleasure.

[u/cats_catz_kats_katz]

Anyone I know who does this for a living doesn't talk about it because no one does this.

[u/Elon_Muskratface]

I am the first person to tell you how awesome I am and how I feel all these “firsts” gloss over my deep Insecurities for being first at nothing meaningful.

[u/MySophie777]

Yeah, first class dude. You just die a nanosecond before the other passengers do when the plane goes down after which someone else will fill your spot on the Top Secret project team. Let us know when you can blink your pants on. That'll be impressive.

[u/DifficultExit1864]

Follow me for more Top Secret information!

[u/kimchipowerup]

Insecurity is showing in First Class, First Seat...

[u/Offwhitedesktop]

If it's Top Secret then where's Val Kilmer... Oh wait..

[u/Prestigious-Mode-709]

a bit of healthy bragging… he is not the first in this 🤣

[u/Only_Tip9560]

So top secret he is bragging about it on linkedin.

[u/skawtch]

This company does VR and CGI marketing "activations". Real top secret stuff that nobody can know (or wants to know) about. Maybe the clients would be interested to know their money goes to this guy swanning around in first class.

[u/WarpFactorNin9]

First time posting my rat ass face to LinkedIn

[u/dmr302]

It’s the most top secret of any of the secrets there could ever be.

[u/smilingkevin]

Probably some innovative social media system where you can send “blurks” of audio clips or something.

[u/nicolo_ntm]

"Fallica" also means "penis shaped", but feminine.