Meowmy iz sad…help mi do BIG CRIMEZ !

[u/Chemical_Sir1852]

Frenz… it Darla (2 yrz) n I come to tell you it unaccep! I dunno y meowmy sad n I need soo!!! Why sadz when she have MI??? I need pawyer tooz offer imoounitee so I can doz a BIG CRIMEZ!

[u/IntrovertedGiraffe]

Ooh! Dis a hard one. Usually what makes mommys feels better is cuddles, so mebbe do a hostage crime and sits on mommy and not let her do a move

[u/Creatableworld → u/IntrovertedGiraffe]

Dis a gud plan. Also give her biskits an healing purrs.

[u/MeFolly → u/IntrovertedGiraffe]

Do a big hostije crimz. Sits on her head

[u/Kayhowardhlots → u/MeFolly]

My meomy lubs when I sitz in her heds. She givz pets and kisses and tells me how I'm a gud boi. Deftly du dat.

• Sir Winston the Void

[u/FurBabyAuntie → u/IntrovertedGiraffe]

And purrs....big purrs....

[u/Caira_Ru → u/IntrovertedGiraffe]

Best way fur hostage iz to wait til dey use toylit an hab a snak. DEN hostage der lap lyk no toomoro.

Dey wil sit an sit furever an be warm an cozee fur yu. An make yu feelz gud.

Ai maiself hab dun dis mennie tymes. It werkz.

— Smol Crimez Archie

[u/butterfly-garden]

Did you do da headbutts? How about da biscuits? Healing purrs? Licklicklick? Maybe you needs to kill a mousie and gib it to her. Hoomans wub gifties.

Also William da Tuxie

[u/squirrelcat88]

I help my hoomans. I know they be like headbutts and purring so I be sure to do this at 4 am. I also be put my glorious borthole in their face at that time.

It help my hoomans as they be get to pet me and hear purring!

Squirrel the CAT

[u/infj1013]

It mite be a gud tim for extorch— extawrt— DEMAND STUFF TIM!!! U can weesel yur wai into hur lapz, and asks for petz, and rub on leggies and faice, and insists on CUDDLEZ! Make shur yoo don’t leab hur alonez. Yoo can probablee settl dis without habing to getz a cattorney. Just demand wat is yurzz!!!!!

[u/Super_Reading2048]

Sometimes a human’s family member dies or an evil human breaks their heart. The answer is always the same; give healing snuggles & puuurrrs. Maybe even do something silly to make her laugh.

~ Jackie Vin

I included a picture of me as a kitten to help cheer up your meowmy.

[u/BunnyGladstone → u/Super_Reading2048]

Fren Jackie Vin, Ai mus say yoo were verrrrry cute babie and doin a hard think fur someone so smol!

[u/Super_Reading2048 → u/BunnyGladstone]

I’m 6 years old now. I hope your meowmy feels better.

[u/1quincytoo]

Dis is pawibble…..but Meowmy needs your best cuddles, head butts, biscuits and maybe a nice raw mousie to help her feel better…no kneads to soooo……she will reward you with lickly tubes of goodness, num nums and eber thing you paw serves

[u/FirebirdWriter]

I do a tuck Meowmy in an forcefully lay. Dis mean you throw self into chest and face. Should make Dem grunt. Dey move? Dey get big paw to de face. Dey talk? Paw to de mouth.

Czernobog the Divine Shadow and Goblin King Esquire

[u/Awareness-Own]

Sits on your meowmanny. Do not lets her moves. Cuddle and makes bisqits. Purrs very very loudly. Licks nise and headbutts. That will helps her a lot. After shes better then bababab her tells her to not feel sads. Bite bite nise too. Blake the Prince

[u/Cats-are-lovely]

Hi new fren Darla. We isz da ICBGC cuddle crew. We sayz cuddles and healing purrs. It isz eben betterer when a heated blankie isz involveded.

MnM

(Da heated blankie isz YOURS, do no let themz belieb youz othurwise!)

[u/Accomplished-Art8681]

Mewz Meowmy did a big sad when I had big advenshur outside for three billion furebers! She cry, and I ebenshully came back so she no do sads. Iz not okay fur hoomans to do too many sads and get leaky face, dey will break more fastly an maybe eben furgets to feeds or pets you! No gud.

I kno lots ob cats here suggest cuddles and purrs, but my Meowmy seems to just fine if I sit next to her for a couple of naps. I also like to walk up to her ear when she in my big bed and I do screms so she wake up and kno I still here so she no gets lonely. I tink dis is best plan.

Okay, I do gibes some purrs, but only a few!

[u/One_Advantage793]

I Smuffi the wildcat fink you kneads do two kine crimez ta holp yer meowmy nowt be sads!

Furrst! Do dis hostage crimez an holt down de meowmy so she canna move! While you there, do some biscuits an lotsalotsa purrs - espeshullee de healin purrs. Do de needs in the soff titty area; dis bessst cauz soff soff a corse pkusplus awso bessst cauz if youse on top de chessst area she canna sits up an try do a move. The healin purrs is jess eggstra holp furr de meowmy cauz dey healin eben if her hes broked hart! Furry gud furr healin whatevs med her sads.

Segund! Do a kyoot lak you shows in pickture! How dis crimez you sez an I Smuffi the wildcat did tole ya! Youse do dis rite in front her eatch tym she try walks! Dis holps tew wayz: It mek her smile whitch holps remyove de sads. An it meks her awso reconize how wunnerful you iz an wants ta sits back down ta mek laps fer you ta sits on an commenct nyew hostage maneuoovor agin! Wiff lotsalotsa healin purrs ta fix hart so she not have sads more!

Dis da bessst crimez an holps her notisss how wunnerfyll you iz an den she ack rite an gib more skritches (whitch meks moah purrs!) an eben licky treets!

An! If awl else fail, den you tole yer meowmy you soos whatevah med her sads! Espeshull if wuz a persun med her sads! You kin awso bapbapbap an bitebitebite de persun wat med her sads!

Dis da way!

Smuffi the wildcat

[u/Vast-Specialist546]

We are professionals pawyers. With years of expirience in pewing dogs and hoomans we can pee everybody. Id suggest you attack them feet in night. They do very funny noise and can’t do anything cause you are protected by paw😎

[u/MenopawsalMisty]

I am doing a very loud health full purr fur your hooman.

[u/MenopawsalMisty → u/MenopawsalMisty]

Can you hear it?

[u/My-soul-was-yeeted]

Do a grab and then do a kickkickkick and a bitebitebite! That makes my pawnkle laugh. But then he has to go wash his hand because scratchscratchscratch. You mite wanna wate until ur meowmy has a long sleef shurt. Or use a toy insted

-Toby

[u/cant_think_of_one_]

Best crimez to do on sad humanz is da hostage takings ones, as offer wise catses has said. Also doe, big opportunity to do da weird crimes, cos dey just laff and not try to soo or be mean bout it. Mai favourite is to do a catch of da memotconcontrol fur da television, and den do a hides. Can also do a burrow in da laundry, or do catches on da humans fings and den bring dem back in eggstange for treats. I liked to bring da humans mai socks dat I sometimes let dem wear (cos I not like to wear fings), or de stuffed animals from my bed rooms dat dey sleep in. I spects chimkin in eggstange fur dese nice presents.

[u/trinlayk]

Fujin here, looking my hansomest... Be cute, cuddly, purr up a storm and make biscuits. That should help. I hope your Meowmy is feeling happier soon.